I can't log in because I just start crying.

Glad to see you were able to get VIP-ized, Bill.

I can relate to that death-clock feeling. But I'm still logging in and playing, because for me, in the end, it's the best way to keep the spirit alive.

In a weird way, it's made playing even more special than it was before. I took City of Heroes for granted, once. Now that I can't, every moment counts.

That said, I spend all day at work alt-tabbing to the forums, checking for news of a reprieve.

You are not alone.

I am no longer actually in tears when I am logged into the game; however the feeling that the Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head the whole time never leaves me.

I have things to get done meanwhile. I have a Brute who is finally going to take down Recluse; my main hero is going to get all the way through the Harvey Maylor arc, after procrastinating for years. I have probably taken upwards of 400 screenshots since we got the news. I have characters who are badging.... I find exploration-badging very relaxing for some reason.

But that final day when they pull the plug? I hope I am alone in the house at the time, because there are going to be some serious tears going on. My husband gets upset when I cry, so I want to spare him that.

I am waiting to see what NCSoft does in the coming weeks. If it were not for that, I would say right now that I literally hate them for what they are doing to all of us. Yes. Real-world hate, for this unneccesary and stupid decision that is hurting literally thousands and thousands of people. And for making us cry.

If they kill this game forever, may karma be a b!tch.

*Hugs* for all of you who are so so sad. It breaks my heart truly knowing just how bad you feel. In 2006, my son was stillborn...no words how much that hurt. I was so depressed and in so much pain I stopped doing everything I liked...and hearing how much some of you are hurting reminds me of that (yes, honestly). There are no words, I wish I had FABULOUSLY CHEERFUL words for you...but I don't. You're going to cry, there will be a void (maybe not always like my grief...but for a while). My best advice is to try to smile in spite of the sad (in other words at the peak times-not constantly), it truly does help the anxiety a bit and remember, it's okay to be sad. Be sure to keep venting and talking about how you feel instead of being a recluse like I did...it builds up and wears you down fast that way.

I'm sad right now too, have some more gray hairs suddenly =), but after other experiences I know I'm strong enough to handle this no matter the outcome. I've found just logging in and chatting in global channels has also been a bit theraputic(sp?). You're not alone and all in good company!

I look at all of this in a slightly different way.

I do not have much in the way of time or resources to devote to the more active side of our revolution, but I can do the one thing I always have done...

I can play my game.

I'll be signing in as many days as reality allows for and playing for as many hours as I can devote to it. Why? Because this is the biggest way I can show my support for the game.

Besides, I have too much still unfinished.

I still have several characters in the 40's that need pushing forward. I still have several zones that I have not visited yet. I still have hours upon hours of content to play.

I'm not done yet! I may never be but, if the worst should happen and the world ends, I'll be right there offering to sweep the floors and take out the trash and stack the chairs.

Even if I cannot save the game, I will have played it, and played it well. And I will be able to walk away knowing that I had one hell of a run.

We're not dead yet people.

Last night, for only the second time ever, I watched a sunset.

(in-game; I've seen the real sun go down a few more times than that)

For the last two weeks I've tried to log in but I hadn't been able to manage more than 5 minutes before feeling too sad to continue. Instead I've been playing CO.

This morning, though, I gained a renewed sense of purpose. With double XP on I had some new goals I could realistically set, and I logged on a character I hadn't played in a year (not because of anything wrong with the character, just because I have too many alts) and played for the last 2-3 hours. While I'm moving towards certain overall goals, I'm not thinking about the future when I'm playing, just staying in the here and now, and it's keeping the game fun for me without getting sad.

I haven't been playing much since the announcement. In fact, I think I've only played about a hour since then. I'm sad and miss the game and logging in is just amplifying those feelings. It's not really fun if you're depressed while playing.

I've been dealing with my disappointment by fighting hobos in the park.

In more positive news, the transient population in my area has plummeted.

I'm still logging in every other day or so, just to try and find something to do, but it's definitely depressing. Especially since half the people I normally play with just aren't showing up any more. I can tell just how heavy this news hit by the absence of people from my friends list and channels.

That said, I'm gonna keep doing it. This is my city, I'm gonna keep fighting for it. It may hurt, but it's a hurt worth feeling.

It's Friday. Tonight there will be Jack&Cokes followed by Guinness Extra Stout and many hours of killing bad guys. I may even play my dark armor/stone melee tank.

I found the game's atmosphere too depressing for a few days following the announcement to warrant playing, so I went on a Team Fortress 2 binge (and then my hat crafting attempts went horribly, horribly wrong...). But after the rally on Saturday there was a ritki drop ship raid event on Champion which was fun, and since then I've decided to get my stalker to 50.

When I log on, I get a deep stab of sadness at what *may* happen (I refuse to believe the end is nigh, we're heroes, a last second success at a long shot is our bread & water). Teams were a bit hard to find a few days after the shoe fell, but I REFUSED to give NCsoft the credit of keeping me from doing what I've been doing for the last 3 years. As I've read on this thread, getting back into the game, back into the community, is probably the best boost to our efforts that we can do.

The Monday after the Vitrue Rally I decided to continue running my weekly PvP event on Pinn, though realistically I wasn't expecting much. But after a while of advertising, we got a good amount of people showing up, including people who never came before. I can only imagine what they were feeling, but me, I kinda teared up a little, (I have allergies, so I say put it down to coincidence....) but I also had a deep sense of pride in the community that allows me to be part of it.

To finish my ramblings, I feel depressed/sad loging on, but once I'm on, the never stay down (regen FTW!) never give up attitude of my heroes fills me with the determination to keep going saving Paragon, and keeping hope for the game.