I can't log in because I just start crying.

I log on, but it's hard for me to start doing something. I want to level a nature character but I just don't have the motivation. I do a few TF's but it's usually pretty quick.

I have endless screenshots of sunsets and sunrises over Paragon City since the earliest days. I've always really liked them.

But then I'm a photographer and videographer and thinking about light comprises at least half of my waking thoughts. This Spring I had my attic remodeled as a guest bedroom and the existing bedroom turned into a walk-in closet, and I was sad to lose the south-facing window in that room because of the superb quality of the light there.

I am 45 and being a big guy who rides a Harley you would think I wouldn't cry over some game, but I have. I get on as much as I can. I want to play at more but have mostly spent time in Atlas holding a torch or chating with friends listening to music while my character air guitars. When I am not at home or at work I try to keep them on with a torch in hand. Usually at least one toon in Virtue Atlas 33.

Generally I'm too pissed to be sad. But some nights when I'm trying to sleep it does hit me. Regardless I intend to log on as much as I can and for 2 reasons. 1) Activity is helping those closed door talks no matter how miniscule and 2) if it is all for naught I want to be able to enjoy it as much as I can before the end.

I realized that there are 2 months left.

Very few games do people play for 2 months.

If I said you were going to watch MASH for 2 hours a night every night for the next 2 months you probably would feel that was too much MASH.

Enjoy it while you can. There is a lot of time left for fun.

That was me for the first week after the announcement. I couldn't read the forums without crying, couldn't log in without crying, couldn't look at the game without crying... I was crying. A lot. Over anything game-related.

Now... I feel mostly...numb.

I have played three times in the last 2 weeks. I played two rounds of Tanker Tuesday, and yesterday participated in Brutal Thursday. I admit that I was miles away from gameplay yesterday, even looking at my husband and saying "I just don't feel like doing this..." I felt bad saying that. I mean this has been my life for the better part of almost 7 years!

I don't feel like playing at all. And when I do try I just kind of sit there and stare off into nothingness.

I know that when I log on for the Justice group picture today in anther couple of hours that I will probably be tearing up, and I likely won't be able to play or anything after, I'll just log off. I have tried to get screen shots, tried to go through all of my toons to play them "one last time," but it's proving to be impossible. I just don't have the drive to do anything...I'm just too numb.

My husband however feels like playing is counterproductive at this point, and logging in kinda of makes him feel a bit sick. He's basically only playing during TT times now.

Yeah, just...yeah.

The "top of the roster" character that appears when I select my main server (Pinnacle) on login is Mirka, my dauntless little Will/DB tanker. She's got a modest little rep with the Pinn community (particularly the Roleplay Congress folk) as being fearless and unstoppable. Nothing makes her hesitate for even an instant...she wades right in.

Now when I log in, she's staring back at me...and I swear it's like she's afraid. It's like she's saying, "I faced it all without blinking. Nemesis, Recluse, Reichsmann, Cole, the Hamidon...you name it. Now and then, they knocked me down, but every single time, I got back up again...and with the help of friends, I beat them. I can't beat this. I can't even fight it. Please...help me."

Ah, sh*t...crying again.

41 here and I'm tearing up when I play. Wondering if I'll see friends on when I log in, wondering if the game will be saved (and to all the people who are pitching in to do their best to save it, God bless, we have over 18,00 petition signatures, so there is hope and support). It's hard logging in and realizing all the stories that are yet undone on my roster, all the characters who I have played, all the things that I have done, and have yet to do... Without COX and the support of the community, I'm not sure if I would have made it through the loss of my mother several years ago. But rather than that, I'd like to say something to my friend and partner in crime Dollhouse.

Anyway, Doll, we have a chance to save COX. Slim, perhaps, doomed, perhaps but a chance. That's all that Mirka ever asked for, as you know, and if there's a chance, the day can still be saved. That's what heroes do, and the people who I have been blessed to meet in game and interact with are heroes in their one ways. Can't say enough good things about you all.

Logged in on that first Friday, and the next day on the Saturday as well. Haven't been back since and not sure I will be. Thing I loved was that the game was open ended. Well, now it's not. No point in playing. Have maybe 4 heroes left that I didn't delete.