An Old Joke With a CoH Twist...
By
Adeon Hawkwood,
Posted on: 2010-01-28 18:29 in CoH and CoV General Discussions
How many Ebil Marketeers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But he'll spend all week waiting for a low bid on the new bulb to fill.
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You kidding? He's already bought 'em all up and is selling them at an artificially inflated price. He's only bidding low for the poor suckers who post their own bulbs on the market.
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Originally Posted by ThugOne
Just one. But he'll spend all week waiting for a low bid on the new bulb to fill.
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those were hilarious, great job!
Very nice all! I liked the Nemesis one the best I think. 
Leader of The LEGION/Fallen LEGION on the Liberty server!
SSBB FC: 2062-8881-3944
MKW FC: 4167-4891-5991
Okay, since some of you have ventured into the realm of archetypes I guess I can take a swing at 'em...
Q: How many Blasters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One... but I would advise making sure you're home owner's insurance is paid up to date in case it's a Fire Blaster who wants to show you an "alternative light source"...
Q: How many Brutes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Probably one but it's just not worth asking... most would rather smash the bulb to build up their fury bar.
Q: How many Controllers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight... Seven Tanks to turn the house while the Controller "Holds" the bulb... yeah... I know... sorry.
Q: How many Corruptors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he's likely to go through several of them before he can settle to buffing without blasting them.
(Although I can not possibly compete with the "they buff it to keep it from dying" joke already given, I'll still give this one a shot)
Q: How many Defenders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None; You kill his debuff anchor? You can darned well sit in the dark...
Q: How many Dominators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Roughly fifteen or so... The Dominator... the pack of enemies he used to get his bar maxed out... and the Dominated Schlub who actually puts in the bulb.
Q: How many Kheldians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None; Human forms have glowing eyes and don't need bulbs, Dwarf forms can't pick up a bulb without crushing it and Nova forms end up with their suction cups stuck to the bulbs which results in a thick smell of fried calamari when the lights are turned on... eventually.
Q: How many Masterminds does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two; the Mastermind himself and the forumite who advised him how to set the bind for his pets.
Q: How many Scrappers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One and ONLY ONE... A single Scrapper will, however, have to clear the map before changing the bulb... if there are two or more of them they will be so deep into Scrapper-Lock after map clearing that they'll start in on each other before remembering it's dark at all.
Q: How many Soldiers of Arachnos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One if they are 1st through 23rd level or 25th and above... if 24th level they are busy respeccing and you may as well get used to the dark for a while.
Q: How many Stalkers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; and very quickly too since it's hard to be stealthy when you're tripping over furniture.
Q: How many Tanks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One if it's a normal Tank; two if it's a Stone Tank... the Tank and the Kinetic Defender to Speed Boost him so the light bulb gets replaced before the sun comes back up.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
How many Superspeeders does it take to change a light bulb?
"Damn it! Can't reach this **** light socket! I knew I should've taken Flight! Damn you, Super Speed!"
to 
TO THE END!Villains are those who dedicate their lives to causing mayhem. Villians are people from the planet Villia!
Q: How many Fire Blasters does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Code:
←←←Are all the bulbs burned out? ←←
↓ ↓ ↓ ↑
↓ ↓ Yes ↑
↓ ↓ ↓ ↑
↓ ↓ Find more bulbs. ↑
↓ ↓ ↓ ↑
↓ ↓ Am I at max debt? ↑
↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↑
↓ No No Yes ↑
↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↑
↓ Add more fire. Inferno ↑
↓ ↑ ➘ ↓ ↑
↓ ↑ Is everything ↑
↓ ↑ on fire? ↑
↓ ↑ ↓ ➘ ↑
➘→→Can't tell. Too Yes. →→→ ➚
much fire
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Is it sad that I found this as a statement for villain Pugs as well, and had a good laugh at it too?
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Originally Posted by Bubbawheat
Tried doing one for a Villain PuG, but it wasn't coming out very well, so instead...
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To right the countless wrongs of our day, we shine the light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise. What a wonderful world such would be....
I'm sorry what was that, I couldn't hear you over my TRAGIC PAST!!
Q: How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: CHANGE??!!!
Q: How many Rularuu does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! The Rularuu see by a mind shattering light from beyond the chasms of space, an unwholesome luminescence from far non-Euclidean realms that no device of Earthly matter could possibly replicate.
Q: How many Cabal does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, another to start shrieking "Witchcraft!", and a third to slap the second upside the head.
Q: How many Redcaps does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They can't, they keep breaking the bulbs off to jab into people.
Arc #40529 : The Furies of the Earth
How many Doomcryers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"The light is OUT!? DOOOOOOM!"
to TO THE END!Villains are those who dedicate their lives to causing mayhem. Villians are people from the planet Villia!
Belle made up a bunch of these and tells them periodically on teams to break monotony and lighten up the mood. (No pun intended, though it seems oddly appropriate.) Let's see if I can remember some from memory...
Q. How many Vahzilok does it take to change a light bulb?
A. With suitable "treatment," the old one never has to die.
Q. How many Banished Pantheon does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two; one to resurrect the one that burned out and one to place it back in the socket.
Q. How many Circle of Thorns does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but then it takes ten more standing around it and chanting to make it glow. (That's my personal favorite.)
Q. How many Freakshow does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two, one to screw it in and another to be the socket.
Q. How many villains does it take to change a light bulb?
A. A team of eight: One to kidnap the light bulb installation engineer, one to hold his family hostage as a threat, one to intimidate the populace into "not seeing anything," one to frame it on an Arachnos faction, three to fight off the heroes that come to rescue him, and one to watch guard over him as he completes the task. (I can't actually remember Belle's break down, but it was something like that.)
Q. How many Nemesis soldiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Over four hundred, and the plot has been in the works for decades now.
Q. How many Malta Operatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Change it!? But I just drained it!
(Disclaimer: This one is mine, not Belle's...)
Q. How many Ouroboros Menders does it take to change a light bulb?
A. You know, funny thing, just when I think it's about to go out, someone has always shown up and changed it. Afterwards, I find several weird notes to me laying around. And for some reason, I have an ominous sense of foreboding about this trend.
Q. How many Taxibots does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. Four to teleport it to each of the exploration badges in the zone, plus one to teleport it safely into its socket. (I think that's her favorite.)
We've been saving Paragon City for eight and a half years. It's time to do it one more time.
(If you love this game as much as I do, please read that post.)
How many Hellions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, and five to sit around a pentagram, proclaiming it's Satan's beacon.
How many Goldbrickers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four. One to get rid of the old lightbulb, one to steal the materials for a new lightbulb, one to insist that the bulb be made of gold, and one to actually buy a new lightbulb when not in uniform.
How many Sky Raiders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Depends on how conductive those jump bots are that day.
How many Longbow does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fifty one: One to change the lightbulb, and fifty to help dispel public rumors that the lightbulb was screwed in with 'unnecessary force'.
How many Rikti does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: One to attempt it two hundred times, and another to realize that U'kon Grai might not be best-suited for the job.
How many Hamidon Buds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, and aren't those electrolytes shiny?
How many Shivan does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to screw in the lighbulb, and one to unscrew it once they see how damn creepy they look in the light.
How many Peacebringers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"Are you kidding me? Do you think I call it my LUMINOUS Aura to sound cool?!"
How many Custom AI mobs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, and duplicated 10,000,000 times.
How many Rularuu Brutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One for every jewel on Ruladuk's vestment.
How many Klingons does it take... Wait, what?
Quote:
Marry me. That was beautiful.
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Originally Posted by Days_
Q: How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: CHANGE??!!! |
Q: How many Winter Horde does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One Frostling to be melted and refrozen into a bulb, one expendable Frostling to do the melting, one Northern Light to be stuffed inside the bulb, yet another Frostling to do the stuffing, and one to screw in the bulb and watch in horror as the lamp short circuits and melts all that hard work.
Quote:
"None! Klingons aren't afraid of the dark!"
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Originally Posted by Sigium
How many Klingons does it take... Wait, what?
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Arc #40529 : The Furies of the Earth
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Sigium
Marry me. That was beautiful.
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The temptation to add that to my sig is huge.
...what about gender preference? Or does that not bother you?
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Was easily my favourite. Some ace stuff in here. |
Q: How many Carnival of Shadows does it take to change a light bulb? A: One to change it but at least ten to decide if the bulb should be red, black or strobe. |
Quote:
All of these involving Scrappers have been wrong.|
Originally Posted by Steelclaw
Q: How many Scrappers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One and ONLY ONE... A single Scrapper will, however, have to clear the map before changing the bulb... if there are two or more of them they will be so deep into Scrapper-Lock after map clearing that they'll start in on each other before remembering it's dark at all. |
The correct answer is 21: 1 to screw in the light bulb solo, 12 to say how much better they could have done it, 6 to say how the original scrapper was using the entirely wrong powersets, and 2 more to crunch numbers to determine the optimal way to screw the light bulb in.
The best laugh I have had in ages. These are gold, you guys. (And I am spreading around the rep as fast as I can.)
Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite
Dark_Respite's Farewell Video: "One Last Day"
THE COURSE OF SUPERHERO ROMANCE CONTINUES!
Book I: A Tale of Nerd Flirting! ~*~ Book II: Courtship and Crime Fighting - Chap Nine live!
MA Arcs - 3430: Hell Hath No Fury / 3515: Positron Gets Some / 6600: Dyne of the Times / 351572: For All the Wrong Reasons
378944: Too Clever by Half / 459581: Kill or Cure / 551680: Clerical Errors (NEW!)
THE COURSE OF SUPERHERO ROMANCE CONTINUES!
Book I: A Tale of Nerd Flirting! ~*~ Book II: Courtship and Crime Fighting - Chap Nine live!
MA Arcs - 3430: Hell Hath No Fury / 3515: Positron Gets Some / 6600: Dyne of the Times / 351572: For All the Wrong Reasons
378944: Too Clever by Half / 459581: Kill or Cure / 551680: Clerical Errors (NEW!)
Great stuff, all of them 
I may need new ribs, though...
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Zwillinger
GG, I would tell you that "I am killing you with my mind", but I couldn't find an emoticon to properly express my sentiment.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Captain_Photon
NOTE: The Incarnate System is basically farming for IOs on a larger scale, and with more obtrusive lore.
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Actually, it's indeterminate; it only takes one to actually change the lightbulb, but you never know how many will show up and shoot the previous one so they can take the credit for it.
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Originally Posted by Steelclaw
Q: How many Arachnos Soldiers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them… Actually, only one, but that’s only after attrition as they fight each other to see who is the “best qualified.” |
"But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses."
-- Bruce Leverett, Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers
Loved the nemesis one!! brilliant stuff
Q: How many Tsoo does it take to change a lightbulb
A: Two. One to change the lightbulb, and a tattoo artist to tattoo mystical lightbulb changing powers onto him.
Inquiry:
Quantity of humans: Replacement of light fixture?
Response:50:
Preparation needed: Bomb ship
:heh
What...the Rikti can joke too...
Awesome jokes! I had to restrain my laughing so as to not wake up the house.
Here is my pathetic attempt at a joke.
Q: How many PvPers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We will never know. Every time someone tries they are killed before reaching the socket because [Carry Lightbulb] causes Travel Suppression.
Favorite Hero: Computer (Empathy/Energy Blast Defender)
Favorite Villain: Gimp Computer (Fire Control/Psionic Assault Dominator)
A: None; they dont change it; they go back in time to when it was still working.
I told him that, if he did it right, he could finish before he started.