Was I in the wrong here?
By
Adeon Hawkwood,
Posted on: 2009-11-30 09:02 in CoH and CoV General Discussions
Nah. The problem was his. I never mind someone asking politely if they can join. Sometime I want to play solo, but often if I am not with my usual gang I will team with random people if they ask.
The only ones I don't resond to are the ones who basically send:
"Add me"
"Add me"
"Add me"
"Why won't you add me? I wanna team!"
If someone is commanding me to add him, I tend to ignore it. Everything else is good.
Est sularis oth Mithas
Jerks are every where. Seemed like the problem was his, and you are most likely better off that you are on his ignore list.
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Nope, the guy was a tool. Since the SSK went live I've had so many people asking to join me on the team I gave up searching if someone left. As long as you are polite (and your tell was) then I would give one of the responses you listed, usually with a good luck if we are full.
He was rude. However, Judy Martin (Miss Manners) would point out that rudeness does not justify the use of rudeness in return.
My scrapper doesn't need an AoE. She IS an AoE.
This is why the search window needs a 'team looking form members' flag option. I do remember that as one of the few good features of DDO.
Personally I don't like when people ask to join my team. I never invite them, and always /ignore them if they persist. However, I don't bother being rude to them.
Too many alts to list.
I mostly agree with docbuzzard. I don't particuarly care for people trying to invite themselves onto my team but that doesn't absolve my reposibility to be polite to them in return. (Also as a note, the main reason I don't like it is because it's almost always someone lower level than the team, your method of asking for invites to teams lower level than yourself is much more palatable.)
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Out of curiostiy, why do you dislike it? It's no worse than you inviting someone else to your team. If you have a spot they could fill (depending on AT etc if you are a player who likes a specific make up) what do you have to lose?|
Originally Posted by docbuzzard
This is why the search window needs a 'team looking form members' flag option. I do remember that as one of the few good features of DDO.
Personally I don't like when people ask to join my team. I never invite them, and always /ignore them if they persist. However, I don't bother being rude to them. |
I do agree with the /ignore if they persist.
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Yep. Sometimes you have to know when to just not make matters worse.
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Originally Posted by Reddi35
A
I should have stopped there and let him be |
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This.
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Originally Posted by Zyphoid
Jerks are every where. Seemed like the problem was his, and you are most likely better off that you are on his ignore list.
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99% of the time, anyone who responds with "Grow up kid" needs to grow up.
And I don't see why anyone would have a problem with a person seeing if your team could use them, as long as you're around their level, not a level 1 asking to join 40s or higher. But I love having 8 person teams, so maybe that's just me.
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I can't speak for other posters, but one reason I dislike it is that I often get "Can I join your team?" requests when I'm, you know, not teamed. Since you can tell by the search tool who does and does not have a team currently, this indicates to me that the person asking either can't be bothered to think for a moment, or doesn't understand the search system, which sometimes (not always) indicates the kind of confusion that means I'll have to tiresomely explain everything. You know, should I invite the person, which means I'd form a team, find something to do, and start herding cats.|
Originally Posted by Diggis
Out of curiostiy, why do you dislike it? It's no worse than you inviting someone else to your team. If you have a spot they could fill (depending on AT etc if you are a player who likes a specific make up) what do you have to lose?
I do agree with the /ignore if they persist. |
But I'm never rude to the people who do this -- it's a small world, and I may be teamed with them some day soon.
So far I haven't tried to invite myself onto teams of strangers (friends are another matter). I do form my own teams often enough, and for Task Forces, if we need more to start, I even will send /tells to strangers who don't have their team flag set -- although I don't send any to people the search tool indicates already have teams. I try to be as polite as possible when so doing, though.
In return, when people are polite or thoughtful in inviting me, I make an effort to join; and even if I can't take them up on it (say, I'm leving the house in a few more minutes), I make a player note about that player, because the good ones are worth remembering.
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In my opinion, there's fault on both of you and a lot of unknown information. We have no idea of the existing team's circumstances (supergroup only or already full, for example) or how often the respondent had been receiving these "reverse invites." The team member's response was rude, and you should have let the issue drop instead of retaliating.
An update to the team search window to indicate team leaders and show teams looking for more would be a big help. Overall, I doubt this situation is going to have any serious effect, and you'll probably never run into the offender again.
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In general no it isn't any worse than sending tells to people asking if they'd like to join your team. However there is one critical difference which is that when I send tells asking people if they'd like to join I know that there is space for them on my team and that they are not on a team. When someone sends me a tell asking to join my team he knows nothing about my team other than the fact that I'm on it.|
Originally Posted by Diggis
Out of curiostiy, why do you dislike it? It's no worse than you inviting someone else to your team. If you have a spot they could fill (depending on AT etc if you are a player who likes a specific make up) what do you have to lose?
I do agree with the /ignore if they persist. |
However the thing that does bug me (which doesn't apply to the OP) is that people will often use this to try and invite themselves to a higher level team for power leveling. In these days of SSK this is less of an issue than it used to be since the maximum level gap is only 1 but it's still the trend that I've seen.
I form my own teams usually but,if I'm doing a rikti raid then I usually get on someone elses team.
The guy was a jerk pure and simple,I may or may not have responded it depends on what my mood was at that moment.I've been warned in the past about what I have said to people and it really doesn't bug me.
Sounds like to me the the person was on pms and that their life probably sucks,so you should probably pity him/her instead for the lose they could have had of your company and a possible friend.
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Like Sailboat said, I tend to get these requests when I'm soloing (without a LFT flag on). If I'm soloing without my LFT flag up it's because (for whatever reason) I just want to solo. Now I've got some guy asking to join me and I kind of feel bad about telling him "no" since he wants someone to play with. Maybe I'm too much of a softie and just shouldn't care.|
Originally Posted by Diggis
Out of curiostiy, why do you dislike it? It's no worse than you inviting someone else to your team. If you have a spot they could fill (depending on AT etc if you are a player who likes a specific make up) what do you have to lose?
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Now, if I am teamed or have my LFT flag up then I'll join with with just about anyone (or send them to the team leader). It's just being put on the spot that I dislike. It's not a huge deal but I'd rather not have it happen.
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This is how I feel. If I'm soloing and I didn't hide from search or set my flag, then no harm no foul, since it's on me. If someone starts sending tells to all an sundry, whether they're teamed or not, it's a distraction with a very low chance for hitting on a team/person that can invite you.|
Originally Posted by docbuzzard
Personally I don't like when people ask to join my team. I never invite them, and always /ignore them if they persist. However, I don't bother being rude to them.
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If I'm on a TF, the last thing I want to see is everyone stopping for a moment because they all have to respond to the guy who is just running down the list and we all have to send out "no sorry team full" or "no sorry on a TF"
The person sending the tells may have the best intentions and be very polite, but that doesn't change the fact they're interrupting someone who is clearly engaged. (grayed out in the search window).
Personally I rely on my global channels, or my friendlist and don't indiscriminately send messages to everyone who shows on search.
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At least you were polite, so no harm there. And while I could sympathize with the other player's overall frustration, there's absolutely no reason to berate you for asking.
Personally, I'll consider a PM inquiry if its an "event" instance where I can see the person is literally waiting to get on a team and get a piece of the action (the hive, the crash site, lusca, the ghost ship, etc). Otherwise no. Its the full reverse of the "looking for team?" telemarketer who constantly PMs then sends a blind team invite. At the risk of sounding antisocial, its up to players - not the Devs or anyone else - to decide if they want to team or take on more teammates.
That said, the game should do a better job of "encouraging" team play (which it used to be very good at in the past). If and when the game's regional "Monster" events get an upgrade, I suspect it'll be a lot easier to find/join a team without always having to send a PM inquiry first. I recall the first-ever Monster battles feeling extremely epic and popular for teaming - shows how much perceptions have changed over the years. 
that dude was a D-bag. you were totally in the right, and if it were me you wouldn't have even got a tell back, instead we'd be talkin in the green font 
With someone that mentally retarded, you were better off not joining them. Don't feel bad about it at all.
Asking to join a team, when looked at in isolation, would seem to be an insignificant event.
However, when you're on a TF and everyone on your team is hit with a dozen requests to join your team, then it is a real annoyance. And that's why you'll get the rude 'buzz off' reply, because that person got hit with many such unwanted requests.
A sociology experiment that was done to determine if people in the southern parts of the U.S. were nicer than their northern counterparts had experimenters go up to strangers on the street to ask for the time or directions. When done in isolation, the strangers were very cordial and cooperative. When the experimenters set themselves up to target the same person several times as they walked down the street, then the famous southern hospitality soon went by the wayside by the third or fifth interruption in their routine. The lesson is that people have a limit to friendly requests.
That said, when I get a request to join my team, I tell them I'm on a TF. Then I promptly put myself on 'hide from searches.' End of problem.
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Basically, this, with caveats. I don't like being asked if there's room on my team, because I typically only team with folks in my global channels and on my friends list. (Although if they invite people I don't know, I don't pitch a fit, obviously.)|
Originally Posted by Lemur Lad
This is how I feel. If I'm soloing and I didn't hide from search or set my flag, then no harm no foul, since it's on me. If someone starts sending tells to all an sundry, whether they're teamed or not, it's a distraction with a very low chance for hitting on a team/person that can invite you.
If I'm on a TF, the last thing I want to see is everyone stopping for a moment because they all have to respond to the guy who is just running down the list and we all have to send out "no sorry team full" or "no sorry on a TF" The person sending the tells may have the best intentions and be very polite, but that doesn't change the fact they're interrupting someone who is clearly engaged. (grayed out in the search window). Personally I rely on my global channels, or my friendlist and don't indiscriminately send messages to everyone who shows on search. |
There is a note in my search comment on every character ("No team unless I know you") - this weeds out a great number of folks, as most people are learning to respect search comments (it used to be basically worthless to make a search comment), although there are the idiots that PM me with "Are you sure you don't want to team even though you don't know me?" (No, I am not going to change my mind for your random-schmoe butt. Your momma may think you're special, but I don't know you from the next guy on the street.)
However, this happens very infrequently since I basically live on /hidesearch.
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Originally Posted by Dispari
I don't know why Dink thinks she's not as sexy as Jay was. In 5 posts she's already upstaged his entire career.
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Regardless of opinions and preferences regarding teaming and tells, that reply of theirs was uncalled for. And, like others have said, it's a bit pathetic of them and no loss to you. It is odd when some over-reactionary twit freaks out and puts you on ignore (Or claims to). Me? Me.. on ignore?? Wha??
Ah well!
I personally never send random tells for a spot on someone else's team (my playstyle, however, isn't exactly in the majority, for certain), but, so long as the sender takes the step of actually typing out a polite inquiry, I have zero problem with being asked, no matter what I am doing. I also have no qualms with telling people "no", so I think that can be an issue for some, hehe.
Seriously though... when any interaction online is more than "got n e room?" or "can I join team?"... and I love the "hi" from a stranger...
Yeah, anyways... I can understand the guy's frustrations, no doubt.. but a tell like yours is the last person deserving such a response.
- My 2 influence plus tax
Oh... and happy gaming... no worries, bad interactions happen. At least there was no chance for physical harm!
@Zethustra
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and round up everyone that knows more than they do"-Dylan
and round up everyone that knows more than they do"-Dylan
The guy who barked at the original poster was rude ... but I don't entirely blame him.
Especially hero-side, where the ratio of people who want to be on teams to people who are willing to start teams seems to be about 20 or more to one. Whenever someone complains in a global channel that they can't find a team, I suggest to them that they start one. The reply is always, "oh, no, I hate forming teams." So what we have here is a widespread cultural expectation that (a) recruiting is hard work and (b) 19 out of 20 of us are entitled to have the same 1 out of 20 of us do that hard work for us, on command, and we're entitled to be cranky and feel that there's something wrong with the game if there aren't enough of them around 24x7.
I'm not saying I'd bark at the original poster. But then, I solo a LOT. (Personally, what drives me to want to bark at people is when I'm solo, have my "No invites" flag on, and still get "Can I join your team?" /tells. Look, if I were interesting in forming a team, I wouldn't be in a hurry to recruit people who can't read.)
A few nights ago I logged in and started doing my ritual of broaddcasting "Level X X looking for team!" When that doesn't work I look for people my level or lower and send a tell "Hi there! Level X X, Could your team use a hand?"
Normally I get one of 3 things "Sure, one sec", "Ask X, he is the leader", or "No thank you, we are full" to which I normally respond, "No worries, please keep me in mind if a spot opens. Take Care"
However, here is how this conversation went.
me: Hi there, Level 41 Corruptor. Can your team use a hand?
him: no. I am sick and tired of people inviting themselves onto my team. If I wanted you on my team I would have invited you. Stop trying to intrude on other peoples team. I have no idea why people just don't form their damn own.
I should have stopped there and let him be, but nonetheless...
me: Well for one, that was rude. Two, I just logged in, maybe you could have used another and instead of wasting time trying to find somebody, you go ahead with the mission. From my point of view, why form a team without even trying to get on an existing one?
him: Grow up kid, if you think that was rude you need to open your eyes, stop playing the game and walk outside. Also, welcome to my ignore list.
EDIT: For the record, I was not spamming and they were not in the same zone.