101 Uses for a Dead Statesman

It's not too soon is it?

When I was younger I used to read these "humor" books called "101 Uses for a Dead Cat"... Now, admitedly those were illustrated... but I think we can manage...

Don't stop until we reach 101.... I'll start us out...

1) Propping open that door that always swings shut at Freedom Phalanx Headquarters.

2) Once rigormortis sets him use him as a buffet table... his half-helmet can hold the dip!

3) Prop him in the corner of the Phalanx Headquarters men's room... use cape to wipe hands after washing.

4) Sit him on park bench... take a drink every time someone asks him for an autograph.

5) Rent him out to various Necromancy Masterminds.

6) Have him play Jacob Marley in the annual Phalanx production of "A Christmas Carol"...

7) Have him play Yorick in the Phalanx production of "Hamlet"...

8) Cameo appearance in the upcoming Samuraiko/Steelclaw production of "City of Oz"... as the Wicked Witch of the East...

9) Underarm deoderant test dummy.

10) Best.... Halloween.... Decoration.... EVER!

11) Lay him on his back... use star on chest as "pitch til you win" carnival game...

12) Organ donor for Superman.

13) Seated on Back Alley Brawler's knee to display BAB's here-to-for unknown talent for ventriloquism...

14) Donated to the Vahzilok just to see what they come up with...

15) Starring in a Samuraiko remake of "Week-End at Bernie's"...

16) Hang from long wire beneath blimp in Atlas Park... see if Ms. Liberty falls for it...

17) "Is It Tougher Than Statesman?" game/reality show where body is loaded into a cannon and shot at various things...

18) Face down in Positron's office and used as a file holder... .... ..... sorry.

19) Featured on "The Ultimate Meat Tenderizer: Kitchen Wonder" informercials.

20) Thrown into the stasis field in Pocket D when DJ Zero needs a bathroom break.

21) Newest option in the Shield Defense and Titan weapon customization.

22) Knocking some sense into Ms. Liberty for using the Resurrection ritual, she happened to have, on Red Widow.

23) Feed it to Mot so that he gains the power to walk right into painfully obvious traps.

24. Carpool!!

25. Model for his eventual statue (yeah, not funny, but he deserves one dontcha think.)

30. Hang him in the middle of Atlas with a sign around his neck: "This is what happens when the Off-tank tries to pull aggro!"

31. Send him to Reichsman in a box with the note "Steal this Cole's power Suck-a-duck; look behind you!"

32. Give him to Flambeux so she can pretend he's her friend and fan and will leave the rest of us the **** alone!

30) give it to lord recluse as a present to be either.....

31) lord recluses wall hanging or.....

32) new throw rug after its preserved n stuff

33. Will it blend?

34: Drain his blood and sneak it into the Paragon Blood Bank to be "accidentally" given to one or more people. That's a Superhero Origin Story just begging to happen!

35: Dismantle him and transplant the organs into an entire supergroup called the Statespeople.

36:Turn him into a batch of the very highest quality NutriPaste.

37. Dress him up like Tyrant and just leave him in the men's room at Studio 55.

38. Disrespectful marionette show.

39. Leave his body at the cloning plant with a big bow tied around it.

40. Create a teenage clone of him, a robot replica, a half-clone cyborg, and spur some token minority into symbolically taking up the Statesman mantle. The ensuing nonsense is sure to warp reality and rouse Statesman from death, possibly blowing his mind so much that he splits into two Statesman energy beings.

41. Soylent Green is Marcus Cole!

42: Remake of Weekend at Bernie's.

43) Snowboard or toboggan at the next Winter Event.

44) Spring load it into Hero One's capsule and scare the crap out of some lowbies getting their capes.

45) Rent it out to Villains during the Spring Fling for when they can't find a hero to destroy the cauldron.

46) Padder for TF's when you just need one more person to start.

47) Newest Vanity Pet on the Market! When active you'll deny all rez prompts.

48) Chew toy for the Umbral Beast to shut it up.

49: The ONLY CoH Rentable Collectible worth having (for the first three weeks... then the smell gets a bit...)

"You got to dig it to dig it, you dig?"
Thelonious Monk

50. Stand him up in front of a permanently open portal to Praetorian Earth so that every time someone looks through, there's Statesman staring at them.

(And no, I'm not remaking Weekend at Bernie's, not even for you, Steelclaw.)

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

51: Use him as a villains new melee weapon..

52. Recycle his cape as they did to make the flag at City Hall to have a new leather textured flag! Rock on!

53. Put him in stasis and wait to see how long it'll take before there's four guys claiming to be him to come along.




S.

54. Get him stuffed and mounted on the wall he is great for party conversations.

55. Shave his head, wax his legs, and use him as a surfboard.

56. Once he stiffens up, throw some preserving oils on him and he becomes his own statue. No sculptor needed!

57) he'd also make a nice skin for Titan weapon set

58) boxing bag for the gym