Apparently, I just need to get over it

Apparently, I just need to get over it...

I just need to get over being a decent human being....

A few days ago, I am on a team where a member says "Statement indicating he is a pedophile?"

So I say, "umm, ok, can we please not talk about this? This is inappropriate, and as I have children, I am uncomfortable with this line of conversation."

And I get "you need to lighten up. I don't care about your children, and I don't even know where you live, so I couldn't possibly come to your house and do things to your children"

So I go, "ok, yes, I see your point, but what you are talking about is unsettling, and I politely request that you stop talking about it, not to mention the fact that what you are talking about is illegal and against the rules for CoX."

And he says "Having sexual desire for children is not illegal, only acting on it is"

And I say "Ok, but I would really appreciate it if you didn't discuss this kind of atrocities against children in this forum."

And he proceeds to tell me how anyone who says "think about the children" makes his head explode, and how anyone who takes offense at comments made by people on the internet are idiots.

This conversation went on for way longer than it should have, but I was really trying to understand how he thought it was ok to make those kind of comments and he was only too happy to continue to tell me I was an *****.

I took screen shots of the convo, but didn't keep them, since most of the other people on the team kept telling me to "lighten up".


Fast forward a bit...


So, I am in a costume contest in Atlas tonight, and the people are talking about some video game where they get lots of points for killing children. Again, I politely request that they stop talking about killing children, since I am a parent and the subject matter is disturbing to me. AGAIN I get that I need to "lighten up", and that somehow, in their minds, slaughtering children is fine as long as it is in a video game. Like, somehow, as long as it is "virtual", it is totally ok to slaughter and maim and **** children. I don't get this.

But, apparently, I am in the minority.

Apparently, it is perfectly fine to do horrible, depraved, tortuous things to people, since this is a "game", and if anyone takes offense at the discussion of said atrocities, they just need to "lighten up".

Seriously.

I don't understand how most people can agree that it is not ok to commit hate crimes against alternative sexualities and persons of color and the like, but somehow, it is perfectly ok to talk about atrocities towards children. I, for one, do NOT find it acceptable chatter to talk about
violence against ANY person for reasons of race, creed, gender, sexuality, age, religion, or any of the other 'isms......But I find it particularly atrocious when hate and filth is directed towards the sweet, innocent babies. But, apparently, I just need to "get over it", since people are allowed to say whatever they want when on the interwebs.

I totally expect this thread to get axed, since it is inflammatory and contains some bad words, but I would really like to get some feedback on it before it does.

Am I being too sensitive? Do I really and truly need to "get over it"?

Please respond.

Portions in italics were edited to remove details inappropriate for the CoH forums -Mod08

Hope you reported said individual, if not, give me his global, I'll make his life hell


JJ

,....right, that conversation wasn't strange at all....

I agree with you on the first half of your story. That person should have dropped the subject, as it obviously made you uncomfortable. (and, as others have pointed out, it could lead to legal repercussions to him.)

However, I do think that the second part, when you requested people "not talk about killing children", when they're talking about a video game, that... there you do need to lighten up a a bit. They were simply discussing a video game, perhaps the game is a somewhat malicious one, but it's still a video game.

Look at CoH/V for a moment.
Hero side, you're encouraged to beat people down, simply for what they're wearing. (How often do we see Hellions or other gang members just kinda chilling, not doing anything wrong?)
Hero side, vigilante justice is REWARDED. In the real world if you put on a cape and ran around beating up criminals, you'd become a criminal yourself.

and let's not even talk about Redside. >.>

Video games are not reality. People do things within video games that they cannot, and should not, do IRL. It's that simple. Just because we do something in a video game, does not mean we're even predisposed to doing it IRL.
I've played Grand Theft Auto. I'm not going to run around town, stealing cars and shooting people for fun.
I'm not going to strap on a sword and go spelunking and kill everything I find.

....wow. Your first conversation is more shocking than anything I've ever heard in-game. I'm sorry that happened to you. The person you were talking to was just trying to be inflammatory, I think, since the subject the subject matter is not only controversial but incredibly personal. He only would have brought up the topic (and asked "any thoughts") if he were trying to incite an argument. The indifference of your teammates is disappointing, too.

You did the right thing by speaking up and defending your position. You definitely don't need to "get over it".

Leave the team.

Report the offender.

Discussing with them is pointless. If what they said was against the rules (or, in this case outright illegal) then the GMs can deal with it. I've never seen anything accomplished by discussing something in-game. Don't take on the stress. Move on.

About the pedophile, I feel the same way you do. But why you didn't just report the guy, /ignore him, and/or leave your team is beyond me. Would've saved you a lot of trouble, IMO. But that's just my rage talking.

I'm not going to comment about the "violent video game" bit, though. Best if I don't.

No...dont just"get over it" you are right, and they were wrong. Alot of things on this earth are just...unspeakably repulsing, and I'm glad that there are some people out there that haven't killed their conscious and don't just "get over it".

Meh just another odd day you were having. If this is the first, it wont be the last as new subjects will pop up. The worst I do is ignore people and if they are persistent (where one kept managing to evade the /ignore function) I simply ignore them voluntarily. In other words, flat out avoid replying and/or log off.

While he has a point when it comes to technicalities, you said it bothered you therefore wished to change the subject; he didn't listen and brought it out. Any longer and no doubt he'd be the one complaining at why people are getting so upset at him despite coming across as an intelligent individual (pointing out semantics) who should of been on the top of the ball before hand. So while I would of done things maybe differently, probably avoid him entirely via leaving the group or simply discuss matters further, I still think you gave him a warning and enacted upon it after the person persisted.

Me, I love discussions as controversial as they can be. I don't give a ****. I probably would of turned that group into a debate-get-together had I been there because I find socializing to be an interesting aspect of the MMO genre. But again that's me, you had your reasons so I don't believe you did anything wrong nor do I do I really agree with the person as seeing you taking things too personally (since he accused you of needing to lighten up).

I agree that the first whack job (pun intended) should have been put on /ignore at the first or second comment and that you should have /petition-ed him as well. Problem solved.

However, when it comes to the video game discussion? Are you serious? I must agree that you need to lighten up a bit.

Snippet:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ximmy ...But I find it particularly atrocious when hate and filth is directed towards the sweet, innocent babies.

I almost laughed out loud at this part. Sweet and innocent babies? Give me a break. Kids are nothing more than reflections of society with primitive logical capacity, they can be just as malicious and bitter as any adult can, in some cases, worse. I think you need to get out more and re-examine your biases.

Sweet and innocent. Wow.

Snippet:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadowclone ...you are right, and they were wrong.

I find it amusing that you can see things as black and white as all that.

I agree with the first part of your post. ANY vile, perverted, or violent thoughts against children I find extremely obscene. However, I am a heavy gamer. I play games such as Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto, The Darkness. These games goal is almost completely mutilating and maiming your enemies for whatever cause good or evil. I enjoy gunning people down in them as stress relief and entertainment. HOWEVER, in real life I could never imagine doing such a thing to another person and am in fact quite nice. (although a little anti-social ^_^)

i would definitely have reported the first (with copies of my logs, if possible), 1 starred him, added "pedophile" to his player note, put him on gignore, and then left team. i definitely wouldn't have validated him by staying and having a discussion with him. You fed the troll, there.

The second group, i would have gignored, maybe added a note about why, and left.

Life is too short to feed trolls.

I don't exactly what you mean by should you "get over it" - get over being a concerned parent? Of course not. Get over being offended by someone so maladjusted and poorly raised that they can't distinquish the difference between positive attention and negative attention? I would say probably so. You can do that and still be a decent human being, by the way.

There are always going to be people we deal with we find unpleasant. At the present time - we can't control them, we can only control how we react to them. Why let some random jerk ruin your night? Report them for their vile conduct - but don't give them the satisfaction of reacting to them.

I haven't bothered to figure out the system for complaining about other players but I think if I had experienced those first comments I would have taken the time... The time to find out how to report them, not to argue with them. I cannot help but think of the rather rude but true net-ism about how arguing with someone on the internet is like competing in the special olympics....

So, like others have stated, I believe the first instance should have been reported and that perhaps you were a bit too sensitive about the second issue since it was about a game and all violence should be repulsive to people in reality but a game is a game and this game itself condones violence within it... Violence I suspect they are not encouraging people to enact outside of the game.

Thank you all for your responses, and your very valid points. I probably should have waited until I had calmed down before posting this thread, but I was still stinging a bit from the LAST go-round. My husband agrees with all of you, by the way *chuckles*. He said I should have reported the first guy, and quit the team, and that I should have just ignored the chatter in the CC.
I think you are all right. And I appreciate the support, as well as the rather gentle suggestions on which points I really should just "let go".
And next time, I promise not to "feed the trolls" *grins*

I think a lot of people use their anonymity in this game and have played "in game" (meaning no outside RL contact) for way too long to understand that their behavior is not only rude, or rash but just down right disgusting. There are a couple things you should NEVER joke about in game, and that is one of them. PERIOD.

I don't think you need to 'get over it' I think you need to report the issue because I certainly don't want to get in a group with a person like that. Reporting is about getting those types of players out of the game.