Funny AFK

Years ago I was on a team with two players who said they were married IRL and they went AFK for 20 minutes or so. When they got back one of them said "Sorry, got in the mood" and the girl called him an [censored].

The best I've ever seen was one of mine, when I typed, "afk bleeding all over mouse." The cuticles on my fingers tend to crack in cold, dry weather, and this was a real gusher. I'd been wondering why the cursor wasn't moving right. The blood on the mousepad had been throwing the optical scanner off.

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I've had several instances of "AFK, Police at door".

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Seriously. Go write a book about all these. It sounds like it'd be a great read.

And I think I found the perfect title for it, too.

Still waiting for his Official BackAlleyBrawler No-Prize

My personal favorite happened just the other day.

I am playing downstairs (when I had my house finished I had the basement turned into my office and my master bedroom) and wife yells out, "Honey...Um...can you come here please. It's really important."

So I AFK Wife Aggro.

Go upstairs and there is a black bear cub on my porch sniffing at my sealed trash can.

Yeah...I live in the middle of no where, in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. You know...the kind of place where, perhaps in the winter with no leaves, you might be able to see a neighbor.

Regretfully I do not, yet, own a firearm. But, I am a rather large man (6'5" and around 320lbs), a former pro football player and an Army veteran. I also own a fair number of weapons. Swords, spears, maces, axes, etc... (the real deal too not the 'display only' kind of stuff).

So I snatch a spear off my wall and head outside to chase Yogi off.

Black Bears are not very large. An adult male might get to 300 or so pounds. I was a bio major when I first entered college...did a term paper on bears my freshman year.

I stepped outside...poked Yogi Jr to encourage him to leave the house...he does. Starts wandering away. Now...I am maaaaaaaybe three steps from my front door. Got a 100lbs yellow lab/white sheppard mix waiting at the door.

I, THANK GOD, hear the bellow (I am soooo glad she roared or bellowed or whatever) and turn my head to see mom barreling down my driveway right at me.

20 + years of football, a black belt in a couple of forms of martial arts, a 7' spear in my hands, a US Army veteran (Desert Storm anyone?), and I out weighed her by about 100 pounds.

I couldn't get in the door fast enough. A pissed off moma bear is the last thing I EVER (at least not without an assault rifle of a large bore shotgun in my hands) want to piss off and then be that close to.

After I was able to breath and the bears went on thier merry little way...dog was brave, he wanted out there and a piece of mom...dumb dog...I went back to my PC.

I type: "Sorry all...pissed off momma-bear almost ate me"

Six players all stood there...and the questions flew.

I've had several instances of "AFK, roommate on fire". I've never quite figured out how his clothes have been able to spontaneously combust, but we're both pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that he runs the university organic chemistry lab and, even though he's incredibly safe about it, he still gets residue on his clothes (especially his noxious labcoat). He's yet to be injured by his flaming outerwear, but it's always an interesting thing to have to explain to people when I have to leave a TF for a couple minutes to bat out the flames.

So far I've had to AFk for....

... dog vomit...

... cockroaches in the sink (actually they're junebugs, but they still freak everyone out)...

... "I want a massage!"... for those, I usually just log out, heh...

... tornado/storm sirens...

... and once, when my foster son was 'taken for questioning' and his girlfriend freaked out and came by the house, completely hysterical.

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The 'x' and the 'c' should not be next to each other:
"AFK for a sex" yeah, I've typed that many times.

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I've seen "AFK sex phone".

Good thing her mother wasn't on the team!

It wasnt in CoH, and it wasn't me.. But the funniest AFK I have ever seen is the following;

We were in the middle of a party in FFXI. Now in FFXI, if even one member went AFK (especially a support), the team was pretty much on standstill until they got back.

We were playing with a supposed couple. They kept flirting back and forth through out the party, and about 40 minutes in one said "afk we are going to have a quickie". Sure enough they both went afk.

It was both hilarious and irritating at the same time. What sucked the most was one of em was our healer so we had to wait for em to come back... I think I got sick of waiting and just left LOL.

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This makes me

Garlic is toxic to cats.

[/ QUOTE ]In large amounts. NOT in the small amount of bread I gave her. There's also evidence that small amounts are beneficial.

I had a cat that ate everything from pineapple to jalepeño peppers. EVERYTHING got double-checked before she was allowed to have it.

But your concern is appreciated. Don't ever hesitate to express it.

AFK shucking corn.

--NT

Hell, even *Water* is toxic to us in massive quantities!

Water Poisoning

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About 5 seconds ago someone typed

AFK HEAD

So... um... I typed AFK TAILS?

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Funny response, but I'm hazarding a guess that the "head" they were referring to is the restroom. In the Navy, maybe.

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See.
I was thinking they were talking about something MUCH dirtier
and so I was tryin to "lighten" it up a bit

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I don't think anybody would mind going afk for some head or for some tail. Those are the best reasons ever.

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About 5 seconds ago someone typed

AFK HEAD

So... um... I typed AFK TAILS?

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Funny response, but I'm hazarding a guess that the "head" they were referring to is the restroom. In the Navy, maybe.

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See.
I was thinking they were talking about something MUCH dirtier
and so I was tryin to "lighten" it up a bit

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I don't think anybody would mind going afk for some head or for some tail. Those are the best reasons ever.

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Hey, you either bring enough to share with everyone, or you wait until we're all done.

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Just like dogs and chocolate. Yes chocolate can kill them but it takes one ounce of milk chocolate per pound of body weight to kill a dog. So if your 20 pound pug eats a single candy bar it will be fine. Dark chocolate on the other hand is significantly more dangerous.

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I had a 60 lb basset hound eat 13 oz. of baking chocolate. That's the unsweetened pure chocolate type. That would have made a dog twice his size very very sick, and would have killed him. Luckily, large amounts of salt (also toxic) dumped down his throat saved his life.

The moral of the story: Sometimes the best antidote for poison is more poison.

I've had to "afk house flooding" a time or two.

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The moral of the story: Sometimes the best antidote for poison is more poison.

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What are "Things that the Boy Scouts didn't teach me, but Ninja Scroll did", Alex?

One time I typed "do you smell something" before runninf off to see what my brother was burning, I cam back an everyone was like WTF?

Regarding the "kitties eating what they shouldn't" issue, I had a cat once ate about 5 inches of one green onion shoot (the top green end) and nearly died. Anything from that family is poison for them. Sure, I'd also let them lick my soup bowls or something, but after that event I decided better safe than sorry.

Remember to keep your green onions and garlic (that might sprout) in the fridge, k?

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Remember to keep your green onions and garlic (that might sprout) in the fridge, k?

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I don't have to worry about that. My cat's fetish is fresh fruit (he adores plums and apples) and pistachios. He won't even look at vegetables or tubers.

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I've had several instances of "AFK, Police at door".

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I had one of those on Guild Wars once because the local cops apparently couldn't tell the difference between a vase and a bong.

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I've had several instances of "AFK, Police at door".

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I had one of those on Guild Wars once because the local cops apparently couldn't tell the difference between a vase and a bong.

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Are you Matthew McConaughey in real life? Doing some naked bongo playing?