ZERO STARS: The Worst of the Worst of MA

If you know me, you know I'm a pretty laid-back guy. If you don't know me, now you do. Not much can get me genuinely pissed off. I'm friendly. I always try to have fun with people, no matter how much of a jerk they are.
But if there's one thing I love to do, it's rant. I can rant rant rant rant about the tiniest things.

Whether you love it or hate it, there's no question that Mission Architect was a massive boon for this game. It's brought nearly an infinite amount of content for consumption, and you can easily go from 1-50 without experiencing the same old same old that's been around for about five years.
This is not necessarily a good thing.

For every amazing arc that has thumbs-up everywhere and would be getting instant Hall of Fame if not for...whatever reason, there's at least fifty utterly horrible arcs.
Some of these are just because of clueless newbies, trying to feel around with the system and get learned about such things.
Some of these are because they simply don't care and want to push something out for the heck of it.
Some of these are because they're so blinded that they think anything put out by them is encrusted with diamonds and gold.
There's really a whole lot of reasons for publishing a horrible arc. There's a whole lot of things that MAKE a horrible arc.

But I'm here to play them.
My latest hobby ever since AE was released was to play through horrible arcs. I don't know why I took on such a pasttime, but I consider it "fun" to do this. Yes, I am actively enjoying getting hampered by every single mouth-breathing sweating mission clutching at my feet and assaulting me with mountains of retardation that only proves Ludd right.
Clearly, I need mental help.
But if I'm going to play about them, then I might as well write about them. As said before, I love to rant, and these all will give me plenty of opportunities to rant! As well as suck what fun that can be had out of them as I analyze them from numerous perspectives, thus reducing me to a gibbering shell of a man.

I'm sure excited!
It'll be fun!

And by "fun", I mean "oh god please kill me".



RATINGS:
Everything is rated on a scale of one to five. One meaning just generic horribleness that you can slap together anywhere, and five meaning okay this is pretty horrible and I seem to be suddenly bald and my hands full of hair. And now I'm going to collapse and die because that ruptured at least eightteen veins.

JERK MOVES: Kill-all with Ninjutsu enemies. Required destructable objects flagged as friendly. The stuff that's just plain unfair to play through.
INCOHERENCY: I'm not exactly expecting Shakespeare-level plot here, but punctuation along with basic grammar structure is appreciated.
IRRITATION: The basic concept of it all, the maps, the enemies, how does it all come together? Well, terribly, but HOW terrible?
COMPLETABLE: How much patience and tolerance do you need to actually see this through to the end?

FINAL ANGRY METER: On a scale of one to ten, how angry did this make me?

SAVE THE STRIPPER
Playthrough Cohorts: @Crasical (please send him well-wishes, he's been traumatized by it)
Arc ID: 5199
Morality: Neutral
Description: The Order of Death have hatched a sinister plot to try to take the world's most valued stripper and horde her for themselves. You must stop them.
Characters used: Henteko Shinzui (Katana/Super Reflexes Scrapper), Argorath (Elec Melee/Energy Aura Brute)



And already this gets to a promising start! The world's most-valued stripper! Man, what a title. What. A. Title. Such prestige!
I mean, sure, there's money and food and clothing and all that stuff, but a stripper? Top priority, man, you just haven't lived until you've seen some jigglies get shaken! Who needs drink when you've got a miniskirt and thighhighs rubbing across your lap?
It's the WORLD'S most-valued stripper, too! Third-world relief? War torn countries? Screwthat! She gets sent in to Etheopia and Afghanistan, that'll raise their hopes!

My God, our military are strategic GENIUSES.
Whoever thought breasts could hold such power.
Someone get president Obama on the line, I've got some better weapons of mass destruction than his namby-pansy nukes!

I'm gettin' pumped up for this! I'm ready! I'm willing!
So I fire up WinAmp and load my theme song, and saunter up to the contact. Yeah, he's smirkin', he knows how badass I am. Decked out in black leather, with black hair, a black trenchcoat, black pants, a black belt, black shoes, black eyes OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN HE REALLY MEANS BUSINESS WITH SO MUCH BLACK. Maybe I should stop being so badass, he'll think...he'll think...I'm trying to UPSTAGE him!
He goes on about how the world needs me to take care of The Order of Chaos... They've kidnapped the world's most-valued stripper... They're hoarding her for themselves... And I must stop them..........
WHOAH-HOAH-HOAH THERE, BUDDY-BOY. I think your OVERFLOW OF PERIODS is just too much EXTREME for my brain to handle. In fact, one more period and I think I'll explode! Wait, I already used two. Make that thre--BOOOOOOOOOOOOM










Hah hah don't worry that was just me saying boom.

Anyway, of course I have time to rescue a stripper. What do you take me for, a NON-hero? Psssh.
I'm told that the boss of the Order is named The Boss, and that he is known to hang out in abandoned office buildings. Wait. Wait wait wait. The Order is named...The Order...and the boss is named The Boss?
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
WAIT.
WAIT.
Okay, I don't get it.
I suppose I'll just miss out on the genius, but I am but a lowly bit player paying $15 a month to play craptacular arcs. Who cares what I miss out on?



So I enter the mission and round the corner, and...oh. There she is.
Right at the start of the mission.
Well, okay. I rescue her, mission should be over, right? Except, no, she isn't, because of the crazy laws of the planet world that requested my assistance. For some reason, finding the stripper and escorting her to the door doesn't actually count as "saving" her. Turns out this mission is a Kill-All, clearly because every single bit of them has a part of her stripper essence on them and must be exterminated before they either:
A: Make clones of her.
B: Pass around interaction with her as signs of divinity.
C: Kidnap her again with the information they currently have learned.
D: Fap.

So I go further into the mission, and eventually I come face to face with The Order itself. And as soon as I see their terrifying visage, I get an epiphany. Now I realize the problem with this arc.
This arc isn't the author's fault at all. No, no.
In fact, I think the author is a perfectly normal and natural human being, and this was made by his puppy.

You see, there are no costumes for every single member of The Order. Everyone has a pre-made dev-designed preset costume. There are a few minor tweaks here and there, but otherwise every single costume is devoid of any and all human touch.
Oh, you poor man! I can only wonder how your head exploded when presented with all the different costume options! I can only wonder how you collapsed on the ground, gibbering and writhing as your baby puppy then trampled all over the keyboard, making all the rest of the mission! I hope your recovery is swift, sir! I know this arc isn't representative of your true potential, and I don't blame you a single bit for what your cute pet has wrought upon our unwitting human hordes!



Regardless, each of The Order is composed of completely random powersets chained together, which I suppose befits their Chaos nature. Not their Deathly nature, which was in the description and I assure you is completely ridden with false advertising.
Death? Them? I scoff at you! I SCOFF at you! They're not deadly at all! They're simply misunderstood young ruffians with questionable tastes in incredibly tight clothing and a misfortune of the stripper following them like lost puppies when all they wanted was just a companion for ice cream?
Oh-ho-ho-ho, they're actually really nice people once you get to know them. Death isn't at all in their desires!

At least, that's what I want to say until they pretty much killed me dead. I mentioned before that their powersets are completely random, without any semblence of rhyme or reason at all. They don't even have descriptions for it to chain it all together. They have Rad Blast/Rad Manip minions, Dual Blade/Ninjutsu minions, Grav Control/Ninjutsu LTs, Battle Axe/Fiery Aura LTs, Bots/Ninjutsu bosses, and that's just in one run-through! Ninjutsu is AWESOME! YEAH! 'Cause it was on Naruto, or something! YEAH!
And to further amp up the EXTREEEEEME factor, every single one of these powersets are set up to EXTREEEEEEME. Because nothing's more awesome than being Placated with Smoke Bomb, or having loads upon loads of Caltrops whittle you to death.
YEAH.
YEEEEEEEAH.
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH.
ow dammit my foot.

And what's the end of this fun romp guiding you throughout the chaos of this NOT-DEATH Order?
An Arch-Villain. Because everyone knows that's one of the best things a player could wish for. In fact, I know of several teams in which we were playing through arcs and they said "You know what would make this better? An ARCH-VILLAIN". Everyone loves Arch-Villains, and in fact, I think if there was an arc composed entirely of just Arch-Villain after Arch-Villain, people would be five-starring that sucker like no tomorrow. They're, like, the culmination of everything people love about the game.
Oh, and he's Plant Control/Martial Arts. Two of the COOLEST powersets ever.



In the end, what's to say about this arc? It's horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. Not a single bit of dialogue throughout the entire thing, none of the enemies have description, and your only reward at the end of it all is a "Whoo! You did it!"-esque message which provides no closure whatsoever.

If you had to choose between playing this arc and getting stabbed eightteen times with glass knives and then getting shot in the kneecaps while Rick Astley-playing boomboxes are shoved forcefully into your ear, then...uh...well, play this arc, I guess.
It doesn't really hurt you physically.

Just mentally.

And spiritually.



JERK MOVES: -3 (Surprisingly few, but they hurt. A couple Ninjutsu minions are bad enough, but the Ninjutsu lies in the majority. Unless you have +perception, you're going to be getting surprised a lot--and be hunting down the final mobs to satisfy the Kill All)
INCOHERENCY: -2 (Who is The Order? Who is The Boss? Why are the stripper's boobs known 'round the world? No glaring plot holes, but hundreds of questions are left unanswered)
IRRITATION: -4 (Nothing is given even remotely any thought as to balance, playability, or tact. Powersets are just crammed in and amped to extreme for the hell of it)
COMPLETABLE: -1 (A little patience goes a long way. Easily completable, though not for every build--non-melee ATs will have a hell of a time)

FINAL ANGER RATING: 2
Not very angry, honestly. The coolest thing about having an arc without any semblence of dialogue at all is that I can put my own words where descriptions and text balloons should be.

Radiated Killer: OH NO. WE ARE CURRENTLY IN A GREAT HEAPS BIG AMOUNT OF TROUBLE.
Chaos Robot: WHY IS THAT, MY SUSPICIOUSLY BLACK-AND-GREY-BUT-GREEN-GLOWING COMRADE?
Radiated Killer: IT IS BECAUSE OF THE TOTALLY WORLD-FAMOUS STRIPPER WE HAVE CURRENTLY BEEN IN HOLD OF.
Chaos Robot: YES, SHE IS A SIGNIFICANTLY STRIPPING WOMAN WITH A KNOWLEDGE OF STRIP. PLUS, SHE'S HOT.
Radiated Killer: NO, YOU HANDSOME AND MANLY FOOL OF FOOLISHNESS. SHE MEANS OUR DOOM!
Chaos Robot: I AM IN DISBELIEF OF THIS ACCUSATION YOU ARE PRESENTING.
Henteko Shinzui: I AM ENACTING GOLDEN DRAGONFLY, DONGHEADS!
Both: OH GOD IT BURNS IT BURNS BUT WITH STEEL BLADES!

Most intriging. I actually look forward to seeing more of your reviews. One suggestion: since 1 is "good" and 5 is bad, perhaps you should state your ratings as negatives so that they are less confusing when compared to other ratings. A "-5" as opposed to 5

Excellent review. i particularly liked your version of the absent dialogue.
i also "LOL'ed" several times.
i second the use of negative numbers in your rating system.
That is all.
For now...

This is the funniest damn thing I have read in a LONG time. Keep it up!

Moar plz.

XD

*laughed so hard she inhaled ginger ale up her nose*

Owwwwwwwwwww.

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

[ QUOTE ]
This is the funniest damn thing I have read in a LONG time. Keep it up!

[/ QUOTE ]
Seconded.

Most-valued! A favorite thread.

(Hides sig for this one)

Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
Massively.com opinion poll: Please Help Save CoH!

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
This is the funniest damn thing I have read in a LONG time. Keep it up!

[/ QUOTE ]
Seconded.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thirded.

yeah .. been in a few myself
would be nice if you could accually 'rate an arc 0 star'

i fear the mission you told us about here is only slightly more worse then my mutant rattz thoo ( i should rewrite that one so it's better )

also .. maybe someone should have an aufull MA contest.
there's a organization that hands out awards for the worst movies of the year ( called the Razzies ). we could and out awards for the worst arcs created.

This thread is some sort of awesome wrapped in a delicious layer of win. Can't wait for your next review.

[ QUOTE ]
yeah .. been in a few myself
would be nice if you could accually 'rate an arc 0 star'

[/ QUOTE ]

Double-click the 1 star. It registers as zero stars.

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
yeah .. been in a few myself
would be nice if you could accually 'rate an arc 0 star'

[/ QUOTE ]

Double-click the 1 star. It registers as zero stars.

[/ QUOTE ]

Which shows up as "unrated" if you're the only one who rated it, and will be done away with in i15 anyway, so if it's really that bad, better rate it a 1.

Negative ratings sound good, thanks--edited previous post to include them.


HOT DATE (GUYS ONLY)
Playthrough Cohorts: @Crasical, @El D, @Crimson Ripfang
Arc ID: 229681
Morality: Neutral
Description: go ask Ashley on a date
Characters used: Laevinus (Broadsword/Shield), Argorath (Elec Melee/Energy Aura)



Right, then.
Sit down, boys.
It's time we have...the talk.

This is a T-rated game, for Teens (and not for Ta-tas as some chest-sliders would have you believe), and so some of you are probably around that age already.
You may notice strange feelings when you look at the fairer sex, with fair beings known only as "women". Feelings that you've never experienced before. Feelings that you like experiencing, and want to expand further on. Feelings that make you want to make a girl character with the aforementioned chest-slider all the way to the right.

These feelings are perfectly natural. These feelings are understandable, and occur in many young lads as they grow up. This is called "sexual attraction". You're noting that girls do not, in fact, have cooties.
The age-old ritual of "circle, circle; dot, dot; now you've got the cootie shot"? Yeah, that actually gave you cancer instead.
It's a strange and a brand new world out there! With its own individual rules and rituals, with codes of conduct in foreign languages that scholars have been debating back and forth for years!

Now go talk to your parents about the rest.

There's a reason I started off with that spiel, which I'll go into later. As for now, let's cut the unfunny documentary crap and get straight into the arc.



The contact identifies himself right away as "Ashley's Dad", a diminuitive sort of man who, much like the contact in the previous arc, dresses himself in all black. Except it's almost all black, because we all know that fathers are the fogey sorts that simply can't be cool--he wears his badges of shame in both a white tie and white hair, which permanently brand him along with the "un-hip" and "anti-dope" crowds.
Why? SHUT YOUR MOUTH is why. Black is EDGY, white is DREDGY. Learn it, love it, live it.

Ashley's Dad, however, has clearly been on a drinking binge. He comes to me lamenting that his little daughter has been going out with a boy that he doesn't like. This is all well and fascinating, good sir, but I'm afraid you've confused me with your wife. Or perhaps someone with an actual interest in your daughter. Or perhaps someone that's interested in your daughter if she was single and not going out with a boyfriend.
...
Sha-wing! Consider me interested!

Ashley's father continues his heartwrenching tale, all summed up in the span of a single sentence: "my little girl is going out with a boy i dont like i need you to scare him off".
Punctuation? Capital letters? Who needs those in a world where you move fast, fast, fast! Nevermind that Ashley's dad is just standing there as an AE concept--his HEART and his MIND move faster! He's worried about his little baby girl, damn you! How could you be so heartless as to question his grammar in such trying situations?!
His heart is heavy and his eyes weary with all the tears he ever could cry in his lifetime, and he sobs out his final request before sinking back into his drunken haze. I need to scare him off! Normal fathers would simply give their daughters a stern talking-to, or would show up with a gun to the boyfriend's house, or pass around the baby pictures. But this man is so desperate that he relies on someone just right off the street in order to rescue his beautiful baby girl.
I'm assuming she's named Alice, he never told me anything.

How can I do anything else other than accept?

So I accept.

"kick Ashleys boyfriends butt" the nav text pipes in helpfully.
A-BUH-BUH-BUH-WHAAAA? Sir, I object to this! Now I'm hesitant! I was just told to scare him off! You take me for some sort of barbaric barbarian, who would just charge around and swing my foot around like a magnet attracted by metal in the rear? That would be very inconvenient for walking!
And immoral, since people usually don't ask for boots up the bum.
Regardless, I have no choice but to continue and try to save Athena, since otherwise I would have to quit the mission. And I'm not going to do that because screw you, I have better things to do than just lounge around in the AE lobby, wondering what happened if I didn't quit.



Entering the mission, I find myself in the wide-open area of Perez Park. No complaints here, it's a pretty under-used map. The map itself is crawling with baddies, though, as per every other map with every other arc. Every single one of these enemies are simply one enemy, "Punk" of the faction "Ex Boyfriend's Mob".
Ohhhhhh, now I see why Ashley's Dad was so concerned about Alysha hooking up with this man. He's a part of the MAFIA! A mafia where everyone is about four feet tall, looks like a young kid, and weilds invisible guns!
All of the enemies are AR, of some indeterminate secondary--interestingly enough, they seem to just plain stop attacking whenever I get into melee range. Clearly, my character is so awesome that they emit an aura of funk and pimp. Whoever is unlucky enough to step into the range of this aura promptly gets overwhelmed as I stand there, jamming to an invisible tune. Maybe Kamelot or something.
Here's a hypothetical scenario:

Me: [walking around, jamming to an invisible tune that may be Kamelot or something]
Punk: HOLY CRAP WHAT ARE YOU DOING. [pull out invisible guns and shoot invisible bullets]
Me: [gets hit and takes invisible wounds] Aw hell naw. [steps, like, one inch closer]
Punk: OH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT. [drop their guns and just stand there]
Me: [/em dance4]
Punk: WE CAN'T HIT HIM. HE MUST HAVE SUPERHUMAN REFLEXES.

I hereby declare to Castle that we need a new power in the game, called Aura of Funk.



Trekking through the map quickly becomes repetitive, as every single group in the map is composed of the same batch of Punks--there's not a single difference in fighting styles, powersets, tactics, or whatever. No LTs or bosses, simply the same single minion spread across in a wide vast cloning conspiracy that would put Dolly's little sheepy heart to shame.
What DOES break up the repetition, however, are several barrels strewn about the map as destructable objets. Except, no, they're apparently not barrels--info says "a big rock that looks fun to destroy". I wasn't aware that rocks were metal, cylindrical, and rusted, but who am I to argue with the laws of nature? And if it's fun to destroy, then let's get to destroyin'!
Except, no. If you are at all existant in the world of reality, then you know that punching a rock until it breaks is not too feasable an idea. This is apparently on the mind of the author as well, as the quote-unquote "Barrel" cons friendly. And why shouldn't it be? Me and Barrel have gone through so much together! We hit the bars on Fridays, pick up chicks on Saturday, head to church on Sunday, and then drive home together. Barrel's a pretty horrible driver, though--I've been trying to teach him, but he just...he just doesn't learn. It's like he doesn't even want to listen.

(For the record, this is what a proper rock looks like. Get learned)

Because "Barrel" cons friendly, it's going to be difficult to actually defeat him. Every attack to meet it head-on with a melee only replies with "INVALID TARGET". So I get around it and Lightning Rod the stupid thing to death, and my reward for the endeavor?
[NPC] Barrel: you destroied a rock you must ne dumb
...
God DAMN IT.

Oh, and fun times to be had by all, because the rock wasn't a required objective. It was just something extra (I use that term very loosely) to destroy to entertain the mission-player. Because, also existant in the world of reality, punching rocks is something done for fun and extra credit.
What IS a required objective is for me to buy a rose for Annabel, which is done in a glowie of...an ancient Circle of Thorns obelisk. Because who needs vendors for getting a rose, or even a pot, or a garden in Perez Park! Perez is known for many things, but none of which is flowers. The only answer? An ancient forbidden Circle of Thorns ceremony to access a Hell far beyond even Dante's own comprehension!
He could only WISH he could include a Hell of Pretty Flowers in the Divine Comedy.

Buying a rose promptly spawns two other required objectives, identified on the Nav as "Ashley" and "Danny".
WAIT, ASHLEY?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAAAAAATTTTT? Since when has the girl had a name?! I am shocked and FLOORED by this twist of expectations that nobody could ever have foreseen even if they had foreseeing abilities!
Yes, it turns out that Ashley is the girl that we're supposed to rescue, and she ends up as a buxom blonde in leather with large breasts, thighhigh heeled boots, and the Eden top underneath the coat so it looks like she's absolutely topless. Rescuing her gets her following you in grand parade of manliness, assuming your character is a man, as you have this **** chasing you around without any pity for her previous situation or that she was getting ganged up on by her boyfriend's buddies.
Danny, on the other hand, is a generic Elite Boss with Thugs, and a plethora of generic one-liners that talk about how you're strong but he's stronger, or that you're stronger than you look, or how you still won't win despite your stronger strength. His mutilations of the English language at the start and end of each combat are something to note, though:

[NPC] Danny : Hay Ashley Wuna go out?
[NPC] Danny : Hay back off my girl loser.
[NPC] Danny : Bring it
[defeat Danny]
[NPC] Danny : Ashley y are you going out with this loser

Yes, before you actually combat him, Danny is deliriously talking to the air in the vain hopes that his girlfriend is nearby, composed of magic pixie dust straight from Disney movies that take his words and fly them straight to her on fairy wings. And what he says when you beat him is the same whether or not you actually have Ashley with you, so he may as well be talking to your groin--whether or not you name your dong Ashley is something I've really no interest in learning, though I'd be a little concerned at his own fascination with it.



The kicker, though? You can't deliver Ashley to the exit, so that the mission can end. All that work, all that effort, all that time spent, and all for nothing--because of some sort of glitch or malicious game design, the actual marker that you need to deliver Ashley to is BELOW the map...and more specifically, BELOW the exit zone! There is no way to deliver Ashley to the exit, no way to finish the mission, and having tried it three different times with different people all provides the same result.
Thus, we'll never know the final results of how this plays out. Ashley's Dad will be doomed to forever standing in a single place with that blank look on his face, begging a passerby as to rescuing his daughter. Danny will be constantly talking to the air as he slips slower and slower into madness, constantly at sexual highs and lows from being in the same room with a topless girl and getting punched in the face from players. And Ashley will get diabetes or something, I dunno.
It's a mystery that will never be closed, and the world suffers for it.
A tragedy on the level of Romeo and Juliet, to be sure. Shakespeare, your tears are wasted.



JERK MOVES: -1 (The destructable objects flag as friendly and berate you once you actually defeat them. Regardless, they're not actually required objectives, which rank this jerk move pretty low)
INCOHERENCY: -4 (Not a single sentence is without mangled letters, admirably performing with all that remains of their spirit despite their abuse at the hands of a thoughtless master)
IRRITATION: -3 (There're only two types of enemies, minions and a single EB. Neither of them are really "cheap" at all, though the Gang War on the EB may cause troubles for non-melee ATs. The open map and the lengthy-as-crap hunts will be your bane, though)
COMPLETEABLE: -5 (Incompletable, plain as day. Unless you have a stroke of godly divinity or access to the dev tools right in front of you, you just can't complete this)

FINAL ANGRY METER: 5

This actually got me a smidge angry. The fact that it's incompletable by itself is enough to get me pretty riled, but it's also apparently an objective fantasy for whoever the author was. The sexually idealized girl, combined with how Danny is in absolute shock that he's bested, combined with Ashley's swooning over your power, combined with how you're apparently the only person Ashley's Dad trusts enough to get to do this, all points to a single result.
Whoever the author is, Ashley is someone in his life that he lusts after. Danny is someone that has her, and he doesn't. This is an obvious power fantasy, something that allows him to feel the aforementioned jollies of his first girl encounter, so that he can have the girl and deny "Danny" of what's his own.
It's horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. And I feel angry and dirty for having played it.





NOTE:
Please send @Crasical well-wishes again:

[Tell] @Crasical: Hey, don't ever let me proofread something for you again.
[Tell] --> @Crasical: Hrn? Why?
[Tell] @Crasical: Me: "Hmm, The team's doing pretty good. Let me alt tab out and read this."
[Tell] @Crasical: Me: "Hahah, This is pretty funny. Cootie shots. Hah. Wait, what's this." *tabs back*
[Tell] @Crasical: Team: *Burning and dying* D: OH GOD, THE ARCHON IS A WARWOLF AND THE MARKSMEN ARE LEGION. ABANDON HOPE.

That is one tasty-looking proper rock. i'll have two.

Also: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*gasp*hahahahahahaaaaaaa*gasp*
Your review was spot on yet again.

Aura of Funk.

Ah, yeaaah...

I am definitely trying that Ashley arc!

Edit - it is pretty bad - and you can't finish it, as stated. Bad map choice, and the devs need to fix it anyway. Still, our reviewer is reading a bit too much into it.

*goes to listen to some Kamelot and learn some unstoppable funk*

FYI: the destructible objects aren't "friendly", it's actually a known bug: you have to agro them before you can attack them.

Other than that, wow, this arc sounds terrible XD

I seem to recall one of Television's missions having an escort to zone exit on an outdoor map, and it being similarly frustrating to make the NPC exit. It's not an isolated MA thing.

Also, I'd like to make an apology to any members of that PUG that end up reading this and taking offense at my mocking the entire team getting ruthlessly slaughtered by the Council when I stopped using my holds and debuffs.

Bweheheheh.

On some maps, like the outdoor Dark Astoria one in the TV arc, leading allies to the exit is difficult. On some, like the one listed above and the fountain roadway in St. Martial, it's literally impossible.

But don't tell the devs this, because they'll just remove the map and ruin any stories using it properly (i.e. without escorts). Not that I'm bitter or anything.

[ QUOTE ]
FYI: the destructible objects aren't "friendly", it's actually a known bug: you have to agro them before you can attack them.

[/ QUOTE ]

Really? Well, consider me knowledge'd.
That'd explain how it was still damageable with Lightning Rod despite how I couldn't attack it other ways.

And I hope the devs don't remove the map if they learn about it. It's a very pretty map, and I'm hoping to use it sometime. Just raise up the exit marker by, like...a mile. And give it a flashing neon sign. And chips.

I think your thread is obnoxious and borders on griefing.

I have no problems with other review threads no matter how they lambast the author because those authors have raised their hands and said, "Review me." - but what you're doing is just cruel.

These arcs may be zeroes to you (and maybe even to everyone who has voted on them) but to the authors, they are stories that have been sweated over.

You should ask permission to review threads publically. Or call for volunteers who have been rated Zero and want a chance to be reviewed ... and vindicated.

Instead you arrogantly seek out "the worst" ... and then take it upon yourself to ridicule the work of others.

It would be poetic justice if people zero-starred every arc you ever make.

Your "fun" is someone else's pain. And to me, that's the very definition of "griefing." You should be ashamed of yourself.

It doesn't sound like he's low-rating arcs just for his own amusement, so I'm ruling out "griefing".

And he doesn't just 0- or 1-star and arc, make a joke, and move on. He'll take the time to explain why he didn't like the arc -- even occasionally offering some suggestions for improvements.

I certainly have gotten low ratings on my arcs, and I would've absolutely preferred a little constructive feedback -- even if it's disguised in a sarcastic critique -- over no feedback at all. How else can I improve myself?

When you publish an arc you are offering it up to the general public, just like publishing any other creative piece. There are people out there who do reviews of terrible movies and revel in the terribleness, just because these "movies" were independently created and are free makes them no less subject to review.

Frankly I would think if authors actually care about their arc they'd appreciate the publicity. The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

If they *don't* care about their arc (which I doubt either of the first two do), then they should have kept it in test mode.