ZERO STARS: The Worst of the Worst of MA
By
airhead,
Posted on: 2009-06-25 17:20 in Mission Architect
Please stop writing these or I might actually die from laughing. On the other hand, please keep going. They say laughter is the best medicine.
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Actually I wouldn't mind knowing how T13 decides what arcs to include in this review thread.
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Well, it's nothing really fancy, I've just got a list in Notepad.
I spend a lot of my in-game time in MA, so whenever I see an arc with a summary that either looks stupid as hell and/or is low-starred, I put it on the list. Pretty big so far, I've got 31 arcs on there now. Some people also suggest arcs to me, which I also put on the list.
Whenever I've got a hunger for badness then I open up the list, see what looks the most/least interesting, pick one, and play it. If it's actually pretty good, I send a message to the author saying I liked it and pass it along to my friends. Good arcs don't deserve to languish in obscurity. If it's mediocre, I hem and haw a bit and shrug it off. If it's terrible...well. You know.
Re: McNum
Wow, are you serious? Oh, man, that just really adds fuel to the fire. A friend had given me a bit of info about Pain, but I didn't think there was much similarity beyond the names.
From the sounds of this, I think the author unfortunately really didn't care about the messages--he just thought "NINJAS SUFFERING ARE COOL", and that the emo darkity angst was 3DGY and HIP. It's terrible when a good character just goes right down the toilet due to idiot fans.
Thanks for telling me about this. It's not like I needed another reason to hate this arc further, but it's certainly welcome! From now on, I will stand for the opposite of PAIN's badong-ness. I will be...gnodab.
Qr - I don't have a clue what Naruto is (I'm guessing ninja anime, though?), but that Pain review was absolutely hilarious. I don't think you're griefing. You could take a little more care to make sure you're not attributing bugs in the system to design, though, as in the destructable vase.
Eco
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
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Case. Not vase lol.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
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The only way for these reviews to get better would be to video capture them and narrate them Angry Video Game Nerd style.
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Re: McNum
Wow, are you serious? Oh, man, that just really adds fuel to the fire. A friend had given me a bit of info about Pain, but I didn't think there was much similarity beyond the names.
From the sounds of this, I think the author unfortunately really didn't care about the messages--he just thought "NINJAS SUFFERING ARE COOL", and that the emo darkity angst was 3DGY and HIP. It's terrible when a good character just goes right down the toilet due to idiot fans.
Thanks for telling me about this. It's not like I needed another reason to hate this arc further, but it's certainly welcome! From now on, I will stand for the opposite of PAIN's badong-ness. I will be...gnodab.
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If these guys are the guys you fought, it's a complete ripoff.
It's sad to see Pain used like that, because his arc in the manga is one of the best arcs in Naruto. When your story becomes stale, blow up the hero's hometown. Which God Realm did. It was also a nice arc because it wasn't just the "Naruto saves everyone" show, like Goku always did in Dragon Ball. Every single ninja did what they could to fight off Pain. Sure, Naruto DID save everyone at the end, but several side characters got their times to shine. It was also fun to see the mastermind actually be a Mastermind. Without his minions, he was actually pretty weak. The classic Ninja/Pain Mastermind, really. Most of the powers fit pretty well, except he has stronger pets.
Aegis Rose, Forcefield/Energy Defender - Freedom
"Bubble up for safety!"
If I recall correctly, Pain (In the arc) was Trick Arrow. Or it may have just been him using the bow that comes with ninja mastery, I'm not sure. I don't recall him using Pain Domination powers, and I hope I would have noted the doom-red aura.
Just kind of throwing it out there.
And I WISH We'd gotten those guys, even if it would have been a complete rip off. All the guys we fought had the exact same hooded costume, the same dialogue "YOUR DEATH WILL MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE" (Said when they killed one of us, or when they themselves died. ?_?) and the same bio 'ONE OF THE SIX REALMS OF PAIN'.
Nah, Pain was Ninja/WP. The bow was from the ninja set.
I'd recognize that yellow glow anywhere, as well as it's unique stench.
Hi there! This is Crasical here, bringing you in the latest in ZERO STARS review action! Since the last arc ended up giving Terminus some minor trauma, and because I hope that the meteoric popularity of his reviews thread will rub off on me in some way, I've decided to contribute a solo review of my own.
Yes, TerminusEst13 had nothing to do with the testing or writing of this review.
. . . Yes, I can feel your disinterest and scorn already, but look at it this way, If I do reviews of my own then you get twice as many reviews! Even if some are of dubious quality.
(I really hope this isn't a train wreck. D: )
Before we begin, I'll make a short introduction of the character I used, my mafia mastermind Lil' Red Hood. Wave to the silly internet people, Red . She's a Mercs/Trap Mastermind, so you should take my appraisals of difficulty with a sizeable grain of salt, considering I have endless mook swarms at my disposal.
Sephiroth Run Down
Arc ID: 147603
Morality: Neutral
Description: test your might
First off, with that as the arc description, I'm really dissapointed that there isn't a destructable car somewhere on the map as an optional objective. But, I'm feeling pretty mighty since I'm surrounded by hordes of large men with guns, so I enter into the arc, breath bated with excitement as to who the mission contact is going to be. I bet it's Cloud, off to send me on whimsical journies against his emo archenemy. Truly, this shall be an epic tale of massive swords and long summons.
I promptly lose that bet seeing that the contact is in fact NOT Cloud Strife, but the archetypical white-haired prettyboy himself. Black Trenchcoat, Black Boots, White hair and white shoulderpads, Fangirl attraction point bare chest. So, presumably, this being the Sephiroth Run Down, he's either going to challenge me to a duel, or send me after the protagonists of FF7. So, I walk up to accept what I assume is going to be a page of badly-written dialogue explaining the task. Instead, I get:
"yo this mish is hard as balls"
. . . . .
Now, I've got to confess something. I never played FF7. I've watched Advent Children twice and played three or four hours of Kingdom Hearts, but that's it. However, even with my limited experience with the game. . .
I'm pretty sure Sephiroth doesn't talk like that.
So, Evidently, either we've stepped into a paralell universe without noticing and we are in fact conversing with Gangstaroth, or we've stepped on our first landmine, that this mission has absolutely no story. Since the latter assumption depresses me, I'm going to go with the former. So. Gangstaroth wants me to do his 'Hard as balls mission' * , but won't tell me what it is unless I accept. Okaaay? I guess I could use the street cred, so I'll help him out. Lessee.
"Word up brother, I got the mad skillz to fullfillz your hard-balls mission, yo dawg."
This fails to provoke a reaction. Apparently I could do with some brushing up on my gangsta before attempting such feats of linguistics, so I click accept instead, and get 'good luck' from Gangstaroth as he sends me on my way. The nav bar now reads "..." as does Gangstaroth upon further pestering. With such limited information I'm expecting swarms of ambushes to hit me as soon as I enter the mission, but I dive in anyway.
Upon landing in the mission and summoning my kneebreaker squad, I take a look around. Okay, Looks like I'm in Kings Row. Say a quick prayer that Blue Steel's infernal gaze doesn't fall upon my villainous self tresspassing in his domain, and look up to see what my missions are.
"..." Is still my mission objective. Audible silence? Maybe this is supposed to be a sneaking mission. The sub-objectives are "20 infused clone, 5 Sephiroth". Are these rescues, boss defeats, escorts, what? Nav computer has little info to offer on the matter, so I peer around and SWEET HEAVENS NO.
Now, Masterminds have a wonderful power called Bodyguard. And it lets your mooks take some of the bullet for you and spare your squishy self. It even works on psionic attacks! It apparently does not work on terrible color combinations. How I long for the swarms of all-black Chaos Order goons back when I was saving strippers. Bland and ugly, yes, but not as distractingly bad as the jumpsuits on the custom minions barring my path. Horrible purple and Blue suits with white helmets and guns, but really. It's the suits that give me trauma. I'd really rather have had my burly Commando fling himself onto Red and squash her flat defending her rather than have to see those things unprepared.
Clashing colors aside. /info gives me nothing aside from that they are minions, called Grunts, and are part of the 'Shinar' organization. Alternate dimenion branch of Shinra? Typo? Something else? I'll assume so with the arcs theming that they meant the Shinra group from FF7. Their jumpsuits also mark them as wholly expendable mooks, so I mow them down in groups hunting the map for my objectives. They do manage to become annoyances by lobbing webnades at me, making them AR/Devices, but never really present a real threat, since Lil' Red has gotten far beyond the point in her career where being covered in silly-string was a major hazard.
Since there are 20 of them, It doesn't take long for me to find my first 'Infused Clone'. And it's quickly apparent who this is supposed to be a clone of. Bare chest, bondage straps, white hair, leather pants and boots. Eyup. Sephiroth Clone. Obviously Gangstaroth wanted me to wipe out his rival Sephiroths from other dimensions, since the map pretty clearly tells me that there are 5 Sephiroths I need to defeat before the mission ends. Why Gangstaroth is sending little mafia girls to do his dirty work is beyond me, though. Maybe it's more gangsta to send a lackey to off your rivals than to do it yourself? I'm not sure. I'm also not sure what exactly these clones have been infused with. Mana, Materia, Cool ranch dip, Shirt-dissolving bacteria, I have no idea. They notably lack the contact's trenchcoat, though, so I'm starting to think the latter, or that these clones haven't been able to Ebay up movie-prop recreations of the original coat to wear.
The Infused Clones are all bosses, and defeating my first one shows they are Katana/Energy Blast, although with the caveat that my normal tactics seem to have them greatly prefering their energy blasts to actually cutting things, and they only whip out their blades to pose dramatically with them for build-up. Poseur pretty boys. They aren't huge pains, but when they build up they can floor a minion pretty instantly, and I'd rather not my made men get blown into next week by a Bishonen clone.
Clearing the map a little more gives me startling insight on three points, firstly, that this is the Kings Row map with the Carnie tents set up, secondly, that the Infused Clones can fly and will run away if they feel sufficiently threatened, and that the Shinar have a Lt. in their ranks, a 'Crise core'. They look rather similar to the Grunts, which sadly means yes, more of that horrible color scheme, but they have their jackets hanging open and yellow skin with tall, spikey hair. They have glowing energy Broadswords and energy blasts, and aren't any more annoying than the rest of the Shinar mooks, aside from me finding them slightly worse to look at than the mooks. It's the skin that did it for me, really. I was hoping for MiBs in suits after that movie, but oh well.
Further exploration lets me down another Clone and brings me up againt the first Sephiroth, an EB who looks exactly the same as the mission contact, except for with the Reflections Effect put on him, so he has transparency and a glowy white aura. This leads me to my main theory as to the 'Real' plot of this mission:
1. Carnies throw awesome parties. Really awesome. Seriously, you should try and attend one some time.
2. All the dimensional Sephiroths came from their own little realities to attend said awesome carnie parties.
3. Gangstaroth sends me to wipe out all his competition since there can be only one.
4. Profit? I don't know.
Anyway, opening the assault lets me know that the dimensional Sephiroth have Katana too, but unlike their clones they aren't afraid to get in close and wreck my guys, which is bad since he occasionally uses Parry and I have to back off a bit before he stops blocking all my guys bullets. They also have Gravity manipulation, and since I saw him use Wormhole, Dimension shift, Singularity, Lift and propel along with his holds and immobs, I'm going to assume he's set to Extreme with it, and since I saw Golden Dragonfly, I'm going to assume He's also extreme with his sword. I can see him being a HUGE pain in the butt for other archetypes.
Eventually, Seph goes down. Hooray! But, then. . . yeah. Remember way back when I entered the mission? My objectives where "20 infused clone, 5 Sephiroth".
Yeah. 20 Bosses, 5 EBs.
No-one has info text, no-one has dialogue. The whole thing gets sloggy and boring really quick, only the density of the Infused Clones preventing it from really feeling like you're hunting all over the map. Presuming you eventually do complete the mission, yay, you exit and go talk to Gangstaroth again.
He's as laconic as usual.
"wow good job"
Is all he has to say to you. And then the mission ends before you can stab him and rid the world of all Sephiroths from all dimensions forever.
JERK MOVES: -1 (There wasn't anything that felt hugely unfair to me. Annoying, but not hugely unfair, with the exception of the EXTREME bosses and Elite Bosses.)
INCOHERENCY: -5 (There is no plot here. There is barely any dialogue. I have suspicious that the only reason 'Sephiroth' is spelled correctly and capitalized consitently is that it was copy-pasted from the internet straight into the text fields to ensure it was spelled correctly.)
IRRITATION: -3 (Pretty irritating. Although it's not a Kill-all, it is a huge street-sweep with stronger than average enemies. Thankfully, the Kings Row/Carnie map isn't THAT big.)
COMPLETEABLE: -2 (Pretty completable, with patience and a good enough build to weather the unfair bosses.)
FINAL ANGRY METER: 1
Honestly, this didn't really get me angry.As mentioned before, with your brain shut off and your expectations low, you never really reach the point where you're hunting over a map for the last guy, since the mission is locked at level 40+ and you should have your travel power to seach the city from the skies, and the place is thick with mission objectives anyway. Really, though, the arc isn't worth your time, there isn't any sense of accomplishment to wiping the floor with sephiroth five times.
So, what have we learned here today, kids? Sephiroth can't protect you from the mafia, I can't use slang, and plotless arcs are boring unless they have a good range of objectives and missions. Most importantly though, Sephiroth can't protect you from the mafia, so if you love your kneecaps, you should pay up when the Family comes a callin'.
Depending on how this is recieved, I'll either slink back to being a lowly lab assistant to Term, or continue doing solo reviews to supplement the lag between the official, Terminus sanctioned ones.
See you down the road: @Crasical.
*As a footnote, 'Hard as balls'? To my knowledge balls are not hard, and in fact are the real-life equivalent to a pulsing orange weak point in their soft, squishy damage amplication.
Next time I play Final Fantasy 7, I'll read Sephiroth's lines with a gangsta accent. At the risk of digging up a dead meme: "Yo dawg, I herd you like swords, so I put a sword in your flower girl so you can cry while you fight." I'm not sure if this makes the game more or less awesome. Barret will need the posh British accent, of course.
Aegis Rose, Forcefield/Energy Defender - Freedom
"Bubble up for safety!"
It was a pretty decent review. I had to chuckle at " This mission is hard as balls yo." I think you gave us all the information we needed (( or didn't?)) need to know.
Er... just one Q, what was the rating?
....
I want to find the guy who made this arc and punch him in the crotch.
With a meteor.
-STEELE =)
Allied to all sides so that no matter what, I'll come out on top!
Oh, and Crimson demands you play this arc-> Twisted Knives (MA Arc #397769)
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Next time I play Final Fantasy 7, I'll read Sephiroth's lines with a gangsta accent. At the risk of digging up a dead meme: "Yo dawg, I herd you like swords, so I put a sword in your flower girl so you can cry while you fight." I'm not sure if this makes the game more or less awesome.
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I vote more awesome. Just because the mental image of Sephiroth speaking "gangsta" cracks me up.
BackAlleyBrawler: I can't facepalm this post hard enough.
ShoNuff: If sophisticated = bro-mantically emo-tastic, then I'm going to keep to my Shonen loving simplicity dammit.
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....
I want to find the guy who made this arc and punch him in the crotch.
With a meteor.
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That'd make for a great arc, "Find The Author and Punch Him In The Crotch - With A Meteor!"
Wish I could remember the name, but I recently played an Arc where the contact was this huge flaming demon...thing....
All the mobs were luets which made me believe it was a farm, but all the mobs were bald headed kilt wearing dudes with tattoos and barbed wire around their chest.
The contact said there were ninjas with sword cutting through the city... the mobs actually had claws, could heal each other and there were about a dozen more jumping me as soon as I attacked a group.
Well done!
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That'd make for a great arc, "Find The Author and Punch Him In The Crotch - With A Meteor!"
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I give it four stars on the title alone.
Hey Cras, what server are you doing these runs on? You still on virtue or have you moved around?
"...his madness keeps him sane.": My Profile on VirtueVerse
Can You WIN the Internet? MA Arc #85544
Inhuman Resources - At Work with IE #298132
Task Force Mutternacht #349522 <-- 1st AE Challenge
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Depending on how this is recieved, I'll either slink back to being a lowly lab assistant to Term, or continue doing solo reviews to supplement the lag between the official, Terminus sanctioned ones.
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I think you're doing a darn good job personally. We'll have to fix your peanut butter cookie ignorance though, I'm pretty sure that's one of the requirements for moving from mad lab assistant to mad scientist.
Infatum on Virtueverse
I'm still solely on Virtue, and I've filled up every slot with a menagerie of alts, so I don't see it being my main server changing anytime soon.
However, just because I have all my alts filled, I might head off to a different server at some point just for more characters.
Keep these coming, guys. I was raised on MST3K, so this stuff is as good as it gets for me.
Glad to see that I'm not the only one who gets perverse pleasure out of playing horrible missions.
Suggested by LaserJesus. I like this man.
UNIOCRACY OF GRAY TASKFORCE PT.1
Playthrough Cohorts: @Crasical
Arc ID: 106017
Morality: Villainous
Description: Leaving the Freedom Phalanx, Xelif Benzen forms the strongest 3rd party to this coming new war: U.o.G., to keep the balance between good & evil. If it is true. Just to show his power, Xelif defeated Statesman & Lord Recluse 2v1, making a statement. He wants to rule the world & force peace his way!
Characters Used: Argorath (Elec Melee/Energy Aura)
Xelif Benzen is a man that all of us know the name of. If you don't know the name, then you are a jerkarse pedophile incestuous meanie face cactuslicker with no dong and/or hoohah and need to die in a fire. PS: Also, you suck.
Xelif Benzen is a name that needs to be remembered! EVERY individual on Freedom knows this name, and says their prayers to him as soon as they wake up and just before they go to bed. Lord Xelif, please grant us the ability to solo Statesman and Lord Recluse at once in an undoubtedly awesome climatic battle. Lord Xelif, please grant us the ability to have the Freedom Phalanx be "beneath us" so that we can make our own villain group!
Everyone playing this arc is participating in an epic. I mean, seriously, just look at that description. I don't think the Hero's Journey could be summed up in a more succinct way. This is poetry incarnate, ladies and gentlemen, and if you don't think video games are an art form after this then get the [censored] out of my topic and don't ever come back.
The arc opens up with a max-tittied wide-hipped thighhigh-totin' hottie named Hawkstarr, who was the ex-lover of Xelif Benzen--HOT DAMN! You mean to say that, among Xelif's already noteworthy list of orgasm-worthy accomplishments, he also nailed with such a hot babe?! Truly, our Lord is a god among men whom we cannot even comprehend. Please deign to continue walking among us lowly mortals! Please, Lord Xelif, I BEG you!
Hawkstarr continues to relay us the bad information. Lord Xelif's worshippers, the titled Uniocracy of Gray, are following his plans to recreate the universe under his own rule using an Item of Power--you mean to say that, somehow, somewhere, someway, Lord Xelif got his hand on equipment unavailable in the game outside of 2006?! Be still, my beating heart. With this Item of Power, Lord Xelif has raided the Freedom Phalanx's weapon storage and stole all of the tech suits that everyone aside from Positron were using every second of every day they stood around in-game, and now it's up to us villains to get them back to the Freedom Phalanx!
OH YEAH.
I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A VILLAIN.
YEEEEAAAAAHHHH.
THIS WILL TOTALLY ENLIST FEAR IN ALL THE HEROES.
Xelif and his Equilizerz will pay! And now, now, I know what you're thinking.
"But, TerminusEst13! As an aspiring writer, shouldn't you be railing about the poor literacy present in the opening and how every sentence to be formed from yanking the keyboard outside and tap-dancing on it?"
YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.
Lord Xelif's word is law. This is the way the world goes, the way it is, the way it heads out, and who are us lowly mortals to present anything different than absolute obedience and acceptance of Xelif's tapdancing?
I mean, look at them feet go. Damn, son.
Puts Michael Flatley to shame.
I prepare my villainous self for this villainous task, and I hike into the mission porter to prepare myself for overwhelming sexy emitting from Xelif's forces.
And once I zone in, KABOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!
I disconnected.
Yes, the sexy overwhelmed my connection.
I log back in and head back into the mission again, my connection thankfully somehow manages to hold. You can do it, my little hard-working router! I know Xelif's men are simply too cool for school and rule the pool and certainly don't drool, but you need to hold!
Thankfully, my efforts are rewarded. Once inside, my gaze sweeps across creations befitting only of Aphrodite's luscious glory.
Green and purple! Red and grey! Black! All splotched together in absolutely random places with no rhyme or reason. And the costumes! Ohhh, the costumes. Stitched together from boulders, rags, toilet tissue, and poster shreds, Lord Xelif's sexiness apparently extends only as far as hammering on the Random button eightteen times until something in a language understandable to him calls out from the smorsgabord of terrible terrible terrible colors. Some enemies have armor in completely random places, some have afros, some have leather with terrible patterns, but all of them are just an affront to the eyes. Oh, Sexy Jay, what evil hast been wrought from thy hard work?! Oh, Sexy Jay, to see your children tarnished and violated in such a way makes me cry.
At the very least, these all provide ample warning. Translated from crappy-costume-ese (a language more gutteral than German, for the record) it all announces:
"INCOMING BALLS, SON."
This arc is part one of a "Task Force"--the thing is, it's only one mission long. Only one mission? Yes, and it turns out all the other parts of the Task Force, existing and upcoming, are one mission as well.
Why?
Because this is so chock full of customs out the [censored] that I'm pretty sure even simply loading the mission will put a hell of a strain on the network.
Network: OH GOD OH GOD HRRRRNNNNGGGGGGGG HRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Me: You can do it, man! Hang in there! I'm here for you! Just push! Push!
Network: AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HRRRRRRRRRRNNNGGGGGGHHHHHHH HRGN HRGN HRRRGGGNNN
Me: It's almost there! Don't give up on me, man, we've been together for at least seven years!
Network: I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IT! I DON'T THINK I CAN MAKE IIIIIIT!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!
Network: Tell my wife...! Tell my wife I loved her... ...huge chest...!
Me: NNNNNEEEEEEEETTTWOOOOORRRRRKKKKK! WHY GOD?! WHYYYYY?!
Now, if I may be serious for a second, it's perfectly feasable to have a group of powersets come together in a way that's challenging but not cheap. It's even perfectly feasable to have them break a theme, so that you're getting everything except the kitchen sink to be slung at you. The trick lies, however, in making sure that all of them flow well together, and that the presence of one enemy type doesn't massively overpower other enemy types there.
"The Portal Bandits" is a good place to look at for enemy powerset construction. Take special note at how they support each other, without going overboard. They're challenging, but not impossible--every mob you encounter usually has a single glaring weakness.
With this arc, it's just not the case.
We've got so many damn different enemies that I simply can't even get into the amount of differences, but I'll just list a few and why they're horrible:
1: One minion is Claws/Energy Manipulation. Why? The two powersets provide absolutely nothing to compliment each other. Both are melee range, but one requires a weapon which means that constantly shifting between the two will require constant redraw. And are you going to use Power Boost on Eviscerate or something?
2: Another minion is Radiation Blast/Pain Domination, which will completely neuter defense and heal/buff his allies. Because this is a minion, you will quite likely see him in almost every spawn, along with several brothers. If even one attack lands on a defense-based toon, an avalanche of -defense will promptly render you helpless--and all the while, they're constantly healing each other and their friends.
3: One LT is Dark Melee/Psychic Blast. All I have to say is that Soul Drain followed by Touch of Fear followed by Psychic Wail does not allow for fun times. Especially since Psychic Wail does, y'know, Psychic damage. Which very few characters have resistances or defenses to. And slams you with massive -recharge, so that it's difficult to fight back.
4: Yet another minion is Archery/Storm Summoning, with access to Rain of Arrows. Yes, a minion, and thus you will see her in twos or threes in spawns, and all of them will launch off their nuke at once. I mean, it's not like you liked your life bar, did you? Unlike the LT, however, Archery's nuke does not instantly drain their end, so they can continue attacking you even afterwards.
5: One boss is Axe/Force Field, with Dispersion Field constantly up. This means that he constantly gives his buddies a 10% defense boost, which makes it quite difficult to hit them--and even worse if another boss joins in the fun. To make it all better, he has Build Up, and Axe is not exactly known for its frail strikes.
So, now, what does all this teach us?
"Extreme" is short for "EXTREMELY AWESOME"!
The mission itself is a kill-all, which means that you'll need to get aquainted with these lads and lasses and then murder them all to death even while introductions are still going around. It's rude, but it's by Lord Xelif's command. Interestingly enough, completely random enemies are given Reflections Effects without any semblence of justification whatsoever, which means they have a sortakindamaybevague stealth. It's not easy to miss them all, but it's still quite possible to do so.
Also throughout the mission are numerous glowies, which hold the aforementioned power armor that everyone in the Freedom Phalanx uses nightly. In fact, I'm fairly sure Sister Psyche wears it to bed as lingerie, because Manticore has a fetish for thick and bulky power armor. He's weird that way.
There's also EBs that you'll have to put in their place. Every single one of them is obsessed with Xelif's "big chocolate" and desperately want someone to "pwn" so that they can prove themselves to "Xelif's uberness", which they love with all their hearts.
For the record, I am not making this up.
The infos are even worse.
In the end, there's absolutely no closure, either. We continue our villainous rampage by delivering all the power armor back to Statesman, content in the fact that Xelif's plans have been delayed. Hawkstarr, apparently the only person with any insight as to Xelif's mind, has the radical gamechanging theory that Xelif...might not like this.
HOLY POOP.
Hawkstarr apparently has a BAD FEELING about this turn of events, and thus has an idea that Xelif will go to the Longbow Elite Squadron, whatever they are, and destroy them all so that Statesman can't rely on them. Not that he does rely on them anyway, as they're Ms. Liberty's organization, but DARE you to question Xelif's flawless logic? The true icon of a mastermind is in that nobody understands his plans until it all comes together!
So, can we set forth even further? DARE we try to face Xelif's new plans, and pray that we can unweave the tangled web before this magnum opus comes to a close?!
No.
Arc's over.
Go play the next one.
...
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
JERK MOVES: -3 (Kill-all with a sorta-stealthed enemies bumps this up a point. Minions and LTs with nukes bump this up another point)
INCOHERENCY: -5 (Terrible grammar and punctuation, along with the abuse of netspeak and emoticons throughout the entire thing. Canon defilement is only the first of this arc's problems. The only way it could be made worse would be if it was in Hindi)
IRRITATION: -4 (The terrible enemy design were already delved into, which they are, but they bear special mention here again. Not a single enemy is without an irritating part of their powerset, and the EBs only make this even worse. The SR only gives you a 7% chance to hit him)
COMPLETABLE: -3 (Have a lot of Patrol XP saved up, because you will die a lot. It's completeable, but only if you hate your character and want to make him/her suffer the pains of a thousand deaths)
FINAL ANGRY METER: 3
Hoo, boy.
The interesting thing about MA is how it lends itself well to egocentricism.
It's easy to make yourself into an AV, pit Ghost Widow as your hostage, and talk about how she loves you so much and would die for you, and have it all end with the player character not being able to do a damn thing because every other hero and villain in the game has sworn allegience to you.
This plot is a textbook example of making yourself to be a badass without due cause. I seriously hope this guy is a Defender, or something.
Most of my rage lies with the terrible enemy design. The plot is laughable, the dialogue is an utter massacre of the English language, the obvious egocentricism is rampant as every enemy sings Xelif's praises. It's also noted that he said this would be a seven-part TF before plans for buying MA slots were announced, and so he must've thought that these missions would get Dev's Choice or Hall of Fame.
But it's the enemies that really provide the topping for everything. I've been doing my damndest to try and keep myself from slinging out a profanity-laden rant to take him off his high horse, but this really makes me want to.
In the end, though, all I can say is two things.
1: Freedom, you have my sympathy for having this man as a citizen.
2: I honestly cannot wait for him to come out with the rest of this seven-part crapfest. Part 2 is soooo going to be a target for a later review.
I would assume he was only able to do one mission per arc because his ego took up the space necessary for the other four. 
Infatum on Virtueverse
[ QUOTE ]
It's easy to make yourself into an AV, pit Ghost Widow as your hostage, and talk about how she loves you so much and would die for you...
[/ QUOTE ]
With the irony being that she's already dead...
[ QUOTE ]
2: I honestly cannot wait for him to come out with the rest of this seven-part crapfest. Part 2 is soooo going to be a target for a later review.
[/ QUOTE ]
I've played it, and it's not nearly as awesomely bad, unfortunately. Less crazy dialogue and none of the new enemies had any descriptions.
I'm just glad someone else got to experience this. It's truly a kind of unique brand of what the hell.
Crasical here.
The dungeon's not that bad, actually. Dark, but not really dank, and I get a few days between arcs because both of us need time for our minds, fingers and souls to heal. The last few arcs I got smart and played as a mastermind so I didn't have to click, so it's not even been that bad!
. . . . . .
Actually, that's a lie. Playing these arcs still gives me a discomfort. But I'm doing it for science! Or at least that's what I've been told and what keeps me going through the encroaching madness.
I actually like oatmeal, but Chocolate chip is better. I haven't had enough peanut butter cookies to form an opinion on the matter.