Noob/newb guide
A. INTRO
I. What is this?
II. Defining 'Noob'
B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
II. Where to find noobs
III. Behaviour of noobs
IV. Noob religion
C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
A. INTRO
I. What is this?
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.
II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. Noobs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed. Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading.
* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.
Top
B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as noobish. It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.
[censored] /\/\an, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b
Although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.
II. Where to find noobs
On the internet, noobs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies.
Larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will appear.
Off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing something specific.
III. Behaviour of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite aggressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid succession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard).
It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defence, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.
Noobs have difficulty reading English and cannot comprehend the idea of authority.
Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology and fix it, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.
IV. Noob religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week.
C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already.
English (T4lk)-
Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome 'teh 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy.
Noobish (133713371337)- Liek, u gott4 re3D teh gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into teh reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz your b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337
Shoulda used FOE. It would be prettier then. 
ok, good.....glad to see i wasnt(hopefully) looked down on when i asked my way.
i will NEVER be a jerk when playing games=)
while most "hide" behind the screen, i want to be respectful and hope that most return the respect. the jerks, i stay away from them and know that in the future, they will come back and ask for the non-jerks to help with an ae or the such and i know that i will reply with a kind-hearted no thank you and feel justified
but then again, i may join them and kill them with kindness versusu the "elite" skills and know-how they possess. kills them everytime!
but, glad to be back to a kinder, gentler gaming community and away from WoW and all it elitist=)
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I was talking to a SoA the other day, lvl 50, and I faceplamed myself so hard, I think I got a brain tumor.
"Why don't you have your toggles?" I said.
"What toggles?"
"Your team toggles, you know, the maneuvers and assault"
"Oh, those don't help me, and they cost way to much."
[/ QUOTE ]
I hear ya. Last night i decided to join a 52 AE farm in Atlas because it was late and no TF or stuff was going on... I figured i could make some quick tickets with that team until i started reviewing the team composition:
- A level 44 rad/rad defender with no Radiation Infection, no Enervating Field and no Lingering Radiation.
- A level 28 invul/ss tanker with no Unyielding.
- A level 20 BS/Shield scrapper with Jump Kick and Acrobatics.
- A level 33 Archery/Device blaster who kept complaining about RoA saying it sucked because he couldnt obliterate a pack of 52 bosses with it...
- Add other oddities i noticed but do not remember enough to type here...
Well, i said nothing, NOTHING at all. Im done being patient and polite with players that seem clueless ( even on Virtue which isnt looking like the Virtue server i remember ). I simply clicked Quit Team mid-mission. I was done with them.
I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Voltaire
Another small point...I'm also willing to answer basic game mechanics type questions from people who look like they've been away from the game for a while. Like somebody asking "I haven't played for a few years...what's the best way to get to kings row from PI?" is a little different from just asking "how do I get to <insert location>"
It's just the people who are obviously powerleveled/ebay purchasers that I think twice about.
And regarding the learning disability...I'm going to have to agree with tony here (dear lord...I agree with tony on something...) It's a corner case and 99.9% of the time isn't applicable. I'm sorry for your friend and if, in the course of the conversation the situation was explained to me, I would be willing to assist. But due to the realities of the game world, I'm forced to assume it's the much more likely powerleveled gamer than guy with a learning (or other) disability.
Same deal goes for kids too, by the way. I'm a lot more lenient when I know I'm dealing with somebody who's younger, probably playing on their parents account or something like that. It just has to come up first...
[ QUOTE ]
I hear ya. Last night i decided to join a 52 AE farm in Atlas because it was late and no TF or stuff was going on... I figured i could make some quick tickets with that team until i started reviewing the team composition:
- A level 44 rad/rad defender with no Radiation Infection, no Enervating Field and no Lingering Radiation.
- A level 28 invul/ss tanker with no Unyielding.
- A level 20 BS/Shield scrapper with Jump Kick and Acrobatics.
- A level 33 Archery/Device blaster who kept complaining about RoA saying it sucked because he couldnt obliterate a pack of 52 bosses with it...
- Add other oddities i noticed but do not remember enough to type here...
Well, i said nothing, NOTHING at all. Im done being patient and polite with players that seem clueless ( even on Virtue which isnt looking like the Virtue server i remember ). I simply clicked Quit Team mid-mission. I was done with them.
[/ QUOTE ]
Bummer...I stopped doing AE Boss Mishes for the same reason.
[ QUOTE ]
Noob/newb guide
A. INTRO
I. What is this?
II. Defining 'Noob'
B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
II. Where to find noobs
III. Behaviour of noobs
IV. Noob religion
C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
A. INTRO
I. What is this?
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.
II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. Noobs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed. Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading.
* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.
Top
B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as noobish. It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.
[censored] /\/\an, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b
Although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.
II. Where to find noobs
On the internet, noobs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies.
Larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will appear.
Off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing something specific.
III. Behaviour of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite aggressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid succession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard).
It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defence, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.
Noobs have difficulty reading English and cannot comprehend the idea of authority.
Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology and fix it, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.
IV. Noob religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week.
C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already.
English (T4lk)-
Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome 'teh 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy.
Noobish (133713371337)- Liek, u gott4 re3D teh gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into teh reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz your b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337
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Yay!
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In the course a short conversation, he admits that he is only 8 years old. I check his badges and see 60 month vet badge.
[/ QUOTE ]
My 10 year old has a couple of toons on my accounts, however I NEVER let her play the game by herself. I'm always sitting next to her and in skype/vent with the people she teams with, all of which are people I play with in the game. Unfortunately there are too many [censored] in the game for me to think about her playing on her own. I also realize this is a Teen rated game, and its my job to police what she does and not the games. (Please do NOT take this as me talking down to people that do allow their children to play unsupervised. That is not where or what it was intended for.)
And for this reason and many others is why I always try to help people, no matter what the questions maybe. I've been playing the game for almost 3 years and I still have questions. Proc enhancements still confuse me, so I never take for granted when someone asks in a polite way (even with bad grammar). I was in SC killing blue ink men for a badge when someone ran up to me and asked how to get aura's. I explained where and how to get them.
Players that encounter too many rude people may quit the game, and that person has the potential of being a great player and wonderful person, regardless of how they started out.
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I trust you told him how to get out of Pocket D.
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Um, roll an alt? That's what I do every time I somehow end up in Pocket D. Curse you, Pocket D! The Hotel California of CoH! 
[/ QUOTE ]
Thank you for the laugh, sir.
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In the course a short conversation, he admits that he is only 8 years old. I check his badges and see 60 month vet badge.
[/ QUOTE ]
My 10 year old has a couple of toons on my accounts, however I NEVER let her play the game by herself. I'm always sitting next to her and in skype/vent with the people she teams with, all of which are people I play with in the game. Unfortunately there are too many [censored] in the game for me to think about her playing on her own. I also realize this is a Teen rated game, and its my job to police what she does and not the games. (Please do NOT take this as me talking down to people that do allow their children to play unsupervised. That is not where or what it was intended for.)
And for this reason and many others is why I always try to help people, no matter what the questions maybe. I've been playing the game for almost 3 years and I still have questions. Proc enhancements still confuse me, so I never take for granted when someone asks in a polite way (even with bad grammar). I was in SC killing blue ink men for a badge when someone ran up to me and asked how to get aura's. I explained where and how to get them.
Players that encounter too many rude people may quit the game, and that person has the potential of being a great player and wonderful person, regardless of how they started out.
[/ QUOTE ]
I wish I could rate posters and not threads. And then threads would recieve stars based on the poster's average rating. I'd give you 5/5.
Darktyger said, upthread:
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There's a poster that's been fairly prolific on starting threads this morning that's asking a lot of the latter kind of question...
[/ QUOTE ]
I've been trying to cut them some slack [assuming the same poster] because they ARE on a 14-day trial.
We shall see if I continue being a good, polite person... and if they continue starting threads every time something crosses their mind.
Mini-guides: Force Field Defenders, Blasters, Market Self-Defense, Frankenslotting.
So you think you're a hero, huh.
@Boltcutter in game.
[ QUOTE ]
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In the course a short conversation, he admits that he is only 8 years old. I check his badges and see 60 month vet badge.
[/ QUOTE ]
My 10 year old has a couple of toons on my accounts, however I NEVER let her play the game by herself. I'm always sitting next to her and in skype/vent with the people she teams with, all of which are people I play with in the game. Unfortunately there are too many [censored] in the game for me to think about her playing on her own. I also realize this is a Teen rated game, and its my job to police what she does and not the games. (Please do NOT take this as me talking down to people that do allow their children to play unsupervised. That is not where or what it was intended for.)
And for this reason and many others is why I always try to help people, no matter what the questions maybe. I've been playing the game for almost 3 years and I still have questions. Proc enhancements still confuse me, so I never take for granted when someone asks in a polite way (even with bad grammar). I was in SC killing blue ink men for a badge when someone ran up to me and asked how to get aura's. I explained where and how to get them.
Players that encounter too many rude people may quit the game, and that person has the potential of being a great player and wonderful person, regardless of how they started out.
[/ QUOTE ]
This game can always use more parents like you. Your daughter is going to turn out to be a fantastic player, if she isn't one already.
I wish the mods/devs could read your post and give you a coupon for a free month or two. 
[ QUOTE ]
I was talking to a SoA the other day, lvl 50, and I faceplamed myself so hard, I think I got a brain tumor.
"Why don't you have your toggles?" I said.
"What toggles?"
"Your team toggles, you know, the maneuvers and assault"
"Oh, those don't help me, and they cost way to much."
[/ QUOTE ]
I guess the person didn't realize they don't cost that much, since that's the bonus they got for being in a secondary.
Orc&Pie No.53230 There is an orc, and somehow, he got a pie. And you are hungry.
www.repeat-offenders.net
Negaduck: I see you found the crumb. I knew you'd never notice the huge flag.
Hi Fulmens.
[ QUOTE ]
We shall see if I continue being a good, polite person... and if they continue starting threads every time something crosses their mind.
[/ QUOTE ]
I can't believe ya said the above, with 16k+ posts..... too funny. 
BC 
Actually what made you think I didn't answer their questions? I did in fact and even showed them how. I did explain that whoever ran them through the AE farming did them a diservice and they should consider spending some time learning the game through regular contact missions.
You may wish to take your own advice here.
"Do not assume anything of anyone you are exposed to in game."
GO RP and stop posting stuff to get a flame war going... please
No one goes there anymore, it's too crowded...
"The potato goes in the FRONT."
And on a different note....
I met an honest to goodness ONE DAY OLD vet on sunday.
He had lots of questions.
Couldn't find a tram.
Couldn't find Paula Dempsy.
Couldn't find the hollows.
Didn't know how to turn on the map.
Was level 6 and a blaster....
Didn't wait for the tank or scrapper to lead the charge.
Wanted Fly so bad.....
But by the end of the 3rd mission.... he was doing ok.
And I hope, he took our advice about leveling up his first toon all by himself....
BC
I created a new toon on Justice last night to grab a name I had just thought of (Beefcake Minotaur) and had just zoned into Outbreak. There was someone that was obviously new by the conversation I overheard in Local Chat as I reset up my new power trays.
The new player was asking all kinds of questions and when I check on badges, it was kinda refreshing to see no badges whatsoever. I helped answer questions along with the other person and had a lot of fun doing so.
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I trust you told him how to get out of Pocket D.
[/ QUOTE ]Yes, because it's so hard to figure out what those "exit to <zone>" markers on the map are.... I don't see helping willful ignorance. If someone isn't willing to do the minimal work needed to figure out the basics of the game themselves, I say let them flounder...
[/ QUOTE ]You don't have to hand-feed them and lead them to the exit and tell them to click this and click that. You can say "open your map and look for the green dots that point to [hero/villain (as appropriate)] zones".
[/ QUOTE ]
Very true but when I started playing you would click on the green dot lets say Kings Row and it would lead you to the Villains exit. I was very confused on how to get out of Pocket D for a long time
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I hated pocket D when I started playing. Laggy to point of rubberbanding lots, and the direction markers still point the opposite direction to actual entrance.
Very fustrating.
Wasnt for months till I suddenly realised that the blue side / red side might have meaning :|
I don't suffer from altitis, I enjoy every minute of it.
Thank you Devs & Community people for a great game.
So sad to be ending ):
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What makes me cry is people who get all snarky because someone who who don't hand lazy n00bs answers to the most simple questions on a silver platter rather than expecting them to put forth the minimal effort required to learn to play the game themselves.
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What makes me cry is people who use to term "noobs" to inflate their own egos and still can't even use proper grammar.
Though I do agree with the rest of your post.
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What makes me cry is people who get all snarky because someone who who don't hand lazy n00bs answers to the most simple questions on a silver platter rather than expecting them to put forth the minimal effort required to learn to play the game themselves.
[/ QUOTE ]
What makes me cry is people who use to term "noobs" to inflate their own egos and still can't even use proper grammar.
Though I do agree with the rest of your post.
[/ QUOTE ]
I wasn't really awake when I wrote that. As for the "n00b" part, do I need to explain the difference between a "n00b" and a "newb"?
Virtue Server
Avatar art by Daggerpoint
I see "n00b" thrown around a lot of the time where it isn't necessary, that's all.
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I see "n00b" thrown around a lot of the time where it isn't necessary, that's all.
[/ QUOTE ]
Eh, when someone's displaying willful/lazy ignorance of the game's basics, I find it necessary.
Virtue Server
Avatar art by Daggerpoint
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I trust you told him how to get out of Pocket D.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yes, because it's so hard to figure out what those "exit to <zone>" markers on the map are.... I don't see helping willful ignorance. If someone isn't willing to do the minimal work needed to figure out the basics of the game themselves, I say let them flounder...
[/ QUOTE ]
So...you'd rather be stuck up than give some easy directions? I'm sure you're doing something important in Pocket D after all...
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I have a friend with almost 21 months. She has a learning disability...
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I find it interesting that no one has commented on this post. Is it out of everyone's comfort zone because it doesn't fit neatly into the PL or farmer categories?
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Not at all. It's simply because it's such a bizarre statistical anomaly that it's kind of meaningless to use as a basis for how to feel about such issues. It's a little like being afraid of flying because sometimes planes crash. Or being afraid to drive because fatal car crashes are so common. In all cases, the odds are so stacked against the negative outcome as to be almost zero.
The simplest explanation is almost always the right one; the person power-leveled up to 50, and now they don't know how to play the game.
For someone who has a learning disability, I'd chalk that up to one more of life's difficulties they face. Hopefully, someone will either 1) explain to them that sometimes people will be mean, not understanding why they're not doing things that others expect them to just know, or 2) actually monitor them while they're playing to catch stuff like this and help them out when needed.
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But I don't think we should always rush to judgment when someone doesn't seem to be playing "up to speed" the way we think they should.
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I actually tend to give people a lot of leeway. It's not like I tell someone, "That's a stupid question!" I tend to simply not reply, because to me, if they're not going to take a minute to poke around and figure out the basic mechanics of the game, then I'm not going to waste my time answering their questions. I love newbies, but there has to be an element of mutual respect present, and I view power-leveling as an action that is directly disrespectful to the developers and other players of the game.
We've been saving Paragon City for eight and a half years. It's time to do it one more time.
(If you love this game as much as I do, please read that post.)