Dreading the new Dark Shadows movie
By
Aneko,
Posted on: 2012-03-28 19:11 in Comic and Hero-Villain Culture
I almost threw up when I saw this. I had been looking forward to this, completely unaware that it was being made into a "comedy". Fortunately or unfortunately, DS is old enough that a lot of people will have no idea that it wasn't a comedy to begin with.
Too bad. Barnabas was an awesome character. His change from evil vampire to the guardian of the family probably made him the first "good" vampire-- or at least as far as I know. My forum name comes from a character in a Vampire the Masquerade character heavily inspired by Barnabas Collins.
When people ask my why this bothers me so much, I ask them if they like the Hunger Games. if they say "yes", I tell them to imagine it being remade 30 years from now as a slapstick comedy.
If any of you have old shows that you loved, go rewatch them now and enjoy them before Hollywood decides to "modernize" them.
My friends and I made a game out of this, trying to see if we could remake shows we used to watch. My entry was a modernized M*A*S*H. Set in modern times during the new Korean War (against a zombie Kim Jong-Il), it focuses on a group of doctors acting crazy to avoid going crazy for real as they deal with the horrors of war. The twist is that all the characters are teenagers, forced to fight in the war by the adults in the government (inspired by Hunger Games, to draw that crowd in). It is narrated by "Hotlips" Hoolihan, who is torn between her love for Frank, a shapeshifter weasel and Hawkeye, an Incubus (vampires are passé). It feature intense drama and comedy and will be a blockbuster hit.
/nods
Est sularis oth Mithas
What? No, no, there is no Dark Shadows movie coming out.
I remember Dark Shadows. It was a soap opera.
'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may kiss my hand if it likes.'
'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke.
'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice.
I'm just glad that they never made the rumoured remake of The Six Million Dollar man starring Jim Carrey, which was, again, going to be a comedy. I figured that they would probably play with the fact that 6 million is a comparatively small amount of money today and have the "comedy" focus around Steve's bionics being bargain-basement stuff that frequently malfunctions, leading to all sorts of hilarity...
Est sularis oth Mithas
I'm quite certain that there is no movie resembling Dark Shadows coming out. Absolutely certain of it. That other movie that might happen to share a name with it and some character names is definitely not Dark Shadows.
But it's MY sadistic mechanical monster and I'm here to make sure it knows it. - Girl Genius
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Tim Burton Presents: Johnny Depp in White Make-Up, Part 7 (or whatever they're at). Co-starring Helena Bonham Carter. Music by Danny Elfman.
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I LOVE that one... right there w/ my favorite episode of Gilligan's Island... You know the one where the Professor makes a way off the island out of coconuts, bamboo & tree leaves... just when they're about ready to escape, Gilligan screws everything up and they're stuck again... I LOVE that one! |
Originally Posted by Vox Populi
Tim Burton Presents: Johnny Depp in White Make-Up, Part 7 (or whatever they're at). Co-starring Helena Bonham Carter. Music by Danny Elfman.
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Or where Tom Cruise plays a cocky young guy... good times...
In the immortal words of Socrates, "I drank what?"
-- Real Genius
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Soap operas are generally hilarious.
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Originally Posted by Aneko
I remember Dark Shadows. It was a soap opera.
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Goodbye may seem forever
Farewell is like the end
But in my heart's the memory
And there you'll always be
-- The Fox and the Hound
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When I first saw Depp made up, I was like "What the hell is Eddie Izzard doing in this film?"
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Originally Posted by Vox Populi
Tim Burton Presents: Johnny Depp in White Make-Up,
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I saw the trailer before The Hunger Games.
Sadly Johnny Depp/Tim Burton has become best known for Depp's "odd" characters and Burton's dark esthetic.
Their decision to play it as a "culture shock" comedy as oppose to the Gothic horror elements of the original annoys me simply because it's become common place to take a 70s/80s/90s TV series and make a campy comedy out of them. Just as only board games and children's TV series from that era can be made into enormous budget action films (Battleship was other trailer shown before The Hunger Games).
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Quote:
Yes it's common knowledge that Hollywood tends to ruin "rebooted" properties. I'd say that 9 times out of 10 the "updated" version is somehow dumber and/or worse than the original. But if there's any saving grace to all this it's that we can usually get a hold of and hang onto our own copies of the originals regardless of what happens.|
Originally Posted by Arnabas
When people ask my why this bothers me so much, I ask them if they like the Hunger Games. if they say "yes", I tell them to imagine it being remade 30 years from now as a slapstick comedy.
If any of you have old shows that you loved, go rewatch them now and enjoy them before Hollywood decides to "modernize" them. |
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Originally Posted by Arnabas
My friends and I made a game out of this, trying to see if we could remake shows we used to watch. My entry was a modernized M*A*S*H. Set in modern times during the new Korean War (against a zombie Kim Jong-Il), it focuses on a group of doctors acting crazy to avoid going crazy for real as they deal with the horrors of war. The twist is that all the characters are teenagers, forced to fight in the war by the adults in the government (inspired by Hunger Games, to draw that crowd in). It is narrated by "Hotlips" Hoolihan, who is torn between her love for Frank, a shapeshifter weasel and Hawkeye, an Incubus (vampires are passé). It feature intense drama and comedy and will be a blockbuster hit.
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Quote:
Before wishing for a new M*A*S*H series, remember they had........After-M*A*S*H....
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Originally Posted by Lothic
Yes it's common knowledge that Hollywood tends to ruin "rebooted" properties. I'd say that 9 times out of 10 the "updated" version is somehow dumber and/or worse than the original. But if there's any saving grace to all this it's that we can usually get a hold of and hang onto our own copies of the originals regardless of what happens.
For what it's worth I fully expect that sometime in the future after the US military finally withdraws from Afghanistan there'll be a modernized version of M*A*S*H set in Afghanistan. We can only hope that when that happens the makers of that show will make it as socially relevant and thought-provoking as the original M*A*S*H. Either that or they'll portray the Taliban as zombie hordes and make some kind of Walking Dead crossover out of it. |
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Just think, if they killed Gilligan they could have left the island...|
Originally Posted by Chowder
I LOVE that one... right there w/ my favorite episode of Gilligan's Island... You know the one where the Professor makes a way off the island out of coconuts, bamboo & tree leaves... just when they're about ready to escape, Gilligan screws everything up and they're stuck again... I LOVE that one!
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| Or where Tom Cruise plays a cocky young guy... good times... |
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I don't recall After-M*A*S*H being that bad. But then I was like 6 or 7 |
Originally Posted by Nericus
Before wishing for a new M*A*S*H series, remember they had........After-M*A*S*H....
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Apparently Eddie Izzard is going to star as Grandpa in a remake of the Munsters called Mockingbird Lane.|
Originally Posted by Hyperstrike
When I first saw Depp made up, I was like "What the hell is Eddie Izzard doing in this film?"
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The circle of crazy is complete.
Quote:
Back in 1995, The Brady Bunch earned over $46M at the box office (and then another $21M in rentals when it came out on VHS/DVD). That kind of return on a movie with no real expectations, no real stars (Shelly "Diane" Long? Gary "Bill Lumbergh" Cole?), and no real budget (maybe $12M) surprised everyone in Hollywood. Naturally, its "ironic"-nostalgic fish-out-of-water formula was applied indescriminately to any presold property since that's a lot easier than seriously updating the original material's spirit. (The early 90s had already seen successful movie remakes of B-TV shows such as The Fugitive and The Beverly Hillbillies, but whatever their level of quality, these were comparatively faithful updates.) Since then, we've had to endure the likes of Starsky & Hutch, Fat Albert, and Land of the Lost on the big screen and to look forward to the upcoming Gillgan's Island and The Lone Ranger.|
Originally Posted by Hyperstrike
Why is it that every property that some Hollywood schmuck doesn't know what to do with is turned into a comedy?
Why? Why why why why!?!? |
Either that, or this is Tim Burton's way of getting back at Barry Sonnenfeld's Addams Family movies for ripping off Beetlejuice's "look and feel".
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Or in summary these "comedic remakes" make enough money to make them worth Hollywood's effort.|
Originally Posted by TrueGentleman
Back in 1995, The Brady Bunch earned over $46M at the box office (and then another $21M in rentals when it came out on VHS/DVD). That kind of return on a movie with no real expectations, no real stars (Shelly "Diane" Long? Gary "Bill Lumbergh" Cole?), and no real budget (maybe $12M) surprised everyone in Hollywood. Naturally, its "ironic"-nostalgic fish-out-of-water formula was applied indescriminately to any presold property since that's a lot easier than seriously updating the original material's spirit. (The early 90s had already seen successful movie remakes of B-TV shows such as The Fugitive and The Beverly Hillbillies, but whatever their level of quality, these were comparatively faithful updates.) Since then, we've had to endure the likes of Starsky & Hutch, Fat Albert, and Land of the Lost on the big screen and to look forward to the upcoming Gillgan's Island and The Lone Ranger.
Either that, or this is Tim Burton's way of getting back at Barry Sonnenfeld's Addams Family movies for ripping off Beetlejuice's "look and feel". |
Sadly any notions about "staying true to the source material" does not guarantee money in the bank.
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Erm, forgive me for presuming, but Spaceballs? Airplane?
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Originally Posted by Arnabas
When people ask my why this bothers me so much, I ask them if they like the Hunger Games. if they say "yes", I tell them to imagine it being remade 30 years from now as a slapstick comedy.
/nods |
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Quote:
The problem is not how much money the current ones are making - Land of the Lost, Fat Albert, and Bewitched, for example, were all big bombs - but that at one time, the formula paid off massively. Hollywood execs, like slot-machine addicts, keep on gambling because they're hoping their chance at the box office will be the next one to hit the jackpot.|
Originally Posted by Lothic
Or in summary these "comedic remakes" make enough money to make them worth Hollywood's effort.
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Originally Posted by galadiman
Erm, forgive me for presuming, but Spaceballs? Airplane?
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And let's not forget that classic episode of "Three's Company," the one where they have a misunderstanding.* Who could've seen that coming?|
Originally Posted by Chowder
I LOVE that one... right there w/ my favorite episode of Gilligan's Island... You know the one where the Professor makes a way off the island out of coconuts, bamboo & tree leaves... just when they're about ready to escape, Gilligan screws everything up and they're stuck again... I LOVE that one!
Or where Tom Cruise plays a cocky young guy... good times... |
*as noted by Chandler and Phoebe on "Friends"
Quote:
Or in summary these "comedic remakes" make enough money to make them worth Hollywood's effort regardless if particular individual movies fail or not. |
Originally Posted by TrueGentleman
The problem is not how much money the current ones are making - Land of the Lost, Fat Albert, and Bewitched, for example, were all big bombs - but that at one time, the formula paid off massively. Hollywood execs, like slot-machine addicts, keep on gambling because they're hoping their chance at the box office will be the next one to hit the jackpot.
|
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Well then, Police Squad 1/2/3, Johnny Dangerously... (I guess these were parodies too... Flintstones?)
I think we all sometimes hold a bit too precious those things in our past that we remember with fondness. As much as I, too, hold certain things sacrosanct, I also acknowledge that artists are free to interpret things as they see fit, and if it is not 'good', the market can decide to shun it.
I think the real danger isn't more things like this, but rather, not enough. It would be easy to literally remake the things we watched 10, 20, 30... years ago as a literal recasting, but it takes some guts to interpret something and hope it goes over well. Studios these days decide what we 'want' to see on the screen based on focus groups, genericizing everything and making truly original or offbeat interpretations very unusual. We as a viewing public should encourage the wierd stuff rather than poo-pooing everything that isn't exactly as we expect it to be...
In 10 years, we may easily see a remaking of the Harry Potter series as comedy. Now, it's very fresh, but by the time we have all seen it on ABC 35 times, it might be time for a new slant on things.
And in full disclosure, I love Burton , and can't get enough of his comedic and dramatic interpretations. So I am biased... but whaddyagonnado?
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Word! As soon as I saw it all I could think about was Beetlejuice meets Edward Scissor hands meet Sweeney Todd...
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Originally Posted by Vox Populi
Tim Burton Presents: Johnny Depp in White Make-Up, Part 7 (or whatever they're at). Co-starring Helena Bonham Carter. Music by Danny Elfman.
|
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Quote:
Despite the trend of these comedic remakes faring badly at the box office, the success of the newly released 21 Jump Street will probably guarantee more of the same for the time being. The ratio of blockbusters to bombs isn't in their favor, but that doesn't affect the Hollywood mentality.|
Originally Posted by Lothic
Or in summary these "comedic remakes" make enough money to make them worth Hollywood's effort regardless if particular individual movies fail or not.
|
As for this particular remake, it's only morbid (so to speak) curiosity that has me paying any attention. Its winking camp humor - so utterly at odds with the source material's gothic tone - will probably put off most of the original fans, but that will hardly matter if the film attracts enough of an audience between the devotees of Burton and Depp and the moviegoers who have enough of a vague memory of the show to count as "presold".
When it comes to Burton's "interpretations", in the past twenty years he's directed only one feature film that wasn't based in some way on existing material. Originality is often overvalued in creative works, but come on.
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For what it's worth I was never really into the original Dark Shadows. I figure I'd probably enjoy it to some degree, but it's always been one of those shows that I just never "got around" to watching. From that point of view I can at least have some sympathy for the "true fans" who are considering this Burton/Depp version a travesty.|
Originally Posted by TrueGentleman
Despite the trend of these comedic remakes faring badly at the box office, the success of the newly released 21 Jump Street will probably guarantee more of the same for the time being. The ratio of blockbusters to bombs isn't in their favor, but that doesn't affect the Hollywood mentality.
As for this particular remake, it's only morbid (so to speak) curiosity that has me paying any attention. Its winking camp humor - so utterly at odds with the source material's gothic tone - will probably put off most of the original fans, but that will hardly matter if the film attracts enough of an audience between the devotees of Burton and Depp and the moviegoers who have enough of a vague memory of the show to count as "presold". When it comes to Burton's "interpretations", in the past twenty years he's directed only one feature film that wasn't based in some way on existing material. Originality is often overvalued in creative works, but come on. |
On the other hand I've enjoyed most of the Burton/Depp movies in general and even though I know on some level that this new movie will not be a faithful adaptation of the original I suspect I can (and will) enjoy it on its own merits. I like most of the other actors in this movie, and I suspect it can't possibly, all things considered, be -that- bad.
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Why is it that every property that some Hollywood schmuck doesn't know what to do with is turned into a comedy?
Why?
Why why why why!?!?
I'm going to go take some steel wool to my eyes now.
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