So You Wanna Japanese God Incarnate...

Since I am not as familiar with the Japanese Pantheon I took a slightly different approach. I visited a web site listing the Japanese gods with short descriptions. I wrote down verbatim the ones that struck me as having potential (ie-the ones I immediately thought up something snarky about) and added a wise-acre follow up.

Consider this an informal (very) introduction to some members of the Japanese pantheon.

Aizen-Myoo: God of love, worshipped by prostitutes, landlords, singers and musicians. Aizen is the god for you if… wait… landlords? What the… hold on… I think this explains that apartment building I lived in that had “security” cameras INSIDE the apartments.

Aji-Suki-Taka-Hi-Kone: God of thunder. Taking him as your Incarnate will enable you to summon a lightning bolt for PBAoE damage at will. All you have to do is say his name 10 times really, really fast.

Ama-No-Minaka-Nushi: God of the Pole Star. And now dancing on the center stage…

Amaterasu: Shinto goddess of the sun and leader of the Shinto pantheon. In CoH she has suffered a demotion as she only puts in a 10 minute appearance every day.

Amatsu Mikaboshi: God of Evil. His name means “August Star of Heaven.” Obviously his parents weren’t gods of prophecy when they named him.

Ama-Tsu-Mara: Shinto god of smiths. He is pictured as a Cyclops. Because nothing says good smithing like a complete lack of depth perception.

Baku: A good spirit. Known as the “eater of dreams.” You know, I’m beginning to think the Japanese grasp of good and evil is a wee bit shaky.

Benten: Goddess of love, the arts, wisdom, poetry, good fortune and water. Benten; goddess of everything none of the other gods wanted to deal with.

Bimbogami: God of poverty. Rituals are performed to get rid of him. I was torn about what to say about this one. Either Bimbogami; the art of bimbo folding… or … Bimbogami: he tried to improve his image but couldn’t afford the PR man.

Binzuru-Sonja: God of curing illness and good vision. Because lord knows good vision needs a cure.

Bishamon: God of war, justice and protector of law. He is one of the Shichi Fukujin. Wait, he’s one of the what? Nope. Not touching this one. I’m barely avoiding a forum ban as it is.

Bosatsu: Manifestation of the Buddha in the past, present or future. Okay… so when exactly would we just call him Buddha?

Chimata-No-Kami: God of crossroads, highways and footpaths. He was originally a phallic god. I’m pretty sure the move was considered a promotion… pretty sure… ‘bout 83%.

Chup-Kumui: Sun goddess of the Ainu. She was originally the moon goddess. She had to put in her dues with the company and get seniority before getting a gig on the day shift.

Daikoku: God of wealth, the soil and patron of farmers. See, we can tell here these are definitely NOT American gods because they mention wealth and farmers in the same sentence.

Dosojin: God of roads. Unlike his buddy Chimata-No-Kami, ol’ Dosojin didn’t have to undergo a career in the pron industry to get his road gig.

Ebisu: God of the wealth of the sea, he is the patron god of fishermen and fishing. Wealth of the sea… this might explain why he hangs around the hot spring bath fences so much. (Bonus Points if you get the obscure reference.)

Ekibiogami: God of plagues and epidemics. Oooooor… Art of folding “icky-biology.”

Emma-O: Japanese Buddhist god of the underworld. He is the judge of the dead. Also creator of Emma-O’s; the most popular breakfast cereal in the underworld.

Fudo: God of fire and wisdom… ‘cause people learn much more quickly with the proper application of flames.

Fujin: Shinto god of the wind. Seen as a terrifying dark demon in a leopard skin. Yeah… I think I saw that hentai… er… I mean anime…

Fukurokuju: Shinto god of wisdom, luck and prosperity. Wait… you did WHAT to Kujo?

Gama: God of longevity. You gotta love the subtle sense of humor of the Japanese… all these gods with huge names and the shortest name of all they give to the god of longevity.

Gekka-O: God of marriage. He binds the feet of lovers with red silken cord. Later on, after the lovers get married, he replaces the silk with tempered steel.

Hachiman: God of war and agriculture. Because there isn’t always a war going on and every god should have a hobby.

Haniyasu-Hiko and Haniyasu-Hime: God and goddess of the earth respectively. Male and female earth gods… I think I’m beginning to form a theory about how earthquakes happen.

Haya-Ji: God of the whirlwind. Yeah, I make that sound too when I spin too fast for too long.

Hoso-No-Kami: God of smallpox. And his parents said he’d never amount to anything.

Hotei: God of happiness, laughter and the wisdom of being content. Wisdom of being content… obviously he is nowhere to be found in any Forums anywhere.

Ida-Ten: Buddhist god of the law and of monasteries. A handsome young man. His younger brother was rather average looking though; his name was Ida-Five.

Iki-Ryo: The spirit of anger and envy which harms. As opposed to that beneficial envy.

Inari: Both a male and female deity, god/goddess of rice and agriculture. Only available as an Incarnate with the purchase of the Science Booster Pack.

Izanagi: Primordial god of the sky and the creator of everything good and right. Also employer of the best PR firm in immortality.

Jurojin: Shinto god of longevity and a happy old age. It is strongly believed Jurojin was killed by the Social Security Administration.

Kaminari: Goddess of thunder, the Thunder Queen and the Heavenly Noise. Goddess of the Heavenly Noise? I think I met her once down in New Orleans.

Kanayama-Hiko and Kanayama-Hima: God and goddess of metal respectively. Clang-clang-clang went his trolley… Ring-ring-ring went her bell… … … sorry.

Kishi-Bojin: Goddess of children and childbirth. She is apparently incapable of entering Paragon or the Rogue Isles.

Kishijoten: Goddess of luck and beauty. Yeah, she believed all those guys buying her drinks and paying for her meals meant she was “lucky.” Probably because they kept saying “so… am I getting lucky tonight?” No one said she was the goddess of intelligence.

Kojin: Ancient tree deity and goddess of the kitchen. She lives in an enoki tree. Which… umm… apparently has a kitchen in it… wait, what?

Mawaya-No-Kami: Deity of the toilet. No, I am not making this up. Now at last you know who you were praying to when you were kneeling at the porcelain altar.

Miro: Japanese name for Maitreya. Because, you know, they sound so much alike.

Miyazu-Hime: Goddess of royalty. Not many worshipers, but it pays well.

Naka-Yama-Tsu-Mi: God of mountain slopes. Not the top, not the base… just the slopes. Very popular among Extreme Skiers.

Nominosukune: God of wrestling. Never really gained popularity in the WWE since the crowd could never manage to chant his name.

Okuni-Nushi: God of magic and medicine. Ruler of the unseen things. At least, he SAID he was the ruler of the unseen things. We could never contact them for confirmation.

Raiden: God of thunder and lightning. Performer of Flawless Victories and Fatalities. Performer of ill-advised acts of naughtiness.

Shaka: The silent sage, the wisest and first appearance of Buddha on earth. Proof positive that the wisest thing to say is nothing at all. Original creator of the “smile and nod” defense.

Shoki: God of the afterlife and exorcism. He used to be just the god of the afterlife, but years of lax security led to the necessity of being the god of exorcism too.

Sukuna-Biko: Dwarf god of healing. He will gladly heal any illness or injury you have… from the waist down.

Susanowa: God of the winds, storms, ocean and snakes. After one memorable drunken evening he promised to keep the wind storms and snakes completely separate from then on.

Tenjin: God of learning, language and calligraphy. He taught humans to write. He has publicly stated he takes no responsibility for anything on the internet.

Toyouke-Omikami: Goddess of grain. Not to be confused with To-Pukey-Omi-Headi; god of grain alcohol.

Uba: Spirit of the pine tree. Means “old woman” or “wet nurse.” Because nothing says Wet Nurse to me like old women and pine sap.

Are Incarnates still supposed to be Incarnates of Gods? I thought we basically retconned that away when we retconned the well to being a sentient omnipotent being that likes to mess with people for the lulz.

Steelclaw, I will have you know that you are responsible for me and John both laughing ourselves senseless. (This is not helped by the fact that both of us are fairly conversant with the Japanese pantheon and the jokes were made even funnier as a result.)

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

Ohh that's pretty good.

So, when are you making the Greek Gods one? Or Hindu Gods if that one's too cliche.

This was a great thread, Steelclaw. Thank you for listening to Michelle and I's off handed request.
This is the best Valentine's day ever.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow City of Heroes is a game about freedom of expression and variety of experiences far more so than it is about representing any one theme, topic or genre.

"Wanna" is an informal abbreviation of "want to," not "want a."

I love your list's Steel XD

Always good for a lol

Dear Steelclaw,

While I love your jokes, I now have to:

. get a new Keyboard.
. get a new calculator.
. dry clean one Android plushie. My wife gave it to me, it has to look good.
. get a doctor to look at my nostrils after shooting piping hot morning coffee through them. I don't think they are supposed to bleed this much...

Thanks and never change!

But my character who gets her powers through Amaterasu isn't level 50 yet...

wan·na (wän)
Informal
1. Contraction of want to: You wanna go now?
2. Contraction of want a: You wanna slice of pie?

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Just for the record, I do want a slice of pie.

A mighty chant goes up: Steelclaw, Steelclaw, Steelclaw!

No, don't run, it is a GOOD chant! As in, affirming the hilarity of what you wrote!

It isn't easy to 1) crank out as much material as you do AND 2) have it be funny. I marvel at your skillz.

Japanese pantheon? Wait a sec...

Ohai: Goddess of Lolcats

*groans abound*

See??? It is NOT easy.

You go, Steelclaw.

I am going officially on record as saying that whatever job Steelclaw has, I want it. Because any job that allows that much time to put together these awesome lists is the one that I want.

Also, in case I didn't say it already (oh yeah I did, nm ), Awesome list.

Retired at the ripe ol' age of 41... Life is hard.

Thank you Steelclaw. Your listification (not a word, don't even try to look it up!) skills amaze me!

Excellent and very very funny! Thanks!

Mikaboshi is one of the big bad guys in Marvel comics right now!