Dude. I needed that laugh. Thanks!
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Love it! Great read. |
Originally Posted by seebs
Ideally, the tank will die precisely as everyone else starts fighting, allowing aggro to be spread evenly among the blaster
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Great read! Must spread the word of Mr. Seebs teachings! 
You said you were going to do it.
You did it.
And I couldn't be happier with it.
Where to now?
Check out all my guides and fiction pieces on my blog.
The MFing Warshade | The Last Rule of Tanking | The Got Dam Mastermind
Everything Dark Armor | The Softcap
don'T attempt to read tHis mEssaGe, And believe Me, it is not a codE.
*sniff* that's just beautiful.
Mini-guides: Force Field Defenders, Blasters, Market Self-Defense, Frankenslotting.
So you think you're a hero, huh.
@Boltcutter in game.
This should be framed!
epic
EDIT: Psychoti now has a weblink he can use in his replies to all those rude tells he gets 
http://www.scene-and-heard.com/cov/covsig.jpg
As a high-ranking officer of the #1 SG on Virtue, I approve this message whole-heartedly.
There are no words for what this community, and the friends I have made here mean to me. Please know that I care for all of you, yes, even you. If you Twitter, I'm MrThan. If you're Unleashed, I'm dumps. I'll try and get registered on the Titan Forums as well. Peace, and thanks for the best nine years anyone could ever ask for.
Finally! A clear and simple set of rules that lets me play this game the way someone else wants me to. I'd hate to think Sucking was something only uninformed people could do.
But seriously, thanks for the laughs! This is hilarious.
Oh and also,
LRN2SUK VET!!1!1!!
I can't wait to use these new techniques to make CoH/CoV a better experience for us all
Ty Seebs, I've been doing it wrong all these years
For years now, I've been unable to understand why I keep getting invited back to the same teams over and over again.
Thank you!
This guide changed my life!
Pure win!
Funny stuff - I lol'd
4
I've been rich, and I've been poor. Rich is definitely better.
Light is faster than sound - that's why some people look smart until they speak.
For every seller who leaves the market dirty stinkin' rich,
there's a buyer who leaves the market dirty stinkin' IOed. - Obitus.
This needs its own robot chicken episode.
Ignoring anyone is a mistake. You might miss something viral to your cause.
Seebs, after the week I've had and the stress I've been under, I really needed something that would make me smile.
But you made me laugh. Awesome post. I love it!
And I need you to send me a new keyboard and replacement beer, which is what damaged the keyboard. 
Reminded me of a classic Atlas Park broadcast I used when it was popular to spam SG invites there.
"Why So Serious is now not recruiting. We're not a TOP TEN SG, and we do farms, missions, TFs and PLing for each other. don't SEND ME A TELL for invite!"
Global- @SailorET, Justice Server
Sheryl Fiero, 50 AR/Devices Blaster
Louise Fiero, 50 Merc/Traps MM
Various assorted alts
Proudly serving in our military so you don't have to.
I have never put much stock in player guides, but after reading this, I inspired to take this teaching to heart and use it constantly as I play.
I feel dirty for laughing at this.
>_>
Pfft. You call that a "guide"?!?!?!
Way too many &*%$ words. LR2rite.
[seriously, that was awesome]
seebs, I humbly bow to your wisdom. May I someday honor you with my actions.
Masterful. Brilliant. Insightful. Comprehensive, but by emphasizing core principals this guide gives the reader a springboard to personal creativity in suckiness. One of the best guides I have ever seen.
Now I have to see if you have written any other guides.
With a virtual Kowtow in you direction,
Jak
I also wrote a guide to /devices, entitled "Left to your own /devices". It is not as much fun.
FWIW, my favorite line in the whole thing was "evenly divided among the blaster." I've been that blaster.
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HEY, SHUT UP! YOU DON'T PAY MY $15! |
Originally Posted by seebs
a scrapper with no defensive abilities can faceplant faster than a "pure healer" defender can heal.
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Main Hero: Chad Gulzow-Man (Victory) 50, 1396 Badges
Main Villain: Evil Gulzow-Man (Victory) 50, 1193 Badges
Mission Architect arcs: Doctor Brainstorm's An Experiment Gone Awry, Arc ID 2093
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nethergoat
it's NEVER too late to pad your /ignore list!
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How to Suck at City of Heroes (and Villains)
It was a trick question; the answer is "A, B, and C". You can't do D, because you don't have any friends. However, the other three options are all correct. Let's examine them in a little more detail.In most MMOs, experienced players know that there is no such thing as a bad group; there are only good groups, and funny groups. City of Heroes is afflicted with a player base many of whom are basically intelligent and friendly, meaning a lot fewer funny groups, which in turn denys us a lot of opportunities to rant on the forums. You can help. By learning to really suck at CoH, both game mechanically and socially, you can keep SG channels and global channels hopping with funny stories, giving other players the chance to bond as they commiserate.
This guide gives you an overview to key ways in which you can completely fail at many aspects of City of Heroes. I try to cover build advice, character design, interaction with other players, and more.
This guide is necessarily a work in progress, and I am deeply indebted to various pick-up groups for their contributions, feedback, and ongoing support.
Section 1: Philosophy
To really suck at a game, there is one thing that is more important than anything else: You must take the game very seriously. This doesn't mean you have to put in a lot of effort learning to play the game, it means you have to be offended when other people play the game in a way you don't like, or when people fail to contribute directly to your positive game experience.
Let's do a little pop quiz. You're in Port Oakes, and the zone is dead. You wanna do a couple quick paper missions to get your jet pack. You search the zone, and there's someone else there. You invite them to team with you. They decline the invitation. What do you do?
Option A highlights a key strategy in sucking at CoH: Never do something alone when you can have someone else do it while you sit at the door berating them for not doing it fast enough. You should always be ready to let someone else do something for you. Option B shows a dextrous combination of two key strategies. The first is demanding that people justify themselves to you; the second is not actually paying attention to their response, and ideally making sure they know you weren't paying attention.
Always remember that, if someone fails to enable you to play the way you want to play, it means they are stupid and wrong. Tell them so. Note that this is not a reciprocal arrangement; if other people want to tell you how to play, tell them in no uncertain terms to shut up. You know what you're doing; they don't. They aren't paying your $15 a month.
Section 2: Character Building (yours)
City of Heroes has taken the unfortunate path of making nearly everything viable, making it hard to do a really bad job of picking your initial sets. However, there is still some hope; you can pick a set for the wrong reasons. For instance, rather than playing Empathy as an amazing buff set that can empower your teammates to steamroll content, you could play it as a pure healing set, taking only the healing powers. This will utterly gimp your performance.
Give serious thought to completely ignoring one of your sets, usually your secondary. A defender who never uses attacks can deprive a team of a major source of effective debuffs; a scrapper with no defensive abilities can faceplant faster than a "pure healer" defender can heal.
Learn to slot. One strategy would be to stick with TOs at all levels because they are "cheaper". Also, slot for endurance reduction. You're always running out of endurance, right? So slot your attacks for endurance reduction, rather than accuracy or damage. This way, instead of killing things in fewer hits, or hitting more often, both of which indirectly reduce endurance consumption, you can focus on directly reducing endurance consumption.
People will sometimes talk about "ED". Ignore them. Six-slot your powers for the trait you want. Again, it's crucial that you ignore, or insult, people who try to suggest ways your build might be able to more effectively accomplish your goals. What do they know? If they wanted to play your character, they should have thought of the name first.
Section 3: Character Building (everyone else)
Everyone else's build is your business. If they didn't make the right choices, that will cripple the team. So be sure to look closely at what they've got. If they haven't picked a core power of one of their sets, let them know. Don't let them just handwave it off; make sure they acknowledge that their choices were wrong and explain exactly how they'll rectify the situation.
In rare cases, a particularly mule-headed sort will ignore you if you keep commenting on their build; this is why you should have a second account. Keep up the pressure. Remember, you're doing this to make the game better.
Some people make choices so awful that there is no point in considering teaming with them. For instance, if someone were to take a travel power that doesn't have good synergies with their combat powers, that would be a sign that you should probably boot them from the team immediately. Similarly, if someone does something particularly unsalvageable, such as building a defender who isn't primarily focused on the defender's role (healing), boot them right away. Consider advertising the reasons for the boot in the local broadcast channel (see Chats and Channels, below).
Section 4: Fighting Enemies
The most important thing to keep in mind is that there is only one right way to fight in CoH, but there are many wrong ways. If people deviate from the ideal plan for your current situation, berate them mercilessly. Don't try to help or recover from a problematic situation; stand back and start blaming. It's vital that your long chat message about whose fault it is reaches team chat first.
In general, a good strategy can be identified by the amount of planning and explanation it requires. If your strategy can be explained within one or two chat messages, it's probably going to be worthless when things start to happen -- in the frenzy of battle, simple rules and plans are unlikely to have taken all the contingencies into account. You need detailed multi-step plans. If the plan fails, identify who screwed up and let them know it was their fault.
There are a few core strategies you should be familiar with, and a few general rules you need to know about how to develop a new strategy. I'm going to illustrate each general rule with an example of a strategy built to maximize its effect.
Herding
There are several ways to "herd" in City of Heroes. Some players figure that a tanker (or brute, or scrapper, or anyone else durable) can pick up some aggro, draw a spawn together, and pretty much just run with it. Never, ever, fall for this trap. You see the problem, right? It's way too simple.
A good herding strategy should involve constant communication with detailed instructions. Obviously, the tank is the leader of the group, so the tank needs to control every aspect of the process. The tank should announce where the spawn will be herded to, warn people repeatedly not to get involved until the spawn is ready, then tell them when to attack. Do not rely on the judgement of other players. There is little chance that an experienced blaster will be able to somehow guess when it's safe to attack. Worse, a mistake could result in a team member dying; because of the extremely stiff penalties associated with death in CoH, this is a major disaster.
Advanced players may find it more rewarding to die quickly while out of line of sight of the rest of the team, or while trying to bring the spawn back to the team. Ideally, the tank will die precisely as everyone else starts fighting, allowing aggro to be spread evenly among the blaster.
This strategy illustrates a couple of general rules. First, the most efficient way to do any content is to have only one player active as often as possible. Too many cooks spoil the broth! If you have multiple players acting and making decisions, they may get out of synch or split the team. Having the other seven players wait for the right moment lets you keep the focus where it belongs -- on you.
Secondly, it's worth noticing that this strategy played out entirely differently in the past, before the aggro and target caps. One of the best ways to suck at City of Heroes is to never, ever, change your behavior in response to massive changes in the game engine or combat mechanics.
Mining
Let's say you're not a tank. How do you make sure everything is about you? Simple! Set up mines and time bombs. These are a great way to keep gameplay focused, and therefore efficient, as you carefully set up a large mine field, describing in detail the order in which someone should pull a spawn through the field. While you're talking, and they're listening, the group is working the way it is supposed to.
Again, see how the focus of the group on a single player makes that player more important and builds team spirit.
Be careful not to use mining strategies only against spawns that are otherwise too hard for the group, or selectively based on circumstances. The point of a strategy is to use it all the time.
Healing
Pure healers are a build strategy, but healing is also a combat strategy. The key to healing is that you want to heal damage. That means damage has to be taken, first. Resistance and defense buffs for players reduce incoming damage, and that means less healing. Similarly, to-hit and damage debuffs for mobs mean less incoming damage, and thus less healing. But healing is what keeps you alive, so those things are bad.
If you aren't dying, it is because someone is healing you. Sometimes, people will try to claim that they are helping by using powers which don't heal you. Don't be fooled. No green numbers? Boot that defender and get someone who knows how to play the game.
Section 5: Chats and Channels
Global channels, supergroup and coalition, broadcast, team chat, the help channel... All of these media exist to serve you. Be sure to use the right medium for any communication. Usually, that will be the broadcast channel or a global channel.
The most important thing to understand about channels is the word "trolling". Trolling is the process of doing things which create drama, such as disagreeing with you, or providing some kind of reference or citation in support of a claim. People who do this are doing it because they love drama. Of course, in part they're getting the right idea; the purpose of channels is to provide a venue for drama. Every channel, whether it's a "global" channel or local broadcast, is there to provide entertainment to the participants, in the form of drama.
On rare occasions, people will fail to specifically identify their religion or the intimate details of the sex life. Luckily, you can always tell, so you can use these as the basis of a compelling argument as to the worth of their contributions. This can, of course, lead to people trying to "troll" you by claiming that your behavior is offensive. Remember to petition them for harassment when they do this, especially if they announce that they have reported your behavior to the GMs.
Special case: Tells
Tells are a special case, because they are sort of like a channel, in that there are social norms for how they're used. First off, never use tells as a preamble to a super group or team invite. Just invite people. What would you tell them that they wouldn't get from the invite window? You don't want picky people with a sense of entitlement who are only interested in some teams, or might have expectations of a super group. These people will turn out to be horrible whiners. No, you want people who will click yes on anything you ask.
That said, it is of course perfectly reasonable to send people tells asking them to join your super group. Don't restrict this to people you've met, or that you know in some way; as the section on super group recruiting will explain, limiting the field that way hurts your chances. Ask everyone. Use the search window to find people, so you don't risk missing people on the grounds that they're already in a super group or something stupid like that.
Section 6: Teaming
Blind invites. Nothing will fill a team faster than running down the search window clicking invite-to-team as fast as you can.
Running a team is a heavy responsibility. To run a team, you have to be ready to make fun of how people play the game, kick them from the team if they annoy you, and sit around saying "ne1 hav bank mis?" Furthermore, it is up to you to ensure that your team composition is viable for missions. If you are running a level 28 team, for instance, do not invite anyone under level 26 to your team; they will be a liability to the team. Similarly, don't invite anyone over level 30, because when they "exemp" down, they will forget how to play their character.
You may find it more rewarding to play on teams run by other people. This gives you a great opportunity to educate them about how to run a team more effectively. The most effective way to get a team is to pick a zone where there's a lot of under-dressed female heroes you can look at, and stand in one place saying "lft" in broadcast. Try not to be too specific about your archetype and level.
If you are running a team, be sure to focus on the most crucial support role; be the person who gets the mission, then show leadership in helping people understand the mission objectives. For instance, if you could find a hunting mission, you could direct people to the most efficient way to repeatedly complete it. A decisive and clear-speaking leader could summarize this in only a few words; perhaps "Go. Hunt. Kill skulz."
Section 7: Running a Super Group
It's a tough call whether you should run your own super group or try to steal someone else's. The key thing is that you'd better be in charge. You may wonder how to tell whether a super group is good. Conveniently, the game provides an objective and reliable measure of the quality of supergroups, called "prestige". As the name suggests, this is a direct measure of how prestigious your super group is. It is, of course, necessary that group members always run "in SG mode", where they will be contributing prestige to your super group. (At higher levels, this can reduce the rate at which they acquire inf. Tough luck for them, your super group matters more.)
Because super group membership is such a huge responsibility, it's important to have detailed rules and regulations for your super group. Never allow someone any kind of rank within your super group if they also participate in other super groups. Similarly, never allow any kind of criticism of your group or leadership; criticism of leadership leads to anarchy and chaos, and prevents a super group from running like the well-oiled military machine it is supposed to be.
Your super group's channels are your chance to impose structure on the game. Be sure to enforce, as ruthlessly as necessary, any policies you set. Policies should be set to maintain the distinctive culture of your SG, and to encourage isolation; you don't want people getting along with, or interacting with, members of other SGs.
Examples of good SG chat rules:
On the other hand, some rules are so crippling, so extreme, that they prevent people from forming the esprit de corps that marks a successful community. Examples:
Never let people view your super group as a fun way to hang out with friends. The super group is all. It gives them access to the base. It gives them team mates. The super group is mother! The super group is father! Your group should have clear and explicit policies covering every conceivable case. Try to provide your own definitions for common English words; this technique, pioneered by cult leaders, allows you to create a separation between your "in" group and outsiders.
Super group membership should be all or nothing. People who play other games, or play in other super groups, or play on the other faction, are not serious about your super group. Get rid of them. Better, just keep them in roles of non-authority, but continue to get prestige from them.
Growing your SG
Growing your SG is crucial, because only by drafting hundreds of players and trying to get them to level all their toons in SG mode can you get enough prestige to be a truly respected SG. Just as everyone respects any group that has lots of prestige, no one will take you seriously, or care what you think, if your SG isn't one of the top ten. Remember! Prestige is an objective measure of the quality of a super group.
To make this work, you need people. Lots of people. Now, some people will just meet people they enjoy playing with, invite them to join a supergroup, and focus on whether they have fun together or enjoy each others' company. These people are losers. You will never see people who are having fun instead of farming prestige in the top ten list on any server.
You might think you should announce your SG, or promote it by running events. Wrong. Advertisements in broadcast channels will not get you enough people. This is especially true if jealous and bitter people who want to sabotage you might respond with comments on their perception of your SG's quality.
No, there are only two good ways to get people into your SG. The first is to use the search interface to find people who are sort of low level and invite them. Macro this, because you're going to be doing it a lot. Just send them all a message, something like "Hello, would you like to join a super group?" Now, you may have noticed that the search interface doesn't show you whether people are already in a super group. That's okay! As long as your request is polite, no one will mind. It doesn't matter how often you ask the same person, or their alts, or how badly you've treated them in the past. It's still a friendly question. So keep right on asking.
Don't worry about responding to questions. For the most part, people who ask questions about your group before joining it aren't really interested. They're just stringing you along because you've already invited them twenty times. The people you want are people who say yes without knowing anything about your super group; these are the people who can be molded to serve your needs.
Another great recruiting tactic is grouping. Group with people, then invite them to your super group. Some people do this wrong; they wait until they know which players they enjoy grouping with. Wrong. The goal is numbers, numbers, numbers. Nothing else matters. Just invite them. If they say no, kick them out of the team immediately; they are of no use to you. It's possible to screw this up, though. If you mention to people that you're recruiting, they might anticipate that you're not actually looking to run missions with them unless they're willing to serve your prestige-farming needs. So don't do that. Rely on the fact that players assume a mission invite is for the purpose of running missions. This will let you perform an elegant bait-and-switch, which nearly always makes a strong impression.
Section 8: Communications Skills
The fact is, it doesn't matter how you write, or spell. What matters is that if anyone criticizes your spelling or writing, you must freak the *@#!* out. Nothing helps drive home the irrelevance of communications skills like an outraged rant. Consider this representative sample:
You sure told them. (Note that this has been censored for presentation on the forums; obviously, in game, you'd spell those words out, for approximate values of "spell".)
Section 9: Roleplaying
It is important to clearly state in your character's description that other people cannot read your mind, as only Mary Sues can read other people's minds. If someone else tries to tell you what their character is like, this might disrupt your RP. Be sure to tell them off for "godmoding".
Generally, it is a safe bet that a female character who has some kind of costume is interested in explicit sexual roleplaying. Remember not to kill the mood by getting all meta-gamey and asking about this; it breaks immersion.
People often won't know how they should react to your character; you can provide a "roleplaying hook" by describing exactly how they react to your character. For instance, if your skin exudes a powerful poison, it's important to tell people up front that anyone who touches you for any reason dies. Some people may "godmode" by making up excuses for why their character is supposedly "immune" to poison, such as being already dead or a robot or something. Be sure to clarify in your description that these exceptions don't work. Here's an example of a way you could make your background clear:
See how well this works? Other players immediately know where they fit in interactions with you.
Sometimes, people may not know why they should be interested in your character. Give subtle cues; for instance, you could macro an emote about touching some piece of jewelry you wear. Hit this macro often when roleplaying, so people know it's important. You can add to the mystery by reacting with furious rage if anyone dares ask about your mysterious traits. That helps cement that you are a serious roleplayer.
Section 10: Advanced Topics
If you've read this far, you are probably ready to really, really, annoy other players. However, you can always get better. Just remember that righteous indignation and blind fury are both great responses to nearly anything, and that it is a safe bet that other players are lying to you maliciously whenever they say anything inconvenient to you.
Above all: Never have fun. If you start having fun, then other people might find it infectious and also have fun, and then where would we be?