This is my thread.

I'm here to chew bubblegum and flame n00bs and I'm all out of bubblegum.

::flames the thread::

I am so troll. I am so troll. T-R-L-L. I mean, T-R-O-L-L.

What's the pool on me up to right now? What's it up to? What is it, three hundred dollars -- is that it? Three hundred? I'm a forum poster. I post threads in this little forum called Comic and Hero/Villain Culture. The last six years, I've been at Paragon City. I was a Blaster in my super group in the spring time. Back home when I tell people what I do for a living, they think, "Well, that... that figures." But over here it's a big, a big mystery. So I guess I've changed some. Sometimes I wonder if I've changed so much my wife is even gonna recognize me whenever it is I log off -- and how I'll ever be able to tell her about threads like this one. Sleestak... I don't know anything about Sleestak. I don't care. Man means nothin' to me. It's just a name. But if, you know, if going to the forums and posting so he can go home, if that earns me the right to get back to my wife... well, then, then that's my mission. You wanna leave? You wanna go off and fight Arachnos? All right. All right, I won't stop you. I'll even put in the paperwork. I just know that every noob I flame, the farther away from home I feel.

I don't want to post anything, troll anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to troll anything posted or processed, or post anything trolled or processed, or process anything trolled, posted, or processed, or repair anything trolled, posted, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

break in case of writers block

We were somewhere around Brickstown, on the edge of the war wall, when the memes began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should post?"
Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge trolls, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car.

I wish I could tell you that Sleestack posted the good OP, and the trolls let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but the City of Heroes forums is no fairy-tale world. He never fed the trolls, but they kept on posting. Things went on like that for awhile - forum posting consists of routine, and then more routine, followed by a scoop. Every so often, Sleestack would show up with a fresh thread. The trolls kept at him - sometimes he was able to flame 'em off, sometimes not. And that's how it went for Sleestack - that was his routine. I do believe those first two threads were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this forum would have got the best of him.

(As if this thread wasn't insane enough)


I look up to the Moderators, and when you rise above the trolls, I WILL TAKE OFF IN A PLANE AND SEND IT INTO A NOSE DIVE INTO THE BANNED THREADS, HOAKHOGAN! I NEED NOT YOUR POSITIVE REPUTATION, HOAKHOGAN! THE WARRIORS WHO COULD NOT LOG INTO THE FORUMS HAVE ATTACHED THEMSELVES TO THE OUTER FIREWALL OF THE SERVER! THEY ARE SEEPING THROUGH THE PORTS AND THEY RIDE ON MY BACK FOR MY PROTECTION! What do I see in the forum style sheet, Hoakhogan? Red and yellow. The colors of Hulkamania. They're questioning... DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES HOAKHOGAN TO BE A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO COMBINE THE POWER OF THE WARRIORS WITH THE POWER OF THE HULKAMANIACS AND TREKKIES AND BROWNCOATS AND STORMTROOPERS AND UNITE THE FANBOYS INTO A NERDRAGE WHICH CANNOT BE REPRODUCED? THERE ARE NO MORE THREADS TO BE MARKED READ! THERE ARE NO MORE QUESTIONS TO BE ANSWERED! AT WRESTLEMANIA, HOAKHOGAN, THE AMAZING PURPLE STUFFED WORM IN FLAPJAW SPACE WITH A TUNING FORK WILL DO A RAW BLINK ON HARA-KIRI ROCK AND I WILL BE THE WWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! I NEED SCISSORS! 61!

(yeah, I need to go take my medicine now...)

This thread needs an enema.

Trolls, very dangerous. You go first.

Yea, though I post in the thread in of trolls, I will fear no flamewar: for Moderator 08 art with me.

I must not flame.
Flames are the thread-killer.
Flames are the little-death that bring total banination.
I will face the trolls,
I will permit the flames to pass over me and through me,
And when it has gone past I will turn the moderator to see its path.
Where the flames have gone there will be nothing.
Only the thread will remain.

That thread really tied the room together.

Hold your thread! Hold your thread!

Forumites of Paragon City, of The Rogue Isles, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. The day may come when the courage of forum posters fails, when we forsake our posts and break all bonds of flaming, but it is not this day! An hour of woe and shattered image tags when the forum servers come crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we post! By all that you hold dear in these good forums, I bid you post, Forumites of Comic and Hero/Villain Culture!!

Listen, and understand. That troll is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop posting, ever, until you are banned.

Teacher says every time a thread is flamed, a troll gets its wings.

People once believed that when someone dies, a moderator carries their post to the land of the forums. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible troll is carried with it and the post can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the moderator can bring that post back to put the wrong things right.

It was the best of threads, it was the worst of threads; it was the age of flames, it was the age of n00bs; it was the epoch of scooped!, it was the epoch of tl;dr; it was the season of bans, it was the season of fix'd; it was the spring of LOL, it was the winter of ; we had everything to post, we had nothing to post; we were all going directly to the Forum Cartel, we were all going the other way.

The Forumite Manifesto
by
+++Shadow Ravenwolf+++
Written May 28, 2010

Another one got caught today, it's all over the Intarnets. "Poster Banned in Flame War Scandal", "Forumite Suspended after Threadjacking"...

Damn gamers. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the forumite? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?

I am a poster, enter my world...

Mine is a world that begins with Player Questions and Technical Issues... I'm smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they post bores me...

Damn Suggestions & Ideas. They're all alike.

I'm in Archetypes & Powers. I've listened to self righteous bigots explain for the fifteenth time how I should play my game. I understand it. "No, Ms. Smith, I didn't take Speed Boost on my Controller. I don't usually team with her..."

Damn kid. Probably jerkhacked and duped the rares. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found an AE Exploit. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me... Or feels threatened by me.. Or thinks I'm a smart ***.. Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...

Damn kid. All he does is farm for Purples. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through the cable line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is found. "This is it... this is where I belong..." I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...

Damn kid. Running up the Utility Bill again. They're all alike...

You bet your *** we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food in the Dev and Community Digests when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like PVPIO drops in a 1 hour arena match.

This is our world now... the world of the Quote and the New Reply buttons, the beauty of the Rich Text Editor. We make use of a service already existing without paying for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and you call us Trolls. We explore... and you call us Dirty Exploiters. We seek after knowledge... and you call us Dirty Farmers. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us Dirty RPers. You build Ban Hammers, you wage Threadlocks, you Edit, Delete, and Move posts on us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what theie avatar looks like. My crime is that of out posting you, something that you will never forgive me for.

I am a Forumite, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

I know what you're thinking. "Did he make six posts or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is an epic troll in the longest forum thread, and would flame you clear off the boards, you've got to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, troll?

We have to go troll, Kate! We have to go troll!

Sleestack has come unstuck in threads... He has seen his registration and ban many times, he says, and pays random visits to all the posts in between.