This is my thread.

This is my thread.

*Bursts unexpectedly into thread*

NOBODY expects the Troll Inquisition! Our chief weapon is flames ...flames and threadjacks...threadjacks and flames.... Our two weapons are threadjacks and flames...and ruthless ad hominems.... Our *three* weapons are threadjacks, flames, and ruthless ad hominems...and an almost fanatical devotion to our posts.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as threadjacking, flames.... I'll post again.

*exits thread*

*Bursts unexpectedly into thread again*

NOBODY expects the Troll Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: threadjacking, flames, ruthless ad hominems, an almost fanatical devotion to our posts, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!

Mod8: Well, isn't that something? Thing is, I'm going to have to take the post.

:: post is taken and the boards are set aflame ::

Me: TROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Post #3: The Larch. The Larch.

And now for something completely different...

Coming Summer 2010, from Sleestaxco, Inc.: Confuse-A-Troll!!

[ ProTip: The banner is a link to art refs!! | The Khellection | The HBAS Repository | Brute Guides (4/16/10) | How To Post An Image - A Quick Guide ]
Biggest Troll on the forums? I'll give you a hint:

QUIET AMERICAN: Ah. I'd like to post a discussion, please.
NCSOFT CUSTOMER SERVICE: Certainly sir. Have you posted here before?
QUIET AMERICAN: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
NCSOFT CUSTOMER SERVICE: I see. Well, do you want to have just one thread, or were you thinking subscribing to the forums?
QUIET AMERICAN: Well, what is the cost?
NCSOFT CUSTOMER SERVICE: Well, It's one pound for a single thread, but only eight pounds for a subscription of TEN!
QUIET AMERICAN: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the thread and then see how it goes.
NCSOFT CUSTOMER SERVICE: Fine. Well, I'll see what thread's unlocked at the moment.
(Pause)
NCSOFT CUSTOMER SERVICE: ShoNuff's free, oh he's been scooped.
Ahh yes, Try Sleestack; room 12.
QUIET AMERICAN: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

TEN YEAR OLD JERK: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
QUIET AMERICAN: Well, I was told outside that...
TEN YEAR OLD JERK: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
QUIET AMERICAN: What?
TEN YEAR OLD JERK: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
QUIET AMERICAN: Look, I CAME HERE FOR A DISCUSSION, I'm not going to just stand...!!
TEN YEAR OLD JERK: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is Player VS Player.
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
TEN YEAR OLD JERK: Ah yes, you want Sleestack's Thread, Just along the corridor.
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
TEN YEAR OLD JERK: Not at all.
QUIET AMERICAN: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)
QUIET AMERICAN: (Knock)
SLEESTACK: Come in.
QUIET AMERICAN: Ah, Is this the thread for a discussion?
SLEESTACK: I posted it in the OP.
QUIET AMERICAN: No you haven't.
SLEESTACK: Yes I have.
QUIET AMERICAN: When?
SLEESTACK: Just now.
QUIET AMERICAN: No you didn't.
SLEESTACK: Yes I did.
QUIET AMERICAN: You didn't
SLEESTACK: I did!
QUIET AMERICAN: You didn't!
SLEESTACK: I'm telling you I did!
QUIET AMERICAN: You did not!!
SLEESTACK: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a single thread discussion, or should I crosspost?
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh, just the single thread.
SLEESTACK: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
QUIET AMERICAN: You most certainly did not.
SLEESTACK: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely posted about it.
QUIET AMERICAN: No you did not.
SLEESTACK: Yes I did.
QUIET AMERICAN: No you didn't.
SLEESTACK: Yes I did.
QUIET AMERICAN: No you didn't.
SLEESTACK: Yes I did.
QUIET AMERICAN: No you didn't.
SLEESTACK: Yes I did.
QUIET AMERICAN: You didn't.
SLEESTACK: Did.
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh look, this isn't a discussion.
SLEESTACK: Yes it is.
QUIET AMERICAN: No it isn't. It's just trolling.
SLEESTACK: No it isn't.
QUIET AMERICAN: It is!
SLEESTACK: It is not.
QUIET AMERICAN: Look, you just trolled me.
SLEESTACK: I did not.
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh you did!!
SLEESTACK: No, no, no.
QUIET AMERICAN: You did just then.
SLEESTACK: Nonsense!
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh, this is flaming!
SLEESTACK: No it isn't.
QUIET AMERICAN: I cafe here for a good discussion.
SLEESTACK: No you didn't; no, you came here for A discussion.
QUIET AMERICAN: A discussion isn't just trolling.
SLEESTACK: It can be.
QUIET AMERICAN: No it can't. An discussion is a connected series of posts intended to establish a proposition.
SLEESTACK: No it isn't.
QUIET AMERICAN: Yes it is! It's not just trolling.
SLEESTACK: Look, if I discuss a subject with you, I can take up a contrary position.
QUIET AMERICAN: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
SLEESTACK: Yes it is!
QUIET AMERICAN: No it isn't!

SLEESTACK: Yes it is!
QUIET AMERICAN: discussion is an intellectual process. Trolling is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
SLEESTACK: No it isn't.
QUIET AMERICAN: It is.
SLEESTACK: Not at all.
QUIET AMERICAN: Now look.
SLEESTACK: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
QUIET AMERICAN: What?
SLEESTACK: That's it. Good morning.
QUIET AMERICAN: I was just getting interested.
SLEESTACK: Sorry, the thread is locked.
QUIET AMERICAN: That was not a long thread!
SLEESTACK: I'm afraid it was.
QUIET AMERICAN: It wasn't.
Pause
SLEESTACK: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to post anymore.
QUIET AMERICAN: What?!
SLEESTACK: If you want me to go on posting, you'll have to subscribe to the forums.
QUIET AMERICAN: Yes, but that was never a full thread, just now. Oh come on!
SLEESTACK: (Hums)
QUIET AMERICAN: Look, this is ridiculous.
SLEESTACK: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to post with you unless you've paid!
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh, all right.
Signes up with City of Heroes
SLEESTACK: Thank you.
short pause
QUIET AMERICAN: Well?
SLEESTACK: Well what?
QUIET AMERICAN: That wasn't really a full discussion just now.
SLEESTACK: I told you, I'm not allowed to post unless you've subscribed.
QUIET AMERICAN: I just paid!
SLEESTACK: No you didn't.
QUIET AMERICAN: I DID!
SLEESTACK: No you didn't.
QUIET AMERICAN: Look, I don't want to post about that.
SLEESTACK: Well, you didn't pay.
QUIET AMERICAN: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you posting? I Got you!
SLEESTACK: No you haven't.
QUIET AMERICAN: Yes I have. If you're trolling, I must have paid.
SLEESTACK: Not necessarily. I could be trolling in my spare time.
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh I've had enough of this.
SLEESTACK: No you haven't.
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh Shut up.

(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)

QUIET AMERICAN: I want to complain.
GOLDENGIRL: You want to complain! Look at their games. I've only had Star Trek three weeks and the game is full of BUGS! Cryptic sucks!
QUIET AMERICAN: No, I want to complain about...
GOLDENGIRL: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
QUIET AMERICAN: Oh!
GOLDENGIRL: Oh Champions Online sucks too, they're not doing a very good job of posting the patch notes either, and I'm sick and tired of Cryptic stealing our ideas! AND EPISODE ONE RULES!


(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)

QUIET AMERICAN: Hello, I want to...
(GETS HIT BY THE BAN STICK)
QUIET AMERICAN: Ooooh!
MOD8: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
(HITS WITH A BAN STICK)
QUIET AMERICAN: uuuwwhh!!
MOD8: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
QUIET AMERICAN: No.
MOD8: Now..
(HITS M WITH A BAN STICK)
QUIET AMERICAN: Waaaaah!!!
MOD8: Good, Good! That's it.
QUIET AMERICAN: Stop BANNING ME!!
MOD8: What?
QUIET AMERICAN: Stop BANNING ME!!
MOD8: Stop BANNING YOU?
QUIET AMERICAN: Yes!
MOD8: Why did you come in here then?
QUIET AMERICAN: I wanted to complain.
MOD8: Oh no, that's next door. This is “being hit by the ban stick for no reason thread.”
QUIET AMERICAN: What a stupid concept.

That'sa flamin' meataball!

I wasn't really trolling. I wasn't host to posting or forumites. I was the warm little center that the life of this board crowded around.
If I didn't post anything, people always assumed the worst.

Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and Troll; egg bacon and Troll; egg bacon sausage and Troll; Troll bacon sausage and Troll; Troll egg Troll Troll bacon and Troll; Troll sausage Troll Troll bacon Troll tomato and Troll;
Vikings: Troll Troll Troll Troll...
Waitress: ...Troll Troll Troll egg and Troll; Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll baked beans Troll Troll Troll...
Vikings: Troll! Lovely Troll! Lovely Troll!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and Troll.
Wife: Have you got anything without Troll?
Waitress: Well, there's Troll egg sausage and Troll, that's not got much Troll in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY Troll!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon Troll and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got Troll in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much Troll in it as Troll egg sausage and Troll, has it?
Vikings: Troll Troll Troll Troll... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon Troll and sausage without the Troll then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like Troll!
Vikings: Lovely Troll! Wonderful Troll!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely Troll! Wonderful Troll!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon Troll and sausage without the Troll.
Wife: I don't like Troll!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your Troll. I love it. I'm having Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll beaked beans Troll Troll Troll and Troll!
Vikings: Troll Troll Troll Troll. Lovely Troll! Wonderful Troll!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her Troll instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll Troll... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Troll Troll Troll Troll. Lovely Troll! Wonderful Troll! Troll spa-a-a-a-a-am Troll spa-a-a-a-a-am Troll. Lovely Troll! Lovely Troll! Lovely Troll! Lovely Troll! Lovely Troll! Troll Troll Troll Troll!

I'm a threadjack and I'm okay
I post all night and I divert all day
He's a threadjack and he's okay
He posts all night and he diverts all day

I post nonissues, I discuss my lunch
I go to the thread
On Wednesdays I go posting
And have flaming ideas in my head
He posts nonissues...
He's a threadjack...

I post nonissues, I reply and talk
I love to press some buttons
I put on troller's clothing
And hang around on forums
He posts nonissues...
He's a threadjack...

I post nonissues, I steer the convo
Away from the OP
I wish I'd been on topic
Just like my dear moddie
He posts nonissues...
He's a threadjack...

WAHH! And I thought you were so SMART!

sleestack I hate to inform you of this, but the divorce is final. Your former spouse now owns this thread.

KeeperOfSorrows: What?! What?!
Sleestack: Are you the KeeperOfSorrows who trolled the forums for all those years?
KeeperOfSorrows: The stinking new moderator banned me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you TP grief me and stick me on the ignore list? We're closed!
(Sleestack sends another PM)
KeeperOfSorrows: Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad.
ShoNuff: I'm on the brute squad.
KeeperOfSorrows: You are the brute squad!
Sleestack: We need a miracle. It's very important.
KeeperOfSorrows: Look, I've closed my account. Besides, why would you want someone the moderators banned? I might kill off whichever thread you want me to miracle.
Sleestak: It's already dead.
KeeperOfSorrows: It is, eh? I'll have a look. Send me the link.
(After checking the link) KeeperOfSorrows: I've seen worse.
Sleestack: Sir... Sir.
KeeperOfSorrows: Huh?
Sleestack: We're in a terrible rush.
KeeperOfSorrows: Don't rush me sonny. You rush a threadomancer, you get a rotten threadomancy. You got money?
Sleestack: Sixty-five Influence...
KeeperOfSorrows: Sheesh! I never worked for so little; except once and that was a very noble cause.
Sleestack: This is noble sir. The OP is... crippled... response threads on the brink of being caught in the housekeeping routines...
KeeperOfSorrows: Are you a rotten troll!
Sleestack: I need this thread to avenge my Fire/Fire Tank, lost since Issue 5, by flaming the Global Defence Nerf.
KeeperOfSorrows: Your first story was better. Where's that Google-cache scanner? It probably got you Reputation, huh? Well, I'll read it.
Sleestack: It's dead; you can't read it.
KeeperOfSorrows: Ooooh! Look who knows so much, eh! It just so happens that your thread here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Now, mostly dead is still slightly active. Now all dead... well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing you can do.
Sleestack: What's that?
KeeperOfSorrows: Notify a mod and get them to lock it. Let's see, what's it got that's worth maintaining it for? (Checks Google-cache)
"This is my thread" thread: Hilarious.... postings....
Sleestack: Hilarious postings! You saw it! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that!
KeeperOfSorrows: Sonny, hilarious postings are the greatest thing in the world; except for a nice Hecatomb IO set. But that's not what it said! It distinctly read "Azeroth promotings". As as we all know, Azeroth is the world in WoW. So you were probably playing that other game and he was camping a spawn site...
Sleestack: This thread is the bane of the moderators life. If you threadomance it, it will force them to monitor it again.
KeeperOfSorrows: Wait, wait: I threadomance this, and all the mods have to suffer through it's appalling meme mangling?
Sleestack: Groanings galore!
KeeperOfSorrows: Ha ha! That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five influence! I'm on the job. (Works on concocting a posting)
Sleestack: That's a miracle posting?
KeeperOfSorrows: The sugar coated words make it easier to swallow. But you have to wait fifteen minutes before posting. And it shouldn't include hyperlinks for at least.... an hour!
Sleestack: Thank you for everything.
KeeperOfSorrows: Bye bye! Have fun storming the forums!

Every dead thread that is not exterminated becomes one of them. It gets up and trolls. The people it trolls get up and troll.

I am the savior of this thread. This thread shall only worship me, and me alone.

Yea, though I scroll through the subsection of the forums of purges, I shall fear no bannination.

If an OP cannot break his egg's shell, he will die before he has posted.

We are the OP. These forums are our egg. If we cannot break their shell, we will die without ever having posted.

Break the shell of the forums!

For the Forum Revolution!

I address you tonight not as a Sleestack, not as a player of City of Heroes, but as a poster on the forums. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Mods call this day "Forumgeddon" - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the interwebs, a forum community has the Youtube links and LOLcats to prevent its own extinction. All of you posting with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The forumites' thirst for excellence, knowledge; every step up the ladder of quote pyramids; every adventurous reach into the Suggestions and Ideas forum; all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations; even the flame wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrongs and the discord; through all of the pain and suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our forum above its origins, and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire MMO are focused tonight on those brave souls traveling into the forums. And may we all, forumites the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a necrothread in possession of flames must be in want of more flames.