Mission Arc Critiquing Thread

Spinomania - you can. There's an inspiration store right by the datastream.

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I really want my mission critiqued.

Name: Watchfire Origins: Miclee
Arc ID: 25400
Your global/forum name: @Micleee
Length: 3 missions/long
Arc Synopsis: An origin story for one of my characters.

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Remember the rule in the first post of this thread: You review an arc, then put one of yours up for review. That's why people have been getting skipped the last few pages.

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Arc Name: Cops and Graverobbers
Arc ID: 32803

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Just ran it and had a good time. Lots of things to do which kept my attention.

That final room is pretty fun. I was on my Spines/Dark Scrapper so I beat down the Boss....twice. (Wasn't I surprised when he popped back up and stunned me)

I enjoyed the poor robot cop's drama too.

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Remember the rule in the first post of this thread: You review an arc, then put one of yours up for review. That's why people have been getting skipped the last few pages.

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I put mine up already but I guess it wouldn't hurt to repost since I have changed it (again).

#2649 "Nerf Herder must go!" (comedy)

I'm going to figure out why I can't edit the bio on one of the lesser bosses one of these days....minor thing...but slightly annoying.

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I'd really like some feedback on my first arc (Or at least for some people to play it :P)

Arc ID 41565, Astoria in D Minor.
5 Missions, although the missions are all short-medium length and can be stealthed if that's your thing.
It's a horror arc in Dark Astoria. It's more of a personal story that ties into the greater plotline of the Dark Astoria zone rather than an arc about Dark Astoria itself.

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Mission 1:

Find daughter, alright I can do that. First collection was easy to find, and a clue! I like clues and this one is well written and motivates me to go deeper into the map. This map is huge! But the encounters are not so bad that it slows the pace down. Rescued Event Horizon, cool fight and logical dialogue, but I have to lead him out? Bah, what a downer.

Ambushed! The NPC says, "Stop the, the Warshade knows the way out of here!" Well, I know the way out too, odd thing to say.

Event Horizon gives me the info of a contact that can help me, so far so good. First mission was fun.

Mission 2:

Off to find Schism, enter into a dingy hospital map... 7 Survivors to find?! Schism is right at the start with another good clue, cool costume too.

Found Haley! Ugh, have to lead her out. I can forgive large maps if you don't force me to run back through them after clearing them.

I rescue her and she runs off again? Spider sense tingling...

Mission 3:

Cool map, I like the patrols.

So I find Haley, but the clue leaps to a conclusion that does not make much sense. Why is it so obvious that only Schism could be responsible?

Found Schism, dude was crazy, now hes dead. This map would have been annoying if I had not had Fly.

Mission 4:

Enter mission message is some sort of odd symbols, I don't know if this is intended or not, but it does not make sense. If you want me to hear some sort of language say something like, "As you enter the crypt you hear a bizarre language, "Enter crazy speak."

Ok, this fog sucks. I understand you want a creepy atmosphere but not being able to see two feet in front of you is annoying.

Got to the end finally, really hated this map, almost quit the arc because of it.

Get a clue from a conveniently placed pay phone, are Haley and Irene not dead?

Mission 5:

Same office building, just ran past everything to kill the boss. So it was supposed to be me killing everything?

Final thoughts:

The story ended up being pretty confusing. If the fog was making me see things differently there should have been some better hints, like the monsters in the first mission speaking to me, etc.

It just felt like you pulled the rug out from under my characters feet and said, "HAHA! You done it." Also, the final contact message was a wall of text with no spaces, that is not readable.

Pacing began to drag, last map being the same large office building was a let down.

The arc was very easy, so I doubt anyone will have trouble soloing it.

If not for that foggy cave map I would have enjoyed it, but that thing really frustrated me. Story has potential, just needs some touching up.

Check out my arc if you get the chance # is in my signature.

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Name: A Series of Tubes.
Arc ID #: 41781
Factions: Freakshow, Crey, Custom Group
Creator Global/Forum Name: @JChaos
Length: Five missions, no Kill Alls.
Difficulty: Medium, two EBs in the final mission.
Summary: Dr. Aeon wants revenge against The Television, so he concocts a scheme to turn the internet to his purposes by using an AI. But when's the last time an AI ever did what it's creator wanted?

I've been working on this one for a while now, and I finally decided that I'd publish it. My problem is... I don't know that many people who could help me give it a solid run-through to critique it. I'm a little concerned about the dialogue, and how my custom critters fare.

If I could get some advice here, or right here in this thread, I'd be immensely grateful.

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Dame Silverwing (50 Kat/SR Scrapper) Virtue
Professor Bikini (50 Bots/Dark MM) Virtue
Dame Silver Fury (41 Peacebringer) Virtue
Operative Velvet (50 Fortunata) Virtue
Petal Dancer (35 Plant/Kin Contoller) Virtue
Tanegashima (Rapidly levelling DP/Ice Blaster) Virtue
(and more)

<qr>

Just ran Attack of the Buxom Bikini Babes (#29448)

4 missions. Mix of custom mobs and a WIDE variety of standard. (Including some rarely seen ones that are very cool)

Pretty funny story and fun missions. Was run with a full team and it got hairy at times. Not sure how it would go solo. Some of the custom names cracked me out. I gave it 5 stars for the fun factor alone.

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Name: A Series of Tubes.
Arc ID #: 41781
Factions: Freakshow, Crey, Custom Group
Creator Global/Forum Name: @JChaos
Length: Five missions, no Kill Alls.
Difficulty: Medium, two EBs in the final mission.
Summary: Dr. Aeon wants revenge against The Television, so he concocts a scheme to turn the internet to his purposes by using an AI. But when's the last time an AI ever did what it's creator wanted?

I've been working on this one for a while now, and I finally decided that I'd publish it. My problem is... I don't know that many people who could help me give it a solid run-through to critique it. I'm a little concerned about the dialogue, and how my custom critters fare.

If I could get some advice here, or right here in this thread, I'd be immensely grateful.

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Let's see: Ramblings as I do the missions...

Mission 1: The Glowie was around the first corner, I literally walked in, clicked it, and completed the mission. Might be helpful to move it to the back, or add the boss' defeat as a requirement (cute name on him, btw, though I'd look into removing the "@" signs in his name, maybe switch those out for the number "4"? Just to make it visually pleasing. Plus, what makes the Freakshow server so special? I didn't see anything mentioned that should make their base any more important to attack then any other.

Mission 2: Placeholder? I can't tell if that's what it's supposed to be, or something that hasn't been finished yet. The turn in text has a slight typo, "the diagnostic reports from Crey' computers" needs an 's' for Crey's.

Mission 3: Maybe involve the original server somehow? Perhaps as a destructible item. Again, the name of the Freak boss is good, but those "@" signs just don't feel right to me.

Mission 4: The Extra supplies in the mission could be more 'useful' to the mission. Perhaps attach an ambush to them (a Longbow ambush maybe?), because they feel entirely unimportant and skippable.

Mission 5: Dr. Aeon should probably show up alone, not with NPCs around him. I know that's probably not doable, so having his spawn contain Arachnos troops instead of the Custom enemies might be the next best thing. He did spawn at the front of the mission, which is totally acceptable, as that's where he should be if he were a 'normal' ally. Alternatively, you could have him as an Ambush that shows up when you "upload" him by activating a glowie in the mission. The final boss shouldn't use the "$name" or "$himher" for inactive text, as she doesn't have anyone to target to use it on. Save those things for the Active text, or mid-fight. Thugs seems to be a strange set for her, but I can't complain, my WS was insta-capped on resistance, accuracy, and damage thanks to Posse. I'd probably look into Robots instead, but that's me.

Over All: I like it, and the Contact was enjoyable. I'd like it more if the AI advanced each time, going up in number and getting more powers / powerful. The clues were decent enough, and the ending was good. I guess I would like more of a sense that the AI was growing each time it was fought, with a different costume / look. But in the end, I liked it.

Sorry for the blocks of text, and I hope you find any of it useful. But... now to send my own arc to the streets to earn me some stars / tickets.

Arc Name: Romio and J'Let
Arc ID: 3291
Faction: Rikti and Nemesis
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate. No defeat alls, but several boss defeats, an escort, and hostages.
Level Range: 40-50
Synopsis: Romio of the Nemesis and J'Let of the Rikti have fallen in love. Despite their leader's wishes, they're going to defect and elope! Without help, they might never make it. Join the story and help turn this tragedy into a romance!
Estimated Time to Play: 10-45 minutes (10 for stealthing, 45 to defeat all), Three Missions

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Mission 1:

Find daughter, alright I can do that. First collection was easy to find, and a clue! I like clues and this one is well written and motivates me to go deeper into the map. This map is huge! But the encounters are not so bad that it slows the pace down. Rescued Event Horizon, cool fight and logical dialogue, but I have to lead him out? Bah, what a downer.

Ambushed! The NPC says, "Stop the, the Warshade knows the way out of here!" Well, I know the way out too, odd thing to say.

Event Horizon gives me the info of a contact that can help me, so far so good. First mission was fun.


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First off, thanks for the review! The NPC dialogue from the Council mobs was kind of a last minute addition so I suppose I should have written it more clearly, but what they mean is that he knows the way out of Dark Astoria, not out of the building (Granted, you ALSO know that, but they don't know who you are other than some random hero). Also, the reason he's an escort out rather than a standard rescue was to give him dialogue and an animation at the door, plus to allow for more Council to spawn (Originally the ONLY Council in the entire arc were the ones guarding him when you find him, which seemed silly).

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Mission 2:

Off to find Schism, enter into a dingy hospital map... 7 Survivors to find?! Schism is right at the start with another good clue, cool costume too.

Found Haley! Ugh, have to lead her out. I can forgive large maps if you don't force me to run back through them after clearing them.

I rescue her and she runs off again? Spider sense tingling...


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Not much to say about this one, I'm glad you didn't have any problem with backtracking, I know some people have had to backtrack to find all the things on this map (Myself included when I was testing), mainly due to the strange layout of the map and the odd locations it picks to spawn things. I've tried to fix it by playing around with spawn locations but it never seemed to solve the problem.

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Mission 3:

Cool map, I like the patrols.

So I find Haley, but the clue leaps to a conclusion that does not make much sense. Why is it so obvious that only Schism could be responsible?

Found Schism, dude was crazy, now hes dead. This map would have been annoying if I had not had Fly.


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The patrols were also a last minute addition to liven up the map a bit (As were the digging/ritual casting bosses). Originally all that was on there was Haley and the Schism spawn, but testing it the map just felt WAY too huge with barely anything in it. I'm glad that the patrols served their purpose (Also I understand how the map is annoying if you have to clear it on foot :P I would have picked a smaller one if there was anything better suited for Dark Astoria but this seems like it's it).

The clue would have been more descriptive but I ran into the character limit (It's HARD getting everything you want into 300 characters!). The idea was supposed to be that you've seen Schism fighting other things, and the wound pattern is significantly different than what people look like after they've been chewed up by zombies.

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Mission 4:

Enter mission message is some sort of odd symbols, I don't know if this is intended or not, but it does not make sense. If you want me to hear some sort of language say something like, "As you enter the crypt you hear a bizarre language, "Enter crazy speak."

Ok, this fog sucks. I understand you want a creepy atmosphere but not being able to see two feet in front of you is annoying.

Got to the end finally, really hated this map, almost quit the arc because of it.

Get a clue from a conveniently placed pay phone, are Haley and Irene not dead?


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Well, the whole "I can't see anything!" angle was actually what I was going for when I chose that map :3. I can see how it can be annoying (I had to have my map open constantly to not get lost when I was testing it), but every time I tested it all the required objectives were along the main path so I didn't have to do any backtracking to find them. I'm sorry if they didn't spawn that way for you, I thought they'd ALWAYS be directly in your path the way they were spawning for me but I guess that's not the case.

The crazy intro text is meant as more of a meta thing than what you're hearing. The whole mission is kind of an interface screw (Check out some of the clues you get from it), the idea being that there is something WRONG in this place. The phone message isn't meant to imply that they're still alive, it's more meant to drive home the "You could have saved them" message that the mobs and clues in this message keep taunting you with.

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Mission 5:

Same office building, just ran past everything to kill the boss. So it was supposed to be me killing everything?


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A lot of people seem to be interpreting it this way, which wasn't my intention, but it's meant to be open for interpretation so I'm not going to tell them they're wrong. My original intention wasn't that "You are the real bad guy", but more of "It's a lot harder to kill monsters when they look human and beg for their lives".

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Final thoughts:

The story ended up being pretty confusing. If the fog was making me see things differently there should have been some better hints, like the monsters in the first mission speaking to me, etc.

It just felt like you pulled the rug out from under my characters feet and said, "HAHA! You done it." Also, the final contact message was a wall of text with no spaces, that is not readable.


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It's not actually meant to be readable (I mean it's actual words, so you can TRY to read it if you want, but you won't really get anything out of it). It's more of the same kind of insane babbling you hear in the foggy cave.

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Pacing began to drag, last map being the same large office building was a let down.

The arc was very easy, so I doubt anyone will have trouble soloing it.

If not for that foggy cave map I would have enjoyed it, but that thing really frustrated me. Story has potential, just needs some touching up.

Check out my arc if you get the chance # is in my signature.

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Thanks for running my arc! Sorry if some parts of it frustrated you but a lot more of it is by design than you might realize (Not that it really absolves it - I have a sort of philosophy that games can still be good when they evoke emotions other than "fun", but if fun is all you're interested in than I don't blame you for disliking the difficult parts).

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Remember the rule in the first post of this thread: You review an arc, then put one of yours up for review. That's why people have been getting skipped the last few pages.

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That's what I get for only skimming the OP ><

I will review an arc shortly to clear my name!

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Hellooos. Would really appreciate an honest review and feedback. I also would love to do the same for someone who wants it.... just let me know

Name: Once Upon a Time
Arc ID: 29448
Your global/forum name: @Dark Tarani
Length: 3 missions/long
Arc Synopsis: A bit of a fairy tale

I have really been enjoying playing all the new and creative arcs.... many of them have really been outstanding.

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Just finished it solo with a Scrapper. Mucho fun! Loved the concept and I loved your critters...the costumes were really cool. I do wish you would write some bios for them though.

I also kind of wish you didn't let the "twist" out so soon. I knew it at the end of the first mish. Make us wait for that.

This dialog at the end: (spoilers!)

[NPC] Grandma: Thank you deary, the forest is mine! You have rid me of those silly girls! It is your turn to DIE!
[NPC] Grandma: You have done my bidding! I have my Tarani and all of the forest.... you cannot defeat me!
[NPC] Grandma: Tarani! You are mine! I command you to kill them! You cannot betray me deary! The cloak.....is......

That seems a bit repetitive. Maybe it's just me.

I loved it.

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Name: A Series of Tubes.
Arc ID #: 41781
Factions: Freakshow, Crey, Custom Group
Creator Global/Forum Name: @JChaos
Length: Five missions, no Kill Alls.
Difficulty: Medium, two EBs in the final mission.
Summary: Dr. Aeon wants revenge against The Television, so he concocts a scheme to turn the internet to his purposes by using an AI. But when's the last time an AI ever did what it's creator wanted?

I've been working on this one for a while now, and I finally decided that I'd publish it. My problem is... I don't know that many people who could help me give it a solid run-through to critique it. I'm a little concerned about the dialogue, and how my custom critters fare.

If I could get some advice here, or right here in this thread, I'd be immensely grateful.

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Let's see: Ramblings as I do the missions...

Mission 1: The Glowie was around the first corner, I literally walked in, clicked it, and completed the mission. Might be helpful to move it to the back, or add the boss' defeat as a requirement (cute name on him, btw, though I'd look into removing the "@" signs in his name, maybe switch those out for the number "4"? Just to make it visually pleasing. Plus, what makes the Freakshow server so special? I didn't see anything mentioned that should make their base any more important to attack then any other.

Mission 2: Placeholder? I can't tell if that's what it's supposed to be, or something that hasn't been finished yet. The turn in text has a slight typo, "the diagnostic reports from Crey' computers" needs an 's' for Crey's.

Mission 3: Maybe involve the original server somehow? Perhaps as a destructible item. Again, the name of the Freak boss is good, but those "@" signs just don't feel right to me.

Mission 4: The Extra supplies in the mission could be more 'useful' to the mission. Perhaps attach an ambush to them (a Longbow ambush maybe?), because they feel entirely unimportant and skippable.

Mission 5: Dr. Aeon should probably show up alone, not with NPCs around him. I know that's probably not doable, so having his spawn contain Arachnos troops instead of the Custom enemies might be the next best thing. He did spawn at the front of the mission, which is totally acceptable, as that's where he should be if he were a 'normal' ally. Alternatively, you could have him as an Ambush that shows up when you "upload" him by activating a glowie in the mission. The final boss shouldn't use the "$name" or "$himher" for inactive text, as she doesn't have anyone to target to use it on. Save those things for the Active text, or mid-fight. Thugs seems to be a strange set for her, but I can't complain, my WS was insta-capped on resistance, accuracy, and damage thanks to Posse. I'd probably look into Robots instead, but that's me.

Over All: I like it, and the Contact was enjoyable. I'd like it more if the AI advanced each time, going up in number and getting more powers / powerful. The clues were decent enough, and the ending was good. I guess I would like more of a sense that the AI was growing each time it was fought, with a different costume / look. But in the end, I liked it.

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Thank you for the critique and advice! That's exactly the sort of thing I've been looking for.

I'm still trying to figure out WHY the server is spawning at the beginning of the first mission. As near as I can tell, having the optional boss spawn at the back of the mission seems to be kicking it to the front. (I'd like them to spawn close to each other, but... that doesn't seem like it's going to happen.)

All of your other observations are definitely things I'll be taking into consideration. I really appreciate you taking the time to give me that feedback. (I really like your idea about destroying the original server in mission 3. I'll have to make that happen somehow if I can figure out the placement issues.)

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Dame Silverwing (50 Kat/SR Scrapper) Virtue
Professor Bikini (50 Bots/Dark MM) Virtue
Dame Silver Fury (41 Peacebringer) Virtue
Operative Velvet (50 Fortunata) Virtue
Petal Dancer (35 Plant/Kin Contoller) Virtue
Tanegashima (Rapidly levelling DP/Ice Blaster) Virtue
(and more)

thanks so much for taking time to review my arc. I am glad you enjoyed it

I am just about to log on and review.....
#10445 by @Healer Troy... thanks dragonslay

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Remember the rule in the first post of this thread: You review an arc, then put one of yours up for review. That's why people have been getting skipped the last few pages.

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I put mine up already but I guess it wouldn't hurt to repost since I have changed it (again).

#2649 "Nerf Herder must go!" (comedy)

I'm going to figure out why I can't edit the bio on one of the lesser bosses one of these days....minor thing...but slightly annoying.

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My suggestion would be to drop Everyman and Nerf Herder to EB's. I couldn't get by them (solo) as a Inv/SS/EM tanker.

Maybe change up the costumes for the regular not-fun guys. It's purely subjective, but they didn't much appeal to me.

Ok, that was the bad part, the good part was the fun stuff like the cheetos and the contact. I liked those. Tossing the Nazis in was a good time too.

In short, the jokes were fun. Just check the difficulty of those upper end mobs and you're golden.

My Second Arc
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Arc Name: Rep-O-Matic
Arc ID: 32048
Faction: Villainous
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Leatherneck CoV
Difficulty Level: Moderate to High
Synopsis: It's tough getting noticed in the Rogue Isles. Sure, the heroes have it easy. People like them. They go around rescuing old ladies and snagging kittens from trees. Big deal. Fortunately, there's someone out there who can help. Horace Winkleheimer. Press Agent for bad-guys.

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Arc Name: Rep-O-Matic
Arc ID: 32048
Faction: Villainous
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Leatherneck CoV
Difficulty Level: Moderate to High
Synopsis: It's tough getting noticed in the Rogue Isles. Sure, the heroes have it easy. People like them. They go around rescuing old ladies and snagging kittens from trees. Big deal. Fortunately, there's someone out there who can help. Horace Winkleheimer. Press Agent for bad-guys.

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(I'm writing these as I play it so some of them might seem dumb if something is explained later in the arc).

First off, I like the idea! Very clever, seems to fit the general tone of CoV very well.

Mission 1: Short and sweet! No meandering around, straight to the bank, beat the hero, get out. Very fitting for a bank robbery. Ms. Energetic hits HARD for someone who's allegedly taking a dive, but I didn't have any trouble with her as a scrapper - Also, unrelated note, but she's missing a description (Just has the generic "A boss is etc."). If you want to go for humour rather than challenge, it might be funnier to make her a minion or LT to represent her taking a dive so quickly.

Mission 2: "Crey is so paranoid the computer their good stuff is on isn't hooked up to their network" is a bit of an awkward sounding sentence. It could probably be rephrased to something like "Crey is so paranoid; they keep all the good stuff off their main network."

Hostile takeover is missing a description, and the glowies could use some clues attached to them to make them more interesting.

Overall this mission wasn't quite as entertaining as the first. The boss designs were nice though and I liked the map (It was a bit large for the number of objectives, though).

I have to run out now so I'll need to finish this review later, so far I'm enjoying the arc though!

*Edit* review continued:

Mission 3: Not a lot to say about this one. Map again feels a bit large for the number of objectives. Is it just me or is the content getting darker? The first mission felt kind of like a silly fun thing, now I'm freeing dictators with large counts of human rights violations (Not a complaint, just a comment :P)

Mission 4: I see we're back to silly supervillain things again! An extension on my suggestion for mission 1: Make her a minion or LT in that mission, then a boss in this one. Since now it's like "Now I'm actually TRYING, jerk."

It seems weird that Hostile Takeover has longbow assistants. It would make more sense for her to have Crey guarding her.

I like this mission, it seems to fit the same tone set by the first mission - very over the top supervillain macho stuff, and a good victory lap for the rest of the arc. My only complaint is that 10 caches of gold feels a bit excessive - I've already cleared all the bosses and still have 5 to go. Maybe make them glowies so they can be cleared faster? Unless you needed them as destructable objects to give them guards, which I understand, but it still feels like a lot.

Overall, it started strong and ended strong, but the middle lagged a bit. I think if you put more clues in past the first mission it might help liven it up a bit and make it more interesting.

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I've been polishing my two arcs, I'd appreciate any feedback both pro and con.

Arc 14679 - Monsters under the Bed!
Little Johnny's been seeing Monsters and they've made off with his Daddy!

3 missions, unique mobs, the MOnsters under the Bed, or MOB Inc. Beware of Tanglers!

Arc 27506 - Lights, Camera, Mortuary!
Someone's kidnapped Mr. Fabulous, the World Famous Action Movie Hero! Bring him back before crew call!

1 mission short, Mr. Fabulous has been snatched by a group of independent zombie film makers. Defeat the Leading Lady, the Legend in his own Mind and free Mr. Fabulous! The Director may have other plans however.... ROLL CAMERAS!

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I just ran 14679 "Monsters under the bed" with a lvl 50 ice/ice blaster solo on rugged. Honestly I didnt enjoy this arc much. I rated it 3 stars (I was probably being a little generous). I was going to rate it a one, however having a Kinetics ally was great and the disclaimer in the story description said "soloable with good dam/defenses"; being a blaster I have terrible def, so the disclaimer was perfect, adding another star.

What I liked; the Vixxen looked great. Parents vomiting was very cool. The EBs were very tough but not ridiculous. Had a Kin ally to help.

However, the story was too bare bones for me. The enemies all looked way too similiar. The maps were way too big for the number of objectives (use smaller maps!!). Worst of all was the guard group included a plant controller: twice when rescueing someone I had to stand next to them for 20 seconds (after all the critters were dead) waiting for all the carrion creepers to spawn so I could access the rescuee. You need to remove the plant whomever from the guard group.

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Thanks for the critiques, I'll look into fleshing out the missions a bit. The map sizes were the medium ones, getting a smaller one locked me into a static map... I wanted the map to randomize.

So adding another objective or two for the first two missions and diversifying the mob appearance a bit? All of the mobs were intended to follow a theme; with the Ankle Biters, Pointy Sticks and Critters being the tiny nuisance mobs and the Vixxens ramping the difficulty up a bit and the Tanglers being very visually distinctive due to the special threat they posed.

I deliberately included the Tanglers as a normal LT mob because I found the group a bit flat without them, they're visually very distinctive to aid in targeting them; they need to be taken out first. Like Malta Sappers, the Tangler's Carrion Creepers made them a dangerous mob to be dealt with quickly. I guess the trick for the guards is to have a separate mob faction that doesn't include Tanglers?

Anyway, I'm not surprised the arc was tough for a solo Blaster, I didn't have any real difficulty with a BS/Regen Scrapper but several mobs would cause a squishy problems.

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COH has just been murdered by NCSoft. http://www.change.org/petitions/ncso...city-of-heroes

It's my first time, so be gentle...

Arc Name: Bananas About Hamlet
Arc ID: 48619
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global: @Scalpel
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate
Synopsis: This is my first attempt at mission creation, so I tried for a short, amusing story about the Rikti attempt to use a bunch of monkeys to write a great work of literature. It's a short, single mission, with a boss fight at the end.
Estimated time to play: 5-15 minutes

I'd love feedback on how to improve the mission, and make it more interesting or more funny. Let me know what you think in-game, and I'll do my best to revise and improve it.

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Arc Name: Bananas About Hamlet
Arc ID: 48619
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global: @Scalpel
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate
Synopsis: This is my first attempt at mission creation, so I tried for a short, amusing story about the Rikti attempt to use a bunch of monkeys to write a great work of literature. It's a short, single mission, with a boss fight at the end.
Estimated time to play: 5-15 minutes


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This is a nicely clever mission. I really like the idea you've got going, and Horatio's dialogue is perfect. The only problem I ran into was that I just couldn't complete it; I cleared the entire warehouse, but I apparently still hadn't defeated everything. It looked like something odd with the ambushes. Check all the triggers on those, and make sure they're working properly, or you may have to take them out (I hope not, as I see what you were trying to do). Otherwise, I loved. It was just the right length to keep the joke funny.

Arc Name: If At First You Don't Succeed
Arc ID: 5923
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global: @NeverDark
Difficulty Level: Low/Moderate
Synopsis: A routine mission to stop an Arachnos thief uncovers a mad plot to restore a supervillain to his former glory!
Estimated time to play: 30-60 minutes

I've made some enormous changes from beta, and I really want to make sure the story flows properly and there aren't any glaring plot holes. The last mission especially needs to be perfect.

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We'll always have Paragon.

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: If At First You Don't Succeed
Arc ID: 5923
Faction: Heroic
Creator Global: @NeverDark
Difficulty Level: Low/Moderate
Synopsis: A routine mission to stop an Arachnos thief uncovers a mad plot to restore a supervillain to his former glory!
Estimated time to play: 30-60 minutes

I've made some enormous changes from beta, and I really want to make sure the story flows properly and there aren't any glaring plot holes. The last mission especially needs to be perfect.

[/ QUOTE ]

The Good:
* Pretty straightforward story, was easy to follow. The "go back in time and stop this" was not a surprise but I have no complaints about it.

The Bad:
* Really drags in the second and fourth missions. I ran from end of end of that Zig map three times looking for Trucco but couldn't find him. Finally just picked a high spot and scanned the area while hitting Tab until I spotted the Riot Leader, who from a distance looks like all the other prisoners. Maybe add some inactive dialog to him so that of the off chance the player runs past him they have a better chance of noticing him.
* Glowy hunts in outdoor maps, especially that ruined city map, get old fast. Spent several minutes looking for bosses, hostages, and glowies until finally one ended the mission. Found it just before I quit the arc out of frustration.

The Confusing:
* Who the heck was the orange-eyed policeman supposed to be?

Overall I gave it 4-stars, missions 2 and 4 were annoying enough to drop it down 1.

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This arc I haven't put up for review yet.

Arc Name: MacGuffin Delivery Service
Arc ID: 1567
Faction: Family, Tsoo, Circle of Thorns, Carnies, Freakshow, Council, Paragon Police
Morality: Villainous
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: A routine late-night pawn shop robbery turns into a major ordeal when you pick up a mysterious little statue that everyone seems to want for themselves. You don't know what it does, why it's so important, or why you can't seem to just get rid of it.
Estimated Time to Play: 30-45 minutes

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[ QUOTE ]

The Bad:
* Really drags in the second and fourth missions. I ran from end of end of that Zig map three times looking for Trucco but couldn't find him. Finally just picked a high spot and scanned the area while hitting Tab until I spotted the Riot Leader, who from a distance looks like all the other prisoners. Maybe add some inactive dialog to him so that of the off chance the player runs past him they have a better chance of noticing him.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hrmm, he's supposed to have some inactive dialogue. I'll make sure that it's not in the wrong text box. And I was afraid that the nav bar text would be a little too confusing. That'll need touching up too.

[ QUOTE ]
* Glowy hunts in outdoor maps, especially that ruined city map, get old fast. Spent several minutes looking for bosses, hostages, and glowies until finally one ended the mission. Found it just before I quit the arc out of frustration.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I was afraid about that mission, too. I'll turn down the number of glowies and try to make the objective a bit more clear. Unfortunately, there aren't any other ruined maps I can use, though I would like one.

[ QUOTE ]
The Confusing:
* Who the heck was the orange-eyed policeman supposed to be?

[/ QUOTE ]

A hook for a later arc. Eventually I'm make sure they're clearly linked in their descriptions, but for now I want to make sure they stand strong on their own.

Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad the rest of the arc worked nicely, and you did confirm a few of my fears.

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: MacGuffin Delivery Service
Arc ID: 1567
Faction: Family, Tsoo, Circle of Thorns, Carnies, Freakshow, Council, Paragon Police
Morality: Villainous
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: A routine late-night pawn shop robbery turns into a major ordeal when you pick up a mysterious little statue that everyone seems to want for themselves. You don't know what it does, why it's so important, or why you can't seem to just get rid of it.
Estimated Time to Play: 30-45 minutes

[/ QUOTE ]

Just added to my queue. I'll get to it a little later tonight.

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We'll always have Paragon.

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: Romio and J'Let
Arc ID: 3291
Faction: Rikti and Nemesis
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate. No defeat alls, but several boss defeats, an escort, and hostages.
Level Range: 40-50
Synopsis: Romio of the Nemesis and J'Let of the Rikti have fallen in love. Despite their leader's wishes, they're going to defect and elope! Without help, they might never make it. Join the story and help turn this tragedy into a romance!
Estimated Time to Play: 10-45 minutes (10 for stealthing, 45 to defeat all), Three Missions

[/ QUOTE ]

I liked this mission. I do have to say, Papa C'Pul'et (or how ever it was spelled) was almost too difficult for me as a 50 SS/Inv/EM tanker. Not unsatisfying as the badguy went down!

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Arc ID 4447 - Attack of the Buxom Bikini Babes by @Dr. Worm

Basically fun little adventure. Some complaints below. I did find one mission annoying, so it gets downgraded for that. It is a little deeper than initially expected, but could be a lot deeper. Some might not like hitting Buxom Bikini Babes, but the title does warn you that they are attacking.

I think it tries to be deep, but misses the mark by not taking it to a truly thought provoking or amusing level. Still, seems reasonably playable.

Forum Rating: 3 Stars. - Good, but could be a whole lot better




Detailed Critique (SPOILER ALERT):

Minor typo, 100 certain should be 100% certain in intro to the first mission "Alpha Testing"

You have to rescue clients that have disappeared in the AE simulator while experiencing the Spring Break program. The writing is clean, and the contact is a lab tech. You will be inserted into the "romantic walk in the park segment" which is between the wet tee shirt contest and the mud wrestling.
I was wondering if there might be some bait and switch going on here. I know when I took a girl for a walk in the park, bikini's weren't standard attire. But it was a simulation, so who knows.



The first map is a standard outdoor map, and you have 3 blondes to rescue, 3 redheads to liberate, 3 brunettes to save. You hear brass clanking on brass in the forest, and realize it means Lord Nemesis's goons. (I probably could have suspected Clockwork too, but I have good ears it seems)

No bait and switch here though. During Holo-Spring Break, Bikini Clad Babes stay in their Bikinis even for walks in the partk. The babes have some amusing lines. There is a bug here that happens when you have a multiple rescue scenario, and the text for completing the rescue will appear in the system messages, so when you rescue each hostage it gives you the completed message. i.e. after rescuing the first Redhead Bikini Babe, I get a message saying: "That takes care of the redheads. Funny how the program organizes these girls by hair color." Of course, there were still 2 more redheads to liberate.

There was an odd glitch that I saw, which was a little odd. When I saved one of the Blonde Bikini Babes, one of the nearby soldiers opened up on her with his machine gun. I'm figuring that there is an issue with the programming, or she is really a heroine in her secret identity.

Having saved the Bikini babes, there is still no sign of the customers.

Mission 2: Bikini Beach. The intro to the mission says "Return to Bikini Beach," but from what I recall, I was just at a park. This is a nit, but I think the author was considering a few different overall mission titles.

Apparently Nemesis has broken into AE's security, but the Nemesis plot isn't as important as the clients. The techs are "virtually certain" (I'm saying that the author made this an intentional pun, but only he knows for sure).

Turns out though, I won't be going to a beach. Now I'm going into a base under the Golden Giza.

Submarine Base emap, and a boss to beat up. I can optionally get 4 allies (nice of the author to let me know that). Apparently Nemesis troops smell as well as clank like brass on brass. I'm starting to wonder how Nemesis manages to keep anything secret with the smell and the sound.

I like to check out bios, and the bikini babes I ran into first here had some amusing ones, but the redhead had a generic one. I guess the author isn't that into redheads… A customized "Lord Nemesis?!" greets me, and he apparently is the prisoner of a trio of bikini clad babes. Even his bio asks how this could be. And, having defeated them, I get the fake Nemesis aiding me, but they really aren't necessary (but I'd have to stealth by them to get to the end without them). Here we see what is probably the new villain of the piece, the Uberbabe-in-Chief. There is a text *flash* in place of the boss disappearing instead of getting to have the teleport out effect that we all really want.

Mission completion message here is nonsensical, and I found it distracting at this point.

Mission 3: Okay, the dialog has gone into gibberish. I grant you that can work in a framework when you can try to get some clues based on responses to stimuli a protagonist makes, but given the linear nature of MA I don't think it works. Here the author is starting to lose me, but it has been amusing so far, so let's see what's next. As my contact spouts more gibberish, I respond with gibberish. I'm concerned that a shark has been jumped. Based on our dialog I don't know what my character or the contact is doing. Fortunately, since MA is so linear, I don't have too…

Snakes tunnels map now, the one with the Statue of Sthenos. My mission description has a 1 by it, so I guess I am freeing a hostage or getting 1 glowie, but the gibberish . More gibberish in the mission descriptions. As predicted though, 1 glowie is found, and the mission is over. Oddly enough, this spawns an ambush. I always find this kind of weird, since spawning an ambush after mission completion always leaves the player with the option of just hitting exit. The only bikini clad babes I saw in this particular mission were the ones in the ambush. This mission was really an exercise in sticking in a lot of random villains for no particular reason. Putting the text in that was there (including custom villain descriptions) showed that the author took the time, but I don't think it was better than having nothing there at all.

At the end I am informed that my sanity has returned. Yay me. I wonder how that happened.


Upon returning to my contact, I learn that I am not really there, but I'm only a simulation of me in front of a simulation of my contact in a simulated version of an architect portal. So, now my simulation will have to save me (I guess ending its own existence, but hey, it understands).

Mission 4

Well, at least we are past the gibberish. Short story shorter, Babes went sentient, Nemesis invaded the simulation, Babes slapped Nemesis down, and now want out. Hmmm. I want out. And some bikini clad babes in the real world as my friends. And taking out Nemesis. No, wait, I'm going to Distract the babes to stop them.

Crey Lab Map. Straightforward mission, defeat the boss. In the final fight she complains about having to eternally bounce and giggle, and complains about my sentencing her to that. Look behind the curtain people. It's the AUTHOR that is out to get you. Or maybe not. Upon defeat, she claims victory, seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Looks like they made it into the Architect Client's bodies.


Mission complete, I find out that AE's virus put the sentient bikini babes in another "deeper level" of the simulation. And they promise me that I'm real. They'll be putting the deeper level of the Bikini Babe universe on a flash drive for me to keep.


I think that the author really missed a trick here. I mean, since the character is really in a game, may as well have an addendum here from the Bikini Babes saying that my character is really just a character on some other simulation, and no more real than the Bikini Babes.

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[ QUOTE ]
I do have to say, Papa C'Pul'et (or how ever it was spelled) was almost too difficult for me[...]

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, C'pu'Let (Capulet is the name of Juliet's house in Romeo and Juliet) is a tough one, as the first thing he does is cast an RA, so with a higher difficulty comes higher HP, which makes him tough as nails.

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[ QUOTE ]
This is a nicely clever mission. I really like the idea you've got going, and Horatio's dialogue is perfect. The only problem I ran into was that I just couldn't complete it; I cleared the entire warehouse, but I apparently still hadn't defeated everything. It looked like something odd with the ambushes. Check all the triggers on those, and make sure they're working properly, or you may have to take them out (I hope not, as I see what you were trying to do). Otherwise, I loved. It was just the right length to keep the joke funny.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've fixed the mission to allow completion, and tweaked the spawn sizes and map size. The new Arc ID is 51120.

Thanks for the feedback!

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Arc# 6999 Seekers of the Grail; random thoughts as I play through

The contact is cool looking.

Mission one: Few grammatical errors in the intro. "If this is what I fear I cannot risk being discovered, my brothers..." That comma should be a semicolon or make it two sentences. Same with "I need you to investigate this group, they call..." and "So what say you, will you help me?" I'd make that last one two sentences. Ditto for the text in the intro box upon entering the mission; make it two sentences.

The difficulty seemed reasonable. I wiped out a couple times against the boss, but I'm soloing on yielding. (I'm an illusion/force field controller for the record). I came back in and liberally applied deceive and it went better.

I like the look of the Seekers enemy group.

I'm going to stop pointing out specific grammatical errors; suffice to say that a lot of your sentences either need a semicolon or need to be split into two sentences.

Mission 2: Eww, timed mission. I'm going to skip past most of this with superior invisibility and see if I can take out this elite boss.

And it turns out I can. I like how you built up to him with some minions talking about him in the first mission. I couldn't really keep him held, but I could keep him confused while I beat on him. I had one little unlucky miss streak and he broke out and one-shotted me. I didn't have any active defenses running at all, though.

I noticed that I'm only two missions in and already have four clues. That's cool.

Mission 3: Good choice of maps.

You might want to add a little more to Krieg's description to make it more interesting.

Good use of transitioning from one objective to another with the tome.

I hate the Arthur's Sword minions. I can't hold them! I've gotten much better at dealing with Arthur's Wrath, though. Got to keep them deceived before they can buff up their friends.

I got a bit overwhelmed in the last room with the altar. I expected Krieg to help me, but the lazy jerk just stood there and watched as I got ambushed. When I got back into the mission after being defeated I took control of the situation and wiped 'em all out. There were a lot of baddies in there on Unyielding!

I just noticed the group that Krieg belongs to - the Seekers? That doesn't seem right; I would make a separate group and put him in that. <Recruited Heroes> or something. If you have him listed as a boss in your main enemy group, then when there are more people in the mission, he may show up as a randomly generated boss (I think).

I feel like the "Tome of great value" clue explains a lot of the story, but it's a bit confusing to read. Try to reword some of it to be more clear in what you are trying to say. I think what you're saying is that some villain decided to pose as King Arthur, the historical figure, in order to motivate his crazy thugs by making them think of themselves as knights. Not a bad plot at all, just try to reword this clue. Maybe even consider changing the format to make it seem like you're reading a passage from the tome, though this might be tough to pull off and still have it give all the information that you want it to.

Still seeing quite a few grammar mistakes scattered throughout.

Mission 4: I like the connection to the historical King Arthur.

Big typo in the box that pops upon entering mission 4; it says "Merly" instead of "Merlyn".

Wow. Galahad killed Krieg and then beat me into the ground with one hit. I don't know what kind of defense set he's got, but about 80% of my attacks were deflected.

Came back and beat Galahad. Whatever defense he was using must have worn off, because I was able to keep him chain-held. Sucks that Krieg died - have a feeling I could've used him for fighting Merlyn.

Galahad's name is spelled as "Galasad" in the clue.

Alright, Merlyn wasn't actually that bad for me. I couldn't hold him, but I was able to keep him deceived the entire time. I deceived him and he immediately nova'd and killed all of his support, making my job that much easier.

Consider changing the clue you get from killing Merlyn to actual dialogue from Merlyn before he died rather than just a summary. It could give him some more character to have that villainous diatribe be in his own words.

It just occured to me...what are the Seekers doing that is evil? Seems like we've just been invading their bases and taking them down.

Mission 5: Yikes, gigantic Oranbega map with lots of bosses...I'm using superior invisibility to sneak past this stuff and find Arthur.

Oh man, Arthur was a tough fight solo. I couldn't hold or deceive him for more than a couple seconds at a time. I had to run away a couple times and wait for Phantom Army to recharge. I ended up beating him with about 15% of my life left. I did this without ever freeing Krieg. I just didn't want to look for him on that gigantic map and then have to clear a path to Arthur to bring him along; he wasn't all that much help in the previous mission anyway.

I gave it four stars overall; it's a good arc and most of the enemies are well designed in looks and powers. The plot is pretty good, and would be even better if it were explained more clearly. There are a lot of grammar mistakes and a few typos (the mission 5 complete text says "knew world" instead of "new world"). Clarify what exactly it is that the Seekers are doing that is evil and why they must be stopped since we never see them outside of hanging out in their own base.

Now then...I would LOVE it if someone could give me a review of my arc. It's arc #46405; The Unmaking, Part 1: Entropic Ascension. Depending on what kind of feedback I get (if I get any), I have some ideas in mind for a part 2 and possibly a part 3. Feedback on the story, the difficulty...basically anything and everything! I designed it to be soloable, so if it's too tough in a spot I'd like to know. I've got zero ratings on it right now which is making me sad!

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