I'm looking for feedback for my first published (and probably sixth total) MA arc, any help would be highly appreciated!
Arc Title: The Fellowship of Sensei Tzu
Arc ID: #444502
Canon Enemies: Skulls, Hellions, RIP, Cage, Doppelgangers
Custom Enemies: Certain Skull/Hellion bosses, The Tzu Fellowship, The Haraboki Tribe
Morality: Any
Length: 5 missions of varying length
Level Range: Level 1-14 arc, teamplay recommended for lower levels but should be solo friendly for 10+
I ran it solo with by DP/Dev blaster at +0/x2, so the custom enemies shouldn't be terribly daunting. I am looking for both conceptual and balance feedback.
Hey Guys and Gals!
I have been busy playing with the map editor (my favorite part of the game so far). I have created three custom story arc missions of various lengths, play tested them, and gotten some nice feedback and ratings thus far. All story arcs are levels 1-54. These story arcs are best run with a team of at least 3 or 4 consisting of a brute. The arcs can also be soloed by a very competent clever player or a near invulnerable Brute and lots of inspiration.
Haijutsu Corp
arc id: 445107
hour-hour and a half
Classic comic book themes, some campy humor
Long map great for team play or a really tough brute for solo. Some tough baddies in this one. The players start by breaking into the Haijustsu Corp to steal The Plasmic Inducer M600 only to find out the Haijutsu Corp isn't as virtuous as they seem to the public. But watch out! A splinter cell faction of Lady Death Squad run by a woman only known as Lady Cho is looking for it too! The adventures continue and eventually the characters break into a superbase to fight those pesky do-gooders...The Paragon Defenders. Careful, the bizarre hero known as Cyborg23 is capable of time traveling using his temporal implant. He can be in many places at the same time. It is rumored he can cross alternate universes as easily as he can cross the street.
T.i.n.k.e.r. Comes To Town
arc id:447356
med-long
Classic comic book themes, humor
The adventure begins with breaking into a warehouse to defeat the Hi-tech vigilante T.I.N.K.E.R. and some of his Hi-Tech minions. The adventure continues and takes you to the Lucky Lady Lounge for a quick stop, and then off to the secret head quarters of another Lady Death Squad splinter cell. This group of sexy and tough women are headed by a deadly and clever woman named Lady Barbera Sue.
Rescue Mutant Teen Runaways
arc id: 447850
Classic comic book themes, save the world, great heroes to fight
You have been contacted to rescue some mutant teen runaways in the Port Oakes shipyard. Defeat a tough superhero group and the cops to rescue them and to find out why the teen mutant runaways have abandoned their squat called "The Tunnels". The adventure then leads you to the tunnels to take care of their problem, and to free the other trapped mutants who are being caught and sold to Mutant Research and Rehabilitation Facilities by a mercenary group called The Raiders. This only a two map story arc. The first map is an outdoor map that takes pace in a ship yard loaded with custom Elite Bosses...the heroes. The second map is smaller and indoors with different Elite Bosses and an Arch Villain...aka The Raiders. Another great team map or solo for a tough Brute. This map is all custom characters with some hero and villain tributes to comic book legends both good and bad.
I hope you all enjoy these arcs and please send feedback to joedub1970@gmail.com. The Haijutsu Corp and the T.i.n.k.e.r. mish have similar flavor and baddies (minions, lieutenants, and Big Sarge, but different Elite Bosses and Arch Villains). The Rescue Runaways mish only shares a few lieutenants and minions (and Big Sarge) with the other two. I realize I have some serious typos and mistakes to fix in the story arcs, but currently there is a bug somewhere, and the AE editor logs me off of the server whenever I try to map edit....very frustrating 
Thanks,
-Joe
El Tigre Loco-Freedom
Atomic Chemo-Freedom
Bruiser Brawley-Virtue
You're only supposed to put one up for critiquing... at least that's what it said on the first post.
That said, here's mine. It's the first arc I've made in years.
Arc Name: Your Blue Collar Nemesis
Arc ID: 455005
Synopsis: A new enemy group has appeared in Paragon and began a kidnapping spree. Are you heroic to save the day from this threat?
I will admit, it involves Praetoria and a couple of characters I brought in.
Here is an arc (actually a single mission) that I created for Halloween. I tried to include as many of the games magic and horror groups as possible to give it a true-to-the-holiday flavor. In it you will find Mary MacComber, Jack-in-Irons (by another name), the Red Caps, Fir Bolg, and the Tuatha de Denaan. Must complete goals are: defeat Mary, Jack-in-Irons, fifteen Red Cap bosses (called Gwendoos), destroy a dark altar, and defeat one ambush.
The mission is set in a field map near Croatoa. (Wish I could turn day to night there).
Mission name: Trickin' nor Treatin'
Arc #: 458734
Please try it and let me know what you think.
Regards, Shuckins
Wow, I can't believe so many people can't read the original post.
Step 1: Critique Someone Else's Arc From This Thread
Step 2: Post one of your arcs for critique.
If step 1 never happens, then nobody's arc gets critiqued.
Quote:
Not sure who you're referring to. I actually posted a few Critiques before asking anyone to look at mine though I haven't reviewed any others sense then. Though I'm unsure what hasn't already been reviewed at this point.|
Originally Posted by Bubbawheat
Wow, I can't believe so many people can't read the original post.
Step 1: Critique Someone Else's Arc From This Thread Step 2: Post one of your arcs for critique. If step 1 never happens, then nobody's arc gets critiqued. |
I'll eventually be changing my signature to include 3 new story archs I made with a second account and I've updated these 3 again. In the mean time till I finish the new ones please PM me if you'd like me to critique your story archs. I'll post my feed back in this topic of the first 6 story archs that get sent to me. After that I'll update my signature to show all 6 story archs I made. Hope this helps.
Quote:
I'm referring to the fact that there's only one critique in the past 13 posts, and most of them are just arc ads with no mention of anyone else's arc.
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Originally Posted by Rial_Vestro
Not sure who you're referring to. I actually posted a few Critiques before asking anyone to look at mine though I haven't reviewed any others sense then. Though I'm unsure what hasn't already been reviewed at this point.
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Signature has been changed but no one has requested any Critiques.
To make this easier to read because I had to shorten it to make it fit in my signature.
1 of 6 Lord Imperial's Origin Arc ID: 147916
2 of 6 Lord Imperial's Girl Trouble Arc ID: 242612
3 of 6 Lord Imperial vs Lord Vestereo Arc ID: 156288
4 of 6 Lord Imperial and the origins of Cameron the Lovely Arc ID: 474609
5 of 6 Lord Imperial's Mistake Arc ID: 474740
6 of 6 Lord Imperial and the Spy Arc ID: 475045
Please send me a request to review your story arch before you review mine. 
Note: There's an issue with the last mission in the last story arch where it may some times not work as intended. The way it's suppose to work is you can lead either Lord Imperial OR Lord Vestereo to the bones and summon ONE version of The Stranger. Hopefully this is a rare occurrence but you may encounter an unintended "bug" that causes both to spawn in the mission. If you should do this mission please report weather or not this mission worked as intended or if you encountered this bug. Thank you. Everything else is working as intended.
Here's my review of:
Superjuice! - Brought to you by the Crey Corporation!
by @FlamingFlea (Forum Handle: The_Flea_NA)
Arc ID: 433692
Keywords: Solo Friendly, Canon Related
Length: Long
First Published: 07/26/2010 02:13 PM
Morality: Heroic
3 Missions
Enemy Groups: Hellions
Description: Hoping to capitalize on the defenselessness a mere mortal can feel in this super powered city, Crey has developed a serum which the company promises will endow anyone with a variety of super powers, but when they send a gang ridden area samples of the serum, side effect may occur. [LBMA]
I enjoyed playing this story arc. It has:
- a fun, compelling plot
- intelligent, skillful, thorough use of Mission Architect design features
Contact
The contact is Fred McNeil. I did not recognize the character, and I wondered if he was custom-made or one of the available contacts from in-game and I hadn't yet encountered the character in-game? I wanted to know more about him, so I clicked on "Ask about this contact" and saw a nicely written custom description.
Part One
Nice mission send-off text with good formatting and use of color. Interesting story premise (Attend the Neighborhood Watch Meeting) made me want to enter the mission and see what happened next.
My level 50 character was auto-exemplared to level 14. The level limit fit the story, with Hellions as the villains and normal citizens gaining super powers after drinking Crey Superjuice. If you enjoy revisiting lower level content, then this arc is for you.
The dialog of characters was colorful, involving, and really added to my enjoyment. In particular, the characterization of Fred McNeil was charming. If he isn't a character from the official game lore, then maybe he should be.
The map was an office building commonly used in-game, hero side (for example, during the Midnighters story arc). The mechanics of the mission goals worked smoothly, with nice use of clues and pop-up text.
Part Two
The map was, again, familiar, this time a warehouse. The mission mechanics and dialog served the storytelling well. Upon exiting the mission, there was no pop-up text, unlike the first mission.
Finale
Upon accepting the last mission, my Nav window showed 45 minutes, counting down. I gathered this was a timed mission. If the contact text explained that there was going to be a time limit and why it was important to complete the mission in the allowed time, I didn't catch it.
For this mission, my scrapper character was solo, unlike the first two missions, where he had tanker Fred McNeil along for back-up. Still, he had no problems making his way up the elevators to the big showdown with the custom villain, Butane. During the final battle, when my scrapper damaged Butane, he called for help, and some Hellions came running--the ambush was a good touch.
Again, there was no pop-up text after exiting the mission. There was nicely done souvenir text.
I gave the story four stars, which, to my mind, meant: I am glad I played it, it's very well done. There were some typoes/spelloes, which kept me from giving five stars. A bit more polishing, and it could well earn another star.
**********
Here's my story arc, for review, please:
Krusaders Adventures
by @Todogut (Forum Handle: Starrbolt)
Arc ID: 475115
Keywords: Solo Friendly, Custom Characters, Kid Friendly
Length: Very Long
First Published: 12/18/2010
Morality: Heroic
5 Missions
Enemy Groups: Winter Horde, Snakes, Hydra, Tuatha de Dannon, 5th Column, Custom
Description: Adventure with members of the Krusaders supergroup. Help them uncover a devious plot by an insidious mastermind.
Krusaders Adventures
by @Todogut (Forum Handle: Starrbolt)
Arc ID: 475115
Keywords: Solo Friendly, Custom Characters, Kid Friendly
Length: Very Long
First Published: 12/18/2010
Morality: Heroic
5 Missions
Enemy Groups: Winter Horde, Snakes, Hydra, Tuatha de Dannon, 5th Column, Custom
Description: Adventure with members of the Krusaders supergroup. Help them uncover a devious plot by an insidious mastermind.
Mission 1, it’s kind of hard to keep an ally following you normally but on a Skyway City map forget it. I eventually just dropped her completely and went off on my own. Also there might be too many Longbow wandering around the map because I killed maybe 6 guys total on such a large map like that there should have been far more enemies to fight.
Mission 2, has enemies that top out at level 34 but the mission doesn’t alter your fighting level. I was doing this with a level 39 so everyone was gray to me. You should change mission parameters to best suit the level range of enemies in that mission. If you set the mission for 1-34 it won’t matter how high my character is and I can still get XP for it instead of fighting threw grays that aren’t worth anything to me.
Mission 3, was the best mission so far. I’m writing this as I’m doing it. However I’ve noticed a recurring theme of rescuing people followed by destroying things. This is fine for me but most players will find this repetitive and not want to do it.
Mission 4, Replace the escort with just free captive or use a different map. The captive got lost like literally every 2 feet and I had to go back for her. Not even enough travel time to notice looking at the map that she stopped following me. I just kept seeing “Tsul don’t leave me.” every 2 seconds. On the plus side, no destroy object this time so forget what I said last mission about the repetitiveness.
Mission 5, was defiantly the best mission however sorry to say but you can’t use Rubber Band Man in the story arch at all because he’s a Trade Mark violation. You may not actually be aware of this because it’s clear you based this on SG members but he’s a DC Comics Trade Marked character. He even looks like the DC Character. And before you say it, no I’m not talking about Plastic Man, they have the same powers but both characters are part of DC Comics universe. http://www.worldsfinestonline.com/WF...bandman/00.gif
To end this on a more positive note. I like the use of my character’s name in the story arch. I haven’t actually figured out how to make that work. When I try typing in $target or $Playername it actually says that instead of replacing that text like it’s suppose to. And I like how everything came together in the last mission. It seemed like a bunch of random events at first and not a story at all but all came together when I fought the Mastermind.
Since the thread has come to a standstill, and I've never played one of Rial's arcs before, I decided to go ahead and grab the first one in his signature:
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Arc ID: 147916 Name: "1 of 6, Lord Imperial's Origin" Keywords: Custom Characters, Origin Story, Magic Length: Very Long Alignment: Neutral |
My review style: I will usually go through and give a mission by mission breakdown as I play the arc of things I like, don't like, have questions about and also keeping an eye out for simple errors such as spelling or things that don't seem to line up with what's currently going on. The down-side of this is things may seem a little cluttered, or I may repeat myself several times on a point in different places. Overall though, I feel doing it this way gives the most honest relation of my experiences and impressions during the arc. That being said, I'll get to it.
Pre-Arc
I'll be running this arc on a level 45 MA/Will Scrapper. I usually play her missions set with her being worth two heroes and for bosses to always appear as bosses. We'll see if she stays that way through the arc or not.
The Description has some grammatical and spelling errors (sence rather than since). I was debating if this is improper to do, but I have a corrected version here:
Quote:
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It's been a while since Lord Imperial first arrived on Primal Earth-- that was in November, 2004. His story doesn't start with him though. No, it starts with a stranger nearly four centuries ago on what is now called Sharkhead Island. |
Mission 1
Okay, opening lines from the contact are short and to the point- not a bad thing, necessarily. I'm seeing a recurring grammatical issue- counting numbers should be typed out (4 should be four, for example.)
So, as I ran forward, puzzling out why I was seeing Coralax and Pirates together, it occurred to me at level 15, I may not be so amazing as usual. The mob quickly confirmed this for me, sending me running in a few seconds. I think using these two NPC groups to create "The Flying Dutchman" is a neat idea. Reminds me a lot of Pirates 2. They're also pretty effective fighters- ouch.
Ah, that's better. As I recued the first Mysterious Citizen, I took the battle a bit more cautiously. They seem a pretty balanced mixed, not too crazy to fight. The Mysterious Citizen didn't seem to want to follow and aid me in the fight. I wasn't sure whether or not that was intended. Ah, and then I read his description. Confusion cleared!
Meeting The Stranger was a good breather, as he makes going through the mission much easier. In his Ally dialogue, check where it says "Perhaps you haven't hear..." Hear should be heard. And "Are you hideing too now?" Hideing should be hiding. I think grammar issues (mostly just comma placement) will be a common note for the rest of the arc- I won't harp on it anymore. I do suggest going through and trying to fix those though to give polish. Stranger is also lacking any sort of description. For that matter, The Flying Dutchman's crew still has their normal descriptions (including Davy Jones).
The Fight with Jones: Not too tough of a fight, especially with Stranger helping out. I wasn't sure if him having Assault Rifle was the best idea, or at least, for him to have Flame Thrower. Also, should he be able to bubble and fly? If he's a ghost like the Night Haunts, you should be able to make him appear like the Reflections do.
I was surprised that the Ancestor actually looked like me. I guess Doppleganger must have gotten added to the MA while I wasn't paying attention. That or it was just a really weird coincidence, heh.
The Contact's return text has a spelling issue as well: thoughs should be those.
Overall, the first mission is fun. A few grammar and spelling issues, but nothing major. Might want to make it clear that the Mysterious Citizens will not follow you, either by putting that in their dialogue or by changing them from an Ally to a Free A Captive.
Mission 2
Okay, a few more spelling and grammar issues in the contact's opening lines. The text is still short and to the point, but I am still kept interested in what's going on, which is good.
I was very glad to see The Stranger was put in the front of the mission so he could help me as I go through it. I was a little disappointed though to see he had nothing to say once I'd rescued him.
Davy Jones proved again to be a pretty good fight. I noticed the vapor on him this time and get that he's a ghost as well, but still beleive it couldn't hurt to give him the Reflection's transparency. I actually ended up fighting Jones before Jack because I am currently still looking for him. On Jack: there was no mention of him being a required mission goal in any sort of context, meaning there was no justification for me knowing to go after him. Either The Stranger or the Contact could have mentioned something.
Upon finding Jack, I was surprised to see that I now have to defeat my Ancestor. Curious, I went off to hunt for her in these tunnels. Is there perhaps a smaller map that can be used? There is a lot of back and forth happening while carting an NPC who seems slow on the uptake around with you. I elected to actually ditch the Stranger and learned that he also has no text for when that happens. Part of his problem I think is he intermittently swaps ammo types, even out of combat. For mechanic and thematic reasons, I suggest taking that power away from him.
WOAH! My ancestor has Kheldian and Ice powers? Where did those babies come from? In all seriousness, this was actually harder than fighting Jones. I ended up running back for the Stranger, smacking him around a bit, then forcing him to take aggro so something could actually get done in this fight. After all that, I exited the mission.
Thoughts on this mission: The use of the "once this is done, this objective appears" mechanic could maybe be cleaned up a bit, if only to give this mission some clearer directions and better sequencing. Maybe you should only have Rescue the Stranger and Defeat First Mate Jack up at first- keep the Ancestor set to happen after Jack, but then reveal the treasure after the Ancestor is gone, and then Jones arrives. Properly stagger your objectives to. Keep Stranger and Jack set to spawn in the front of the mission, have your Ancestor spawn in the middle, and keep Jones and the Treasure in the back. Lastly, consider picking a map that's a bit smaller or at least doesn't branch out so much. If Stranger is going to be using Swap Ammo every thirty seconds, that's way too much area to search and try to get him to keep up.
Mission Three
Ooh... Okay... Major fourth wall slap. You don't need to call attention to the fact that the arc is neutral and explain to us why that is. Or at least, not so directly. I've already justified it to myself why it's neutral. Either way, for whatever reason, my character wants to know more about Lord Imperial. Whether that is out of curiousity or to find a way to destroy him depends on my alignment. Also a slap, referring to the Circle as "CoT." We've turned from telling a story to using chatspeak. I'm starting to feel the Contact has no real voice. Try thinking of someone you know, someone who's informed and the way they talk. Write the dialogue as if that person was saying everything. Maybe a professor or teacher would work well here? That should help make this seem less like reading teamchat and more like reading a contact's dialogue.
I walk inside to find- green-skinned Legacy Chain? I became very concerned for a moment that my Graphics Card was somehow busted or my resolution was off, but my skin tint was fine. Which led me to the decision that this was a modified NPC group, not the Legacy Chain. If that is the case, I suggest they perhaps get their own NPC group name and descriptions.
Not sure if I like Shark Mage or not. Something just seems a little off here. Also, should Shark Mage know why I am there? How does he have that knowledge? Aren't I going back in time? How does he know we call our earth "Primal Earth?" Does he really care what world Imperial goes to? (I've gathered they're enemies at least, for whatever reason) I do like however that there are random patrols of Thorns wandering about- it gives the map a more alive feel, that they actually are on patrol for intruders. Kudos.
Watching Shark Mage fight gives me a little pause. So, he's Davy Jones, who is a ghost, but now calls himself Shark Mage, and still uses an assault rifle. Something isn't quite synching here with me. Perhaps Davy being Mage should be abandoned altogether? Or, better yet, if Davy really has shown himself how he truly is, maybe he should abandon the rifle and have a different primary that fits his new image? His abandonment message of "No we need him alive remember!" is also a tad confusing. I don't think I'm really getting enough context here, through the contact or the mission content, to understand really what's going on. Which brings me back to why on earth are there green-skinned Legacy Chain? O.o
Upon finding Imperial, I noticed he too has no description. Seeing as he is the focus of the arc, I found this somewhat disappointing.
I was surprised to see the CoT leader was me. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I did end up asking myself if there are actually CoT and Legacy Chain and whatever else in that dimension. Obviously, there must be.
Upon return to the contact, I am reminded the dialogue needs a little work.
Mission 4
I can forgive being told I'm about to have an easy mission, but I really do feel I need more context in this arc as to what is happening.
Upon entering the mission, I was given two impressions: One, that Imperial was fortunate enough to arrive in Atlas during a big, swanky event and Two: That the Circle of Thorns are from another dimension (which, canonically speaking, isn't true.) I proceeded to do some rescuing, and was disappointed by the lack of thank yous or even dialogue at all from some the captors or even the captured. Again, there's the use of the term CoT. "Imperial is me from Mythical Earth?" confused me. I wondered how on earth any of them had perceived that knowledge and had that exchange just like that. I also had an, "Oh hey!" moment when I came to the assumption that the contact is Neptune. This was a nice moment for me, because it finally gave me a link as to why the contact was telling me Imperial's story in the first place.
I next went to fight Akarist. I didn't realize how resilient he was until this fight and found it interesting how long it took myself and this full team of NPC allies to knock him down. He too had no text or justification for being there, which led me to believe he was placed simply because he was a Circle EB. Baphomet was much of the same (though much easier to kill). His only reason it seemed for being there was because he was an Elite Boss; no text or reason given.
I have nothing really to say about the return text. Looking back on the mission as a whole however, it's becoming clear that the lack of information given is really hurting my enjoyment of the arc as a whole. The more odd choices would be more easily understood if I wasn't left on my own to determine what is going on as much as I am. You have to remember that most people playing your arc have no clue who Imperial is or how he came to be. Things have to be explained in the proper time and to the proper extent so the player isn't left lost and confused. Creating questions is fine, but eventually there should be some answers.
Mission 5
On the opening text for this mission: The first sentence is a run-on, try breaking it up a bit. One question: if Imperial is just trying to head straight back to his home dimension, why did he bother getting a hero license just then? Don't feel limited by the way the game starts you off. This is your story. Don't let the way CoX tells your story rule your own take on things.
As I began the task of rescuing, well, everyone, I was very thankful you chose the same animation throughout the arc for the captives. It was an easy beacon for tracking them down. I was very confused by the Mythical Earth Counterpart's talk of not being able to fight me and reversing spells. I honestly have no clue what's going on there. I just know that for whatever reason, she is an ally this time against the Circle (which she is (was?) a part of). I have to say something about the lack of Ally text, that being that there is a reason for it. Your major ones are Ally Inactive, Ally Active, and the message they give for when they are abandoned/reacquired. The reason for this is it lets us know A) Where they are B) That we've killed the entire mob around them and freed them and C) That we've accidentally ditched them and need to turn back. Besides being a great way to add some life to your characters and expand your story, these are tools that help the player keep track of them. Since there are so many in your arc, this is a tool we really need.
Upon completing my rescues, I ran off to track down Akarist and Baphomet again, wondering once more why I have to fight them in particular. I was reminded that Akarist is the most resilient Elite Boss in the game and given no hints by him or anyone else as to why he is there. I had to take a pretty long trek back through the mission to find Baphomet, which would be fine if I were given a reason why I couldn't have kicked his sorry tail on the way in. If this choice was made because it was felt that in order to make the mission more solo-able, you should rescue all the allies first, let the player make that decision. If I thought I could take him alone no problem, I would. If I wanted to let the NPCs wipe the floor with him and sit back with popcorn, I would.
The return text was a plug for the sequel- which is good, interested players need to know there is a sequel so they can continue, but at the same time, we need something story related material in there as well. My suggestion is to have your contact wrap-up, mention that the story doesn't stop there, and then, perhaps in a different colored text, plug part 2.
Also, did Imperial go back to Mythical Earth? Or did something about the encounter at Portal Corp. make him stay? This could probably be explained somewhere in the mission (or be explained more clearly if it is already). I'm sure once we play the other arcs, we understand. But we really should know the answer to that question at the end of this part. Perhaps the contact could tell us that?
Final Thoughts
I think this arc has a lot of potential. Origin stories interest me, and despite the issues I had, I was still interested in where things were going to go next. Thematically, I liked that the further we got into things, the higher the mission levels got. That's something that I think could be used even more effectively in the story-telling.
Major things that need fixing are:
Grammar and spelling- Go back through your dialogue from the Contact, the Allies, the Enemies, all of them. See if you can't catch a few places you might have made some mistakes and tighten that up.
Fleshing out your story- We need more from everyone involved. The NPCs in the Flying Dutchman group should have names other than those they have as Coralax/Red Hands as well as their own descriptions. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, I just want to be able to see them as the Flying Dutchman crew without the reminder that it's really just Coralax and Red Hands. And give your own characters descriptions! If I click info on them, it's because I'm curious about who they are. Reward me for caring with a little background. None of these have to be extensive, just something that gives me some idea of why this character is in the story. And give me the story to. I like that we are there for the action of the origin, that's good. But we're not being given anything to set that action into context, not from the contact and not from the NPCs. Don't be afraid to let your Contact speak more. I promise he won't bore us.
The amount of NPCs- I don't mind the odd NPC here and there and enjoy placing a few in an arc myself sometimes. But when you have three, four, five of them, I can honestly just fly over what I want killed like some form of over-powered Mastermind and let them do all the work without fear of losing any of them. And that's even in my ramped up difficulty settings.
Things I enjoyed:
Mechanics- The use of completing one objective to open the next was a good choice, since in a mission we may need to see several things happen for that part of the story to come across. These do need tightening up however so as to prevent unmotivated back-tracking and a player accidentally doing things outside of the order you may have intended. I also liked that the Circle were patrolling and defending their own city. As I said above, it makes things feel more alive for me.
We were part of it- The fact that you allowed players to be a part of your origin story, not just spectators, was very nice. And I don't mean just the Dopplegangers, but as people who were actually moving things along. Thank you for that, it definitely made things more involved and is probably a large part of what kept my interest.
In-game, I gave this arc a Four. Here, I would say it is probably at about a 3.5 out of 5, but with the potential for a much better rating. Take a look at the things I suggested and see where you can make this (and the following arcs) a tighter, more enjoyable playing experience with the fleshed out story it deserves.
This is the arc I would like to offer up for critique:
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Arc ID: 475246 Keywords: Challenging, Custom Characters, Magic Length: Very Long (5 missions) First Published: 12/19/2010 Morality: Villainous Level Range: 40-54 Enemy Groups: Circle of Thorns, PPD, Council, Two Custom Groups Description: Blightlord is looking for aid in a new project. Do you have the skill necessary to get things done? |
Arc ID: 475246, "Bringing a Lord to Power"
"I'm only a simple man trying to cling to my tomorrow. Every day. By any means necessary."
-Caldwell B. Cladwell
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I should of realized his description was missing when I saw his power sets change back to an older version. I fixed the power change but forgot about the description. I lost allot of data when my computer crash and even though I had the files on back up they don't transfer well. I'll go back threw and rewrite all the descriptions when I get a chance.|
Originally Posted by Burning_Brawler_NA
Stranger is also lacking any sort of description.
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Quote:
| The Fight with Jones: Not too tough of a fight, especially with Stranger helping out. I wasn't sure if him having Assault Rifle was the best idea, or at least, for him to have Flame Thrower. Also, should he be able to bubble and fly? If he's a ghost like the Night Haunts, you should be able to make him appear like the Reflections do. |
Quote:
| I was surprised that the Ancestor actually looked like me. I guess Doppleganger must have gotten added to the MA while I wasn't paying attention. That or it was just a really weird coincidence, heh. |
Your Ancestor = Black and White + Random Power
Your Mythical Earth Counterpart = Inverted + Not telling for Spoiler reasons.
Doppleganger Demon = Demon + Shadow
Good Contiance = Angel
Bad Contiance = Demon
Praetorian Counterpart = Reverse
Flawed Clone = Random Power
And there's probably more, I've lost track of them at this point. lol
Quote:
| Overall, the first mission is fun. A few grammar and spelling issues, but nothing major. Might want to make it clear that the Mysterious Citizens will not follow you, either by putting that in their dialogue or by changing them from an Ally to a Free A Captive. |
On a side note any grammar problems with the Stranger, Capt. Jones, First Mate Jack, and the Mysterious Citizens were intentional. I wrote all their dialog with the grammar of the uneducated people of that time period. Remember back then only the wealthy people were ever educated. The poor and middle class, which is what these guys are, were never educated that well if at all. Hence the reason why they say "ye" instead of "you" and other things like that.
Anything outside of that is just because my own grammar isn't that good either. :P
Quote:
| Upon finding Jack, I was surprised to see that I now have to defeat my Ancestor. Curious, I went off to hunt for her in these tunnels. Is there perhaps a smaller map that can be used? There is a lot of back and forth happening while carting an NPC who seems slow on the uptake around with you. I elected to actually ditch the Stranger and learned that he also has no text for when that happens. Part of his problem I think is he intermittently swaps ammo types, even out of combat. For mechanic and thematic reasons, I suggest taking that power away from him. |
Quote:
| Thoughts on this mission: The use of the "once this is done, this objective appears" mechanic could maybe be cleaned up a bit, if only to give this mission some clearer directions and better sequencing. Maybe you should only have Rescue the Stranger and Defeat First Mate Jack up at first- keep the Ancestor set to happen after Jack, but then reveal the treasure after the Ancestor is gone, and then Jones arrives. Properly stagger your objectives to. Keep Stranger and Jack set to spawn in the front of the mission, have your Ancestor spawn in the middle, and keep Jones and the Treasure in the back. Lastly, consider picking a map that's a bit smaller or at least doesn't branch out so much. If Stranger is going to be using Swap Ammo every thirty seconds, that's way too much area to search and try to get him to keep up. |
As for your suggestion on changing the new objective triggers wouldn't that actually cause MORE running around?
Quote:
| Ooh... Okay... Major fourth wall slap. You don't need to call attention to the fact that the arc is neutral and explain to us why that is. Or at least, not so directly. I've already justified it to myself why it's neutral. Either way, for whatever reason, my character wants to know more about Lord Imperial. Whether that is out of curiousity or to find a way to destroy him depends on my alignment. Also a slap, referring to the Circle as "CoT." We've turned from telling a story to using chatspeak. I'm starting to feel the Contact has no real voice. Try thinking of someone you know, someone who's informed and the way they talk. Write the dialogue as if that person was saying everything. Maybe a professor or teacher would work well here? That should help make this seem less like reading teamchat and more like reading a contact's dialogue. |
Quote:
| I walk inside to find- green-skinned Legacy Chain? I became very concerned for a moment that my Graphics Card was somehow busted or my resolution was off, but my skin tint was fine. Which led me to the decision that this was a modified NPC group, not the Legacy Chain. If that is the case, I suggest they perhaps get their own NPC group name and descriptions. |
Quote:
| Not sure if I like Shark Mage or not. Something just seems a little off here. Also, should Shark Mage know why I am there? How does he have that knowledge? Aren't I going back in time? How does he know we call our earth "Primal Earth?" Does he really care what world Imperial goes to? (I've gathered they're enemies at least, for whatever reason) I do like however that there are random patrols of Thorns wandering about- it gives the map a more alive feel, that they actually are on patrol for intruders. Kudos. |
And about Shark Mage, I can't say too much about what his plans are because it's a major story point but he currently believes you to just be another CoT member and is just treating you as he would any other member. Note your Mythical Earth Counterpart is the CoT leader.Quote:
| Watching Shark Mage fight gives me a little pause. So, he's Davy Jones, who is a ghost, but now calls himself Shark Mage, and still uses an assault rifle. Something isn't quite synching here with me. Perhaps Davy being Mage should be abandoned altogether? Or, better yet, if Davy really has shown himself how he truly is, maybe he should abandon the rifle and have a different primary that fits his new image? His abandonment message of "No we need him alive remember!" is also a tad confusing. I don't think I'm really getting enough context here, through the contact or the mission content, to understand really what's going on. Which brings me back to why on earth are there green-skinned Legacy Chain? O.o |
Quote:
| Upon finding Imperial, I noticed he too has no description. Seeing as he is the focus of the arc, I found this somewhat disappointing. |
Quote:
| I can forgive being told I'm about to have an easy mission, but I really do feel I need more context in this arc as to what is happening. |
Quote:
| Upon entering the mission, I was given two impressions: One, that Imperial was fortunate enough to arrive in Atlas during a big, swanky event and Two: That the Circle of Thorns are from another dimension (which, canonically speaking, isn't true.) |
Quote:
| I proceeded to do some rescuing, and was disappointed by the lack of thank yous or even dialogue at all from some the captors or even the captured. Again, there's the use of the term CoT. "Imperial is me from Mythical Earth?" confused me. I wondered how on earth any of them had perceived that knowledge and had that exchange just like that. I also had an, "Oh hey!" moment when I came to the assumption that the contact is Neptune. This was a nice moment for me, because it finally gave me a link as to why the contact was telling me Imperial's story in the first place. |
Quote:
| I next went to fight Akarist. I didn't realize how resilient he was until this fight and found it interesting how long it took myself and this full team of NPC allies to knock him down. He too had no text or justification for being there, which led me to believe he was placed simply because he was a Circle EB. Baphomet was much of the same (though much easier to kill). His only reason it seemed for being there was because he was an Elite Boss; no text or reason given. |
Quote:
| Creating questions is fine, but eventually there should be some answers. |
Quote:
| One question: if Imperial is just trying to head straight back to his home dimension, why did he bother getting a hero license just then? Don't feel limited by the way the game starts you off. This is your story. Don't let the way CoX tells your story rule your own take on things. |
Quote:
| As I began the task of rescuing, well, everyone, I was very thankful you chose the same animation throughout the arc for the captives. It was an easy beacon for tracking them down. I was very confused by the Mythical Earth Counterpart's talk of not being able to fight me and reversing spells. I honestly have no clue what's going on there. I just know that for whatever reason, she is an ally this time against the Circle (which she is (was?) a part of). |
Quote:
| it was felt that in order to make the mission more solo-able |
Quote:
| The return text was a plug for the sequel- which is good, interested players need to know there is a sequel so they can continue, but at the same time, we need something story related material in there as well. My suggestion is to have your contact wrap-up, mention that the story doesn't stop there, and then, perhaps in a different colored text, plug part 2. |
Quote:
| Also, did Imperial go back to Mythical Earth? Or did something about the encounter at Portal Corp. make him stay? This could probably be explained somewhere in the mission (or be explained more clearly if it is already). I'm sure once we play the other arcs, we understand. But we really should know the answer to that question at the end of this part. Perhaps the contact could tell us that? |
Quote:
| Fleshing out your story- We need more from everyone involved. The NPCs in the Flying Dutchman group should have names other than those they have as Coralax/Red Hands as well as their own descriptions. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, I just want to be able to see them as the Flying Dutchman crew without the reminder that it's really just Coralax and Red Hands. And give your own characters descriptions! If I click info on them, it's because I'm curious about who they are. Reward me for caring with a little background. None of these have to be extensive, just something that gives me some idea of why this character is in the story. And give me the story to. I like that we are there for the action of the origin, that's good. But we're not being given anything to set that action into context, not from the contact and not from the NPCs. Don't be afraid to let your Contact speak more. I promise he won't bore us. |
I do want to fix the descriptions though, damn blue screen of death probably deleted them all and I didn't even realize it till you pointed out the descriptions were missing.Quote:
| The amount of NPCs- I don't mind the odd NPC here and there and enjoy placing a few in an arc myself sometimes. But when you have three, four, five of them, I can honestly just fly over what I want killed like some form of over-powered Mastermind and let them do all the work without fear of losing any of them. And that's even in my ramped up difficulty settings. |
Quote:
| Mechanics- The use of completing one objective to open the next was a good choice, since in a mission we may need to see several things happen for that part of the story to come across. These do need tightening up however so as to prevent unmotivated back-tracking and a player accidentally doing things outside of the order you may have intended. I also liked that the Circle were patrolling and defending their own city. As I said above, it makes things feel more alive for me. |
Quote:
| We were part of it- The fact that you allowed players to be a part of your origin story, not just spectators, was very nice. And I don't mean just the Dopplegangers, but as people who were actually moving things along. Thank you for that, it definitely made things more involved and is probably a large part of what kept my interest. |
Quote:
| This is the arc I would like to offer up for critique: |
Arc ID: 475246
Keywords: Challenging, Custom Characters, Magic
Length: Very Long (5 missions)
First Published: 12/19/2010
Morality: Villainous
Level Range: 40-54
Enemy Groups: Circle of Thorns, PPD, Council, Two Custom Groups
Description: Blightlord is looking for aid in a new project. Do you have the skill necessary to get things done?
Mission 1, seems like a fairly straight forward mission, go attack a boss but then an EB/Hero shows up for no apparently reason to attack me. First time I did this the EB killed me as soon as it spawned but this time around I actually managed to kill him. Not sure if this is because Im doing this at a higher level than I did the first time, because I was expecting him this time, or because he was toned down to be easier to solo.
On a second note I had to rerun this because I lost connection in the middle of mission 4 and the EB didnt show up this time around?
Mission 2, another defeat boss. I did this when she was an EB and that was impossible solo. This mission was much easier but Skyway City is a bit difficult to navigate because of the multiple levels. If this must be an outdoor mission I would suggest something with a single level to it so enemies cant hide under bridges and stuff. The mission text claims I should know this boss Im defeating but I have know idea who this family of heroes is.
Mission 3, Was glad to see a helper in the mission till I realized it wasnt needed. Maybe if the end boss was an Elite then it would of made a difference. The helper reminded me of the Grave Knights and had very simple dialog which works for a zombie character like that but when he said Go now! I thought he was going to kill me.
On a second note, first time running threw this mission I didnt notice there were suppose to be 2 allies and I only found one. The navigation doesnt even show either of them at all which is a little odd when the send off dialog makes it seem like it should be a requirement for completion.
Mission 4, again doesnt have any text for the allies on the nav and I hate to say it but follow your own advice. You said in the review of my arch that I needed dialog for when the NPC got lost but I noticed you didnt even include it in your own arch. Its good advice but follow it before you give it. Also mission text kinda contradicts saying that the other members of the group arent in the base but then says they are right after that. The bit about being off working on their own schemes should be removed or at least made more clear that there might be some members still at the base while others are out. The way its worded now kinda looks like an all but 1 out followed by an all in.
Mission 5, I dont have any simple words to describe this mission. I defeated countless Adamaster clones during the mission though Im not sure why. I noticed and greatly appreciated the different designs of the Grave Knights. Its obvious this group was based on the Zombie Mastermind pets. I do however wish this group was flushed out a little better by adding in the Soul Extraction versions of each of the pets or if the zombies were as well designed as the Grave Knights. Maybe even adding in the minion Banished Pantheon zombies so Adamaster doesnt stick out as much as being the only one. The zombies that are there are well designed I just wish there were more of them so Im not killing the same minion over and over again.
The one major flaw I have with this arch is I dont get what the first two missions have to do with any of this and the last mission Im lost on why Im suddenly fighting against the guys I was helping for the last two missions. Again I have to say follow your own advice. My stories are a bit unclear intentionally because it stretched across multiple story archs but there were a lot of things about this story that werent clear even after going back and rereading everything. I get that the second mission was a distraction but sense you were scheming against your own group I dont get why it was needed in the first place.
Alright - in the last couple of pages the structure of this thread has broken down.
That doesn't matter much, since the last post was... last year.
But let's see if I can engage in a little thread necromancy and bring this baby back to life.
Here's a template:
BEGIN TEMPLATE
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I am reviewing the following arc:
Title:
Author Global:
Arc ID:
Keywords:
Length:
First Published:
Morality:
Enemy Groups:
Estimated time required:
Description:
Constructive Criticism
Missions 1:
Positive Feedback:
Negative Feedback:
Mission 2:
Positive Feedback:
Negative Feedback:
Mission 3:
Positive Feedback:
Negative Feedback:
Mission 4:
Positive Feedback:
Negative Feedback:
Conclusions/General Impressions/Final Suggestions:
I would like to submit the following arc for review by the next poster:
Title:
Author Global:
Arc ID:
Keywords:
Length:
First Published:
Morality:
Enemy Groups:
Estimated time required:
Description:
----
END TEMPLATE
Let's review for clarity's sake:
If you post in this thread, you should:
1. Review someone else's arc in that post.
AND (note: AND, not OR)
2. Post an arc of your own to be reviewed.
These two things should happen in the same post.
FAQ:
What if I've already posted reviews in this thread, but didn't ask for my arc to be reviewed?
Doesn't matter. A review and a request need to happen in the same post. You should review the arc posted right before your post, and the person right after you should review your arc. We're not going to sit here and dig back through the last ten pages of the thread to see whether you pulled your weight or not. We're just going to skip you and review someone who can follow rules.
What if I post an arc without posting a review in the same post?
I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm going to skip back until I can find someone who knows the rules. If you can't follow the basic rules of the thread, I have low hopes for your ability to craft or review arcs.
What if I just want to review someone else's arc without posting one of my own?
That's not what we're doing here. Go to a different thread and review someone else's arc, or start an arc review thread up.
What if I don't want to review an arc?
Then don't ask anyone to review one of yours.
Aren't you technically breaking the rules by making this post without posting an arc review and an arc to be reviewed?
Yes. I'm a hypocrite. Good for you.
Everything I said is still true.
My debut arc: "Nothing to Worry About Nothing to Worry About [SFMA][HLMA][CFMA][HGMA] ID # 500325
My second arc: An Epic Tale: Clown Capers ID # 501562 Arc Forum Thread (Feedback/Reviews/Constructive Criticism Welcome)
Went back looking for the most recent person to follow the thread rules.
First choice: Krusaders Adventures by Todogut. Arc ID 475115. Tried to get started - got an MADoorInvalid error.
Second Choice:
Title: SuperJuice
Author: @FlamingFlea
Arc ID: 433692
Keywords: Solo Friendly, Canon Related
Length: Long (3 missions)
First Published: 7/26/2010 3:13 PM
Morality: Hero
Enemy Groups: Hellions
Description: Hoping to capitalize on the defenselessness a mere mortal can feel in this super powered city, Crey has developed a serum which the company promises will endow anyone with a variety of super powers, but when they send a gang ridden area samples of the serum, side effects may occur. [LBMA]
Constructive Criticism
Introduction:
The arc description should say "side effects may occur" (I've corrected it above), but in-game it says "side effect may occur".
I ran this arc with a level 14 illusion/radiation controller and my difficulty set to +0 x0. I also had a level 50 PB (exemped down) (@AIB) and a level 12 scrapper on the team.
Here's a photo oof myself and the PB (@AIB) hanging out with good ol' Fred. Our scrapper crashed and didn't get to be in the photo.
Mission 1:
Mission requirements were to find Fred, recover the superjuice, and save some hostages.
Positive Feedback: I like the feel of this arc. Flea has done some work to put some snappy colors into the text, the title "Side Effects May Occur" is nice, I like the name 'Butane', and I like the fact that I've been asked to attend a meeting of the local neighborhood watch. Little subtle touches like this set this arc apart from the stereotypical and transparent, "There's a problem and we need you to solve it!" arcs.
There are also little points of humor throughout the arc - the mission entry text in the first mission is an example.
Fred McNeil is credible as a neighborhood watch member who has taken super serum, and had a nicely written personality.
Negative Feedback:
Fred McNeil's description is incomplete - it ends halfway through the word 'years'.
Why are the hellions having a boombox party as they're trying to raid the neighborhood watch for superjuice? Seems like they'd want to get the serum and get out - as humorous as a boombox party might be.
Mission 2:
Objectives are to defeat Butane's lackey and get the superjuice.
Positive Feedback:
Again, I really like little touches.. Butane's lacky makes a humorous comment as I find him, and his cell phone is comedy gold.
Flea finds a clever way to create a back-and-forth dialog in the lead in to mission text, using the accept mission dialog as an opportunity for your character to elicit a response from Fred. It works, and it creates a good dialog in this mission.
Negative Feedback:
In the contact response, there is a typo. 'You're' should be 'your'... as in 'Don't your other contacts ever come with you?'
Return text:
"I was just overcome power" should be something else. Wasn't sure what was supposed to be here: "I was just overcome with power"?
"My powers are gone, but I won't be picking any more fights" looks weird. Should 'but' be 'and' instead? Or should it be, "but I won't avoid picking more fights if I need to?" Not sure.
Mission 3:
Positive Feedback:
Well chosen map - condemned building look was nice and appropriate. Quite suitable for hellions, and made a good environment.
Negative Feedback:
The demolition angle was just an obvious and thinly veiled excuse to put in a mission timer - there is no reason why Butane would wait around until the moment the building is demolished to pack up and leave - and the timer didn't make the mission a challenge at all, as we finished with something like 25 minutes remaining on the timer. This might be more of a flaw of timed missions than of this mission in particular, but there you have it. I think the timer in this level should be done away with, along with talk of the demolition - it's unnecessary here.
A custom skin for Butane would have been nice. He's just another Hellion.
Conclusions/General Impressions/Final Suggestions:
I wish I had more constructive criticism to offer, but to be frank the Arc was great. Really well written, clever humor (but not overdone), and just the right length.
I'd do away with the dancing hellions in the first mission and the timer in the last mission.
I'd think about a custom skin for Butane.
The only other criticism I have to offer is that it was just hellions all the way through - including Butane. It would have been nice to see one or two custom mobs besides Fred here or there - for example, Butane and his lackey.
Four stars. (Better than 80% of the arcs out there.) Nice work.
I would like to submit the following arc for review by the next poster:
Arc Name: Nothing to Worry About [SFMA][HLMA][CFMA][HGMA]
Arc ID: 500325
Faction: Custom
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Apolinus
Difficulty Level: Moderate to high. Soloable.
Synopsis:
The Freedom Phalanx needs your help investigating a meteor strike in Atlas Park. Your investigation turns up a lot more than anyone bargained for, and soon the entire dimension of primal earth is at stake.
Estimated Time to Play: <1 hour (4 missions)
My debut arc: "Nothing to Worry About Nothing to Worry About [SFMA][HLMA][CFMA][HGMA] ID # 500325
My second arc: An Epic Tale: Clown Capers ID # 501562 Arc Forum Thread (Feedback/Reviews/Constructive Criticism Welcome)
I am reviewing the following arc:
Title: Nothing to Worry About [SFMA][HLMA][CFMA][HGMA]
Author Global: @Apolinus
Arc ID: 500325
Keywords: Challenging, Save the World, Custom Characters
Length: 4 missions
First Published: 5/21/2011 08:19PM
Morality: Heroic
Enemy Groups: Custom
Estimated time required: 60-90 minutes (4 missions)
Description: The Freedom Phalanx needs your help investigating a meteor strike in Atlas Park. Your investigation turns up a lot more than anyone bargained for, and soon the entire dimension of primal earth is at stake.
Constructive Criticism
Mission 1:
Positive Feedback: Excellent choice of map, very well-realized custom characters for the Impact faction and the info for each was carefully written and compelling.
Negative Feedback: There is a rather large number of objectives, nine in all, which did make it feel a bit cluttered, but given that the map is small and contained, this is really a minor complaint and probably a non-issue if the arc were to be run by a team rather than solo as I did.
Mission 2:
Positive Feedback: Customs are again very impressively realized, and the info on the Invaders combined with their appearance is genuinely creepy. The backstory, especially the tie-in with Portal Corps, is impressive.
Negative Feedback: Info on the portal central computer (object to be defended) says "This computerr must be destroyed"
Mission 3:
Positive Feedback: Oblivion Mystics faction were again well-handled and I enjoyed the deliberate vagueness of their backstory.
Negative Feedback: Message "The empowerment glyphs have been destroyed - now to put an end to the ceremony" appears three times, after each glyph destroyed.
Mission 4:
Positive Feedback: Epic stakes, I like the Freedom Phalanx as backup bit, and the doppleganger initial battle is a nice touch, with just the right mix of wow and uh-oh to give the situation gravity.
Negative Feedback: Void Titans are very tough in numbers, but since I only encountered them after I'd won the final battle I think this is more a challenge than a problem. I played this arc solo and aside from a near-miss with the computer did fairly well - challenging but without being overwhelming. All except the Void Titans, who squashed me flat.
Conclusions/General Impressions/Final Suggestions:
I very much enjoyed the variations on the theme of nothingness/void as a threat and I felt that all of the custom characters were well-realized, the Empty particularly so. The doppelganger was a nice way to change up the final fight a bit, and the souvenir is well-worded and the summation narrative is good.
There are a few typos in the Souvenir - one in the 5th paragraph where there is a 'y' dropped from 'ceremony' in the last sentence and another in the 6th paragraph where you have 'in unleashed its true form', should be 'it unleashed its true form'.
I'd also noted that you have some repetitive phrasing in the souvenir which I would recommend changing up a bit, specifically these bits: "...you were forced to descend into the bowels of the earth to fight the monster and prevent it from consuming the earth" (minor, repeated mention of 'the earth' in same sentence) and the more major example being "Initially, it took your shape to give itself form - but after the initial battle, in unleashed its true form - a twisted..." (double use of the word 'initial/initially').
Rating: 5/5. Excellent arc overall. Great evocation of atmosphere.
I would like to submit the following arc for review by the next poster:
Title: The Mechanical Menace
Author Global: @Justaris
Arc ID: 510129
Keywords: Challenging, Non-Canon, Sci-Fi
Length: 4 missions
First Published: 7/20/2011
Morality: Heroic
Enemy Groups: Custom
Difficulty Level: High
Estimated time required: 1-2 hours
Description: A few months after the appearance of dozens of robotic Tin Mages in Paragon City, robot thieves storm the city stealing high-tech equipment. Tin Mage Mk. V, leader of the Tin Mage Corps, maintains the innocence of the Tin Mages, but he needs your help to prove it. While this arc is open to any level range, it includes difficult custom enemies and an AV in the final mission, so higher-level and/or larger groups are recommended.
Additional Notes: This arc was conceived in part to show off my SG. the Tin Mage Corps, and to have some fun while doing so. I wanted the foes to be challenging, but not to the point of being unfun. This is the primary area in which I want feedback - which foes are too tough or not tough enough and any advice on changing things up. Of course, any and all feedback is more than welcome. Thanks in advance!
Iscariot's Guide to the Tri-Form Warshade, version 2.1
I'm sorry that math > your paranoid delusions, but them's the breaks -- Nethergoat
P.E.R.C. Rep for Liberty server
Hey all,
I wrote this story arc way back when MA came out. It's only had like 10 people try it though it has 4 stars. Just curious what you all think. I ran through it today caught some typos. I think it's in pretty much finished form.
"The Black Theorem"
Arc ID: 3608
Length: Very Long
Hero 40-54
Missions: 5
Genre: Canon-i guess.
Justice is my Home!
Check out Mathematicians gone wonky in The Black Theorem (Arc 3608)!
And here I was looking forward to reading some criticism of my arc.
Iscariot's Guide to the Tri-Form Warshade, version 2.1
I'm sorry that math > your paranoid delusions, but them's the breaks -- Nethergoat
P.E.R.C. Rep for Liberty server
I read the rules after posting. So I will play your arc this weekend and post here.
Justice is my Home!
Check out Mathematicians gone wonky in The Black Theorem (Arc 3608)!
I'm reviewing:
Title: The Mechanical Menace
Author Global: @Justaris
Arc ID: 510129
Keywords: Challenging, Non-Canon, Sci-Fi
Length: 4 missions
First Published: 7/20/2011
Morality: Heroic
Enemy Groups: Custom
Difficulty Level: High
Estimated time required: 1-2 hours
Description: A few months after the appearance of dozens of robotic Tin Mages in Paragon City, robot thieves storm the city stealing high-tech equipment. Tin Mage Mk. V, leader of the Tin Mage Corps, maintains the innocence of the Tin Mages, but he needs your help to prove it. While this arc is open to any level range, it includes difficult custom enemies and an AV in the final mission, so higher-level and/or larger groups are recommended.
Mission 1: This was straight forward get the glowies mish.
Positive Feedback: All the custom enemies have computer/tech related names. Corrupted File. Fragmented, Cutting Edge, PEBKAC (i admit i don't know this stands for), etc.
Negative Feedback: No one said anything. So the enemies just seemed to be there guarding the glowies but were not connected to the story. Add some flavor text to the mission. This will invest your custom enemy group into the story line better. Maybe add an optional boss fight, perhaps a generic boss who is leading the raid to steal the tech.
Mission 2: Rescue 3 Hostages.
Positive Feedback: Again, more tech related villain names, all except Exsanguinator. I probably should complain that this does not match the theme, but Exsanguinator is too awesome of a name . Another great name was Spam Knight...I almost quit to make a toon called that. I lol'ed when one of the hostage bots said "I am not the droid you are looking for" to his captors. Classic! We meet and defeat Firewall. Firewall helps advance the story by introducing the real villain of the story arc, The Menace.
Negative Feedback: The Exsanguinator, I guess.
Mission 3: Secure the database at the Tin Mage Corps Base to learn about The Menace.
Positive Feedback: Nice, more classic Star Wars quotes. Backgrounds on the Tin Mages were good. It made them more than bots.
Negative Feedback: There are several in-process battles between the Tin Mages and the invading bots. However, unless you see one in process you don't know they are going on. Add some flavor text to the battles to create more immersion.
Mission 4: You and Tin Mage V take down the Menace.
Positive Feedback: The AV/EB was challenging. I fought an EB since I was solo on my blaster. I had to use all my Incarnate powers to survive and win. But no deaths. Thrilling! It may have been easier if I had not superspeeded away from the helper npc, Tin Mage V. The second time I ran this arc was with a level 25 brute. I died. The EB/AV is a MM who drops all six MM pets and I believe there were two ambushes during the battle. I was completely overwhelmed. The second attempt on my brute I brought a whole tray of purples and that seemed to do the trick. The last fight is challenging. I think maybe too challenging for non-Incarnate level 50 squishy.
Negative Feedback: The map chosen was hazy with smoke making it a little tough to find the 6 glowies. You could replace the glowies with a brighter ones that are easier to see, but I would not do that since the glowies matched the story perfectly. Maybe speed up the glowie complete bar.
Conclusion
I thought this was a very enjoyable story arc. The custom enemies were challenging but did not seem overwhelming, except possibly the final EB/AV fight. However, with a full team this may not be an issue. I also liked the connection to the game canon as well as the expansion off of it into a player created SG.
Overall: 5/5. Enjoyable. Easy to finish in around 90 minutes.
Ok, now my arc. I wrote this story arc way back when MA came out. It's only had like 10 people try it though it has 4 stars. Just curious what you all think. I ran through it today caught some typos. I think it's in pretty much finished form.
"The Black Theorem"
Arc ID: 3608
Length: Very Long
Hero 40-54
Missions: 5
Genre: Canon-i guess.
Justice is my Home!
Check out Mathematicians gone wonky in The Black Theorem (Arc 3608)!
Alright, I've got an arc that's actually part of an ongoing story I'm doing over on Virtue, so far I've been getting rave reviews:
Title: The Directive (Chapter 1, 2, and 3)
Author Global: @Issen1
Arc ID: (Don't have them on me right now)
Keywords: Ideal for Teams, Challenging, Custom Characters
Length: Between 4-5 missions per part
Morality: Heroic
Enemy Groups: Custom
Difficulty Level: High (It's for teams, preferably full teams!)
Estimated Length: Between 2-3 hours for the entire series
Description: This ongoing story-arc details the rise of a new organization lurking in Paragon, discovered accidentally by one man's contact from his younger years working as a CIA agent. Now this sinister group has it's eyes set on Paragon's finest as they work to keep themselves and their goals hidden from the eyes of the law.
Notes:
- This Arc is meant to be run with a team, the bigger the better.
- Arcs are level-tiered to give a sense of progression. It was done this way based on the levels that I played this arc at when I first made them.
- Read the briefings and the clues! Much of the story is in the clues and dialog, so be sure to read it!
Give me your feedback!
Be sure to read the rules to get the feedback.
Justice is my Home!
Check out Mathematicians gone wonky in The Black Theorem (Arc 3608)!
ARCHITECT ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS:
The Fall and Rise of Athanatos
ID: 521712
Looking for feedback & ratings
Synopsis
The battle of Heaven and Hell never sleeps. It has no beginning. It has no end. The clash of Angels and Demons is an unstable balance both sides fight violently to hold. And When Helena, Lieutenant Commander of Heaven's Army, asks you to ascend to Heaven as mortals in the flesh to fight among both combatants and help General Athanatos, you are more than willing to accept. However, it'll start a chain reaction of events that will take you from Heaven to Hell and from now and 2000 years ago. Find out if Athanatos is who he says he is. Do what is necessary.
I put a lot into the story, so please read it. I did what I could with popup dialogues and windows to help teammates follow along with the story since only the leader has access to the contact.
Enjoy! Rate! Tell others!
Oh. And take a friend or 2 with you. Several AVs/EBs. Not all at once tho, so if you want to solo them, it is possible.
Please Rate! Thx!
AKA: Ath BS/SD Brute (Hero)
"The Fall and Rise of Athanatos" Arc ID: 521712
Outcast Cooler - "Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."
Arc Name: The Praetorian Conflict II: Galactic Convergence
Arc ID: 531887
Morality: Heroic
Faction: Freedom Phalanx, Praetorian Clockwork, Devouring Earth, Longbow, Vanguard, Rikti, RuLaruu,
Custom Faction: Terran Military Authority (TMA), Paragon Protectors SG, Praetorians, Arcosians (based on CoX lore)
Creator Global/Forum Name: @DeathSentry / DeathSentry
Level Range: 41-54
Difficulty Level: Medium - Hard, though possible to solo if using your allies
Synopsis: With the continual Praetorian incursions into Primal Earth, and the recent invasion of the Shivans, the Freedom Phalanx are stretched thin in trying to protect Paragon City and so have reached out to local supergroups for assistance. However, members of both groups have gone missing while investigating recent Arachnid attacks. And to make matters worse, Numina has detected extraterrestrial signals of an ancient origin, could they be friend or yet another foe for our heroes to battle? Also, how are they related to the imminent Coming Storm? And will the interpersonal conflicts for control between the TMA, Freedom Phalanx, and Paragon Protectors doom Earth to failure?
Mission 1: Contains two Arch-Villains, and a group of Elite Bosses
Mission 2: Contains two Arch-Villains, and a group of Elite Bosses, a group of Giant Monsters
Mission 3: Contains three Arch-Villains, and a group of Elite Bosses, and a Giant Monster
Estimated Time to Play: 1-1.5 hours
Notes:
Players will have optional allies including healers, namely the Paragon Protector called DarkLight so she should be contacted first in each mission. Also, for the outdoor maps, because of location limitations, allies initially are using the casting animations to make it easier to find them (as well as the enemies, etc). In addition, while the mission contains challenging enemies, if using your allies, they can be defeated (also in Mission 2, as you encounter monsters, be sure to steer them towards ally groups)
Looking for feedback on if the missions are too challenging; also please review the story text itself as well as back stories for the heroes and villains to help add context to the missions.
Links: The link for this arc is located at: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list...ature=view_all
And finally, note the link below for the The rPraetorian Conflict part 1 arc and associated Youtube video in the signature;
Arc: 378122 "Tales of the Terran Space Marines -The Apocalypse Initiative" 5stars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rgl4...687B0FC89F142C
Arc: 481545 "Twilight of the Gods - The Praetorian conflict"8000+ hits!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxJ6S...848B21E2350DCC
Need someone to review my arc:
Tales of the Terran Space Marines - Eternity's Edge: The Avatar Saga
Arc # 360243
Morality: Neutral
Factions: Standard - Storm Elementals, Soldiers of Rularuu, Longbow
Custom: Terran Military...
Will review yours as well..thank you! (will be important to read the text of as its a story-based arc)
Arc: 378122 "Tales of the Terran Space Marines -The Apocalypse Initiative" 5stars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rgl4...687B0FC89F142C
Arc: 481545 "Twilight of the Gods - The Praetorian conflict"8000+ hits!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxJ6S...848B21E2350DCC