I can't log in because I just start crying.

That's it in a nutshell, basically. I get to the character select screen and start crying. It's ridiculous. I'm 42. Even reading the forums breaks my heart.

Best computer game ever made.

Eco

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow [The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."

Sometimes I worry about my increasingly apathetic stoicism, but during times like this I'm kind of glad for it.

Roll a new alt, and think of them not as your 'last' alt, but your 'next' alt.

I went back into the game with the mindset of this being the final farewell tour, and tried to rush around (mostly on Test as I'm not currently VIP) trying to see the things I hadn't seen. But it didn't work - it was so much not my typical playstyle that it was a constant reminder of the impending shutdown, and very demoralising.

So I said to hell with it, and went back to the live servers, and jumped around on those of my characters I have unlocked, doing new story arcs, old story arcs or just messing about when the mood took me.

I've even found myself making notes of new character names and concepts for... later...

Maybe it's denial (alright, there's little 'maybe' about it) and if we're still in this position at the start of November perhaps I'll look at it differently, but for now I'd say just play as you always would. There'll be time enough to dwell on the worst case scenario later on...

42. And I had that happen to me the first long weekend, when the grief was still fresh; logged in on Sunday, intending to take more screenshots, and... no.

The pain has eased a bit since. I've exported all of my characters and been working on my list of zones to screenshot and demorecord, one or two a day. But I haven't done much if any actual playing. I may do that this weekend; I have one new alt that's not 50, and had figured on just leaving him there, but now that double xp's been turned on, might as well be tidy, eh?

Whatever you are feeling, at any given moment, I promise you: you are not alone.

Watched another Unity Rally video earlier and it punched me in the gut. I've logged in every evening since the news broke; but I found it really hard to log in last night and tonight. When I did log in last night, I stood on a ledge overlooking the city and stewing: many of my friends have been scarce around Paragon City this week. I've had to explain to some of them that I'm not installing other MMOs on my computer right now. I've had to hold my ground against some surprisingly disparaging remarks about my choice to stick around, delivered by people I had looked forward to playing with till sunset. It's frustrating.

I guess there are also a few thousand others out there who still like it here, too. Not the worst consolation. But I wouldn't enjoy going out of this game the way I came in, a total stranger. My last sunset, in Earth and Beyond, we were all there till the end, having a blast. Different era, I guess!

Eventually, I flew down off my ledge, and made two new friends, who both had recognized me from our forums (this magically starts happening after 1,000 posts). A lone hero, soloing his missions, and a torchholder who wasn't AFK, who had coincidentally encouraged me here on the forums to mail my open letter to NCSoft, handwritten.

So, yeah. Moral of the story? You can jump off a ledge in Paragon City, not die, and meet super heroes. #SaveCoH

I personally don't start crying (it isn't in my nature), but playing the game has similarly become uncomfortable. Every time I log in, I know I'm playing with a death clock ticking loud over my head, and it just ruins the "magic" I came to the game for. It's actually like a cancer-sufferer from a House MD episode, saying she didn't want to watch a movie trailer and wonder if she'll live to see the actual movie. Same deal here.

When it comes to wondering... OK, if I play like this, will I ever got this character to that level to gain these powers? Oh, damn, and I so wanted the recoloured Celestial armour. And wouldn't it be cool if there were more Incarnate content that's no raids? Oh, set Inventions builds? **** that, I never liked that stuff, I don't feel like messing with it... But I don't want to get murdered in Dark Astoria...

Yeah, when it comes to wondering that, it just sucks all the fun out of the game, and I start feeling bad for logging in, like I'm refusing to accept the situation. As I've said elsewhere, I'll provide any support I can to the game, the community and the developers, but the actual game is too uncomfortable to play at this point.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcanaville Samuel_Tow is the only poster that makes me want to punch him in the head more often when I'm agreeing with him than when I'm disagreeing with him.

And what is even more sad is when my 3 year old son begs to play superhero and we log him in to the game. Then both my wife and I start to to sob together watching him take out the baddies with the toons he himself created (except for writing the name which he hasn't mastered yet), and he turns around and try tries to comfort us.

For what it's worth, it really helped me to sit down and really think about why it stung so much to hear the game was going to end. Of course, there are a lot of reasons to really like this game, its community, etc., but I was able to distill it down to a few that were really the top reasons for me.

Just knowing the game was ending at a future time was more ... abstract somehow - it was this thing that sucked when I thought about it, but it was almost like I was avoiding thinking about why that was specifically so. Focusing my attention on the particulars was more painful and yet gave a sense of release. I don't know how to explain it - it both hurt more and felt better at the same time.

The other thing that felt better was to share those particulars with friends and loved ones. Explaining to someone else why losing CoH was painful helped me achieve the focus I describe above, and telling it a few times helped me really work it out of my system.

I don't know if those same things will help other people, but it did help me.

I'm still playing because my biggest focus is on my favorite characters, and I want to achieve all the things I can with them before the lights go out. I also want to play with and support the play of my in-game friends who feel similarly to me. Also, I'm stubborn.

I do want to go on about Inventions some more, because it is kind of relevant.

I've made my dislike of the whole Inventions system painfully well-known, to the point where people are probably sick of me bringing it up. Recently, I finally conceded to Sets and started working on set-centric builds. It was never, not for a single moment, fun... But at least it made my characters solid for Dark Astoria, so I saw it as a price to pay. Spend all this time in unpleasant busywork, but it's OK because it's an investment for the future.

Well, now the game has no future, so there's no point to invest in it. And you know what? I actually want to play the game MORE now that that's the case. No end-game, no grind, no repetition, no need for a strong build. All of a sudden, there's nothing to strive for and I'm free to do what I always god damn wanted to begin with - log into the game, kill stuff and not worry about the meta-game.

I know it's probably counter-productive of me to say these things... Probably a little depressing, as well, but right now, my policy is "screw your efficiency, ima take this axe to that demon's Johnson and go from there."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arcanaville Samuel_Tow is the only poster that makes me want to punch him in the head more often when I'm agreeing with him than when I'm disagreeing with him.

FWIW, I don't really think it's counter productive to mention that. At this point, I think the most sensible way for everyone to play the game it in the time left is to focus on what they enjoy the most about it. Clearly, you highly prioritize the "combat on cruise control" aspect of the game, so it makes sense for you to just really focus on that. In contrast, I have long been goal driven, so I'm striving for achieving those goals I hadn't reached yet. Neither of what clicks for you and I respectively might not work for someone else.

There's nothing wrong with being emotional about something that you love.

I ran through all the DA arcs solo at x8 on BZB v2 over the last two nights. Unlocked all my characters. Ran some lowbies around. Looks like I'm going to get as much playtime in as possible before the end as one last dive into the abyss.

Went through a similar situation when I knew the end was nigh for my mastiff, Bella. What could I do but love on her as much as possible before having to let her go? I certainly wasn't going to ignore her.

I agree with everyone. It has been difficult. I do the same thing, I log in....I cherish the moment....I take screenshots.....I want to play, but it's sad.

I feel like these characters me and my wife put so many countless hours into.....they're like pets of some sort....but even more than that, because they are our creations. With thought and story put into them.

Yet there they are, stuck in this game.....that I want to reach into the monitor and pull them out to help them escape. But I can't.

It's all very surreal. And it is sad. I feel everyone's pain.