Real Life Zombie!?!?

don't forget the machetes...

There's a word for those who use machetes on zombies...

Food.

what's that?




edit: huh? somehow, i missed the word food there. but i disagree, i think machetes make the perfect zombie fighting weapon. they are light weight, sharp enough to clear jungle under brush, and readily available. since the news report from miami i have been stocking up on them, and though my neighbors weren't actual zombies (thought i could use a bit of practice), they worked just fine. remember, you don't have to kill that zombie with one hit, just immobilize him, take a leg off, then you can kill him at your leisure. i sure hope the zombies don't make the racket that my neighbors did, i forgot to stock up on ear plugs.

Jungle under brush is not really a "big" thing in the majority of the U.S., so not really a concern. Though granted in the swampy areas of the south they may come in handy to an extent, but unless you know how to survive in a swamp, probably not your safest place as there are also wild animals to contend with.

Machetes, in terms of zombie fighting, are not that useful. They dull, they can get stuck in limbs/heads, and they are pretty much a uni-tasker item. There is no immobilizing a zombie, short of severing the spinal column at the neck or using restraints. Everything else, they will keep coming. Plus, you have the inevitable zombie calls, namely the longer the zombie is 'alive' the more moans he'll be emitting to draw in other zombies.

A much better close combat weapon is the ever present crowbar. Doesn't need to be sharpened, is a bludgeoning weapon (but can also be a spearing weapon) so a negligible chance of becoming stuck, and can also be used to open doors, bar said doors, open manholes, other survivors might not see it as an actual weapon so less of a chance of being taken for a threatening figure.

Firearms: make noise. Noise means attracting dead folk. If you can get them from a distance and have a secured base plus the means to reload, you'll stand a chance.

Bow weapons: unless you've had a lot of practice, you probably aren't going to be headshotting them. Plus, limited ammunition and unless you're up against singles, you probably won't be getting the arrow back. Darryl's crossbow seems to be the exception, just make sure you aren't using zombie-bolts for animal hunting.

Heavy artillery: noise plus weight

Incendiaries: useless as it takes time to cook the brain. Time in which that zombie can spread the fire. And with no fire department to put it out... However, good for dealing with re-deaded corpses.

Explosives: chance of blowing yourself up plus unless you manage to take out the head, that zombie will still be alive

Corrosives: take time to work, danger to the user, etc.


Waiting it out...one of the expected things is that animals avoid the zombies as well as there being a preservative effect of whatever is reanimating them. However, as the zombies cannot heal, one could, in theory, wait for them to fall apart from all the little bumps and scrapes that we get every day but fail to notice since we can heal them. They can't. Those bumps and scrapes add up on an entity that cannot regenerate.

No, faces are all the Rage...

(Edit: Yes, that was a 28 Days Later reference)

Silencers and suppressors... better break out your copies of the "Anarchist's Cookbook" and "The Poor Man's James Bond"

Then get your practice in now! Plus ammo could be just a tree or shrub away (tribes have been utilizing low tech bow weaponry for centuries)

Heavy artillery is a pretty broad term and most of it would probably be in government hands. Sure, a Tomahawk may be cumbersome to carry around but the USS Whatever that's going to be tossing it around may not agree with you.

Mounted M-60s and .50s; tanks, fighters and bombers. I don't plan on carrying those around either.


Siege defense tactics... just like the good ol' days. Fire pits, trenches, flamethrowers to the face, boiling oil and tar, etc.

See two guides mentioned above. Turn pit traps into death traps. Grenades and pipe bombs for those that have a good arm. Mines and other booby traps. [Turns '28 Days Later' into 'Night of the Living Dead' (and personally, I'd rather have limpers and shamblers to walkers and runners (or bit players over full blown actors))]

Siege and trap tactics; not for close encounters (unless it comes down to it... and then, anything goes).


If I'm not mistaken, carrion eaters don't always avoid tainted flesh; maggots definitely do not. There would be an exponential explosion is fly population which would expedite the rate of carrion consumption.

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I would point to World War Z as a reference but its chock full of idiots in control of tactics and logistics.


[I wonder if electricity would do anything (if applied correctly)]


The bad thing about melee is absolute risk; range, room for error, splatter and exit strategy.

Silencers and suppressors are not as silent as the movies would suggest.

Do you know how to make an arrow or bolt? Can you fletch it? What are you going to use as a head, in order to penetrate the skull? Unless you can shoot through an eye socket or the nasal passage, a stick is just going splinter on the skull.

Can you drive a tank? Can you do the required maintenence for a bomber or fighter to keep it in the air? How about the munitions and the fuel?

The thing about siege defense is that it was developed for fighting against enemies that feel fear and pain. A living man is going to fear getting hot oil dumped on him. You see your buddy turned into charcoal and you'll be reconsidering assaulting the castle.

A zombie will not.

Pit traps require work to complete. Where are you going to get the grenades, pipe bombs, and mines? Mines, which BTW, are less about outright killing and more for causing damage (damage that while fatal to a normal human will be shrugged off by a zombie unless the shrapnel pierces the brain) that requires taking other personnel off the line.

Unless the flesh is poisonous and kills off anything that tries to eat it.

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No offense, but you are basing your tactics around fighting a traditional enemy that can feel fear, pain, require a supply train, and can reason. These aren't enemies that feel any of that.

The best defense against zombies is to be invisible. Hide, choose your targets wisely and cautiously, avoid contact whenever possible, and be silent.

IMO, the best hideout would be either a) a self-sufficient underground vault with an aquifer; or b) a treehouse community ala Solace from Dragonlance.

Thank god for the little miracles.

I remember that story.

Wha? Absolutely not; most of what I mention involves containment, inhibited progression and breakdown of materials (decomp, immolation, corrosion, dismemberment, consumption). I have said nothing on demoralization, undead cognitive skills (although they could progressively be an issue; depending on which view of them you choose to ascribe to) or zombie logistic lines, lol.

Then there's that whole having to deal with other living people thing.


The best defense is being prepared for the 'Worst Case Scenario'; avoiding being outnumbered and possibly overrun in a position that's difficult to escape from or defend with limited weaponry, assistance, rations, supplies and/or knowledge.


There's just too much going on to rely on going solo with a machete/crowbar, ninja skills and Max Brooks. (Especially if we're talking 'Return of the Living Dead' zombie types )

lol, debating zombie apocalypse tactics.

Whose joking?

Just read through this while eating my lunch, according to the article it was apparently a new form of LSD called bath salts which raised body temperature to a dangerous level and causes delirium, etc.

I think we can postpone the zombie apocalypse warnings for awhile.

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

Sounds like a cover up to me.

That is always a possibility.

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

I think this should become the official Zombie Paranoia thread.

on that note.

http://io9.com/5913889/zombie-fans-t...ium=socialflow