Memo to all Syndicate members:

On April 11, 2012, a Syndicate operations center was breached at 1:42am eastern. The extent of the breach is still classified, however an internal audit uncovered key problems at this location which may be symptomatic of a more widespread problem regarding the proper implementation of enterprise security policy at all Syndicate locations. This memorandum is intended to highlight key areas of the security policy which may require refresher training programs to be established.


This image was taken by internal surveillance cameras approximately three minutes prior to the security breach:



It is important to note the following:

1. Food and beverages are not allowed in secure areas. They must be consumed off the premises or in designated break areas.

2. Our security staff is expected to execute and promote the highest levels of professional behavior. Reading the newspaper while on duty is considered a serious distraction and can also be a fire hazard (see below).

3. Per directive S-2010-11-5 security personnel are required to stand or patrol at all times. Section 3C explicitly declares "meditation to locate the enemy on the astral plane" as an invalid exception to the rule.

Security footage from other security events also shows Syndicate members making unauthorized cell phone calls, texting, eating snacks, tossing their weapons in the air and in one case there is evidence that a Syndicate member was disabled while logged into Facebook. These are all not conducive to the primary objective of protecting the integrity and security of the facility and new network AUPs and code of conduct policies will be forthcoming to address these issues specifically.


Until the employee handbook is updated, management would like to stress that a heightened awareness of the threats confronting the organization will do much to mitigate our risk posture. In particular, it should be stressed that the following individuals require special permission to enter any Syndicate facility and must be escorted at all times:

* Naked or half-naked females
* Individuals who appear to be on fire
* Anyone carrying a sword or swords
* The undead
* Persons dressed in more than twelve colors
* Anyone accompanied by two or more robots

As a special reminder, anyone seen killing or disabling Syndicate members on Syndicate controlled sites should be considered a high priority threat. They are not, repeat not from human resources.


Thank you for your attention.

/thumbsup

We've gone over the policies with our staff, and have a few questions. Given the recent issues, we'd prefer not to make assumptions.

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This thread is incredible. Both the OP and the reply have me laughing.

Bill brings up some excellent, and prudent, points.

Further, people clothed in similar garb to the Syndicate have been seen unescorted in the facility as well, yet their weaponry was clearly not used by other Syndicate members. I was under the impression that archery weapons were forbidden by Praetor Sinclair, and energy weapons were forbidden given their association with the Resistance. Is this no longer the case, or should these individuals be stopped and escorted from the premises?

Does the Syndicate still offer Justin Bieber haircuts on Wednesdays?

I would have thought the Praetorian version of Facebook would have been something like "Libervultus".

By the way, has there actually been a problem getting guards to escort naked or half-naked females who appear on premises?

Erm guys, just need to ask...are a swarm of Bees under the pet policy?

There's a guy in the entrance lobby with Bees, a Hawk and a Dog, I mean the Dog is fine, looks a bit savage but whatever and the hawk looks totally badass, are they company issue? The Bees are my major conscern.

I'm new and on my first day of training, if management could get back to me on this quickly it'll be much appreciated.

Understood.

Submitting per form 386b-070-f, suggestions for process improvements and streamlining.

In the interest of monitoring potential threats with localized excessive temperature gradients (commonly referred to as "on fire" or "shooting fire") as well as mitigating the sharply increasing number of bee incidents, an opportunity seems to show itself.

If we cannot recruit some of these agents, the circulation of information about the bee-infested locations should commence through our usual underground channels. All essential paperwork and personnel should, of course, be evacuated. (Those which have not already left due to allergies.) Direct those on fire to the bee-infested facilities, and let them take care of the problem.

This may also lend itself to performance- and morale-improvement initiatives. Those not meeting performance guidelines will be informed they may be reassigned to one of these facilities. I'm sure we'll see a marked jump in productivity.

cc: Basket
cc: Facilities
Bcc: Human Resources

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In an effort to meet compliance with these new rules, most of my executive security detail has volunteered to serve as escorts to any naked or half-naked females that may be encountered.

Strangely, significantly fewer have come forward volunteering to escort any "on fire" visitors.

Perhaps more clarification of this rule is in order.

Ok...

The guy just turned into some kind of small Dog (smaller than the Dog he had with him) and scampered down the hall, thankfully the Dog, Bees and Hawk accompanying him left as well, I think he was heading for the lunch room, I'd suggest sending a notice to the guys there with allergies to fur and Bees.

Site 13b is reporting unusual activity. Given new guidelines, they're wondering if translucent beings of indeterminate gender fall under the "male," "female" or "on fire" guidelines, and where tentacles fit into the guidelines.

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Security reports having briefly seen someone near the back-up servers. When attempting to bring this up to the supervisor, she was found napping. What is management policy on 35 hour maps and working four consecutive shifts to take them? Does that qualify for overtime?

Thanks for the laugh.

FAO: Policy Makers
Subject: Unfortunate side-effects of new policy.

Sword Master Levin's birthday party is now in ruins thanks to the guard team at Facility 18's detention and poor treatment of the caterers and wanton destruction of four dog piñatas that were intended to be the centre piece of his celebration. The hand-crafted piñatas were being wheeled in, and the guards, upon subduing the catering team, destroyed them in their efforts to check for contraband.

What is worse, is that the contents of the piñatas have subsequently gone missing from the storage rooms where the piñatas were found. I do not have to stress the difficulty in obtaining some of the Sword Master's favourite confectionery, even having to have sent agents into Primal Earth to obtain some that he professed having a craving for.

Please see attached the expenses form filled in, having had to pay the caters out of pocket for damages and silence on the matter, and rapid acquisition of replacement candy. I expect to be reimbursed.

Yours faithfully, if most irked,
Boss Hideo Name, Facility 18 Co-Ordinator

(And I thought my day had already been made...

This is too funny.)

Re: Reminder to Keep All Areas Clean
To: Syndicate All
From: Human Resources
CC: Facilities Maintenance

Team,

It has come to our attention through numerous anonymous complaints, filed by the third floor janitorial staff, that there has been a rapid increase in random debris found throughout the campus. This has proved problematic, as facilities and maintenance is not equipped to dispose of a 1985 Crown Victoria, let alone 3 of them, several rusted out dumpsters, lamps of varying makes and models and what appears to be a replica of something called the "Maltese Falcon". Also, we are not sure where the wireframed, 20 ft. globe came from, however we please ask that you return it to it's point of origin immediately.

Please kindly remember that you share this workspace with everyone around you. Your assistance in keeping our facilities beautiful (and sterile) is much appreciated.

Sincerely,

Human Resources