Things You Don't Want to Hear After the 12th Hour Tomorrow

So we have a 12 hour down time tomorrow so they can merge the servers and bring Europe and North America together in gleeful togetherness.

Here are a few announcements we'd probably rather not hear.

* Positron has announced he has to completely re-tool the Incarnate system; but that's okay because all characters over 10th level were accidentally deleted anyway.

* A Developer practical joke on the French server got a little out of hand... until we can resolve the issue, just ignore all the Mimes.

* Follow Up: The trouble shooting team has come up with a work-around... all Mimes are now targetable.

* Follow Up by Arcanaville: After datamining I have determined that the "trapped inside a box" provides the Mimes with 45.32% defense vs all. The "ran into a wall" provides 63.33% defense vs all but not if you are on the same side of the wall as the Mime.

* There has been a language crash so none of the servers are displaying the proper language. Until we are able to resolve this we have provided a handy-dandy translation guide so you can still play despite the language barrier. Click the link for Ig-pay Atin-Lay or-fay Ummies-Day.

* Unfortunately computers are very specific and generally obey the letter of the law rather than the intent. Our instructions to the system were to allow our North American and European customers collective access to the game. We are negotiating with the system to re-admit our Asian, South American, Australlian and African customers at this time.

* Follow Up: We would like to take this opportunity to apologize to deep ice core researcher Doctor Kevin Hannison. In our previous announcement we were unaware that someone in Antarctica was playing our game.

* Follow Up: We have fixed the isolationist issue in the servers by defining the player base as "the planet earth." The problem has been resolved. Thank you for your patience.

* Follow Up: We would like to apologize to our fans on the International Space Station, but we are unable to convince the server AI that the Planet Earth includes objects in orbit. It would have included the moon in that definition and we are not quite ready for that.

* Follow Up: Despite 1,433 conspiracy-theory-scented posts to the contrary, the last announcement was NOT a veiled hint that a Moon Base will be included in the next issue or even ANY future issue. Jeez people.

Can we get clarification on when and if there will be a defeat badge for mimes and will that require 100, 200 or will they really make us work and use a 10,000 limit similar to what Rikti Monkeys used to be?

Possible suggestion for badge: Seen but not Heard! Badge features three mimes heads in classic pose .. one with hand over mouth, second with hands over ears and third with hands covering eyes. Note to legal check to be certain that pose is not copywritten!

Suggestion to solve language issues. Can't we all be awarded a special NPC pet that is fluent in all languages and translates for us? Possibly incorporate this into the free Vanguard MVAC we issued to most players.. at least then the thing would serve SOME purpose besides looking cute!

I KNEW IT! the new zone IS a Moon base! See we heard it hear first! hehehe entertaining as always Steel.

Pretty sure what I don't want to hear is:

"Maintenance has to be extended, you can run Ustream until 10:00 PM right?"

"Why did the server racks just light up really brightly and then dim?"

Followed by....

"What do you mean you just ran 480v power through the system?!?!?"

We came across another bug and thus no list merge as of yet . . . . however as to make up for 12 hours downtime heres a week long rikti invasion!

So does this mean after the list merge, the new loading music will be, "It's a Small World"?

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

"oops"

"We've had to roll back the servers to Issue 1."

*Servers power on*

"Shall...we...play...a...game?"

I got kicked again. Banned from chat. DARN YOU, USTREEEEEAM!

Good list, but why no mention of the translation service that filters all US chat is filtered through the Cockney Dialectizer) before being posted to Union servers?

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Also, 12 hours is a long time to go without your CoH fix. That's a lot of free time that could be dedicated to list-making, so I issue my first STEELCLAW CHALLENGE:

Make a list of the top "Things Zwillinger will do to kill time during the Ustream broadcast"

then
Make a list of the top "Things Zwillinger would never DARE do during the Ustream broadcast

then
"Steelclaw's Double Dog Dare Zwillinger not to do during the Ustream broadcast.:

Nothing too dangerous, because this coincides with a ZWILLINGER CHALLENGE to actually DO as many of the things on Steelclaw's list as possible during the livestream broadcast.

... and, of course, we can probably add some variation of this to the unofficial community drinking game that goes on during all of Zwillinger's ustream broadcasts....