Attention devs and plaync execs

Dear Paragon Studio's staff and PlayNC Execs,

Today as I was visiting my usual hangouts of webcomics, comedy article sites, and websites that certainly do not contain porn of any kind, I discovered that Aion is currently having a Double Experience Weekend starting today (January 22nd). Now, being the responsible adult I am, I have to work this weekend. Coupled with the fact that I dont even play AION, I am missing out on all sorts of "EEE-EX-PEE" that I could not only be earning, but *DOUBLING* (And, dare I dream, even *TRIPLING?*). Naturally, this is a slap in the face to a rightous, god fearing American such as myself.

To this end, I demand compensation for the emotional pain and mental anguish I am suffering for your obvious lack of consideration to my feelings. This is especially appalling since I pay 15 dollars a month, which means that my needs far outweigh the unwashed masses and mindless rabble that make up my fellow members of your so called "Player Base". My list of demands are as follows:

1: All of my characters (Which shall include any I currently have, previously have, will create in the future, and any exisiting in alternate universes including (but not limited to) mirror mirror universes where we are all evil with stylish goatees) shall be instantly leveled to level "INFINITY +1", thus showing everyone my obvious superiority over them.

2: A /Fruitpie emote shall be added, allowing me to defeat my enemies with delicious Hostess(tm) Fruit Pies, those Golden Flaked pastries with scrumptious fruit filling.

3: A big red ball.

4: The blood of an innocent, which will be sacraficed to the great unnamed one who resides in the box.

5: A name for the great unnamed on who resides in the box. Something cool, like Pohsub. Or Pishyb. Castle, maybe? I don't know. I'll think of something later. STOP PRESSURING ME.

6: A Pony travel power. The pony shall be named Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Lay Onna Pile Of Origami the Third. But you can call her Dot. But not Dottie, or then you die.

7: All European players to admit that it's spelled "Color", not "Colour". Stupid Brits, adding extraneous "U"'s and "E"'s to stuff. Back in MY day, we were lucky if we could afford A's and B's, much less your fancy schmancy letters. Hell, we had to spell our words fifteen miles, through the snow, uphill! Both ways!

8: The first monday of each month shall be declared as "Troy Hickman Day". As such, all avatars in game will be presented without pants. Especially the girls.

9: Billboards in each zone advertising how awesome I am, and how much better I am then everyone else since I pay 15 dollars a month, you cheap buggers.

10: A hot secretary to go all the way in game.

11: An apology from Michael Bay. Seriously man, did you forget you were filming Transformers 2 and thought you were doing the new Adam Sandler movie? Enough with the potty jokes, man!

12: A signed picture of War Witch. And a cookie.

As you can see, my demands are quite reasonable for the grief and frustration your actions have caused me. If I have not heard back from you in five minutes, then I will know that you hate your customers, their families, their pets, and even their pets families, you heartless bastards.

Sincerely,
Sir Liquid Horatio X, esq.

So indignant you had to post it twice!! Now that's nerd rage!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dispari I don't know why Dink thinks she's not as sexy as Jay was. In 5 posts she's already upstaged his entire career.

As of 1pm today, I have heard no replies from our Dev's or the Executives of PlayNC about my completly reasonable demands. At first, I assumed it was simply because our Dev's don't care about it's playerbase, ignoring the rightous demands for Justice from the innocents who have been harmed by their lack of consideration, as they oversee us from their ivory towers and money bins.

Instead, thanks to my network of informants (at great personal risk to themselves), I have learned that the truth is far more insidious then first expected. In actuallity, the Dev's have teamed up with Fidel Castro and the Russians to arm the Legion of Doom with FWD's. Yes, that's right... They have done the unthinkable and are developing FRUITPIES OF MASSIVE DELICIOUSNESS.

Now, being the ignorant unwashed masses that you are (Who can't be bothered to pay the same $15 a month that your social betters like myself do), I expect that you will scoff at my warnings, believing that the existance of FMD's in Cuba are a myth. But this would be a mistake, and to do so would allow the terrorists to win. But it's okay, as I am prepared to back up my claims with Photographic evidence, painstakingly retrieved by my secret informants within Paragon Studios (and who is in no way Castle, and any attempts to say otherwise makes you a dirty, filthy liar).

First, I present to you Exhibit 1:



As you can see, this is a standard Fruit Pie. Notice the Flaky Crust and Fruit Filling, making for a delicious Snack both on the Go and at home. In the park, or on a plane, you can enjoy these delightfull snacks anywhere!

Now, I present to you Exhibit 2, the Fruitpie of Mass Deliciousness (Note: What you are about to see may be shocking, but I ask you to be strong and not avert your eyes):



As you can see, the evidence is quite damning. But that's not the worst of it:



As you can see, the Hero Batman is able to rescue Commisoner Gordon through the power of the Fruit Pies. However, imagine a world where those delicious, Fruit Filled treats are in the hands of the ENEMY! The chaos will be on a global level that will engulf the world! Seas will boil! Babies will be born with four fingers! The sky will turn peuce! CATS AND DOGS WILL LIVE TOGETHER! All of this will be a reality if we allow NCSoft and Paragon Studios to continue to plot with their godless communist allies!

There can only be one solution... We must throw off the yolk of oppression and team together with our European allies to invade Cuba, capture the FMD's, and rule together as Father and son! VIVA JAY SHERMAN! VIVA QUEBEC! VIVA JAY SHERMAN! VIVA QUEBEC!

Oh wow...and I thought I was good at these kind of posts.

Clearly my self perceived skill was only imagined.

Liquid's post puts me to shame. Seriously...I'm wearing the ribbons and everything.

In line with the traditions of...well...somebody... I guess the only thing left for me is to do the honorable thing and fall on my keyboard.

Umm...would it be ok though if I fell more kind of to the side of my keyboard? It's just that it's only a few weeks old.

Just asking.

Wow. You're upset that Aion has double XP this weekend. Well, I wonder how upset you'll be knowing that this is the 4th double XP weekend since December, and that they plan on doing 1-2 double XP weekends a month.

:P

i love a good insane post. Anyhow, i have wanted them to do a good hostess fruitpie joke for a while, they were a part of old comic culture for a long while. and a one off joke or two would be funny. Of course, now that the woman who put the great jokes in the flavor text is running the show, it is not unlikely that we will get some references like that even more now.

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

"LiquidX is, as usual, on the cutting edge of humour and wit."
- Henry Marcone, The Independence Portly

"Double XP? Double LiquidX, we could all use some joy in our lives."
- G. Falcon, beat reporter. The Peregrine Island Press

"Wit with a sense of self-aggrandizement matched only by a certain Prussian? Sign me up!"
- "Brass Tacks" editorial column, The Cap au Diable Courier

/signed

There is one thing better than a Hostess Fruit Pie...

...a Hostess Fruit Pie heated up! (vanilla bean ice cream optional, some say)

I like Guava Puffs.