Interesting character bios

Ladies and gentlemen. One of the defining characteristics of humanity is the ability to draw enjoyment from laughing at Those People. In that vein, I think it's time again for one of those "stupid bios" threads.

(Names of Those People have been obscured to protect their identity)


- Ever had a freshly used diaper spun in the air in front of you and been worried that some of the offending substance within might fly out and stick on you at any second? Me neither, but I'd imagine it would feel about the same as reading the following biography:



Plus points for the original concept of that Mercs MM being the "slave" of her Mercs though. Oh, and French maids of course. Can't have too many of those...


-The next one has everything. Slipknot, radiation, personal hygiene problems in the form of reeking brimstone. Awesome!




-The effect of that all-caps goodness was lessened a bit by the fact that the gentleman in question asked me moments later for directions, in just about the politest way imaginable.




-Dude. Save the attitude for the NPCs. "You can't last 2 mins in my world"? I should hope it takes 2 minutes or less for the staff to react if an unknown, badly groomed geek with a 7 inch goatee wanders into your preschool.




-I can't quite make sense of the next one, but it's got young temptresses, so sign me in!




-Here's a bonus one. An utterly generic demoness. Must be a IKEA instruction booklet for them somewhere.




That's the catch for now, mesdames & monseigneurs. I await for your contribution.

*bows*

Virtue, I take it?

It's a EU account so unless Vulgarian has 2 accounts, not Virtue.

You need to submit these to BRB, BIO.

--NT

Union, actually. I'm guessing the guy having issues with the French being "lame" is a Brit.

I think you should black out the avatar pictures too - they could be recognizable if that's their main cosutme.

I collect these as well. Here's one that's not horrible, mostly just funny.





and my most recent find: (Note that he's a peacebringer)

I have a few to offer.





Yes, the following guy does deserve a smack. His bio was just as abrasive as his chat:



I'm...not sure what's happening here. I lose track of events about halfway through.



And finally, from the "No Comment" department:

That "staring at a female butt" excuse just doesn't cut it

When influenced by the sweet embrace of Wild Turkey 101, it makes perfect sense. Apparently. Especially when one is so enamored of such that they feel the need to append the proof to the name.

Names removed to protect the silly.

Classic bad spelling and grammar:




Rampant perspective confusion. At least he found employment as a building I suppose!




To quote an awesome dude: "I'm having this AWESOME image of two Roman Catholic priest imitators with golf clubs... I don't know any other way to pope out of the windows and putt someone into a fridge. And it started doing WHAT to the fridge? That's just freaky."

Strewth, you do get some corkers, don't you? XD
There should be a law...but, then again, we couldn't laugh at them if there was =P

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zwillinger GG, I would tell you that "I am killing you with my mind", but I couldn't find an emoticon to properly express my sentiment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Photon NOTE: The Incarnate System is basically farming for IOs on a larger scale, and with more obtrusive lore.

I think it's important to remember that some of these are so obviously bad that English isn't their first language.
They're still funny though

ZOMG this is...

I knew their was a reason I never filled out the bios on my characters between my dyslexia and general lack of ability to write good, I know you'd all just mock me.

I recently have been collecting a bunch but I don't have screenshots (didn't even cross my mind... in retrospect it seems totally obvious)

Here's a few anyways. For names, I will Substitute Mary Sue for female characters and Gary Stu for male characters, they are otherwise unedited:

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You know nothing of fear until you looked into the eyes of Gary The Stu. who puts fear into everone he lays his eyes on no one knows for sure how Lord Recluse was able to make an alliance with the giant. It is said that Recluse and Gary faught years ago in a battle over the orb of Duknoc which grants the holder the powers of darkness. its said that the fight had come to draw. Lord Recluse told Gary to keep the orb and they should form a alliance togather they would be unstoppable. well if thats true then he was right Gary is the right hand man next to Recluse and Ghost widow but Gary no fool he knows its only a matter of time before Relcuse and him do battle again.

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Mary Sue as once a happy little girl in the rogue isles... untill one day a group of thugs broke into her home and killed her parents... in a desperate attempt to bring them back she discovered necromancy the attempt failed... however she learned that the thugs that broke in were working with the heroes and were killed by mistake, being accused of something they didnt even know about. angered by that fact... she began practicing this new power of necromancy. and now that she is strong enoug... she is training to punish the heroes.. for what they did to her. Thru advanced training with necromancy... it mutated her.. altering her phsyical appeance

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Mary Sue never wanted to be normal. The moment she could muster the dexterity to light a match, she was on the road to becoming someone special, if not psychotic. At the age of 12, she was inducted into a cult known as Bel'zar. She joined not out of isolation or despair, but rather to wreak havok on the other followers. Pyrotechnics quickly bored her, so she sought a more satisfying role within the group. The cult's leader, who had paedophilic tendancies, took Mary under his wing, teaching her the magical art of Vis Viva, the living force. However, Mary proved too apt a student and tried to incorporate her pyrotechnics with the kinetic force. This experiment succeeded, yet it left Mary with her tell-tale red scar. At the age of 14, Mary abandoned Bel'zar after killing its leader in a ritual sacrifice that ultimately transferred his powers to her. Eventually, Mary would join the Circle of Thorns where she would rise through the ranks to become an Archmage, taking on the title Villainess.

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During a cloning experiment gone wrong, Gary Stu 2 gained consciousness. He escaped the lab he was in, upon learning of his true identity and status, he swore to be his own man. And make a name for himself, separate from the man he was cloned after. (( I no longer do MRP or ERP since I have finally found someone in real life.))

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This kitty has more than claws. No one's ever known what to make of her. Being a hybrid of demon, fae, plant, and feline rolled into a lone hunter has some distinct advantages. Loyal to friends, dangerous to enemies and a force to be reckoned with. Update: It's been a long time, fighting the goodie two-shoes. Having defeated her own Patron; Black Scorpion and the head of Arachnos; Lord Recluse, this kitty has become frustrated. Shunning the stifling ways of Arachnos, She has embarked on establishing her own crime family. Covertly financing them from the shadows, nudging them along when they stumble. Evolution has provided the Clan with a Spider, who's tremulous steps are taking shape. A cloned copy of the Matriarch seeks her place along side her Namesake. The Shield saved from the Past. A cunning Dominatrix. The studly Corruptor has come into his own, charming all he smirks at. As has the Night Widow, being their informant to all Lord Recluse plans. The family develops apace...

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((RP/MRP))This young woman is not any woman. She is a shooting star from the sky. Who said that stars weren't living being? Mary Star will prove you wrong and shows what she is able to do in this world unknown

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Quote:

Originally Posted by eltonio This is over the top mental slavery.

You know, I had a small pile of these sitting on my computer, but my head ignited every time I accidentally looked at them, so they've been deleted.

Could you quit "Recluese" when defeat was on the list and then take over rough? If so then thematically you've probably picked the wrong archetype... and mislaid some punctuation.




I did not ask what "happend" and now I deeply regret that lost source of mirth. Will I ever be curest?




I... I'm just not worthy or able to comment on this engaging masterpiece of emotional tragedy. Remember, care in the community does not work for goats... or for half-goat hybrids.

I keep checking back at BRB,BIO but it seems dead, which is sad. Maybe we should make a generic "bad bios" space for these on the Paragon Wiki? Sure they're not IMPORTANT, but they are lots of fun.

I remember seeing a Fire/Fire tank called "Sinister Campfire"

His bio was "a campfire, but evil"