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My arc for review:
Long Story Short: We're All Screwed
Arc Id # 86654
Faction: Neutral
Creator Global/Forum Name: Meaning of Liff
Difficulty Level: Anywhere from a quick pace and a constant battle for large teams on difficulty 2 and 4, to steamrolling over everything solo, depending on the options you take.
Synopsis: Repent! The End is Nigh! The reckoning has come and gone and you've been left behind! The horsemen are storming Paragon. Will you heed thy Lord's call and revert the Apocalypse?!
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Made a trailer. Enjoy.
Arc 86654
Two things (apologies in advance for sounding snarky):
1. Why do people continue to forget what Thargor said in the very first post? (My emphasis below.)
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The way this thread works is you're allowed to post ONE of your arcs for people to look at. The next person to reply will post a critique of your arc, then post one of their own arcs. Then the next person will critique their arc and so forth...
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2. That being said, since I already posted my review of someone's arc, I'd like someone to review my story arc. With five votes so far, I've gotten nothing but good feedback in-game, but I would still like to see feedback on this thread, since I already fulfilled my duty of submitting a review on another arc.
My story arc info:
Arc Name: "The Once and Future King Sac"
Arc ID: 99394
Faction: Custom group (The Entropy)
Creator Global/Forum Name: @KingSac
Difficulty Level: Medium to High (depends on how you handle EBs)
Synopsis: A strange temporal anomaly has been detected, and for some reason, it seems centered around the hero, King Sac. A hero is needed to investigate the disturbance before what seems like a harmless ripple ends up cascading across the universe.
Estimated Time to Play: 45-60 minutes (5 missions)
This is my first story arc, two weeks in the making. (Wanted to make sure it was just right.) Personally, I can solo this in 20 minutes with my blaster at Heroic (heading straight for the objectives), though the last mission will spawn two AVs in bigger groups/higher difficulty settings.
The arc is meant as a mini-TF and can a bit on the easy side in regards to EBs, but can be a little difficult with some mez from the mobs. Again, depends on AT and play style, but hopefully people will find this enjoyable. Feedback welcome.
Mission:
True power!
Arc ID: 104216
Length: Medium
Missions: 5
Genre: Villainous maybe some Humor
Description: Tired of everyone always coming to ruin you're missions of mayhem and rampant destruction, you decide to take the battle to them and teach 'em not to interfere!
[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: "The Once and Future King Sac"
Arc ID: 99394
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I only have one beef with gameplay, so I'll get that out of the way first. In the last mission, it's generally not a great idea to have players have to hunt down lots of glowies or destructibles, because it's very easy for them to miss them. Then, after they've had their climactic battle at the end, they have to go back and hunt for what they missed, burning off any excitement they worked up in the fight. Also, Kid Sac is listed as being in The Entropy, even though he's probably not supposed to be.
Other than that, gameplay was fine. I felt like most things were adequately challenging and balanced and mission objectives weren't getting in the way of the fun.
So let's focus on storytelling here.
You're telling a story about jealousy, time travel, framing the innocent, etc. That has plenty of potential to be dramatic. But you're not making the most of it because you're not giving the player much of anything to connect to the characters with.
Players aren't going to know who King Sac is or why it's important to help him. The story contact, the Avatar of King Sac, doesn't clue them in about what kind of story they can expect – he's almost entirely blank. Your contact choice is important! It's a story telling tool and a signal to players about what direction things are heading. Think it over a bit and see if you can make this guy, both in his appearance and his speech, reflect that.
You need to really dress up the personalities of these characters. The player doesn't get a lot of chance to understand who they are in 5 missions, so you need to make use of every opportunity to let me know who they are. Who is King Sac? What kind of personality does he have, and how would he reflect that in his speech?
Who are the Entropy? It's never explained, and that really disappointed me. I wanted to find out what on earth these guys were all about, but there was never anything to explain all that much. I don't know who they are, where they're from, why they look the way they do, why they have such strange names, what they have against King Sac. Try to develop these things. They're what will differentiate Entropy from Generic Henchmen Variety 35406.
One way you can add some of that personality is in picking where they are and what props they use. Right now, the Entropy's personality is confusing to me because one minute they're in a hospital using Rikti computers, the next they're in a Rikti base using hospital lab equipment and then they're in a Crey tech lab. Up until the last mission, I hoped that maybe the Rikti computers and Rikti map meant they were some bizarre offshoot of the Rikti, but no luck.
I'm not pointing all this out to be a jerk, but because I imagine you genuinely want to know what you can improve.
With that critique out of the way, here's mine for someone else to critique.
Poster: http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/9391/timeo.jpg
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
Arc ID: 40267
Factions: The Council (with some customizations,) The 5th Column (again, customized), Axis America, various allies
Creator Global: @Doc Photon
Difficulty: Players under 40 will likely have a lot of trouble. Players 40 and up could find it easily solable or require help, depending on how well they work with AI allies and how they fight AV/EBs.
Synopsis: There's a mutiny going on in the Council. Word is that the Center has called off the alliance with the Nictus and are purging Nictus influence from the ranks.
But what's the real story? And why is a mysterious Council lieutenant leading a faction into Axis America?
This arc ends with a big climactic battle. I've fixed and tweaked this about a zillion times since Beta. And I'll probably keep tweaking it unless it somehow ends up Dev Choice. I can't let it be.
[ QUOTE ]
With that critique out of the way, here's mine for someone else to critique.
Poster: http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/9391/timeo.jpg
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
Arc ID: 40267
Factions: The Council (with some customizations,) The 5th Column (again, customized), Axis America, various allies
Creator Global: @Doc Photon
Difficulty: Players under 40 will likely have a lot of trouble. Players 40 and up could find it easily solable or require help, depending on how well they work with AI allies and how they fight AV/EBs.
Synopsis: There's a mutiny going on in the Council. Word is that the Center has called off the alliance with the Nictus and are purging Nictus influence from the ranks.
But what's the real story? And why is a mysterious Council lieutenant leading a faction into Axis America?
This arc ends with a big climactic battle. I've fixed and tweaked this about a zillion times since Beta. And I'll probably keep tweaking it unless it somehow ends up Dev Choice. I can't let it be.
[/ QUOTE ]
Ok, I'll give it a go.
* I've seen this in a number of arcs, including in-game missions. The contact doesn't introduce him/herself, which leaves me with the questions: Who are you, and why should I do anything for you? Agent Six mentions the CIA a couple of times, which leads me to believe me she is a secret agent for the CIA. But she never comes out and says it. And with her outfit, she could be an Agent for Arachnos as far as I know. So .... "Hello, I am Agent Six on assignment from the CIA, we just intercepted a big shipment... Statesman highly recommends you...."
Chapter 1
* Assisst ( spelling ) the Council Purge (both in the mission link and title )
* The CIA .... is repeated twice in the mission briefing, maybe reword a bit.
* I'm guessing you've tested this a number of times to ensure the first operative is always to the left, but you'll probably have to retest after every patch to ensure the "Pssst, I'm to the left" text is still valid.
* The manifesto bears Requiem's signature, but he's opposing the insurrection. That left me scratching my head a bit.
* Agent Six's deal with the Council for them to "Stay off their back" for a while, just seemed odd to me. The CIA is a law enforcement agency, the only way for this to happen is for the Council to go on vacation.
Chapter 2
* The popup implies the Council was going to stay off "my" back, not the CIA's.
* It seemed odd to me there were no Portal Corp employees held captive inside. I saw one group of "PPD Awakened", whatever those are.
* On of the mobs says, "You're late, $name....". Might want to take that out, until they support $name in all fields.
* Beautiful touch, having that last group staring up at the Portal. I have no clue how you did that, but that was just awesome.
Chapter 3
* "The 5th Column, and then the Council, has a difficult history." Awkward wording. Maybe,
"In their incarnations as the 5th Column and Council, they've had a difficult history."
Chapter 4
* Very nice custom Axis America mobs. I loved the uniforms. This chapter prompted me to move it down to Heroic from Rugged. These guys were ripping me to shreds... which is good.
Chapter 5
* "Have Portal Corp transport you to Jun 6, 1944..."
Just two comments on this. I didnt know Portal Corp could transport through time as well as through dimensions.
In the prior chapter, the two heroes were searching for some way to return to the past. Just seems a bit incongruous, if Portal Corp already had the means.
* Reinforcements are always nice when fighting an EB/AV, however 4 Lts. did absolutely nothing against Vandal. I'd rather have 1 good boss level assist than 4 lower levels. One of them died aggroing another group, while I freed one of his buddies.
* A bit of a disappointment fighting a Lt. Level Ubelmann after dieing twice against Vandal. He should be at least boss level.
* I would have liked to have seen more of the custom mobs on the final map.
Overall, one of the best arcs I've played to date. I greatly enjoyed it.
Edit: I've been thinking about which arc I'd like critiqued and decided on:
80824 The Starfare Chronicles: First Contact
Factions: Custom, Rikti. CoT, Arachnos
Difficulty: Medium to Difficult depending on build ( Recommend bringing plenty of inspirations if soloing ). Designed for level 50. Has an EB/AV at the end.
Length: 5 chapters
Synopsis:
The League of Starfaring Races ( or Starfare for short ) normally doesn't contact backwater worlds such as ours. That is about to change, as their unrelenting enemy, the Zrak 'Tah, have shown an unusual interest in Earth. Starfare has sent a Special Ops force to investigate the matter....
131430 Starfare: First Contact
178774 Tales of Croatoa: A Rose By Any Other Name ( 2009 MA Best In-Canon Arc ) ( 2009 Player Awards - Best Serious Arc )
[ QUOTE ]
Ok, I'll give it a go.
* I've seen this in a number of arcs, including in-game missions. The contact doesn't introduce him/herself, which leaves me with the questions: Who are you, and why should I do anything for you? Agent Six mentions the CIA a couple of times, which leads me to believe me she is a secret agent for the CIA. But she never comes out and says it. And with her outfit, she could be an Agent for Arachnos as far as I know. So .... "Hello, I am Agent Six on assignment from the CIA, we just intercepted a big shipment... Statesman highly recommends you...."
Chapter 1
* Assisst ( spelling ) the Council Purge (both in the mission link and title )
* The CIA .... is repeated twice in the mission briefing, maybe reword a bit.
* I'm guessing you've tested this a number of times to ensure the first operative is always to the left, but you'll probably have to retest after every patch to ensure the "Pssst, I'm to the left" text is still valid.
* The manifesto bears Requiem's signature, but he's opposing the insurrection. That left me scratching my head a bit.
* Agent Six's deal with the Council for them to "Stay off their back" for a while, just seemed odd to me. The CIA is a law enforcement agency, the only way for this to happen is for the Council to go on vacation.
Chapter 2
* The popup implies the Council was going to stay off "my" back, not the CIA's.
* It seemed odd to me there were no Portal Corp employees held captive inside. I saw one group of "PPD Awakened", whatever those are.
* On of the mobs says, "You're late, $name....". Might want to take that out, until they support $name in all fields.
* Beautiful touch, having that last group staring up at the Portal. I have no clue how you did that, but that was just awesome.
Chapter 3
* "The 5th Column, and then the Council, has a difficult history." Awkward wording. Maybe,
"In their incarnations as the 5th Column and Council, they've had a difficult history."
Chapter 4
* Very nice custom Axis America mobs. I loved the uniforms. This chapter prompted me to move it down to Heroic from Rugged. These guys were ripping me to shreds... which is good.
Chapter 5
* "Have Portal Corp transport you to Jun 6, 1944..."
Just two comments on this. I didnt know Portal Corp could transport through time as well as through dimensions.
In the prior chapter, the two heroes were searching for some way to return to the past. Just seems a bit incongruous, if Portal Corp already had the means.
* Reinforcements are always nice when fighting an EB/AV, however 4 Lts. did absolutely nothing against Vandal. I'd rather have 1 good boss level assist than 4 lower levels. One of them died aggroing another group, while I freed one of his buddies.
* A bit of a disappointment fighting a Lt. Level Ubelmann after dieing twice against Vandal. He should be at least boss level.
* I would have liked to have seen more of the custom mobs on the final map.
Overall, one of the best arcs I've played to date. I greatly enjoyed it.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thank you very much for this. I need time to look at some of it and fix a few things. (And a few others I did fix before, but apparently it didn't take --, like $name.)
Only thing I have in response other than that this is super useful and I'm going to take a great deal of it into consideration is that Agent Six is a pre-existing contact. She's a CIA op and the natural enhancement store in Founders:
http://paragonwiki.com/wiki/Agent_Six
But maybe I can find a way to reiterate that since she must not be as well known as I thought.
edit: Also, as to the last mission, I've had a hell of a time balancing that one to satisfaction. My stalker steamrolls Vandal with those allies, which makes me think a lot of players will find it too easy if I tack on any more help. But I'm sure other ATs and builds could still have considerable trouble. Maybe I'll try to edit Agent Six's dialogue to give a little more of a warning about what's coming.
second edit: OH I GET IT. Once you scaled down, the boss-level reinforcements scaled down to Lts and Ubelmann, a boss, scaled down, too.
[ QUOTE ]
Thank you very much for this. I need time to look at some of it and fix a few things. (And a few others I did fix before, but apparently it didn't take --, like $name.)
Only thing I have in response other than that this is super useful and I'm going to take a great deal of it into consideration is that Agent Six is a pre-existing contact. She's a CIA op and the natural enhancement store in Founders:
http://paragonwiki.com/wiki/Agent_Six
But maybe I can find a way to reiterate that since she must not be as well known as I thought.
[/ QUOTE ]
Probably just me. I only have one natural hero, whom I've never leveled past level 12.
131430 Starfare: First Contact
178774 Tales of Croatoa: A Rose By Any Other Name ( 2009 MA Best In-Canon Arc ) ( 2009 Player Awards - Best Serious Arc )
Thanks for the feedback!
You picked up on the feelings I was trying to convey. Finding things out as you went along seemed very important when I was writing it.
The 'stock' creatures are only familiar if you have played both sides of COX to level 50. My highest villain is 40 so some aspects are still new.
I tested placement of encounters extensively. Due to the map and my wishes only two of them are set. The rest appear around the map When I ran it with one of my blasters 3 were at the front. Encounter locations will be different for each player.
I'll check out your arc when I can.
It's hard to keep track of who's next in here. A lot seem to be getting skipped. I went back and hit a few that looked like they got missed. There was one in particular I liked.
87912 - The Dead and the Damned
At first the writer sets you up thinking this is going to be a serious story. The premise is kind of cool actually. The Skulls and Hellions are gearing up for a big war by acquiring powerful magic artifacts. But it quickly turns light hearted.
You soon realize that you've stumbled upon the San Francisco Troop version of West Side Story. The dialogue and narration is firmly tongue in cheek. The boss fight dialogue, especially, is priceless. The shift from what sounded like a serious arc to just having fun was almost kind of jarring... but it made me laugh, which was all the writer really wanted I suspect.
I loved all the pirate chests in mission 2. Very clever.
Watch out in mission #4. Bone Daddy's are already among the toughest bosses in the lowbie levels. A Bone Daddy with a Zombie ambush thrown in is ebil.
In the final mission, it's a good thing I was playing my tanker. You get a WHOLE bunch of allies to help you with a double boss fight (which at level 14 or lower, the help is much appreciated)... but they are nearly all squishie minions and Lts. I've never used Taunt to protect my pets before. IOW don't count on them too much.
I gave it 4 stars.
Here is my first creation...
Arc ID: 82136
Name: Family Matters
Creator: @Shadow Guard
Description:: A new gang of Outcasts is making bold moves into Independence Port. What is the secret behind their newfound power and their role in the turf wars that plague the docks of Paragon City? (psst... AV fight)
Length: Long (5 missions w/ 1 short 3 med and 1 long but straightforward office map)
Difficulty: I envisioned it as a 20-30 arc (though technically it caps at 40 and mission 2 lets you go at 50). I made new amped up Outcasts with stacking buff/debuff and some control. Mission 5 ends an AV (an AV that I can't believe the devs did not already make!). So tougher than average, but I soloed it with a lvl 28 scrapper and ran through with minimal death on a team of 4.
--
My AE Story Arcs:
Family Matters - 82136
That was a VERY insightful review.
Check my arc out and tell me what you think. (MA: 101857)
Level 50, 4 mission arc. You will need a team of high level (45 - 50) to complete the arc. Thanks!
From the slums of the Rogue Isles to the highest levels of Arachnos. A tragic love, unforgivable betrayal, a web of lies & a truth long buried is uncovered! The untold story of how a Night Widow named Belladonna Vetrano came to be the Ghost-Widow & the man she loved then died for.
MA:101857
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Arc Name: "The Once and Future King Sac"
Arc ID: 99394
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I only have one beef with gameplay, so I'll get that out of the way first...
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DocPhoton, thanks for the reviewing my arc. I really appreciated it. You make some good points, while others may require explanation or some hard thinking for what I should or shouldn't change.
I'm sorry that the last mission had you go back to find the destructible objects. In all of my play testing, I never missed a glowie/object, nor did the two teams I ran it with. And seeing as how the editor doesn't give exact control on the placement of objects, I will keep the cloning tanks in the last mission as they are. Even if one object is placed in the mission, you may miss it on the first go around before coming to the boss. Hey, it happens. For the sake of the story, I feel the cloning tanks are necessary.
Both allies in missions 2 and 3 are listed as under "The Entropy". In my Director's Commentary thread, I explained how I was seriously over the file size limit for this arc, so one of the compromises I made was to reuse the custom characters from The Entropy custom group for the allies. Not the ideal situation, but I found it to be a reasonable solution, hoping that players could gloss over that issue. (I pretty much shot for the stars on my first arc. Not exactly the best idea, but sometimes you just have to swing for the bleachers.)
I see your point about the contact lacking character. I can probably add/alter text to convey what you are looking for. I thought I had enough there, but I can see where some people may not have enough reason to care.
I can better address the Entropy background with additional text. Looking back, I can see how I glossed over it with a brief sentence. But in general, they're basically a villain group from the future centered around chaos and disorder, who are sworn enemies of the King's Legacy group. And their strange names are because their language is so unintelligble, it is the closest phonetic approximation. Of course, since you overhear their dialogue at times, it's just one of those instances where I hope that the player glides over that fact. As for what they have against King Sac, that's explained in the fight against the final boss and the wrap-up from the contact. When it comes down to it, they were just following orders from the big baddie.
When it comes to the maps used, I think you're overthinking it a bit. They happen to be using what was available, so setting up shop in an abandoned hospital or taking over a Rikti map doesn't seem out of reach to me. And I don't purely associate tech maps with just Crey, so that's why I used it for the final mission.
Again, I appreciate you taking time to review my arc. I will definitely make some text changes and additions to clear up some of the valid points you made. And by no means did you need to preface your comments with "I'm not pointing all this out to be a jerk", as you provided constructive criticism, which is all I asked for. 
[ QUOTE ]
It's hard to keep track of who's next in here. A lot seem to be getting skipped. I went back and hit a few that looked like they got missed. There was one in particular I liked.
[/ QUOTE ]
Don't know if the OP wants to take the time to do this, but a short post with a list of unreviewed arcs would help. Then all subsequent posts could just copy and paste the list, removing the one you reviewed and tacking yours on the end.
Maybe the following minimal info:
Arc # - Arc Title - Posted Date - Forum Id
131430 Starfare: First Contact
178774 Tales of Croatoa: A Rose By Any Other Name ( 2009 MA Best In-Canon Arc ) ( 2009 Player Awards - Best Serious Arc )
[ QUOTE ]
Overall, one of the best arcs I've played to date. I greatly enjoyed it.
Edit: I've been thinking about which arc I'd like critiqued and decided on:
80824 The Starfare Chronicles: First Contact
Factions: Custom, Rikti. CoT, Arachnos
Difficulty: Medium to Difficult depending on build ( Recommend bringing plenty of inspirations if soloing ). Designed for level 50. Has an EB/AV at the end.
Length: 5 chapters
Synopsis:
The League of Starfaring Races ( or Starfare for short ) normally doesn't contact backwater worlds such as ours. That is about to change, as their unrelenting enemy, the Zrak 'Tah, have shown an unusual interest in Earth. Starfare has sent a Special Ops force to investigate the matter....
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks again for the kind words and useful suggestions. I've added a lot of them last night, patched up the plot holes (you wouldn't believe how many come up the second you introduce time travel,) and cleaned some stuff up.
I'll definitely give yours a go. Can you send me a tell in-game with the Arc ID? Global is @Doc Photon.
I'm working a long day, so that'll help me remember to check it out when I log on.
Ok, I've posted in the thread once before, but I just finished my second arc, and I'd love to get some feedback from you guys on it.
Arc # 123815
Title: Queen for a Day
Genre: Adventure/humor
Difficulty: low-medium
Length: very long
Also, based on feedback from this thread and elsewhere, I've made some pretty major changes to my first arc, #20957 "Scaling the war walls". I'd love it if some of you serious critics would give it another look, help me to do a final proof and find any storyline inconsistencies along the way.
In return, I'm going to go back and find the last post previous to this one that does not seem to have been reviewed and give it a go, and I'll review the next person to post an arc, as well.
Ok, gonna run 82136 and 101857...I'll get critiques up asap.
Thanks much.
[ QUOTE ]
Arc ID: 82136
Name: Family Matters
Creator: @Shadow Guard
Description:: A new gang of Outcasts is making bold moves into Independence Port. What is the secret behind their newfound power and their role in the turf wars that plague the docks of Paragon City? (psst... AV fight)
Length: Long (5 missions w/ 1 short 3 med and 1 long but straightforward office map)
Difficulty: I envisioned it as a 20-30 arc (though technically it caps at 40 and mission 2 lets you go at 50). I made new amped up Outcasts with stacking buff/debuff and some control. Mission 5 ends an AV (an AV that I can't believe the devs did not already make!). So tougher than average, but I soloed it with a lvl 28 scrapper and ran through with minimal death on a team of 4.
[/ QUOTE ]
Just ran this arc solo on an inv/ss tank (tricked out) on unyielding.
Absolutely fantastic. The story is gritty and believable (if such can be said of CoX), the character development is great, the dialogue from the cop-contact is very practical, examining the political and "little evil for big evil" trade-offs that go on every day.
The mobs were interesting, fills a hole in CoX lore (what happens to the Outcasts after lvl 15?), and make sense. They are difficult, but not overwhelming (although the constant slow move/slow regen did get painful by the last mish).
The story of the Family involved (no spoiler) was poignant and made for emotional involvement. Good placement of allies, although I have to say that that girl, somthing-or-other knight, was pretty worthless. If she attacked one time to my ten, I'll eat my hat.
And, other than one very small grammatical error, the text was flawless. That's a big deal to me, as if I have to figure out what you MEANT to write, it breaks the immersiveness, which is why I play.
Five stars, dev's choice material, in my book. And I don't give out five stars lightly.
I'll get to 101857 later tonight.
Kudos to you!
Arc ID: 113682
Name: Lights, Action, Crime Spree!
Creator: @Skylord
Description: Something's wrong on the set of a new TV show. Is someone out to sabotage the project or using it to revive their flagging career?
Length: 3 missions, with an EB or AV at the end
[ QUOTE ]
80824 The Starfare Chronicles: First Contact
Factions: Custom, Rikti. CoT, Arachnos
Difficulty: Medium to Difficult depending on build ( Recommend bringing plenty of inspirations if soloing ). Designed for level 50. Has an EB/AV at the end.
Length: 5 chapters
Synopsis:
The League of Starfaring Races ( or Starfare for short ) normally doesn't contact backwater worlds such as ours. That is about to change, as their unrelenting enemy, the Zrak 'Tah, have shown an unusual interest in Earth. Starfare has sent a Special Ops force to investigate the matter....
[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe it's a bad metaphor, but I feel like you buried the lede on this. What's the coolest thing about this arc? To me, it's what happens to the ship. I think there's so much potential for a cool, immersive mission, but instead of focusing on the ship, you return to the Zraks, after a brief (and kind of unnecessary) jaunt underground.
Maybe you don't want to make it an arc about the ship. But in that case, I'd suggest you flesh out the origin of these Zrak guys. Even if they're your all-purpose world-conquering space marauders, give them some kind of personality so I know what I'm up against and why I should care. (In the CoH universe, after all, Earth faces an existential threat about every 20 minutes. Why is it important that I be the one to pick this one up?)
One way to do that? Bios. None of them seemed to have bios, even the EB.
I'd avoid much more dialogue as you go pretty heavy on it already and it's sometimes hard to catch it all in time.
But questions I'd ask to help flesh out the Zraks: Are they an impossibly vast cosmic empire built on militarism and autocracy? Or are they a barely cohesive warrior race without much of a political system? Are they expansive colonists? Or are they small enough that they mostly jump from star system to star system, annihilate everything and go on on their way? Do they have a warrior tradition? A religion? A sense of honor? A driving ethic or philosophy that explains their conquering ways? If you touched on any of these things, it didn't really shine through to me, and I guarantee I pay more attention than the average player will.
For gameplay, very few issues. I do take issue to any defeat-all that isn't in an exceptionally small map, though. And like with the last arc I covered, I don't like cramming a mission full of objectives if it has a climactic fight. After I took down the boss, I had to go zooming around the base to find the last hostage. Kind of annoying.
The big fight. Hell of a battle. I get the impression you went out of your way to make a really challenging enemy, and that's fine. I enjoyed it. Just know that if he's one-shotting my stalker, he's going to absolutely annihilate a casual player. If you're fine with that, so am I. There are a lot of Elites that I can solo more easily than it was to fight your boss with EB help.
I covered the typos in tells I sent to you, so that ought to be it. Use up as much of that extra arc space as you can to embellish the story, because it leaves the player hanging right now. Consider some optional objectives that shed light on the story maybe.
Another critique down. If I could, I'd like to put my earlier arc back in for consideration. I've addressed a lot of the things that came up in the previous review.
------------------------
Poster: http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/9391/timeo.jpg
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
Arc ID: 40267
Factions: The Council (with some customizations,) The 5th Column (again, customized), Axis America, various allies
Creator Global: @Doc Photon
Difficulty: Players under 40 will likely have a lot of trouble. Players 40 and up could find it easily solable or require help, depending on how well they work with AI allies and how they fight AV/EBs.
Synopsis: There's a mutiny going on in the Council. Word is that the Center has called off the alliance with the Nictus and are purging Nictus influence from the ranks.
But what's the real story? And why is a mysterious Council lieutenant leading a faction into Axis America?
[ QUOTE ]
Check my arc out and tell me what you think. (MA: 101857)
[/ QUOTE ]
Heya Joe,
Please don't take this the wrong way. I started your arc, but didn't finish it. The reason: it isn't finished. I say that not because the missions are unbalanced or the story is horrible, it's not. However, you DESPERATELY need to proof and rewrite the text, particularly the contact stuff. In the first mission alone, I counted over 14 typos and grammatical errors, from run on sentences to missing punctuation to misspellings. And that was just in the mission intro and mission accept dialogues. By the time I finished my notes, there were only 18 minutes left on the mission clock!
Get a friend or an sg-mate to run it and proof it for you. It's very difficult to proof your own stuff. Your mind sees what you meant to write instead of what you actually DID write.
I'll gladly run it again after it's done, but I don't want to tank your star rating unfairly. Lest you think I'm being A-R about this, consider: This is an exercise in creative writing. If I'm being distracted by that kind of thing, how am I going to appreciate the story you're trying to tell? 
Thank you for the feedback. I'm sitting close to 100% on this arc, what to cut, what to cut...
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Maybe it's a bad metaphor, but I feel like you buried the lede on this. What's the coolest thing about this arc? To me, it's what happens to the ship. I think there's so much potential for a cool, immersive mission, but instead of focusing on the ship, you return to the Zraks, after a brief (and kind of unnecessary) jaunt underground.
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I added the jaunt underground for a couple reasons, one of which was to explain what happened to the crew. I had 3 choices: 1. They all died, 2. they all got off the ship and are ok, 3. they got off the ship but need help. I chose option 3. Plus, I thought it would be a nice break from combat against just my custom faction. I'll certainly think about this, option 1 is a possibility, although after what happened to Tari, it would become a very dark arc.
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Maybe you don't want to make it an arc about the ship. But in that case, I'd suggest you flesh out the origin of these Zrak guys. Even if they're your all-purpose world-conquering space marauders, give them some kind of personality so I know what I'm up against and why I should care. (In the CoH universe, after all, Earth faces an existential threat about every 20 minutes. Why is it important that I be the one to pick this one up?)
One way to do that? Bios. None of them seemed to have bios, even the EB.
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I tried to do that with some of their dialog. I originally started out with a "Borg" concept, which gradually morphed into a Predator/Klingon/Independence Day hybrid. I'll need to figure some way to clear some space for bios however.
This arc was meant to be totally about the Zrak, however, it gradually became more and more about the contact as I fleshed it out. I have full intent to return to the ship with the second arc in the series - assuming I ever get a Devs choice.
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For gameplay, very few issues. I do take issue to any defeat-all that isn't in an exceptionally small map, though. And like with the last arc I covered, I don't like cramming a mission full of objectives if it has a climactic fight. After I took down the boss, I had to go zooming around the base to find the last hostage. Kind of annoying.
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Good points. I'll make the other objectives optional. The player should run into a number of them on the way, regardless.
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The big fight. Hell of a battle. I get the impression you went out of your way to make a really challenging enemy, and that's fine. I enjoyed it. Just know that if he's one-shotting my stalker, he's going to absolutely annihilate a casual player. If you're fine with that, so am I. There are a lot of Elites that I can solo more easily than it was to fight your boss with EB help.
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That is one that is going to be hard to balance. I originally had her as an EB. The last group I ran through (on Invinc) had seven members - she spawned as a normal boss, not EB. Go figure. I bumped her up to AV due to their feedback - she was way too easy for a group of seven.
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Consider some optional objectives that shed light on the story maybe.
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As soon as they bump the limit to 200k, I'll definitely do that. Thanks again for the feedback, I'll have to do some tweaking this evening...
131430 Starfare: First Contact
178774 Tales of Croatoa: A Rose By Any Other Name ( 2009 MA Best In-Canon Arc ) ( 2009 Player Awards - Best Serious Arc )
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Arc ID: 113682
Name: Lights, Action, Crime Spree!
Creator: @Skylord
Description: Something's wrong on the set of a new TV show. Is someone out to sabotage the project or using it to revive their flagging career?
Length: 3 missions, with an EB or AV at the end
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Played this this morning before work. Used a L50 Inv/EM tanker on Rugged.
Pros - Nice premise, fun banter by the boss in the last mission, good design for the mobs' costumes.
Cons - Typos, missing or too much text in certain spots.
Mission 1
The contact (which has no name) tells you that a friend of his is on a TV set, and that the actors are acting weird. He wants you to go investigate, and you do. Upon arriving it appears that the actors (in zombie costumes) are behaving like actual zombies. After you rescue the "friend" (that made the call to the contact), he says that "Carson really came through". I'm guessing that the contact's name is supposed to be Carson. You find a magical chest and destroy it.
Contacts with no names really bug me... I don't know why... but they do, and especially if they're refered to in the story. Also, the nav box is loaded with text, including something to the effect of "These actors want a fight? You've brought plenty of it.". 2 problems with this: 1 - it says that as I enter the mission, which kind of gives away the mystery. 2: I don't like the language that says that I'm prepared to whoop on a bunch of guys in makeup who pose a minimal threat to me.
Mission 2
The contact tells you that the trunk you destroyed was from a new prop company, and that there's another set where people are acting like their characters. Go check it out.
Entering the mission, you encounter minions dressed as "Ninja Master", "Bad Guy with Gun", and "Action Hero". They look cool and the idea is fun, but the mission feels like the contact has said to you: "go over here while I check stuff out". I don't mind this too much, but there's no new info in this mission. You find a magical amulet in a desk.
Mission 3
Your contact fills you in on the identity of the Boss, and how he has the power to make actors believe that they are their characters. You head off to stop him.
Up until now I'd only encountered minions. In mission 3 I started getting lut's, one of which was a Mastermind-type. Not a big deal, but I note it here because I don't know whether or not that was intentional or a bug in missions 1 & 2. The boss is also a Mastermind-type (thugs). Fighting him as an EB on an Inv tanker was no problem, but squishies could be in a little trouble. Didn't seem too bad, though. He has some nice lines during the fight.
Over all I rated it 4 stars because I think with some text editing to clean up typos and make the plot a little clearer, it would be a solid arc. Character design is nice, and I'd guess that you could run it in about 20 minutes.
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My arc:
Number - 84107
Changing Leaves
Contact - Countess Crey
Alignment - Heroic
Length - 3 missions, no kill alls
Mission 1 - Blinkies required, with option to fight a very tough AV (for those that want the challenge)
Mission 2 - Free Hostage
Mission 3 - Escort
Description - Countess Crey has contacted you because a remote team of hers has stopped checking in. Normally you wouldn't care about Crey, but the team was trying to stop a powerful creature that's been hurting a lot of innocent people. Saving people is your motivation, but what are the Countess'?
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Number - 84107
Changing Leaves
Contact - Countess Crey
Alignment - Heroic
Length - 3 missions, no kill alls
Mission 1 - Blinkies required, with option to fight a very tough AV (for those that want the challenge)
Mission 2 - Free Hostage
Mission 3 - Escort
Description - Countess Crey has contacted you because a remote team of hers has stopped checking in. Normally you wouldn't care about Crey, but the team was trying to stop a powerful creature that's been hurting a lot of innocent people. Saving people is your motivation, but what are the Countess'?
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Went ahead and ran this MArc, and picked up some feedback as I went along. I hope you find it useful.
Mission One: It seems odd that Countess Crey herself is coming to you. I'd rather have the contact be her Body Guard. But if you're stuck on the Countess, I'd have her opening be along the lines of, "I'm sure you know who I am," and add a bit of condescending attitude. You also might want to have her elaborate why Paragon Protectors aren't up to the task, as those are effectively "Supers". The mission text color was nice. I had to run by the AV, as I chose not to fight him, to get to the last glowie. Not your fault, just mentioning it. Maybe elaborate in the clue, listing a few Radiation Overdose symptons
Mission Two: I'm reminded again that the Countess' Body Guard might have been a better choise for a contact, based on the dialog. It just seems kind of "campy" and "Snidely Whiplash" for the Countess Crey. At level 30, Crey is designed to be a "legitimate" company, and isn't very open about their works. Maybe have the players be lured to the facility under false pretenses (Father Root broke free!) and attempt to have their mind wiped (non-essential glowie w/ clue to it's purpose). The Mission Completion Clue doesn't do much for the story, and it's loss wouldn't be noticed. It's only re-itterating something you knew from the start of the mission. Maybe change it to a clue regarding the release of Father Root, where he goes, how he's feeling, anything.
Mission Three: Again, her dialogue sounds "campy" and out of character. Even when she was being hunted down and captured she was calm and collected to the last dialogue bubble. What you have here doesn't seem like her at all. I do like the contast between the first mission's map and the third.
Ultimately, I ended the mission with a feeling of 4/5. Closer to 3/5, but since most of my complaints consist of dialog flaws, and those can be easy enough to fix. Functionally, the missions were sound, and fairly enjoyable. I personally may have artificially limited the first mission by including a Crey Hostage or two.
And so, now for my arc!
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Arc Name: The Clockwork Crusade
Arc ID: 126073
Faction: Arachnos, Vahzilok, Council, Clockwork
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate, designed to be solo able by any AT
Mission Levels: 1-20
Synopsis: You may have failed a couple missions, botched a few jobs for your contacts, but that's no reason to be turned into a pariah. And now there's a Clockwork following you around. It's got some leads against rival factions, so you take him up on it.
Estimated Time to Play: 30 Minutes to an Hour.
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Number - 84107
Changing Leaves
Contact - Countess Crey
Alignment - Heroic
Length - 3 missions, no kill alls
Mission 1 - Blinkies required, with option to fight a very tough AV (for those that want the challenge)
Mission 2 - Free Hostage
Mission 3 - Escort
Description - Countess Crey has contacted you because a remote team of hers has stopped checking in. Normally you wouldn't care about Crey, but the team was trying to stop a powerful creature that's been hurting a lot of innocent people. Saving people is your motivation, but what are the Countess'?
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Went ahead and ran this MArc, and picked up some feedback as I went along. I hope you find it useful.
Mission One: It seems odd that Countess Crey herself is coming to you. I'd rather have the contact be her Body Guard. But if you're stuck on the Countess, I'd have her opening be along the lines of, "I'm sure you know who I am," and add a bit of condescending attitude. You also might want to have her elaborate why Paragon Protectors aren't up to the task, as those are effectively "Supers". The mission text color was nice. I had to run by the AV, as I chose not to fight him, to get to the last glowie. Not your fault, just mentioning it. Maybe elaborate in the clue, listing a few Radiation Overdose symptons
Mission Two: I'm reminded again that the Countess' Body Guard might have been a better choise for a contact, based on the dialog. It just seems kind of "campy" and "Snidely Whiplash" for the Countess Crey. At level 30, Crey is designed to be a "legitimate" company, and isn't very open about their works. Maybe have the players be lured to the facility under false pretenses (Father Root broke free!) and attempt to have their mind wiped (non-essential glowie w/ clue to it's purpose). The Mission Completion Clue doesn't do much for the story, and it's loss wouldn't be noticed. It's only re-itterating something you knew from the start of the mission. Maybe change it to a clue regarding the release of Father Root, where he goes, how he's feeling, anything.
Mission Three: Again, her dialogue sounds "campy" and out of character. Even when she was being hunted down and captured she was calm and collected to the last dialogue bubble. What you have here doesn't seem like her at all. I do like the contast between the first mission's map and the third.
Ultimately, I ended the mission with a feeling of 4/5. Closer to 3/5, but since most of my complaints consist of dialog flaws, and those can be easy enough to fix. Functionally, the missions were sound, and fairly enjoyable. I personally may have artificially limited the first mission by including a Crey Hostage or two.
And so, now for my arc!
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Arc Name: The Clockwork Crusade
Arc ID: 126073
Faction: Arachnos, Vahzilok, Council, Clockwork
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate, designed to be solo able by any AT
Mission Levels: 1-20
Synopsis: You may have failed a couple missions, botched a few jobs for your contacts, but that's no reason to be turned into a pariah. And now there's a Clockwork following you around. It's got some leads against rival factions, so you take him up on it.
Estimated Time to Play: 30 Minutes to an Hour.
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Thanks for the great feedback. I was going for the "everyone below me sucks" feel with the Countess, but obviously missinterpreted her from her in-game persona. I'll change that based on your suggestions. I also like the idea of a lone Crey hostage in the 1st mission. He could reveal some info about the true Crey motives., and will cause the player to have at least 1 battle. Good Idea, thanks.
I'll run your arc tonight. They don't let me play at work
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Arc ID: 82136
Name: Family Matters
...
The story of the Family involved (no spoiler) was poignant and made for emotional involvement. Good placement of allies, although I have to say that that girl, somthing-or-other knight, was pretty worthless. If she attacked one time to my ten, I'll eat my hat.
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Wow. I blush. Thank you.
Pet AI can be pretty worthless sometimes. I wish I understood why.
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My AE Story Arcs:
Family Matters - 82136
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Arc Name: Fallen Angel: Crossing Over
Arc ID: 111352
Faction: Villainous
Creator Global: @twiig
Difficulty Level: Higher levels recommended.. 25+ I'd say.
Synopsis: Arachnos is looking for potential heroes to convert and join Arachnos. Their newest target is an angel, but not for long.
Estimated Time to Play: "Very Long", but should not take more than an hour. Maps are small or medium and only 1 defeat all on a small map.
Note: Made this as a crossing over story for my main hero to become my main villain.
Spent the past week creating, but want to get more eyes on it for error correction and improvement. Some additions to text/dialog still needed.
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Nice to see a good villainous story for once, but I was kind of bugged by all the player terms in the arc. The characters talking about "Buffs" and "Badge Hunting" and "Rerolls", it was all rather surreal. Personally I would nix those terms, as it kind of kills the immersion. Although, once again, its nice to feel evil for once.
Also, positron was kind of a dolt. Why didn't he recognise angel Irene in the last mish? She was wearing the same damn costume!
Still, a fun little arc. Four stars
Heres mine:
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Name: The Descender
ID: 33034
Morality: Villainous. If your not comfortable with world domination, steer clear.
Length: Very Long, around an hour to two hours, depending on team makeup and build.
Difficulty: Moderate-Hard. Plenty of AV's, but plenty of help with them. One of the few arcs that is actually easier solo, due to the difference between AV's and EB's. (And it makes a better story solo)
Groups: Coralax, Arachnos, Circle of Thorns, Custom Group (The Virtea)
This is my stab at exploring the mythos behind the Coralax, one one the most enigmatic and underused villain groups in the game. It is also a world domination arc, so it is VERY non-canon.
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