Mission Arc Critiquing Thread

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It's hard to keep track of who's next in here. A lot seem to be getting skipped. I went back and hit a few that looked like they got missed. There was one in particular I liked.

87912 - The Dead and the Damned


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Thanks for the warm feedback! I tried very deliberately to balance seriousness with humor in this one, and some people seem to think it works better than others. It's a tough balancing act, and even the acknowledged master (Joss Whedon) occasionally stumbles and slips.

Your arc sounds interesting, and got a good review. I will play it.

Arc Name: Rise of the Arch-Lich
Arc ID: 38818

Faction: Custom Faction - Scions of Daeligon

Creator Global/Forum Name: @Molten Crusader

Difficulty Level: I designed the VG to be challenging but not impossible. They have a varying power builds but Necromancy as a staple for most of the male characters. I would suggest getting a fully fleshed out group for this arc (as with most AV hunting groups). I'm disappointed that I might have to remove some characters to add more flesh to my story but that is up to you the reviewers to decide. Most people are just farmers in AE and I am having a problem finding a full group to try my arc out with. Input about the different difficulty settings would be most appreciated as well as ideas about scaling the power sets' power levels, adding or removing a specific mob, or story ideas.

Synopsis: The basis of this mission arc is: an evil nasty lich dude is stirring and you are sent by a the spirit of a dead mage to stop him.

Estimated time to play: 4 Missions First 3 missions are item collect/boss fight with Daeligon the AV at the end of the 4th set in the giant graveyard.

I would appreciate any input about the VG. The first 4 reviews I got were 4 stars but, the last two had to be really low since I lost a star.

Thank you in advance

I'll be glad to review and critique your arc, just as soon as someone plays mine and does likewise. I've had time to play through and post reviews on two arcs in this thread since mine went up days ago, so I think I'll wait to do another till mine gets a little play.

123815. Feel free to give it a run, Molten Crusader. Or anyone else

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Arc Name: The Clockwork Crusade
Arc ID: 126073
Faction: Arachnos, Vahzilok, Council, Clockwork
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate, designed to be solo able by any AT
Mission Levels: 1-20
Synopsis: You may have failed a couple missions, botched a few jobs for your contacts, but that's no reason to be turned into a pariah. And now there's a Clockwork following you around. It's got some leads against rival factions, so you take him up on it.
Estimated Time to Play: 30 Minutes to an Hour.

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Pros - No typos, easy play
Cons - Premise assumes that the hero is a tool (see below)

Played with my mostly SO'ed L50 Fire/Fire blaster, exemp'ed down, on heroic.

The whole premise of this arc is that your hero has failed some missions and wants to drum-up some good publicity. I have 2 problems with this: 1 - The assumption that the hero is bad at being a hero, and 2 - that he would be willing to work with a known villain group just to improve his reputation. Neither of these things are new concepts, but having them forced on me kinda says that my hero is a tool.

Mission 1
You're contact is a clockwork, and he says that if you go clear out some Arachnos that have set up a base in Atlas Park, then you'll get some good press and the clockwork will take the scrap. It's a very straight-up fight the baddies mission. There's a nice popup as you exit which says that the clockwork scurry past you as you leave the Arachnos base. Nice visual.

Mission 2
The clockwork contact tells you about a Vazhilok base and that you should go and destroy the Vaz fluid drums. Then the clockwork will take the scrap... the price you're paying for the tip-off. Again, a simple mission. Defeat baddies and boss, and destroy barrels of fluid. You also have clickable crates that give a clue about the type of parts that the clockwork are collecting.

Mission 3
Next, the contact tells you that they tried to raid a Council base, but they got caught. They can't risk going back or the Council might declare war on the clockwork, so you'll have to go clear out the Council base so they can get the scrap. This one pushes the premise just over the edge to me. Now your character is just a clockwork enforcer. Sure, the Council are badguys... but what do I care if the 2 factions go to war? Also, defeat alls in a Council base equal much-bad-potential. 1 friggin Council soldier can hide in the tiniest place and it takes you a 1/2 hour to find the guy. This didn't happen to me luckily, but I've seen it too many times in regular missions. I recommend that you change the faction to something that would raid an office or something, if you want to keep the kill all.

Mission 4
After pressing the contact about the parts they've been gathering, he invites you into a sewer to see what they've been up to. They've created several prototypes for new clockwork, each having powers that normal clocks don't. They're well balanced for L1-20 characters. Defeat all of the prototypes to beat the mission.

I rated it 3 stars. Overall it has some nice potential, but I really think you need to change the angle that the hero is coming from. I was put off right from the start. The missions are easy to get through solo, and the writing is good. It's just the premise of the thing that bothers me. I didn't feel like a hero in the slightest, just a pawn being pushed through missions. Maybe you're uncovering clues about a clockwork plot as you fight the other factions. You go into a mission to fight Vaz, but somewhere in there is a clockwork spawn stealing parts...

Thanks for writing and posting the arc

Thank you very much, Night_Fyre. I did some serious rewriting and think it's come together in a much better way thanks to your feedback.

I've got two critiques out but only one in return so far. This one's been getting a pretty good response so I thought I'd throw it up.
THESE MACHINES KILL FASCISTS
Arc ID: 118731

Factions: The 5th Column, Rebelling 5th Column robots, and someone else. You'll figure it out soon enough.

Creator Global: @Doc Photon

Difficulty: Level range is 30-34. There's two custom enemies you might find a bit more difficult and one EB, but most of this arc should be about as difficult as a typical 5th Column arc at those levels.

Length: Just three missions. The second one often ends very quickly. Good for when you want a fast one to blow through.

Synopsis: The 5th Column is in trouble -- their robots have gone berzerk and turned against their masters. The prevailing opinion is the new Autonomous Command droids are on the blink and have hijacked the rest of them. Maybe. But what's with the strange things the robots are shouting now, as they tear their fleshy meatbag masters apart?

This was published once before but I took it down and changed some things pretty heavily to rebalance it. I much prefer it now, and player response has been even more positive than I expected. Here's hoping you like it.

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I'll be glad to review and critique your arc, just as soon as someone plays mine and does likewise. I've had time to play through and post reviews on two arcs in this thread since mine went up days ago, so I think I'll wait to do another till mine gets a little play.

123815. Feel free to give it a run, Molten Crusader. Or anyone else

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Alright, so I went through, and picked up where I left off. The first time I tried was on my Scrapper, and you know about that. Here's my second attempt. Most of this was written 'as I went', so if it seems a bit... disjointed, that's why. Feel free to reach me via PM for any clarifications you might want / need. And so, without further ramblings, my review:


Character: Level 41 AR / Devs Blaster. Mostly IOs, a few out leveled SOs and empty slots.

Mission One Text: Missing 'L' in crystal in sentence "When he hit the mage with an energy blast..." Double punctuation in the sentence "Your mother was taken to the hospital., examined..." Plus, that's a run on sentence, might want to break it up, "...to the hospital and examined. While the doctors..."

Mission One Play: The Trash Collector spawned in a spot I had already passed through, and through pure chance I needed to go through again. Seems his spawn is linked to the Janitors? Still failed the mission, as The Hive Master never stopped to fight. Did even worse then with my Scrapper.

Mission Two Text: There's nothing really indicating it's a timed mission until you accept and are half way through reading the Mission Accepted Text.

Mission Two Play: Right. If your goal was to cram as many "click these!" goals into an Orange Bagel map, you succeeded. :P In the Nav Text for the Weapon Racks left to find, there's a period at the end that's unneeded.

Mission Three Text: When the contact says "M.A.G.I." on her phone, she misses a period after the 'i'. There's a space between your "$name" and the comma after it in the mission text. Khelds get benefits for teaming with other Khelds, as opposed to what your patrols mentioned! Plus, at level 40-44, the NPCs are mostly Psi-Officers and Police Drones, not the Kheldians (who would show up at level 45+, I believe).

Mission Three Play: I'm sure you don't like me saying this but... 23 glowie collections? Really? I hate doing it in game when they give me inf. It's almost feeling like a badge farm disguised by a hatred for Asuria. The ambush at the end was kind of cute though.

Mission Four Text: Typo in the last paragraph: "The royal jelly your mother was caated in" (misspelled coated)

Mission Four Play: My mom is male now!! Plus she kept going into this "floating yoga" stance every time I went back after she lost me (because she kept doing this "floating yoga" stance) which made me stop and wait for her. And when (s)he "turned on me" I could target him(her?) as an enemy through tab, but could not attack, and my Trip Mines nor Caltrops registered her as an enemy. Plus, she wouldn't stop following me now. On the bright side, her defeat wasn't mandatory to the mission. Hive Master: Check his dialog for misspellings, accidental capitalizations, and such. His 'Defeated by Player" speech could be a bit better, something like, "Slowly dieing... Fading... Must.. Talk... Like... This!" Then have the actual monologue in the clue. Speaking of clues... I swear if this is a 'dream sequence', there will Bee blood. Not a big fan of the Eden map, because it doesn't allow the minimap to be used. But I understand why you used it.

Mission Five Text: I like the use of colors to denote actions, in addition to the parenthesis. See if you can include that in previous missions also. Maybe make a mention in the Mission Pop Up Text about hurting your 'Brothers and Sisters'. Or are they half brothers and half sisters? Oh, who can tell anyway, not much of a family resemblance. There's a period and space in the Nav Bar's "Re-Capture your mom. " that shouldn't be there. Maybe change the "and make sure he doesn't come back again" in the Nav bar, to something more 'stand alone friendly', like "make sure he doesn't come back", if only so the comma with the "Defeat the Hive Master" doesn't look weird in the middle of that sentence. Cute idea though.

Mission Five Play: This looks like a Banished Pantheon map... interesting choice. I would have gone with one of the big caves, the kind the Trolls or Tuatha de Dannon use. The Elite Boss kicked. my. [censored]. The Trash Man bolted, then complained that I left him. Might have been a Fear power. I couldn't do it. I tried repeatedly, but my Ally was no help, and I died every time to perma-mez. I couldn't even lure him onto a set of 8 trip mines. I had to give up at this point, so unfortunately I don't have any more feedback for you.


I hope this feedback helps. I ended up giving you a 3 out of 5. It was a good attempt, and I was kind of torn between a 2 or a 3. It needs a bit of polishing, and I think it could be made better. The humor was pretty good, once I got into it. Keep working on it!


Edit: in the mean time, I'm going to go ahead and re-pimp my MArc. It's the only one I have, and the only time it's been run, gave me great feedback to edit it, so it's story is almost reworked from the ground up!

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Arc Name: The Clockwork Crusade
Arc ID: 126073
Faction: Arachnos, Vahzilok, Council, Clockwork
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate, designed to be solo able by any AT
Mission Levels: 1-20
Synopsis: Hero Corps has asked you for some unique help. Seems the Clockwork are making some strange attacks against other villains. They've asked you to 'assist' them under cover.
Estimated Time to Play: 30 Minutes to an Hour.


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Yan, first off, thnx very much for the critique. Very thorough, I'll make sure to go through with a fine-toothed comb and get all the proofing stuff. I really appreciate it.

A few things I thought I should mention:

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The Trash Collector spawned in a spot I had already passed through, and through pure chance I needed to go through again. Seems his spawn is linked to the Janitors?

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Yes, it is. On purpose. The janitor even tells you that the ally willl "meet you by the front door." There is a reason for this, and it's unavoidable. Mostly because, whether I put "front", "middle" or "back", all the hostages seem to spawn wherever they damn well please. But the ally almost always spawns on the first floor. And, like I said...he has to be connected to the janitor.

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Still failed the mission, as The Hive Master never stopped to fight. Did even worse then with my Scrapper.


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The mission is designed to be easy to fail. As you saw, you face the Hive master two more times, and the third time's a doozy. If you succeed in beating him it still works, but failing is just fine, you miss nothing of the story, nor much of the mission.

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Mission Two Text: There's nothing really indicating it's a timed mission until you accept and are half way through reading the Mission Accepted Text.


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Well...yeah. But even if you're a slow reader, you only lose, what, 30 seconds? It's meant to add urgency to a glowie-click mission, and to discourage treating it as a defeat-all.

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Mission Two Play: Right. If your goal was to cram as many "click these!" goals into an Orange Bagel map, you succeeded. :P In the Nav Text for the Weapon Racks left to find, there's a period at the end that's unneeded.


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Actually, no. I could have put a LOT more clickies in there. But honestly, the CoT are packing up everything and moving out. One box wouldn't exactly make sense, now would it? And you don't really know what you're looking for, so you need to really search. Just because 10k arcs are badge-farming arcs with 100 glowies in them doesn't mean every other arc should have them only sparsely.

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There's a space between your "$name" and the comma after it in the mission text.

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I was having problems with the text reading "$name" if I didn't put a space between it and any punctuation following it. I'll test it further, but for now, at least it works.

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Khelds get benefits for teaming with other Khelds, as opposed to what your patrols mentioned!

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My face is red. I didn't know that.

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Plus, at level 40-44, the NPCs are mostly Psi-Officers and Police Drones, not the Kheldians (who would show up at level 45+, I believe).


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That I DID know. I tried to make the text generic, so that, if it weren't khelds, it would just sound like they were talking ABOUT khelds. Except for the mish entry popup. I'll change that. But the only way I could have assured Khelds would have been to put a Kheld boss in, and I didn't want to do that.

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Mission Three Play: I'm sure you don't like me saying this but... 23 glowie collections? Really? I hate doing it in game when they give me inf. It's almost feeling like a badge farm disguised by a hatred for Asuria.

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Well, I hear you. I feel the same about defeat-alls. But in this case...there are 19 zones in Paragon, and then the cardinal map points make four more, on the outskirts of the city proper. That makes 23. You didn't know where she went, and didn't have time to analyze each zone map to see which one to get next, nor did you know which computers held which maps for which zones. So, yeah. 23. It was story-driven, and it's NOT a badge farm. I hate those things.

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My mom is male now!!

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Huge body type is male by default. I don't like it, but there it is. And honestly...would it make more sense if a bee had breasts?!?

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Plus she kept going into this "floating yoga" stance every time I went back after she lost me (because she kept doing this "floating yoga" stance) which made me stop and wait for her. And when (s)he "turned on me" I could target him(her?) as an enemy through tab, but could not attack, and my Trip Mines nor Caltrops registered her as an enemy. Plus, she wouldn't stop following me now. On the bright side, her defeat wasn't mandatory to the mission.

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She gives text to indicate she doesn't want to leave, but doesn't attack you (she's still your mom, mentally. mostly.) And why would you hurt your mother if you didn't have to? Further, having her follow you keeps you from wondering why your captive is wandering all over the map, and it would be hard to say "she doesn't want to leave" if she then ran to the nearest exit and left. As to the difficulty with the escorting...well, yeah. All escorts suck. Part of the story. Sorry.

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I would have gone with one of the big caves, the kind the Trolls or Tuatha de Dannon use.

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Was trying to avoid a HUGE map, or anything with tech in it, or with Rikti tech (wanted to use an office/cave transition, but they all said "Rikti Cave"...that would have made no sense at all).

I'm sorry you were unable to defeat him. I had to make him more difficult than just a "boss" in the final map, but I didn't want to auto-exemp 50's to a lower level for the final fight, and that meant I either had to create a custom EB (less than 8% room left, not sure that's an option, but I'll give it a try) or use the Akarist AV and rename him and change the description. Didn't think he'd be that tough as an EB, but my tank is maybe a poor way to test that.

I think people with fully-slotted 50's will have less trouble, but I'll run it with some of my other toons and see if that's true. In any event, again, I really, REALLY appreciate the feedback.

And to anyone getting a headache from all this...I'm sorry for posting such a lengthy response in the thread, I know it's not for that purpose. But I felt like Yan's brutally honest public critique needed just a LITTLE bit of defensive rebuttal, so everyone wouldn't think my arc was completely thoughtless and poorly thrown together. Of course, now I've given them a bunch of spoilers.

Can't win for losing.

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THESE MACHINES KILL FASCISTS
Arc ID: 118731

Factions: The 5th Column, Rebelling 5th Column robots, and someone else. You'll figure it out soon enough.

Creator Global: @Doc Photon

Difficulty: Level range is 30-34. There's two custom enemies you might find a bit more difficult and one EB, but most of this arc should be about as difficult as a typical 5th Column arc at those levels.

Length: Just three missions. The second one often ends very quickly. Good for when you want a fast one to blow through.

Synopsis: The 5th Column is in trouble -- their robots have gone berzerk and turned against their masters. The prevailing opinion is the new Autonomous Command droids are on the blink and have hijacked the rest of them. Maybe. But what's with the strange things the robots are shouting now, as they tear their fleshy meatbag masters apart?

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Rating: 4 stars

Mission 1: "A Worried Officer" explains that some of the 5th Column's robots have gone out of control and he wants your help to reign them in and find out why. After accepting the mission, he mentions that the problem might be to do with their new ACD robots, designed to act as field command units.

It's not clear why you'd want to help the 5th Column, nor why they would need your help. Even without their robots, they've still got plenty of ground troops. If you talk to him again after accepting the mission, he says something about the robots being a threat to everybody, but I think their needs to be some clear reason why you and the 5th Column need each other.

The mission itself is in a 5th Column/Council cave map (I've never done the Striga Isle task force, but I think that's where this map comes from). Your goal is to find information about what's going on and defeat an ACD named Botskrieg. The mission makes good use of patrols and battles between the rogue robots and 5th Column troops. The rogue robots are pretty funny shouting communist slogans.

After accessing a 5th Column computer, you find that the 5th Column's robots have actually been hacked from outside.

Mission 2: Next, "A Worried Officer" sends you to "Clandestinet", which is some sort of hacker haven in the Rogue Isles, to investigate the IP address you found in the first mission. There's not much to this mission. It's a single glowie on small office map populated with security guards. There's some clever entry text and patrol dialog, but this mission gets wrapped up quickly. After finding the information you want, your ultimate nemesis is revealed: The Freakshow! The hole thing is apparently a big Freakshow joke.

Mission 3: "A Worried Officer" informs you that most of the rogue robots have been repaired, but he still wants your help taking down the Freakshow hacker. The 5th Column has a set up a fake base to lure the hacker in (there's some exposition about cutting off all computer access except physically going to the base). "A Worried Officer" wants you to go there, spring the trap, and put the hacker down.

The mission is in another large 5th Column/Council cave map. Your goal is to defeat the hacker and everyone in the final room. No real surprises in this mission, more robot/5th column battles, some patrols and an ally.

The hacker himself is a custom NPC named Trash-80, and is also an elite boss. There was a small glitch with his unaware dialog, where $name didn't get replaced with my character's name. I don't really have a decent villain character, so I was playing this with my 28 tanker. I managed to defeat Trash-80 with the help of the wedding band temp power and a lot of kiting, but I can see a lot of people not being able to finish this solo. To be fair, there is a warning right in the mission description. Trash-80 has some good dialog as you're fighting, apparently very eager to convince you that this is all pretty funny.

After defeating Trash-80, you find a blueprint for a moon base. When you take this back to your contact he denies knowing anything about it, and begrudingly thanks you and tells you to take your money and go.

Conclusion: There are three problems I see with this arc. One, it's listed as 'neutral' but there's no real reason to help 5C as either a hero or a villain. There's an offhand comment about a threat to everyone (that most people won't see) and a mention at the very end of money, but I think it really needs to make the reason for helping them more explicit at the beginning of the arc.

More problematically, is why the 5th Column would come to you in the first place. They have lots of resources and lots of guys, so why put themselves into a vulnerable position when they should be able to hand the problem themselves (you do end up stealing their moon base plans after all).

Finally, the EB at the, while beatable by me, seemed out of place. The arc is pretty light-hearted, and Trash-80 is not presented as some dire threat that must be stopped, but rather as a practical joker looking for a laugh. This just didn't seem to me like an arc that would result in a climactic battle with a powerful enemy. This is more of a personal preference though, so if the problems of the motivations were cleared up, I think I would bump this up to 5 stars.

I hope this was helpful.

If anyone would like to give my arc a whirl, I'd love some feedback.

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Arc Name: Crasher & the Tech Web
Arc ID: 92952
Morality: Heroic
Faction: Custom Enemy Group, others
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Nightseed
Difficulty Level: Moderate
Mission Levels: 1-54, but developed with a mid-20s tanker
Synopsis: The Tech Web is making a name for itself on the streets of Paragon City. Help Meg Mason investigate this mysterious new gang.
Estimated Time to Play: Less than an hour

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guy's review of my arc

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Good points. I tell people the same things with their arcs. "Who is this guy? Why should I care?" But it's hard to see those flaws in your own stuff. Fortunately, I know exactly how to wrap those problems up. I'll probably have something up within the day.

Thanks again.

EDIT: Heavy edits of dialogue to flesh out the character a little more. Trash-80 reduced to Boss (but a challenging one!)

I debated the change of Trash-80, but after playing it a few more times, I think you're right. EB was appropriate when it was a higher level arc, but throttled down to 30-34, a strong boss is more appropriate.

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Arc Name: The Clockwork Crusade
Arc ID: 126073
Faction: Arachnos, Vahzilok, Council, Clockwork
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate, designed to be solo able by any AT
Mission Levels: 1-20
Synopsis: Hero Corps has asked you for some unique help. Seems the Clockwork are making some strange attacks against other villains. They've asked you to 'assist' them under cover.
Estimated Time to Play: 30 Minutes to an Hour.


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I enjoyed this arc, played it solo with my level 12 Psi/Psi Blaster on Heroic, and most of the bad parts were simply part of playing level 12 characters (lots of misses, End problems, etc....) Never died, but came close a couple times, which suggests it's just about right as far as difficulty.

A very cool idea at the root of the arc, and I liked the new custom villain designs. The only thing that's maybe a problem is the three run-up missions, which are understandably a little generic, and while "defeat all" missions *do* make sense for the arc, they still can be a little tedious. I'd consider putting the Council/Office mission in particular in a smaller map. Near the end of that one, I was getting impatient to get back to figuring out what the Clockwork are up to.

Minor "bug" type thing: Probably not much that can be done about it (and it happens in "official" missions a lot too), but in the Vahzilok mission, dialogue was often spoken by Abominations.

It's a good arc, and I gave it 4 stars, but I thought it lacked the "oomph" or something extra required to really put it over the top. I'd like to see a sequel, though, with the new Clockwork models!

And here's my newest arc:
Arc Name: Ashley Porter and the Gorilla War
Arc ID: 130809
Faction: Heroic (or, perhaps, anti-fascist villains in 1941.)
Creator Global/Forum Name: suedenim
Difficulty Level: Medium. Not intended to be super-difficult, but be warned, there is an Elite Boss at the end.
Tags: [SFMA][HRMA][MWMA]
Synopsis:
An adaptation of the classic 1938 film Ashley Porter and the Gorilla War (see also: Ashley Porter Diamond Anniversary Special.)

Ashley Porter, the famed Western heroine, has stabled her trusty black mare, Shadow, for the duration of the war, as she leads an all-girl aviation commando team, the Blackhorse Squadron. And "Lady Blackhorse" needs your help, because the Uzbek Lowland Gorillas are revolting!

(No, no, not like the fellas in the Spanish Civil War. The big primates.)

All-out military action in the classic Ashley Porter style, featuring the Blackhorse Squadron, the sinister Germans of Abwehr Section 2, the Red Army, and Uzbek Gorilla Partisans!

I went ahead and reviewed this arc, because it mentioned it was developed with a mid 20's Tanker, a place where my Scrapper currently is.
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Arc Name: Crasher & the Tech Web
Arc ID: 92952
Morality: Heroic
Faction: Custom Enemy Group, others
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Nightseed
Difficulty Level: Moderate
Mission Levels: 1-54, but developed with a mid-20s tanker
Synopsis: The Tech Web is making a name for itself on the streets of Paragon City. Help Meg Mason investigate this mysterious new gang.
Estimated Time to Play: Less than an hour

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This time, I'm going to write a light overview here, and send the full length review in a PM. This way, I'll let the Arc Holder decide if they want to release any of the criticism, because this arc DOES have spoiler potential, more then most arcs you'll find even in the Canon story. Sorry folks.

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Over all: VERY enjoyable arc. I was torn between some of the negatives and all the positives, but in the end, the negatives the arc had were minor and easily fixed, and it would feel like a crime to hold the Five Star rating hostage because of some obviously over looked revisions.

I absolutely recommend this story for anyone interested in a story based mission arc. The enemies were neither too hard nor too easy (except for the finnal mission's boss, who just felt a bit easy), and it was soloable by my Level 23 Claws/SR Scrapper with mostly DOs and a few IOs. So, in the end, I give this arc a 5/5. Thank you for the enjoyable mission arc!

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EDIT: Oh, right... I keep forgetting this part of the thread. I've got some more feedback, and I appreciate that, and it's being refined like a pebble in one of them old rock polisher machines. You remember them, right? I'm not showing my age now, am I?

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Arc Name: The Clockwork Crusade
Arc ID: 126073
Faction: Arachnos, Vahzilok, Council, Clockwork
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate, designed to be solo able by any AT
Mission Levels: 1-20
Synopsis: Hero Corps has asked you for some unique help. Seems the Clockwork are making some strange attacks against other villains. They've asked you to 'assist' them under cover.
Estimated Time to Play: 30 Minutes to an Hour.


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Arc Name: The Clockwork Crusade
Arc ID: 126073
Faction: Arachnos, Vahzilok, Council, Clockwork
Creator Global/Forum Name: @YanYan
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate, designed to be solo able by any AT
Mission Levels: 1-20
Synopsis: Hero Corps has asked you for some unique help. Seems the Clockwork are making some strange attacks against other villains. They've asked you to 'assist' them under cover.
Estimated Time to Play: 30 Minutes to an Hour.


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ok i gave your arc a run... here are some of my thoughts and typos that i saw as i ran through...

so why am i interested in working with the clockwork?

the first mission pop up reads funny, had to read a couple of times for it to make sense. it is not clear in the opening dialogue that this is for the hero corps.

the first mission clue is a bit awkward, something about setting up and becoming fierce comes off as a run on sentence.

not sure how a clockwork can wink at you... just an observation, not a complaint...

excellent is spelled excelent in the Mission 1 debrief.

in third mission popup it says "sgetting"

your clockwork creation info says "as much, it's much more..." as such? maybe?

last mission exit popup it says "eithe"

ok. this was an ok arc. there are multiple problems that i saw. one common problem in arcs is original justification. it is not exactly clear as to why the hero corps would send me to the clockwork first to do what ends up being their dirty work. why are you sent there? what is the motivation?

in your synopsis you mention that the hero corps asked you, but that his not really clear until the mission entry pop-up. your synopsis does not really fit what is happening in the story. are you investigating the clockwork for hero corps? or does hero corps want you to help the clockwork for whatever reason and they are double crossing you and hero corps?

these are questions that you do not need to answer to me, but they should become clear to the player initially or as they go along.

that is all i can think of right now.

ok here is my latest up for review. please keep giving me feedback. i will try to reply to any message that i can...

Arc: Hero Therapy! (TM)
Arc ID: 119228
Author: Ridiculous Girl
Number of Missions: 4
Description: Do YOU have nightmares about the Vahzilok? Can't sleep because you failed to defeat that Boss over and over again? Do you let your teammates down because you run away from Malta sappers? Do clowns make you have an anxiety attack? Try HERO Therapy (TM)! Start Today! 4 EASY sessions! (1EB,1AV but you get ally help)

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: Crasher & the Tech Web
Arc ID: 92952
Morality: Heroic
Faction: Custom Enemy Group, others
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Nightseed
Difficulty Level: Moderate
Mission Levels: 1-54, but developed with a mid-20s tanker
Synopsis: The Tech Web is making a name for itself on the streets of Paragon City. Help Meg Mason investigate this mysterious new gang.
Estimated Time to Play: Less than an hour


[/ QUOTE ]

I ran through this mission last night, and completed this morning. I have just a few comments:

1) Overall, no obvious typos - except on the closing text where it says "is going with her", I believe it should be "are".

2) Since Meg Mason is the contact, I would use one of the existing lowbie gangs instead of a custom group. Decent enough "street tough" group, but nothing that really differentiated them from the existing canon gangs. You could use the space to fill out your main villain group.

3) Your contact hologram says... "Contact Hologram". Not sure if that's intentional, since you have the "Aha! I fooled you" premise, but I'd prefer it to say Meg Mason.

4) Having to go back and hunt down the "Crazed Police" in mission 1 was annoying. I'd use an ambush.

5) Mission 1: My suspicion that the device would impact civilians - why would I suspect that? I know nothing about the device.

6) Mission 2: The master plan is to turn people into psychopaths.... To what end?

7) The overall premise that I'm talking to a "fake" Meg Mason just doesnt flow. Starting with the "I'm pulling my hair out", followed by a liberal dose of "Dear" and "Darling", then the "Chop! Chop! Be quick about it!" (paraphrased). I was fooled? The contact just oozed with contempt and sounded nothing like the canon Meg Mason.

Then, after I'm framed, the contact suddenly switches to the real Meg Mason. Where did she come from?

My suggestion: Have the real Meg Mason as the contact throughout the arc. Have the villains frame me for something in the course of doing the second or third mission.

8) Nice custom group and good costume designs.

9) Final mission. I'm not opposed, in general, to having outdoor map searches, although a number of people on the forums have made it clear that they are. If you are going to do one, have it on a one level map, not on one of these multi level factory yard maps. Someone without flight is going to quit at this point and probably give you a low rating.

10) Crasher spawns as a Lt. on heroic. If this arc is intended for lowbies, that's fine. If you intend for it to be played by all levels, I'd bump her up a notch.

11) In all the time I've played on blue side, I've never run into the "PPD Awakened". If this is something encountered only on red side, I'd avoid using on a blue side mission.

Edit:
I made a major change to chapter 4 of my arc and unpublished/republished, if someone could critique, I'd appreciate it:

[ QUOTE ]

131430 The Starfare Chronicles: First Contact
Factions: Custom, Rikti
Difficulty: Medium to Difficult depending on build ( Recommend [/b]bringing plenty of inspirations if soloing ). Designed for level 50. Has an EB/AV at the end.
Length: 5 chapters
Synopsis:
The League of Starfaring Races ( or Starfare for short ) normally doesn't contact backwater worlds such as ours. That is about to change, as their unrelenting enemy, the Zrak 'Tah, have shown an unusual interest in Earth. Starfare has sent a Special Ops force to investigate the matter....


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]

ok. this was an ok arc. there are multiple problems that i saw. one common problem in arcs is original justification. it is not exactly clear as to why the hero corps would send me to the clockwork first to do what ends up being their dirty work. why are you sent there? what is the motivation?

in your synopsis you mention that the hero corps asked you, but that his not really clear until the mission entry pop-up. your synopsis does not really fit what is happening in the story. are you investigating the clockwork for hero corps? or does hero corps want you to help the clockwork for whatever reason and they are double crossing you and hero corps?

these are questions that you do not need to answer to me, but they should become clear to the player initially or as they go along.


[/ QUOTE ]

I meant to mention this myself, but I largely agree. I also see that it's a difficult problem to remedy, because you can only have one contact. (AFAIK, there's no way to bounce characters back and forth between contacts, the way Indigo and Crimson do at various times in the normal missions.)

You have to explain the "undercover" premise in the arc advertisement, because obviously the Clockwork contact doesn't know about it. And you could make a Hero Corps person the contact, but then you lose the fun of the peculiar little Clockwork guy.

A thought just occurs to me, though, maybe you could add some colored text to the initial dialogue, and indicate that it's the character's "thought balloons?" Then lay out the undercover premise there.

Incidentally, I think this arc *might* push a button with some players that I've seen people get riled up about: the arc where the player is required to do stupid things that let her be used/abused/trapped by the bad guys. Personally, I don't think that's a valid criticism in this case, as the "undercover" premise covers that sort of thing. Undercover agents often have to make compromises to get or stay close to the situation, and if the character just says "no," the good guys won't learn about the Clockwork plan.

I want to thank you both, ridiculous_girl and suedenim, for your feedback and help. I went through and fixed the typos you found, and a few other things that stuck out at me, then went and did yet another script re-write!

I've made it a lot clearer, using suedenim's idea of separate colored text. If you get a chance, just pull up the arc and take a look at the first mission's briefing text. I sprinkled that style throughout the mission's texts, and updated a lot of clues and such to reflect this new development.

Thank you both again for your help!

[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: Rise of the Arch-Lich
Arc ID: 38818

Faction: Custom Faction - Scions of Daeligon

Creator Global/Forum Name: @Molten Crusader

Difficulty Level: I designed the VG to be challenging but not impossible. They have a varying power builds but Necromancy as a staple for most of the male characters. I would suggest getting a fully fleshed out group for this arc (as with most AV hunting groups). I'm disappointed that I might have to remove some characters to add more flesh to my story but that is up to you the reviewers to decide. Most people are just farmers in AE and I am having a problem finding a full group to try my arc out with. Input about the different difficulty settings would be most appreciated as well as ideas about scaling the power sets' power levels, adding or removing a specific mob, or story ideas.

Synopsis: The basis of this mission arc is: an evil nasty lich dude is stirring and you are sent by a the spirit of a dead mage to stop him.

Estimated time to play: 4 Missions First 3 missions are item collect/boss fight with Daeligon the AV at the end of the 4th set in the giant graveyard.

I would appreciate any input about the VG. The first 4 reviews I got were 4 stars but, the last two had to be really low since I lost a star.

Thank you in advance

[/ QUOTE ]

I ran this arc this morning with my IO'd L50 Inv/EM tanker on Rugged.

Mission 1
The contact is a strange magic box that says that you need to collect magical objects in order to stop a Liche from being resurrected. You go to a warehouse to fight some custom mobs. I felt that the mobs came off like generic dungeon crawl baddies. "Vampiric Assassin", for instance. There's no explanation for why vampires, or any of the other mobs, are there. Also, several of the mobs are Necro Masterminds, which I think should be removed. Not because Necro MMs are bad to use, but because you're trying to stop the return of a Liche, who will be summoning his own undead. Having the MMs as regular minions and lut's watered the impact of the AV down for me. Once you find the mission 1 EB, he's quite tough. Too tough for most soloists, so he should be turned down some. Also, give more explanation as to who the EB is. Having one just pop up seems to be "here's an EB just to have an EB" to me.

Mission 2
Go collect another magical artifact. Same mobs, same mission, different map. No boss to fight though, even though the mission send-off text says there will be.

Mission 3
Go collect another magical artifact. Same mobs, same mission, different map. EB is a Necro MM. See my previous statements (in mission 1 above) about MMs in the arc, and giving more explanation about the EB.

Mission 4
Upon collecting the magical artifacts throughout missions 1-3, thre magic box reveals that it is in fact the Liche and you've collected all of the artifacts that it needs to resurrect itself, for it. Go fight and defeat it. Here, the story turns from thin and repetitive to "Wha...?" Why would the Liche need me to go fight through abandoned warehouses to collect the artifacts from his own faction? It's fine to have a twist, but the twist needs to make sense. Maybe the guys you've been fighting all along are a group of good-guys protecting the artifacts so the Liche doesn't get rez'ed...? Maybe a hero "pure of heart" must collect all of the items together, thanks to an ancient prophecy...? Something needs to be written other than "Thanks for getting my stuff for me, fool!"

A couple of general things:

- If you're going to create custom mobs, write a one-line custom description for them. Even the Liche's description wasn't complete.
- You've got a few typos. Nothing major... mostly words with no spaces between.
- Missions 1-3 could all be 1 mission, not 3 missions for 1 artifact each. Missions need some variety.
- One of your baddies is called "Paladin" which traditionally is a term used for good guys, specifically knights. Change that to "Dark Paladin" or something.
- Put a warning in the mission description about the EBs/AVs being there.

Overall I think the arc has the potential to be good in the vein of a classic D&D dungeon-crawl type module. You'll need a lot more writing and balancing of the mobs, especially the EBs, to get it to where it needs to be, though.

Thanks for creating and posting the arc

_________________________________________________

Re-promotion of my arc:

Thanks to some great feedback from YanYan, I've tweeked the arc a bit and would greatly appreciate any feedback.

Number - 84107
Title - Changing Leaves
Contact - Countess Crey's Bodyguard
Alignment - Heroic
Length - 3 missions, no kill-alls
Mission 1 - Blinkies required, 1 hostage rescue required, with option to fight a very tough AV (for those that want the challenge)
Mission 2 - Free Hostage
Mission 3 - Escort

Description - Countess Crey's personal Bodyguard has contacted you because a remote Crey team has stopped checking in. Normally you wouldn't care about Crey, but the team was trying to stop a powerful creature that's been hurting a lot of innocent people. Saving people is your motivation, but is that all Crey Industries cares about?

Hi authors! I just (finally!) finished my first arc and would long to get some feedback on it. Here's the info:

Story name: Another Brick in the War Wall
Arc ID: 134781
Length: long (3 missions)
Morality: Heroic
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 46-52. Contains boss, collection, patrol
Mission 2: Large size map, range 1-54. Contains A Destructible Object, Patrol, Escort.
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 40-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, A Destructible Object, Patrol, Release Captive.
Enemy Groups: Devouring Earth, Arachnos
Description: A bio-geology professor, known for his study of the Devouring Earth has gone missing in eastern Talos. Find him before he gets consumed by his work!

I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what arcs you've written and I'll be happy to review yours too.

Thanks,

-Buxley

[ QUOTE ]
Hi authors! I just (finally!) finished my first arc and would long to get some feedback on it. Here's the info:

Story name: Another Brick in the War Wall
Arc ID: 134781
Length: long (3 missions)
Morality: Heroic
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 46-52. Contains boss, collection, patrol
Mission 2: Large size map, range 1-54. Contains A Destructible Object, Patrol, Escort.
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 40-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, A Destructible Object, Patrol, Release Captive.
Enemy Groups: Devouring Earth, Arachnos
Description: A bio-geology professor, known for his study of the Devouring Earth has gone missing in eastern Talos. Find him before he gets consumed by his work!

I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what arcs you've written and I'll be happy to review yours too.

Thanks,

-Buxley

[/ QUOTE ]

Ran this this morning with my L50 IOd Inv/EM tanker on Rugged.

Mission 1
A scientist has gone missing (don't they all) in an area inhabited by DE. Go investigate.

The map is the outdoor one with the island. Not a kill-all, thankfully. There's a couple of clues to find, and a pretty tough DE EB/AV to fight to complete. This should be noted somewhere by the contact in the mission setup, otherwise it seems like the boss is in there just for the sake of having one. The clue you find relates to Arachnos.

Mission 2
You didn't find the scientist, but the contact knows of a series of caves nearby. Go check them out to see if you can find the missing person and look for clues to Arachnos involvement. Enemies are Arachnos, so I guess that means they're involved, hehe. Escort the hostage out and destroy the Arachnos items. Destroy items goal triggers after the scientist is lead out. This was a little annoying to me because I thought the mission was done, only to have the scientist send me back into the caves to hunt for the items. It seems that this happens because the scientist tells you his story (gives you a clue) after the rescue. Note: A little typo in the chat box text when you complete the escort ("I hear..." should be "I heard...", I believe).

Mission 3
You destroyed the devices that threaten the War Walls, but the plans to make them are still out there. Go deeper into the caves to destroy the computer that houses the plans. Baddies are Arachnos. 1 Rescue, 1 item destroy, 1 boss. 1 minor typo on mission-entry popup ("... shows sign..." should be "... shows signs...")

Individual notes

- VERY few typos, which is great to see
- Simple play
- Nothing to make you remember the arc. It is solid, but not special. I played it without any sense that I'd remember it, or want to play it again. Needs something more, but what I don't know...

Thanks for creating the arc and posting it

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Hi authors! I just (finally!) finished my first arc and would long to get some feedback on it. Here's the info:

Story name: Another Brick in the War Wall
Arc ID: 134781

...

I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what arcs you've written and I'll be happy to review yours too.

Thanks,

-Buxley

[/ QUOTE ]

Ran this this morning with my L50 IOd Inv/EM tanker on Rugged.

...

Thanks for creating the arc and posting it

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for the comments. I went through this morning and fixed the typos (I hate those!) and tweaked the first mission's send-off message to help explain the DE boss being there. I also want to improve his speech -- it's a little too human ATM.

Thanks again for the feedback!

-Buxley

Hey guys and gals. I've updated and tweaked my arc based on some of the feedback I'd gotten.

Name: Terrors of Old
Arc ID: 124746

I'd appreciate it if some of you could give the Arc a try and tell me what you think. Unfortunately a lot of the previous updates got reverted to an older copy somehow but I've verified this one So let me know what you think.

Thanks in advance!

[ QUOTE ]

Number - 84107
Title - Changing Leaves
Contact - Countess Crey's Bodyguard
Alignment - Heroic
Length - 3 missions, no kill-alls
Mission 1 - Blinkies required, 1 hostage rescue required, with option to fight a very tough AV (for those that want the challenge)
Mission 2 - Free Hostage
Mission 3 - Escort

Description - Countess Crey's personal Bodyguard has contacted you because a remote Crey team has stopped checking in. Normally you wouldn't care about Crey, but the team was trying to stop a powerful creature that's been hurting a lot of innocent people. Saving people is your motivation, but is that all Crey Industries cares about?

[/ QUOTE ]

Mission One
Could use a little bit more fleshing out - comments from the hostage and his captors, something in the activation bar when using the glowies.
Need to edit the Navigation Text (Singular) for the collection, so that when one device is left the compass text isn't just "device".
Typo - hostage rescue, "protectove" instead of "protective".
Typo - mission turn in, final line, "you're" instead of "your"


Mission Two
Typo - mission intro, last paragraph, "setup" instead of "set up"

Mission Three
More fleshing out could be done, primarily with the captive and the captors.
At the end, Father Root said to take one of his leaves. I presume this was an indication that you'd be giving a souvenir, but none was given.

Overall
Excellent, creative story. Nice and appropriate usage of colored text. Easily 4 stars off the strength of the story. Possible 5 after it's fully fleshed out and typos are wacked.




Arc Name: Tangled Webs and Reflecting Mirrors: Part One - The Deal
Arc ID: 133330
Creator Global: @Rodric
Difficulty: Medium - AV/EB present
Length: 1 hour, 5 missions
-Kill All
-Release Captive
-Kill All
-Collection
-Kill Bosses

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Number - 84107
Title - Changing Leaves
Contact - Countess Crey's Bodyguard
Alignment - Heroic
Length - 3 missions, no kill-alls
Mission 1 - Blinkies required, 1 hostage rescue required, with option to fight a very tough AV (for those that want the challenge)
Mission 2 - Free Hostage
Mission 3 - Escort

Description - Countess Crey's personal Bodyguard has contacted you because a remote Crey team has stopped checking in. Normally you wouldn't care about Crey, but the team was trying to stop a powerful creature that's been hurting a lot of innocent people. Saving people is your motivation, but is that all Crey Industries cares about?

[/ QUOTE ]

Overall
Excellent, creative story. Nice and appropriate usage of colored text. Easily 4 stars off the strength of the story. Possible 5 after it's fully fleshed out and typos are wacked.




Arc Name: Tangled Webs and Reflecting Mirrors: Part One - The Deal
Arc ID: 133330
Creator Global: @Rodric
Difficulty: Medium - AV/EB present
Length: 1 hour, 5 missions
-Kill All
-Release Captive
-Kill All
-Collection
-Kill Bosses

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks. I went back and added a bit more text, and fixed the typos. Jeez, just when you think you've gotten them all...

_________________________________________________

Arc Name: Tangled Webs and Reflecting Mirrors: Part One - The Deal
Arc ID: 133330

Played this on my L50 IO'd Inv/EM Tanker

Rodric wants you to collect several items for him so he can perform an ancient ritual that will grant the caster whatever he wants. When he's done, he'll give you the components so you can cast the ritual yourself.

Mission 1
Has you go to an alternate reality where the Hellions act as cops, to steal a straight razor from the Council. Kill-all.

I, like a lot of people, don't like kill-alls unless they have a very valid reason within the story. The contact tells you that he wants you to take care of everyone so the owner of the razor can't seek revenge. Not valid enough for me so the kill-all felt like it dragged.

Mission 2
Go to a dimension where pacifist CoT are being attacked by regular violent CoT, and find a candle-maker to give you a magic candle. Free hostage.

Why am I hopping dimensions and dealing with these strange realities? There's no background for this given other than "that's where you need to go". At least not a kill-all.

Mission 3
Go to another dimension to get the words for the spell. Another Kill-all, with the "Heroic" contact saying that he "... prefers a scorched earth approach to make sure that no one comes after him...". Kill-all CoT.

I started to not-like Rodric (the contact, not the player). Bad sign.

Mission 4
Last item to find. Silver Plate engraved with Vanessa DeVore's face on it. Carnies are the baddies, but not a kill-all... just a single clicky. The contact tells you that this time it's just a "... quick in and out..." Why is he not afraid of retribution from Carnies, but is from the CoT and Council?

At the end of the mission, Rodric tells you that's he's off to perform the ritual and that you should check back with him later.

Mission 5
Clicking the contact reveals that the contact has gone missing, and you talk to someone else in his SG. They tell you to go look for Rodric.

In the mission you fight 3 EBs, 2 of which are unexplained. The third is directly connected to Rodric but comes out of nowhere. Defeat the EBs and find a clicky. Custom mobs (the "army" of the 3rd EB).

Observations

- You lost me right off the bat with the thin premise of the story. "I need you to fetch some stuff, then when I'm done you can have it for yourself." generally doesn't work when doing Heroic arcs. Why can't the contact get it himself? Why is he assuming I'm a selfish tool who'll happily pop around dimensions for him? There needs to be much more writing done here.
- Only 1 typo... a missing period at the end of the 2nd paragraph on the mission 2 intro text.
- The idea of 4 missions to "find this item" really needs to be reexamined. It's way too repetitive and 2 of those being kill-alls is grueling. Combine the 4 missions into 1 and settle on 1 villain group. That will allow for more focus, and you can explain why that group is involved.
- Either come up with a really good reason for a kill-all or remove it from your arc. They are not necessary as is, and it makes no sense that the other missions would not be kill-alls based on the logic you used for the 2 missions that are.
- I'm not a fan of "the contact has gone missing". Not because it's a bad plot device, but because with the MArc mechanic you can't replace the Contact with something else at any point. So I had Rodric telling me that Rodric was missing, which destroys the immersion. A lot of architects have done this & I've yet to see an arc where it truly works.
- Dropping the name of your contact's SG into an arc without explanation or background makes it feel self indulgent. It's not bad to use them, but flesh that out a bit more to make it seem less like your just doing a shout-out to your SG.

Overall I think the arc needs a rewrite. I like the twist at the end very much, but it was too little pay-off for the rest of the time spent. the whole thing feels like a "Check out what's happening to my character..." story, rather than anything the player is truly involved in.

Thanks for writing and posting the arc. If changes happen I look forward to playing it again.

Might as well post mine, nobody will play it but if anyone does I would like to know so I know to do more stories

Legacy of a Dragon Chapter 1: A Demon's Maid
Arc ID: 138053
Morality: Neutral
Length: Long

This is ment to be played with a group however on challenge difficulty 1 it can be soloable with some cleverness

I think people are missing the point of posting a critic of a mission arc, THEN posting an arc to be reviewed. Not just jump in and dump an arc.