I just lowered my cholestrerol!
__________________________________
*Big Dramatic Speach with billions of soldiers*
<Recluse> Today is a great day my minions
<Minions> Why?
<Minion 1> Did you defeate statesman?
<Recluse> No, *zaps soldier with deathray* , I just saved alot of money by switching to geico!
<Minions> All Hail Geico!
<Recluse> Thats TREASON! *Zaps all the soldiers with deathray*
_______________________________________________
//sorta off topic on what ghostwidow would say
<Ghostwidow> DANGIT! RECLUSE YOU LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP AGAIN!
LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRROOOOOOOOOYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKINS!!!!
"Some people wrestle with their inner demons. I stabbed mine in the back of the head. He was a bleeder." - Black Mage
"We've trained you better than for you to use excuses like 'I didn't have control over what I was doing!'" - Major Tasker, Longbow
Lord Recluse: Soon we will control the Roque Isles and Paragon City. Statesman will bow.....wait what time is it?
Ghost Widow: Um, its 9:05 my lord.
Lord Recluse: Oh my God! I'm missing "The View" *turns on television* Ah, Star Jones, how i love you.
Statesman: So what are you going to do to me Recluse? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well do your worst!
Recluse: Release the Robotic Richard Simmons!
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Sirocco: So my Lord, what is the next step in your plan to conquer Paragon City?
Recluse: Sirocco, quick, bring me a pair of pantyhose, some whipped cream, a Tom Jones CD and 5 pairs of tonail clippers!
Sirocco: Brilliant my Lord! How will these things help the plan?
Recluse: What Plan?
Sirocco: Uuummmm...nevermind....
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
"Ok seriously, who farted?"
Black Scorpion: My Lord, two months have passed by and we still did not succeed in beating Statesman. What shall we do now?
Lord Recluse: I've got a plan.
Ghost Widow: *laughs heavily* And that would be?
Lord Recluse: I will finish Statesman with one of my alts...
Lord Recluse:I'm way too high...wait a sec 
<Lord Recluse>*stands at a massive computer display of Paragon City, hands clenched, eyes tight, sweating heavily*
<Ghost Widow>*enters* "What's wrong my Lord??? Has the Wretched Statesman doen something?
<Lord Recluse>*voice shaking* "No... I just... really have to go #2, but I can't fit on the toilet... with these stupid spider arms on my back! WHOSE IDEA WERE THESE FRIGGIN THINGS ANYWAY?!?!"
[ QUOTE ]
<Lord Recluse>*stands at a massive computer display of Paragon City, hands clenched, eyes tight, sweating heavily*
<Ghost Widow>*enters* "What's wrong my Lord??? Has the Wretched Statesman doen something?
<Lord Recluse>*voice shaking* "No... I just... really have to go #2, but I can't fit on the toilet... with these stupid spider arms on my back! WHOSE IDEA WERE THESE FRIGGIN THINGS ANYWAY?!?!"
[/ QUOTE ]
He poops in the woods 
"You know, I hear Ghost Widow's tower is haunted..."
Aegis Rose, Forcefield/Energy Defender - Freedom
"Bubble up for safety!"
[ QUOTE ]
Soldiers: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!
Wolf Spider #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
Soldiers: Burn her! Burn!
Recluse: How do you know she is a witch?
Wolf Spider #2: She looks like one.
Recluse: Bring her forward.
Ghost Widow: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
Recluse: But you are dressed as one.
Ghost Widow: They dressed me up like this.
Soldiers: We didn't, we didn't.
Ghost Widow: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
Recluse: Well?
Wolf Spider #1: Well, we did do the nose.
Recluse: The nose?
Wolf Spider #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!
Soldiers: Burn her! A witch! A witch! Burn her!
Recluse: Did you dress her up like this?
Soldiers: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, a bit, a bit.
Wolf Spider #1: She has got a wart.
Recluse: What makes you think she is a witch?
Wolf Spider #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
Recluse: A newt?
Wolf Spider #3: I got better.
Wolf Spider #2: Burn her anyway!
Soldiers: Burn! Burn her!
Recluse: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
Soldiers: Are there? What are they? Tell us, tell us. Do they hurt?
Recluse: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
Wolf Spider #2: Burn!
Soldiers: Burn, burn them up!
Recluse: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Wolf Spider #1: More witches!
Wolf Spider #2: Wood!
Recluse: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
Wolf Spider #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
Recluse: Good!
Soldiers: Oh yeah, yeah...
Recluse: So, how do we tell whether she, is made, of wood?
Wolf Spider #1: Build a bridge out of her.
Recluse: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Wolf Spider #2: Oh, yeah.
Recluse: Does wood sink in water?
Wolf Spider #1: No, no.
Wolf Spider #2: It floats! It floats!
Wolf Spider #1: Throw her into the pond!
Soldiers: The pond!
Recluse: What also floats in water?
Wolf Spider #1: Bread!
Wolf Spider #2: Apples!
Wolf Spider #3: Very small rocks!
Wolf Spider #1: Cider!
Wolf Spider #2: Great gravy!
Wolf Spider #1: Cherries!
Wolf Spider #2: Mud!
Wolf Spider #3: Churches -- churches!
Wolf Spider #2: Lead -- lead!
Sirocco: A duck.
Soldiers: Oooh.
Recluse: Exactly! So, logically...,
Wolf Spider #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
Recluse: And therefore--?
Wolf Spider #1: A witch!
Soldiers: A witch! A duck! A duck!
[/ QUOTE ]
LOL Monty Python 
Tattoo Artist: And what design have you chosen, milord?
Recluse: I'm really partial to this heart one, with the ribbon across it. Do you think putting "Mako" on the ribbon is bad luck?
"City of Heroes. April 27, 2004 - August 31, 2012. Obliterated not with a weapon of mass destruction, not by an all-powerful supervillain... but by a cold-hearted and cowardly corporate suck-up."
LR: Hide the weed,get the airfreshener, i hear something
<.<
>.>
O-o
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Soldiers: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!
Wolf Spider #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
Soldiers: Burn her! Burn!
Recluse: How do you know she is a witch?
Wolf Spider #2: She looks like one.
Recluse: Bring her forward.
Ghost Widow: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
Recluse: But you are dressed as one.
Ghost Widow: They dressed me up like this.
Soldiers: We didn't, we didn't.
Ghost Widow: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
Recluse: Well?
Wolf Spider #1: Well, we did do the nose.
Recluse: The nose?
Wolf Spider #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!
Soldiers: Burn her! A witch! A witch! Burn her!
Recluse: Did you dress her up like this?
Soldiers: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, a bit, a bit.
Wolf Spider #1: She has got a wart.
Recluse: What makes you think she is a witch?
Wolf Spider #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
Recluse: A newt?
Wolf Spider #3: I got better.
Wolf Spider #2: Burn her anyway!
Soldiers: Burn! Burn her!
Recluse: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
Soldiers: Are there? What are they? Tell us, tell us. Do they hurt?
Recluse: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
Wolf Spider #2: Burn!
Soldiers: Burn, burn them up!
Recluse: And what do you burn apart from witches?
Wolf Spider #1: More witches!
Wolf Spider #2: Wood!
Recluse: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
Wolf Spider #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
Recluse: Good!
Soldiers: Oh yeah, yeah...
Recluse: So, how do we tell whether she, is made, of wood?
Wolf Spider #1: Build a bridge out of her.
Recluse: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Wolf Spider #2: Oh, yeah.
Recluse: Does wood sink in water?
Wolf Spider #1: No, no.
Wolf Spider #2: It floats! It floats!
Wolf Spider #1: Throw her into the pond!
Soldiers: The pond!
Recluse: What also floats in water?
Wolf Spider #1: Bread!
Wolf Spider #2: Apples!
Wolf Spider #3: Very small rocks!
Wolf Spider #1: Cider!
Wolf Spider #2: Great gravy!
Wolf Spider #1: Cherries!
Wolf Spider #2: Mud!
Wolf Spider #3: Churches -- churches!
Wolf Spider #2: Lead -- lead!
Sirocco: A duck.
Soldiers: Oooh.
Recluse: Exactly! So, logically...,
Wolf Spider #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
Recluse: And therefore--?
Wolf Spider #1: A witch!
Soldiers: A witch! A duck! A duck!
[/ QUOTE ]
LOL Monty Python
[/ QUOTE ]
I can do you a better one...
Lord Recluse: Brother Mako, read the book of armaments chapter six, page two...
Mako: And Saint Atilla placed the hand grenade apon the alter and said. "Lord, bless this thine hand grenade. So that I may blast my enemys into tiny bits and pieces in your name." And the lord, he did grin. And they feasted apon the lambs, and the cows, and the baboons, and the breakfast cerials...
LR: Mako, skip a few pages...
The Inspiration Shop Sketch (apologies to Monty Python)
(Lord Recluse clicks on the contact.)
Lord Recluse: Good Morning.
Cheese Contact: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Inspiration Emporium!
Lord Recluse: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Cheese Contact: What can I do for you, Sir?
Recluse: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the Arachnos Headquarters in Nerva Archipelago just now,
skimming through "Rogue Islands" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over
all peckish.
Contact: Peckish, sir?
Recluse: Esuriant.
Contact: Eh?
Recluse: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!
Contact: Ah, hungry!
Recluse: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little power boost will do
the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and
infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some inspirational
comestibles!
Contact: Come again?
Recluse: I want to buy some inspirations.
Contact: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
Recluse: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the
Terpsichorean muse!
Contact: Sorry?
Recluse: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
Contact: So he can go on playing, can he?
Recluse: Most certainly! Now then, some inspirations please, my good man.
Contact: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Recluse: Well, eh, how about a little red enrage.
Contact: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red enrage, sir.
Recluse: Oh, never mind, how are you on insights?
Contact: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it
fresh on Monday.
Recluse: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Restoration, if
you please.
Contact: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
Recluse: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Break Free?
Contact: Sorry, sir.
Recluse: Red Focused Rage?
Contact: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
Recluse: Ah. Phenomenal Luck?
Contact: Sorry.
Recluse: Keen Insight? Sturdy?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Any Second Wind, per chance.
Contact: No.
Recluse: Luck?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Take a Breather?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Catch a Breath?
Contact: <pause> No.
Recluse: Dramatic Improvement?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Emerge, Bounce Back, Resurgence?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Discipline, perhaps?
Contact: Ah! We have Discipline, yessir.
Recluse: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Contact: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
Recluse: Oh, I like it runny.
Contact: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
Recluse: No matter. Fetch hither the inspiration de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
Contact: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
Recluse: I don't care how [censored] runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Contact: Oooooooooohhh........! <pause>
Recluse: What now?
Contact: Mynx's eaten it.
Recluse: <pause> Has he.
Contact: She, sir.
(pause)
Recluse: Awaken?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Iron Will?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Robust?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Righteous Rage?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Strength of Will?
Contact: No, sir.
Recluse: You...do *have* some inspirations, don't you?
Contact: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's an inspiration shop, sir. We've got--
Recluse: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
Contact: Fair enough.
Recluse: Uuuuuh, Sturdy.
Contact: Yes?
Recluse: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
Contact: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
Contact Sturdy, that's my name.
(pause)
Recluse: Uncanny Insight?
Contact: Uh, not as such.
Recluse: Uuh, Rugged?
Contact: no
Recluse: Present,
Contact: no
Recluse: Good Luck?
Contact: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
Recluse: Aah, how about Respite?
Contact: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
Recluse: Not much ca--It's the single most popular inspiration in the game!
Contact: Not 'round here, sir.
Recluse: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular inspiration 'round hyah?
Contact: Escape, sir.
Recluse: IS it.
Contact: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manusquire.
Recluse: Is it.
Contact: It's our number one best seller, sir!
Recluse: I see. Uuh...Escape, eh?
Contact: Right, sir.
Recluse: All right. Okay.
'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
Contact: I'll have a look, sir...
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Recluse: It's not much of an inspiration shop, is it?
Contact: Finest in the district!
Recluse: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Contact: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Recluse: It's certainly uncontaminated by inspirations....
Contact: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Recall, sir.
Recluse: Would it be worth it?
Contact: Could be....
Recluse: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
Contact: Told you sir....
Recluse: (slowly) Have you got any Recalls?
Contact: No.
Recluse: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have
posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
Contact: Yessir?
Recluse: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any inspirations here at all.
Contact: Yes,sir.
Recluse: Really?
(pause)
Contact: No. Not really, sir.
Recluse: You haven't.
Contact: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
Recluse: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to one-shot you.
Contact: Right-0, sir.
Lord Recluse faceplants the Contact with a single punch.
Recluse: What a *senseless* waste of a potential minion...
CuppaJo: **waves wand - you are mesmerized by the shiney bouncing Positron**
HypnotizerZero, Psyche-Delia, Twilight Samurai, Burning Rubber, Ignitrode & more...on Virtue.
AMD x2 4600+/7950GTKO/2Gb PC6400/Win2kPro
And the Python continues:
Lord Recluse enters a villain shop.
Recluse: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Recluse: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Recluse: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
Recluse: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Mako what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Mutant Man-shark...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Recluse: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Recluse: Look, matey, I know a dead Mako when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable villain, the Mutant Man-shark, idn'it, ay? Beautiful gills!
Recluse: The gills don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Recluse: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the cage)
'Ello, Mister Mako Man-shark! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)
Owner: There, he moved!
Recluse: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
Owner: I never!!
Recluse: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Recluse: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO MAKO!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Mako out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Recluse: Now that's what I call a dead Mako.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Recluse: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Mutant Man-sharks stun easily, major.
Recluse: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Mako is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged swim.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the reefs.
Recluse: PININ' for the REEFS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Mutant Man-shark prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable villain, id'nit, squire? Lovely gills!
Recluse: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Mako when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that Mako down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its claws, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Recluse: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this Mako wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Recluse: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This man-shark is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!
'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-MAN-SHARK!!
(pause)
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
Owner: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of man-sharks.
Recluse: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: I got a Sirocco.
(pause)
Recluse: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it swim?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Recluse: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Owner: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Paragon, he'll replace the man-shark for you.
Recluse: Paragon, eh? Very well.
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
You think you're SOOO tough don't you Statesman?! Well I bet even you couldn't beat my level 16 elf mage and his fire imp familiar!
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Statesman and Recluse beat the crap out of eatch other for a good half a day... They both stand at a stailmate and stair one another in the eyes.
LR: Oh yeah? Well, I bet my dad could beat up your dad!
S: YOUR ON!!!
They both flick out their cell phones and call their dads.
If this were a cartoon, the cliff would have broken off by now...
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
LC: When is the next full metal alchemist episode on?
yet more python, true it isn't my idea, but to hell with originality:
Recluse looks down upon a beaten Statesman and breaks into song:
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of [censored]
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Recluse: Black Scorpion, have you heard the good news?
Sirocco: No my Lord, what is the news of which you speak?
Recluse: There's going to be a Star Trek convention at the Ice Palace in St. Martial! William Shatner and Leonard Nemoy will be there signing autographs! I'm going to dress up as a Klingon and enter the costume contest! It's going to be sooo much fun! (giggles with glee and claps his hands)
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Lord Recluse: I always wanted to be a girly like my dear mama'
Lord Recluse: Fight Club was the beginning, now it's moved out of the basement, it's called Arachnos.
---
Lord Recluse (narrating):We were somewhere around Paragon, on the edge of the city, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:
Stefan Richter: I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.
Lord Recluse (narrating):Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the road was full with what looked like huge spiders, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
Stefan Richter: Holy Jesus! What are these [censored] animals?!
Marcus Cole: Did you say something?
Stefan Richter: Hm? Nevermind. It's your turn to drive.
Lord Recluse (narrating): No point in mentioning these spiders, I thought. Poor [censored] will see them soon enough.
---
Lord Recluse (standing on table, clearly intoxicated): I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the rasb...rasp...razzleberry you can't f-floss out!
Mako (shaking head solemnly): Crazy [censored]'s gotten into the "water" from the "fountain of Zeus" again...
---