The Sad State of Education in the Game

My friends, we have a serious problem. It would seem that the governments of Praetoria, Paragon City, and the Rogue Isles have become so consumed with their plots within plots they have begun to neglect the basics. Clearly, funding has been shifted away from educational programs in those cities.

How do I know this? It's simple really. I have had numerous occasions recently to escort citizens of those lands to safety after they were captured by my enemies. Most of them:

1) Don't know that fire burns as they will happily stand in it.
2) Can't comprehend how stairs work. They get half way up or down the staircase in question and then become highly confused and agitated.
3) Don't understand that when running over rough terrain occasionally looking down is a good idea so you don't get stuck on a boulder roughly half your size.
4) Sometimes they cannot grasp how doors function either. When panicked by the presence of Evil, citizens will often headbutt the nearest door repeatedly.
5) Upon being rescued many citizens will turn around and run right back in the direction you just led them from. Hello? Hurty stuff is that way, remember?

Sadly, I have even begun to notice heroes (and villains) of our fair lands afflicted with this same lack of basic education.

If our governments are not going to do anything about it, we as heroes (and villains) must take charge of the situation! To that end I am proposing the creation of the Super Beings Helping Citizens Center. Classes will be conducted daily at the SBHCC and are focused on giving our citizens the skills they need to survive in the modern world. Core courses include:

1) Up and Back Down Again: Navigating staircases in the modern world.
2) Be One With the Door: A detailed breakdown of the types of doors encountered in day to day life and how to operate them.
3) Looking Down: How to look down and avoid treacherous obstacles that might impede your progress, like man-sized boulders.
4) The Road Warriors: Cars and trucks are NOT battering rams people!
5) Ouch 101: A basic explanation of what various harmful substances will actually do to the unaugmented human body.

Semester 1 will begin January 11, 2011. If you know someone that could benefit, please refer them to us! The SBHCC is there for everyone.

+1!

Please, send all escort NPCs here!!]

I'd also like to know why my stealth powers work SO MUCH BETTER for escort NPCs than they do for bad guys.... :P

i must wholeheartedly disagree, if you'll notice, there are NEVER any children running around the streets of ANY area. one must assume that all three locals keep the youngsters in school everyday of the year until they are in their early twenties or so, as that is the youngest age any pedestrian ever appears to be. but this kind of oppressive societal pressure causes undue emotional damage, causing them to be completely moronic when confronted by anything other then academia.

same result, different impetus.

I'd like to add a few courses:

The Essence of Elevators. Magic go-boxes or everyday convenience?
The Pros of Herd Mentality and Group-Think. If an unknown attacker punts your buddy halfway across a warehouse, it actually might be your problem too.
Know When to Fold 'Em: The virtues of cowardice. A demigod spewing fire, death and despair just got in your face? Put away the baseball bat and quit the Hellions already.
Loitering in Warehouses for Fun and Profit. Those warehouses aren't going to loiter themselves.
The Buyer's Guide Real Estate in Paragon City. Just don't. Seriously.

Damnit, i was preparing to present my business plan to get funding for the Narrowly Oriented SuperHuman Intensive Training School. Since the proposed curriculum is nearly identical to yours i suppose it's now redundant.

"No, no, no no no. You just walk directly up a flight of stairs!"
"How do you know, you go to a school for that?!"
"Yeah, [censored]."

Kidnapping Survival 101: Curriculum includes "How to follow the hulking 8-foot glowing guy who is really really trying very hard to show you the way out of the warehouse full of supervillains who are trying to kill you," "Crey are nothing like the image they present on TV," "Safe and proper transportation of glowing green rocks" and "Why you should never follow the hulking 8-foot guy covered in spikes and skulls who just threatened to break both your legs." Course requirements include a jacket with pockets big enough to fit all your stuff, so you don't have to carry a purse, and a Rectified Reticle: Increased Perception IO.

Lord Recluse is smart, he keeps the masses dumbed down to prevent revolution!

I like it! A couple courses you might want to add:

- Mind Your Step: The pros and cons of walking off a rooftop
- Out of the Frying Pan: Why it's a bad idea to flee from a pursesnatcher by running into the sewers

And one just for the supers:

- So You Thought You Could Fly: A Hero's Guide to The Paragon City Monorail System

Me blame society.

Trollish 101: No, Gragrak, it's not "Troll goods are the best goods", it's "Troll goods am best goods!". Please stay after class and write the correct sentence on the blackboard 100 times.

I just wish there was some pet trainers. Some sort of pet whisperer to tell Phantasm (among many others) that since he doesn't have melee attacks, he doesn't have to make a beeline straight to the middle of the action.

I'd like to apply for a teaching position in Personal Space 101. I already have my first lesson-plan outlined for educating the civilian masses on why it is dangerous to hold your escort's shoulder while they are fending off your attackers, a lesson in etiquette I like to call mommy and daddy are talking right now.

I also think all the civilians running around like spazzes in some mission maps should be forcibly enrolled in Combat 101, as taught by General Aarons.

This is because I am a jerk.