Ok, I'll line up to be the first guinea pig, if you like. 
My arcs are listed in my signature. Hope you enjoy it (or them).
And thanks for your time.
The SOLUS Foundation - a Liberty and Pinnacle SG
"The Consequences of War" - Arcs # 227331 and 241496
Could you check out...?
Arc Name: Assault on Aru Prime
Arc ID: 174586
Faction: Villainous
Creator Global Name: @Aisynia
Difficulty Level: Moderate (though expect some EBs later in arc)
Keywords: Non-Canon Story, Rule the World, Sci-Fi
Estimated Time to Play: 1-2 hours
Synopsis: Aru Prime is a neutral world, but it has something the Earth Federation needs to win their war of conquest against the Azeri Alliance. Your mission: Take it by any means necessary.
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
Welcome to the Stories and Lore section, more reviewers are always welcome. Please check out my arc:
Matchstick Women #3369
level range: 25+
Missions: 3
I've been looking for some feedback on Captain Skylark Shadowfancy and the Tomorronauts of Today, ID: 337333, especially since I tightened up the pacing a bit. Though you still might not finish it if you're really impatient :P
Astoria in D Minor, a horror arc. Arc ID: 41565 - The Beating Heart of Astoria: A Play in Five Acts. Arc ID: 170547 - Ignition of the Machine, a story with robots. Arc ID: 318983
Captain Skylark Shadowfancy and the Tomorrownauts of Today. Arc ID: 337333 - Signal:Noise, where is everybody? Arc ID: 341194
@The Cheshire Cat - Isn't it enough to know I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
12 second horror stories - a writing experiment.
Captain Skylark Shadowfancy and the Tomorrownauts of Today. Arc ID: 337333 - Signal:Noise, where is everybody? Arc ID: 341194
@The Cheshire Cat - Isn't it enough to know I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
12 second horror stories - a writing experiment.
I would appreciate feedback on Talos Vice (arc ID 338380). It's relatively new and with little feedback so far, so I'm pretty open to suggestions. And as an homage to a phenomenon of the MTV generation, a review from someone with a short attention span seems ... fitting.
@PW - Police Woman (50 AR/dev blaster on Liberty)
TALOS - PW war journal - alternate contact tree using MA story arcs
=VICE= "Give me Liberty, or give me debt!"
You might find something of interest in one of my three arcs, listed in my sig.
If it helps, people who've played them all have told me that BUNNYGIRLS or Day Job Hell are the best. Or you could be a contrarian and go for my "weak spot" and look at Premium Quality instead.
Arc Name: "Splintered Shields"
Arc ID: 253991
Length: Long (5 missions)
First Published: 7/7/2009 04:35 PM
Morality: Heroic
Description: An Arachnos agent makes a daring raid on Paragon City...business as usual, one might think. Or is it?
Forum Thread: Link
People keep telling me how great it is, but it's languishing with a three-star rating at 28 plays. (Naturally the people who slammed it did so without comment.)
Current Blog Post: "Why I am an Atheist..."
"And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained/As we did in the days when Victoria reigned!" -- T. S. Eliot, "Gus, the Theatre Cat"
I've just recently updated my Mercytown arc, It would be great to hear what you think about it.
Mercytown: The One With All The Fish
Arc ID: 6017
A Penny For Your Thoughts #348691 <- Dev's Choice'd by Dr. Aeon!
Submit your MA arc for review & my arcs thread
If you're hungry, there's always Rider's Ribs Restaurant Rescue #163967
Hi all, i never expected so many responses so fast! So far I've only gotten through
"The Consequences Of War Part 1"
I played through this arc solo at +0 x2 as a lvl40 Claw/SR scrapper
At first glance, i thought i was in for a long history lesson, which i wouldn't mind really, except that made me put off playing it for awhile... I had played through one mission of this arc awhile ago, and then suggested it to a team i had put together for AE missions... but they didnt want a rikti war re-enactment. I was disappointed.
Tonight I played through the arc, and i'll try to keep my review brief... cause i tend to ramble.
This is a very complete arc. Every aspect of the story fit together well and it was all described in great detail. It's an arc that you can tell a lot of work went into, and thats the kind of arc i think should get published in AE. As opposed to those arcs with one sentence descriptions..
There is an incredible amount of detail put into the missions with clues for every occasion, an thats generally a good thing. Also, the setting of the Rikti War gives the arc an important canon/historical value.
Now as far as criticism goes I have to just say that this is all my opinion offered up as a way to help authors see their arcs from an outside perspective.
So I want to say that the first three missions were solid missions with no flaws, but i wasn't able to really get into them. Billy Bad Boy was worth a few laughs, and map three had some interesting mechanics which caught me off guard *thumbsup*, but i felt that the main point of the story was the Rikti War, and that the custom characters caused me to lose sight of that a little bit. When it started to feel more like "Meet the Solus Collective" I began to suspect whether or not the Solus Collective was a real supergroup and its members were just making cameos, which isnt necessarily a problem, but then you have to worry about how the players will feel about those characters...
so--
Captain Superior: was a very classic hero, good design for that.. but after mission one you never see him again.
Billy Bad Boy: Funny, though since he was the second hero i met he brought to mind this question: Can heroes like this win a serious war for Earth..?
Empathy and Blastion: Well... i didn't find these characters very interesting . . . If they're based off of real SG Mates then.. no offense but a little embellishment here and there is an author's right. *grin*
Commisioner G: Honestly my favorite character. He was the first character i met that i really cared about (but thats just me). He had grit, and his name made me chuckle too, but was also a little distracting.
Everything turns around on mission 4 though. The writing of the intro dialogue drew me in right away and was well done. Suddenly the arc sprang to life and started making me feel something for the Supergroup. I felt like we were finally seeing the consequences of war, which was what we signed up for after all. The last two missions started to draw me in emotionally which is hard to do and indicative of a good story.
Missions 4 and 5 were great.. i think maybe some of the characters from the first three missions could be re-used.... but i suspect they might show up again in Part 2
in the end i gave this arc 5 stars, because it was very well done and a lot of effort went into it. Those are my main requirments to earn a 5 star rating. I try to keep my personal taste of story and writing on a leash when it comes to rating missions, because if i didnt then almost no 5 star ratings would be given and essentially it would be a 4 star rating system :/
The arc as a whole could maybe benefit from a little bit of shortening... if it were up to me, and it isn't, i would like to see a 4 mission arc, with the first two being more history-focused, and the second two being moving, as they are.
great job!! this is my first review so... its probably a little unrefined.. I may play one more arc tonight, thanks for the stories everyone =)
Quote:
You did fine, and you will find your style and niche as you go |
Originally Posted by Lithrei
this is my first review so... its probably a little unrefined.. I may play one more arc tonight, thanks for the stories everyone =)
|
I'm only ladylike when compared to my sister.
'Ey there!
My (first and only) arc, The Coldest of Wars (#299972 -- more details in sig) can always use more feedback, and I'm interested how it stacks up as a casual endeavor! It is a 60's spy movie styled arc, so get ready for some cheese. 
Thanks in advance,
-- Z.
I would love it if you would play my arc:
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
@Gypsy Rose
Thanks
@Gypsy Rose
In Pursuit of Liberty - 344916
The Vigilante - 395861
Suppression - 374481 - Winner of The American Legion's February 2011 AE Author Contest
I'm looking for more feedback on my latest arc.
#338575: The Tangled Weave
Level 5-10
Learn more about how Arachnos works behind the scenes in the Rogue Isles to make Project Destiny come into fruition. You will revisit some familiar events, or events leading up to them, from a slightly different angle.
The arc was designed to be played as a VEAT, as part of a project to complement/replace the lacking VEAT epic arcs. Just keep that in mind if you play it with another type of AT.
Winner of Players' Choice Best Villainous Arc 2010: Fear and Loathing on Striga; ID #350522
If you can handle an arc that ends with an AV. This one could use a review.
Big Evil: Evil is Thicker then Water
Arc ID: 340274
Levels: 25-50
Alignment: Heroic
Enemies: Circle of Thorns and a 2 custom groups with a mix of standard enemies
Summary: The Circle of Thorns have opened a gateway to the past. Time traveling villains always mean trouble.
Lithrei, thank you very much for the review. I'm honored that I was your first. 
From an objective perspective, it was pleasant while still being critical; detailed without being over-spoilery (not that spoilers of my arcs would make any difference after so many reviews). I see you having a long and fruitful future as a reviewer here.
Subjectively, when you get time to run CoWII, I think you'll see why I went with some of the NPC choices I did. The hardest part of creating these arcs (besides making them individually self-sufficient while at the same time making the two arcs one cohesive story) was finding a balance between letting the player character matter and have significance while allowing the NPCs enough sun to make the player care about them. If I give the NPCs more face time in one arc, it begins to distract from what the player character can accomplish and experience. How close I came to finding that balance depends on the perspective of each individual player, I guess.
In any case, thank you again. It was very much appreciated.
The SOLUS Foundation - a Liberty and Pinnacle SG
"The Consequences of War" - Arcs # 227331 and 241496
My wife would like a review of her arc, #59147 "Shades of Betrayal, Acts of Salvation" which has updates from prior reviews.
I would certainly not mind another review of "The Power From Out Of Space", #64800, especially since I think (hope) that I fixed the backtrack bug Tangler found in his review.
My Arc: The Power From Out Of Space, ID# 64800
Mrs. Spoon's Arc: Shades of Betrayal, Acts of Salvation, ID# 59147
I'll offer up Arc ID 339222, "The Descender". The whole idea here is to have a arc where you aim for world domination and actually get it.
I'd like if you could review my arc; The Fall of Rapture-I.D:299507
You can also try the other two arcs in my Signature if you want
Short attention span? I've got just the thing!!
A quick, fun mission packed with anime school girls, bank robbers, and a few laughs.
Play Enter the Father Hat Gang
ID#: 21391
click here for poster
*lol at your own risk
Craft your inventions in AE!!
Play "Crafter's Cafe" - Arc #487283. A 1 mission, NON-COMBAT AE arc with workable invention tables!
Today i finished the mission arc:
Assault on Aru Prime
by: @aisynia
In this very villainous arc you play the role of an officer in Earth's conquesting army. Your main tasks are to act as a raider against enemy targets. The villainy in this arc is off-the-charts evil. :P
----------
My first thoughts were that it was a bit of a jolt getting into the role of this mission arc. The setting of the story is worlds away from that little AE building in the Rikti War Zone where i started. It's the most immersive Sci-Fi arc i've seen, but in that way, i think this arc runs the risk of having a more specific target audience. A lot of people won't be interested in playing such a heavily Sci-Fi arc just out of the blue. I really think that most players will need something to help them adjust to being in this story.. maybe something written in the description to help prepare us for becoming a conquesting galactic human. Possibly even a preliminary mission that helps us get our bearings about what we're doing and why.
Notes:Here are some quick points that i noticed:
---The custom character design for this mission is excellent. I had no problem imagining each custom to fit in the role it was given in the story.
--Very creative use of the Architect system to create a story that is literally worlds away from what we're used to in CoX.
--- The exp for Aru Civilians is low, although i'm sure the author is aware of this and it probably can't be helped due to the constraints of AE..
---Map2 and Map4 were really well used. I was surprised by how well they fit into the storyline and gave me the feeling that i really was on an alien planet and in an alien ship's engine room.
---The use of intro text formatting was also done very well with the dialogue easily distinguishable from the narration. Good job on that!
--- Overall, i felt like the exp was a little low for many of the baddies in this arc, there might be an issue with the custom mobs' powers. The Aru Engineers were really cool btw. Minions with robots worked especially well although maybe that has something to do with the exp.
--- Also, very cool battle on the last map =)
How I felt When Playing:
I was impressed by how detailed the setting of the story was. I can tell that the author has a vision in their mind about this (future) humanity and the races in the story. However i felt displaced and a little bit uneasy as i was going through the arc because of how abruptly i was put into the role of a conquering human soldier in an incredibly ruthless futuristic space army.
I was reminded a lot of Star Wars when playing this arc, less so reminded of Star Trek. XD
Also, i did feel a bit burdened by the length of the arc and the number of objectives in some of the missions. That could just be due to my becoming an arc reviewer and my own personality though. *shrug*
Suggestions:The most important things i can suggest for this arc are:
Somehow ease the player into the role and the setting of the story. Create a buffer or a bridge through text that will allow most villains out there to justify their character being in this position, or at least playing a story that puts them in this position. I realize the arc is very much like a world within itself, separate from CoX, but players are still attached to their characters to a degree, even non roleplayers, so i think a lot of people will be asking themselves "Why am i here anyway?" when they play.
This arc creates a futuristic Sci-Fi setting very well. If the author set out to make a hardcore Sci-Fi arc, then that mission was accomplished in every way. Full of Dialogue text, and clues, there are no holes in the story or misions. Good Job!
I realize that becoming a reviewer does give me a bit of a responsibility... so to be fair i have to say that i played through this mostly with that responsibility in mind. its not that theres anything wrong with the arc, its just that in my free time i probably wouldn't have played through it, i would have just sampled it and probably been a little overwhelmed and quit out the way i did last night. So with that in mind i think that the best way to improve this arc is to make it easier to get into for the casual gamer that i ... was trying to represent.
I gave Assault on Aru Prime
by: @aisynia
*****
4 stars out of 5because the missing star represents getting that arc to a level of perfection where it won't lose a lot of attention from non-authors and people without so much dedication. That is of course, within reason for what the arc is. I'm not saying you need to make Joe Football like this arc, just that there are things that might be off-putting to people who would otherwise appreciate your work. Great Job really!
---The custom character design for this mission is excellent. I had no problem imagining each custom to fit in the role it was given in the story.
--Very creative use of the Architect system to create a story that is literally worlds away from what we're used to in CoX.
--- The exp for Aru Civilians is low, although i'm sure the author is aware of this and it probably can't be helped due to the constraints of AE..
---Map2 and Map4 were really well used. I was surprised by how well they fit into the storyline and gave me the feeling that i really was on an alien planet and in an alien ship's engine room.
---The use of intro text formatting was also done very well with the dialogue easily distinguishable from the narration. Good job on that!
--- Overall, i felt like the exp was a little low for many of the baddies in this arc, there might be an issue with the custom mobs' powers. The Aru Engineers were really cool btw. Minions with robots worked especially well although maybe that has something to do with the exp.
--- Also, very cool battle on the last map =)
How I felt When Playing:
I was impressed by how detailed the setting of the story was. I can tell that the author has a vision in their mind about this (future) humanity and the races in the story. However i felt displaced and a little bit uneasy as i was going through the arc because of how abruptly i was put into the role of a conquering human soldier in an incredibly ruthless futuristic space army.
I was reminded a lot of Star Wars when playing this arc, less so reminded of Star Trek. XD
Also, i did feel a bit burdened by the length of the arc and the number of objectives in some of the missions. That could just be due to my becoming an arc reviewer and my own personality though. *shrug*
Suggestions:
Somehow ease the player into the role and the setting of the story. Create a buffer or a bridge through text that will allow most villains out there to justify their character being in this position, or at least playing a story that puts them in this position. I realize the arc is very much like a world within itself, separate from CoX, but players are still attached to their characters to a degree, even non roleplayers, so i think a lot of people will be asking themselves "Why am i here anyway?" when they play.
Overall Impression:
This arc creates a futuristic Sci-Fi setting very well. If the author set out to make a hardcore Sci-Fi arc, then that mission was accomplished in every way. Full of Dialogue text, and clues, there are no holes in the story or misions. Good Job!
Rating:
I realize that becoming a reviewer does give me a bit of a responsibility... so to be fair i have to say that i played through this mostly with that responsibility in mind. its not that theres anything wrong with the arc, its just that in my free time i probably wouldn't have played through it, i would have just sampled it and probably been a little overwhelmed and quit out the way i did last night. So with that in mind i think that the best way to improve this arc is to make it easier to get into for the casual gamer that i ... was trying to represent.
I gave Assault on Aru Prime
by: @aisynia
*****
4 stars out of 5
Okay... Just have to take a moment to say something really quick. I didnt expect there would be so many suggestions for arcs to play, and in reality i don't have a short attention span. I take a little too long to do things, so i probably won't be able to review all of the arcs suggested. . .
Also, i guess i just gave the same spiel i got in my Graphic Design class to everyone as a sort of knee-jerk reaction. In reality i'd rather be in a writer's workshop, and giving short reviews about how i disliked something isn't productive... why bother.. so i guess i'll write reviews in the above manner, but doing so will make it go a little more slowly. . .
also i'm new to the reviews and to this forum, so if theres a better way of organizing this i'm open to suggestions. Thanks all! Next I'm going to write my review of:
--Day Job Hell: A Villain's First Day Job--
By: Clave_Dark_5
which i played last night.
Day Job Hell: A Villain's First Day Job
By: Clave_Dark_5
Overview
This arc is a clever comedy designed for low level villains. You, as yourself, are the protagonist of the story. You are a would-be villain who has not quite made the big-time, and this is the story of how you made the jump from being just another face in the Rogue Isles to becoming a true supervillain.
On map 2 however, a little bit of that skepticism returned, but only because of the mission title. I like the joke overall, but i don't think its strong enough to hold up as a mission objective, and seeing the title up there (which i don't want to spoil) might cause some players to lose interest. Its a little too silly for the rest of the arc i think, and may nudge the arc towards a lower class than the one it belongs in, depening on who you ask. This arc is a well thought out comedy as opposed to a sloppy one that didnt have much effort put into it, so i think the title of mission two should be modified just slightly to keep it on this side of the line between thoughtful and crass.
Overall Impressions:
Overall i really enjoyed playing this arc and i think the story fits in pretty easily with whoever is playing it. If the story doesn't match the villain playing it, it really wouldnt be -that- big of an issue because the arc is so easy-going and entertaining that it wouldnt ruin the experience.
I felt it was a pretty good comedy, i didn't get bored while playing it, it didnt feel like a chore, and i especially liked seeing a comedy that didnt rely solely on custom characters and one-liners. good job!
Suggestions:
My first suggestion is to change the mission title of mission two involving the Tuatha. I think it just barely crosses the line of poor taste and should probably be changed to something that will appeal to more people, or allude to the original joke without stating it blatantly. Changing the mission title wouldn't take anything away from the joke IMO, it'll still be as strong.
Secondly, the choice of map for mission 3, Fats' home/office. That was a great choice, but it took me awhile to figure out that i could enter the building. A hint letting people know that they can go in the door couldn't hurt. Heck, maybe you could even use it to get another laugh.
On that same map, i actually ran around for about 10 minutes, all over the place looking for the bomb! I couldnt find it and quit out of the story, because I thought it was bugged. The second time i played through the arc i found it though, but only by turning the sound up high.. Maybe you could use a bigger bomb... or maybe hint at where it'll be...
Thirdly, try to go through the arc and optimize the custom groups and powers as much as you can, because the exp felt pretty low.. i know theres only so much we can do about this as authors . . .
One last suggestion: Theres a bit of narration just before mission 3 where you go to Fats' house. it describes your rage motivating you to formulate a villainous plan.
"...as you felt your smoldering hatred of this jerk blossom into cold, withering rage."
Its good narration, but i would just flip it around a bit... because the words are conflicting with each other a little bit. When you think of something blossoming, its growing, expanding. And rage is a very active word.. So it seems awkward for the hatred to blossom into something that's withering. just toss the adjectives around a bit... maybe something like
".... as you felt your cold, withering hatred blossom into a burning rage"
I dunno, anything like that.. Hope i'm not being too prescriptive.
and finally.. .
Rating:
My rating system is probably different from most people.. so when i rate an arc i want to explain why i gave it the rating i did. If i give a four to one arc and a five to another, it doesnt mean that one arc was better than the other. Its like apples to oranges. My rating is more of an assessment based on what the arc is meant to do, and how close it comes to its full potential.
When it comes to
Because it was well done, with a good amount of effort put into it, especially for a comedy. It really does what it was supposed to do, be funny, easy to play, and provide an enjoyable alternative to all those snake-pits that new villains jump down every day. Its an arc that seems suitable for anyone, and i can see it being a perfect example of a fun, light, low level comedy arc, one that strangers, casual players, and non-authors can enjoy. The story did not seem contrived, the characters were believable, especially Fats, and most of all, i had fun. Great work!
More reviews to come! =)
By: Clave_Dark_5
Overview
This arc is a clever comedy designed for low level villains. You, as yourself, are the protagonist of the story. You are a would-be villain who has not quite made the big-time, and this is the story of how you made the jump from being just another face in the Rogue Isles to becoming a true supervillain.
Notes:
- Exp: The exp did seem a little bit lower than it could be.. although i realize we have very little control over that anymore and it might not be something that the author can help.
- Typos:
I noticed a few typos but i can't remember exactly where they were "Go do?" should have been "to do". Fats says this in the dialogue for the first or second mission. "Motived" not sure where, but it was supposed to be motivated. "come though here" could just be Fats' slang.
The only reason i mention typos is to make it easier for the author to run through and fix them. - Clockwork Dialogue:
I felt that it was very awkward to hear the Clockwork baddies saying the things they were saying. Even though its a comedy arc, it causes a little believability issue. May or may not be important.. - Badges:
I loved the badges, they were all funny and i wish my character could have kept them. :P
How I Felt When Playing:
Overall, i had a blast playing through this arc. Initially i was a little bit wary, because comedies are a pretty common and in some ways easy kind of arc to make. A few chuckles right off the bat cured my skepticism though. On map 2 however, a little bit of that skepticism returned, but only because of the mission title. I like the joke overall, but i don't think its strong enough to hold up as a mission objective, and seeing the title up there (which i don't want to spoil) might cause some players to lose interest. Its a little too silly for the rest of the arc i think, and may nudge the arc towards a lower class than the one it belongs in, depening on who you ask. This arc is a well thought out comedy as opposed to a sloppy one that didnt have much effort put into it, so i think the title of mission two should be modified just slightly to keep it on this side of the line between thoughtful and crass.
Overall Impressions:
Overall i really enjoyed playing this arc and i think the story fits in pretty easily with whoever is playing it. If the story doesn't match the villain playing it, it really wouldnt be -that- big of an issue because the arc is so easy-going and entertaining that it wouldnt ruin the experience.
I felt it was a pretty good comedy, i didn't get bored while playing it, it didnt feel like a chore, and i especially liked seeing a comedy that didnt rely solely on custom characters and one-liners. good job!
Suggestions:
My first suggestion is to change the mission title of mission two involving the Tuatha. I think it just barely crosses the line of poor taste and should probably be changed to something that will appeal to more people, or allude to the original joke without stating it blatantly. Changing the mission title wouldn't take anything away from the joke IMO, it'll still be as strong.
Secondly, the choice of map for mission 3, Fats' home/office. That was a great choice, but it took me awhile to figure out that i could enter the building. A hint letting people know that they can go in the door couldn't hurt. Heck, maybe you could even use it to get another laugh.
On that same map, i actually ran around for about 10 minutes, all over the place looking for the bomb! I couldnt find it and quit out of the story, because I thought it was bugged. The second time i played through the arc i found it though, but only by turning the sound up high.. Maybe you could use a bigger bomb... or maybe hint at where it'll be...
Thirdly, try to go through the arc and optimize the custom groups and powers as much as you can, because the exp felt pretty low.. i know theres only so much we can do about this as authors . . .
One last suggestion: Theres a bit of narration just before mission 3 where you go to Fats' house. it describes your rage motivating you to formulate a villainous plan.
"...as you felt your smoldering hatred of this jerk blossom into cold, withering rage."
Its good narration, but i would just flip it around a bit... because the words are conflicting with each other a little bit. When you think of something blossoming, its growing, expanding. And rage is a very active word.. So it seems awkward for the hatred to blossom into something that's withering. just toss the adjectives around a bit... maybe something like
".... as you felt your cold, withering hatred blossom into a burning rage"
I dunno, anything like that.. Hope i'm not being too prescriptive.
and finally.. .
Rating:
My rating system is probably different from most people.. so when i rate an arc i want to explain why i gave it the rating i did. If i give a four to one arc and a five to another, it doesnt mean that one arc was better than the other. Its like apples to oranges. My rating is more of an assessment based on what the arc is meant to do, and how close it comes to its full potential.
When it comes to
Day Job Hell: A Villain's First Day Job
By: Clave_Dark_5
I gave it
By: Clave_Dark_5
I gave it
*****
5 stars out of 5
5 stars out of 5
Because it was well done, with a good amount of effort put into it, especially for a comedy. It really does what it was supposed to do, be funny, easy to play, and provide an enjoyable alternative to all those snake-pits that new villains jump down every day. Its an arc that seems suitable for anyone, and i can see it being a perfect example of a fun, light, low level comedy arc, one that strangers, casual players, and non-authors can enjoy. The story did not seem contrived, the characters were believable, especially Fats, and most of all, i had fun. Great work!
More reviews to come! =)
You format this all so well I hate to snip it up, but...
Quote:
I came away from it feeling that way too during my testing and it's been nagging me a little ever since. I've covered this before with MisterCaptainMan in his revue thread as well. I tried to keep the earlier missions from being ridiculously long for low level toons, as any mission can often be, because of the END loss a series of battles always seems to bring on. This is why I scattered so many glowies about in the first two missions, to fill up spawn points. Seeing as how you're now the second player to mention this, it's clear I need to go back and free up some of those spawn points to help give out more XP; we'll just have to get used to taking a knee more often as a low level toon anyways.|
Originally Posted by Lithrei
[*]Exp: The exp did seem a little bit lower than it could be.
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Lithrei
[*]Typos:
I noticed a few typos but i can't remember exactly where they were "Go do?" should have been "to do". Fats says this in the dialogue for the first or second mission. "Motived" not sure where, but it was supposed to be motivated. "come though here" could just be Fats' slang. The only reason i mention typos is to make it easier for the author to run through and fix them. |
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Lithrei
[*]Clockwork Dialogue:
I felt that it was very awkward to hear the Clockwork baddies saying the things they were saying. Even though its a comedy arc, it causes a little believability issue. May or may not be important.. |
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Lithrei
...so i think the title of mission two should be modified just slightly to keep it on this side of the line between thoughtful and crass.
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Lithrei
Secondly, the choice of map for mission 3, Fats' home/office. That was a great choice, but it took me awhile to figure out that i could enter the building. A hint letting people know that they can go in the door couldn't hurt. Heck, maybe you could even use it to get another laugh.
|
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lithrei
One last suggestion: Theres a bit of narration just before mission 3 where you go to Fats' house... I dunno, anything like that.. Hope i'm not being too prescriptive.
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Thanks for the high marks! I'm really glad to see this arc doing as well as it has so far as out of my three I think it's the one I feel the most invested in (not that the others were cheap knock-offs or throw-aways, mind you). Again, thanks for the great advice and finally, thanks for playing my arc, period.
My schedule to getting back to this arc for updating has been thrown off a little by the Halloween event (so many toons needing another costume slot, so little time) but now I have a pretty full list of things to get to - knowing these errors and problems are sitting out there while people play this arc and could be thinking man, this Clave Dark 5 guy sure makes some sloppy arcs drives the perfectionist in me nuts!
Hiya folks... I know there are enough review threads out there, but i'm going to post another one.
I'd like to play some interesting story arcs,
but blindly sifting through the thousands of published stories in AE has proven to be a very ineffective way of doing that.
I'll briefly describe how i'll operate, since it seems only fair....
**** It is possible that i will not complete your arc.****
My aim is to represent the attention span that a casual gamer would give to a total stranger as opposed to the effort i would give in a writer's workshop. That means that if an arc didnt hold my interest i -will- quit and devote my time to something else. But don't worry, i do like to finish things i start and i have a decent attention span... i say all of this just basically to explain that i hold myself under no solid obligation to finish an arc that was requested of me. The more i have to say about an arc the more interesting it probably was, even if its a lot of criticism.. what to fix, etc.
after all, if you want to reach that 5 star rating with 200 votes, your arc has to be interesting enough to pull a stranger in and hold their attention. Thats part of making a good arc... in advertising you only have a matter of seconds to make an impression on someone...
Thats how i'm going to operate.
That said, i will be the best arc reviewer that i possibly can.. I may write quite a bit in my critique of an arc, and i'll post it here... Thanks!