Lithrei

I Will Dance On Your Grave
by: @dugromthearth
In this three mission arc you are in the role of a Paragon City Hero who is approched by a Mambo (a voodoo lady) to help face down a rising threat. A bocor (Voodoo Man) is working with the skulls to tap into dark power. This arc has a very defined "feel" to it, and running through it doesnt take too much time. I'd recommend it, although i do believe the story needs a little bit of galvanizing.

The contact along with all of the custom characters are really well designed. This combined with the map choices maintain a good atmosphere throughout the arc.

The arc uses a couple of unwieldy maps, which could be troublesome depending on the makeup of the team, i think this can be fixed with the addition of meaningful clues to help bolster the story.

Mainly i had believability issues with the extent of the Skulls' involvement in the situation.


After that we ran through one of the teamate's arcs.

An Arachnos Slumber Party

Arachnos recruits have decided to throw a slumber party and you're invited! They need to make sure they have enough "chips, dip, ammunition and party music" to allow for an enjoyable evening.

I had fun playing through this arc and it was pretty funny as well.

- A few times i had trouble wrapping my mind around the entire concept, even though that's part of the humor.

For being a funny-silly arc the story fits together really well, and the events have a sense of continuity which is nice.

The custom mobs look great and fit in well, although i might tone down the colors on the [SPOILER] minions on the last map. I absolutely loved the boss design of the [SPOILER] custom group.

This is the second arc i've tried by Zamuel, and i have to say he doesn't miss a thing in his arcs. Incredible attention to detail and a very complete arc.

Although i would have wanted a few more laughs, and my sensitivies about gender were just slightly alerted (all the baddies are female, and i felt some of them acted a little too stereotypical)

, because it was fun, entertaining, and just very well executed. Despite it feeling overall like a 4, the amount of effort and completeness of the arc showed, pushing it just over the line to be awarded a 5. This a silly arc that i feel was taken very seriously when it was being made. Great work.


Thanks so much everyone who made it to the team tonight!

The Paradox Raid

By: @Echoshard

Overview:

Arc ID: 67566
Keywords: Custom Characters, Magic, Sci-Fi
Length: Long
First Published: 04/15/2009
Morality: Villainous
Mission 1: Unique Map, Level range 27-43. Contains:Boss, A Destructible Object, Patrol, Battle.
Mission 2: Unique map, level range 27-43, Contains Boss, Collection, Defeat All Enemies.
Mission 3: Large size map, level range 27-43. Contains Boss, Collection, Patrol.
Enemy Groups: Custom Group
Description: Travel back in time to the Golden Age of World War 2 Europe and seek clues to the hidden location of the lost Spear of Destiny! ((Suggested Players: 1-4 - Contains: 1 Elite Boss - Tags: MLMA SFSF FHMA HPMA HRMA MWMA))
Story Status:
Final
Warning! Storyarc May Contain: Elite Bosses, Enemies with custom power selections!

In this arc you are a villain approached by Avenger Lost of the Midnighters to help on a job which would not be quite so appealing to a hero. (not that every villain would want to fight allied forces in World War II, which you wind up doing.)

How I felt When Playing:

Mission 1:

+Immediately as i walk onto the map the setting draws me in. The choice of map is great and makes me feel like i'm on a battlefield. I like the entire concept of going back to World War II. Mixing story elements with real life/historical events gives the story a special appeal.

+The customs look excellent! Their bios are all nice little tidbits that garnish the story. I really like this : )

X On the downside though, there are two things i'm not quite able to appreciate. Firstly The RAF has super powers! i need some kind of explanation for this... i don't know why soldiers of World War II are pummeling me with energy charged punches. I even saw one of them flying! hrmmmmm.... We need some sort of explanation for this.

X Secondly, i didnt like the field nurses... That may be another aspect of my personal taste, but i thought that even if lady medics were in the middle of the battlefield at this time, they would have been dressed much differently. They should be wearing the same combat gear as the males. Not necessarily the Royal Air Force gear, but something comparable.

+ I really like seeing the battle between the RAF and the 5th column. That was another nice surprise that really added to the atmosphere of the mission. However i do feel that it's awkward for the 5th column to be set as allies. I wouldnt really want to ally with them even though i AM a villain.. also i don't think they'd know who i was, so they would probably just attack me on sight. maybe they should be set up as rogue.

X I don't remember having the meaning of RAF spelled out to me during the arc. Adding that in somewhere may be handy. The person i was teaming with had to clue me in on the meaning. Royal Air Force

+ I also like the idea of finding the Lance of Longinus during WWII and it having supernatural powers.


Mission 2:

X The start of this mission seems a little bit awkward in a few ways. Although again the costuming is excellent and the choice of map maintains the feel of the story well, I just get odd questions about these Mad Scientists. Their swords are a nice touch, but i wonder about their powers. Sure, they could have developed them in some experiment, but if the British had these sort of things at their disposal during the war then it seems like the player will wonder why they didn't use them according to history. Maybe adding a little bit more in their bios to describe what's going on would help. I want to know what this facilty is and how they got their powers. Also how they did (or didn't) apply them to the allied forces.

Possibly this raid on the top secret lab by the player could be the reason for the loss of their advancements, and could explain why history doesnt take note of this being used in the war. Then again i know we're kindof merging two universes with this mission.. reality and City of Heroes.... but still it causes questions to pop up. suffice it to say that i did think it was very odd for the RAF to have super powers, and this might be an issue worth addressing.

X If the experiments of the mad scientists found on the second map are what endowed the RAF with energy manipulation on the first map, the player should definitely be clued in to that, perhaps from clues he finds on the map.

X one last note: It seems like mad science and experimentation was the specialty of the Nazi's during WWII. Maybe we could be fighting them on this map instead of the British. That idea crossed my mind while playing..

Here's an idea of the kind of dialogue i thought could be helpful on this map:
Co-Pilot: "I'm glad i signed up for the Soldier Enhancemnt Program... We'll give em hell on the battlefield now, won't we Private Edwards?"


Mission 3:

I like the writing of mission 3's dialogue. When i first played this arc i was duo'ing with a defender, and i was a corruptor. So all of Avenger Lost's warnings were pretty convincing. We didn't really want to face down this Pendulum fellow

X The writing is good, a lot of the storyline is inferred, maybe a bit too much is.

XTurgidson definitely needs a unique bio! Also, he says "we'll meet again" but certainly we won't since this is the last mission in the arc

X Pendulum: i got the feeling that he was a canon character from the way he's referred to during the arc. If he's not, then good job in the writing. . He gets an air of clout almost like he's a legend, which goes a long way to justify him being a really powerful final boss. If he is, however, i want to know a bit more about him and his story . . . By the way... who is Pendulum anyway and were did he get his powers? he looks like some sort of alien or supernatural being. He works with the midnighters so that suggest a magical background, but he's surrounded by the RAF and a bunch of mad scientists so i'm not sure...
? Another thing is i'm also a bit curious as to how i've gone back and forth through time without Avenger Lost's help. For that matter, where did i meet Avenger Lost...? We're definitely not in the Midnighter Club or else he would have people coming to his aid. Also I don't know why he sticks around to wait while we go off to missions two and three. That would be the perfect time to get help from a hero, since we've taken this time travelling thing out of his hands and put it to our own dastardly ends.

Now, all of these thoughts didn't seem important to me the first time i played through the arc. I just enjoyed it and they didn't cross my mind too much. But when i look closer into the story little incongruities appear. I just want to bring that to the author's attention and let them do what they will (or won't) about it.

Suggestions:

X Mandrake and Turgidson:
Their dialogue sounds a little too scripted i think. These two bosses are named but with no specific bio's.. They add a little bit to the story just by being there, but who knows what little bit that is since their dialogue and bio's don't tell us anything specific about them. I could imagine that Mandrake and Turgidson are the founders of the British army's scientific enhancement program. Or they could be time travellers from the future like myself, who intended to bring a little extra technology to the allied forces.

Or they could be aliens in disguise- Heck, I don't know! When a bit too much is left up to the player's imagination, then the author can't be totally sure of what story he's telling. It's good to find a happy medium between force feeding everything to the player and letting them fill in (or fail to fill in) too many inferences on their own.

*disclaimer* All of this is of course my own humble opinion, and my main intentions are to provide feedback and thoughts which will hopefully be helpful to the author in any way.

X cardboard boxes: I thought it was a little odd looking. If this faction really had aqcuired the Lance of Longinus, which in this story is a source of tremendous power, i really don't think that it would be lying around in a pile of cardboard boxes. One way to help this feel more cohesive could be to add many different kinds objects to search. It would be more interesting than just having cardboard boxes. Also clues or text on those searchable objects would present an opportunity to add a lot more flavor to the mission.

"You look through a shipment of crates..... You found (something), but it wasn't the Spear"

At face value some of these things don't really matter, but when you look deeper many questions arise, so theres room for a lot of advancement toward perfection.

Notes:

Mission 1:
-Typo in Avenger Lost's Bio "then" where "than" is needed
-Typo in the intro text for mission 1. Avenger Lost says "I hold a proposition which could make use your... unique talents" "of" is missing.

Mission 2:
-Than and Then typo again in the intro dialogue " then "The Spear of Destiny", or Lance of Longinus if you perfer."
- Minor typo in Strangecraft's bio: "Meglomaniacs"
-The default nav text "defeat all enemies" seems like a good place to add flavor. Something like wipe out the scientists, or interrogate all. Nothing specifically, i just think changing it away from Defeat all would add to the mission.
- With this many customs i can imagine this arc was quickly approaching the Size limit...

Mission 3:
- Spitfire: Minions with web 'nade is a very iffy thing in my opinion... in this case it seems to not have adversely affected the experience... but just be careful... that can really get out of control.

- Lance of Longinus Clue "...the flesh "God" himself when he walked amoung the earth!" there are two to three minor typos here. "of" is missing, and walked among the earth doesn't quite sound right. maybe "walked upon the earth"

- Dogfighter: Then/Than typo in his bio

The Paradox Raid

By: @Echoshard

*****

Four stars out of Five

Because it was thoroughly enjoyable and what i found to be a very interesting story! The author showed that he or she has an excellent writing ability and their own take on creating a story within AE. I really like the historical references, and you get the feeling that there is a good deal of accurate info contained in the arc.
I had a lot of fun while playing it and think this arc has a lot of potential, in game i gave it a 5 star rating, but further scrutiny reveals that there are a LOT of little things that probably could be done to this arc to bring it up to that level of final perfection. I hope we all get to see that one day, great work!

ArcID# 67566
The Paradox Raid

By: @Echoshard

Thx everyone, keep up the good work!

Loyalty to an Emperor I: Proving Your Worth

Overview:

Arc ID: 341671
Keywords: Custom Characters, Complex Mechanics, Canon Related
Length: Long
First Published: 10/30/2009
Morality: Villainous
Mission 1: Unique Map, Level range 35-50. Contains Boss
Mission 2: Unique Map, Level range 35-50. Contains Patrol, Escort.
Mission 3: Unique Map, Level range 35-50. Contains Boss
Mission 4: Small size map, level range 35-50. Contains Boss, A Destructible Object
Enemy Groups: Generic, Custom Group
Description: Unofficial Going Rogue prologue. In this arc you will prove yourself worthy to serve the great Emporer Cole! [SFMA/SLMA/HLMA]
Story Status: Looking for Feedback
WARNING! Storyarc May Contain: Elite Bosses, Extreme Bosses, Enemies with custom power selections!

In this arc you are play the role of a new recruit climbing the ranks in service to Emperor Cole of the Going Rogue storyline. It's a very villainous arc with interesting custom characters, a couple of uniquely styled missions, and very quick pacing.

First Impressions:

First off, even before I spoke to the contact i was very interested in playing through this arc, because i have no idea of the storyline behind Going Rogue. I know pretty much nothing about the expansion. This could be interesting!

Mission one begin: "Interesting angle, lets do this!"

+Thanks for the Timed Mission warning! It prepares the player well. Instead of clicking accept and being slapped with a potentially irritating 10 minute timer, I'm warned and instead approach the mission as an exciting challenge. Little details like that help the player gain some trust in the author. Helps to win them over..

How I felt While Playing:

hmmm.....
Mission 1:
It is a bit odd, even if its a unique angle on a mission, to be sent in there to fight just one guy. . . I also wonder, is he an EB or AV normally...? This mission poses some balance and difficulty issues. As a solo lvl32 sonic/pain corruptor it would have been impossible for me to complete without the use of insp. however on a larger team, if he's just an EB he won't be much of a challenge... so it might seen awkward. An AV fight might be interesting but it may also annoy people..

I think the best way to go about this mission, although I like the idea, would be to expand it just a tad.. I'll make a note of this in the suggestions section.

XAfter the first mission and intro dialogue for the second, i'm as in the dark about GR as i was when i started. I don't know who Emporer Cole is, or the guy who's name was mentioned in the mission complete popup. Right now i feel like the dialogue could also be expanded a bit, and that would help.

XCaptain Leister's bio: It was enough to tell me that Captain Leister has a story, but it didnt really tell me anything about that story. Its little things like this which can make an arc really immersive; Really feel like a story. I'd hoped to find more in his description.

XCustoms: The Resistance: The bio "these people are sick of being ruled by the "great" emporer cole and have decided to fight back." That much is contained within their name. These custom bio's could be another chance to add depth to the story

XOnly one sentence debriefing after mission two: Ah, i think that's one of my issues of personal taste. A single sentence out there alone has a lot of work to do. It has to be a pretty darn strong sentence if it's going to hold down the storyline all on its own. Anyway.... just a bit more would be nice, even though i guess the rest of the team can't see debriefings

Mission Three:
+ Cool, Mission One in reverse! I'm ready!
+Sendoff Dialogue: "We will be watching you closely" okay, 'nuff said. in this case one sentence seems okay, its just when the players starts to suspect that the other potential sentences are missing due to a lack of effort that it becomes bothersome.

*Visage dialogue: Jeez, I'm a corruptor, but i'm mostly just a sarcastic theif who lacks a moral foundation. A misanthrope gone wrong. even as a villain i don't know if i want to be -that- evil. but it tells the story well... This Emporer Cole is a tyrant...

*Fissionette Dialogue:
noo, not the family and kid's line again T_T... i'm not this evil.

+. I liked Wolfgang's bio and dialogue Still not sure how i feel about killing innocent people... but again i can't complain too much about this because it tells the story of this Empire...

Mission Four:
Brief dialogue again, in some ways it's a plus to keep things short and sweet. However . . . (see suggestions)
---When Captain Leister says " We need you to...." I felt that sounded awkward. I thought he would just give you a command.
---I thought the transmitters looked a little out of place here...

XPh1L0t1x and Undrn3t:
Well... i expected Freakshow with names like those... But the l33t-speak, although i'm not entirely sure why they use it, didnt bother me too much... it did draw my attention in a questioning manner though.
---Maybe if only philotics' name was spelled that way it would be less distracting and grant personality to that individual character. I looked up Philotics out of curiosity... and it all has a very high-tech feel to it, but i think having Cripple the Undrn3t hanging around on the nav bar detracts a little from the mission. I don't think the players have been won over enough to use that without being off-putting to some people. Also i don't think the mission or feel of UnderNet will suffer from having it spelled differently. Ph1L0t1x i think is okay though.... of course this is my opinion coming from my personal taste and reactions to things.

Notes:

+i like the idea of trying to avoid the rebels in mission two. It makes me feel like i'm doing something different. Not just running through and bustin' heads like always. Of course i'm sure that on a large team avoiding the rebels will be much more of a hassle, but the suggestion given is a nice touch

XRebel Blaster and Rebel Sharpshooter did not award exp. Rebel Brawler was worth 206 at lvl 32, which seems low but i haven't been checking my solo exp lately. I've learned that due to the AE exp changes in the latest patch, custom baddies will not award exp if they are missing any of the default powers in the "Standard" difficulty setting. Sure, you can now customize the powers of baddies completely, but you can also choose 8 out of 9 powers for your custom baddie and still have him award no exp if the one power he's missing is one of the default standard powers. Consider these the minimum requirement for a baddie... Also as far as i know, the exp awarded from custom baddies has 3 tiers... standard, hard, and extreme. A custom doesnt qualify for the a tier of exp if it is missing a single power defaulted by choosing that difficulty setting... Hope that makes sense, and this is accurate according only to my personal observations.. . which could be flawed..

+ i like the look and feel of the customs in general. Nice! Makes me thing of Terminator... for some reason.

+ Mission two Fissionette as a "volunteer" is a nice touch

X I'm beginning mission three without having any clues yet.. Even if not that many people read them, i think a mission should still have clues. Just for those who do want to read that much. Also I think players on a team who are not team- members are more likely to read clues than they are to click Mission-> More Info. So i think that might be a way of getting some of the story accross to players who are just along for the ride.
XQuestionably powerful bosses:
Captain Leister and Philotics. Since there are only two it might fly, but being hit for 756 before build up(which he has) at lvl 32 is a little bit . . . hrmm. . . Plus endurance drain on all of the attacks. It's ultimately your decision how you want baddies strength to be, but also try to keep in mind that there are all sorts of AT's and builds out there, as well as team compositions.... Overly Powerful baddies can be used, but i think their best use is for dramatic effect. I'm playing at +0 x1 no bosses... now imagine the difficulty if this guy turned into an EB or and AV, or if the mission difficulty level were higher...
Even if he's hitting for 756 the boss level of Endurance drain on every attack will even drop some of the best tankers .
---having a high difficulty is the fastest way to get people to drop, but he is the final boss so . . it could work.
As for Captain Leister, Super Strength is okay but i've found that giving them KO Blow makes things rough for non tanker types, and giving them Rage is right out. For everyone really... Keep in mind NPC's can easily be stronger than other players just due to hit point and damage scaling.. so giving them the powers that you might expect to deal with in pvp can in sometimes be even worse than fighting another player

Suggestions:

+ Expand Dialogue to create more of a story.
Rating: Leans on the existing story too much. I got nothing out of it other than that i was serving a really evil oppressive emporer.

+Dialogue: I think that the dialogue for this arc really needs to be developed more. I didnt get much more than "do this, now do that" out of the arc. There's much more there, but i want to see it come out and flourish through text.

+ Add clues to help expand the story and make it more accessible to non-leaders.. get me to care.

+ perhaps a warning in the dialogue about how Philotics is powerful and whatnot... could help. That is if you're sure you don't want to tune down their difficulty

Rating:

Loyalty to an Emperor I: Proving Your Worth

Mostly because well, i didnt get much out of playing the arc. Most of the time i was looking for story, and hoping to find out something about GR, but i wound up learning nothing more than i could have inferred from the names and titles of the arc, characters, and what tiny amount i already knew about the storyline. I realize it all makes perfect sense to those who already know all the story, but in that case the arc leans on the established story too much I think. Players who don't know are completely left out and don't get much out of playing it... Also, if we aren't developing anything unique from the existing GR story, then there isn't a whole lot a player gets from playing through the arc.

However a 3 star rating still represents a GOOD arc, it was fun (except for the killing innocent people and all that) and it all came together very well, but I just felt like i didnt get much from playing it.

I think Canon stories might benefit from explaining more about what's going on, or what's being referenced. Most players don't research canon storyline, and so they only know what they've gathered by playing. So for someone who doesn't already know the story all i got from it really was that i was serving a really evil oppressive emporer.

Even now though, 3 stars seems like too low, but i didnt have enough to want to give it a 4 even though its a good arc.

Loyalty to an Emperor I: Proving Your Worth

Also for the record i want to announce my intention to go back over many arcs that i've either sampled or want to try again with an actual team and maybe post some thoughts from that perspective. I realize the experience of playing some arcs changes drastically depending on the size and makeup of your team. Sadly most of our arcs never get to experience that sort of attention due to the strong phobia most players seem to have regarding AE...


Anyways if i go through with a team i'll probably use my tanker on Virtue: Xelyph, and if anyone wants to go along just let me know sometime or leave a message @Tragedy Redtear

Thanks folks!

Arc#335926


*For this arc I must say that it is only a partial feedback, I had a lot of thoughts, but i did not finish the arc when i played. Still I wrote all this stuff down while playing it, so it may as well be posted.

First Impressions:

*The Big Ant threw me off a bit. (This is your contact, he looks like an arachnos crab spider, but he's supposedly a hero. I have a hard time grasping both his appearance and . . . well his hero concept. .)
--- His dialogue doesnt seem to match his appearance.
* Intro Dialogue: Its a little tedious but i think some good formatting is always helpful. Right now the dialogue is one big block of text.
*Initially the arc feels villainous.
*After reading Big Ant's bio, i thought it would help for him to have customized colors if possible. maybe if he were brown it would make it easier for the player to apply their imagination to the character instead of just sthinking, "Ah, Arachnos Crab Spider!" Like i did..

How i Felt When Playing:

*enter map 1-- Wow, what a list of objectives . . . ARRRRR Eye be frustrated Matey. T_T
*eye-eye... T_T
---- I feel like i don't want to fight soldiers of rularuu just to stop some Planksta Rappers. They should be easy to beat for a superhero
*Getting lvl15s among the spawns. Not sure how you want the spawns, but i know how troublesome manipulating spawns and custom groups with standard mobs can be.... trust me . . i used that technique in my second arc, and i spent 70% of my time trying to get the spawns right and working around bugs in AE...
*Would like to see the pirate names be plays on the names of bad rappers . .**security guys look cool, but i still feel like the eye-eye's are awkward . . .
*hmmm.... slight frustration.. don't like Sangranel. why is he an elite boss . . . ? He's just some rapper while i'm a superhero.... also, soul transfer is a mag 30 stun, with oppressive gloom on when you defeat him thats a possible mag 32 stun, it'll break through tankers tier 9s.... use soul transfer on baddies with extreme caution . . . In my experience the fastest way to get players quitting out and leaving a 1 star rating is by having the missions be unreasonably difficult. this isnt all -that- difficult but no one wants to be beaten by these characters, especially when they're level 42 superheroes fighting weird planksta rappers. it causes some annoyance

Overall Impression:

I'm also thinking that either much of the dialogue was written in haste, or the author's ideas aren't translating properly to the player. Either case would be a pretty important issue. I'd also say, if a joke or a line isnt making you chuckle as the author, then just leave it out. If your mission is making you laugh, then the problem lies in communication. Most of the jokes aren't coming accross to me.

I'll play one more mission but i'm thinking about trying something else. I wouldn't mind possibly coming back for a second look in the future. since i really only sampled the arc..
(In the end i stopped playing after the first mission, Maybe i'll give it another look at a later time)

Notes:

Perutt- why is his name spelled that way, it seems french maybe..? But i wasnt sure... kinda funny character . . . but at this point i'm really just not getting into the flow of the arc, and i'm wondering how this could be 5 missions long... i'll continue a bit more..

Mission 2 intro. hmm... why is perutt in mission 2 . . ? shouldn't i have arrested him back on the ship? unless . . .
--wait a minute, what's my legal justification for crashing their cargo ship in the first place . . ? Sure i would have wanted to do it, and would consider it a heroic act, but . . . Making horrible music that contributes to the "dumbing-down" of society still isn't legally a crime . .

Suggestions:

The Freddy Rap was prettty funny . . . but about 80% of the jokes are going right over my head. . I'm mostly confused, which isnt a word i like to use much. Still i can tell a lot of effort has gone into this mission so . . . keep refining it, and try to make the jokes more clear, some allusions can be particularly effective, but for the most part my advice is to aim for jokes that revolve around common knowlege so that most people will get them.

*I think the names of the Planksta Rappers are a good opportunity to spoof existing rappers.

*Try to lighten the first mission up a bit. As much as i try i just can't accept Sangranel being an EB (possibly AV) on the very first map.. With a character and story this silly it's hard to justify.. Maybe later on in the arc I could stand it. After we'd been chasing the Planksta's for awhile, or had time to understand that they've become more than just rappers.

Rating:

*****

I only played through one mission, so . . . sadly i have to refrain from giving this arc a star rating for now.


For me the main problems when playing were that I found it hard to justify being on the cargo ship in mission 1. Also it was hard to justify some Pirate Rappers (who should probably be the butt of every joke) being so difficult right off the bat. And the biggest issue for me was that I just didnt get a lot of the jokes. I didnt laugh as much as i'd want to.

Anyway, this feedback was written of the course of mission 1, after that i didn't continue the arc. I just cut and pasted everything to hopefully give what was essentially a lot of notes a feeling of organization. I hope at least some part of this was helpful though! And again, i only present my opinions here and want to give authors a view into a strangers reactions to playing their mission.

Today i'm writing feedback for:
Matchstick Women
By: Bubbawheat

First Impressions:

Seeing the contact "sparks" my imagination. The story description is also interesting. To me the story descrpition is an extremely important part of a mission arc because it is the first thing a person sees when browsing AE (okay, second counting the title). As such the story description can be your only chance to convince a stranger to play your arc....

A side thought . . . Even if the title of an arc is interesting and i'm slightly compelled to try playing it, there is a good chance i will skip it on principle if its story description amounts to one sentence or less... After all, if the author only puts that much effort into such an important part of telling their story, then how can i expect to find anything but the same lack of effort throughout its missions...? This mission didn't have that problem.

Anyway, i stumbled a bit over the title of this arc.
Matchstick Women, immediately reminds of the the title of a movie that i never watched, called Matchstick Men. That distracted me from the story of this arc, because i was trying to find a connection. Since i skipped Matchstick Men, i was considering also skipping Matchstick Women. I like to look for new and unique stories.
To be fair though i looked up a review of Matchstick Men, and even the definition of the title. I couldn't find any similarities between that movie and this mission arc from reading the review. A Matchstick Man is another term for a con-artist, from what i could find on The Google. *shrug*

How I Felt When Playing:

As i clicked on the contact and read the intro dialogue, i got the feeling that this was the kind of mission arc that could have also been written as a creative short story. It can be hard to force a good story into the narrow scope of the Architect System, so i wanted to see how much this arc could press the boundaries of AE.

it begins with "Out of the corner of your eye, you see a mysterious flame..." and from there you're drawn into the story. I was curious and wary, but the writing style tells me that the author has a story to tell. One thing i have to say though is that i had questions building up from the first sentence, mainly "Where was I, and what was i doing before i noticed the flame?" Are players intended to accept such a deep story simply as an architect patron with extra time on their hands, or are we living through and experiencing a scenario..? I wasn't sure how i fit into the story.

----- I felt a little unsure of what was going on as i entered the first mission, but that also added to the atmosphere, and played along with what the author seemed to be doing. Mission one went by without a hitch and I was eager to find out was happening, so i hurried on to mission two. The desire to find out what is happening makes this arc run smoothly, but i think its a technique that has its hazards..



--- The Peculiar Woman: I saw a typo that had this character named "The Pecular Woman" Also, i did find her very peculiar, and wasnt sure how i felt about her. I have a problem with some female character designs and get tired of seeing heroes fighting crime in high heels and a miniskirt. Most people don't seem to get bothered by this sort of thing though . . after all, it could be an enchanted miniskirt and magical heels. Or a mystical bathing suit that protects its wearer from all harm. . . or... Whatever, the Peculiar Woman wasn't as bad as all that..
- Immediately i got the feeling that the peculiar woman was tied to Emily somehow, but in the end i either missed the answer to this question completely, or it was left unanswered. I played this arc two days ago, and looking back I actually can't remember anything about the peculiar woman other than seeing her show up on the maps...
--- The interesting custom characters added a lot to the feel of the arc. Since its only 3 missions long they didnt have time to get old or boring . .
--- The final mission was completed before i had collected the glowie, which seemed a little odd.

My Overall Impression:

The plotline for Matchstick Women was surprisingly interesting (compared to my first impression of the title), and holds a great deal of dramatic potential. Because of the interesting story and the desire to find answers within the mysterious atmosphere of events, i had fun playing the mission. Looking back however, i feel like a LOT of questions go unanswered. I feel that the story is incomplete, but not to the extent where it's left up to the player to fill in the blank spots. It feels incomplete in a less acceptable way. I think the players deserve to find more answers during this arc. The concept of the story is too good to leave this much of it to the imagination of the user..

Suggestions:

** The main thing i would say is that i believe this story has a lot more potential and it hasn't quite realized it yet. When I set out to make a mission arc in the past i've sometimes had problems fitting everything i had envisioned into the cramped format of a few AE missions, made even more cramped by the 100kb size limit. . . So from an outside perspective it feels like the author might have a similar struggle here. Clearly all of the characters have a pupose and a meaning to the author but those things aren't totally conveyed to the player. I've been told that a sign of good writing is what it communicates indirectly.. I can see that being done here, but also i feel like it falls a little bit short of accomplishing that graceful communication. I'm left with just too many questions which are too great of a burden to just be left up for interpretation.

*** I loved the line describing the faces of the matchstick women. Immediately i saw the dramatic potential of this part of the story, i would be happy to play through an entire mission that explores this idea... then again 100kb...

*** The story could use a frame or something of that nature to help the player get into the story and then out of it again with ease.

*** I felt a strong emphasis on gender throughout the mission. It builds up some powerful feelings in me, but causes me to feel let down in the end, because this angle wasn't explored enough in the arc.

*** Mainly, try to inject the answers to all these questions into the story somehow. Tie up those lose ends and leave others open, but my advice is to be very picky about which ends you choose to leave open. This is an arc that could even be expanded by a mission or two.

Rating:

Because although i had fun while playing it and gave it a 5 star in-game rating, while writing this review i just felt that there is so much more that should be done to grow this story into what it deserves to be. So the missing star represents that gap to be bridged between a great story and a perfect one.
In the end, there are just so many unanswered questions.
*How do these ladies get their powers? Is it the suits, or an innate ability.. *How do they know which women are suitable to become a "Match"? Is it just fate, or is it a privelege saved only for the strong..?
*What was Emily's main goal?
*Who was the peculiar woman, and the other women you rescue on map 2..?
*Where exactly does the player fit into the story, did i see the mysterious flame by chance as i was walking down the street somewhere in Galaxy City, or did i just stumble into a virtual expression of someone else's experience while browsing AE on my day off?

Day Job Hell: A Villain's First Day Job
By: Clave_Dark_5

Overview

This arc is a clever comedy designed for low level villains. You, as yourself, are the protagonist of the story. You are a would-be villain who has not quite made the big-time, and this is the story of how you made the jump from being just another face in the Rogue Isles to becoming a true supervillain.

• Exp: The exp did seem a little bit lower than it could be.. although i realize we have very little control over that anymore and it might not be something that the author can help.
  
• Typos:
  I noticed a few typos but i can't remember exactly where they were "Go do?" should have been "to do". Fats says this in the dialogue for the first or second mission. "Motived" not sure where, but it was supposed to be motivated. "come though here" could just be Fats' slang.
  The only reason i mention typos is to make it easier for the author to run through and fix them.
  
• Clockwork Dialogue:
  I felt that it was very awkward to hear the Clockwork baddies saying the things they were saying. Even though its a comedy arc, it causes a little believability issue. May or may not be important..
• Badges:
  I loved the badges, they were all funny and i wish my character could have kept them. :P

Overall, i had a blast playing through this arc. Initially i was a little bit wary, because comedies are a pretty common and in some ways easy kind of arc to make. A few chuckles right off the bat cured my skepticism though.

On map 2 however, a little bit of that skepticism returned, but only because of the mission title. I like the joke overall, but i don't think its strong enough to hold up as a mission objective, and seeing the title up there (which i don't want to spoil) might cause some players to lose interest. Its a little too silly for the rest of the arc i think, and may nudge the arc towards a lower class than the one it belongs in, depening on who you ask. This arc is a well thought out comedy as opposed to a sloppy one that didnt have much effort put into it, so i think the title of mission two should be modified just slightly to keep it on this side of the line between thoughtful and crass.

Overall Impressions:

Overall i really enjoyed playing this arc and i think the story fits in pretty easily with whoever is playing it. If the story doesn't match the villain playing it, it really wouldnt be -that- big of an issue because the arc is so easy-going and entertaining that it wouldnt ruin the experience.

I felt it was a pretty good comedy, i didn't get bored while playing it, it didnt feel like a chore, and i especially liked seeing a comedy that didnt rely solely on custom characters and one-liners. good job!

Suggestions:

My first suggestion is to change the mission title of mission two involving the Tuatha. I think it just barely crosses the line of poor taste and should probably be changed to something that will appeal to more people, or allude to the original joke without stating it blatantly. Changing the mission title wouldn't take anything away from the joke IMO, it'll still be as strong.

Secondly, the choice of map for mission 3, Fats' home/office. That was a great choice, but it took me awhile to figure out that i could enter the building. A hint letting people know that they can go in the door couldn't hurt. Heck, maybe you could even use it to get another laugh.
On that same map, i actually ran around for about 10 minutes, all over the place looking for the bomb! I couldnt find it and quit out of the story, because I thought it was bugged. The second time i played through the arc i found it though, but only by turning the sound up high.. Maybe you could use a bigger bomb... or maybe hint at where it'll be...

Thirdly, try to go through the arc and optimize the custom groups and powers as much as you can, because the exp felt pretty low.. i know theres only so much we can do about this as authors . . .

One last suggestion: Theres a bit of narration just before mission 3 where you go to Fats' house. it describes your rage motivating you to formulate a villainous plan.
"...as you felt your smoldering hatred of this jerk blossom into cold, withering rage."
Its good narration, but i would just flip it around a bit... because the words are conflicting with each other a little bit. When you think of something blossoming, its growing, expanding. And rage is a very active word.. So it seems awkward for the hatred to blossom into something that's withering. just toss the adjectives around a bit... maybe something like

".... as you felt your cold, withering hatred blossom into a burning rage"
I dunno, anything like that.. Hope i'm not being too prescriptive.


and finally.. .

Rating:

My rating system is probably different from most people.. so when i rate an arc i want to explain why i gave it the rating i did. If i give a four to one arc and a five to another, it doesnt mean that one arc was better than the other. Its like apples to oranges. My rating is more of an assessment based on what the arc is meant to do, and how close it comes to its full potential.

When it comes to

*****
5 stars out of 5

Because it was well done, with a good amount of effort put into it, especially for a comedy. It really does what it was supposed to do, be funny, easy to play, and provide an enjoyable alternative to all those snake-pits that new villains jump down every day. Its an arc that seems suitable for anyone, and i can see it being a perfect example of a fun, light, low level comedy arc, one that strangers, casual players, and non-authors can enjoy. The story did not seem contrived, the characters were believable, especially Fats, and most of all, i had fun. Great work!
More reviews to come! =)

Notes:Here are some quick points that i noticed:

---The custom character design for this mission is excellent. I had no problem imagining each custom to fit in the role it was given in the story.

--Very creative use of the Architect system to create a story that is literally worlds away from what we're used to in CoX.

--- The exp for Aru Civilians is low, although i'm sure the author is aware of this and it probably can't be helped due to the constraints of AE..

---Map2 and Map4 were really well used. I was surprised by how well they fit into the storyline and gave me the feeling that i really was on an alien planet and in an alien ship's engine room.

---The use of intro text formatting was also done very well with the dialogue easily distinguishable from the narration. Good job on that!

--- Overall, i felt like the exp was a little low for many of the baddies in this arc, there might be an issue with the custom mobs' powers. The Aru Engineers were really cool btw. Minions with robots worked especially well although maybe that has something to do with the exp.

--- Also, very cool battle on the last map =)

I was impressed by how detailed the setting of the story was. I can tell that the author has a vision in their mind about this (future) humanity and the races in the story. However i felt displaced and a little bit uneasy as i was going through the arc because of how abruptly i was put into the role of a conquering human soldier in an incredibly ruthless futuristic space army.


I was reminded a lot of Star Wars when playing this arc, less so reminded of Star Trek. XD

Also, i did feel a bit burdened by the length of the arc and the number of objectives in some of the missions. That could just be due to my becoming an arc reviewer and my own personality though. *shrug*

The most important things i can suggest for this arc are:

Somehow ease the player into the role and the setting of the story. Create a buffer or a bridge through text that will allow most villains out there to justify their character being in this position, or at least playing a story that puts them in this position. I realize the arc is very much like a world within itself, separate from CoX, but players are still attached to their characters to a degree, even non roleplayers, so i think a lot of people will be asking themselves "Why am i here anyway?" when they play.



This arc creates a futuristic Sci-Fi setting very well. If the author set out to make a hardcore Sci-Fi arc, then that mission was accomplished in every way. Full of Dialogue text, and clues, there are no holes in the story or misions. Good Job!


I realize that becoming a reviewer does give me a bit of a responsibility... so to be fair i have to say that i played through this mostly with that responsibility in mind. its not that theres anything wrong with the arc, its just that in my free time i probably wouldn't have played through it, i would have just sampled it and probably been a little overwhelmed and quit out the way i did last night. So with that in mind i think that the best way to improve this arc is to make it easier to get into for the casual gamer that i ... was trying to represent.
because the missing star represents getting that arc to a level of perfection where it won't lose a lot of attention from non-authors and people without so much dedication. That is of course, within reason for what the arc is. I'm not saying you need to make Joe Football like this arc, just that there are things that might be off-putting to people who would otherwise appreciate your work. Great Job really!