I would be interested in feedback on my arc. Thanks in advance for the input.
Arc Name: Kung Fu on the Loose
Arc ID: 77533
Length: Medium (2 outdoor maps)
Mission Count: two
Morality: Villainous
Genre: Fun
Description: You once again find yourself watching television. The new HD signal looks spectacular. As you reach for the remote control, there is a bright FLASH in front of your eyes . . . Find out what happens next!
Similar in tone to the Television story arcs in CoV. One EB at the end of mission 2. Only custom critters in the missions. Level 45+.
Go Team Venture!
White Collar Crime ID# 153323
i ran this arc with my level 30 MA/SR scrapper on heroic. i am sorry i was so long in coming in doing your mission. that was my fault. i was updating my list off of my review thread while your feedback was in my arc thread. i got confused and dropped the ball with your review. i am glad you reminded me.
thoughts and observations as i was going along.
mission 1
how do you know it is the freaks?
you could always do powerspike in the hacker speak... powasp1k3 or something ridiculous like that
exit pop up... maybe "of the freak leader...?"
mission 2
the boss has a hacker speak name here.
in forz3 1l3vhn his description is about the crey special projects not the character itself. is this on purpose?
mission 3
i like the surprise destruct sequence. that is a great touch.
maybe you could have its destruct dialogue go more than once, per damage that it takes. some kind of countdown?
mission 4
the void two captured animation was really weird... it might be bugged...
very nice and neat little arc you have there. i was thinking it was a little slow in the beginning but it got better as it went along. i could not see any typos, it had the appearance of being thoroughly checked and edited. the first two missions were a little on the forgettable side. but you had me intrigued when you threw in the destruction sequence. that was a nice touch and completely unexpected and added new tension to what was feeling like a routine mission. the last mission is where you rolled out all the custom enemy group. i only wish that we could have had earlier encounters with some of them, besides the two bosses. if you could find a way to sprinkle them in a little earlier it would be nice. i wish i had ideas on how you could perk up the earlier missions.
there were a couple of loose ends that i could not tie in my head. who was mr black and why should i trust him, especially in something that looks like a corporate turf war? i am also not clear as to why their shipment was intercepted and how this tied to crey. did they intercept crey tech too? did i miss this in the clues? if so why did i pursue this further? i must have missed something important along the way. maybe thnis could be solved by more detailed clues?
otherwise, while slow starting, this arc picked up at the end nicely. the custom group was a lot of fun to fight. i would be interesting to take with a large team.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
I had hoped you would review the other arc. I'll be the first to admit this arc is not polished, although not quite the complete disaster you've painted it to be. I've ran several groups through it and most found it enjoyable.
mission 1
[ QUOTE ]
-save what remnant? how is he here? how are we getting to his world?
[/ QUOTE ]
Save the remnant of his Freedom Phalanx forces that he's already described ...
The same way we get to any dimension - through a portal corporation portal. Not wasting space on something that is already game canon...
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-the time bomb has the original rikti description... can't that be changed?
-in the dialogue for the unknown soldier the period needs to be in the quotes. he has no description.
-with Nuclear Adam, one nuclear does not need to be capitalized. no description either
-are the rescues randomly distributed? i found them all in about the same area...
-no clues?
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A lot of the complaints about missing descriptions will be found in all of my arcs. I write the story first - descriptions come later - if I have room under the 100k limit. I've tried blanking out the generic descriptions - it doesnt work.
The rescue locations are random.
No clues - not needed in a simple search and rescue.
mission 2
[ QUOTE ]
-is there an east germany if the war never ended? maybe eastern Germany?
[/ QUOTE ]
Very odd, I had removed this and republished. I'll guess have to do it again...
[ QUOTE ]
-is this side mission of finding the daughter really necessary? why now? kind of an odd coincidence...
[/ QUOTE ]
Necessary? No. But I don't hold to the philosophy that side stories are necessarily bad. I've seen it in a number of canon arcs. I felt this established more rapport with the contact.
mission 3
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-no clue for mission 3?
[/ QUOTE ]
It is not necessary to have a clue in every mission.
[ QUOTE ]
-no descriptions for any character
-your zero has the original skyraider skiff description.
[/ QUOTE ]
Space limitions again.
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-convenient that statesman had a chameleon suit
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Just tieing this arc into existing game canon. The chameleon suit was used in an arc to fool the Freakshow. And yes, I believe Statesman would be very aware of it & contact the appropriate people to acquire one. Sam is his equivalent in the other dimension, so I think States' would be highly motivated to help out.
[ QUOTE ]
-why should that prevent Japanese forces on american soil? it was just one raid disguised as a German...
[/ QUOTE ]
Agreed. I had planned to add "I have 15 other Heroes doing the same thing at other sites...", but again at 99.9%, space issues. This is definitely one text change I have to work in there ... somehow.
[ QUOTE ]
chapter 4
-mission brief their is spelled wrong
-you need to change arachnos to the arachnos and make the second sentence plural. otherwise it sounds like a person rather than an organization. now i am confused. is arachnos a person? since the raiders are asking an arachnos agent where is arachnos...?
-why is it a defeat all in such an enormous map?
[/ QUOTE ]
I dont recall it being that huge a map, but I'll take another run through. I thought I had already changed all the Arachnos references to Recluse - guess I missed a few.
[ QUOTE ]
not one of your custom characters have a description, with exception of uncle sam's short one. none of your destructible objects has anything different in their descriptions. for example the time bomb in the first mission has still has the original rikti bomb description, which thematically makes no sense at all. tons of cool custom toons running around do not make up for these simple details.
[/ QUOTE ]
You know, a number of reviewers make a big deal of these descriptions, and to be honest, I've never bothered to look at one all the time I've played the game. Just not that important to me. I'm betting 90% of the game population would say the same. If I have extra space after implementing everything, I have no problem with adding a description, but I'm not sacrificing story text for descriptions.
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the next major problem is the story line. you have five missions, they are almost all unconnected,
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With the exception of his daughter's rescue, this statement is incorrect. This is a war story - he is sending you into battle where you're needed most. Sorry you dont like a story where battle plans are made due to circumstance and opportunity.
[ QUOTE ]
the dialogue needs a lot of work. it is very clichéd and standard. it seems to come from all the bad war hero movies. for example...
[NPC] Shogun Taganaki: I knew you German dogs were not to be trusted! Prepare to die.
[NPC] Shogun Taganaki: The Empire will soon dominate the world.
[NPC] Shogun Taganaki: You cannot hope to defeat me.
[NPC] Shogun Taganaki: What? This is not possible.
[/ QUOTE ]
I love those war hero movies. 
And yes, I was going for that kind of dialog. A bit corny? Yep - just like I wanted it.
[ QUOTE ]
your 4th mission is the worst. you have an enormous map and it is a kill all. this is a huge no-no for a lot of people. to make matters worse it is an arachnos base which makes for a lot of nooks and crannies for bad guys to hide in. i do not even think it made sense for the story to kill all. not really sure why i have to rescue people either. or that one was an ally and the other was just a captive.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'll look at the map once again - didnt take that long to complete either solo or on a team.
[ QUOTE ]
this arc was all over the place. you frame the Germans with an attack on a Japanese base and that stops all Japanese operations on american soil?
[/ QUOTE ]
No, that stops Japan from joining Germany on American soil. Are you going to allow an ally into a theatre when you suspect they might be on the verge of betraying you?
[ QUOTE ]
you stop two top generals and that turns the tide for the battle?
[/ QUOTE ]
If the Germans had assassinated MacArthur and Patton, you think that might have had an influence on the outcome of the war? I think it would have been a huge blow to American morale and might have turned the tide.
[ QUOTE ]
this arc needs some major revisions. it has potential, but as it is now i feel it is a mess. 
[/ QUOTE ]
Sorry you didnt like it. I will be making some changes when, and if, they increase the cap limit. I'll see about making some of the text changes mentioned. As far as it being a "total mess", guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. No, not a Devs choice, it's just a fun arc with a lot of fun custom mobs - and I don't intend to make too many major changes.
131430 Starfare: First Contact
178774 Tales of Croatoa: A Rose By Any Other Name ( 2009 MA Best In-Canon Arc ) ( 2009 Player Awards - Best Serious Arc )
Hey, thanks very much for the review!
[ QUOTE ]
White Collar Crime ID# 153323
mission 1
how do you know it is the freaks?
you could always do powerspike in the hacker speak... powasp1k3 or something ridiculous like that
exit pop up... maybe "of the freak leader...?"
[/ QUOTE ]
Good point on the name, I'll tweak that.
Not sure I understand your first comment, how do you know it is the Freaks? Was something in the briefing unclear?
[ QUOTE ]
mission 2
the boss has a hacker speak name here.
in forz3 1l3vhn his description is about the crey special projects not the character itself. is this on purpose?
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, he's actually a member of Crey Special Projects that has gone into "deep cover" with the Freaks. That's supposed to be the first hint for the player that CSG is involved. I'll try to make that more clear in the mission info.
[ QUOTE ]
mission 3
i like the surprise destruct sequence. that is a great touch.
maybe you could have its destruct dialogue go more than once, per damage that it takes. some kind of countdown?
[/ QUOTE ]
Glad you enjoyed that. Do you know how I would make its dialogue do that? I'd love to do a countdown by more than 1/4 damage intervals if I could.
[ QUOTE ]
mission 4
the void two captured animation was really weird... it might be bugged...
[/ QUOTE ]
Hm, that's the second report I've had of that, though he keeps looking fine in my testing. Not sure what's going on with that. What was he doing in your run through? Sounds like I just have to pick a different animation.
[ QUOTE ]
very nice and neat little arc you have there. i was thinking it was a little slow in the beginning but it got better as it went along. i could not see any typos, it had the appearance of being thoroughly checked and edited. the first two missions were a little on the forgettable side. but you had me intrigued when you threw in the destruction sequence. that was a nice touch and completely unexpected and added new tension to what was feeling like a routine mission.
[/ QUOTE ]
Glad you enjoyed it. I didn't want to reveal too much too early as I figured Crey would try to act through proxies first and cover their tracks. I'm glad that it got more interesting as it went along, that was definitely the intention.
[ QUOTE ]
the last mission is where you rolled out all the custom enemy group. i only wish that we could have had earlier encounters with some of them, besides the two bosses. if you could find a way to sprinkle them in a little earlier it would be nice. i wish i had ideas on how you could perk up the earlier missions.
[/ QUOTE ]
Very glad to hear you enjoyed the custom group, I was worried they might be a bit too hard, tough to balance the custom enemies right now. I could perhaps use them as the response team to help the Deputy Director rather than using Paragon Protectors, that would bring a few more of them in a mission early. I was just worried that would make the response team too hard for some players.
[ QUOTE ]
there were a couple of loose ends that i could not tie in my head. who was mr black and why should i trust him, especially in something that looks like a corporate turf war?
[/ QUOTE ]
Good question. Mr. Black is actually a senior executive in the "Void" Security branch, specifically in charge of being a liaison with independent super-powered 'assets'. I could give a bit more info on him, but his initial offer is really supposed to be the equivalent of a super-heroic consulting gig where you don't know much about your new employer. I figured he would be somewhat sparing with info at first for security reasons and that might also lead to the player wondering if they're really working for who they think they are. But I didn't want to cause too much confusion, just some curiosity and mystery.
[ QUOTE ]
i am also not clear as to why their shipment was intercepted and how this tied to crey. did they intercept crey tech too? did i miss this in the clues? if so why did i pursue this further? i must have missed something important along the way. maybe thnis could be solved by more detailed clues?
[/ QUOTE ]
Hm, I'm sure I explained that somewhere. If it was in one of the more easily missed clues, I'll make sure I add it to the more obvious briefings from the contact too.
[ QUOTE ]
otherwise, while slow starting, this arc picked up at the end nicely. the custom group was a lot of fun to fight. i would be interesting to take with a large team.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks again, your feedback is much appreciated and I'll make some improvements based on it.
hercules, i really feel bad when i give what i feel is a bad or negative review to something that i know someone has worked hard on. i want to reemphasize that it has potential. with a lot, in my opinion, reworking it could be interesting. you seem to have a lot of the issues worked out, but some were not clear to me. my two problems with all of this are 1) lack of details and 2) inconsistent story line.
lack of details is a difficult one. i know what it is like with threads that are at 99.99%. i have 2 of them. in both i had to severely cut back on the number of toons in the custom group. while this may be difficult to do in your head, adding finer details by far adds to the story. one custom toon removed and you could probably add descriptions to all you other toons. nuclear adam, for example. he only appears in the first mission. cut him out and you probably will find yourself with an extra 6% of space. of course, you do not have to do this. but players appreciate this kind of attention to them. on my hero therapy one i tried to put descriptions on everything. surprisingly to me, this is one thing i get a lot of positive feedback on. i am even contemplating throwing out the custom group to free up even more space so i can add more detail. this is why i was suggesting splitting the story up into two parts. one for germany and one for japan, two separate campaigns. that way you reduce the number of custom in each story, but allow for much greater detail and story.
yes, the 2nd mission is out of place, you admit that. but as i mentioned, all the stories maybe go together in a general sense. the thing is that there was no sense of one really leading to the next. with exception of the first and the last, the middle three could have been in any order. they were side missions, but did not add or subtract to the momentum of the story. i am not sure what to suggest in the way of tying them all together better, it is your story. but they need to be brought together closer somehow...
but anyways... i feel that if you made some revisions, along some of these lines that it could be a much better story. i would even be willing to run it again, if you came back to me and said that you made some revisions and would like me to give another shot. i am sorry you wanted me to do your other arc, this one just appealed to me. we can do another quid pro quo. welcome donut world needs more feedback since i made some revisions. but seriously, if you ask me to run it again after some revisions, i will and review it again if you want.
RG
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
hey SS... i enjoyed the arc a lot. i am not going to add much more than what i have already said. but i wanted to share my thoughts with you on the countdown on the self destruct... usually, in movies with countdowns there is usually a discontinuity of the flow of time. you know... there are 30 seconds left in the timer shot, and two minutes later of movie action there are still 10 seconds left. my idea was to have some bare bones of a countdown. maybe not even numbers. maybe ones that say something like "all non essential personnel must evacuate." maybe repeat this as it goes down in health and then switch to "all personnel must evacuate, destruction imminant." then when it is destroyed say something like "you had only 6 second left" or "the timer reads 00.00.03." just an idea...
(edit) oops... this was a defend object... in my head i was thinking destructible object. it might still work though... 
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Hey, RG... we already ran each others' arcs, but since I just made some modifications to mine based on some feedback I'd received, and just recently got on the boards, I thought I'd invite you to try it again, and see what you think of the changes.
It's "The Revenge of Dr. Radium", #100293.
End Game.arc#17006 by calash
ok i ran this with obvious girl, my level 30 MA/SR scrapper, on heroic.
my thoughts and observations as i was playing...
mission 1
opening brief. it should be names, and "you" in place of "your", comma after types, need a period for that sentence. something in spelled wrong.
the initial dialogue is amusing if you are playing a girl toon.
after "end game" the period needs to go inside the quotes.
what lead robot? there is no mention other of robots in the brief.
in patrol MK1 description it need be an instead of a...
in the security mk 1 description is says... "Slightly more intelligent than the battle droids it can summon the MK-1 can dispense low level programming as well as relay communication from higher level androids." needs punctuation. and how can RV steal something after he was arrested? maybe after his time in the zig?
why is there a battle between dark veil groups?
assault bot's dialogue "acquire" and "search" are spelled wrong
the assault bot clue it should probably say that she "should be able to..."
mission 2
in the nav bar, generally your tasks do not need punctuation.
only one ambush? and two terminals are missing two ambushes...
mission 3
in SV rescue text it says "that you, obvious girl." is this a question or should it be thank you?
the dark dwarfs from the rift invasion have the kheldian description...
the all lt's in the rift group is a bit harsh... especially with 6 waiting in heroic. the ally died early in the first fight. it might have been two or more battles in the same room... there were 14 orange LTs.
in the exit brief the flirt text that should be pink is not.
mission 4
who is calash? i know it is you, but this is the first time he is mentioned. more info is provided in the calash robot description.
the invasion is not mentioned anywhere else.
was calash MK II an EB? boss on heroic?
mission 5
the brief should probably say the calash MK II
calash with his fiery aura has no guards, therefore his animation is a bit off...
the healer bot ambush is a little much, along with the healer bot guards on calash MK II.
the multiple healer bot ambushes on the final boss, which is an extreme MM is too much. are the calash MKII and DV both EBs?
ok, i really like this story. it was quite well done and pretty decent story line. the custom enemy group was pretty fun to fight. even the MM minions, which i usually dread, were fine. i liked the use of assault bots as part of the enemy group and not summoned. the use of maps were good and appropriate, i did not have any complaints there. i really like the use of a computer key to trigger off ambushes if it was the wrong computer. though i would suggest maybe altering the ones that are the wrong ones to the one that is the correct one. having to fight an ambush is different than wanting to fight one. know that you were going to get ambushed no matter what you did was kind of annoying. i would suggest that maybe putting text like "you are not sure if this is the right one..." or "this is probably the wrong one, but..." for the triggering computers. " the real one could say "you are pretty confident this is the right one..." putting a little caution and skill into the process to give the player some credit rather than randomly mashing buttons to get a result.
there were several problems that i encountered though. let me start off with the big one. i have no problem with vanity pieces, but... having an EB extreme MM as the final boss with multiple ambushes of healing mobs is not terribly fair. all the fights that lead up to this point had been reasonably fair. with exception of maybe the dark dwarfs... but that is another story. one ambush with your calash MK II and the "real" calash was a little much. 4 would appear on heroic. i made it through that with one death. but after two deaths and two ambushes and no progress with the MM boss, i gave up. it was not a rage quit, it was more of a disappointment. it was not a fair fight. even with the help, he was inadequate in the fight at holding and maintaining aggro. which is what you certainly need with an extreme MM and 6 minions, not including the waves of EB/EMP minions. that fight was way out of proportion of the rest of the arc. so serious tweaking need to go down with that fight. some more help and maybe nerfing the boss a bit. if they were EBs you also should note that in your arc description.
there were also some story plot holes that need to be addressed. one that stood out immediately is the rift invasion at the portal corps. that came out of left field for the mission only but was never mentioned anywhere else. it was like going to las vegas. i do not even think the ally mentioned, other than the mission plot point of shut down the generators. it was kind of random, though fun. and why only dark dwarf LT's? the back story of minkia is incomplete too. missing as to why he thought she was too much trouble. later on suddenly you mention the calash robot, when we have no idea who this person is. he is just introduced at random. there is some filling in with his description in the mission, but in the brief it comes out of nowhere. which also brings up who built the calash MK II? it not really said, or the intro is not clear enough...
i began looking for typos, but i quit by the second mission. you need someone to go in and look for typos for you. that is not my job. i will help clean up loose typos here and there. but your text needs a lot of cleaning up. do what i do. i nagged someone for a week until they went over my arc with a fine tooth comb and sent me a detailed email. i still get a few here and there in feedback, but it helped enormously. your text is riddled with typos and grammatical errors. i know how it is, looking at the same text hundreds of times. that is why you need someone outside to clean it up for you.
otherwise, it is a very good arc and i enjoyed it. there was nothing glaring wrong with the story and it flowed well. i did not rate it, nor did i complete it. but that was for my reasons stated above. hopefully you will address some of those things and this well turn into a really good arc.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Thanks for the feedback.
Some of the problems you ran into are due to limitations of the AE engine. For example the fighting between the robot groups should not be but there is no good way to set the mission up without the potental for this.
Another is Calash in mission 5 having nobody around him. He turns on Blazing Aura and kills them off before you get to them. If he spawns in the front you get the effect I was looking for of him fighting off the attackers.
In mission 2 there are 6 total terminals. 1 is the correct one, 4 spawn ambushes, and two do nothing. They are random to try and make it less repetitive.
Mission 3.....that one has been giving me problems. I had thought I got rid of the issue where only the dwarfs spawn but apparently I did not. At higher levels you get a random assortment of other world creatures. I will look into it again and try to get the level arrangement done better.
I intentionally left out some of the background that you were looking for. Being based off of an RP arc there is a ton of material but it would only bog the mission down. A bit more would not hurt and I can drop the names around the arc.
I am sorry you had problems with the last mission. My attempt was to design an encounter that did not consist of targeting one mob and punching until he was dead. Being in his lab would allow him to draw upon support troops. The concept, at least in my head, was that the ambushes had to be stopped first then you can finally take him out.
That being said the difficulty level of this encounter is something I am always working on. It may be best if I put a minion level mob into the ambush group so that it has less healing mobs. My other option is to limit the healing mobs to one ambush and use the regular ones for the others. I will work with this balance and see what I can come up with.
Thanks again for the feedback
Edit: I made some corrections to the spelling. Proof reading is not my strong point so I will have to go over it again slowly.
I also took your advice on the computer terminals. They shoot out a message saying if you have a good or bad feeling about this terminal when you use it. If you want you can cancel the interaction before the ambush spawns.
Adding a minion to my ambush squads in mission 5 resulted in no LTs being spawned and no healing support at all. I am going to play around with the difficulty and see if I can get it to work right with a couple of healing mobs and minions to fill it out. this will get rid of the insane recovery aura and energy punches the ambush brings.
Can You WIN the Internet? MA Arc #85544
i ran this with my level 32 MA/SR scrapper, obvious girl, on heroic.
first, the few typos that i saw...
mission 2
in the debrief it says "sneaking on to discussion..."
mission 3
in the first paragraph it says "more to come.Now..."
in the away text(?), i cannot remember what it is called, the comma after scientific research needs to be in the quotes.
in the mission pop-up motel is capitalized
well, that was a really good arc. i enjoyed it immensely. it was inventive and humorous. there is not much i can offer in criticism. i was pretty annoyed when i entered the first mission with my grand new shiny level 32 power only to realize at the first fight i was level 20... but besides that initial surprise i had very few problems. i really liked the custom groups and fighting them. it is too bad that they are only in one mission. overall difficulty was not bad, even the EB/AV was not too difficult. the text has obviously been thoroughly edited and the grammar is pretty solid.
my one bit of criticism is your choice of maps. i was not big on the 1st or the 2nd maps, the 3rd and 4th were ok. were you deliberately avoiding unique maps? there are a couple that might be more suitable. at least for the 2nd mission the freaks unique warehouse map was the one that came to my mind, for example. maybe one of the foggy maps for the 1st one since they there is some much spam it is hard to see... just a thought... the patrol texts on the last mission got a little repetitive. a little more variation might be nice. actually i like your dialogue a lot, you should try to inject some more if you can.
otherwise it was a great arc and i enjoyed reading all that i could. truthfully i do not have much to offer in way of improving this arc. it is pretty damn good as is. it kept me entertained throughout, i cannot ask for much more.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
[ QUOTE ]
first, the few typos that i saw...
[/ QUOTE ]
I'll grab all these first chance I get. Thanks for doing the tedious task of proofreading.
[ QUOTE ]
i really liked the custom groups and fighting them. it is too bad that they are only in one mission.
[/ QUOTE ]
I am considering bringing back the prawn for their own MA Arc at some point, but I was running out of space & didn't want to overuse them in this arc. I already have two bosses and an EB designed for them that I just didn't enter into this arc for space reasons.
[ QUOTE ]
my one bit of criticism is your choice of maps. i was not big on the 1st or the 2nd maps, the 3rd and 4th were ok. were you deliberately avoiding unique maps?
[/ QUOTE ]
In a word, yes. I designed the arc in the first few days of MA being live, and unique maps were going at a dime a dozen. I felt like it might be better to see a few normal maps and focus on the dialogue, clues, and things like that than worry about showcasing unusual maps (which, as I said, were becoming painfully common). I'm also not familiar with too many of the really unique maps as most of my playtime has been on redside, where they don't come up very often at all. So, I can't just look at a name for a unique map and always know what it will look like.
I'll try to track down the Freaks unique maps, and the foggy map might work for the first mish. I know I wanted the tech labs for mish 2 & 4 to reflect the idea that you were in a digital environment.
[ QUOTE ]
...the patrol texts on the last mission got a little repetitive.
[/ QUOTE ]
You're the second person to point that out and I'll have to fix it for sure now. I'm not sure if I have the room to put in different patrols (I think the arc is at 95-96%), but it's on my revision priority list now.
Thanks for your input, RG! Once I have some more arcs up, I will definitely be looking for your help in polishing them!
"...his madness keeps him sane.": My Profile on VirtueVerse
Can You WIN the Internet? MA Arc #85544
Inhuman Resources - At Work with IE #298132
Task Force Mutternacht #349522 <-- 1st AE Challenge
Ok, you seem fairly un-swamped, so I'll throw mine into the ring. I'd like a critique of either
The Second Coming of the Mega Mech (#122274)
or
Freaks, Geeks, and Men in Black (#161629)
I've played through Donut World ('cause I have to do what everybody else isn't) and left a critique in the thread.
Eva Destruction AR/Fire/Munitions Blaster
Darkfire Avenger DM/SD/Body Scrapper
Arc ID#161629 Freaks, Geeks, and Men in Black
Arc ID#431270 Until the End of the World
thank you eva, i will put you on my list. which is not terribly long for reviews, but i am going to london for a few days over the over weekend. not sure if i will get to it before then. we'll see...
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Feedback on Welcome to Donut World!
I played on a level 24 energy/kin corruptor at challenge level 1.
I enjoyed it a great deal and would recommend it. I did have to get high-level help for the final boss though; my own attacks barely registered. As you warned that it would be challenging in the description I thought that was fair.
I can't remember seeing narrative voice used in contact dialogue in the regular game so it seemed a bit odd, but I didn't find it jarring, which is a good sign. It fit the story; I mean the sense that you're acting, to some extent, on promptings generated from within your own consciousness... I'm wondering if it would be better if its use were consistent, e.g. briefings always in Ms. Liberty's voice (plus encoded messages of course), debriefings and send-off in second person narrative with the final debriefing as a possible exception. Just an idea though. IIRC you definitely leaned that way.
As I was playing I was wondering, "Is my character doing the right thing, or is he going mad?" Is that what you were going for? I didn't have a problem with it on that particular character; after all, he does the wrong thing all the time, but it occurs to me that I might have been uncomfortable with it on some of my heroes.
The lieutenant-level stalkers were an interesting (and sometimes AGGRAVATING) challenge. I think they defeated me almost as often as I defeated them. They generally used the shuriken for their opening attacks, which was a much less unpleasant surprise than when they appeared within melee range. Were there different varieties for each name at the minion level? I never quite got the hang of which minions did what.
How did you get Dime Bag to cower? I thought that animation was deleted during open beta for captives. The only way I could get it to work in my arc was to edit the text file and republish any time I wanted to make a change. I gave up on doing that pretty quickly.
Some of my nitpicky spelling, grammar and typo type observations (for what they're worth):
<ul type="square">[*]M1 exit popup - "the Collective confiscated something from and it is"[*]M2 popup - "muchless on of that is held" -- "Much less" is two words, but I suspect the whole thing is an editor mishap.[*]M2 collection item "You have found not what you were looking for..." -- Is that word order deliberate?[*]M3 exit popup - "clarify things up" -- I would think, "clear things up" or "clarify things".[*]M3 Dime Bag reacquired - "OH, thank goodness!" -- Is the capital H deliberate?[*]M4 briefing - "BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL, THIS IS ..." -- Should the comma be a period or semicolon?[*]M5 Compass text - "shutdown" should be two words.[/list]
Again, really enjoyed it. Thanks!
I'd welcome any feedback on my arc, 55761 (Something to do with Fear). I'm particularly concerned to know whether the villains are too sympathetic.
I played on a level 24 energy/kin corruptor at challenge level 1.
I enjoyed it a great deal and would recommend it. I did have to get high-level help for the final boss though; my own attacks barely registered. As you warned that it would be challenging in the description I thought that was fair.
ah good, i am glad to have a couple of recent plays on this arc. it is greatly appreciated. i just got another review with someone saying contrarywise for the final boss. on well, i like her so she will be staying the same. i do have to run it witn an very low toon one of these days, though. i ran the hero therapy one with a level 13 and that was fine. this one i have not.
I can't remember seeing narrative voice used in contact dialogue in the regular game so it seemed a bit odd, but I didn't find it jarring, which is a good sign. It fit the story; I mean the sense that you're acting, to some extent, on promptings generated from within your own consciousness... I'm wondering if it would be better if its use were consistent, e.g. briefings always in Ms. Liberty's voice (plus encoded messages of course), debriefings and send-off in second person narrative with the final debriefing as a possible exception. Just an idea though. IIRC you definitely leaned that way.
i like the effect, but i am pretty sure it needs to be refined further. i added the color at a later date for emphasis and readability. it needs fiddling, though i am not sure how yet.
As I was playing I was wondering, "Is my character doing the right thing, or is he going mad?" Is that what you were going for? I didn't have a problem with it on that particular character; after all, he does the wrong thing all the time, but it occurs to me that I might have been uncomfortable with it on some of my heroes.
the story is loosely based off of my experiences with living with a schizophrenic man. you quickly learn the relitivity of reality when you see the same things but interpret them completely differently. he was a high functioning schizophrenic, but very intelligent and very crazy. there comes a point where learn that your reality is a choice, it just is not obvious a lot of the time in your life. i think the key is that there is something going on, but ultimately you have to decide whether he is right on or completely crazy and mixing reality up too much.
The lieutenant-level stalkers were an interesting (and sometimes AGGRAVATING) challenge. I think they defeated me almost as often as I defeated them. They generally used the shuriken for their opening attacks, which was a much less unpleasant surprise than when they appeared within melee range. Were there different varieties for each name at the minion level? I never quite got the hang of which minions did what.
i was going for minions that were difficult to distinguish, hence the interchangable names. the /ninja LTs were much worse when they did not have the ranged attack. i have yet to see them lately though. i need to run through again soon.
How did you get Dime Bag to cower? I thought that animation was deleted during open beta for captives. The only way I could get it to work in my arc was to edit the text file and republish any time I wanted to make a change. I gave up on doing that pretty quickly.
as far as i knew the cower is still there. i will look when i log back on.
Some of my nitpicky spelling, grammar and typo type observations (for what they're worth):
<ul type="square">[*]M2 collection item "You have found not what you were looking for..." -- Is that word order deliberate?[/list]
thank you for those. my english has become a bit odd. it has always been a bit archaic. but i have been traveling and living overseas for the past 3 years. i spent 16 months traveling in central and south america and learning spanish along the way. i now live in south france and learning frehnch. so i find my english, at least written, gets a bit funny. actually it sounds a little like yoda speak... i will fix those typos though.
I'd welcome any feedback on my arc, 55761 (Something to do with Fear). I'm particularly concerned to know whether the villains are too sympathetic.
i have you on my list. i am going to london over the weekend for a couple of days so it may be next week. we'll see... thank you again for the play and review.
RG
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
[ QUOTE ]
No rush. Any feedback at all is appreciated. Most people run through an arc and don't leave any feedback whatsoever. 
[/ QUOTE ]
Return of the Revenge of the Son of Drakule Part 2: First Blood by laserjesus, arc #84543
i played this with obvious girl, a level 32 MA/SR scrapper on heroic.
mission 1
foretell is spelled wrong in the opening brief
i played the first arc earlier and this is a worthy sequel. i like this short arc too. i found one typo, so it is thoroughly edited. it has the same custom group as the last time with a couple of new additions. they are fun to fight though maybe a little overpowered. i ran this the first time with mr messy, my level 38 grav/storm troller and had a terrible time and so i switched. their ranged attacks seemed to ignore my hurricaine and mist. so i went with the scrapper.
now i do have one big complaint... while in your description you give the standard EB/AV warning. of which i am thankful for. you do say solo is possible, but not recommended for levels 1-4. do you mean 1-40? the first AV, EB for me, was an extreme necro MM AV, which makes sense for the theme. i managed to kill him, after being cut down once. the second EB/AV was not too bad either, being cut down again once. the third was fine, i took him down no problem. the final one was a pain in the [censored], and he took several tries. while you do recommend teams, i really think you should figure out a way to work in a couple of allies to give your average squishy soloer a little bit of help. maybe some born-again romanians... they were pretty difficult. i am not sure if your warnings are adequate.
other than that this is a good and funny, but solid, story arc. i enjoyed it. it made me smile a lot and laugh a couple times. i can not ask for much more.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
I'm always looking to fine tune the difficulty of my custom enemies, as the main point of the challenge is supposed to be the AVs, and not the custom enemies. Well, maybe the bosses are a tad difficult. From what you're saying though, the ranged attacks hitting a lot seem to be similar to my experiences of fighting custom enemies as an SR scrapper. I believe they have a higher base accuracy than normal critters.
The arc is definitely more focused for high level characters, but the notice actually doesn't recommend not to play it at levels 1-4, it actually flat out says not to, and there's a very good reason for that. The AV that spawns in the first mission uses a custom group built from canon enemies, including every single undead enemy, and the praetorian shadow monsters for fun. (I really like those little shadow imps for some reason.) There are no true undead from 1-4, as I don't count Vahzilok zombies as true undead, and neither does the game. So what will happen at levels 1-4, is that the AV will spawn surrounded by nothing but copies of himself. Which would be very bad.
As far as the difficulty of the final AV, him being that difficult is purely by design. I've actually toned him down a few times. He used to be on extreme dark armor, just for a "gotcha" moment as he uses soul transfer, but then I realized that he would have mez protection, so I turned it down to hard. The biggest thing you have to worry about with him is the dark regen. Ironically, your Grav/Storm controller probably wouldn't have had many problems with him due to the debuffs and the holds preventing him from using it very often.
Perhaps I can make it more clear in the description that the arc is meant to be challenging. I'll see what I can do.
Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!
EDIT: I actually looked over the final AV again, and I hadn't noticed that Power Boost apparently was put on hard difficulty in Energy Assault. That was probably making him harder than he should have been, since his healing, and I think even resistance was being buffed by it. I put him on standard, which should make him a bit easier.
So what will happen at levels 1-4, is that the AV will spawn surrounded by nothing but copies of himself. Which would be very bad.
now that would be cool... though honestly i do not remember what was guarding it. actually i do not remember anything but your custom group in that mission. COT, maybe? i just think the wording is odd in the warning. i totally misinterpreted what it said. now that i reread it, it makes sense.
but other than that i am not worried about the difficulty levels of the AVs, just that you might provide some help. AVs are AVs, hard to begin with. but with my mid level scrapper they were quite a trial. i am just saying...
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
I'll try to track down the Freaks unique maps, and the foggy map might work for the first mish. I know I wanted the tech labs for mish 2 & 4 to reflect the idea that you were in a digital environment
the freak map i was thinking of is a warehouse map that is trashed ala freak style. there are a couple of foggy maps that come to my mind. one is the green fog map, which is an office map. the other, though i do not think it would work, is the cave of the shaper. that map is huge and a pain in the [censored] though. the hellions map is burning office and very difficult to see in.
i don't know... it was just an idea. i understand what you mean by the digital evironment. i just thnought the maps could use a little more oomph...
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
Well, I just tried Hero Therapy with my 47th level Archery/Devices Blaster, and it's one of several that I've found troublesome to review... because I REALLY liked it, up to the point I go up against an undefeatable enemy.
Despite several tries, I simply couldn't get past the Secret Shame and her 578 point Fireballs. Allies are a good thing in this regard, but the problem is, once they get killed off, they can't come back. Not to mention that she has those little Red Cap bastards with her, too! (Also, I never found the Librarian in that one, not that it would've made much difference.)
But I love the overall concept and the execution, and how "dreamlike" the settings are.
The Little Nightmares... those things are NASTY, but appropriately so in this case. I'm not actually sure what they *are* (ambushes? patrols?), and they come out of nowhere, apparently, which is quite appropriate. Unless I was prepared for them, they'd kick my butt.
Anyways, here's mine:
Arc Name: Ashley Porter and the Gorilla War
Arc ID: 130809
Faction: Uzbek Lowland Gorillas, Abwehr Section 2, the Blackhorse Squadron, and the Red Army! Plus a mystery villain!
Creator Global/Forum Name: suedenim
Level Range: Intended for any
Suitable for Heroes and/or Villain types who still don't like National Socialists.
Soloable?: Should be. There's an EB in the final mission.
Length: 4 missions, none especially long.
Difficulty Level: Easy to Moderate. If you're clever, you can get various warring factions to fight each other and make your job easier. Last mission intended to be challenging, but not ludicrously so.
Synopsis:
An adaptation of the classic 1938 film Ashley Porter and the Gorilla War (see also: Ashley Porter Diamond Anniversary Special.)
Ashley Porter, the famed Western heroine, has stabled her trusty black mare, Shadow, for the duration of the war, as she leads an all-girl aviation commando team, the Blackhorse Squadron. And "Lady Blackhorse" needs your help, because the Uzbek Lowland Gorillas are revolting!
(No, no, not like the fellas in the Spanish Civil War. The big primates.)
All-out military action in the classic Ashley Porter style, featuring the Blackhorse Squadron, the sinister Germans of Abwehr Section 2, the Red Army, and Uzbek Gorilla Partisans!
[ QUOTE ]
Well, I just tried Hero Therapy with my 47th level Archery/Devices Blaster, and it's one of several that I've found troublesome to review... because I REALLY liked it, up to the point I go up against an undefeatable enemy.
Despite several tries, I simply couldn't get past the Secret Shame and her 578 point Fireballs. Allies are a good thing in this regard, but the problem is, once they get killed off, they can't come back. Not to mention that she has those little Red Cap bastards with her, too! (Also, I never found the Librarian in that one, not that it would've made much difference.)
But I love the overall concept and the execution, and how "dreamlike" the settings are.
The Little Nightmares... those things are NASTY, but appropriately so in this case. I'm not actually sure what they *are* (ambushes? patrols?), and they come out of nowhere, apparently, which is quite appropriate. Unless I was prepared for them, they'd kick my butt.
Anyways, here's mine:
[/ QUOTE ]
hey suedenim, what challenge level were you playing? SS is a tough one, i even toned her down to /fire armor standard awhile ago. with that mission you only have 2 allies, vanity and the SYL. were you looking for a third? if you were looking for the second and could not find her, that would be odd since it is a small map and i have not encountered that problem yet. but, yeah, once you lose the allies it is a pain. if you were playing anything other than heroic or rugged, it would have been nightmarish for the solo, semi squishy, player. i did tenacious with my lvl 50 tank, which was tough but not impossible. i have tested it at most levels and archetypes, though i do need to run it with one of my squishier controllers. if you were playing it at a high setting i would encourage you to try again on heroic. then you can smell the roses. but your feedback is appreciated, i am glad you gave it a try. i will put your arc on my list. though it may take me until late next week to get to it, since i am off to london for a few days.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
[ QUOTE ]
Well, I just tried Hero Therapy with my 47th level Archery/Devices Blaster, and it's one of several that I've found troublesome to review... because I REALLY liked it, up to the point I go up against an undefeatable enemy.
Despite several tries, I simply couldn't get past the Secret Shame and her 578 point Fireballs. Allies are a good thing in this regard, but the problem is, once they get killed off, they can't come back. Not to mention that she has those little Red Cap bastards with her, too! (Also, I never found the Librarian in that one, not that it would've made much difference.)
[/ QUOTE ]
ok i just ran my arc, twice. once with the locksmith of love, my level 33 ILL/RAD troller, and with tired of it ALL, my level 33 AR/DEV blaster. i did not encounter any unusual problems. i got a second complaint about SS being too difficult. so i checked her out. she is a melee fire blast/fire armor elite boss and both are set on standard. on heroic she comes as a tough boss. nothing unusual there. i really think that what is needed here is a change of tactics. i have taken her with a level 13 archery/psi blaster. all on heroic of course. with my blaster this time she aggroed on me, but came out of the room alone and then the allies kicked in. she went down without too much trouble. i would ask that you go back and try again on heroic, and take it easy. i lost neither of my allies in any of the missions. please give it a second chance, i feel it is worth it.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Well, I just tried Hero Therapy with my 47th level Archery/Devices Blaster, and it's one of several that I've found troublesome to review... because I REALLY liked it, up to the point I go up against an undefeatable enemy.
Despite several tries, I simply couldn't get past the Secret Shame and her 578 point Fireballs. Allies are a good thing in this regard, but the problem is, once they get killed off, they can't come back. Not to mention that she has those little Red Cap bastards with her, too! (Also, I never found the Librarian in that one, not that it would've made much difference.)
But I love the overall concept and the execution, and how "dreamlike" the settings are.
The Little Nightmares... those things are NASTY, but appropriately so in this case. I'm not actually sure what they *are* (ambushes? patrols?), and they come out of nowhere, apparently, which is quite appropriate. Unless I was prepared for them, they'd kick my butt.
Anyways, here's mine:
[/ QUOTE ]
hey suedenim, what challenge level were you playing? SS is a tough one, i even toned her down to /fire armor standard awhile ago. with that mission you only have 2 allies, vanity and the SYL. were you looking for a third? if you were looking for the second and could not find her, that would be odd since it is a small map and i have not encountered that problem yet. but, yeah, once you lose the allies it is a pain. if you were playing anything other than heroic or rugged, it would have been nightmarish for the solo, semi squishy, player. i did tenacious with my lvl 50 tank, which was tough but not impossible. i have tested it at most levels and archetypes, though i do need to run it with one of my squishier controllers. if you were playing it at a high setting i would encourage you to try again on heroic. then you can smell the roses. but your feedback is appreciated, i am glad you gave it a try. i will put your arc on my list. though it may take me until late next week to get to it, since i am off to london for a few days.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was playing on Rugged, and I did have both available allies. (I was thinking perhaps the Librarian was around somewhere too, since she was in the previous mission.) I laid down a field of Trip Mines and Caltrops for her the first time, and got her down below 25%, but it took all my Inspirations to get there, and I couldn't finish her off.
As I think about it, I'm wondering if perhaps my character just sucks. Ashley's my first high-level Blaster, but I remember some conventional wisdom from a couple years ago, that Blasters become the most sucktastic archetype in the mid-to-late 40s. Like all the other archetypes catch up and surpass them in damage-dealing, but they can all take a punch, while the Blaster still can't. And come to think about it, I've been having a lot more trouble soloing Elite Bosses on regular missions too.
So it might be more that the game hates high-level Blasters than any problem with your arc as such.
I'll definitely give it a try on Heroic, or maybe with a different character, though.
Arc #55761 Something to do with Fear by cwthorn
i ran this arc with the locksmith of love, a level 33 ILL/RAD controller, on heroic.
things i saw and obsevations...
mission 1
in the rescue text it says 'DON't'
in the exit brief it says 'used to be this was happening to one, two people at a time...' awkward sentence. i know you are trying to imitate someones speech, but it does not make sense on first reading.
mission 2
in opening brief it says ' He says the Archon left with a bunch of Reynolds' men. We've been keeping tabs on this Archon Reynolds' maybe you need to write out the archon names. i got confused
nightmare and spectral phobia have the same description
ok something is strange. it completed when i rescued the captive. but he behaved like he was a rescue ally. he had a follow/lost text. is he an ally, and if so why complete with him?
ok, there is a lot left to be desired here. you have a decent story here, and it has the potential to be much better.
just as a warning, now... i now am going to be critical and fairly negative... but that does not mean that the whole thing is crap and should be put out with yesterday's garbage. you have a story, you have missions, you have custom toons... you lack oomph. what i mean is you call this a horror/humourous arc, but it lacks a lot of both. you have the some of the elements, but you are missing a couple of things. part of it is that you are missing atmosphere and detailed content. also your arc seemed empty, but this is related to detailed content.
you need the atmoshere for the horror based. while the graveyard is a good start, the other two maps did not really fit. they fit the story, yes... but they did not create a good atmosphere. when i chose my maps for my therapy arc i not only chose them for how they looked, but also for how they sounded. some maps enhance their creepy atmosphere with creepy background sound. i think you need to explore the maps a little more and find one that suits what you are trying to achieve. the first map was an abandoned warehouse. it lacked tension. maybe this was because it was filled with bad guys just standing around. the only dialogue was from the rescue. there were no ambushs, no patrols, no extra dialogue and therfore was a big empty space with some bad guys, a couple of clues and a rescue.
with detailed content, as mentioned, you are sorely lacking. there are so many places you can put dialogue that fill in the great empty spaces that you had. this can both fill the humor and the horror aspects. in the second mission there were multiple battles, but no dialogue. this would be a great place for your humour. i imagine council screaming 'but i don't want my wisdom teeth pulled' while fighting the nightmares would be pretty amusing. multiple different dialogues please, repetition with multiple battles gets tedious. there were a lot of battles, but no action. nothing to fill the space and create the atmosphere beyond the setting.
you have a few monsters in your custom group, but not too many. with three missions, and the number of customs that i saw i am willing to bet that you had a fair amout of space left over. i say use that space till it is almost full. in my three mission arc i have about 13 custom toons. i am pretty sure you did not have that many, maybe 7? this is space that you should be using to flesh out your story. right now it seems like a story that is half finished. you have some good ideas with the toons, but there is a lot more that you can do with them. why not throw a doctor or a dentist in there? or a clown or aliens? who knows? i love my pop-up book of phobias and pop-up book of nightmares, they always come in handy for source material... there is a lot more you can throw in there that would fulfill what you are setting out to do.
but anyways... you have a story, but it is like a screenplay that has not been filmed yet. it is like it is still in reading of the lines phase and not even in dress rehearsal. i did not rate this arc because i did not feel that it was finished and i do not want to render judgement one way or the other. maybe if you work on it for a bit and come back to me and ask me to review it again i will.
try these two arcs that i really enjoyed for some ideas... Laugh? I Thought I'd DIE! Arc #68429 and Arc #51357: Rise of the Drakule. they are along the same kind of lines that i think you are going for. maybe they could provide some inspiration.
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233
i will put on my review list right now...
global: ridiculous girl
Hero Therapy! (TM) - 119228
welcome to donut world - 1233