Cheriour

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Fairly standard Malta story. Unfortunately, I'm not a fan of standard Malta stories (I'm more interested in superhero stuff than superspy/global conspiracy stuff). Fans of the genre may enjoy this arc more.

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Thanks for mentioning that, it doesn't by any means invalidate your critique but it does put it in a different context.


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That was my thought at the time, too. I didn't think it was fair to comment on an arc after playing through and finding out that it was in a genre I don't normally care for without stating the bias.

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Why Freakshow? I wouldn't think the KoA would put up with their contract being given to another group, and I can't think of any reason why Malta would hire the Freaks to conduct a hit when they already had the KoA on the payroll. We know the "suits" hired them, but that's it, and they are never mentioned again.

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Malta didn't hire them. Crey did. Perhaps I should clarify that more. And the KoA aren't happy about it, that's why the patrols are complaining.


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You know, with the only Crey it was throwing at me being tanks it didn't even register with me that the Freaks might have been talking about Crey. This makes so much more sense now.
Perhaps some added tension between the Crey and Malta in the next arc might be appropriate? You know, of the "how dare you interfere with our work" variety....

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Mission 3: West Libertalia and Ambassador Alwani seem to be there for no reason other than to show your extensive knowledge of canon. Why does Malta have an interest? What do they hope to accomplish by kidnapping the people they have? Maybe I missed a clue or something.


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I used West Libertalia because I didn't want to use a real country, and I didn't see the point of making up a country when the game had already made one up and not told us what happened to it. We know they had a Sky Raider problem, and that's it. Malta doesn't agree with their government's policies, so they're going to change them, because that's what they do. Again, should probably be clarified in a clue.


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I think it was an excellent choice to use the established fictional country, I just wanted more detail on exactly what Malta intended. The opportunity here is to unofficially add to the canon by expanding on what they wrote. We know so little about it, and they pretty much have ignored it since those original missions where it came up... it would be nice to see some more details about what Malta doesn't like, how they plan to change it. Do they plan to assassinate the leader and put their own image-cloaked agent in his place? Is the leader already a puppet of a larger country, and if so do they plan to leave the leader in place and replace the primary "advisor" with their own agent? Do they plan to replace the head of that country's military (if it has one) and stage a coup? Do they plan to replace other nations' ambassadors, and stage a political coup, possibly through manipulation of the U.N.? The possibilities go on and on, and getting more of those details would make the arc -- for me at least -- more satisfying.

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Mission 4: Nothing but Crey Tanks, and a sprinkling of Malta. Especially on a map this large, slogging through the Crey Tanks gets really old really fast. I suggest either levelcapping the arc below the "tanks-only" level (44?), or adding some custom Crey to liven things up.

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I have been giving some thought to adding some of the gun-toting suits we all know and love. I don't like the all-tanks Crey either. The only downside I see to that is they would look sort of out of place among the real gun-toting suits you get if you're playing through with a lower-level character. I'm probably going to do it anyway though.


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I'm hoping they add as a feature later on the ability to set level ranges for your custom mobs (if you can already, someone PLEASE tell me how). That way, you could make a custom Crey group, fill it with the random Crey, and then add in the level-ranged suits that would only appear at the highest levels, after the "official" ones have already dropped out.
As it is, I definitely recommend adding at least some lieut-level suits, so that the MiB referenced in the title at least show up during the mission.

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Mission 5: Large map, few objectives, timer. This is what I call a "Haystack" mission (as in "finding a needle in a..."). Of course, the people I was looking for were in obscure corners of the geography, under awnings or billboards so they can't be seen from above, which means I had to run all over the map at ground level slogging my way through endless Malta minions in order to find them.

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I would dearly love a smaller map. Or even just to be able to pick spawn points so the stuff you're looking for is out in the open. Unfortunately outdoor maps are huge for some reason.


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One of the many, many things I originally wrote before it ate my post (most of the stuff I liked about the arc, in retrospect; it ended up with my follow-up post sounding a bit... grumpy), was that I didn't see a really good solution to this problem. All of the smaller city maps are very specialized (like the Carnie map with the tents in the open grassy area... smaller map, but would make no sense for your mission). It's my hope they will either 1) add some smaller city maps or 2) add an editor where you can take an existing map and make your own "blue box" of barrier walls by simply clicking and dragging to select the area you want. Both would solve your problem, but until then I'm at a loss too.

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Having a neat story at the end, telling what happened with Alwani etc. after I saved the day, might have made it all worthwhile, but all I got was 1) I got some good press coverage, and 2) please come to the wake. What happened in West Libertalia? What global catastrophe did my actions prevent? Alas, it appears I will never know....


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I'm not happy with the final briefing either. I hate writing them. I have a tiny little box to sum everything up in....it's frustrating. I think I might change it to be in the form of another phone call, from someone who can give you some closure.


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How about an end-of-arc souvenier, such as a newspaper article or thank-you letter from the government or some such?
Usually they get used for mission summaries, but you could use it for mission resolution, and that way the people who are all about pwnage could ignore it like they usually do, and those of us looking for detail will read it and enjoy.

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Thanks for slogging through, and offering a critique.

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No problemo. Sorry my previous post was a bit terse... I probably should have waited a bit after it ate my original post to let my mood improve before re-posting.
It's a solid arc of its type (again, I'm not a fan of the genre, but other people are, and I'm not so full of myself that I think if I don't like it nobody should), but I think some added detail and a few tweaks could really flesh it out.
I added your other arc to my queue (I don't remember if I said that before or if that was in the post it ate) thinking it might be more my kind of arc, and will give it a try as well.

Oh my freaking god...

I wrote a long critique of the arc, and when I clicked Continue it told me that it had timed out or some such, and when I clicked back, my text was gone.

I hate this forum editor.

*sigh*

Ok, I'll hit the high points. I apologize for not having more detail, but at this point I'm very frustrated with the editor, and the fact that it just ate about a half hour of work.

WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW
Arc 161629, Freaks, Geeks, and Men in Black

Fairly standard Malta story. Unfortunately, I'm not a fan of standard Malta stories (I'm more interested in superhero stuff than superspy/global conspiracy stuff). Fans of the genre may enjoy this arc more.

Mission 1:
There's a body bag already in the map, in the same area as your two body bag glowies appear. You can't click it, it's just part of the map. Makes me wonder who else died, and why they have the body stashed in the office....
Mission 2:
Why Freakshow? I wouldn't think the KoA would put up with their contract being given to another group, and I can't think of any reason why Malta would hire the Freaks to conduct a hit when they already had the KoA on the payroll. We know the "suits" hired them, but that's it, and they are never mentioned again.
Mission 3: West Libertalia and Ambassador Alwani seem to be there for no reason other than to show your extensive knowledge of canon. Why does Malta have an interest? What do they hope to accomplish by kidnapping the people they have? Maybe I missed a clue or something.
Mission 4: Nothing but Crey Tanks, and a sprinkling of Malta. Especially on a map this large, slogging through the Crey Tanks gets really old really fast. I suggest either levelcapping the arc below the "tanks-only" level (44?), or adding some custom Crey to liven things up.
Mission 5: Large map, few objectives, timer. This is what I call a "Haystack" mission (as in "finding a needle in a..."). Of course, the people I was looking for were in obscure corners of the geography, under awnings or billboards so they can't be seen from above, which means I had to run all over the map at ground level slogging my way through endless Malta minions in order to find them. By the end of it I was seriously considering letting the timer expire just so that I could find out what Operation: Requiem was.

Overall, it just didn't grip me, and I was left feeling like I was missing a lot of the story. Now, realistically if there was some shadowy group involved in global conspiracies, there would be a lot of questions left unanswered. However, this isn't real life, this is a game, an entertainment, and I did not find myself pulled in by the story, nor rewarded with enough information at the end to make me feel that it was worth the time I put in, especially with all those Crey Tanks and Malta in the last two missions. Having a neat story at the end, telling what happened with Alwani etc. after I saved the day, might have made it all worthwhile, but all I got was 1) I got some good press coverage, and 2) please come to the wake. What happened in West Libertalia? What global catastrophe did my actions prevent? Alas, it appears I will never know....

Thanks again for trying my arc. I'll add #122274 to my play queue.

Thanks for the review.
[The following contains spoilers, so if you haven't run my arc please skip... or run my arc. ]

Mission 1:
Yeah, that problem with the safe is irking me. It is set to appear in "back", and the boss with the combination is set to appear in "middle", yet the system is constantly putting the safe first, and ignoring the third floor of the map entirely. Other than choosing a different map (which I am considering), I'm not sure what to do about this. It seems to be a technical error within the AE programming itself. I have reported it, but of course no response...

Mission 2: Again, that darned problem with positioning of glowies. Both the AV/EB and the glowie are supposed to appear in the big room in the back. Unfortunately, it keeps putting it in the hall. I used to have this set to a Council caves map, but too many people complained about having to find a glowie in a Council caves map, so I switched to the less complex warehouse map.

Mission 3:
Where are you getting your information about the Psychic Clockwork? I used ParagonWiki, and there is very little information about them there. From what I can tell, they are simply the clockwork of Epsilon Tau 27-2, with the only significant difference being the psi aspect. Is there other information about the Psychic Clockwork that I am missing?
The implication from the intro text was supposed to be that "Dr. Aeon" had acquired some of them while off-dimension (presumably on Epsilon Tau 27-2), and had taken them back to study, only to have them escape. I assumed that the self-replicating was a programmed behavior, and with them dragged to our dimension, and thus separated from any new commands from their master, they would simply continue to execute their programming, creating more and more clockwork.
I do not want to deviate from Canon. If you could point me to the information you are referring to, I'd like to read it so that I can alter my text to better fit.

Mission 4:
Did you run this today? Some of what you are describing has already been fixed. As of last night, Dr. Radium #1 now does have a desc, and the Arachnos patrol problem with $himher and $heshe has been fixed (it tended to have the text trigger before they had locked on to a PC, so they had no source for the variable... annoying but easily fixed). Thanks for pointing out the one on ally #2... most people don't even notice Ally #2, so you are the first to bring up the error, I will fix it. Were there others? Do you remember on which mobs the variables were not working?

I'm not sure how/if I want to address the concern about your toon's level of scientific knowledge. My assumption is that 99.9% of all people in the CoX world, powered or not, will not know how to hack a secured mainframe, and will have their eyes glaze over just a bit when a mad scientists starts spouting technobabble at them. Perhaps your toon is the 0.1%. I'll think about this one.

I'll give your #161629 a try, review to come (hopefully) soon.

Hi there.

I reviewed your arc in my thread. Check it out when you get the chance.

Please in turn review my arc #100293, "The Revenge of Dr. Radium". Thanks.

As you may have noticed from the review I posted, I am not a literary critic. My goal here is not to analyze how effectively the dialogue reflects the true motivations of a conflicted anti-hero or anything like that.
I'm more interested in giving useful (hopefully) feedback to the authors of arcs, and getting some for mine. If you want pretentious critiques of literary merit, there are other reviewers doing that. If you want to know what I think could improve your arc, post here and I'll give it a try.

With this in mind, on to the next review:
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Author: @PoliceWoman
Arc Name: Celebrity Kidnapping
Arc ID: 1388
Length: Medium
Morality: Villainous
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 30-38. Contains Ambush, Patrol, Escort, Battle.
Mission 2: Tiny size map, level range 25-39. Contains Boss, Collection
Mission 3: Small size map, level range 5-40. Contains Ambush, Boss, Release Captive, Escort.
Enemy Groups: Family, Custom Group, Paragon Police
Description: Boy, does Willy Wheeler have a deal for you! A celebrity heiress has been sentenced to jail for drunk driving. The plan is to break her out of the Zig with the help of some thugs, then hold her for ransom for immense profit! What could go wrong?
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First off, a big thanks for mentioning in the intro text that you need to go through the sewer grate at the end of the map. For those who aren't familiar with this map, not knowing where you need to click on a map this size is just plain annoying. Yes, the green dot is there, but it doesn't specifically point to the sewer grate. You got around that by pointing out in the text where you need to go, and I'm sure some people will appreciate that.
I like that the guards and inmates talk, it adds color. However, they ALL seem to talk, and they don't have much to say; there's a lot of repetition. Something that I found helps is to divide up your patrols and such into separate patrol instances, and give a few of them specific things to say that aren't duplicated by the other ones. Keep the majority silent, or the screen can get filled with word bubbles, which can be annoying unless it is supposed to be a Jerry-Springer-style thing with everyone trying to shout down everyone else....
I liked how Paris Holiday got the bimbo version of the usual convict uniform. I loved her end-of-mission text, "So does this make me a Destined One? That's hot!", and I lol'd later on when she asked me to PL her. It just seemed so appropriate....
The paparazzi were an interesting touch, but I wasn't sure why they have mez powers. I'm not sure what to add here, but I can't help feeling that adding something to explain why you are being attacked by super-powered paparazzi would be a good thing.
Amanda Vines and Lois Watson show up as a reporters on the scene, and you have them set up as captives. However, they are in the standard captive "on your knees, hands on your head" pose. Given the rest of your arc, I suspect what happened to me happened to you: they took out a pose without telling anyone, and your mob defaulted to the generic pose. Perhaps you might find one that is more appropriate?
One problem I've noticed with mob text is that the variables don't work if the mob hasn't targeted you yet. So, you end up with things like "[NPC] Police Officer: It's $name! Stop $himher!" You might want to tweak your text a bit to avoid that problem.
You've got the reality TV people paying Paris' ransom... I can't help thinking that they wouldn't settle for a dead drop; they'd want to film the whole thing! "Next on FAUX: Paris Holiday, Celebrity Captive!" Might be a fun angle to pursue.
Overall a very solid arc, with some good humor in it. Mobs not too hard, ally not too overwhelming. 4 Stars.

I'll start this off by reviewing an arc at random from my "I was asked to try this arc" queue.

Arc: Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons, by @Alari Azure
Arc ID: 100045
Length: Short
First Published: 04/20/2009 10:33 PM
Morality: Heroic
Mission 1: Large size map, level range 1-54, Contains Ambush, Boss, Collection, A Destructible Object, Patrol
Enemy Groups: Custom Group
Description: Slash DeMento and his gang, the Demon Spawn, have stolen some Weapons and a Bomb from the Paragon City Armory. You need to defeat him, destroy the bomb, and confiscate those stolen Weapons.
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The Review:
One of the first things I noticed is that some of the custom mobs don't have custom descs, while others do. If you have any memory cap left, please consider adding descs to those poor unfortunate souls who are lacking one.
The clues are a nice touch, but too many of them use the first person. I often find it jarring to be told what I think or do in the text of a mission, even more so when the text is from my point of view.
I know the baddies are going for a uniform look, but it's a bit too uniform. Subtle differences in hair color and face seem to be all that distinguishes them from each other. Perhaps some added accessory could be used that would be a different color/shape for the different types of foes? (A belt, perhaps?)
Overall very well written. No typos leapt out at me, and only a few lines of text did not flow well.
You have introduced a new gang faction in this mission, and one that has some members possessing super powers. What gives them those powers? (Demonic pact, I assume, given the gang name? We aren't told.) What makes them special compared to the other packs of middling-powerful thugs that roam the streets of Paragon City? More background would be nice. If they are demon-powered, might there be a demonic patron who is upset that its minions have been defeated? A non-required demon boss that appears once Slash is down might be interesting....
Overall, a good effort that needs to be fleshed out more. Well written, but not gripping. 4 stars.

Hi folks. I'm a bit late getting in on this, but I just recently (after much reluctance) signed on to the boards.

I'm joining the ranks of those who will review other people's arcs, if they try and review mine.

My arc:
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Arc Name: The Revenge of Dr. Radium
Arc ID: 100293
Faction: Heroic
Your global/forum name: @Cheriour
Difficulty Level: I find it quite easy on Heroic, especially if you grab the ally at the end. I've had very mixed feedback on the difficulty, with two separate groups saying they couldn't get past the Crey Scorpinoid Deathstalker (Boss 40-54) (a stock boss) at the end of the first mission. Nobody else has reported having that problem. Give it a try, make up your own mind. Not recommended on Invinc, as the AV at the end becomes very difficult to damage... for me at least.
Recommended Team Size: Any
Typical duration: Variable. Much of it can be stealthed. I can complete in 10-15 minutes, but you could take much longer if you wanted to.
Arc Synopsis: Dr. Aeon's last trip to the future showed a terrible fate in store for the world. He knows how to prevent it, and needs your help! While he perfects the plans for a machine to prevent catastrophe, he wants you to acquire the parts he needs.

4 missions, no kill all.
Mission 1: Collection (1 required item), Defeat Boss
Mission 2: Collection (1 required item). EB/AV not required (in fact, the contact tells you to avoid him).
Mission 3: Defeat (pretty darned easy) Boss.
Mission 4: Defeat AV/EB (4 times -- fairly easy on heroic with the ally), Destroy Item (1). Ally.

Mission 1 is Crey, and high level. This usually means nothing but Tanks. Due to lots of feedback about how dull nothing but tanks is, I added custom Crey researchers into advanced tech. Each has a different focus/power set. Please let me know what you think of them.

Almost all of the feedback I get on this arc is extremely positive, yet it languishes among the masses of 4 star arcs. Please, if you run this arc, leave feedback!
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If you want me to review your arc here, please post here what you thought of my arc (and especially what I could do to improve it), and then some details about your arc (name, arc#, theme/info/warnings, etc), and I'll give it a try.

Thanks.

Hey, RG... we already ran each others' arcs, but since I just made some modifications to mine based on some feedback I'd received, and just recently got on the boards, I thought I'd invite you to try it again, and see what you think of the changes.

It's "The Revenge of Dr. Radium", #100293.

Arc Name: The Revenge of Dr. Radium
Arc ID: 100293
Faction: Heroic
Your global/forum name: @Cheriour
Difficulty Level: I find it quite easy on Heroic, especially if you grab the ally at the end. I've had very mixed feedback on the difficulty, with two separate groups saying they couldn't get past the Crey Scorpinoid Deathstalker (Boss 40-54) (a stock boss) at the end of the first mission. Nobody else has reported having that problem. Give it a try, make up your own mind. Not recommended on Invinc, as the AV at the end becomes very difficult to damage... for me at least.
Recommended Team Size: Any
Typical duration: Variable. Much of it can be stealthed. I can complete in 10-15 minutes, but you could take much longer if you wanted to.
Arc Synopsis: Dr. Aeon's last trip to the future showed a terrible fate in store for the world. He knows how to prevent it, and needs your help! While he perfects the plans for a machine to prevent catastrophe, he wants you to acquire the parts he needs.

4 missions, no kill all.
Mission 1: Collection (1 required item), Defeat Boss
Mission 2: Collection (1 required item). EB/AV not required (in fact, the contact tells you to avoid him).
Mission 3: Defeat (pretty darned easy) Boss.
Mission 4: Defeat AV/EB (4 times -- fairly easy on heroic with the ally), Destroy Item (1). Ally.

Mission 1 is Crey, and high level. This usually means nothing but Tanks. Due to lots of feedback about how dull nothing but tanks is, I added custom Crey researchers into advanced tech. Each has a different focus/power set. Please let me know what you think of them.

Give it a try, you might like it. Please please please leave feedback if you try it. It's really a bummer getting rated below 5 stars if you don't tell me what you didn't like. Believe it or not, I do modify the arc based on feedback....