I lost track. Which arc is up for review?
Check out one of my most recent arcs:
457506 - A Very Special Episode - An abandoned TV, a missing kid's TV show host and more
416951 - The Ms. Manners Task Force - More wacky villains, Wannabes. things in poor taste
or one of my other arcs including two 2010 Player's Choice Winners and an2009 Official AE Awards Nominee for Best Original Story
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I did Dark Dreams yesterday and it was pretty nice, I liked the custom mobs. It was a little hard though when I tried it with my 32 Dominator, 1 enemy killed me.
I also remember seeing some typos. You should add more clues or explantions too, it was hard to understand why some of the characters were there. Explanations are better in clues too.
Overall, I liked it, had fun.
Here's mine: (STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN A REVIEW FROM THIS POST!)
It's ready!
Birth of a Fossil
Arc ID: 18632
Length: Very Long
Morality: Heroic
Plot: A long time ago... Dragons ruled the world. No one knows what happened to them. Now, a fossil of one of the greatest has been found. Who shall claim it's power? Be the hero that caused the birth of the villain Fossil Dragon!
Author: @PartyClown
I've just completed my very first arc and I'd like some comments on story, difficulty and writing, especially syntax as I tend to use some french ones. I'd also need some technical testing if possible.
Thanks in advance! Hope you like it and have fun! 
P.S. Terribly sorry about the circle maps but it was fitting story-wise!
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Hoy Clown- take a quick look at the first post on this page. Might be surprised 
EDIT- Did I kill the thread or something? Also, I wouldn't mind more reviews of my arcs... I think I've gotten all of one for each >.<
And I'm morbidly curious... thus far every person who's tried my second arc, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising", has had a different problem with it. Not mistakes, per se, just balancing stuff, or 'yeah, this didn't really work for me'. And none of them are ever the same! It's starting to make me a bit neurotic >.<
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I really enjoyed the arc except for the Malta on the Cargo Ship map. That one just seemed "off" for me and was very deadly.
Perhaps add in a few of your custom robots for flavor. Perhaps an ally as well.
The first mission was a blast. The Ally was perfect. He helped but didn't plow thru the mission killing everything. He really liked to use his secondary and buffed alot. Playing a THugs/Pain MM is was empowering to say the least. 
QR - I just wanted to say sorry for any delay, but there are various arcs omn my list, and I WILL play and crit them, RLs been a bit of a sod lately.
This thread rocks.
Eco.
MArcs:
The Echo, Arc ID 1688 (5mish, easy, drama)
The Audition, Arc ID 221240 (6 mish, complex mech, comedy)
Storming Citadel, Arc ID 379488 (lowbie, 1mish, 10-min timed)
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow
[The Incarnate System is] Jack Emmert all over again, only this time it's not "1 hero = 3 white minions" it's "1 hero = 3 white rocks."
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EDIT- Did I kill the thread or something? Also, I wouldn't mind more reviews of my arcs... I think I've gotten all of one for each >.<
And I'm morbidly curious... thus far every person who's tried my second arc, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising", has had a different problem with it. Not mistakes, per se, just balancing stuff, or 'yeah, this didn't really work for me'. And none of them are ever the same! It's starting to make me a bit neurotic >.<
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I really enjoyed the arc except for the Malta on the Cargo Ship map. That one just seemed "off" for me and was very deadly.
Perhaps add in a few of your custom robots for flavor. Perhaps an ally as well.
The first mission was a blast. The Ally was perfect. He helped but didn't plow thru the mission killing everything. He really liked to use his secondary and buffed alot. Playing a THugs/Pain MM is was empowering to say the least.
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... aaand add yet another 'I liked it, but...' to the pile. Seriously, I've gotten a different opinion from every single person who played this. I'm starting to wonder what's going on >.<
Seriously thinking about rewriting it, at least somewhat (although I am a bit perplexed that the Malta map gave you so much difficulty- they were mostly busy killing each other, they wouldn't bother much with you if you went around).
Ah, well. If anyone wants to add a second review for Small Fears, go ahead- I've revised it fairly extensively since that first one.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
Finally got around to playing Adventures of the Space Marines 1 <@_@>
Overall - I think it's quite solid; but I'm going to give a laundry list of things that I think should be looked at - largely because I think it has great potential, and isn't living up to it because of some simple oversights <@.@>b Obviously, just my PoV.
I want to add that if this seems harsh, it's partly because I really enjoyed the arc, and I think it could be REALLY good, but it needs tuning >.< so please understand, if I sound unusually harsh, it's because I know you can do better in places, and it would push this into a 5 star category very easy I think.
Okay, bad stuff first -
1 - Simzams, and specifically Sgt. Crackers - Crackers description merely mentions that he's the resistance's leader.
First - As a Sergeant, he's a bit low rank (not even an officer) to be leading an entire resistance movement. It's theoretically possible, but I'd recommend either A) Bumping him up in rank or B) (better solution) in his description, mentioning that he's the resistance's liason with the Space Marines. He'd still be critically important, but being a liaison, he's not the head of the movement.
Further - until mission 4, we don't see any other Simzams, and them only for a brief period. So I'd really recommend spending some time in Sgt. Crackers description explaining exactly what a Simzam is. Some things we can guess at - they appear to be gorillas for example; but just the same, it should be spelled out; maybe with a little mention of some culture/technology level etc... which may also explain Crackers' preference for a bow.
2 - Batallia - For a Captain, she's extremely informal. This isn't bad necessarily, but as an officer it's unusual. You might consider mentioning this somewhere in her bio or changing her rank to a non-commissioned officer, like Warrant Officer or Staff Sergeant.
3 - Space Marines in-general - I think their costumes could really use a heavy rework. The idea that's there is good; but at the very least, the "Steampunk" armor is something I'd shy away from. It's very exposed and looks... well primitive.
Now if that's actually what you're going for - and the Space Marines use antiquated gear - that's OK; but you need to mention that in their description somewhere so it can be understood. It also clashes with the very high tech Redding Rail Rifle.
The helmets are surprisingly good given you used half-helmets; but I recommend very highly putting some kind of mask underneath the helmet to hide the skin OR opening up at least their mouth. Right now they don't quite look like heavily armored troopers, nor do they look very human either. So you're straddling a line that doesn't straddle well.
Basically - I recommend a serious look at their costume and research on other sci-fi armies, because their costume is sadly the weakest part of this arc if you ask me.
You might also add to their description a bit, though that's not strictly necessary.
4 - The Styrjax - First - I like them. A lot. Visually they're very cool. The only things I would change is to give a bit more explanation of what a Styrjax is in their description. The Queen has a really nice description that explains her role in the hive - but what exactly is this species about other than being a hive-mind insect?
5 - Shock Troopers - The only complaint I have is that their description makes no mention of why they summon robots. I realize that's the just something you have to put up with to have the pulse rifle - but because it's going to be there like it or not, you should make it a part of who they are. Maybe "Each Shock Trooper carries a portable battle drone kit, allowing the Akilians to effectively double they're numbers in combat."
From a military perspective it makes sense, and the Akilians certainly seem high tech enough to be doing something like that.
6 - The Empress and her Guards - I'm not understanding their place in this story at all honestly. She has 100 worlds to rule and a war on several fronts to fight... why is she personally overseeing the conquest of one? Her design, and her guards design, are both pretty nice imo; but the way she just kind of "pops up" is pretty immersion breaking. I highly recommend replacing her with a representative of some kind and using her in a later arc.
7 - Phobos itself - Phobos is actually one of Mars' moons, as is Deimos. Trying to use the same name for a planet out in the galaxy... strains disbelief. It's not to say it's not possible for the same name to exist somewhere 'out there' - hardly. But being as your players are actually humans from Earth, and many have played Doom >.< it causes problems.
There are two routes you can take here - one is to just replace "Planet" with "Moon" and "moon of Mars" where appropriate. Because well, that's what Phobos is, and there's no reason in the far future Mars couldn't theoretically have aliens living on it.
The other is to change the name to something different altogether. This also works quite well, because there are so many planets out there, and with terraforming a possibility in most sci-fi settings, it could be anything.
Something has to give there though, because its a big "huh?" factor.
8 - Chaining Objectives - This isn't working very well in most of the missions. It works *great* in the first one - where you get the briefing from the computer - that's right on the money.
It does not work at all well in the rest of the arc however. Especially the mission to recapture the Simzam base. I ended up going to the very end of the mission, blowing the cocoon... only to find out that i had to backtrack and rescue 4 prisoners, then go back to the end and kill the queen.
Rescuing the prisoners on the way in would make *far* more sense - especially if they were Allies and fought with you instead.
The cocoon is actually a very cool objective, I recommend keeping it, but not chaining stuff off of it except *maybe* the Queen spawn.
9 - Briefings - Captain Batallias briefings are... terrifically unhelpful to be honest. She seems less like a competent military officer and more like an actor paid to spout war movie one-liners. That's not to say war movie one liners are BAD for this kind of thing - they're actually pretty cool when used right.
But she needs to give you more substance and information in the briefings. That doesn't mean she can't keep her attitude; but if she's your CO, she's going to need to be at least marginally competent.
10 - Mission Titles - They need less "GO GO GO" kind of stuff in them. Save that for briefings and in-game dialogue. The actual nav-bar stuff needs to look quite neat and tidy; otherwise it becomes distracting and even a bit "eh".
11 - Overall - The biggest ?! is how you go from barely saving the Simzam base to attacking the enemy's primary base literally in a single go.
It's like "You're on the ropes, and the next second you're knocking the other guy out."
This is a tough one to solve, I won't deny it. Only having 5 missions to work with means that fitting everything you want in is *tough*. However there is a solution - though you might not like it:
I recommend cutting off the last mission of this arc, and instead finishing Adventures of the Space Marines 1 with securing the Simzam compound. Maybe add a new 5th mission that involves further consolidation of your holdings/an early raid using the Simzam troopers against the Akilians or something. The last mission is just too sudden and tacked on as it is.
Then, take that 5th mission, and write another arc dealing with the liberation of the planet from the place you left off in the first arc. Ie: You'd go from the Simzam base to hitting various objectives across the planet until you opened the way to the enemy base. Then you'd be able to fight the Empress' representative (I still don't think having the Empress herself present for this is a good idea.)
I won't deny - that's a TON of work; but I think it's the best way to tell the story you're trying to tell.
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Now the good:
First off - you did a good job picking mission locations. Every map felt dead on. It was really easy to 'get into things' because of that. I particularly thought the freakshow'd warehouse was a good choice for the spaceport, since it's in a warzone and probably took some shelling/spent time as a refugee hideout.
Second - Although I think the details need worked out, the basic ideas you have present are really strong. If they weren't, I wouldn't write a post with this much detail! >.< It's a classic storyline, and it's a classic for a reason - it's good stuff.
Third - The inclusion of aliens was particularly a good idea. It kind of murdered your custom character budget, but because most missions play fast, having only one type of minion to fight isn't so bad. They livened it up.
Fourth - You've got a really strong grasp of triggers, in most missions, you kept things feeling quite alive with all the patrols and objectives. You do need to knock it off on some of those chaining objectives, but generally, you did good work here.
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So in total - It's a good arc, but it really deserves some attention and polish, because it could be a great arc. Overall I think it's a great idea <^_^> shine it to a mirror finish, it really deserves it.
A Warrior's Friend: ID 335212 - Help Infernal save Valkyrie from Battle Maiden.
Above Mars Part 1: The Wellington: ID 159769 - Save Mars by destroying a monstrous battleship from the inside!
>.> My DA page, where I attempt to art.
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I lost track. Which arc is up for review?
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I still haven't had a post on "Kidnapping Kelly the Kow"
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EDIT- Did I kill the thread or something? Also, I wouldn't mind more reviews of my arcs... I think I've gotten all of one for each >.<
And I'm morbidly curious... thus far every person who's tried my second arc, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising", has had a different problem with it. Not mistakes, per se, just balancing stuff, or 'yeah, this didn't really work for me'. And none of them are ever the same! It's starting to make me a bit neurotic >.<
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I really enjoyed the arc except for the Malta on the Cargo Ship map. That one just seemed "off" for me and was very deadly.
Perhaps add in a few of your custom robots for flavor. Perhaps an ally as well.
The first mission was a blast. The Ally was perfect. He helped but didn't plow thru the mission killing everything. He really liked to use his secondary and buffed alot. Playing a THugs/Pain MM is was empowering to say the least.
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... aaand add yet another 'I liked it, but...' to the pile. Seriously, I've gotten a different opinion from every single person who played this. I'm starting to wonder what's going on >.<
Seriously thinking about rewriting it, at least somewhat (although I am a bit perplexed that the Malta map gave you so much difficulty- they were mostly busy killing each other, they wouldn't bother much with you if you went around).
Ah, well. If anyone wants to add a second review for Small Fears, go ahead- I've revised it fairly extensively since that first one.
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Lol, sorry m'man.
My complaints with that mission is mostly it felt flat or out of place when compared to the others in the arc. I felt it needed some of your custom critters in it. Not many, but a few would liven the place up a bit.
As for that mish being deadly, I'll chalk that one up to my toon and playstyle. Thugs/Pain MM that stealths with the same ability as a bulldozer rampaging thru a bell factory.
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Lol, sorry m'man.
My complaints with that mission is mostly it felt flat or out of place when compared to the others in the arc. I felt it needed some of your custom critters in it. Not many, but a few would liven the place up a bit.
As for that mish being deadly, I'll chalk that one up to my toon and playstyle. Thugs/Pain MM that stealths with the same ability as a bulldozer rampaging thru a bell factory.
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Heh... fair enough. There actually are a handful of customs in there- you had to kill a group to finish the mission, and if you look around, there's another batch holding one of the Malta hostage to 'observe' him as everybody else in the area dies.
As to 'out of place'... well, the Titans are known to be powerful robots; it's not unlikely that the Perfect Machine would try to suborn them. Only problem is, by giving them 'free will' and removing the control their battle computer has over them... well, if you've played the appropriate mission from Crimson, you know that's not gonna end well.
Also, I've edited that arc somewhat- the new number is in my sig, and I think I've managed to streamline it some... also, I'll start posting more reviews tomorrow night- I haven't had time to play much lately.
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"
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I lost track. Which arc is up for review?
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I still haven't had a post on "Kidnapping Kelly the Kow"
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"Kidnapping Kelly the Kow"
First off, shout out to Blappy
I Really enjoyed this arc. Three missions so not too epic, nice well written characters and customs. Things I especially liked:
- That you needed to destroy the video machine so you could make a clean get away.
- Knock on head...lol
- The non-required glowies.
- The text when you crak the safe (though wish the devs would make it a little larger)
One other comment. The Purple text in the intro to the third mish was hard to read.
Overall a very nice little story arc.
Mine:
Arc Name: Trademark Infringement
Arc ID: 12544
Creator Global Name: @Wrong Number
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: We all know villains are not a very creative lot. Take over the world, pull the moon out of orbit....yada, yada, yada. It's no surprise that they keep the trademark lawyers very busy or that one of the lawyers has finally cracked. He needs to be stopped before this city is sued out existence!
Mission Count: 1
Estimated Time to Play: 15 minutes
Or my Blappy one listed below.
WN
Check out one of my most recent arcs:
457506 - A Very Special Episode - An abandoned TV, a missing kid's TV show host and more
416951 - The Ms. Manners Task Force - More wacky villains, Wannabes. things in poor taste
or one of my other arcs including two 2010 Player's Choice Winners and an2009 Official AE Awards Nominee for Best Original Story
Hey, thanks for the feedback mistformssquirrel!
I agree the enemy descriptions could use a little more detail, but I'm currently at 99.9% of my save space on that arc, so aside from small tweaks there's not much I can do.
Phobos. I had wondered where I got that word from. I was thinking maybe unreal tournament. Heh. I'll come up with a new name for live.
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She seems less like a competent military officer and more like an actor paid to spout war movie one-liners.
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...
>.>
<.<
Yes.
Anyway, I suppose I could try to fit in an explanation for the Empress's (btw, I looked it up, Emperess is a perfectly acceptable, albiet antiquated spelling of the word! ... oh fine, I'll fix it. ) presence; something relating to her hobby of experimenting on alien species.
As for the Space Marines costumes, I actually like them as is. Only thing I might change is the fist icon on the chest.
And your comments on the fourth mission. I like it as is, but you're not the first one to complain about having to do a little backtracking, so I guess I can adjust it a little. Stinkin' majority opinion... 
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I lost track. Which arc is up for review?
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I still haven't had a post on "Kidnapping Kelly the Kow"
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"Kidnapping Kelly the Kow"
First off, shout out to Blappy
I Really enjoyed this arc. Three missions so not too epic, nice well written characters and customs. Things I especially liked:
- That you needed to destroy the video machine so you could make a clean get away.
- Knock on head...lol
- The non-required glowies.
- The text when you crak the safe (though wish the devs would make it a little larger)
One other comment. The Purple text in the intro to the third mish was hard to read.
Overall a very nice little story arc.
Mine:
Arc Name: Trademark Infringement
Arc ID: 12544
Creator Global Name: @Wrong Number
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: We all know villains are not a very creative lot. Take over the world, pull the moon out of orbit....yada, yada, yada. It's no surprise that they keep the trademark lawyers very busy or that one of the lawyers has finally cracked. He needs to be stopped before this city is sued out existence!
Mission Count: 1
Estimated Time to Play: 15 minutes
Or my Blappy one listed below.
WN
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Thanks for the feedback!
I have a 5 mission sequel in the works that continues the story based on the note you get at the very end.
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I agree the enemy descriptions could use a little more detail, but I'm currently at 99.9% of my save space on that arc, so aside from small tweaks there's not much I can do.
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Sounds like you're in the same boat I'm in with "The Portal Bandits". Though in my case I intended for the Nagans to remain mysterious and only the Earth-based characters get long descriptions since they would have known histories.
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I like it as is, but you're not the first one to complain about having to do a little backtracking, so I guess I can adjust it a little.
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It just makes it so nonsensical that you go to the end of the map, clearing along the way most likely, only to have to go back 2-3 floors to find hostages who were not there last time he passed through and then when you release them they run away like pansies. Then you have to go all the way back to the end to fight the Queen Stryjax, who was not there last time either.
That's the biggest flaw I found. If that mission played more linearly there would be no more complaint.
I played Small Fears again.
Seemed to play much cleaner. My only "huh?" moment was the first mission with the hostages spawning off a trigger to each other. I had cleared and passed the room then had to backtrack and find the last hostage.
The last mission is fun. The ambush when fighting Phobia was brutal but that is what was fun about it.
Phobia is about as perfect as she can be. Great look and perfect powerset match. Just the right difficulty and she moves the "just right" amount. Doesn't stand still and trade punches and doesn't run all over hell's half-acre.
The maps were spot on. The dialogue was good.
I'd recommend this one to friends.
5 stars from me.
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Arc Name: Trademark Infringement
Arc ID: 12544
Creator Global Name: @Wrong Number
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: We all know villains are not a very creative lot. Take over the world, pull the moon out of orbit....yada, yada, yada. It's no surprise that they keep the trademark lawyers very busy or that one of the lawyers has finally cracked. He needs to be stopped before this city is sued out existence!
Mission Count: 1
Estimated Time to Play: 15 minutes
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I just ran this arc. It was quick, corny, and fun. I enjoyed it!
I think it was the enemy descriptions and costumes that made this arc. Kudos on them. As for the enemy powers, they were varied and interesting. Kudos again.
In fact, the only real suggestion I have is maybe add a patrol or two with dialogue to add some life on the way to the boss. But that's purely a cosmetic thing.
Overall it seems you accomplished what you set out to do with this arc and it was an enjoyable romp.
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Edit: I've decided to unpublish "Adventures of the Space Marines 3" for the moment as I want to get a non-Space Marine adventure ready for live. Of course, the first 2 A.S.M.s are still up and I'm looking for feedback on them.
I just didn't want to waste anyone's time on an arc I don't expect to publish on day one of i14.
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Mine:
Arc Name: Trademark Infringement
Arc ID: 12544
Creator Global Name: @Wrong Number
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: We all know villains are not a very creative lot. Take over the world, pull the moon out of orbit....yada, yada, yada. It's no surprise that they keep the trademark lawyers very busy or that one of the lawyers has finally cracked. He needs to be stopped before this city is sued out existence!
Mission Count: 1
Estimated Time to Play: 15 minutes
Or my Blappy one listed below.
WN
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I liked that arc, it actually made me laugh when I saw Magnet North, or whoever that is. I gave it four stars for overall funniness, but it would have gotten five it wasn't for the dozens of stacked holds that happened to me. Like I said to you in my comment, not threatening, just annoying.
My arc (newly done!):
Arc Name: Poaching the Lion
Arc ID: 20623
Length: Long (four missions)
Basic Sypnosis: A gang of weapon sellers, drug dealers and assassins has grown to big for the government not to notice. They've tracked down a senior member, Adam Fong, and they have asked you to help.
Morality: Heroic (although Villains wouldn't feel to out of place)
A big thing for this arc that I'm worried about is having to few custom critters in my group. I only have 6 (3 minions, 2 lt.s, 1 boss) so any feedback would be appreciated.
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Mine:
Arc Name: Trademark Infringement
Arc ID: 12544
Creator Global Name: @Wrong Number
Difficulty Level: Easy-Medium
Synopsis: We all know villains are not a very creative lot. Take over the world, pull the moon out of orbit....yada, yada, yada. It's no surprise that they keep the trademark lawyers very busy or that one of the lawyers has finally cracked. He needs to be stopped before this city is sued out existence!
Mission Count: 1
Estimated Time to Play: 15 minutes
Or my Blappy one listed below.
WN
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I liked that arc, it actually made me laugh when I saw Magnet North, or whoever that is. I gave it four stars for overall funniness, but it would have gotten five it wasn't for the dozens of stacked holds that happened to me. Like I said to you in my comment, not threatening, just annoying.
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That is the most common critique I get "there may be too many holds". So, being sick of bouncing between 4.4 and 4.6 (therby jumping 4-5 stars all the time) I have given in. The Funny Man has no holds now.
If you get a chance try it again (Maybe I can squeeze that last star out of you...lol). Thanks for running it
WN
Check out one of my most recent arcs:
457506 - A Very Special Episode - An abandoned TV, a missing kid's TV show host and more
416951 - The Ms. Manners Task Force - More wacky villains, Wannabes. things in poor taste
or one of my other arcs including two 2010 Player's Choice Winners and an2009 Official AE Awards Nominee for Best Original Story
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My arc (newly done!):
Arc Name: Poaching the Lion
Arc ID: 20623
Length: Long (four missions)
Basic Sypnosis: A gang of weapon sellers, drug dealers and assassins has grown to big for the government not to notice. They've tracked down a senior member, Adam Fong, and they have asked you to help.
Morality: Heroic (although Villains wouldn't feel to out of place)
A big thing for this arc that I'm worried about is having to few custom critters in my group. I only have 6 (3 minions, 2 lt.s, 1 boss) so any feedback would be appreciated.
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Played this arc, and its fairly good. A few minor mistakes and an unessesary defeat all marred it slightly for me.
Mission 1.
Contact mentions "durgs." You probably mean drugs
"We've got an undercover drug bust going on." Possibly "Thanks to some clues from undercover agents we have enough information for a drugs bust." An undercover drugs bust would be going in undercover and busting them for drugs, which isnt what we do in the mission.
Mission 2
Some mention of the drugs contacts not reporting in would be good. Add Rescue or Defeat to the mission goals would also be nice.
The undercover agents arent even wearing the same costumes as the troops they are attempting to impersonate - no wonder they get captured!
Fong...
" His mind is far, far advanced than most humans. "
more advanced probably.
"You scuffed my suit. That costed money, you know..."
That *cost* money (unless you are going for some strange accent on the character)
An Elite boss runner that close to a lift? Initially thought this a bit harsh - but seeing the next mission goal not so sure, maybe a good plot device. On balance by the end of the arc I decided to like this.
Mission 3
Its a defeat all mission - with no good reason. Maybe a bug but there were no Lions in this mission and the clue says ...
"One of the Lions you beat down"
Maybe add a required goal Defeat Freak dealer, Defeat Lions dealer and ditch the defeat all?
Mission 4
Goal "Adam Fong", put the word "Defeat" in front
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big thing for this arc that I'm worried about is having to few custom critters in my group.
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Certainly not the big problem in the arc, and the faction was definately not obviously lacking because of it. Some in game factions have about this level variation or less so don't worry there. Also "Assassin" has two sets of two s'es.
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My (low level) arc below.
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Arc Name: A Deal with Destiny
Arc ID: 16053
Factions: Hellion, Arachnos
Suggested Alignment: Heroic
Creator Global/Forum Name: @Cutlass Lass / Parkin
Difficulty Level: Easy to Medium
Synopsis: "The Hellions are playing with forces they dont understand. But you dont have to understand a bomb to cause a lot of damage."
Estimated Time to Play: 30 - 60 mins
Someone on the suggestion and ideas forums wanted an arc that allowed your character to feel like they put an end to the Hellions in Paragon, rather than just leaving them for someone else to clean up while you go find some other enemies. This is that arc, hopefully by the end you feel like the hellions may have some people on the street but they arent going to be a problem again.
Here is a disscussion thread on this arc.
I'd like to know what people think of the story, what you think about the number of clues I used (a lot, but not all required), the other heroes in the story, and my use of color in the clues. And obviously anything else you would improve.
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Review of "A Deal With Destiny"
You put a lot of effort into it, but alot of my enjoyment - at least of the first few missions - was hampered by many little things like lack of punctuation and typos. All the Circle of Thorns characters seems very out of character, too. However, the overall concept of the arc was really cool (I love stories written for lower level heroes) and the fourth and fifth missions were really great. I laughed at out loud at "Force Multiplier" and PPD Sergeant Johnson, and you did a very good job of making the huge Kings Row map feel full and busy.
In the fifth mission I thought the backwards-speaking Hellions were nothing short of brilliant, and the Prince of the Damned - as well as a the fake ending with the Shaper of Destiny - pleasantly surprised me. I gave it three stars, but I writing this I think it deserved four.
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My Arc!
Operation: Black Heart, Acts I and II
Arc IDs: Part 1: 17874, Part 2: 20957
A favor for a friend puts Maxwell Christopher onto an evil plot that could shake the city to its core. Can you crack the conspiracy linking the city's villains to it? What is the "Black Heart"? And how far will they go to protect that secret? Can you help the FBSA agent find out the truth?
Looking for feedback! This arc was written before we knew the specifics of the Architect, and alot of it is a bit awkward due to text limits and mission limits. I'm happy with how it came out, though, and you get to fight Crey Tanks powered by the Half-Life 2 portal!
Has been killed by the DoT on Throwing Knives and proud of it.
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Played this arc, and its fairly good. A few minor mistakes and an unessesary defeat all marred it slightly for me.
Mission 1.
Contact mentions "durgs." You probably mean drugs
"We've got an undercover drug bust going on." Possibly "Thanks to some clues from undercover agents we have enough information for a drugs bust." An undercover drugs bust would be going in undercover and busting them for drugs, which isnt what we do in the mission.
Mission 2
Some mention of the drugs contacts not reporting in would be good. Add Rescue or Defeat to the mission goals would also be nice.
The undercover agents arent even wearing the same costumes as the troops they are attempting to impersonate - no wonder they get captured!
Fong...
" His mind is far, far advanced than most humans. "
more advanced probably.
"You scuffed my suit. That costed money, you know..."
That *cost* money (unless you are going for some strange accent on the character)
An Elite boss runner that close to a lift? Initially thought this a bit harsh - but seeing the next mission goal not so sure, maybe a good plot device. On balance by the end of the arc I decided to like this.
Mission 3
Its a defeat all mission - with no good reason. Maybe a bug but there were no Lions in this mission and the clue says ...
"One of the Lions you beat down"
Maybe add a required goal Defeat Freak dealer, Defeat Lions dealer and ditch the defeat all?
Mission 4
Goal "Adam Fong", put the word "Defeat" in front
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big thing for this arc that I'm worried about is having to few custom critters in my group.
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Certainly not the big problem in the arc, and the faction was definately not obviously lacking because of it. Some in game factions have about this level variation or less so don't worry there. Also "Assassin" has two sets of two s'es.
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First of all, I want to thank you for playing my arc!
In the first mission, I took all of your advice and changed it. It's no longer an 'undercover' drug bust, and the spelling mistakes are corrected (I believe).
In the second mission, the agents aren't supposed to be wearing the same costumes. It was supposed to be known that they were caught a while ago, and were made to change out of the Lions uniforms because, well, if you caught an undercover agent, you wouldn't leave them in your uniform 
I did add into their bios that explanation to fix any future misgivings.
I went with your advice again and took out the defeat all, and put in a Freakshow boss instead, with a bio to match. It was supposed to work out with the Lions in the mission, and the defeat all was put in because the last guy 'coincidentally' knew where Fong was, but again, I took your advice and there is no more defeat all.
Mission four, I'm pretty sure I fixed that, I plan on running through the whole arc again to make sure. Also fixed the Assassin typo.
I'm not posting a new arc so I didn't run one (sorry), and I just wanted to thank parkin for helping me with my arc. I republished it, the arc ID is 21673 if you want to look at the changes. Thanks again, parkin.
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Review of "A Deal With Destiny"
You put a lot of effort into it, but alot of my enjoyment - at least of the first few missions - was hampered by many little things like lack of punctuation and typos. All the Circle of Thorns characters seems very out of character, too. However, the overall concept of the arc was really cool (I love stories written for lower level heroes) and the fourth and fifth missions were really great. I laughed at out loud at "Force Multiplier" and PPD Sergeant Johnson, and you did a very good job of making the huge Kings Row map feel full and busy.
In the fifth mission I thought the backwards-speaking Hellions were nothing short of brilliant, and the Prince of the Damned - as well as a the fake ending with the Shaper of Destiny - pleasantly surprised me. I gave it three stars, but I writing this I think it deserved four.
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My Arc!
Operation: Black Heart, Acts I and II
Arc IDs: Part 1: 17874, Part 2: 20957
A favor for a friend puts Maxwell Christopher onto an evil plot that could shake the city to its core. Can you crack the conspiracy linking the city's villains to it? What is the "Black Heart"? And how far will they go to protect that secret? Can you help the FBSA agent find out the truth?
Looking for feedback! This arc was written before we knew the specifics of the Architect, and alot of it is a bit awkward due to text limits and mission limits. I'm happy with how it came out, though, and you get to fight Crey Tanks powered by the Half-Life 2 portal!
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Black Heart: Act I
Mission 1: Overall I liked the concept of this mission. The freaks with impervium armor was a nice touch and the contact dialogue was well written along with the clues.
There were a few tweaks I thought could be made to the freaks themselves, perhaps a couple of different versions of the Thunder Freaks? Three (including the boss) seems a bit small... Or perhaps just have the two that are there have a couple of different versions. I was slightlly dissapointed that they didn't look very.. freakshowy (maybe throw in some cyborg/robot parts?)
The only other suggestion is to give Thunder Pulse some long range capabilities, because I was able to hover directly over him and shoot him down without taking a scratch.
Mission 2 (Search the Vanguard Warehouse): I really enjoyed the mission, the clues, it made sense! Enjoyable overall! The only thing that could spot wrong was at the end there was an "alot" uttered by the contact that should be "a lot."
Mission 3 (retrieve Nemesis Finances): Nice mission, felt like a little bit of a filler mission. I think it could easily be enhanced by a bit of dialogue from the boss or maybe some patrols.
Mission 4 (search copperpoint shipping): I liked this mission, the dialogue was good and the ambushes actually did surprise me on this map. Thumbs up.
Mission 5: Another good mission, I enjoyed the updated Crey Forces and the odd mystery of some of their abilities. I liked the extra clues that weren't integral to the mission and enjoyed the banter that came out of some of them.
Summary: I enjoyed the arc pretty well and I'll be trying the next one to see where this Nemesis tale goes. Good work and with a bit of minor tweaking I can see this being a real gem.
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Ok, here is my mission now on live servers everywhere =P I've updated the original arc I posted before, so it's more fan-tastic than ever before!
Mission Name: Don't rain on my parade!
Arc ID: 1614
Mission(s): 1
Genre: Comedy
Description: The 23rd Freedom Phalanx Parade has been sabatoged! Can you save the day?
I've added in new clues which act as a sort of side mission within the mission, new dialogue from wandering patrols, and hopefully a pinch more comedy. I hope you guys enjoy it!
Hey, check out my arc. I'm getting a feel for the creation tools and could use some feedback. I slacked off on the last two missions because it was getting late.
Mission Name: Seekers of the Grail
Arc ID: 6999
Mission(s): 5
Morality: Heroic
Description: A new group of renegades needs investigating. They call themselves the "Seekers of the Grail" and refer to their leader as the king.
Re-posting mine with Live Arc IDs.
Operation: Black Heart, Acts I and II
Arc IDs: Part 1: 1621, Part 2: 1629
A favor for a friend puts Maxwell Christopher onto an evil plot that could shake the city to its core. Can you crack the conspiracy linking the city's villains to it? What is the "Black Heart"? And how far will they go to protect that secret? Can you help the FBSA agent find out the truth?
Looking for feedback! This arc was written before we knew the specifics of the Architect, and alot of it is a bit awkward due to text limits and mission limits.
Has been killed by the DoT on Throwing Knives and proud of it.
*points up*
I reviewed your first act tonight, Psythe.
Looking for some feedback on the below:
Attack of the Tinkers Toys!
Arc ID: 5402
Faction: Custom Enemy
Creator Global Name: @Listens to Wind
Difficulty Level: Medium
Synopsis: A series of robberies has been taking place. Eye witnesses are claiming the perpetrators are toys.
Mission Count: 4
Estimated Time to Play: 30-60 Minutes
Thanks.
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I did Dark Dreams yesterday and it was pretty nice, I liked the custom mobs. It was a little hard though when I tried it with my 32 Dominator, 1 enemy killed me.
I also remember seeing some typos. You should add more clues or explantions too, it was hard to understand why some of the characters were there. Explanations are better in clues too.
Overall, I liked it, had fun.
Here's mine: (STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN A REVIEW FROM THIS POST!)
It's ready!
Birth of a Fossil
Arc ID: 18632
Length: Very Long
Morality: Heroic
Plot: A long time ago... Dragons ruled the world. No one knows what happened to them. Now, a fossil of one of the greatest has been found. Who shall claim it's power? Be the hero that caused the birth of the villain Fossil Dragon!
Author: @PartyClown
I've just completed my very first arc and I'd like some comments on story, difficulty and writing, especially syntax as I tend to use some french ones. I'd also need some technical testing if possible.
Thanks in advance! Hope you like it and have fun!
P.S. Terribly sorry about the circle maps but it was fitting story-wise!
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Hoy Clown- take a quick look at the first post on this page. Might be surprised
EDIT- Did I kill the thread or something? Also, I wouldn't mind more reviews of my arcs... I think I've gotten all of one for each >.<
And I'm morbidly curious... thus far every person who's tried my second arc, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising", has had a different problem with it. Not mistakes, per se, just balancing stuff, or 'yeah, this didn't really work for me'. And none of them are ever the same! It's starting to make me a bit neurotic >.<
"A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head." Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
MA Arcs: #12285, "Small Fears", #106553, "Trollbane", #12669, "How to Survive a Robot Uprising"