oh thank god, i was starting to think i'd killed the thread.
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
The Jenkins does not die.
Jenkins tries to quit The Family...
Jenkins: Hey, boss? I'm gonna put in my two weeks notice... This suit is hard to keep clean and the tommy guns hurt my ears.
Underboss: You don't pick sides against the Family.
J: Sir, I had no inten...
Hitman: You want I should take him out for a little accident?
J: I don't think tha will be necisa...
U: No, I want him swimming with the fishys!
*They drive him to a dock and give him a pair of cement shoos*
H: Bonvoiage!
*Jenkins is dropped off the side of the dock and sinks to the bottom*
J: *bubbles* Oh, bloody hell...
Jenkins joins the Contaminated
Jenkins: So all i have to do to join your group is drink some water?
Stricken Brawler: So...thirsty
Jenkins: Uuuhhh...is that a yes?
Blighted: What? Oh, Jenkins, yes just drink some water and you'll be instantly powerful.
Jenkins: WOO HOO! So where is the water?
Blighted: Right here (motions to the sewage farm).
Jenkins: uuummm....behind the cesspool?
Blighted: No.
Jenkins: Is the water next to the cesspool?
Blighted: No, it IS the cesspool.
Jenkins: WHAT?! You gotta be kidding me!
Blighted: Just drink the water Jenkins.
Jenkins: Hell no! I'm not drinking water that used to be in the island's toilets! Look! A turd just floated by! You guys are sick! I'm leav-(Jenkins stops in midsentence when he notices the barrel of Blighted's shotgun pressed upon his right temple)
Blighted: DRINK THE WATER!!
Jenkins: Oh bloody hell!
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins joins the Contaminated
Jenkins: So all i have to do to join your group is drink some water?
Stricken Brawler: So...thirsty
Jenkins: Uuuhhh...is that a yes?
Blighted: What? Oh, Jenkins, yes just drink some water and you'll be instantly powerful.
Jenkins: WOO HOO! So where is the water?
Blighted: Right here (motions to the sewage farm).
Jenkins: uuummm....behind the cesspool?
Blighted: No.
Jenkins: Is the water next to the cesspool?
Blighted: No, it IS the cesspool.
Jenkins: WHAT?! You gotta be kidding me!
Blighted: Just drink the water Jenkins.
Jenkins: Hell no! I'm not drinking water that used to be in the island's toilets! Look! A turd just floated by! You guys are sick! I'm leav-(Jenkins stops in midsentence when he notices the barrel of Blighted's shotgun pressed upon his right temple)
Blighted: DRINK THE WATER!!
Jenkins: Oh bloody hell!
[/ QUOTE ]
That's a funny one. "Uuuuummm, behind the cesspool?"
Why dosen't someone give the red caps a crack at it?
Jenkins and teh snowmen from hell!
Jenkins is in a small cramped dark place
J: So.....anyone want a bite of my samwich?
Blight: grrrr.....woooshhh.......brrrrr
J: right so......what do we do?
Suddenly the box burst open in a flurry of confetti and naughty stickers
Hero: OH HELLLLLLLL!
B: Graaar
The young hero dies to the level 50 winter hoard totally not lord snow man
J: so now what. Is that it? I mean all we did was beat the unholy hell out of a unlucky hero who will probably bring 4000 of his freinds to beat us senseless
The snowman begins melt into nothing
J: riiight....this group sucks. Were not even villains. Were a winter gimmick. Im out of here you slushier pile of cr....ohhh a gift!
Jenkins opens the gift and is crushed by a real actual honest to god winter lord the size of a home
J: hi.....ughhhh
WL: Graahhh....Me likes funny squishums toy.....
J: Bloody helll......
Jenkins and the Night Haunts!
Jenkins: Sir, can I put in my two weeks notice?
Night Haunt: Arrg! There will be no deserters untill we've all made 10,000 gold pieces!
Night Haunt moves thrugh Jenkins.
J: Brrr. I hate it when you do that!
NH: Ah, let us shiver their timbers!
The grupe of Night Haunts phase through a brick wall and scream at a helpless pedestrian at the top of their etherial lungs.
NH: Come on Jenkins, join us!
J: I cant phase through walls...
NH: Stop your lolygangging and help!
Jenkins tries his hardest and slams into the brick wall.
NH: Come men! Join me in a blood curdling howl! So that we may instill fear throughout the city! Ouooooo!
The Night Haunts begin howling like wolves.
NH: Come on Jenkins! Give us a good howl! Auoooo!
J: I'll try... Aaaahhhoooooaaaaoooo!
Villain: Hey, I found some here!
A large 8 man team surounds them. A large fight insues while Jenkins tries his hardest to avoid the fight, as he is completely devoid of any ghost powers...
NH: Retreat to the nether world!
J: WAIT! I can't do that!
NH: Can't never could Jenkins...
The Night Haunts phase out of reality leaving Jenkins by himself.
V: Hey! There's one left!
J: Oh, bloody hell...
Jenkins and The MU division of arachnos!
Jenkins is seens writheing across a chainlink floor vainly yelling for help. Enter left a Mu Striker Boss
MSB: Jenkins my good man what seems to be the matter?
Jenkins: I.....can .....*huuuuuuuuuuuuufffffffff*..... breath..... or....... *squirm* ....walk.....
MSB: oh well that wont do. Let me simply cut those bonds.
Much time and some burn ointment later
Jenkins: SO how exactly am I supposed to learn to fly or conjure energy or anything all bound like that?
MSB: Well your supposed to channle your magical abilitys into the suit and then after some work and effort you can breath right and then...
The Mu drones on and jenkins nods off. The next sound audible is a alarm
J: OHMYGAWD! NO REQUIM I WASNT ASLEEP AT MEIN STATION JAHWOL!
MSB: oh dont worry. Thats just the incurssion alarm. It goes away.
J: Wait you mean a alarm just went off and we sit here?
MSB: Well Im sure the 3 flunkies and ball of fluff we sent to check it out will solve it.
J: Right.......can I turn in my 2 weeks notice? Im just not cut out for....
The sound of a explosion echoes down the hall. A generator obviously just esploded into bits.
J:......
MSB: .....
J: Arnt you going to check that out?
MSB: No. Im sure it was just a slight mal....
The MSB writhes in the air for a moment then falls upon jenkins bloody and oozing magic
Stalker: Hey....isnt this the funniest ragdoll effect evar? Cmon. someone hit it with a AoE! r0f1c0p73r!
A grenade sends Jenkins hurtling through a hole in the wall. He begins to fall into the infinite vast black abyss.
J: Well bloody hell......
This is a holiday poem a member of my supergroup (New Guardians) wrote. It mentions other SG members, but it does tie in with Jenkins. 
Thanks, Auriel!
Twas the night before Christmas in the fair city of Paragon,
Not a villain was stirring for the New Guardians to beat upon,
Their super base was silent in fact it was quite bare,
But all the New Guardians were out trying to get influence from somewhere,
As the Guardians wondered how to pay for the bases ridiculous rent,
A dark old villain was planning an evil holiday event,
A letter did heroes get, words cackling with evil glee,
Stating "I am going to blow up the city, just you wait and see"
The New Guardians were pissed at this punk, who was trying to be witty,
Had the nerve, the gall to threaten their fair city,
The heroes did meet and told the Paragon Police they would lend a hand,
But the problem was how to stop this evil villains plan,
Then the answer hit them, like Americans first trying great Canadian beer,
The New Guardians figured the target and shouted out a cheer
For heroes knew where the attack would take place at,
Every year at Paragon City Hall was the great Christmas bash
On Ravager, Centennial, Dorkfish and Gaussian
On Sentino, Natures' Fury, Auriel and Crimson
And with a powerful voice Pulvy warned everyone to beware,
And with a super leap he yelled No lets go kick some direair!
On to City Hall did the heroes fly,
With Super Leap, Super Speed, public transit and a teleporting guy.
And much to their surprise what the New Guardians did see,
Some loser named Jenkins looking nervous by Paragons great christmas tree
Hey I know you guys , Jenkin did state,
As the New Guardian surrounded him he was scared about his fate
With a fearful simile Jenkins waved said Merry Christmas and wished everyone well,
As bad luck would have it from his backpack the bomb did fell,
The Guardians stepped towards him and he sighedOh Bloody Hell
.
Could you tell us your rhythm and rhyming meter? It doesn't quite fit "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," so I'm at a loss as to how to read it. It's still funny though. Here's a Jenkins limerick from me.
Jenkins was doing quite well,
Empowered by a mystical spell,
The Force Bolt went "pop,"
His toggles did drop,
And Jenkins said, "Oh, bloody hell."
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Like I said, I didn't write it. I just passed it along. 
Just to keep Jenkins going, I put him in my comic strip on this thread. I mean, if he quits all this stuff, why not my comic strip? ^_<
WinXPPro @ GF7800 @ SBLive! @ Copperhead @ Cable
Who am I? Check here.
Jenkins finaly has the upper hand.
Jenkins: Wow, I finaly reached threat level 20! WOOO HOOO!
Lost Lowby: I came to steel canion to change my costume and now I'm stuck here! Can I have a TP?
The hero walks into a mob full of purples with Jenkins one of them.
LL: AAAAHHH!!!
J: Looks like I finaly get to beat someone up this time!
The lowby sprints away but gets hit by a hold.
LL: Can someone please give me an SK?
Jenkins takes his time walking over to the held hero and prepares to hit him.
J: I've wanted to do this for a long time! Take thi... Uh oh...
Jenkins's fist breaks against the hero's chest as a lvl 23 SKs the lowby in the nick of time.
LL: Thnx, I owe you one. I've been stuck here for half an hour.
The lowby flicks Jenkins in the forehead and he flies across the street and smashes through a brick wall.
LL: Just let me take cair of this grey real quick.
J: Ugh... Oh, bloody hell!
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins: Wow, I finaly reached threat level 20! WOOO HOOO!
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins's fist breaks against the hero's chest as a lvl 23 SKs the lowby in the nick of time.
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
LL: Just let me take cair of this grey real quick.
[/ QUOTE ]
I like it. But, being the nitpick that I am, I feel the need to correct one thing:
SKs are 1 level lower than the person who SKs them. If a 23 SKd him, he would only be 22, making Jenkins a green con. Maybe exaggerate a bit more, and make it a 25 who SKs him.
Other than that, like I said, it's good. ^_^
WinXPPro @ GF7800 @ SBLive! @ Copperhead @ Cable
Who am I? Check here.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins: Wow, I finaly reached threat level 20! WOOO HOOO!
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins's fist breaks against the hero's chest as a lvl 23 SKs the lowby in the nick of time.
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
LL: Just let me take cair of this grey real quick.
[/ QUOTE ]
I like it. But, being the nitpick that I am, I feel the need to correct one thing:
SKs are 1 level lower than the person who SKs them. If a 23 SKd him, he would only be 22, making Jenkins a green con. Maybe exaggerate a bit more, and make it a 25 who SKs him.
Other than that, like I said, it's good. ^_^
[/ QUOTE ]
Thnx. I'm not very clear on the lvl system other than XP and debt, so I just threw it together real quick.
this story is about Jenkins trying to Re Join the CoT! Enjoy! 
Arch Mage Of Agony: so you say you want to join our coven? well then to prove your loyalty, you must come to our secret hideout hidden inside the M.A.G.I. vault.
Jenkins Okay...
Azuria: welcome jenkins, to our secret hideout. you see, i am really a CoT spy.
J: Okay...
AMoA: now we must peform the spirit
bonding ritual! Azuria, if you please will you do the honors?
J: The WHAT?!?
A: U mo gwei gwei sa we ga... U mo gwe gwi sa we ga...
Jenkins watches as a gigantic crystal decends from the cieling and starts to glow...
J: Oh my gawd!!
Jenkins, sensing danger, pulls out his rifle and shoots the crystal, shattering it.
AMoA YOU FOOL! YOU HAVE BROKEN THE CRYSTAL! YOU SHALL SUFFER! IN AGONY!
J: ooh.. pre-*urk!*
J: Oh..*koff*...Bloody...*Koff*...Hell..*koff*
jenkins slumps to the floor, utterly draind of all life
Jenkins gets a wake up call. You know it's going to happen eventually.
Jenkins: Well, I finally made it to the Rogue Isles. Now I command the undead! Neato! Make me a sandwich, hahahaha!
What's this poster? Issue seven is online? The hell?
(one by one his zombie minions shrink to 1/10 their original size, and lose all their powers. Longbow immediately converge on Jenkins.)
Jenkins: Oh, bloody hell....
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Jenkins quits the Ledites...
Jenkins: So, now that I have passed the initation what do I do?
Friar: Well, hold this picket sign and march around the street with us... Oh! And wear this shirt!
Jenkins takes a sign that says "Technology is evil." and pulls on a shirt that has a red slash across a cell phone.
J: Well, I feel stupid, but I'll give it a shot.
F: Ok, let's perade across the street and hand out pamphlets!
Jenkins' cell phone errupts into abnoxious ringing and buzzing and vibrating.
J: Hold on a sec, it's my friend from the electronics shop.
F: From where?
The Friar and several torch holders surround him.
J: Oh, bloody hell!
We see Jenkins in Steel Canyon, fresh from his latest resignation/asskicking. As he sits thinking of what evil organization he'll try to join next, our plucky antihero notices a group of people dressed in matching Medieval armor and carrying a variety of strange, large weapons. Unfamiliar with this particular organization of evil, he goes to investigate and see if the group is worth joining.
Jenkins: Uh...hi there guys I...GAH!! Don't hurt me! I just want to ask your leader some questions!
Dungeon Master: I am the Dungeon Master, leader of this, the Raven's Claw Band. Speak your questions peasant!
J: The Raven Claw Band? Are you guys devoted to spreading good or evil throughout the world?
DM: We are dedicated to thwarting good and seeing that evil always triumphs over good and their puppies!
J: Evil eh? I like the sound of that. Are you powerful?
DM: Powerful? POWERFUL?! HA HA HA! My good man all in this group posess magical items of incredible power and I posess and artifact of awesome power indeed!
J: Oh yes! That sounds perfect! Are you looking for new members?
DM: The Raven Claw Band is always looking for members to spread unhappiness in the world! Come, good sir, and we shall initiate you into our band!
Just then a hero walks into the group
Hero: Excuse me chaps, can you tell me what time it is?
DM: Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod! A real live hero! Can i have your autograph mister? Can I can I can I?
H: Sure lil buddy, here ya go.
DM: YAY! Thank you thank you thank you!
H: No problem, now I'm off to thwart evil!
J: What the hell was that?! You're a band dedicated to evil why didn't you kick that hero's [censored]?!
DM: What are you talking about? We don't have super powers.
J: WHAT?! You just told me you have a powerful magic atrefact!
DM: Yeah, in Dungeons and Dragons, not in real life. Jeeze man, you're pathetic.
The group of D&D players walks off, leaving Jenkins shaking his head
J: Bloody hell.
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
awww, poor Jenkins is all sad and neglected 
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
What, is the Jenkins Society out of ideas? Or are we gone to the Americans? Jerk hacked? Come on, the Jenkins badge isn't going to instigate itself! Try doing something with Hordelings, they haven't been done yet.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Oh, man. I just had a Jenkins Moment (TM)
I was going through Perez Park, working on my Kill Skuls badge, I chased a runner from the street into the park (enemies may be able to jump high, but my character can jump higher). I was in the Everette Lake area, about level 25, so I was fine. I killed the Skul, but on my way out of the lake, BAM! Death by Kraken. Oh, bloody hell....
P.S. If any of you have some bad luck in-game, post it as a Jenkins Moment. That'll make it so that this thread can be bolstered by two types of posts, and not just one. Actually, if you kill an enemy in a humiliating/comedic manner, post that too, starting with "I met Jenkins!" So there's three types of Jenkins-related material on this thead.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
actually ever since you mentioned the hordings i ahave been trying to think of one for them but cant. Curse you television!
Here's one, wherein Jenkins joins the Night Haunts.
Red Hand: Yar! First mate Jenkins, where be our target?
Jenkins: (has white sheet over body, and pirate hat on his head, not really dead) Uh, it... be right over that hill over... thar. Yar?
Red Hand: Yar! We need ta be gettin' ready fer when we keelhaul them Arachnos scalliwags!
Jenkins: You know, this isn't working. I can hardly understand what you're saying, and I'm not even dead. (takes off sheet and hat)
Red Hand: Ye be mortal?! It be time fer ye ta walk the plank! Get 'im!
(A whole buttload of ghosts charge at Jenkins)
Jenkins: Oh, bloody hell....
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
They might be prototypes of the current Jenkins models or maybe they were the supergirls that my alt Old Man McGinty was dating and still would.