Out of ideas? Try the Arachnoids, it isn't hard to figure out what they're about, even if they aren't implemented yet.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
actually, the arachnoids are in the tunnels in warburg. what did you think of my last story?
Edited for spelling
It was good. Also, I don't go to the PvP zones, so I had no clue. Guess the Arachnoids in Grandville aren't such a big deal, then. Well, at least they haven't been used yet. Also, here's some special powers and things of relevancy Jenkins has had (and still has), for reference in future stories.
Fire powers (from when he was called Psycho Flame in the first post. The powers were referenced to a few times already)
Can become a werechihuahua (from that one post in which he joined the Council. No not that post, the other post in which he joined the Council. Yeah, there's a lot of Council posts for him.)
Can reattach lost limbs by placing them against his body (he did this in that one really gritty post in which he got shot, a lot. He mentioned Dr. Vahzilok as the benefactor.)
His communicator watch plays "The Hustle" (from his adventure to Praetorian Earth)
He has flight and super strength (from his stint as a Paragon Protector)
Immune to alien probing (He met Dominatrix. Let's leave it at that.)
Will wear frilly pink panties to gain psychic powers (The carnival of shadows gave him his first pair)
This crazy Hercules Titan wants to "merge" with him (that time he pretended to be a Hercules titan)
can breathe underwater (that time the Coralax saved him from drowning by making him one of them. most of the effects have worn off, mostly due to his other mishaps)
The Hydra is his ex-girlfriend, and some of the Tsoo are his childhood buddies (those were posts unto themselves, and the first was as creepy as it was funny)
Had his memory erased at the end of his first employment with Crey (he doesn't remember it, of course)
Despite all those powers, he's still about as strong as a Rikti Monkey (because he gets beaten up almost constantly)
There you go, a bunch of things to reference in future posts. Or add a few of your own. Who knows, when we decide to retire the old boy, he may finally be able to use these powers to take over the world.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
His full name was referenced as "Jeremy Jenkins" and he's purportedly the son of notorious Paragon City criminal attorney Chris Jenkins.
The Circle of Thorns like his chanting voice.
The Sky Raiders were impressed with his abilities to pilot a jetpack and maintain a force field generator.
"You" is 120 pounds. If we consider the "You" from the earlier stories to be Jenkins, then Jenkins weighs about 120 pounds.
"You" also has a thick moustache. Again, if consider "You" to be Jenkins . . .
Jenkins has an old college room mate named Matt.
Jenkins had an apartment in a (slightly less) brown building (with a water tower on top) in Brickstown while imprisoned in the Zig.
Jenkins was a blob in Hamidon. Not sure how he un-blobbed though.
Jenkins (and his Praetorian counterpart Hopkins) wears glasses.
Odysseus: Okay Jenkins. It's been a long initiation process for you...
Jenkins: Yeah, my [censored] still hurts from all the paddling.
Odysseus: But you've finally made it. Welcome to the ranks of the warriors. All that remains is for you to chose your mystical weapon.
*on a weapon rack are a black axe, a highly stylized mace, and a broadsword that glows a sickly red*
Jenkins: Oh! Nice sword! I'll take that one.
Odysseus: Very good choice. This particular sword has an enchantment that causes it to severely wound anyone it hits.
Jenkins: Sweet! I'm going out on patrol and see what this baby can do!
Odysseus: Wait, aren't you forgetting something?
Jenkins: Uuummm...I love you?
Odysseus: No, idiot! You're supposed to name your weapon!
Jenkins: Name it? What the hell for?
Odysseus: It's a mighty weapon! It deserves a name worthy of ledgend!
Jenkins: Oh. Ok, I'll call it, uh, Mother.
Odysseus: (frustrated) You will not call it 'Mother'. Try again!
Jenkins: But I just wanted to go hurt heroes with it!
Odysseus: DO IT! But don't call it 'Mother' or 'Daddy,' give it an epic name!
Jenkins: Ok, ok, sheesh! I shall call it....Mr. Hurty!
Odysseus: (muttering) Oy, what a schmuck.
*Suddenly, a hero crashes through the ceiling*
Hero: Odysseus! I've come to put you behind bars!
Odysseus: Quick Jenkins! Defend your leader!
Jenkins: Prepare to feel the wrath of Mr. Hurty!
Hero: *snicker* ha. haha. hahahahahaha! Mr. Hurty?! Bwaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Odysseus: *sigh* Jenkins?
Jenkins: Yes?
Odysseus: Gimme the sword and get the hell out.
*Odysseus watches Jenkins leave. When he's a block away, Odysseus leans back and throws the sword. It flies at the unsuspecting Jenkins, tumbling end over end, and hits him in the left butt-cheek*
Jenkins: AAAHHHH! BLOODY HELL!
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Gunslinger: So, Jenkins, you want to rejoin Malta?
Jenkins: Yes, that's right.
Gunslinger: Uh-huh. Now, your resume looks as if it hasn't changed since you left our employment. Some minor fire abilities, the chihuahua thing, psychic panties...
Jenkins: Uuuhh...yeah.
Gunslinger: Is there anything new you can do?
Jenkins: Well, not as such. Oh! Wait, I do have this new sword! I picked it up from the Warriors.
Gunslinger: We don't have much call for swordsmen around here.
Jenkins: Oh, but it's a magic sword! Any time it strikes its target, it opens up a deep wound that can't be healed without medical help.
Gunslinger: Really? What kind of medical help?
Jenkins: Thirty stitches in the thigh and a week of not being able to sit down--er, ummm, that is, I imagine that's what would happen.
Gunslinger: Oh, well we could use a man with a weapon like that. Welcome back!
Jenkins: Thank you sir! What position will I get?
Gunslinger: Well, a man with a fabulous sword like yours should get only the best. That's why we're making you a gunslinger, so you can have access to teleportation technology so you can instantly get up close and use that sword. Your first assignment is to guard a warehouse full of supplies.
Jenkins: Woohoo!
*later that day*
Jenkins: Ok, men. Good work securing the warehouse. It should be smooth sailing from here on in.
*suddenly, a group of heroes bursts in*
Heroes: Your evil is unwanted in Paragon City, you Malta fiends!
Jenkins: To arms men! Follow me!
*teleports over to a hero and prepares to strike with his sword*
Feel the wrath of Mr. Hurty!
Heroes: (snickers) bwahahahahahahaha! Mr. Hurty?! Can you believe this idiot?! Hahahahahaha!
Sapper: Mr. Hurty? Oooh maaan
Operations Engineer: That guy's going to make us the laughing stock of the city!
Jenkins: Come on guys, don't just stand there! Attack!
Tactical Operative: (muttering) Attack, he says. Oh I'll attack all right...
*gunshot*
*one day later*
Jenkins: Oohhh. Where am I?
Nurse: You're in the hospital, being treated for a gunshot wound in the back.
Jenkins: What? No, you mean I was shot in the chest.
Nurse: No, the entry wound and police ballistics at the crime scene confirmed it. You were shot in the back
Jenkins: Bloody hell.
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Now, for another recap of all of the powers and other miscellania associated with the Jenkins mythos.
Fire powers (from when he was called Psycho Flame in the first post. The powers were referenced to a few times already)
Can become a werechihuahua (from that one post in which he joined the Council. No not that post, the other post in which he joined the Council. Yeah, there's a lot of Council posts for him.)
Can reattach lost limbs by placing them against his body (he did this in that one really gritty post in which he got shot, a lot. He mentioned Dr. Vahzilok as the benefactor.)
His communicator watch plays "The Hustle" (from his adventure to Praetorian Earth)
He has flight and super strength (from his stint as a Paragon Protector)
Immune to alien probing (He met Dominatrix. Let's leave it at that.)
Will wear frilly pink panties to gain psychic powers (The carnival of shadows gave him his first pair)
This crazy Hercules Titan wants to "merge" with him (that time he pretended to be a Hercules titan)
Can breathe underwater (that time the Coralax saved him from drowning by making him one of them. most of the effects have worn off, mostly due to his other mishaps)
The Hydra is his ex-girlfriend, and some of the Tsoo are his childhood buddies (those were posts unto themselves, and the first was as creepy as it was funny)
Had his memory erased at the end of his first employment with Crey (he doesn't remember it, of course)
His full name was referenced as "Jeremy Jenkins" and he's purportedly the son of notorious Paragon City criminal attorney Chris Jenkins.
The Circle of Thorns like his chanting voice.
The Sky Raiders were impressed with his abilities to pilot a jetpack and maintain a force field generator.
"You" is 120 pounds. If we consider the "You" from the earlier stories to be Jenkins, then Jenkins weighs about 120 pounds.
"You" also has a thick moustache. Again, if consider "You" to be Jenkins . . .
Jenkins has an old college room mate named Matt.
Jenkins had an apartment in a (slightly less) brown building (with a water tower on top) in Brickstown while imprisoned in the Zig.
Jenkins was a blob in Hamidon. Not sure how he un-blobbed though.
Jenkins (and his Praetorian counterpart Hopkins) wears glasses.
Was a Wolf Spider TacOps, and by logic, a Huntsman (one post made the absolute connection between our Jenkins, and the one from the tutorial and Operative Wellman's mission)
Once attempted to form his own villain group, the Jenkinites. I hope that next April 1st, the devs release the Jenkinites into Paragon City and the Rogue Isles.
Owns a magical sword with the unfortunate name of "Mr. Hurty."
Was once stalked by crazed man with a skull for a face and an obsession with pickles; never got Jenkins' name right.
Has been repeatedly recommended as a badge, contact, and other in-game content. All efforts have been in vain so far.
Has a bag of Cheetos that are ticking for some reason (they were mentioned as exploding at any time, so I'm keeping it as an item in his inventory).
Still wants that DVD player.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
[ QUOTE ]
Has been repeatedly recommended as a badge, contact, and other in-game content. All efforts have been in vain so far.
[/ QUOTE ]
Reason: Cryptic does not find Jenkins funny.
WinXPPro @ GF7800 @ SBLive! @ Copperhead @ Cable
Who am I? Check here.
01001001 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110100 00100000 01000011 01110101 01110000 01110000 01100001 00101100 00100000 01001101 01100001 01101110 01110100 01101001 01100011 01101111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01010000 01101111 01110011 01101001 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100011 01110010 01100101 01110100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101111 00101110 00100000
01101111 01100110 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101110 01101110 01111001 00101110 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101001 00100111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01110100 01110010 01101001 01100010 01110101 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100010 01110010 01101001 01101100 01101100 01101001 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101001 01110100 00111111
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Haha! Brilliant writing! I've never seen a funnier Jenkins post!
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
[ QUOTE ]
01101111 01100110 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100111 01110011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101110 01101110 01111001 00101110 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101001 00100111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01110100 01110010 01101001 01100010 01110101 01110100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100010 01110010 01101001 01101100 01101100 01101001 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101001 01110100 00111111
[/ QUOTE ]
Ha ha, very funny, but I can't use binary anymore, a mod doesn't want people to have to go to another link to read my posts.
well it is rather disorienting, lol
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Jenkins trys to become a Meat Doctor for the freakshow!
Jenkins: Soooo...hows it hangin...dude?
Doc Buzzsaw: Ok look I spilled some blood from PwnzxXx0rs latest re-fitment onto your resume...Gawd its huge...but I can still make out that you worked for the vahzilholk for a time correct?
Jenkins: Yes...say could you maby..give me a chair? This stack of scrap Im sitting on just gave me tetnus...
Doc Buzz: Look do you have a cutting impliment?
Jenkins: Yep. Mr. Hurty!
Doc Buzz: ohhhh k....Well do you have any prior experience in human/cybernetic releation?
Jenkins: No...But I might accidentally be the father of a clockwork machination of evil that wanders paragon. Does that count?
Doc Buzz: Yea yea, whatever lets just cut this short, Ive got a bad hangover from lastnights party and am about this close *waves a saw blade in jenkins face* to cutting you short.
Jenkins: urrr. I think my lockjaw is setting in. Maby this isnt the best job fo,,
Doc Buzz: LOOK SMALL STUFF! I happen to be one of the most powerful people in the freakshow so unless you happen to have anything valuebal to give me youve wasted my morning and when I waste my morning people DIE.
Jekins: Well I geuss I go *seizing up sound* urk...mah shaw...
Doc Buzz: Ohh Your resume says you have incredibal regenerative powers. I sure could use some extra parts for my experiments...
Jenkins: luddy bell....
((If your wondering when Jenkins was responseibal for a giant clockwork check the time he tried to start his own gang))
What page was that on?
page 10.
ty
Ooh! came up with a new one!
Jenkins and the Radioactive Fpoon
Jenkins, utterly out of ideas and and almost out of money, stops by a Wendy's for a soquid...
J: Excuse me, ma'm, can I have a spoon?
Cashier Lady: Don't you mean a Fpoon?
J: No, I want a spoon for my liquid icecream.
CL: Don't you mean a Fpoon for your Soquid?
J: NO! I WANT A SPOON FOR MY LIQUID ICECREAM!
CL: Sorry, but we don't serve liquid icecream, or have spoons, we have Fpoons and Soquids.
J: FINE! JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING! 
Jenkins, ready to burst stomps back to his table, muttering under his breath.
J: That goddanged cashier lady..she wouldn't give me a danged spoon!
After finishing his Soquid, Jenkins leaves the Wendys, and falls into a pool of radioactive booze that was outside of the door.
When Jenkins awoke, still drunk, his Fpoon had mutated, and could become a sword, and Jenkins now had Radiation and cloning powers, but he found that they would only work when he was intoxicated.
J: Ohmy-*hic* gosh, I have super-*hic*powers!
J: Now *hic* I can go an- *hic* *hic* kill hamidon!
Jenkins stumbles away into the hive, and uses his cloning powersto get up to hamidon unseen.
J: THIS *hic* IS THE END *hic* HAMIDON!
H: WHO DARES ENTER MY DOMAIN?!?!
Jenkins stabs hamidon with his radioactive Fpoon, and hamidon explodes, but now he is surrounded with millions of hamidon buds and mitochondria.
BOOM! A malta Hercules class titan falls from the sky, landing infront of Jenkins.
HCT: INITIATING ZEUS CLASS TITAN FUSION MODE.
HCT: OH YEAH! LET ME ZEUS YOU UP BABY!
Mitochondria and Hamidon Buds: REVENGE! KILL HIM AND HIS ROBOT COMPANION!
J: Oh bloody *hic* hell.
Okay, new items for the list.
-has a transforming sword-fpoon.
-has radiation powers and the power to clone himself while drunk.
Wow, and he still sucks. This guy has so many powers that I'd delete all of my MMs to have him as my character. The devs should implement him as a secret Giant Monster-type enemy, who like, is hidden in a really remote area of a zone in the Rogue Isles and Paragon City, with a low spawn rate. They should even leave him out of the patch notes if they add him.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
well, keep in mind that Jenkins is an epic AT in and of himself, with an inherent power (heretofore unnamed) called "Glass Jaw" which ensures that he is either taken out in 1 hit or is near-mortally wounded in 1 hit
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
Actually, that's a hell of an idea you just came up with. Think about it, an AT that has godlike, amazing powers that make Incarnates look wimpy, but if he gets so much as a mean look from an enemy, he's down for the count. It'd make Tankers (or Brutes) sure feel important. Now we need a name for it. Ah, hell, why not the Jenkins AT? Make it unlockable by getting all six debt, damage, and mez badges, along with Kill Skulz (the previous forum-fad-turned-into-game-content).
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
I think we've reached a record. This thread's been around since CoV launch, yet has only 18 pages. Very Jenkins-like of us, actually. You know, it'd be nice if Jenkins the in-game NPC would be promoted to Bane Spider for a mission in a later issue. It would be a nice consolation, since our Jenkins seems like he'll never get into the game.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Unfortunatly, it seems like most of the Jenkenites moved on or ran out of ideas.
I put myself in the latter group. Of course I only wrote 2 of the original stories......
Well, I ain't jumpin' ship until we get the flame on our thread. I propose we post not only stories about Jenkins, but other Jenkins-themed stuff. Here are some ideas:
1. Moments in which we (or our teammates) probably resembled Jenkins (i.e., about to have our [censored] handed to us, like an MM accidentally dismissing his henchmen during a fight with Infernal).
2. Moments in which enemies looked like Jenkins, with the whole "humiliating defeat" thing (like a level-one Hellion force bolted by a level 50 Controller with the Vanguard Medal and three slots of KB).
3. Ideas for ways to implement Jenkins into CoV.
4. More adventures for Jenkins with no relation to NPC groups (like the "Saga of the Skull Guy that was Obsessed with Pickles and Never got Jenkins' Name Right").
5. Stories of us finding strange, Jenkins-related patterns in the game (like the first letters of the names of our last 10 named bosses spelled B-L-O-O-D-Y-H-E-L-L or something).
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
I came up with a story about jenkins and the hordelings! w00 w00 w00! here goes!
Jenkins walks up to some hordelings.
J : hey, can i join you guys? I'm an arachnos reject.
Hordeling1: do you have a long tounge? Hordeling2 : or ice/fire powers?
J : um...no...is that a problem?
H1 & 2 whisper to themselves quietly.
H1&2 simeltaneously: Come with us.
Jenkins sees a flash of light, and loses conciousness. when he wakes up, he is infront of the hordeling leader the she devil,Liltu .
L:Ssso, you do not have any powersss?
J (scared): umm...no...
L (pointing to H1&2): Leave usss!
H1&2 leave and shut the door behind them.
H1 (outside of door): man, i feel sorry for him.
H2 :y@, h3 i5 @ n00b!
Jenkins watches in horror as Lilitu hunches down and transforms into a gigantic four legged hordeling with 666 tentacles sprouting from her back.
J :Holy-:Urk:
Jenkins is grasped tightly around the waist by a tentacle and is slowly raised to Lilitu's mouth.
L :Kissss me.....
J : Oh bloody hell...