[ QUOTE ]
I can't think of the last time villains got together and held a meeting to see who the next big Super Villain would be. Can you IMAGINE that meeting?
Skulls Rep: "This 'Psycho Flame' guy. He's up for Villain status, and we're all here to review him today. Who's met this guy? Anyone?"
Hellions Rep: "I met him once. Seemed really mean. Good with lighting people on fire, too. We liked that."
Skulls Rep: "Shut up, you."
CoT Rep: "We had the pleasure of his company for a short while, too. We felt he lacked what it took to be a master of evil mysticism, but he had a nice look. And a great chanting voice."
Skulls Rep: "Hmm.. we'll keep that in consideration. Anyone else?"
Freakshow Rep: "We thought he was going to start out strong- but in the end, he refused to fuse metallic joints to his body, and spent a good deal of time sticking magnets on our faces as we slept."
Clockwork Rep: "Hey! Us, too!"
Skulls Rep: "Not very promising. Anyone have any positive comments? This guy really wants to be a big time villain, and he's waiting patiently for our approval."
Sky Raider Rep: "He's pretty good with a rocket pack. And he had some decent maintenance skills when it came to our shield generators. Plus, he's really a people person. Good personality."
Skulls Rep: "Well, I think I've heard enough. I'll just call Lord Recluse with what we've talked about here, and see if Psycho Flame is worthy of a callback."
[/ QUOTE ]
That was me! I was Dr_Nefarious on the villain boards! I tried to save the whole thread, but when I went back to the boards to copy/paste, I could no longer get in. Sorry guys. I gave birth to the conspiracy, only to let it down. A few of the others that I did were:
[ QUOTE ]
Plus, how do you quit the FREAKSHOW? (This one is for you, Raevyn)
You: "This has been great guys. Really. I've had a good time ransacking Talos Island, and I really like the idea that I can open a beer bottle with my... well, you know... But I think it's time we've parted ways. So- if you could just take all this crap out of me, and stuff all my limbs and organs back in place- that would be super."
Freak Tank: "You... didn't read the pamphlet we handed out when you signed up, did you."
You: "There was a pamphlet? My bad. Did it say anything important?"
Freak Tank: "The pamphlet titled 'Irreversible Cybernetics and You'? ...Yeah. It had a few important issues in there."
And the Banished Pantheon would be a little tough, as well.
You: "I'm sick of being a half-naked Shaman guy. The zombies smell, the floating head mask thingies creep the bejesus out of me, and no matter HOW hard I try, I NEVER get promoted to the "Giant Tiki Guy" position. That's it. I'm done."
Banished Pantheon Member: "Sure, sure. We understand. I mean, it's no problem to quit."
You: "Really? No hard feelings or anything?"
Banished Pantheon Member: "No, no. Just let me go get my voodoo doll, and my pouch of magic powder, and you'll be out real quick."
Next thing you know, you're hanging around Greg Brady's neck, making him lose the surfing competition. Not the fate I'd wish for, man.
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
You: Listen, boss- This... this just isn't working out for me. I mean, no offense, but the 'West Side Story meets Escape From New York" look just isn't me, I keep dropping my axe... all the boys are laughin' at me... it's just not a good conducive atmosphere for me to work in. You know- emotionally ."
Warrior Boss: "..."
You: "I mean, sword fights are cool, and everything- Reminds me of many an hour I spent playing Dungeons and Dragons back in high school. But, I just don't think we're all working in a cohesive group. So, I'm just gonna turn in my axe, bandanna, and pre-shredded jeans, and call it all good."
Warriors Boss: "You must fight our BRAVEST warrior if you wish to leave our cabal! No other way is allowed. It's the warrior's way of the warrior. And you must respect the warrior code of the..."
You: "Warrior. Yeah, I got it. You guys say that a lot. And our best warrior is Ted- do I really have to fight Ted? He's good with that spiked ball on a stick thingy."
Warrior Boss: "The Mace. A true Warrior's weapon."
You: "There's no way around this clause in my contract?"
Warrior Boss: "No. It is the way of all warriors to battle the greatest warrior to become a better warrior. Or, in your warrior case, to give up the warrior's life of a warrior."
You: "Oh. *sigh* ...Maybe I can challenge him while he's mugging some lady for her purse. He likes taking women's purses. But... he keeps them. It's weird. 'Mightiest Warrior' my [censored]..."
Warrior Boss: "Your warrior's strategy is bold! Truly in holding of the warrior's code of being..."
You: "..A warrior. Yeah. I get it. This job sucks."
[/ QUOTE ]
Those were done before someone finally gave Jenkins his name. The best was when Captain Mako read the thread, and in the next patch, Jenkins was born! I can also lay claim to
[ QUOTE ]
You: "Hey... is it just me, or is this Superadyne stuff... making our skin... you know... that color? Like trees?"
Troll #1: "...Red?"
You: "No... well, maybe. I forget. Thinking is getting harder ever since I started this stuff. Any of you guys having this problem? What about you, 'guy with horns'?"
Troll #1: "Thinking is hard. Me Troll so long, me not have to do no more. Other Trolls pick on me- call me 'The smart one' when I bash my own head with rock."
Troll #2: "That day good. That rock taste good."
You: "Hmm... maybe this stuff wasn't all that the drug dealer on the corner hyped it up to be. I'm hanging with guys I would never have even considered hanging with before, I'm throwing big rocks at people, and popping this superadyne like aspirin at a migraine convention. I'm thinking some rehab might be in order."
Troll #1: "Order me two!" *holds up three fingers* "Sound yummy!"
You: "Uh... yeah. Listen- you guys have been awesome, but I think I should see a doctor, and get this stuff flushed out of my system. You know- go back to normal."
Troll #1: "Normal? Normal bad!"
Troll #2: "BAD! Normal BAD! FIRE BAD! FIRE... Uh... Fire make toast. Me like toast. And like throw rock at heroes."
You: "Yeah... you guys have fun with that. I have to go to the hospital now."
Troll #1: "You no go! Trolls no quit! You go nowhere!"
Hero: "I'VE COME TO DEFEAT YOU, VILLAINS!!"
You: "Good! A hospitalizing is just what I was looking for. Make sure to rough me up real good before working over 'dumb and dumber' over here."
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ringmistress: "So... you want to quit the Carnival of Shadows?"
You: "I really do. Really. I just don't get our mission statement. We entertain people long enough to enslave their souls... and make ghosts... with muscles or something? Isn't our boss just some chick's psycho delusion anyway? THAT also confuses me. How are we working for some figment of another person's head?
Ringmistress: "Well, it's complicated. She has corporeal form, you know. It's all very mystical and metaphysical."
You: "...Okay- but how does the clown theme fit into this?"
Ringmistress: "...Uh... she likes clowns. I guess. DON'T QUESTION THE BOSS, OKAY?"
You: "I also have issues with the fact that I have another person's soul trapped within my own body. Plus, the guy trapped inside me is a 30-year-old bed wetter. Not fun. Oh, and I think I'm allergic to the facepaint."
Ringmistress: "You're a Strongman- you're not supposed to be wearing the facepaint under that metal helmet."
You: "Well that explains why it smears so much, and why my helmet smells funny. Speaking of which, I also don't think I look good in the suit. Not like the other Strongmen."
Ringmistress: "Come on... you look... you look okay."
You: "I'm 120 lbs! I have no muscles! I can barely carry the two gallons of milk I buy all the way up the stairs to my apartment without having to take a break! How can you possibly think this looks good?"
Ringmistress: "Fine, fine. You want to quit? There's the door to the tent. Go on. But I'll tell you this much- if you walk out that door you will never, and I mean NEVER, get free all-you can eat popcorn again."
You: "...never?"
Ringmistress: "Never. Still want to raise a ruckuss, and be 'Mr. Quit'? Huh? Souls aren't easy to remove. Plus, we may 'accidentally' remove YOURS in the process. So go ahead. MAKE trouble by quitting. That's what you WANT, right? No job, soul, OR popcorn? Keep it up, mister troublemaker!"
You: "Sorry...I'll be good."
Ringmistress: "That's better. Now go refill the cotton candy machine before killing your next batch of people, would you? We're all out of 'El Purple Fantastico'."
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins: "Hi there, sir. I was wondering if I could talk to you. ...Is this a bad time?
Agony Mage: "No, no. Not at all."
Glowing, Floaty Victim: "Help... me..."
Agony Mage: "Quiet, you. What can I do for you, generic guard #35?"
Jenkins: "Well, I mean, I think it's time I looked for new job opportunities."
Agnoy Mage: "Aww. I'm sorry to hear that, generic guard #35."
Jenkins: "You know, I have a name. It's... *sigh* forget it."
Agony Mage: "Hey! What if we infused an ancient spirit in your body, and turned you into something GREAT? Would that make you change your mind?"
Jenkins: "Did... did you have something specific in mind?"
Agony Mage: "Let me answer your question with one of my own- How do you feel about having cloven feet and some badass wings?"
Jenkins: "It's funny you mention wings, sir. I have an interview at KFC tomorrow, and... well, they have a better dental plan..."
Glowing, Floaty Victim: "I don't want to die!"
Agony Mage: "Just close your eyes! GOD- It's always 'me, me, me' with you!"
Jenkins: "Yeah, man! People are talking here.... rude. Anyway- It's been great enchanting people with evil curses, and opening those hell portals is always good for a laugh, but overall the job is not as rewarding as I had hoped it would be. I mean, just the other day I had a hero come by and punch me in the GROIN just because I was standing next to some ancient artifact he wanted. Then the jerk just SMASHED the thing. I really don't think people respect us, or our personal property. That's not really a promising sign for a gang."
Agony Mage: "Well, we hate to lose you, generic guard #35."
Jenkins: "Hey- can I get one of those cool thorn sword things before I go? As a memento?"
Agony Mage: "Sorry. We really don't GIVE OUT our sinister idols of mystical power. It's a 'regulations and loss prevention' thing."
Jenkins: "Gotcha. Well, you're busy- I'm gonna go. Thanks for everything."
Glowing, Floaty Victim: "IS NOBODY GOING TO HELP ME?!"
Agony Mage: "Chant us up sometime if you change your mind, #35."
Jenkins: "Sure... just don't hold your breath, okay?"
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins quits the 5th Column just in time it seems:
Jenkins: "Hey, boss."
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "That's 'sir', soldier."
Jenkins: "Sorry. Hey, boss sir."
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "What can I do for you, Jenkins?"
Jenkins: "It's about the job, sir."
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "Ah, yes. You've been doing good work, Jenkins- patrolling random areas of our underground bases- for what we assume is you just being thorough- making sure that the officers have their spandex uniforms washed without fading... all kinds of good things. That's why we're considering YOU for the big promotion."
Jenkins: "About that thorough patrolling... well, sir... I just, uh, I get lost in those underground bases."
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "You... get lost."
Jenkins: "You guys have a LOT of bunkers that serve no purpose in there- and paths that lead nowhere. Did you know that? One day I opened a door to a dead end. What is THAT about?"
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "Well, we... you know, I'll be damned- We DO have a lot of useless crap in our bases."
Jenkins: "I just think I'd be better off standing around in a werehouse somewhere, punching my hand into my fist, sir."
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "Those positions are filled Jenkins. We need specially trained men for that. Not just ANYONE gets THOSE positions."
Jenkins: "Yeah... well, I'm also allergic to the Warwolves, sir. So, I started hanging out with the Vampyri. That... was unpleasant as well. They're... well, their bitey. I think I'm just going to quit. It's been a good run, but I'm not cut out for this thing. Besides, I hear some 'Council' is planning a hostile takeover, and I'd rather get out before I have to adapt to new management."
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "Well, we hate to see you go, Jenkins. You were truly a great soldier, and a credit to the Reich."
Jenkins: "...I'll take that as a compliment, sir. Many Jewish guys wouldn't. I'll just be heading off now."
Galaxy: "Excuse me, My soldiers and I are looking for the 5th Column base."
Jenkins: "This is the spot. I'll leave these guys to you, sir."
Nebel Elite Unteroffizer: "...uhh..."
Jenkins: "See you guys later! Have a good one, sir."
*Jenkins walks out of the base, blissfully ignorant of the sounds of energy blasts and machine gun fire*
[/ QUOTE ]
This one was my favorite to write, after the patch came out, and Jenkins was in the Breakout mission:
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins joins Arachnos and we see why we have to save his dumb butt in Breakout:
Jenkins: "I'm not so sure about this."
Arachnos Pilot: "Stop being a wimp. You want to bust this fellow ne'er do-well out, or NOT?"
Jenkins: "WHICH ONE?! The initial blast was supposed to free ONE GUY- not ALL of these villains! I mean, look at THAT guy with half his face missing! Was HE the guy we were after? Can't we just put him on the jet and GO?"
Arachnos Pilot: "No, he's not the guy we... oh, sweet JESUS that guy is gross... *ahem* uh, he's not the guy we're after. Besides- YOU screwed up that bombing, not us."
Jenkins: "I've been on the job ONE day! I TOLD you guys I wasn't an explosive expert! But Bob over there said I'd 'get a feel for it real quick'. You [censored], Bob."
Arachnos Soldier: "Yeah, that was my bad. But we're still blaming YOU, Jenkins."
Jenkins: "What? WHY?"
Arachnos Soldier: "...Tenure."
Arachnos Pilot: "Look- there's an easy fix for this problem, Jenkins. We need one more bomb to be set. Here's a map with the strategic location for the bomb's placement."
Jenkins: "You guys really aren't HEARING me. I don't DO bombs. I have NEVER armed a bomb before that last one, and I freed half the Zig by accident! Not that... you know... it's hard to get out of this place. I jumped the fence myself once. Can't we just do that? Jump the fence?"
Arachnos Pilot: "And DITCH the JET? Are you INSANE, Jenkins?! Perhaps you didn't notice that Longbow agent that keeps jumping the fence and SLAUGHTERING people. We're taking the jet out of here, end of discussion. Now get to work, or we'll leave you here in the riot, you lazy bum!"
Jenkins: "Where's the bomb?"
Arachnos Pilot: "Bob has it. Just sneak it in real quick, plant it, and leave. No fuss, no muss."
Jenkins: "What if I'm captured?"
Arachnos Pilot: "You'd have to be REALLY incompetant for THAT to happen, Jenkins. Now take the bomb and run in there."
Jenkins: *holds out hand* "Fine, hand it over, Bob."
*The Arachnos Soldier grunts and huffs as he wheels in a heavy iron hand cart with a large metal barrel sitting on it. There's a powerful detonator attached to it.*
Arachnos Soldier: "Ta-daaa."
Jenkins: "THAT'S the bomb I'm supposed to run in 'real quick'?"
Arachnos Soldier: "Yup. One wheel sticks on this bugger- you have to pull really hard to get anywhere."
*Jenkins starts pulling the handcart away, muttering to himself*
Arachnos Pilot: "THAT'S NITRO IN THERE, JENKINS! DON'T JOSTLE IT AROUND TOO MUCH WHILE YOU'RE PULLING ON IT REALLY HARD!! GOOD LUCK, SOLDIER!"
Arachnos Soldier: "He's dead."
Arachnos Pilot: "Yup. How much you want to bet that I can talk the guy we're busting out into doing the same thing?"
Arachnos Soldier: "Five bucks. Ten if you get him to go after Jenkins."
Arachnos Pilot: "Deal."
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
We find our man Jenkins in a police uniform, leaning against a cruiser, with his new partner beside him. Both have embraced the cliche', and are eating donuts.*
Jenkins: "So... this is the job, huh?"
Cop: "Yep. We protect the innocent with our amazing training in the field of law enforcement.... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! *cough, cough* Oh, jeez- heh- almost choked on my sprinkles..."
Jenkins: "Training? YOU got training? I didn't. They handed me a blood soaked uniform, said 'Here- machine wash, cold. Put it on tomorrow, and get yourself a gun from the supply area before you go out."
Cop: "Sounds about right. Did they teach you how to use the ultra-secret Hero call?"
Jenkins: "NO! How do I do THAT?"
*The cop throws his hands up, and begins frantically screaming and running back and forth. After a few moments, he stops and leans back against the car, eating his donut.*
Cop: "That's how."
Jenkins: "You scream and run around? THAT is the 'ultra-secret Hero call'? That's no secret call- that's just you being a big chicken!"
Cop: "It's also why I'm still alive, mister 'this was once a blood soaked uniform'."
Jenkins: "Hey! Look over there! That one Hellion is trying to steal that old lady's purse! We have to help!"
Cop: "Woah there, rookie. Sit back. A hero will probably come by soon. This is Atlas Park. You can't throw a dead badger without hitting someone in day-glow spandex. That reminds me- I have a dead badger in the trunk. Once we're done with these donuts, we can go do that. Helps pass the time."
Jenkins: "What?! We're NOT going to help??"
Cop: "Look at her- she's fine. She's got a nice firm grip on that sucker. You know, I've seen old ladies fight for DAYS without letting go of their purses. Then a hero comes, and it's all good. That idiot Hellion over there has no idea what he's in for- he's just gonna keep on tuggin' without a care in the world. Watch."
Jenkins: "This blows. I thought I'd be able to make a difference, what with my inside knowledge on all the street gangs in the WHOLE STATE."
Cop: "Oh! Here comes a cape right now! THE SIGNAL, JENKINS!"
*both men charge a nearby hero, and flail their arms screaming*
Captain Thinks-He's-Invisible: "Good lord! DANGER! I'd better save the day!"
*He charges in, one-punches the Hellion, and runs off to battle his next evildoer, with the old lady giving chase in a useless effort to thank him. The two police officers lean against the car again.*
Cop: "You want to know something else? I have no idea how to drive this damn thing. I've been on the force for 2 years now, and this is the only streetcorner I've ever patrolled."
*An extremely powerful hero comes by, with a train of villains behind him. He is quickly teleported away by a teammate, leaving all of the villains right in front of Jenkins and his new partner. They all exchange awkward silence*
Jenkins: *sigh* "...Got that badger handy?"
[/ QUOTE ]
BrickWilson was awesome enough to get a few with our names on them, so I won't bother repeat posting those- but if you guys see your unnammed Jenkins post up here, let us know who you were! These were just the ones I did that had become anonymous through the thread swap. I wish I could lay claim to some of the other funny posts, but alas, conscience does not allow it. hahaha- anyway, GRAB YOUR JENKINS POSTS, PEOPLE! Don't fade into anonymity!
Sorry. I kinda feel like the big papa of Jenkins, what with getting the ball rolling and all, and I'm SO GLAD to see that someone managed to save him!
VIVA LA JENKINS! (or something to that effect.)
Please play and rate my AE arcs! Just look for @Captain Titan, and you'll find them! Also, whoever made the Penelope Yin splash page needs to be told that spines don't work that way.
Dr. Nefarious! yep, he started it all. he is the one that made me almost choke to death from laughter. I am sorry i did not copy your name as well as your contribution. I still laugh everytime i read:
"there was a pamphlet? My bad. Did it say anything important?"
"The pamphlet entiltled: 'Irreversible Cybernetics and You'?...yeah. It had a few important issues in there."
man we gotta keep this thing going
Yes we do. It started as a simple thread hijacking, and has become a living, breathing thing unto itself. lol
Please play and rate my AE arcs! Just look for @Captain Titan, and you'll find them! Also, whoever made the Penelope Yin splash page needs to be told that spines don't work that way.
If you create him he will live. The Jenkins Conspiracy is out there.
So, to get everyone on the ball, over on the CoV Beta boards we had decided a Jankins badge was in order. If something as goofy and ridiculous as 'Kill Skuls' could do it (and become graffiti in the Rogue Islands, at that,) why couldn't our boy Jenkins?
I've said it before, and I'll say it again- I think a "Hired Jenkins" badge would be great, because then you could have your name say "So-and-so Hired Jenkins". Unless your name isn't So-And-So, but regardless, it would say something more befitting of yourself.
Please play and rate my AE arcs! Just look for @Captain Titan, and you'll find them! Also, whoever made the Penelope Yin splash page needs to be told that spines don't work that way.
We could make it two-fold too heroes get a Busted Jenkins badge after collecting all the defeat 'x' villain badges and the villains can get the Hired Jenkins badge or something along those lines or maybe a thread based badge for the 40-50 levels that incorporate all the enemy groups you face
Wow, I'm flattered that someone copied my stuff. Anyway, that thing about the Goldbrickers is actually a reference to a thread that got buried during the first wave of beta. It was basically a thread that posited that Goldbrickers were really lazy Sky Raiders (I forgot what the reasoning behind it was). And the thread I referred everyone to back in my second post is no longer in existence, so you're out of luck there. If someone restarts Creeper's Inn, I'll be there, and then you can refer to it to find out about the guy there that Jenkins was working for, but he was basically a Necro/Dark MM. Okay, time for another wacky adventure with everyone's favorite quitter. Also, I think that the "Hired Jenkins" badge should come with a Jenkins gladiator for the arena.
Jenkins: Um, hello, Mr. Energy Beast?
Gremlin: Bzzt?
Jenkins: Uh, yeah, I'm turning in my two-weeks notice, sorry. This just isn't the kind of work environment I'm comfortable in. I can't understand what anyone's saying.
Gremlin: Bzzzzt!
Jenkins: See what I mean? I'm not even made of energy, I've just been covered in reflective tape for the past month.
Gremlin: Bzzt? BZZZZT!
(A whole crapload of energy demons appear around Jenkins)
Jenkins: Oh, bloody hell....
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
I'm thinking the Jenkins Badge should be a result of a 'rare' newspaper mission.
Wherein you have to go rescue his sorry butt yet again, and do HIS job for him.
Not sure having him as a gladiator badge would be a good thing.... maybe he can be like the Sky Raider Engineer, only he plants satchel charges that you can blow up, like the bank heist?
"City of Heroes. April 27, 2004 - August 31, 2012. Obliterated not with a weapon of mass destruction, not by an all-powerful supervillain... but by a cold-hearted and cowardly corporate suck-up."
Bump!
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Jenkins and the Legacy Chain!!!
*Jenkins walks into a office adorned with crosses and rune signs*
Jenkins: Umm Excuse me boss? Sir? Im here about my...
Adamant Pledge of Steel: OHHH! Jenkins my good brother! How are you today? Have you said your prayers yet?
J: Thats just it sir. Im not really cut out for this job.
APoS: Oh how so?
J: Well sir you see when I first saw the ad in tha paper for the job position of Aluminum Pledge of Steel I thought....
APoS: Ohhh right. We could promote you to Tinfoil? Wouldnt you like that Brother Jenkins? A nice tinfoil helemt to keep those pesky Circle of Thorns from reading our brains? OHHH! We could put some crosses on them and use the to keep the bad spirits away as well!
J: Ohhh Ohhh! I know we could add some nice pink lace and...WAIT WAIT WAIT! Im not here to participate in the weekend craft party Im here on more inportant bussiness!
APoS: .......
J: I want to turn in my two weeks notice. No one ever said that this was a Hero group. I thought this was a villain group! I wanted to be robbing banks and to be listening to groovy radios! Not standing around waiting for Lord Darkity Dark Dark of Darkness to find the unholy turnip and threaten our lives with it.
APoS: Brother Jenkins is this rage stemming from your lack of proper weapon? I could aquire you a stick wrapped in tinfoil instead of aluminum if you want.
J: And theres another thing! Whats with all the medival stuff and learning? Suits of armour? Flowing robes of silk? Broad Swords? No wonder we cant keep even the simple villains from getting their hands on our sacred artifacts! GOD! you guys are worse than that time I joined the Dominatrix's arm of the preatorians.....
APoS: Did you just use the lords name in vain brother Jenkins?
J: Ummmm maby?
APoS: Riiiiiggghhhtttt....
*APoS into a speakerphone*
APoS: Caroline? Yes. Cancle all my apointments for the rest of the day. I have a sinner to convert.....
*APoS hits a button and the door slams closed*
APoS: Time for conversion.....
*APoS pulls out a large branding iron. He also pulls out a cell phone*
APoS: Hey? Yea Dominatrix? Yes its me. Yea the whole good guy thing is working out. You know that scrawny guy with the J name? Yea the one who passed out when you brought out the clown and grizzly? That one. And now you remember that favor you owe me? Yea. Send over Arnoldo and Hanz. And the clown.
Jenkins: Bloody Hell.....
I apologize if this isnt correct Jenkins satire or if someone did a Legacy chain story already. I dont remeber one though.
Cool. I've been silently watching the Jenkins Conspiracy grow ever since he got his name. I vote that he gets his own badge too. It would also be very cool if there was tiny little articals of graffiti that said "Jenkins Was Here!" Spray painted onto walls in small red letters.
Ok, I've never done this befor so correct me if I write something that he would never do.
Jenkins: Hey boss? I'm going to put in my two weeks notice. I was thinking of having my tattoos removed. It's nice and all that I get new energy powers from them but... People keep staring at my full body job...
Red Ink Man: Well, I guess you do have to flow like watter beneath a bridge, and pass on to fresh forms of life. It is too bad that you did not stay long enough to be promoted to an Ancestral Spiret.
J: Well about that too. I don't think I like the idea of constantly phasing out of reality and flieng away like an intangible flieng baby every time I get roughed up a little bit.
RIM: What led you to that assumption?
J: Well, my co-workers, especialy the Ancestral Spiret that's running from that flieng tanker over there, seem to only specialize in running from danger... I want to stand and fight, you know.
RIM: THAT ANCESTRAL SPIRET, IS THE ANCESTRAL SPIRET OF MY FATHERS, FATHERS, FATHERS, FATHERS, FATHERS, FATHERS, MOTHER'S, AUNT'S, UNKLE'S, FATHER IN LAW's, MOTHER'S, FATHER! YOU HAVE SHAMED MY ENTIRE FAMILY! IN ORDER TO REDEEM MY FAMILY'S HONER I WILL KILL YOU IN COMBAT!
J: Pfft. Yeah right. *kicks Red Ink Man's shin*
RIM: EYE! You have fought well... *Red Ink Man runs away in sheer terror* Get him!
*Several Ancestral Spirets surround Jenkins*
J: *Sigh* Bloody Hell...
Correct me if Jankins did something he wouldent normaly do.
No, that about sums it up. See, Jenkins is sort of this amalgamation of the quitter, idiot savant, and a wisecracking smart a**. Besides, I think we agreed long ago that we're not here to judge anyone else's attempts at Jenkins Lore. I mean, he's been turned into a chihuahua, sent to swim with the fishes, was turned into one of those 'fishes', ratted out the Column, harrassed by a skull-headed man who didn't know his name, got kicked out of a restaurant, and had many more crazy adventures too numerous to recount. I'd say you did him justice. Now, where's his badge already? lol
On that note, I have another brief Jenkins story:
Warehouse. Garment Works. Kings Row. Paragon City. Dingy. Abandoned. Run down. There are Clockwork everywhere. While some of them stand, waiting for some unknown foe, others patrol the hallways. At the end of one hallway, in a small room, the largest of these metal constructs waits. With him are one Sprocket, and Jenkins. All the waiting seems to be getting to Jenkins.
Jenkins: What are we waiting for, anyway? No one's said a friggin' thing to me since we got here. And you. He points at the Sprocket. Could you put your friggin' head back on? It's creeping me out. I mean, all this technological and mechanical mastery, and you can't keep your head attached? I need to go update my resume, I'm outta here.
Enjoi
WinXPPro @ GF7800 @ SBLive! @ Copperhead @ Cable
Who am I? Check here.
Hi guys. I'd like to say that I posted under "Ryoko" in the CoV beta boards. I posted 2 stories. I got props for the long Crey one, and I also wrote this devoured earth one.:
[ QUOTE ]
Jenkins: Uhh
Mr. Greater Devoured. Sir?
Greater Devoured: GRAAAGHH. What you want, Rosevine?
Jenkins: Look, I uh, need to put in my two weeks, or whatever. This just isnt working for me.
Greater Devoured: You no can leave. You are one of us.
Jenkins:Well
umm
. I never actually went through with that whole mandatory transformation thing. Ive just been collecting vines off the wall of the apartments behind my building and gluing them to my clothes. And, well, I think there was some poison ivy mixed up in there. I know it helps the image with the whole crusty blisters thing, but by God, I need some calamine lotion! And then what is up with the caves?! I understand the Circle of Thorns wanting to hang around down here, but most of you guys are plants! Vegetative Lifeforms!! You cant tell me that most of you dont need to be in the sun. No wonder some of these heroes can walk all over you. Half of the organization is WILTING! I am SO out of here!
<As Jenkins turns to leave, he sees that two Deathcaps have blocked off the only exit from the room. Jenkins turns around quickly and sees his *former* boss, the Greater Devoured, summon a couple of swarms. Just as his ex-boss rears back (for what Jenkins knows is his projectile-vomiting move), he sees a puff of brown spores. The last thing he thinks as he falls asleep is: Oh bloody hell
..>
[/ QUOTE ]
I hope ya'll liked them, and I hope this thread continues!
Laters
Ryoko
ok this quick one is based on hearsay of a mission one of the global chat members got.
Wolf Spider Enforcer: Aw, dammmit. Remember that one guy who we owe a favor to cause he didn't tell Ghost Widow about those pictures we took.
Wolf Spider TacOps: Oh yeah, man those were nice.
Wolf Spider Enforcer: Man they sure were.....anyway, my point is that guy called and he needs someone to assist one of the so called "destined ones" in their mission.
Wolf Spider TacOps: Damn. Well I aint going. Who you gonna send?
Wolf Spider Enforcer: I was thinking of Jenkins, that little whiner somehow made it to 19. and all he does is threaten to quit.
Wolf Spider TacOps: Oh man, thats great! He's also managed to piss off every villain group, he's bound to be terminated, if you know what I mean.
Both: Ha Ha Ha Ha
(In mission)
Jenkins: Hey, they send me to meet you and give you a hand.
You: Ummmm. I got an idea you distract them, and i will get away.
Jenkins: How do I do that?
You point to the group of villains heading toward Jenkins with hatred in their eyes
Jenkins: Oh Bloody hell....
The part that actually worries me is he is slightly more useful in the Zig break mission the second time. Just helps plausibly prove that the Jenkins is more than any one of us can fathom.::X-Files theme music plays in the background::
I liked the part where Jenkins had to kill his Praetorian counterpart for Nemesis. That was kinda sad, though. By the way, Jenkins' many other exploits include dating and breaking up with the Kraken, leading his own villain group, being blown up by his Cheetos (thanks to the Malta and a timebomb), gang-[censored] S&M style by Dominatrix, rejected by the Rikti (their probes were useless thanks to Dominatrix), made to wear magical panties by the carnival of shodows, sexually assaulted by a Hercules-class titan, and buried in caltrops by the Knives of Artemis. Also, he defeated a Hellion with a fire extinguisher. Also, due to the first Jenkins post (where he was referred to as "Psycho Flame") there have been a few references to a power over fire that Jenkins may possess, and a Vahzilok-induced mega-regeneration that may explain how he manages to not die, despite his tendency to wind up in situtations that make Wile E. Coyote grateful for what he gets.
Manofmanychars, including a Jenkins expert.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Jenkins and the Gold Brickers
*Jenkins walks into a back ally. The sound of dice can be heard*
Jenkins: Ummm hello?
Boomer: Hey Jenkins! Cmon play some dice! The minimum bets only elevinty-bajillion bucks.
Jenkins: Well thats not it boss....Im kinda here to turn in my Jetpack and Sonic Rifle....
Boomer: Whaaaa? You mean and ditch all this great Sky high fun? And the choclate? and the amazing amounts of free cash and swag?
Jenkins: Well thats just it sir. Ever since I started work with you guys its been nothing but trouble. The Arachnos beacon you gave me was so big that I couldnt even walk with it.
Boomer: Ok so we wont give you the big loot anymore.
Jenkins: And I dont understand how to control this jet pack. Or this Sonic gun.
Boomer: Well you just ummmm.....Actually mines just always kinda worked....
Jenkins: And whats with all this choclate we eat? I mean really. We get a whole freakin POUND of choclate for 1 stupid arachnos helmet. I have like 5 that some random guy threw at me,
Boomer: Welllll......just listen. Come with me and the guys on one last run. were breakin into the 97th floor of the Cornstalk Palace Hotel
Jenkins: And whats with all these sky high capers? I mean half of us dont even know how to operate our jet packs and a quarter of us just get up there by going in the front door and walking upstairs.
Boomer: Look. We arnt some huge flashy group like the Hellions or the Skulls. We just get by on our minor resources.
Jenkins: MINOR! MINOR!?!?! Every rank of this group gets a free solid gold jet pack on entry. I mean the baisic equipment is worth more than all the pay checks from every group Ive been in since the Hellions.
Boomer: Look. If you really dont like this group this much go talk to Midas. Good luck finding him though. Hes so well hidden not even Lord Recluse could find him.
Jenkins: WELL HIDDEN?!?! The man paints himself gold. PAINTS.....HIMSELF.....GOLD....Infact there a candy factory named GOLD BRICKERS just on the opposite side of town!
Boomer: Yea yea yea....Wait do you hear that?
*A sudden assasins strike takes down the boomer. A 8 man team of villains 7 of then brutes look unusually happy to see Jenkins*
Brute1: Here we go! One last gold bricker for our Fort Knox badge!
Jenkins: Bloody hell.....
Brute2: SMASH!
Bump.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
How did this thread get to page 4? Get writing! I'm thinking about something, and I'd like to be able to post it when I've finished.
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
ahem "bumping" posting with the single word "bump" is against the rules....so of course you can do the bump but just don't post with "bump" or anything stating that you are doing said "bumping" what you need to do is to make sure that you are by just posting bumping up the thread but not bringing light to the fact that you are doing said bumping for bumping purposes.
Make your posts more meaty than just "bump" or the Mods might zap your post.
Now there see how I did what is against the rules but without actually doing that single word post....I'm crafty like that.! 
If you want your favorite thread to stay on top then post something in it besides "bump" which as stated above is against the rules.
Also I would LOVE to see more of these and if I wasn't in writer's block I might pen a few. But alas the block is still in my head and doesn't look to move anytime soon.
Just put points into Juggernaut's Might ability and have him move it. Oh, wait, wrong superhero game, don't need to get the CoH/V guys sued by Marvel... again.... 
[B]The Once and Future Official Minister of Awesome[/B]
[I]And don't you forget it.[/I]
[URL="http://paragonunleashed.proboards.com/index.cgi"][IMG]http://gamefacelive.com/bre/joker.png[/IMG][/URL]
Jenkins and WYVREN! ZOMG!
Jenkins walks into a Arachnos base
Sign on door: NO WYVREN HERE! GO AWAY!
Jenkins: Umm hello?
Talon Wing Agent: Shhhhh be quiet. You want Doctor Aeon to hear us blowing up his favorite pet cat terry-lumpus-schmooky-woo
Jenkins: ummmm ok?
TWA: right anyways. Come on in before anyone sees us consorting with a know criminal
Jenkins: ummm sure? Dont you guys kinda like....flagrantly flaunt any type of law or morality?
Jenkins fumbles to enter round arachnos door
TWA: Shhhhh do you think Manticore would want to hear that type of talk? He thinks were makein brownies in here with arachnos super mega death (micro)wave
Jenkins: *oomph* Right well ya see thats just it. How can NO ONE realize that Manticore supports a freaking criminal orginization that actively does terrorist threats abroad?
TWA: WHAT? How did you know our connection to manticore? *GASP* YOU MUST BE OF THE HIGHEST ELCHEON OF ARACHNOS ESPIONAGE!
Jenkins: nooo....I kinda just sorta...ya know...happend to notice manticores " I WUBBLES TEH WYVREN! " shirt and all and put 1 and 1 together.
TWA: Right....anyways come this way and meet our funder for this operation. DOCTOR ECHO!
Doc Echo: Oh hi!
Jenkins: Is it just me or does this guy kinda resemble...
Greasy gnome: SPOILER ALERT!!!! OMGZORS!
Jenkins: Ok....what the Humping Zeus titain was that?
TWA: oh he does that sometimes.
Jenkins: righhhhhttt....anyway dosnt this guy kinda resemble doctor Aeon?
DE: Oh thats becaues Im his cloned cousin 3 times removed sent back to the past becaues somehow someone somewere someway leveld the world and Im here to correct it!
Jenkins: ohhh.....I think I just went oogly in my noogly....
Greasy gnome: SPOILER OVER!!! MUAHAHAH!
TWA: So....lets get down to standin around obliviously...
Jenkins: riiigghhhttt....
*several hours and one awesome fight later*
Jenkins: ohh my.....I think I need to see face maker caues Im sure my liver dosnt bend that way.....
DE: ONE TO TELEPORT!
Jenkins: Wait....he gets a teleporter for medical emergancies and I dont?
TWA(still un-agro'ed): Well hes kinda well.....
Jenkins: AND YOU DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING! YOU STOOD THERE THE ENTIRE BATTLE!
TWA: I was whatching the awesome kicka$$-ness of it all
Jenkins: I quit....heres my two weeks notice
*suddenly the group says "Wait...its a kill all mission"!*
Jenkins: Oh bloody hell......
He couldn't believe it. After all the villain organizations he'd joined he came full circle and was back with the Hellions. His initiation assignment was simple, all Jenkins had to do was steal an old lady's purse and he couldn't leave until he had the purse. How hard can it be?, he thought, It's just an old lady right? That was two days ago. Since then, Jenkind had been locked in a titanic struggle over the old broad's Sears knockoff purse with only a Fallen Gunner dropping by to check his progress, he'd had enough.
Jenkins: C'mon lady! Just gimme the stupid purse!
Old Woman: Somebody help! Oh you brute!
Jenkins: Lady, you broke your hip yesterday for God's sake! just let go and let me have the 5 bucks you have stashed in there!
Fallen Gunner: Ah Jenkins, made any progress yet?
Jenkins: Does it look like I've made progress? You never told me that the old ladies around here can bench 160 pounds! I've been at this for 2 days, I'm hungry and i gotta wiz big time!
Fallen Gunner: You know the rules, you have to finish what you start.
Old Woman: Won't someone please save me from these horrible men?
Jenkins: Aww shut up you old fart! Look, Fallen Gunner or whatever your name is, I can't take this anymore, I don't even know what the hell possesed me to rejoin you guys anyway. Maybe if you let your guys take a break from their muggings your gang would be stronger and could actually put up a fight against the newbie heroes running around here. I quit! (continues struggling with the woman)
Fallen Gunner: Yeah you're right, we'd be more powerful as an organization if we weren't stuck trying to mug people, but the tatoos we wear won't let us stop.
Jenkins: What?!! Won't let you stop?!!
Old Woman: GAAH! My shoulder just dislocated! Let go you little [censored]!
Fallen Gunner: Yeah, the tatoos have wierd rules that apply to people who wear them. Any crime you start can't be stopped until it's either done or you get arrested.
Jenkins: WHAT?!! So i'm stuck here until a hero decides to pound on me?!!
Fallen Guner: 'Fraid so.
Old Woman: Sweet Jesus my arthritis!
Jenkins: Oh bloody hell.
Goodbye, I guess.
@Lord_Nightblade in Champions/Star Trek Online
nightblade7295@gmail.com if you want to stay in touch
lol, yeah. I think those old ladies must be ex-heroes. There is no way my grandmother could be as strong as some of those gals. 
[ QUOTE ]
Nosferatu hands Jenkins a sheet of paper: Go see this guy. Hell fill you in on the rest.
[/ QUOTE ]
I found it! You each had one of my longer ones. The only other one I can remember was quite short. Posted during what seemed to be a draught in the Jenkins saga, I posted a one line entry (not word for word, but close):
Jenkins looks around at the rocks and lava and the Magamanites around him, "Is it just me, or is it friggin' hot in here?"
WinXPPro @ GF7800 @ SBLive! @ Copperhead @ Cable
Who am I? Check here.