Fade out - the farewell letter I wish I didn't have to write

Well, enough other people have made their goodbyes, I thought I should finally do mine. I don't want to. Hell, I wish I didn't have to.

I got into this gig because of my husband John (aka Blood Speaker, or as some of you know him, the voice of Lord Recluse in my INCARNATE video). Although we had a couple of friends who played CoH, he'd loudly and longly proclaimed that until he could play a VILLAIN, no way no how was he gonna play. Sure enough, Christmas time 2006, hello, CoV, hello account for John.

And he and his other friends who played would go on and on and on about CoH, and I'd sometimes watch over his shoulder as he'd play. Until I finally decided to give the game a try myself.

Except I got hideous motion sickness every time I did. So I would play for about five minutes at a time on his account. Until little by little, I was able to build up a tolerance and actually play. So in July 2007, I got my own account. (After, btw, I had unlocked Kheldians on John's account because his first 50 was a villain, and MY first 50 was a hero. You're welcome, John.)

And I enjoyed playing. I enjoyed creating characters, trying powersets, writing bios for my characters...

... and then, with Issue 10... IT began.

"I have this video idea," says I.
"Wouldn't it be neat to do a kinda trailer sorta thing for the Invasion," says I.
"It'll probably suck, but what the hell," says I.

It was, to quote Heinz Kruger from CAPTAIN AMERICA, "the first of many."

Over the course of my five-year CoH career, this game inspired a total of thirty-three videos, totaling an hour and forty-one minutes. Unreal. Music videos, game trailers, parodies, what have you. And my video to-do list kept growing and growing.

Then there was the story thing. What started as an in-character joke, intended to be a one-off little story, turned into a trilogy of books (Book 1 is done, Book 2 is in progress, Book 3 is outlined and partially written already). I still don't think Matt Miller has ever forgiven me for turning his namesake into a romantic leading man.

This game has been such a wonderful outlet for my creativity, in more ways than I'd ever expected or dreamed. What a blessing it was the day I first got here.

But part of the reason for this letter is so I can thank certain people. Being the absentminded schnook that I am, I've probably never properly thanked some of the CoH community for all they've done. So...



THE PLAYERS


To Kay Parfait, Atlantea, and the Triumph crew - you guys were my first film crew, the first to rally to the battle cry of, "I'M FILMING, EVERYONE LOOK AWESOME!" From the very beginning, you stepped in when I needed body doubles, teleports to places, and a host of other kindnesses.

To Red Gren, Abraxxus, Texas Justice, and so many, many others on my second home, Justice - bless you for being some of the coolest damn people I've had the pleasure of gaming with and meeting in real life. You have been there to team, to chat, and to make me laugh so many times.

To SyrusBLiz, Desi Nova, SpaceNut, KWSapphire, and the LiveJournal channel crew - thank you for believing. Most of you probably don't remember, but I recall a few posts I made in the CoH LJ about problems I was having (both in-game and RL), and you guys were nothing but supportive and encouraging.

To Megumi and Plasma Warrior - my Justice comrades-in-arms, hosts of the OFF THE CAPE podcast, and fellow havoc-wreakers at HeroCon. Special hugs to Plasma Warrior for driving with John and me (and Plas' Dad) from Phoenix to San Jose and back TWICE. Forty-some-odd hours of nonstop laughter.

To Scuzzbopper, Zloth, Synchrotron, and all the other players who created tools for the videographers - you guys are the awesome.

To Neutra, Sentai Sage, 8 Baller, Aralcox, AngelusAnimi, TimTheEnchanter, Ashcraft, OminousVoice, Thor's Assassin, and the rest of the videographer community - I learned so very, very much from you guys. And you set a damned high bar for me to reach.

To Arcanaville, the Doyenne of Digits, the Madame of Mathematics - thanks for not only being brilliant, but for consistently being one of the class acts of the forums.

To Turgenev and Leandro, my Freedom fellows - for laughter, for computer tech support, and for just being there.

To Equation aka Arbiter Fabulous - thank you for unbridled enthusiasm, laughter, and sheer chutzpah. You make my world a brighter place. And more fashionable.

To Leandro, for so very, very much - No hay palabras, mi amor. Gracias.

To Dust Raven and Trystan Laryssa, founders of the Star Patrol and friends in real life - I still think our motto should have been, "We're not Longbow... we're better." You guys know I love you both.

To KittenBasket, for staunch support, goodwill, and unflagging enthusiasm - you made so many things possible. At least half of my vids are because of you. So now people know who to blame, thank, or both.

To Cende, fellow author, best friend, and staunch supporter of TavaTron - I can't imagine my life any more without you in it. And thank you for reminding me that Statesman can be more than a stiffnecked ****** with a patriotism complex.



THE REDNAMES

To Ex Libris and Lighthouse, in absentia - for being the first rednames to really support me. The HeroCon 2008 presentation experience is one I will forever cherish.

To Zwillinger, Mod8, TheNet, Beastyle, Avatea, and all the other community folks - thank you for not giving me crap for starting new threads every time I made a video. And also thank you for commenting in said threads, guaranteeing that people would read them if they followed the Community Digest.

To Hit Streak - ferrying me to all thirty-three instances of Atlas Park on the day of the Unity Rally was probably the single most amazingly generous thing I have EVER had a redname do for me. Especially since it was on your day off and you were late getting to some family shindig or another for helping me.

To Second Measure - thank you for giving me an opportunity I'd not expected. I don't know how much good I did, but thanks for having the faith to give me the chance.

To Protean, Viridian, Dr. Aeon, Hero 1, and Manticore, lore gods all - thank you for taking my questions seriously when I was trying to make sense of the vastness that is CoH lore. Special thanks to Protean and Dr. Aeon for forgiving me after I put my foot in my mouth numerous times - I wasn't sure you would.

To David Lewis, unsung videographer of CoH - I'd NEVER have made most of these had it not been for him.

Last but certainly not least, to Positron - you know why. If you don't, go read your farewell thread and look for my post.



To the playerbase at large - I wish I knew how to thank all of you. I started out making videos because *I* enjoyed them. I kept on making videos because *YOU* enjoyed them. Like that line in GODFATHER III, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." And the words 'thank you' just seem so... inadequate here.

But thank you for the support, the comments, the posting of my vids here there and everywhere, and yes, even for the criticism. You helped make each video better. Also, thank you to all of you who kept lobbying for Paragon to hire me - that you believed my work was good enough to promote and support this game we love meant more to me than I could hope to tell you. I wish more than anything that I could have had that chance. Still, it was an awesome feeling to know that some of you anticipated my vids almost as much as you did the issues that I was making them for.



EDIT: Before I go, I do want to reassure folks that I will be continuing to make videos in the games where I end up. Although Johanna Sinclair, Sorina Tavarisch, Andrea Blake and others will remain here in Paragon City, new heroines have risen to the call elsewhere.

In RIFT, on the Faeblight server, you'll find me there as Raelskye, Trisstesse, Tetsutsuru, and Samuraiko. (Bloodspeaker is there as well, playing his namesake!) Our guild there is Veritas Aeternum.

In LORD OF THE RINGS ONLINE, on the Gladden server, you'll find me there as Raelskye and Certhrendis. Bloodspeaker is there as Aranelion, Caelwald, Gildarion, and a couple others. (A couple of our other CoH friends are there as well.) Our kinship is the Wards of Lore.

As for THE COURSE OF SUPERHERO ROMANCE, I own the domain superheroromance.com, which will soon be hosting not only TCOSR, but also Cende's story PROPHECY AND DREAMS. As soon as I get the site built, the stories will go on.

And for those who want to keep in touch with me, I am on Twitter as, of course, @Samuraiko.



That's a wrap, everyone.


Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

A really long time ago, I made a thread stating I was leaving CoH. One of the things I did in that thread was put out a call for advice on how to succeed in college. I got an outpouring of advice and support, but yours was among the strongest and most detailed. I have tried my best to adhere to it, and I think it has served me very well. I doubt you even remember giving it, but thanks again.

And thanks for your videos. The CoH swan song video was epic and tear-jerkingly sad.

It was a good run, made all the better because of you and so many others.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

I've only been playing the game for a couple of years and my first exposure to your videos was when a friend of mine was super excited about being in a samuraiko video. I had no idea what they were talking about, but was directed to a bunch of them and watched through lots that night. They were great for getting me excited about this game, both seeing things that I already recognised and seeing the many things which I was yet to discover.

Thanks so much for all the great work that you've done in the game and all the best to you wherever you end up.

Dark_Respite I always thought you and Bloodspeaker both "got it" and by "it" I mean a sense of, not only what City of Heroes was/is, but what it could be. Your videos were certainly one reflection of that but they were just one (astounding) aspect of your contribution. I lost count of the number of times I said to myself "Yep Michelle's got the right idea. I sure hope somebody is listening." And you always seemed to express your views with a level of tact and self depreciation that left me in awe. I wish you the very best in all future endeavors.

Thank you, Samuraiko, for inspiring my friend to take a stab at leaving his comfort zone and become a YouTube videographer. The game was a big portion of what he wanted to do and the channel will continue once its closes. It took a lot of courage on his part, being a reclusive individual that he is, to break the comfort zone and start out on this path, but I can honestly say you were one of the key inspirations behind the effort. Thank you.

Thanks Michelle, for letting me be a part of the process. It was a hell of a lot of fun. And I got to look at a couple of my characters and go - "Did that really look as cool as I think it just did? Wow!"

Your videos got better and better. Choice of music. Camera angles, when to cut and when to roll. Your sense of timing. Most of all, the way in which it got to the point where I didn't feel like I was watching a machinima, but an actual short movie or trailer.

Michelle, you've gotten to the point, as driven home HARD in the most recent video - which leaves me in tears every time I watch it - that you can tell a story and make an audience FEEL with you as you tell that story.

Whatever you do from here on out, do NOT stop doing that. On the one hand, I wonder if that even needs saying, but on the other hand, I know how hard these last 3 months must have been for you. I want you to know, if you choose to do trailers or videos for another game, or go into film or animation, you have people who will cheer you on. Because we know you can succeed at it and we want you to.

And yes - must agree with Ascendant. Smile because it happened.

But it doesn't have to be over.

You found a passion in this game and that let you discover talents and skills to create and tell stories. That's what you take with you from here on. This section of your life - the game. That might be over. But you have a talent for story-telling, and I hope that you continue to develop it.

This is not goodbye. Because I can't wait to see what you'll do next!

All I can say right now is Thank You Sam!! Thank you for everything you did for us.

I remember seeing you at the Unity Rally. I told you how much you meant to me.

And then you joined SaveCoH, the global channel I made.

I freaked out. I mean, I really freaked out. I jumped out of my chair and waved my arms around. I didn't know how to react. I mean, it was you! Dark_Respite herself! The famous and amazing videographer, the demorecord-fu master, the paragon of the CoH machinima genre! And you had decided to grace us with your presence!

Samuraiko, you are my hero. Thank you so, so much for everything.

We had it all, and you were a part of it.

Thank you.

Good work, everyone. That's a wrap!

You will always be one of the "known " players of the game. Luck in the future.

We'll hopefully keep in touch via twitter.

But thank you for inspiring me to finally get into doing videos myself.

I've had to say goodbye to my family. And I've had to say goodbye to my country. I won't say goodbye anymore. Just, until we meet again, Michelle.

Love,

Jackie

Aloha, and hopefully we can create one last interesting thing for you to film.

Michelle, I hope you have some inkling of how much your amazing talents have enriched this game and the community. I can honestly say that one of my proudest moments in-game was finally getting a character into one of your videos. Good luck -- I know you'll do well in whatever creative pursuits lie in your future.

I'll stay subscribed to you on Youtube and still follow you on Twitter. You gave me additional incentives to pursue recording gameplay and videos, and I even worked for a company that made a recording client some years ago called WeGame. I got the team to add support to City of Heroes... and lo and behold you made an account there.

I know you mentioned logging in was too hard to do. I understand, and if your final video was the 'One Last Day' you have nothing to worry about, even though I would have loved to have seen Flint show up.

I can't wait to see videos for the other games you play. I hope you take a look at some of my latest videos as I take a different approach to the type you develop. I hope to improve to the point where you are proud of me, as silly as that may sound.

Thank you for all your hard work videos. If nothing else remains, I am sure that your videos will be there to remind us of City's greatness for years to come.

You were my first Youtube subscription, and for a long time, my only one. There was nothing else I was interested in enough to not want to miss a single release.

Your videos would pull me back into the game when I had drifted away from it, (as I have always been prone to drifting in and out of games) or further enliven my interest when I already was deeply into it. Your videos would be passed on to friends to pull them back into the game if they were off elsewhere. And then, at the end, your video made me cry, and cry far, FAR harder than I would have expected any video ever would or could.

Thank you for your creativity in documenting a game that has always been of great importance to me- yes, important to me even at those times I wasn't playing actively. Never uninstalled since beta. Always recommended to others, often using your videos. Your videos will be one of the few things we will have left to look back on.

Thank you for creating these memories, as that is what your videos will now be to me- memories of the game I'm scared to lose, as this was always the special place I could return to when my disability overwhelmed me and I needed to fly in the sky for a while.

Thank you.

You did good, and I hope you can continue the art endeavors in other media.

I'm kind of doing a tour of my characters this week (on beta, finally, once I realized I could... couple months late but eh, well, better late than never)...

Your farewell video inspired me. Rather than just letting things fade, I'm screenshotting and playing my characters one last time or two. And probably going to do that hoping-against-hope character extract thingy. Why not.

So... cheers!

Dark Respite: You da bomb!