Poems: Please Change the Statesman's Crotch Login Screen

Oh, Statesman’s Crotch

Oh, Statesman’s crotch, so wide, so broad,
So wide, so very broad.
So very, very wide and broad,
So wide, so very broad.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here
To stare at Statesman's massive crotch.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore —
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —
Either that or Statesman's crotch."

I met a traveller from a city of heroes
Who said:- On the login screen Statesman stands
Still invincible, in a Kirby pose
(But not, alas, an outstretched hand)
With feet apart and crotch displayed
His trademarked half-masked visage stern
Greeting both subscribers paid
And lapsed Premiums on their return.
And in a booming voice I think I hear:
"I am Statesman, paragon;
Look on my crotch, ye mighty, and know fear!"
Nothing else remains; Cole's met his fate
Story arc cutscenes, it seems clear,
Can kill even an immortal Incarnate.

A Limerick Ode to Statesman

There once was a hero from Paragon,
Whose presence seems now to be frowned upon.
As his splash screen displayed,
He screamed, much dismayed,
"My nads! OMG they're uh... GONE!"

Thrust into my face
The crotch of the late Statesman
Why must I see this?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Statesman's crotch -
Eeww.

There once was a man from Paragon City,
whose crotch was thrust in our faces,
thank god for /data/.




(I never said I was good. But really. Thank god for /data/ image replacement.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dispari I don't know why Dink thinks she's not as sexy as Jay was. In 5 posts she's already upstaged his entire career.

and i learned that
it was very flat
which made no sense
cuz my two cents
said it was supposed
to look like a nose...d...
covered with some spandex.

[I love you people. Almost as much as I hate the Statescrotch login screen. Which is scary love.]

I will arise and go now, and go to Statesman's crotch,
And a small cabin build there, of cup and spandex made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
Because it is so be'freak-loud wide.

Dreams (adapted from the poem by Langston Hughes)

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Much like Statesman's crotch.

Stateman's Crotch sat on a login wall
We kept wishing it would have a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
...
Well, they didn't like it either.

**Damien**

Can I try?

(After Shakespeare/Sonnet 130)

The Statesman's crotch is nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than his tights' red;
If bvds aren't tight, then he hath none.
And what about that faceplate on his head?
I have seen some costumes red and white,
No such thing do I see 'round his cheeks.
And in some images is more respite,
Than the unwholesome interest his costume piques.
I like to see him fight, though well I know,
I'd rather not look at him from the ground.
There's much I love about our game although
When splash screen loads I'm usu'lly not around.
So for the love of god, would you please change
The angle, or the splashscreen rearrange?

And here is my feeble attempt.

============================
Under a spreading chestnut tree
The City's Hero watch'd;
The Hero, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy crotch;
Mayhap putting it at the login screen
may well have been a botch.
============================

I'm a poet,
and I know it,
and my feet show it
They're Longfellows.

Which BTW is who I own an apology to for butchering The Village Blacksmith.

There still stood
with missing manhood
the man of state
with unknown fate

"To see crotch or not to see crotch?" THAT is the question.

And what smooth crotch, it's power gone at last,
slouches away from Statesman to much scorn.

We snicker as we stare at that
While our client loads
For while Statesman stands in heroic pose
His loins have been de-hosed.

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Statesman's crotch in forgetful snow, feeding
the login screen with dried tubers.

(with apologies to ts eliot)

Cold in the earth, and the deep snow piled above thee!
Far, far removed, cold in the dreary grave!
Have I forgot, my Only Crotch, to love thee,
Severed at last by Time's all-wearing wave? (Ouch.)

Now, when alone, do my thoughts no longer hover
By the submarine in Independence Port;
Resting their wings where heath and spandex cover
That noble crotch for ever, ever more?

No other Crotch has lightened up my heaven;
No other Crotch has ever shone for me:
All my life's bliss from thy dear crotch was given
All my life's bliss is in the grave with thee.


(Sorry, Emily.)