Those wacky NPCs!

So I was running some missions from Borea, doing my best to get in her pants... I mean... obsessively filling her compatibility meter... err... .

What do I find in my mission, but two Advanced Drones having a conversation:
[NPC] Advanced Drone: Guard Duty: Lacks Honor
[NPC] Advanced Drone: Profound Realization: You Complain

Now, this witty banter is funny by itself. It's even funnier when you consider the description of the drones:

Quote:

During the Rikti War these flying Drones swarmed all over the city's skies. Today these machines still sweep through the air with some frequency. Their quick evasive maneuvering, sophisticated scanners and powerful energy cannon make them a constant menace.

They're primarily recon/surveillance machines. Machines. One of which complains too much about guard duty.


Come, friends, as we once more share our stories of the witticisms the NPCs leave us with. In particular, lines which don't really suit the NPC saying them!

I blame their advanced AI and TV...possibly video games.

"With great moustache comes great responsibility" - Zee Captain

I like running newspaper missions which randomly grant Emblamed and Cadavers the ability to speak perfect and eloquent English.

My personal favorite was a Council arc about the Vampyri being scientifically transformed soldiers and running through the tunnels just to hear a Zenith hoverbot tell someone "I hope I'm chosen for the Vampyri program".

Rock on with your dreams, little Hoverbot!

Trying to compensate for exactly this phenomenon, in a comedic AE arc where Nemesis soldiers are posing as members of a marching band, I had a patrol say the following:

First patroller: Isn't someone going to notice? What about the Jaeger?
Second patroller: Quiet! Just march around and pretend to play an instrument!

The first time I tested the mission, both lines were spoken by, you guessed it, Jaeger.

Trolls suddenly speak fluent english, and Jumpbots and Clockwork develop speech capability in newspaper/radio missions.

It's quite amusing at times, though. I cant remember any really good ones, but there have been those that make me chuckle

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zwillinger GG, I would tell you that "I am killing you with my mind", but I couldn't find an emoticon to properly express my sentiment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Photon NOTE: The Incarnate System is basically farming for IOs on a larger scale, and with more obtrusive lore.

Every time I get a Carnival of Shadows Boss in a Newspaper mission talking about how hot Silver Mantis is, it makes the world a better place. And yet, every time a 4000 year old CoT Ghost Wizard in a stolen body, a Sky Raider Robot, or a Troll who suddenly speaks perfect english does the same thing, I have no such favorable reaction. Huh... crazy.

The now rather infamous

"Come on Girls, lets get them!"

From a group of Carnival of Shadows Strongmen.

Just brings to my mind the ending of blazing Saddles and makes me chuckle.

Or my other favorite mishap of a fake Nemesis saluting a Jaeger (text added by myself)

Occasionally I've seen Carnies in PI standing around with shotguns, saying "Got to hang tough."

I recall a scene I witnessed in Independence Port a while back. A Council guy was doing that "preaching to the mob" animation they do, talking about how "The Council is the pinnacle", and when I attacked him told everyone else to attack the hero. Except he was alone the whole time, and surrounded by large 5th Column spawns on every side; preaching the Council's greatness to thin air while surrounded by its rival. I think the poor guy's mind snapped when the rest of his cell went back to the 5th, and he's in denial talking to imaginary recruits. He probably goes home to his apartment and talks into his cellphone pretending that he's being given vital missions.

Just caught these ones in Sharkhead Isle when I aggroed Wolf Spiders that were holding people at gunpoint:

Wolf Spider Enforcer: I have a weapon pointed at a man's head and I'm in the middle of an interrogation. Did it ever occur to you that MAYBE trotting past like an elephant could be considered an intrusion?

Wolf Spider Huntsman: You I will deal with later. Captain Intrusion here is now on my No Witnesses list.

You know, I am still convinced that the best thing the Dev's could do is add a 5th Column Mekman hitting on a Clockwork Sprocket in Pocket D.

Just caught some decent ones in Faultline.

Some conversations between Freaks where one Freak is welding another:
Tank Swiper: Tryin' to drink here. Can you weld more carefully?
Freak Gunner: Man, I'm tellin' ya, you keep moving and I'm going to weld that to your eye.

Freak Gunner: You know I have this tool here that burns stuff real bad right? Okay, so maybe you wanna stop moving around?
Chief Smasher: Oh quit your whining. I'm kneeling here like a statue.

Chief Swiper: This newspaper is flammable. It burns, man. Watch it, will ya?

Some Arachnos trying to bargin with the Freakshow:
Wolf Spider Enforcer: Well, I won't be extorted by some metallic psychopath in makeup. If you think those strong-arm tactics are going to work, think again. Do you even KNOW who Lord Recluse is?

Wolf Spider Enforcer: I can see I'm speaking above you here. Let's try something a little simpler: me give you good price. Ok?

A Wolf Spider after I agroed him:
Wolf Spider Assault: Didn't we just do this? I could have sworn not ten minutes ago I beat up a hero that looked JUST like you.

A PPD arresting 2 Lost:
SWAT Officer: You realize that's a small car, right? How did you even FIT in there?

What, and no sharing?

"Yes! I won again! Strange it only pays out in twenties though...."

I have a quote from a male NPC in Atlas Park...
Darrell: Well, this obviously must stop! I've had my purse stolen many times!

Longbow Sergeant: I see. Well, that must have been very frightening for you. The purse was black, you say?

I actually had to stop and take a second look at the NPC. Darrell was, in fact, a male NPC complaining about his purse being stolen many times.

My favorite quote was from a CoT Soul Mage just after I Force Bolted him off a very high roof.
Soul Mage: Not again!

How many times has he been tossed off the roof?

Funny in context (Krylov's kidnap mission):

Victim: "Are you leading me to safety?"

To my 8 foot, bat winged, horned skull faced, leather and chains and skulls and spikes clad brute; who's also on fire. Why, yes, he's here to rescue you! That's the first thing I'd think of running into a guy like that.