Help with Helping

My girlfriend has become interested in the game and I'm trying to help her play and I don't seem to be doing a good job. We're waiting on the laptop I ordered (should be here in a week or so) and we can play together, but right now she is playing and I'm providing "backseat driver" help. I don't seem to be doing very good. I can't imagine I'm the first to do this (although anything's possible), any suggestions?

It's hard to say, without knowing more about what/how you're doing apart from "not good"

I think the key is, don't try to force her to play the way you do, but focus on helping her find out how she likes to play. Start with finding out her goals, or at least getting an idea of what she'd like to see/do. From there, help her by giving her tips, while avoiding specifically trying to control how she does things.

Praise success, and minimize failures. If she makes a mistake, sympathize. If it's the same mistake you made when you were starting, say so.

My girlfriend and I like to talk and plan out our pairs of characters. We remain flexible, and try to accomplish some of each of our goals in each play session. We pretty clearly line up how each pair is going to be played (strictly together, together except a few times, or together or apart whichever seems more fun). Level Pacts have made our game a lot more fun. We still have our own characters, but almost everything we make is pacted so we can share. We like leveling up apart so we can give each other "pressie levels" sometimes.

That's just some general advice. If you want to describe where you're running into difficulty I'll be back to this thread soon.

Guide to getting your non-gamer wife to play

Good help and yes, I need to be more specific, but wanted to "test the waters" before I went into detail. Two immediate areas that I think are probelmatic are controls and understanding (God this feels like I'm talking to Dr Drew). First, huge problem is controls. Let me first say I've tried to say at least a billion times how bad I sucked (and maybe still suck, comparatively) with movement and "controlling" my char. However, my girlfriend has the prob of not wanting to use "both hands" (can't seem to avoid sex metaphors) when controlling her char. She moves using one hand and attacks using the same hand. I have also told her how I used to do the same thing and she needs to try to use both hands but doesn't seem to be working. I guess I need to be patient on this one. The understanding might be the tough one. I mean the understanding of the game. I've told her about the abundant resources for the game (online resources), but I think she'd rather rely on me for info. This one might be a suck it up and deal with it, which I'm prepared to do, just thought I'd throw it out there.

As far as the movement keys go, show her the Keybind menu in the Options screen, and, if she's up to it, teach her how to use /bind. My girlfriend can't do the WASD thing, so she set up her keybinds, and as she found things she couldn't do in Options, I helped her set up binds and macros. Her setup is, IMO, insane... But it works for her.

Why does it matter that she uses the same hand to control movement and attacks? Is that "wrong"? It may be slower or feel amazingly awkward to you, Vinque, but if it's working for her, let it be. If she is finding it a problem, then use some of the suggestions offered by others here.

If she hasn't played an MMO before, there is actually a bit of a learning curve here - I know, because this was my first MMO 5 years ago. Stuff like "binds" is pretty exotic and it may be too soon to try those. I didn't know what a bind was when I first started playing and I still don't use them now.

But I found a way of moving that works for me, and a way of setting up my powers trays that works for me, and I always use the Arrow keys to move and click the power icons to attack, etc. It's probably a "noob" way to do it, but it was the easiest for me to "get". She will find the way that works best for her - let her experiment a bit until she gets the hang of of it.

You may just have to let go of your own ideas about the "best" or "most efficient" way to use controls, etc.

Help her find some other friends who are patient in answering questions in game, and she will turn to them in addition to you for all the other stuff you mentioned. At first she will probably be focussed on getting hang of the "how" of playing, but she might get more into the details over time (and then go check out the Wiki, etc.).

But some people will never try to use the on-line resources. It took me several months to find the forums and then a few more before I found the Wiki - but again, I was new to MMOs and never realized their purpose. I didn't know that these sources of info were way, way more helpful than any manual that came with the game or the in-game "help". Note: My Reg date here is actually about 6 months after starting to play.

If she doesn't want to use them and is never interested in the rich backstory and just wants to "flip out and kill stuff", that's a perfectly valid way of playing as well.

I guess my advice about helping is to back off a bit and give it time.

One thing about movement - I personally move with WASD, using the mouse to aim the camera. I attack with the regular number keys, which is the same hand as the WASD keys, but it doesn't slow me down at all as I'm used to it. So basically ignore what she is doing on the kyboard unless she specifically asks for help with something on the keyboard.

The only thing I would ask/show her is about the Alt and Ctrl keys and how they act as shortcuts to the second and third main power tray.

The movement thing would be the least of my concerns as far as helping her goes. If it works for her, it's fine.

I'm a pure keyboard player, I only use the mouse when I'm forced to to click on someting or drop a patch power. Otherwise I set up my trays and use the number keys for my powers, with Alt+number for the second tray being the less used powers. I use the arrow keys for movement and my left thumb rests on the space bar, where it can easily hit the alt key for a tray 2 power. It works great for me, and I've been doing it so long now that it is instinctive.

My wife plays with WASD and the mouse, clicking the powers in her tray with the mouse as well. It seems awkward and clunky to me, but it is intuitive for her, so it's not even an issue. The only advantage my control style seems to have is in PvP, where reaction time matters, and since she doesn't PvP, it isn't a detriment to her.

Basically, be helpful, but keep your mouth shut as much as possible. Don't explain how every little thing works unless she asks. Be a resource instead of an instructor. There is a very high likelyhood she will not play the game the same as you, remember that SHE is playing and not you, Her way is the best way for her to play, not yours.

I sometimes forget that my wife is every bit as knowledgable about the game as I am, and put my foot in my mouth telling her something she already knew, or purposefully did differently. That ruins her enjoyment when she feels like I'm telling her how to play, and makes me feel like a jerk when I realize I'm being overbearing. Trust me, getting into an argument over a video game is about the dumbest thing ever, and it would behoove you to avoid it.

I agree with the above posts. She'll figure out movement quickly enough, don't worry about it too much. I do have one specific bit of advice. If you're playing redside at all, suggest she roll up a stalker.

The second character I ever made (and first villain) was a stalker. I had no idea at all what I was doing, and her build eventually got so screwed up I chose to re-roll her rather than try and respec that rat's nest of bad choices, but having Hide, and being able to run around (and learn *how* to run around), take in the sights, listen to dialogue and just generally enjoy and learn the game without worrying about a bunch of purple-cons beating me into the ground because I ran around the wrong corner was a great experience.

That toon taught me more about the game than anything else. Things like "take Stamina" and "Council bases have jails" came later, and that's stuff she can figure out on her own, or get from you without it seeming like a lecture.

One rule: being right is not always the right thing. Different strokes for different folks, so some things are definitely not worth disagreeing on.


If you ignore rule 1, wear a helmet.

Lemur has mentioned a few things about us learning to play together and I will weigh in with some thoughts of my own as the learnee.

Lemur has done a great job of meeting me where I am at with the game. He's right, I don't love CoH, which pains him and for his sake I do really, really try. I just can't get around having more fun playing other games but that just doesn't work for US. I do, however, love playing with him.

Here are some things that worked for me and didn't.

Getting around CoH is still the thing that frustrates me most. No matter what key set-up I try it still feels clunky for me. I move with my mouse and fight with my right hand most of the time. I also invert the camera. I tried setting things up the way I played SWG years ago and I set my screen up as close as possible to how it would look in WoW. Once I realized this worked for me, Lemur helped me figure out keybinds to keep me from auto-running or flying when I used my mouse for prolonged travel. So, while people are telling you not to worry about how she uses the keyboard or mouse, having Lemur help me work it out was the single biggest obstacle we over came. Who wants to play when just trying to move makes them want to quit forever? The key is finding out how to help her move the way she wants to move. Fortunately, Lemur could remember the default set-up for SWG and was able to work with me there. I am not sure how much time he spent on the forums searching for a way to stop the auto-move that would happen when I used the mouse and he will likely never tell me.

A main difference between Lemur and I is this; I play for US, he plays because he loves CoH. I have fun when I play, don't get me wrong, there are things I like a lot. This means one important thing though when we play, quite often I am more interested in playing casually, chatting between fights, character hopping, changing plans when something interesting comes along or quitting completely to go snog on the couch. We both have to be flexible. Sometimes I have to go with the momentum we have and let him 'be in the game' and sometimes its just something for us to do together while I decompress to him about my horrible day at work. He is very good about taking a deep breath, pulling his head out of the game and putting me first. He also takes time to stop and compliment me on new costumes and character concepts and this is a great source of fun for us. As he said before, developing characters and ideas together is the glue that keeps ups playing together. As silly as it is, I am always proud to be out in gameland with him as his partner and I am happy when we are on two characters that obviously look good and play well together.

I will re-advice some things Lemur said. Make her feel smart, accomplished, let her know that she's the funnest person you know and let her know she's got the sexxiest character in Pocket D. Its hard to worry that Lemur could be having more fun with someone else or that he'd had better game partners in the past who were more into the game and better players. Those sorts of feelings can carry over outside of game time and bum out the relationship and that's the last thing you want to do. The game is expendable, your relationship is not.

Lemur's tells reminding me how to get places helps a lot, even when I grump at him "I know that." I am only interested in learning enough about the game to get through a play session with him. My "real" life is far too stressful, too busy, too full of responsibility and too interesting to make the game into work or effort. I like borrowing Lemur's brain to store game stuff in and I like that he's available to be my easy button. He's learned not to lecture me or to try and make it stick and I've learned to focus when its important to him.

Try and be what she wants more than what she needs when it comes to the game. If she wants you to slot all her builds so she doesn't have to think about it, do it, make her happy then oo and aah over how powerfull she is. You might also by her something big and shiny for her favorite character. You might also have to let her know how big and shiny it is.

Let her be in the spotlight sometimes. Lemur can pretty much solo everything. He never needs me. Its nice sometimes though when he lets me FEEL needed. When you play with her, don't run off to the next group until the last guy is down. It sucks to be left whacking away on one guy while your partner is off creaming a whole crunchy group alone. It also sucks to be half a map behind while your partner runs ahead and gets started on the action. (one tip Lemur gave me that helped with this is to have the map window open) I had to play around with a lot of travel powers until I found ones that worked for me. Superspeed is too fast, flying is slow...jumping was just right, in the beginning. I do fine with Superspeed now though.

I always forget to turn off my toggles when I first enter a mission and Lemur is good about NOT reminding me sometimes. I will figure it out for myself when I constantly have no endurance. He won't let me die from it though.

Lemur also helps us avoid maps or mobs that I hate as much as possible. Its a good use of his vast game knowledge and I appreciate it a lot.

I tried a lot of characters before something stuck and it happened to be a fire/fire dominator. I realized ranged characters were much easier for me than melee and compensated for some of the clunkiness I felt when trying to navigate.

On a side note, if she's not meeting people to play with, Lemur and I play on Pinnacle and would be happy to hang with her.

OP: Whenever someone new comes to the forums, I restrict myself to mentioning one thing they should know.

You might want to do the same... one unrequested piece of advice per night. It's amazing how much fun you can have even if you're not perfectly optimized and deeply knowledgeable about the game. Sometimes there are problems (my first character was a scrapper who didn't have mez protection till level 33 or so... my second was an En/Fire blaster. That's a terrible combination TODAY- imagine it when the tier 1 took twice as long to go off.) But sometimes there's really only RAR! and BOOM! and STAB! and WIN!

If there's RAR! and BOOM! and STAB! and LOSE! you might want to roll up a support character for duoing. Rad/Sonic defenders are justly famous.