Bo Bindel's Big time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
APRIL 27, 2005
Bo Bindel put on favorite shirt -- "I HEART SKYWAY CITY" -- and go see Mary Helen as big-time Jutal now. Bo Bindel get there and he see all kapes flying around.
Bo Bindel no like to see kape with Mary Helen. Bo Bindel beat chest real big-time beat so kapes make like a tree and get out.
Turn out kapes no like to see Bo Bindel with Mary Helen either. Big-time rumble.
Now, Bo Bindel mad...go get him back-up against kape jerks. Who Bo Bindel see but Freudal.
Bo Bindel think fast, real big-time fast. Tell Freudal we got to smash and crash kape jerks real bad over Superdine. But Freudal already hear Bo Bindel strike-out with Mary Helen AND get clobbered by kape jerk.
Freudal tell everybody! Bo Bindel no want to be negative, but Bo Bindel lose his composure for just one moment.
#@%@##$ Freudal! Telling everybody in this $#$@* one-horse, $@$^* po-dunk, !$^@#% backwoods, tiny-a@# town about Bo Bindel striking out with Mary Helen and getting beat up by @##$@@! kape-jerk before I get a $@# chance to round up a @#$$@! crew to get revenge on those #!^%$ cape jerks by telling my @#$$Z friends that this all over @##$@ Superdine instead of a @##@$@ girl! Don't anyone in this @#@#$ one-horse, @##$@ po-dunk, @##$@ backwoods, tiny-a$@, @##@$ town know to keep @#$@ mouth shut about @#$@#$# big-time Jutal Bo Bindel's harmless crush on Mary Helen!?
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
APRIL 28, 2005
COT stuck-up.
Bo Bindel leaving probation officer meeting. Bo Bindel on elevator with COT man.
Bo Bindel no like uncomfortable silences. Bo like a little conversation.
So, Bo say, "COT's Behemoth Overlord kind of like chicken. They got wings but they no fly.
"If Bo Bindel had wings, Bo Bindel fly all time. Bo Bindel probably fly above Atlas statue and drop little Bo Bindel presents on statue of boy scout.
"Kape jerk up there getting Top Dog Badge, and Bo Bindel above with Troll droppings for kape jerk. Bo Bindel say, 'Hey, Kape Jerk! How you like last night deviled eggs!?'"
Bo Bindel laugh so hard thinking about it he have to dry eyes on COT man's fancy dress. Still, COT man say nothing Bo Bindel.
COT stuck-up.
Bo Bindel's Big Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
APRIL 29, 2005
(Bo Bindel's Big-Time Disclaimer: Bo Bindel want to say up-front that sleeping disorder serious business affecting mill..., hun..., thou.... Bo Bindel not exactly know the number but pretty sure it a lot.)
BO BINDEL:
Okay, Bo Bindel big-time Jutal now. Beovark and Svrgyn, you guys Bo Bindel's friends. That make us crew. Bo Bindel got idea to make crew and Trolls big-time money.
Jimmy Foster's ex-girlfriend tell Bo Bindel that Jimmy Foster dypsomniac. That mean he sleep with eyes open. First time ex-girlfriend see, she big-time freak out. Before Jimmy Foster took G-7, he work as security guard. Sleep all night at warehouse and make money. Bo Bindel's crew gonna start a security company. Hire all dypsomniacs. Businesses all over town get ripped off by Bo Bindel crew while security guards sleep. Any questions?
BEOVARK:
What G-7?
BO BINDEL:
Bo Bindel not know. Next question.
SVRGYN:
Why not Bo Bindel crew just steal stuff without front security guard company of dypso-maniacs?
BO BINDEL:
No. Next question.
SVRGYN:
Why not Bo Bindel crew just sell Superdyne?
BO BINDEL:
'Cause Bo Bindel stay up most of night thinking about 'dis.
BEOVARK:
Why not we just take crowbars and smash into cars?
BO BINDEL:
Raaaaawrrrr! Look, Jimmy Foster talk about thing called box. Beovark and Svrgyn in box. Bo Bindel outside of box. That where you need to be.
SVRGYN:
Box not big enough for three Trolls?
BEOVARK:
What box dimensions?
BO BINDEL:
Is no box!
BEOVARK:
Beovark think he speak for all Trolls in box when he say Beovark and Svrgyn don't know what Bo Bindel talking about?
SVRGYN:
If box can't fit three Trolls, how we gonna fit dypso-maniacs in box?
BEOVARK:
Beovark thought Dypso-Maniacs new street gang in Bricks?
BO BINDEL:
Bo Bindel hungry. Bo Bindel crew take power lunch now. Crew remind Bo Bindel to phone conf... phone conf... call Jimmy Foster about box. Small-time Jimmy Foster clear up box non-issue.
Obviously I have spent too much of my time trying to educate Freakshows. I had no idea the Trolls were this desperate for some Kape-Teaching.
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 2, 2005
Dear Skyway City Mayor, Big-Time Councilman Guy or Whatever,
Bo Bindel writing in regard to city's Clockwork problem. These Tesla cages...take Bo forever to get anywhere!
Bo Bindel
P.S. When you cut grass, you bag or mulch?
I feel bad when I have to beat up Trolls now. Each time I think... what if this is Bo Bindel.
[ QUOTE ]
I feel bad when I have to beat up Trolls now. Each time I think... what if this is Bo Bindel.
[/ QUOTE ]
Gjoger already beat him up on the first page 
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 3, 2005
Bo Bindel sad. Troll politics. Big-time bosses ask Bo Bindel to send Svrgyn to party. Skulls at party. No Bo Bindel. No Beovark. Just Svrgyn and Skull bullets if Skull still mad about Bo Bindel inci... Bo Bindel inci... Bo smash Skulls.
No send Bo 'cause Bo Jutal. Sending Svrygyn as bait. If Skulls attack. Atta know we got two-front war -- Outcasts and Skull. Of course Skull attack. This Paragon City. Everyone attack!
Bo Bindel break news to Svrgyn. Tell him, "Either way, Svrgyn have good time at party. 'Kay?"
But Bo Bindel no send Svrgyn empty handed. Give him CD. Tell him make sure party play CD.
"What CD?" Svrgyn ask.
"Rikti subliminal CD", say Bo. "Bo pull strings for Svrgyn. Get Svrgyn CD. Play CD. Everyone at party turn to pussycat. Svrgyn big-time smash if Svrgyn need to crash way out. Bo Bindel, Beovark and Trollkin twins wait outside.
"Don't get caught with CD. CD illegal."
Svrgyn ask, "Why Rikti CD illegal but Jewel operate with impugnity?"
"Bo Bindel not know," Bo say.
[ QUOTE ]
"Rikti subliminal CD", say Bo.
[/ QUOTE ]
Wow. I can't believe you said "subliminal." I know Kapes who can't say that word.
this is the funniest [censored].
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 4, 2005
JULIUS THE TROLL:
Bo Bindel, why Bo Bindel bring camera?
BO BINDEL:
Bo Bindel starting new magazine. First magazine 'bout Troll, by Troll, for Troll. Magazine have all aspects of being Troll covered: hollowing out places, beating chest, throwing rock. It all there.
JULIUS THE TROLL:
What magazine called?
BO BINDEL:
Uh...Troll's Life. Julius the Troll always on bridge (talking to kape.) Bo Bindel want Julius the Troll on bridge to be first cover.
JULIUS THE TROLL:
Julius don't know. Julius like to keep low profile.
BO BINDEL:
Oh, Bo Bindel know Julius like to keep profile big-time low. But so panoramic on bridge in Hollows with the sun and the moon and the water. If this Troll radio show, Bo not ask. But this magazine. This visual....
JULIUS THE TROLL:
Okay. Okay.
BO BINDEL:
Big-time photo of big-time Julius right there on bridge! Uh, not quite right. Take step back.
JULIUS THE TROLL:
Here?
BO BINDEL:
No, Julius take couple more back be better.
JULIUS THE TROLL:
Here?
BO BINDEL:
One more back maybe.
JULIUS THE TROLL:
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee. ..?
BO BINDEL
Bye bye, Julius. Bo save for you space in da' obituraries.
Issues come and go. Bo Bindel is forever.
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 5, 2005
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Agenda
Bo Bindel Crew
2nd Meeting
Two or Three Teen Titans from Today
To attend:
Bo Bindel
Beovark
Svrgyn (if Svrgyn not dead)
I. Bo Bindel's notes on what small-time Jimmy Foster say about box.
II. Where to find dypsomniacs for front security guard-company.
III. Pinckney & Son Troll kind of law firm!!!
IV. Discuss meeting in Inde-whatever Port with White-Knuckle Rossi.
V. Who got car?
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 6, 2005
Ow! Stupid Clock.
Ow! Stupid Clock.
Ow! Stupid Clock.
See 'da fender!? See 'da fender, boy!? You want fender!? You want fender don't you, Clock!? Go get it! Get 'da fender, boy! Good, boy!
Stupid Clock.
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 9, 2005
crew- (krue) n. A group of people working together; a gang: ie: "A crew of stagehands...."
stage·hand- (stajehand)n. A worker who shifts scenery, adjusts lighting, and performs other tasks required in a theatrical production: ie: "The stagehand working the V--ina Monologues is very talented."
So, Bo Bindel try to explain what crew is to Beovark and Svrgyn. Still they complain about Bo Bindel's security-guard-of-dypsomniacs idea.
But you know Bo Bindel by now. Bo Bindel always hold ace. Bo Bindel got news from Atta that Svrgyn don't have go to Skull party now. Atta call whole thing off. (Bo Bindel not know why; politics even in Trolls.) So, Bo Bindel tell Beovark and Svrgyn to go along with idea and Svrgyn no have to go to Skull party.
Beovark big-time jerk! Beovark say, "Beovark still no want Beovark doing dypso-maniac idea."
Svrgyn beat chest real big-time beat. Svrgyn say, "Raaaaaaawwrrrrrrrrr!!"
Now, Beovark and Svrgyn big-time fighting. Bo Bindel make note: take big rocks out of meeting room...maybe.
Bo Bindel is my favoritest troll evah!
"Looks like we arrived in the nick of time. What does that make us?"
"Big damn heroes, sir."
"Ain't we just."
-Mal & Zoe, "Firefly"
This would be the only blog I would ever read in the history of blogs...
Bo is ma Kape jerk! 
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 10, 2005
(Bo Bindel's Big-Time Disclaimer: Bo Bindel realize that Chinese restaurant owner speak English lot better than Bo speak Chinese/English.)
BO BINDEL GOT HIM REPEL!
Bo Bindel at Feng-Shui's Super King China Buffet with Trollkin Twins -- Attavel and Attagard. Bo Bindel recapping less-than-pleasant dining experience with owner.
Bo say to Mr. Shui, "So, Bo in line at buffet. Bo see you got hard boiled eggs. Bo think, 'China Buffet off to good start.' Then, Bo Bindel see hard boiled eggs cut in half the long way. Think to self, 'Bo like where this is going.' Then, no mayonaise mixed in center. Yolk dry like crap!"
Mr. Shui say, "Bo Bindel, why you keep coming here!? I tell you, Bo Bindel, stop coming! You still owe me from last 37 time you eating! Bo Bindel always make trubboh! Troll walk in, customer all leave!"
Then, Tsoo ninja tattoo men come in. Big-time interrupt Bo Bindel. Tsoo talk 'bout protection money from Super King China Buffet.
Bo Bindel no care 'bout Tsoo business. Bo Bindel in middle of free marketing advice for Mr. Shui. Bo beat-chest, figure Tsoo get the message.
No.
Flying stars going everywhere. Small-time Trollkins leave gun in car. We trip over vat of fortune cookie trying to get out.
Bo Bindel sliding, sliding on fortune cookies. Grab nearest thing Bo Bindel can find. At time, was fortune cookies.
Bo Bindel throwing hard -- big-time hard -- gobs and gobs of pre-packaged fortune cookie at Tsoo. Turn out, enough of those air-tight packets pop on Tsoo at once, fortune cookie got knock-back!
So, next time you see Bo Bindel in Skyway City, Bo Bindel may have whole lot of Mr. Shui's fortune cookies in pocket. Bo Bindel got kape jerk's fortune right here. It say....
BO BINDEL GOT HIM REPEL!
21 02 15 47 73 39
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 11, 2005
Bo Bindel say to friend Jimmy Foster, "Small-time Jimmy Foster, walk Bo Bindel again through why Mary Helen no like Bo."
"Okay," small-time say. "Mary Helen likes a guy named Beauregard Billingsworth III. Beauregard and I use to work the streets as small-time hustlers -- the three-card monte, the pigeon drop, the Jamaican switch, short-change -- all that. Then, the Rikti invasion happened. Everything goes to h-ll and every small-time thug on the streets is walking around with super powers or a bazooka. So, I got out and took the G-7 and Beauregard started taking Superdine."
Bo say, "Bo Bindel like this Beauregard guy already. Taking G-7....? That like taking Superdine?"
"No not really," Foster say. "Any-hoo, this Beauregard Billingsworth the III, he was such a good street hustler people used to call him 'Bo Bindle' as in, 'I got swindled and bo bindled!' Do you get where I'm going with this?"
"Bo think so," me say. "We go smash this Beauregard guy so Mary Helen like Bo Bindel instead!"
"No, Bo," say Jimmy Foster. "YOU are Beauregard Billingsworth the III. Mary Helen liked you the way you used to be. Haven't you ever noticed I call your mom Ms. Billingsworth?"
"Bo no know," me say. "Jimmy Foster give me headache with all this small-time talk. Bo got extra ticket to go game. Mary Helen no want to go. Small-time Jimmy Foster go to game with Bo Bindel?"
"Yeah, small-time Foster go to game with Bo Bindel," small-time say.
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 12, 2005
Bo Bindel been writing Big-Time Diry over month now. As you can imag... im ...ima. Ugggh! ...THINK, Bo Bindel get many letters and emails from kape jerk wanting to know more 'bout Troll, and Troll lifestyle. (Girl keep asking if Trollkin twins single. Answer: Bo no know. Bo no really care too much 'bout Trollkins.)
So, Bo try to answer kape jerk question every so often. Shut kape jerk up. Dr. Neuro-whatever ask:
"Dear Mr. Bindel:
First let me say that we reverers of truth, justice and the American way over at G.I.F.T find a delightful guilty pleasure in your misbegotten little rants. Around the watercooler at M.A.G.I., you're known as 'The Droll Troll'.
I'm sure the irony is not lost on you that in the German Austrian region of Western Europe, the people's forefathers were telling grisly tales to their siblings of trolls living in the woods with regenerative abilities. Well, here we are in the cradle of moderninity and we have trolls in this very locale!
My question to you, Mr. Bindel, is this: though most of our knowledge of mythical trolls stems from the Bavarian culture, with their names descending from early Gothic, the names of Trolls today seem to be of Scandinavian influence, a language derived from a different region entirely. Can you clear up as to whether this is a transgression on today's Trolls part, or a case of the Bavarians borrowing mythos from the Scandinavians, ala the Romans to the Greeks? Thank you so much for putting this debate between Lord Rectificator and I to rest.
Regards,
Dr. Neuromancy
P.S. Further adding to the confusion is that Atta -- your 'biggest-big time Troll' as you so eloquently put it -- is actually the title of an early German poem by Heinke that drew parallels between political engagement and aesthetics in early Austrian life."
Bo Bindel hungry.
Bo Bindel speak in third person in disturbing fashion
"I'm sorry. That data is SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected."
"What!? This is madness!"
"No, this is SPARDA."
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 13, 2005
"So, according to small-time Jimmy Foster, that what box mean," Bo Bindel say.
Svrgyn don't say thing. Svrygyn no like Skull bullets any more than Bo Bindel do.
Always Beovark gotta make big-time problem. Beovark say, "What 'bout Crest mouthwash?"
"What 'bout Crest mouthwash?", Bo Bindel say.
"Proctor Gamble big-time congolmerate," say Beovark. "Everything Proctor Gamble do make money. Proctor Gamble do big-time research on thinking out of box. Plan to make Crest mouthwash. P&G research and development say Crest mouthwash won't make money. Go back to just toothpaste. Proctor Gamble in box."
"That different," Bo Bindel say. "Jimmy Foster say consumer associate one benefit with one product. Consumer think, 'Crest no fresh breath. Crest big-time cavity protection!' So, Crest no do good with mouthwash. If Close-Up toothpaste come out with mouthwash, that different story."
"Svrgyn think they got Close-Up mouthwash at Troll hideout," Svrgyn say.
"What Close-Up mouthwash taste like?" Bo Bindel want to know.
"Taste like Close-Up," say Svrgyn.
"That make sense," say Bo.
"Well", say Beovark. "What 'bout New Coke? New Coke out of box and New Coke big-time suck."
"Jimmy Foster probably say Coke have big time success 'cause anywhere in world you buy one Coke one price any time," guess Bo Bindel. "All cost the same. All taste the same. Consumer feel big-time betrayed by New Coke."
"Bo Bindel got all these examples of big-time company losing big-time money by thinking out of box," say Beovark. "Why not Bo Bindel crew just make money inside of box?"
"Look, Beovark make some good point, Bo Bindel give that to Beovark," say Bo Bindel. "But bottom line is this: stealing stuff without front-security-guard-company of dypsomniacs, selling Superdyne, kidnap, that all well and good, but Freudel already doing all that stuff. Bo Bindel crew gotta be better than Freudel crew or why Bo Bindel crew do anything?"
Beovark say, "That pretty stupid reason to think out of box!"
Bo Bindel sick of Beovark! Bo Bindel go to big-time smack Beovark! Beovark duck and Bo Bindel big-time smack Svrgyn. Svrgyn beat chest. Go to poke Bo Bindel in eyes with fingers. Bo Bindel line up hand with nose and big-time block Svrgyn.
Beovark big-time laughing. That make Svrgyn big time mad. Svrgyn rock arms and pump legs big-time quick standing in place. Stick fist out. Beovark smack Svrgyn fist. Svrgyn fist land on Svrgyn head.
Bo Bindel remember he mad at Beovark. Beovark get Momma Bindel's tweezers and grab Beovark by nose-hair. Drag Beovark to work bench and put head in vice.
Svrgyn still standing in one place rocking arm and pumping leg making 'woo woo woo' noise.
This happen every time Bo Bindel crew! Bo Bindel try to create professional atmosphere, but Bo Bindel crew end up acting like three... three... Ugh! Bo Bindel can't think of word for it.
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 16, 2005
*phone message<beep!>*
"Helloooooooooooo, Mr. Bindel! It's Dr. Neuromancy! I am calling to tell you that Lord Rectificator has just been named Captain of Her Royal Fleet by the Dutchess of Parsippany. Now, Lord Rectificator is so heroic, that he doesn't want me to tell anyone about his new title. But I am...AS A PRAC-TI-CAL JOKE! Ohhhhhhhh the tomfoolery!
But on an important note, Lord Rectificator's new name will be Cap'n Comeuppance. He assures me that he will be re-leveling to a respectable status shortly, and this won't affect his duties here nor abroad. So please:
1) Update your contact information to include the captain's new name and rank, and...
2) Note that the new battlecry will be, 'Your going to get your comeuppance, dear boy. Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. You will have your comeuppance not withstanding.'
Thank you, Mr. Bindel! Dr. Neuromancy here! Signing off!"
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
MAY 17, 2005
May big-time Nielsen ratings month. Bo Bindel make list of show Bo like to see:
1. History Channel always go back million year. Do re-enactment of what caveman had for breakfast. How 'bout documentary of Benjamin Franklin Troll hunting dinosaur?
2. "When Plants Attack! Devoured Earth Gone Wild" What you waiting for, Nielsen? Ton of pre-existing footage keep overhead low.
3. "Zombie's Paradise" by Coolio Eidolon get Bo's head bobbin'. What 'bout him with white dude in cop show? Sound like no miss.
4. "Kape Jerk Survivor"...take kapes to island. Leave them there. What? 'Dat the show.
5. Whatever happen to John Saxon? White dude in "Enter the Dragon" kick much butt. Bring him back to kick crap out of Ryan Seacrest. 'Seacrest...out!' Saxon...in!
That enough ideas for now. Bo Bindel...out!
Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
APRIL 26, 2005
Drums Wanted!! Back-Up Sing Wanted!!
Also look for:
Bass Play Wanted!! Lead Guitar Wanted!! Rithim Guitar Wanted!! Lead Sing Wanted!! Keyboarder Wanted!!
BO BINDEL & 'DA TROLLERS here to rock you! Call Bo Bindel to join! He listed (...under Momma Bindel.)