Fire_Wa11

(Some writing here too. http://www.justiceforce.com/forums/i...?showtopic=962 Apologies in advance to Xanatos; had to go for the funny!)

Beovark: Hi, my name is Beovark.

Everyone: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Beoooooovaaaaaaaark!

Beovark: ...and I'm a sugarholic.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 10, 2005

Me drive and drive and drive. Finally me get to scrap yard with Baby Clock and we going outside.

"Go free, Baby Clock," me tell it. "Svrgyn going to medical school and them no like Clocks in hospitals.

"Bo Bindel bring you here cuz you got all this great stuff to play with. Look, Baby Clock. It miles and miles of broken helicoptors, uprooted power generators, overturned delivery trucks; acres and acres of all kindsa widgets and stuff. You gonna' be in heaven."

Me start walking back to car. Bo no wanna turn around cuz me know as soon as I do him gonna be....

Bah! There he is. Him following right behind Bo like a loyal little tin soldier with those sad puppy-dog eyes.

"You gonna stop looking at Bo like that, Baby Clock," me say. "Come on now. You gonna love it here.

"Alright. Get in the car."
---------------------------------

And so....

Bo Bindel and Baby Clock head down that long windey road, and off into the sunset....

Before returning for something shiney in the rearview mirror that they fight for all the way....

Down that long windey road, and off into the sunset.

THE END

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 10, 2005

"Hey, Bo," say Svrgyn. "Remember that time we let loose all the Clockwork Knights on the kidney dialysis floor of the hospital?"

"Heh. Heh." Say Bo, "Yeah."

"And remember that time when Beovark couldn't recognize his reflection for a week and kept smashing windows some stuff."

"Yeah. Heh. Heh," me say.

"And remember at Troll Twins, initiation we tape 'kik me' sign to Dunnovel? Crippleganger following him around all day with him big feet," Svrgyn asking.

"Ha. Hah. Ha. Hah," say Bo.

"Yeah, we had some good times, Bo," Svrgyn say. "And about my attendance problem lately...."

"You no nevermind about that," say Bo. "We got too much stuff going on with Junior missing and Beovark gone. It okay but you gotta make it in."

"That's the thing, Bo," say Svrgyn. "This whole time I been secretly studying, and...and....

"I've been accepted to medical school," him say.

"Holy crap you gotta be kidding, Bo?"

"No," say Svrgyn. "It true."

"Ooooh, the amount of crap I'm gonna get for this," me say.

Then Bo Bindel think for a second. Me calm down.

"That's it," say Bo. "It's over. We gonna' dis-assem...dis-assem...dis-a.... Rah! Bo Bindel crew done!"

"What," ask Svrgyn. "You can't break up the gang on accounta' me!"

"It not on account of you, Svrgyn," say Bo. "But Troll Twins, them guys got a lot goin' on. The Troll p-rn and everything. 'Dem very talented Trolls and no gonna need Bo Bindel sooner or later. Them all I got left, so...."

"Oh, man, Bo," say Svrgyn. "This weighing big-time heavy on Svrgyn's heart now."

"We all proud of you, Svrgn. Wow. Bo Bindel friend Svrgyn first Troll to go to medical school. Heh.

"Hey. That check-washing heist was my last one," say Bo. "Me thinking about retiring any way."

"Where will you go," Svrgyn ask.

"You no worry about Bo Bindel. Momma Bindel's got this nice room in basement that Bo been eyeing for sooooooooome time."

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 9, 2005

"Okay, Mr. Shui," say Bo. "You got hose connected to tub of magic, ink-removing Calgon?!"

"Check, Bo!" Say Mr. Shui.

"Let 'em have it," say Bo.

Next thing you know all that magic ink that give Tsoo their super-powers start dissolving right into street and down into gutter. Them all standing there all small-time and Bo Bindel crew gonna go big-time big time on 'em!

"Alright, Troll Twins," say Bo. "Let loose with the flanks!"

Dunnovel and Dunnogard dunking hands into two barrels of all those pig parts. We start hitting them with left flanks and right flanks like Bo big-time Hannibal general some stuff.

Them Tsoo no know what to do. They running all around in front of Super King China Buffet and trying to get away.

"Okay, Svrgyn," say Bo. "We starting in on 'em with fortune cookies now!"

Pop, pop, pop goes tons of pre-packaged fortune cookies all over Tsoo all over again. Their skinny b-tts getting knocked back all the way to Independence Port.

"Wooh hooh, Tsoo!" Me saying, "You know gonna shake-down this part of Steel Canyon no more cuz Super King China Buffet is Bo Bindel territory!"

Bo Bindel crew win big-time!
----------------------------------------

Meanwhile, deep below the city streets, two seemingly garden-variety sewer rats scamper among the city's garbage and waste.

"Hey, Lloyd," says super-powered rat #1. "Some thing weird happened when all that tattoo ink came pouring down from the street and on me.

"I can talk, stand upright and I think I have super powers."

"Yeah. me too, Bert," says super-powered rat #2. "So now what do we do?"

"Well," says Bert. "I guess we should find some teenage turtles and teach 'em to be ninjas."

"I don't even know that I like turtles," says Lloyd.

Bert: "Ah, f--- it. Let's just gnaw some s---."

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 8, 2005

Bo Bindel standing on top of Feng Shui's Super King China Buffet in a row along with Troll Twins, Baby Clock, and Svrgyn. We waiting for Tsoo to come try to collect protection money.

Me wishing Beovark was here cuz we could use all the help we could get, but him not. Here what happened.
------------------------------------------------

Troll Twins got this new swank lounge place all picked out where guys take their mistresses just before they go there to find other divorcees. Real fansy-shmansy crowd all line up along the bar. Troll Twins start noticing all those coats, purses and rich people hanging around the lounge stools.

So, me and Beovark stage a fight right by the bar. Everbody get scared and clear away from coats and stuff, while Baby Clock gonna hop and jump from coat to coat, purse to purse, pocket to pocket. It lookin' like we gonna make outta there with around $600.

Then Beovark start getting real with fight. Him go.

"You big-time blame Beovark for Junior disappearing," say Beovark.

"Well," me say. "You were suppose to watch him, dummy!"

"And," him go. "You make me take only half money for me kidnapping Indigo some stuff!"

"Calm down, Beovark," me say. "What you problem?"

"My problem is me suppose to get $80,000 for 1st place in Elvis contest and Bo Bindel no gonna let me keep it!

"You holding Beovark back," him say. "Beovark sick of it!"

"Fine," say Bo. "Why don't you just go work for you buddy, Freudel then if that how you feel about it!"

"Maybe I should," say Beovark.

"If that what you want to do then," Say Bo.

"Maybe Beovark do want to do 'dat," him say back.

"Well, then go do it then," I say. "See if Bo Bindel care you wanna go work for Bo Bindel's big-time rival-jerk Freudel!"

"Fine," him yell. "Then I will!"

"Fine!" yell Bo.

"Fine!" say Beovark.
----------------------------------------------
Oop. Gotta' go. Tsoo here.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 7, 2005

Bo Bindel: Hey, Svrgyn. How you spell Svrgyn?

Svrgyn: S.V.R.G.Y.N.

Bo Bindel: Got it. And how you spell Beovark?

Svrgyn: B.E.O.V.A.R.K.

Bo Bindel: Thought so. And how you spell Bo Bindel again?

Svrgyn: B.O. B.I.N.D.E.L

Bo Bindel: Sheesh, why can't we just make one check out to us for a huge amount? This gonna take forever.

Svrgyn: That'll no work. Could draw attention to check-washing scheme. 'Den we get in trouble.

Bo Bindel: Eh. And how you gonn' spell Svrgyn?

Svrgyn: S.V.R.G.Y.N.

Bo Bindel: ...and Beovark?

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 4, 2006

Dear Bo,

I wrote you about how is it that the Troll Twins are Orthodox J-w yet they have a sister that seems born-again Christian judging by the bumper stickers on their mutual ride. I was wondering if this is yet another discrepancy in your universe of self-destructing story-holes or if there is a logical explanation. You replied saying something like, 'it a matter of faith. Shut up!' ...but this is hardly descriptive. Could you elaborate deeper in this public forum?

Answer:

Bo Bindel hungry.

And....

Shut up!

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 3, 2006

For 12th time in two months, Tsoo gonna beat the crap outta Bo Bindel crew. 'Dem think they gonna collect protection money at Feng Shuis's Super China King Buffet but that before Feng Shui (yeah, dat him real name so what?) and Mr. Lee fall in with us whatever. Rah! You know what i'm sayin'

So...!

Me get real mad at Troll Twins. 'Dem always leavin' guns in car.

And...!

Everytime Bo Bindel say, "Hey, Dunnogard. You got right flank. Dunnovel, you got left flank. Dem' never gonna know what Bo Bindel is saying.

Why...!?

Bo Bindel gotta know what him is saying?

So, finally....!

Dunnogard and Dunnovel gonna come to Bo Bindel and 'dem say,

"Hey, Bo. We got 'dem flanks something figured out."

Well....

It got something to do with left and right. Pig parts. And butchers.

Yummy. So...!

We go to pig farm.

We sneaking up.

If we can just get enough of those pig parts to make left and right flanks. For sure we gonna' beat the Tsoo!

So we do.

We creeping up on pig parts. Pigs actually. It a pig farm that Troll Twins got all picked out.

Bo Bindel give the word. We hit that special Troll dynamite as only Troll can, and....

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

"Uh," say Bo. "You guys see what Bo see?"

"Is it a wall of pig sh*t flying through the sky right at us?" Ask Dunnogard.

"Yeah," me say.

"Then...," say Dunnogard.

"Yeah," say Troll Twins.

*SPAAAHLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT*

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skywy City
November 3, 2005

"Bo Bindel mind going in so many dir-whatever you no know what going on, Svrgyn," me telling him. "So what else going on right now?"

"Well," say Svrgyn. "You gonna be real mad at this banker guy who promised a truck full o' cash but we got truck full o' checks. So I left him in a room with grendeled-off Beovark for 10 minutes."

"Well, if we mad at him 'dat no gonna be mean en...."

"After giving Beovark Snickers bar," say Svrgyn.

"'Dat better," me say.

I disagree with mechagogue. Whether I'm right or wrong, I think my description may be simpler to understand:

Silver Age
1950s/1960s@. Heroes have a a Leave-it-to-Beaver mentality. The nuclear family is believed to be the pinnacle of mankind's existence. (Can't have superman without superboy, supergirl and krypto the super dog.) Comics from this period are helped defined by the witch-hunt/gov't hearings against 'tales from the crypt', 'creepshow' and other comics. DC makes internal decision that their heroes will never kill anyone (in part to stay in business.) See JLA, Green Lantern, Flash, Shazam, Wonder Woman, Superman, etc. Called the Silver Age because these comics are believed to be good but bar wasn't high as super-heroes are pretty new so nothing to compare it to.

Golden Age
@70s/80s. Heroes take on a 2nd dimension. While they are here to protect us, this becomes not their sole mission as self-identity, SG-infighting, and pay-backs rear their realistic heads. See (late 70s) X-Men, Spider-Man, Punisher, Adam Warlock, etc. Called the Golden Age because many comic readers felt these stepped-up storylines better reflected their own lives and thus are not only comics but literary serials (w/pretty colors!)

Bronze Age (late 80s/early 90s)
Because of the success of the Golden Age, comic publishers go crazy. They crank out double-sized comics, give us a million X-Men offshoot titles, call every other comic a collector's item even though there are tons in circulation, and worst of all perhaps: told us Peter Parker isn't really Spider-Man but a clone of Ben Grimm! (The comic industry nearly dies with the exception of Manga which is now attracting female reader. It's no accident manga got introduced as costume options because these comix sell.) Examples are the Scarlet Spider, Canonball, (new lightning-powered) Superman, and Deadpool (who people love but he is from that period.)

My two cents on your character. She sounds like a golden age char (being a Scottish martial-artist) who fights silver age villains (as you mentioned they some times spit corny lines it sounds like.)

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 2, 2005

Svrgyn all excited 'bout money-making idea him have. He call special meeting with Bo Bindel and Mr Shui.

Mr. Shui: So! Big news, boys! I come all the way back from China with something specio'.

It very old. And! It kinda thing Chinese neverrrrrrr talk about it.

Bo Bindel: What?

Mr. Shui: It this right here.

Bo Bindel: What that?

Mr. Shui: It Calgon!

Bo Bindel: Svrgyn...? You mind telling Bo why you calling meetings 'bout laundry detergent?

Svrgyn: It no ordinary Calgon, Bo. This magical Calgon. It gonna' take the INK outta anything.

Bo Bindel: Maybe you thinkin' Bo too embarrassed to say that him no care cuz Momma Bindel gonna handle all that any way, but don't count on it cuz Bo no got time for this trying to find Junior and keep business go....

Svrgyn: 'Dat truck we steal from bank had all those checks in it though! We gonna just wash em, and write 'em all to Bo, Svrgyn, Beovark and Troll Twins.

Bo Bindel: Woooow. Calgon really is Ancient Chinese Secret.

Mr. Shui: How it secret when I just tell you, jerk-face!?

Bo Bindels' Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
November 1, 2005

Jimmy Foster: So, Bo, we've known each other a long time right?

Bo Bindel: What you mean?

Jimmy Foster: I mean, you and I have hung out for a long long time. You know, a number of years.

Bo Bindel: Huh?

Jimmy Foster: Okay, let me put it a different way. Since we met, Robin was Robin and then Robin was Nightwing for a while, and now Robin is back to being Robin.

Bo Bindel: Ohhh. Yeah. Yeah.

Jimmy Foster: And I know how important some things are to you. And you are a big-time Troll. Me, on the other hand, I'm pretty small time. Bo, Mary Helen and I will always love you, but, some things happen, and we are dating. I think I'm in love with Mary Helen. And I think she loves me.

Bo Bindel: Huh?

Jimmy Foster: I mean, we've all been friends for a long time. I don't want it to effect the relationship we have, and neither does Mary Helen, but Mary Helen and I, well, we are dating now.

Bo Bindel: Wha'?!!! MARY HELEN SEEING BO BINDEL'S FRIEND JIMMY FOSTER!!! 'DAT....! 'DAT....! MAKE BO BINDEL SO MAAAAD! RAAAWWWWR......!

Oh, who Bo Bindel kidding. Bo Bindel thought him could see this coming a mile away. Bo Bindel try not to be mad about 'dis. It okay Bo Bindel thinking. Me think it best for everyone if this make everyone happy, Bo should be happy too.

Jimmy Foster: Oh, holy cr-p! That is such a relief. I was really scared to tell you but I thought you deserved to know.

Bo Bindel: Yeah, it amazing what two weeks vacation in Sewer Network can do to state of mind.

Jimmy Foster: Yeah. I'm very, very, glad. And relieved! Oh, Bo, and one more thing....

Bo Bindel: Bo no gonna' kidnap Mary Helen any more.

Jimmy Foster: Thanks, Bo.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
October 31, 2005

So, Bo Bindel at bar watching rock show with Jimmy Foster. Bo Bindel get all excited, me say....

"Hey, Jimmy. This song gonna be really good. Bo Bindel can tell by way last song was so good and this time singer guy smacking the back of his fret board like him really getting ready to rock!"

Jimmy say, "That doesn't mean anything, Bo. Maybe he's the one who wrote the song or something so he's more fired up!"

"Hey!" Say Bo, "You right. This song big time suck!

"Hey, singer/songwriter guy! You stink!"

All of a sudden local band stop the show. PA cuts out everything. Singer guy say....

"Wait. Wait. Wait everybody. This guy in the back insists we stop the show for everybody because he can't controll himself!"

Now everyone turned around looking at Bo Bindel.

"Man, 'dat was kinda rude," say Bo.

"No doubt," say Jimmy Foster.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 29, 2005

BO BINDEL'S BIG-TIME HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (episode 2)!

Mary McComber got us tied up AND got Cayman tied up. She eating and eating and getting big as a house!

What she eating?!

Pirate ghost-guy whatever keep throwing body parts. Me thinking they human body parts! On a giant scale. Scale dripping and oozing with blood.

Him keep looking at guage on scale saying, "Haar! Them pounds be mostly bones!" And adding more people. Me thinking we gonna be next.

Mary keep putting boiled body parts in her mouth. We hear scary screams coming from another room. 'Dat where they cooking us! She keep getting bigger and bigger. Still, she hungry. Long strands of sinew and tissue drape from her blood-soaked plate leading all the way up to her rotting teeth.

Me see Cay Man standing there and so mad me want to bust him in the mouth but Bo Bindel Crew got big-time bigger problems right now. Bo Bindel thinking about saying good bye to Beovark and Svrgyn for last time but that maybe not what leader's do.

(*Ding Dong*)

"Oh, shoot," say Junior. "Some one's at the door and I don't know where Mary and her butler went. I guess I'll have to answer it."

TRICK OR TREAT!

"Troll Twins," say Junior. "You guys are here just in time. Mary's been cooking me food all day. It's really, good!"

"We gotta get you outta here," say Dunnogard. "We asking around 'bout Mary McComber and she got her big-time voodoo some stuff."

"What are you talking about?" say Junior. "And why are you guys dressed like that?"

"We dressed like candy stripers who are dressed as lions for Halloween," say Dunnogard.

"You guys," say Dunnovel. "We gotta get you outta...."

"Haar! Them pounds be mostly bones!"

"Pirate guy," say Junior. "What are you do...noooooooooooo!"

(Back at Mary McComber.)

"Oh, ha hah ha! This is getting interesting! You're telling me that I have next up on my plate your best friends and your father!?

"Well, then, my delicious little crumpet. I will let you go and one of them go if you decide who you want to live!"

"Pick me, son," say Cay Man. "I came all the way up here to take you to Disneyland, and then down to the Carribean with me."

All Bo Bindel crew say, "Don't listen to him, Junior! Him lying! We meant to tell you sooner but no want to hurt your feelings. Him like opposite of Oedipus guy. Him wanting to kill you this whole time."

Of course when Trolls all yell stuff at the same time it sound more like, "Rawr! Rawr! Rawr! Rawr! Rawr!"

Next thing you know we thrown into huge pot of water with lid screwed into top. We not know where Troll twins are. It to dark to see.

Beovark always gotta screw around. Him cut fart right there in water. Him go....

*BARUMF!* *Bubble* *Bubble*

Svrgyn go, "Beovark, you make you pretty good bubbles but check this out."

Him go.... *Barumf* *Bubble* *Bubble*

Bo Bindel start to laugh. Not even notice right now water getting hotter and hotter.

Me say, "Bo Bindel eat him deviled eggs just a few hours ago. Me gonna make the biggest-bubbles"

*BARUMFFFFFFF* *Bubble Bubble Bubble*

"Ha, ha ha," say Beovark. "Me go again!"

*Barummmmffff* *Bubble bubble bubble*

Him say, "Beovark win!"

"How you know you win," ask Bo Bindel. "It too dark to see."

Svrgyn say, "Hey, Beovark. You still got you pack a matches you keep rolled up in you sleeve? Dat way we gonna see."

"Dat great idea!" say Bo Bindel.

"Okay, say Beovark," me doing.

*Flick*

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

Maybe it all those deviled eggs or Beovark eating so much sugary food but that lil flame ignite all that Troll fart! It send us out a pot and through the air.

Bo Bindel say, "Troll twins, what the h-ll you dressed like candy stripers who dressed like lions for?"

"Shut up and just grab us. Don't let go," say Dunnovel.

They got them lion tails that go all the way through Mary McComber's house, out front door and out side somewhere.

Next thing you know, we getting dragged through the kitchen up the stairs, down another pair of stairs, around corner, down a hallway, up another set of stairs, down another set of stairs.

Svrgyn going, "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Bo Bindel say, "Troll...ow! Twins...ow! What...ow...is...ow...going...ow...on!"

Dunnogard say, "Dunnovel...ow...got...ow...idea...ow...to...ow... .tie...ow...tails...ow...to...ow...truck...ow...ou tside!

Me reply, "Who...ow...driving...ow?"

Dunnogard say, "Baby...ow...Clock...ow!

Dat little robot doo-hicky thing sitting up front on metal can in front seat of 'dat eighteen wheeler we stole. It going real fast and hurting real bad.

Me know even think Baby Clock could drive. It amazing what robot can do when truck has Momma Bindel's brand new toaster oven for a hood ornament like carrot on a stick. Him just keep driving and driving trying to get that toaster oven. Him thinking him gonna get it!

Mean while Troll fart bring down whole house. Mary McComber's place...it falling down all around us. We just got a few more feet to go and then....

FREEDOM!!

But where Junior!!!!!?????

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 29, 2005

BO BINDEL'S BIG-TIME HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (episode 1)!

(Bo Bindel's Big-Time Disclaimer: 'Dis no gonna be for the squeamish.)

"Beovark." Say Bo Bindel, "What you doing in Croatoa?!"

"Uh," say Beovark. "What you doing in Croatoa?"

"We looking for Junior some stuff," me say.

"Yeah," say Beovark. "Dat what me doing too."

"Him lying, Bo Bindel," say Svrgyn. "Him no know what him doing here. Beovark just waking up after big-time sugar bender."

"Sheesh, Beovark," say Bo Bindel. "You no gonna even growl at Svrgyn."

But Beovark just gonna wobble 'round looking dazed some stuff.

(In front of Mary McComber's house.)

"Oh, White-Knuckle Willy," says Cay Man. "That is rich. You've been living in Paragon too long. Come down to the Cay Man Islands some time. Get some sun. Clear out the cobwebs my friend. Ha ha ha."

Cay Man hang up phone and say to him stupid henchmen some stuff.

"Willy says that green man floating around her yard is a ghost! Heh heh. Next he'll be telling us about little green men."

(Back at the big green men.)

"Hey, Svrgyn," say Bo Bindel. "Remember how you saying some think the Tuatha #$@# got magical properties?"

"Yeah," him replying.

"Well," say Bo Bindel. "Before we head deeper into Croatoa, no one thinking Troll @#$@ got magical properties do they?"

"Depend who asking," say Svrgyn.

Me say, "Heh heh heh. Seriously dough."

(At Mary McComber's....)

"Haaaar! Them pounds be mostly bones," says the ghost.

"Mary, why does your butler keep saying that? It's funny," say Junior.

"Oh, don't listen to him, dear boy," says Mary McComber. "You just keep eating."

"Jeesh, Mary, you keep feeding me and are being so nice but look how skinny you are...if you don't mind me saying," says Junior.

"Oh, don't worry about me," says Mary. "I only eat once a year! I have one BIG feast on Halloween and it lasts me the rest of the three equinoxes and ages of arquarius...er...I mean year."

"Haaar! Them pounds be mostly bones!" says the ghost.

"Jeeesh," says Junior. "Pirate guy, you got a way of sneaking up on people you know."

(Outside....)

Cay Man stands near Mary's basement window, calling for the following sequentially: Diamond cutter; and henchmen 1 draws forth a diamond cutter. Suction cup; and henchmen 2 hands over a suction cup. Absinthe; and henchmen 1 pours a concoction not looking unlike Superdyne.

"Sluuuurp," he says. "Ahhhh, that's the stuff."

(Back at Trolls....)

"So you saying," say Beovark. "Junior got Superdyne. Threw out Superdyne. Find marble with this name Mary McComber and now him in Croatoa?"

"Yeah," say Bo Bindel.

"Why would person get Superdyne then throw out Superdyne?" him ask. "Man, small-time people sure are complicated."

"Yeah," say Bo.

"Beovark sure no miss it," Beovark say.

Bo Bindel..."Miss what?"

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 28, 2006

Text Message from: Bo Bindel

Beovark! Bo Bindel keep calling you! Leaving messages some stuff. Why u no pick up da phone?!

Bo Bindel remember where he know name Pickney. We thinking Cay Man in town. Don't let Junior out you sight! And answer u phone!!

Svrgyn.... How you use symbols again? Oh yeah....



Wait. Dat no right.



Call Bo Bindel!

Bo
___
NEXT EPISODE: BO BINDEL'S BIG-TIME HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!!!!!!!!

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 27, 2005

Bo Bindel: Step right up good people of Talos Island! Bo Bindel has brought for you all the way from...the water...'dese beautiful clam shells.

It is rumored that some of these have in them a black pearl and if you can pick a clam shell that does. You have the pearl at no charge.

Anonymous Lady #1: I'll pick that one right there!

Bo Bindel: Svrgyn, would you be kind enough to get nice lady clam shell please.

Svrgyn: Certainly, Bo. Here you go!

Bo Bindel: Woah, look at 'dat! It got it black pearl in it!

Svrgyn: Woooooooooow!!

Bo Bindel: 'Dat gonna be big-time valuable some stuff! Now, we just gotta set it in nice ring for you for small charge of $80.

Anonymous Lady #1: That would be lovely.

Anyonymous Man #1: I'd like to pick that clam shell right there.

Bo Bindel: Okay, sir. Here go you go, and..... Wow! Hey, Svrgyn! 'Dis one got it black pearl too!

Svrgyn: Woah! Bo, we must be crazy giving away all these black pearls.

Bo Bindel: We are, Svrgyn! We are absolute-whatever positively crazy! 'Dat will be $80 dollars please.

Anonymous Lady #2: I'd like to pick that clam shell right there.

Bo Bindel: Okay, here you go. Holy crap! Svrgyn, it another black pearl!

(*Runs wildly with hands in the air interloping figure 8s with Svrgyn who is also waving hands in the air.*)

Svrgyn: Woaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!

Bo Bindel: We giving probably hundreds of thousands of whatever in black pearls today, Svrgyn!! Eighty dollars for the ring please.

(Later...at Momma Bindel's.)

Svrgyn: Hey, Bo. This one has a weird inscription on it. It say, "Return to Mary McComber in Croatoa for a big reward."

Bo Bindel: Croatoa?! Bo Bindel just get back from vacation. Throw it out with any other black marbles we no could sell.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 26, 2005

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Junior: Come on, Beovark. I'm not suppose to let you eat sugar. Put down the biscotti, Beovark. Just drop it!

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Junior: Come on! You're gonna get me in trouble!

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Beovark: Raaaaawwwwrrrrr! (...and runs off with arms full of biscotti.)

Junior: You're a jerk, Beovark!

Hey, I know. I'm not suppose to let Beovark eat sugar; Beovark's not suppose to let me try Superdyne. So I'll get some of that and then we'll get each other in trouble! That'll teach 'im!

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 25, 2005

Beovark: 'Dat Beovark's rock!

Junior: No, that's my rock!

Beovark: 'Dat Beovark's rock!

Junior: No, that's my rock!

Barista: That's not a rock. It's biscotti. And you're gonna' have to either buy something or leave the coffee shop.

Beovark: So let Beovark get this straight. It like a rock, but you can eat it?

Barista: Kind of.

Beovark: 'Dat Beovark's biscotti!

Junior: No, it's my biscotti!

Beovark: 'Dat Beovark's biscotti!

Junior: No, it's my biscotti!

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 18, 2005

Bo Bindel taking sabbatical in Sewer Network! Back in 5 Teen Titans.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 17, 2005

Junior: Bo, Momma Bindel's coming home any minute and the place is still a wreck.

Bo Bindel: Bah! Don't remind Bo. Me cleaning as fast as I can.

Junior: You say that all the time these days.

Bo Bindel: What's that?

Junior: "Bah!"

Bo Bindel: No me don't.

Junior: Uh huh. You just said it.

Bo Bindel: Uh uh.

Junior: You're stressed out. You need a vacation.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 15, 2005

Svrgyn: Says here car was rented out to a Frederick Kutchener. Employment listed as Pinckney & Son.

Bo Bindel: Hmm. Bo Bindel know that name: Pinckney. Sound very familiar. As a matter of fact, seem like it was just yesterday. 'Dat right. It all...it all coming back to Bo....

(*Doolooloot Doolooloot Doolooloot Doolool....*)

Bo Bindel: Bah! Bo almost remember then you making that noise!

Svrgyn: Sorry.

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 14, 2005

"Guys," say Junior. "We got company."

"If it rabbits, just let 'em in," say Bo.

"They got Dr. Neuromancy with 'em," say Junior.

"Raawr!," say Bo. "Alright, you guys stay here. Bo Bindel gonna handle this."

"Bo," say Svrgyn. "You know how suscepti-whatever you are to mind attacks though."

"Yeah," say Bo. "And what Bo Bindel tell you about reminding Bo all the time?"

"I'm just saying!" say Svrgyn.

So, me walk out to dimly lit parking lot. Dr. Neurowhatever break away from police rabbits got them guns drawn hiding behind car doors like car doors gonna protect anything from Bo Bindel.

We meet. One on one.

"With a wave of my hand," say Dr. Neuromancy. "You, the nefarious Bo Bindel, will be reduced to a quivering, trembling mass on the ground wracked with guilt over your betrayal of your friend Julius and your own rule that Troll is Troll is Troll! On my command....Now!"

"Sorry, Dr. Neurowhatever," say Bo. "You powers no work on Bo Bindel any more."

"What!?" Say Dr. Neurowhatever, "That.... That's impossible."

"No," say Bo. "It true."

"How?" Say Dr. Neurowhatever, "How can this be? How under the throws of a million possibilities could a brute like your self ever resist my mind-shattering, spellbinding, heroic super powers!?"

"Bo made peace with Julius the Troll," say Bo. "Turn out him listen to pretty good music too. Br-ken S-cial Sc-ne is amazing."

"No one is contesting that Br-ken S-cial Sc-ne plays exceptional ethereal rock with sexy sultry female singers, a strong frontman and orchestral arrangements that crackle with live energy and all of the things that make life worth living," says Dr. Neurowhatever. "But...."

"Look," say Bo. "Bo Bindel really flattered and everything but Bo already got him arch-enemy. That Police Drone sitting in front of train station thinking him so big.... (*Grumble grumble*)

Dr. Neurowhatever say, "So what you're saying is...."

"It's not you," say Bo. "It me."

Bo Bindel's Big-Time Diry
Bo Bindel
Resident Troll, Skyway City
OCTOBER 13, 2005

*SMASH!*

"Nice work, Junior," say Bo. "Now, you gonna stand watch. Svrgyn and Beovark, you gonna check front of car rental place. Look for any records, dates, car models, names. Bo Bindel gonna check filing cabinets in the back. And no shine flashlights directly through window."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Svrgyn, you find anything yet?" ask Bo.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Svrgyn say, "No, not yet.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Uh, Bo," say Svrgyn. "You gonna want to see this."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Me busy," say Bo. "What is it? You find name of guy following us?"

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"You gonna wanna come see for yourself," say Svrgyn.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Holy crap!" say Bo.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Yeah," say Svrgyn. "It Beovark. Him eating things out of plastic canisters in car-renter lobby place, swinging around room, foaming at the mouth and try to kill me any time me go near him."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Hey, Beovark," say Bo. "Quit screwing around. We got us stuff to do."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Raaaaaaaaawwwrrr!," say Beovark.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Ha! Ha! Ha," say Bo Bindel.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Svrgyn say, "Yeah, him no screwing around. Svrgyn think Beovark finally went nuts."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Bo Bindel, "We need to find out what him eating. Go grab that canister from 'im."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Svrgyn..., "H-ll no."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

Bo say, "Well, just get one of the crushed canisters he threw on the floor."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Uh uh," say Svrgyn.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Bah!" say Bo. "Bo gotta do everything around here. Okay. Me doing."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"What canister say?" ask Svrgyn.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Crap," say Bo. "Canister all crushed. Hard for Bo Bindel to read."

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Just spell it out to me if you can," say Svrgyn.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"'Kay," say Bo. "M...I...N...I...M...A...R...S...H...M...A...L...L ...O...W...S.

(*Chomp* *Chomp* *Chomp*)

"Oh, him no foaming at the mouth," say Svrgyn.