Doctor_Why

Maybe we need a City of Merchants to make all those suffering from crafting withdrawal happy.

There's always Galaxy of Heroes, and underwater area expansions. I'm sure we'll see many entirely different kinds of missions. Maybe we'll eventually be able to use our hands.

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Cuppa plays on Justice server...

I'm SURE of it...

That's why she knows all of us...

Me, Sik, LaserJesus, Fatigue...

It all FITS.

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You know... I've never seen CuppaJo and Sik in the same place at the same time. Maybe Sik IS Cuppajo!

"I'm a homocidal maniac. They look just like everybody else."

Don't assume he sucks as a roleplayer just because you only see one facet of his personality. But someone roleplaying a person who uses pet names must also accept others are going to not like being called those names. As a roleplayer, he should probably realize many people have asked him not to call them pet names, and should probably have had a good, roleplayed response rather than (Hey, I'm just roleplaying!).

"Sorry, lov... er, ma'am. Force of habit, I guess."

Go rock accolade! I need my rock back!

<shudders from rock withdrawal symptoms>

Time is relative. My uncle is a relative. Therefore, time is my uncle.

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I like the whole event, for the most part. But what I can't figure out is why the halloween badges are listed first in your list there. The badges otherwise seemed to be listed most general to most specific before and I would imagine that these are hyperspecific, being restricted to baddies that are seldom around. Instead I'm going to have to scroll past them every time to get to something else. What's up with that? (Maybe their position on the list will change after the event. Search me.)

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Youre kidding right?

You have to scroll past 6 badges??? OH THE HUMANITY!!!!

Maybe we should send someone over to your home, to hook up a catheder, install a fridge right next to your chair, and hire someone to do all your grocery shopping for you, so that you will never have a reason to leave the position you are in right now. Once a month we'll make sure someone comes over and hoses you down, too, so that the stench doesnt buildup too bad.

Lazy [censored].

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Goodness! It's certainly not that scrolling will kill me or anything. I just don't like their position for two reasons:

1) I often over-analyze things. The order of the badges doesn't make sense.

2) Those badges have nothing to do with anything. There is no point in looking at them all the time. It's like never taking down your halloween decorations.

Certainly if it's a choice between changing this around or fixing something else or designing new content, by all means leave this as it is. I realize that I could always not get them (though I can't un-get the ones I have) so I share part of the responsibility. But if, on the other hand, it's a relatively easy thing to re-order them and the Devs agree with me, then I would like to see them do it. What's the harm in that?

I like the whole event, for the most part. But what I can't figure out is why the halloween badges are listed first in your list there. The badges otherwise seemed to be listed most general to most specific before and I would imagine that these are hyperspecific, being restricted to baddies that are seldom around. Instead I'm going to have to scroll past them every time to get to something else. What's up with that? (Maybe their position on the list will change after the event. Search me.)

It's too far when it makes you uncomfortable, you ask them to tone it down in a reasonable manner, and they refuse. Vice versa.

What worries me is that this mysterious universal skill tree (MUST?) may only have use within missions. While a level 50 could still learn skills they wouldn't have much use for him. I hope they have a variety of non-mission uses as well. I can think of only a few:

- Able to act as an 'expert' for missions requiring one. (detective is a 'natural' expert, science is a 'tech/science' expert, scholar is a 'magic' expert, maybe)

- Able to train people of lower level. (Those guys must have learned how to do it somewhere)

At 50, you can still use all your powers to bust some heads or help other people w/o exemplaring. I would hope the same would be true for the MUST.
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I'm Doctor Why and I approved this message.

Maybe it teaches them that you have to reach up and grab Life by the groin and squeeze before It kicks you in the face!

Or maybe it teaches them that if you become a criminal you're going to have the smackdown laid on you and you're lucky if you aren't killed.

Or maybe that drugs can give you superpowers and only sometimes have bad side effects.

Or it could be that as long as you look good you can get away with murder.

Maybe the lesson is that violence is not the only way to solve problems, but it is the only way that will get you fame and personal development.

Or maybe that their parents have two choices: 1) try and control everything they interact with so individuals, society, and the universe doesn't teach them the 'wrong messages', or 2) teach them to make their own moral desicions correctly.
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I'm Doctor Why and I approved this message.

PS: Pac Man is corrupting our youth! It teaches them to eat continually!

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Suppose the above ball player was actually two players. Suppose the one that struck out could lend his influence to the hero? Wouldn't that lower the public's estimation of the hero?

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Unless the hero that struck out had done something good previously, he wouldn't HAVE any influence to lend to someone else.

But this begs the question of how it is that heroes exchange influence anyway. I had always assumed it was sort of a media or public event. It's pretty easy to imagine one hero lending a sort of overt social support to another:

"Statesman says Doctor Why may be one of Paragon City's bravest heroes!" being worth lots of influence, while, "Doctor Why seen in same room as Statesman." being worth much less.

For villians, influence exchange could easily work identically, we just imagine an opposite transaction instead:

"Lord Recluse declares that he would have destroyed Paragon City numerous times if not for Doctor Why's meddling!" or "Lord Recluse seen giving Doctor Why a dirty look."

I'm not sure whether influence (for consistency) or infamy (for evil sound) works better for me.
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I'm Doctor Why and I approved this message.

I'm sorry, but while exemplaring you have almost no risk. At any time you can pop out and nova blast that annoying hellion. Your team will get no experience for the encounter, but if a couple hundred hps from nowhere and ludicrous power doesn't save you, then nothing will.

I have a pretty simple definition of griefing. Let's see what you guys think. Griefing is-

1) Unpleasant
2) Unstoppable
3) Undesigned

So if some villain accosts a hero and sets up a friendly (or unfriendly) rivalry it's perfectly okay to the degree that both of them enjoy the relationship on some level. When one player feels picked on, asks the other to stop but the other refuses, then it is not only harassment but griefing as well.

On a slightly more subtle level, think includes level 50 people ganking level 10's. There's nothing a 10 can do to stop a 50, and the 50 can do it before the 10 has any chance to protest or get away. So that gets to be griefing too, unless for some reason the 10 consents to it ahead of time somehow.

One way would be for the lowbie to step into the Gank National Arena (per rule 3). Likewise, according to rule 3, the Devs are not griefing you by forcing you to have debt every time you're sent to the hospital.

This allows for a variety of different villain-hero relationships depending on the boundaries of the players involved, and also sets a clear rule of when to stop - when the player (opposed to the character) asks you to. Hopefully the Devs will put in place a few more concrete barriers as well, from toggles to turn on and off 'enemy mode' to definite 'safe' and 'danger' areas.
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I'm Doctor Why and I approved this message.

Kudos to you and your group for doing something like this!

The question the OP asks can be taken in a couple different ways. One would refer to self-image, the other could be social alignment.

Most people seem to have been taking it in the sense of self image. One way to phrase the question would be 'Are you a regular person who happens to have ludicrous powers or a ludicrous person who is sometimes mistaken (or pretends) to be normal?' Another way (my favorite) would be 'If you were forced to make a choice between giving up your super powers and live a normal life or giving up any pretense of a normal life and only be a 'super', which would your character choose?'

From the latter question two things become apparent (at least to me) - first that characters are seldom all hero or all normal, and second that almost all comic book characters more hero than normal (any number of them have made that choice overtly once or twice). Of course there are some who would happily put down their powers if they thought they could or could only figure out how, but these are a minority (I can only think of a couple).

Having said all that, my own characters tend to run the spectrum. Enyo is a mutant who simply never had the possibility of a normal life - her choice was only between being a hero or villain. Doctor Why has been a hero so long that being normal again would be like losing most of himself... to be normal he would have to not be himself. Sophie Artemis, on the other hand, is almost entirely normal but >wants< to be a hero. Go figure.

The question might also be considered in the context of social alignment. In other words, is the 'hero' going against the grain of society or with it? Batman and the Punisher (at least the hardcore comic versions) are downright antisocial - they kills and terrify villains and would probably be imprisoned themselves if their identities were revealed (and they could be caught, of course). They still accomplish good ends. They are dark heroes. Superman, on the other hand, is typecast as so proto-social it's almost ridiculous. That kind of hero views it as his job and duty not only to stop crimes as they occur but to try and prevent them in the first place by being a good role model and strengthening the social fabric. I can think of a number of sports figures, police officers, and even a politician or two who take their fandom this seriously, too.

To use the same characters, Enyo is not likely to be a poster-hero (I don't think I've ever seen her smile except on rare occasions, and then only grimly and sarcastically) but she isn't likely to break the law or defy authority. She might even be helpful, in her own way (she's known to insult people she saves for needing saving, but maybe she's encouraging them to better themselves) - I >could< see her on a threating poster, "Be good or I'll squash you like the bug you are." Heh. Doctor Why is accustomed to manipulating societal elements covertly, so on the one hand he takes a personal responsibility for the world around him, but on the other he's not likely to be involved in a media campaign unless asked. Sophie doesn't even cross the streets except at crosswalks and street corners. But that's just them.
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My name is Doctor Why, and I approved this message.

I can think of lots (and lots) of possible explanations for the spines. Whether they are plausible or not I'll leave to your own judgement of what is and is not reasonable. What you're really asking about are two things...

1) How do large spines like that come from inside you and through your skin without agonizing and/or grievously wounding you?

2) How do large spines like that come from inside you in the first place?

Here a few ideas just for starters (I'll start with the easy one, the skin...):

- The spines do not really go >through< your skin, you have subtle sphincter/pores that can open to allow their passage. Your clothes have well-designed slits, too.

- The spines are always outside your skin, they are just phase shifted/invisible and >seem< to shoot out.

- Yes they go through your skin, but not much of it, really. The damage is minor at best. Because you extend them so frequently, surrounding tissue is accustomed to stretching a bit out of the way. You tear up some of your clothes, but it's not too hard to stich the holes up when you're offline.

- It's a good thing you regenerate because otherwise you would probably be dead. You don't >seem< to take damage only because popping your spines also releases a boost of endorphins (like resist pain). That little boost of hormones keep you from passing out and gives you temporary hit points which are healed covertly during the course of a typical combat. You're clothing budget is through the roof.

Of course you can easily mix and match the clothing damage/personal damage options (I don't know why a scrapper >wouldn't< get special clothes unless they just didn't care - my spines scrapper just wears a skimpy outfit).

As for the spines themselves, let's look at why they seem ridiculous - they seem to be solid, branching shafts of bone longer than any other bone in the body. If they are extra bones, it boggles the mind how they could all fit in there. If not, it would seem like you wouldn't have much bone left.

So clearly the best way to make spines seem reasonable is to attack any of these assumptions about them. For example:

- The spines are not rigid, but flexible. Bendy tension-stuff holds them out like that. You really are whipping them at opponents or stabbing with them.

- What seems to be a solid shaft is actually two (or more) segmented ones. They move out at different rates, so joints that match up inside your body are braced on the outside. They also move away from each other at the ends, which is how huge branched appendages can go through a small hole in your skin.

- They are really your bones, but fortunately you no longer need your bones for support. You have a secondary skeleton/exoskeleton/cartilage/massive psychokinetic power that not only holds you up but gives you all those hit points compared to blasters and defenders.

- It has been demonstrated repeatedly that time is a relative thing. You grow your spines each time as a combined quirk of your regeneration and a form of self-affecting chrono-acceleration. Don't ask me exactly how you do it. (Though if you want to ask me, I can probably come up with something)

- The spines are produced through an unusual chemical secretion which hardens almost instantly on contact with air. This also explains why none of your wounds bleed... broken storage sacks instantly seal and brace any injuries.

- Your cells are not entirely differentiated. You are a sort of shapshifter... what seems to be spines is actually skin and other cells taking on a secondary, resilient function and being pushed into place by novel musculature. They do not break your skin because they >are< your skin.

- Your spines do not really physically exist. Their appearance is a byproduct of an ongoing energy generation/force field/mind control you manifest. Where does all that energy come from? The same place blasters (or controllers) get it! Yeah!

- It's not that your spines are strange, it's the rest of you. You simply do not have muscles and internal organs like everyone else, and so have plenty of space in there for spines, microwave ovens, extra sneakers, or whatever you may need at the time.

- Maybe it's not just your spines that don't really exist, but all of you. Your natural form is like a ghost or some other form of astral entity that can change at will but still interact with the real world. That's why bullets piffle right through you but a punch >really< hurts.

- As mentioned before, if your spines are out of phase/extradimensional/magically summoned or whatnot then none of this is really an issue anyway.

Well, you get the idea. Fun to think about (at least for me). Hope some of this is useful, or at least thought-provoking. Keep on arrestin'.

I find that if you RP enough in your requests for team and whatnot, you seldom attract any responses except from people who desire (or at least tolerate) RPing. Someone posted in another thread an example where it was obvious the speaker was talking as if to a general radio broadcast. You get the idea, I hope.
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My name is Doctor Why, and I approved this message.

You mean the request, broadcast, and team channel AREN'T channels on my hero's transciever radio? I thought that was why I had throuble sending and recieving to anything but my team when I'm in tunnels and shielded buildings!

The tell channel clearly interpenetrates vast distances and any obstacle, so I thought I had that wired to my beamed neutrino communicator. Frankly, I'm surprised so many people are capable of sending and recieving information that way... I didn't think it was a common technological item yet. I suppose those radiation generators can innately produce tight neutrino beams, but what about everyone else?

Maybe I'll have to re-check my set-up. <grin>

A couple of us were doing that on Justice too. Some tanks and an AR/dev blaster works for the concept as well. It can be pretty hard to avoid some of those glowies... in many cases you get stuck with a power before level 6 that you're never allowed to use. It gets rougher after 20 when all your missions are spread out in large areas. Unless you have lots and lots of time on your hands.

Harris: I’m Steven Harris reporting for Behind the Mask. Today we have the privilege of speaking with Professor Merriam, a sociology professor at Paragon University.

Professor Merriam: Thank you, Steven, I'm always happy to help the press.

Harris: Who do you think is to blame for the rise in this city's crime rate?

Professor Merriam: As I wrote in my recent book, _The_Mask_of_Terror_, criminals, particularly those with superhuman abilities, believe they are no longer bound by the social contract. Simply stated, any society has an unwritten agreement that if we obey the laws then we will be protected from those who do not. Many of these miscreants simply do not accept that the rest of us are their peers or that our rules apply to them.

Harris: What about the city's heroes?

Professor Merriam: Many of our city's heroes are no better. The Citizen Crime-Fighting Act which supposedly sanctions their vigilante activities also requires them to follow the same restrictions that police use. Yet when was the last time you heard of a hero brought up on charges for excessive use of force? It is an unfortunate reinforcement loop: Some citizens idolize heroes as if they were gods. Heroes fail to join most regular social institutions, so when they 'apprehend' criminals it only proves the criminals right - society IS unable to stop them. Of course, this increases the amount of crime which makes the heroes all the more necessary which causes gullible civilians to idolize them all the more. We need to break the chain.

Harris: What is your view of various anti heroes and anti mutant groups that believe heroes course more problems then they solve?

Professor Merriam: In some senses these groups are doing some of the most beneficial activities of all. Not only are they resisting some of the negative social pressures I just mentioned, they are binding together and reinforcing the social structure. The very first societies that formed existed to use the strength of the many to overcome the few strong tyrants among them and make things more equitable for all.

Many of the members of these groups honestly put the good of society before their own good... I'm reminded of the case of Mr. Donald Glover... I believe he was in the news a year or two ago. He was an ardent member of Earth First when he discovered that his father was actually an alien, and then proceeded to kill himself. The ultimate sacrifice for the cause, so to speak. It's interesting to note that many heroes do the same thing.

Harris: What do you mean by that?

Heroes, of course, launch themselves daily into situations quite likely to prove lethal. Why would they do this? I think most psychologists will tell you that individuals engaged in self-destructive behaviour do so out of a hidden hatred of themselves, a low self esteem. Consider also that almost all heroes (even Statesman) wear masks during their most flagrant use of powers. They know, at some level, that what they are doing is loathsome and antisocial. They do not want others to recognize them or to have to see their own faces, even when their identity is not secret. A classic sign, if I may say.

Harris: Have you had any encounters with heroes?

Professor Merriam: With my books and recent work into hero effects on sociology, I have recieved threats. The line between hero and villian, if one even really exists, is a lot narrower than most people believe. These threats do not surprise me, however. It can be uncomfortable for someone who hates themselves to be examined so accurately.

Harris: What do you think goes through a super heroes mind when they are in a dangerous situation?

Professor Merriam: I spend several chapters discussing this in _The_Mask_of_Terror_. Though they are loath to admit it, heroes are mostly scared. Since their actions are without the security society provides, they have little hope of any kind of justice. They apprehend villains, yet because they regularly violate the CCFA their victims can be back on the streets in hours. The slightest slip might have a hero classed as a villain by the public and make them a fugitive, hunted by erstwhile friends. Many of the heroes I interviewed admitted to sizing up the weaknesses of their comrades in case they were forced to fight them in the future.

Harris: What do you think you would do if you had super powers yourself?

Professor Merriam: It is hard to predict how such changes would affect us, of course. I like to think I would be doing much the same thing that I am doing now. Having one capability does not nullify another, and scientific advances can enrich the lives of all mankind. I am doing research now on why many of the technologists we see fighting criminals one by one have abandoned other projects which might instead benefit billions.

Harris: Have you got anything else you would like to say to our viewers?

Professor Merriam: [laughs] I suppose if I haven't gotten your viewers interested in one of my books by now, another plug won't do much good. Work on something long enough and it becomes difficult to dwell on other things.

Harris: Thank you for your time, Professor.

Professor Merriam: Always a pleasure, Steve.

[The surrounding street is littered with police cars and broken glass. Flashing blue and red lights give color everything oddly except for the pools of pavement lit by streetlights and an area before a shattered storefront. Police talk amongst each other and on transcievers while a disheveled, balding man seems to be pulling at what hairs remain on the back of his head.]

Harris: Excuse me, sir... I’m Steven Harris reporting for Behind the Mask. May I ask you a few questions for the program?

Balding man: Questions? Why not? S'all I got now... who'z gunna answer my questions, that's what I want to know!

Harris: [pause] What is your view of the cities heroes?

Balding man : My view? I hadda perfect view a' dis Marduk guy... Let me tell ya 'bout dat. I been runnin' dis place fer ten years. Ten years! It ain't much, but it's mine, an' I worked hard fer it. Crime ain't nothin' new. Been robbed more times n' I kin count. At's why I keep me a Smith & Wesson under tha counter... but sometimes t'ain't so smart ta use it. Specially these days. Things gettin' more an' more bloody.

Harris: Who do you think is to blame for the rise in cities crime rate?

Balding man: Huh? How 'm I supposed ta know? Lazy bums, all of 'em. Nothing ta do but suck [censored] up their nose while honest guys like me work! But I'll tell ya one thing... da cure is worse dan da problem!

Harris: Are you referring to Paragon's heroes?

Balding man: Heh! Heroes, my ***! [gestures to ruined store] You think da Warriors did dis? Dey was shakin' me down as usual and dis Marduk guy, covered in wierd armour like half da freaks in town, come shootin' in da door. Fills my store wit' smoke and while we're all gaggin' on da fumes plants a bomb right in da middle of da crooks. I'm lucky dat freak didn't send me to da hospital too! Not dat I got anything ta do now...

Harris: What do you think goes through a super hero's mind when they are in a dangerous situation?

Balding man: [yelling now] I'll tell ya what dey DON'T think! How about da thousands a' dollars a' damage day do ta save me from bein' robbed a' hundred bucks! An' dis jerk stands around after as if he was expectin' me ta run up and thank him fer demolishin' my bizness! An' here's da REAL kicker... dis Marduk says he's some immortal Babylonian guy, so da insurance says it's an act a' god! Now those insurance guys, DEY'RE da real crooks!

Harris: What is your view of various anti-hero and anti-mutant groups that believe heroes course more problems then they solve?

Balding man: Dey got dat right. What's a hero ever done dat udder guys ain't also, eh? Even da Rikti... ya tink da super jerks coulda fought 'em demselves? Even if day did, look at all da damage! Statesman dropped two a' dem battle cruisers right on buildin's fulla people! If he's da best a' da best, den dey need a lot a' work!

Harris: What do you think you would do if you had super powers yourself?

Balding man: I'd put my store back together fer one! [agitatedly tears a few more hairs out, then calms down a bit] Look, I done my tour in da navy. Learnt me a few things, an' one thing is ya don't even point no weapon at somethin' ya don't want dead. If I shot laser outta my eyes or some [censored] like that, I'd prolly sign up wit' da cops and use it [censored] little like most cops do dey're guns instead a' flyin' around blastin' anythin' dat moved funny.

Harris: Have you got anything else you would like to say to our viewers?

Balding man: I'll tell ya one thing. If I ever get dis dump hauled out an' in workin' order again, ain't gunna be no freaks allowed within fifty feet. I got my rights!

Harris: Thank you for your time.

The most important thing, I think, is to know what the most important thing is (in your story). You may >want< to talk about your hero AND the Rikti invasion but when, for the sake of the story, you need to abandon one to improve the other, you need to know which one it's going to be. Many of the elements of your story flow directly from this... what gets mentioned/excluded, from what point-of-view it's going to be told, and what kind of style is best adopted in the telling.

If you are most concerned with Jack Mifflin, you may have to take the readers with him to the restroom and leave them in the dark about why everyone is laughing when he steps out again. If the mood of the Last Stop Cafe is of premier importance then maybe you don't even mention the names of the patrons but you do provide the readers with their thoughts. _Catcher_in_the_Rye_ is a good example of a story that focuses so much on a single character that it doesn't even have a discernable plot.

Of course you don't always HAVE to do what might be most expedient for the story... sometimes that makes it more interesting as well. But that is getting closer to the point where writing is more of an art (or experiment) than a craft.

Hm. All right, here's my critique. But understand that a critique is sometimes critical. Allow me to add that I wouldn't bother writing so much unless I thought you had something to work with here. Because I want to be constructive, I make a lot of suggestions, but you are the author... take them, reject them, or do something else. It's your baby, I'm just telling you what's wrong with it (in my opinion).

I'd say it's Ok... I'm not sure I really identified much with the hero, who seems overconfident and somewhat rude to me. For most of the tale there is also no real tension... memories are nowhere near as threatening as realities (you might want to start your story the other way around - Flare walks in with the news, Adam freaks out, and the rest can be told as a flashback where Adam explains or just as a memory). The major issues I have are:

- You spend much of the second paragraph hitting us with an expository lump in the form of the scientist saying, 'Here's a bunch of things about portal corp.' The general rule for lumps is that they should be excluded unless they are absolutely necessary for the story or otherwise add significantly to it. If you remove everything but the first and last sentance...

"It was just a routine scouting mission," the scientist said. "We were planning on sending him back to his universe once we were done searching, but..." The scienitist's voice trailed off.

We can infer from this that he's unwelcome and from another universe, and you mentioned in the first paragraph and later that he's wounded. Bada-bing bada-boom.

Likewise, it doesn't make much sense for a scientist to have to explain a lot about his company to someone who presumably knows enough about it to have access they would rather give to heavy hitters.

And while we're on that paragraph, doesn't the scientist have a name? Our telepathic hero should know that as easily as everything else, or if he doesn't even care that much you could mention it and reinforce the cocky vibe I was already getting.

- There's a bit of a plausibility gap with the villain... unless the villain has a lot more going on than seems, I find it unlikely that he could track down three of the heaviest hitters when they're alone without anyone finding out or interfering. If it has access to otherworldly information sources, pocket dimensions to avoid intruders, or something else, then this seems like important information that could be pretty easily injected (otherwise other readers might wonder, too).

There's also the problem of the arms race with superheroes. Sure, a hero might deflect pistol shots, but what about rifles? Armour-piercing ammunition? Grenades? Shaped charges? Nuclear missiles? In a different game I had a hero who was scoffed at for his puny power of generating liquids of his choice, but he would deliver coup-de-graces on villians in the form of a fifty-gallon drum of nitroglycerin dropped from a helicopter (messy, but in the game mechanics virtually nothing survived).

Our villain (and Statesman) do pretty well against any other single superhero, but is that really a threat to the world? In the battle we get to see, Statesman never lays a hand on him... so far as we know one AoE attack will wipe the fella out. This might be pretty easy to close up, too.

- It seems out of character to me for Statesman to lose his cool. His powers are supposed to come from some kind of focued willpower, after all.

- If 'a problem' is important enough for Flare to wake up Adam, why does Flare first ingore Adam's advice and then belittle the problem and suggest no interference is necessary?

I think you could stand to be more descriptive. Mystic flare wakes the hero up... is he in the same room or a phone or something else (we learn he's in the room later, but it seems confusing initially)? Is there anything distinctive that lets Adam recognize the voice? How does he experience waking up? And this is just one point. The more you describe instead of tell, the more immersive the story will be. A point you might want to pay particular attention to is the mind-reading scene - this is something none of us do, so we'll need extra help knowing what it's like to read someone's mind and experience they're memories (again, we can piece some of it together later, but it would be nice to be more experiential and less puzzling).

Also, at some points it doesn't quite read like something a person would say. The tale is told in first person, after all. Sitting up in bed, Flare grabs the remote and flicks on the TV. Why do you also mention it's in your room? Is there some reason he might turn on TVs in other rooms or does your hero have a number of beds distributed around? You might want to try reading it aloud and seeing if that's the kind of thing you would say. Or recite the story as if you were actually telling it to another person.

Give it a severe editing no less than a half dozen times, looking at different aspects each time. One bestselling author used to write a new story every Monday and revise it every other day of the week until he put it away on Sunday. You'll know you're done when every paragraph makes you smile at the way you've done it and you have very good reasons why you've made every mistake (no matter what you do, someone's going to think there's something wrong). Or maybe when there's just nothing more you can possibly do to make it better. Just do it.

A typical publisher recieves so many submissions that if they read more than a paragraph of most of them they would have time for nothing else. Likewise, I would find it surprising if they had the time to respond to the vast, vast majority of their submissions. Their web site says that by submitting you cede all rights to the story to them (or something like that), so they needn't even contact you for permission and legal wrangling even if they use something you send.

That being said, it would be nice to know if they are negotiable about such things at all. I, for one, would not be willing to wholly relinquish ownership... there are other venues where it's not required or even asked. I can see why they might stick on it for the sake of simplicity, but they may miss out on some good stuff by doing so.

Just my 2 influence.

PS: If you can't write a compelling 1000-word story, how are you ever going to summarize your book for publishers? (: