The Chaos Saga: A CoH Fanfiction Story




This is the first Chapter of a Story I wrote, involving some of my Characters and many of the "Main Characters" of City of Heros (i.e. Statesman, Backstreet Brawler, Sister Psyche, etc.) If you read this, I'd appreciate posting any feedback on it, what you liked, what you didn't like, if you'd like to see more, etc. If I get enough feed back on this, I'll definitely continue the story. Enjoy!


"And he just came through like this?" I asked, observing the man in the hospital bed at Portal Corp.
"It was just a routine scouting mission," The Portal Corp. scientist said. "New universes are found all the time, you know. We sent several scouting parties into each new universe found. This particular person came from Universe COH-666, which was one of the many new universes found just today! Apparently, he found the open portal and jumped through. He was badly wounded, and we of course provided immediate medical assistance. We were planning on sending him back to his universe once we were done searching, but..." The scienitist's voice trailed off.
"You had to shut down the Portal." I said, reading his mind. I hadn't planned on using my Mind Powers on him, as I usually only used them on the various Villains I fought. However, it didn't take a Mind Controller to figure out that he was hiding something. "That team was lost, presumably dead. You want me to scan his mind so you can learn more information about his universe. You wanted to get Statesman, but he's tied up in an investigation involving that new Super Villain, Lord Recluse, so you want me to file a report afterwards so Portal Corp. can review it later and determine if it's of enough importance to alert the Freedom Phalanx. You're also angry that I pried into your mind, because you wanted to keep me out of the loop as much as possible." I smiled. He forced a fake smile back. "Don't worry, I'm just as interested in his universe as you are."
The scientist began to leave the room. He stopped at the door.
"One more thing, Supernovus." He narrowed his eyes. "Before he lost consciousness, he kept on mumbling the same word over and over."
"Chaos, right?" I smiled. He forced the same fake smile as before.
"Rember to file that report." He said as he slammed the door.
I turned to the man and concentrated. I entered his mind, and soon found myself in his world.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in Paragon City, apparently. I saw the man, and was surprised to see that he was just a child. I laughed to myself; I was in one of his childhood memories. I took a moment to fly around the city, and found that it was amazingly similiar to our universe, but with one incredible difference: Crime was almost non-existant. I found a newstand, and discovered why. Apparently, in this universe, Statesman and many other heroes (Heoroes were just as numerous in this universe as there are in ours) were able to defeat all of the Arch-Villains that still plagued our world. The Vahzilok, 5th Column, Clockwork, even the Skulls and Hellions were gone; thanks to the teamwork of the many heroes in this universe, crime was practically a thing of the past.
The Newspaper in my hand disappeared; I was progressing in the man's memories. I looked to see that he was a teenager now, and he was looking at the sky. I followed his gaze, and gasped. The sky was pitchblack. I looked closer, and saw what looked like a meteor falling to the earth. I progressed further in the man's memories, and found myself in his apartment, with his family. They were watching the news,their eyes glued to the TV. A Special Report was on... every news station was covering this. Apparently, the Black Meteorite from space had crashed in Paragon City, and several heroes were approaching it. The camera zoomed in on the Meteorite as the Heros cautiously approached it. All of a sudden, there was a bright flash, and the feed was gone. The news anchor was trying to alert the public to stay calm, and the man and his family exchanged glances; we all knew that this was no technical problem.
I progressed even farther. I was back outside, and saw Paragon City. At least, what was LEFT of Paragon City. The entire city was on fire... I scanned the sky, and saw the Statesman, staring at another figure. He was obviously a Super Villain, and I could tell he was the one who had emerged from the Meteorite. He wasn't a large, grotesque monster, as one might expect, but instead resembled a human. But I could tell he wasn't human. He wore a black trench coat, which waved in the wind, and had on a black hat that covered his face, which was hidden this way. A dark aura seemed to surround him, and even on the ground I could feel power resonate from his body. Statesman spoke.
"I've faced many Villains, but never one so cold and heartless as you!" Statesman yelled. He was angry.
"The weak deserve to die." He said simply. His voice seemed distant, unearthly, and cold. "I tested them all, at least. Each and every other 'Hero' in this world. Most of them disappointed me. The Brawler, I believe his name was, actually took some effort to defeat. And that Psychic, too. I usually surpress my true power, you see. I find it so much more THRILLING to kill those who think they actually have a chance." He chuckled a cold, heartless chuckle. "You should have seen them, Statesman. They were so sure you could beat me. They swore it, both of them, just before I killed them."
Statesman screamed and lunged, hitting him squarely in his stomach. The thing didn't even budge. Instead, an unearthly laugh bellowed from him. For the first time, I actually saw fear on Statesman's face. The being lifted his hand, and shot an enormous blast of dark energy straight at Statesman. Statesman flew back and crashed onto the street below. The battle had begun.

Statesman recovered quickly, using his speed to try and tackle the monster. The monster caught Statesman in his surprisingly normal size arms and swung Statesman around, flinging him into a nearby building. He then released a barrage of dark energy blasts from his hands, blasting the building to rubble. Statesman emerged from the rubble, obviously shaken, but still able to fight. He yelled and flew up above the creature, clasping his hands together and swinging downward in a Double-Fisted Bone Crushing Attack, aiming for the monster's skull. In the blink of an eye, the monster was behind Statesman, so close that his trenchcoat brushed against Statesmans' back. He whispered something into Statesmans' ears, so quietly that I couldn't hear it. Whatever it was, Statesman's eyes widened for only a moment as he swung his fist around, almost hitting the beast squarely in his non-visible face. With one lightning-quick movement of his head, Statesman's swing missed by a millimeter. The being grabbed Statesman's arm, and in a series of lightning-quick attacks, delivered a blow to Statesman's stomach, head, and face, knocking him down into a building which was still on fire. This time, Statesman didn't get up. I thought he was dead, but found he was just unconcious. The creature lowered himself down out of the air, and the beast grabbed Statesman by his collar, whispering something inaudible to him as he did so. I had to turn away before the monster delivered the final blow; I knew what was going to happen, and a moment later I heard the fatal explosion, the blast that signaled the death of the most beloved Hero in our world.

The rest of the man's memories were filled with horror and despair; with all of the Heros gone in this world, only destruction remained. The few people alive in this world ran, living in constant fear of the monster. The man's family was killed, one by one, in several attempts at fleeing the beast that were less than successful. I had to leave his mind at that point; my mind was already swimming with a mix of emotions.

Leaving the man's mind, I filed my report. I made sure that the man stayed in this world. "Medical and Scientific Necessity" is what I classified it as; in reality, I couldn't bear to send anyone back into that universe. I strongly requested that the universe be made off limits from ANYONE IMMEDIATELY, though it's not my decision to make. I included a VIVID description of what I saw, though, so I'm sure even the "experimental" scientists at Portal will be inclined to agree with me. I also made sure that Statesman would recieve a copy of it; I don't know how he would react to his alternate death, and I probably don't want to know. Anyway, I decided to put it behind me. I honestly thought that Portal could handle it. That was several weeks ago...

"Adam, we've got a problem!" Christoper Starr (aka Mystic Flare) woke me up from my sleep.
"What time is it?" I asked groggily, checking the clock in our rather large house.
"There's something you have to watch on the news!" He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV in my room.
"...still no word on exactly which hero is going to save Portal Corp., but apparently a joint effort between the various Supergroups have been created, and they are currently launching a huge effort find a certain newly discovered universe. They are holding certain Portal scientists as hostages, and have been trying to gather various Security Codes and Passwords to enter one specific universe. Even stragnger are the almost unlimited number of security locks centered around this one universe, leading many to believe that a great power or secret lies in this universe that the Freedom Phalanx doesn't want to get out. Back Alley Brawler and Sister Psyche have already appeared, and are asking for any Heros watching this broadcast to come and help, as they say 'Immense Danger that threatens all of Paragon' could be unleashed. They have asked us not to disclose the universe's Portal Code, as it might help the many Villains in Portal Corp. to unlock..." I shut the TV off.
"Christopher, call everyone, the whole group." I said trying to sound calm. I wasn't very convincing, though; my chest was heaving, I was covered in sweat, and my heart was beating so fast and hard I thought it would explode out of my chest. Christopher noticed this.
"Adam, what is..." He began. I knew we didn't have time for questions, though. It would have to wait.
"NOW!!!" I screamed as hard as I could. He looked at me.
"Adam, with all those Heros helping, they can beat whatever is there, even without our help."
"You're right, Christopher." I said solemnly. "If he gets out, we won't have to fight. We'll already know the outcome: He wins."


So, what did you think? Please Post Reviews!

Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic



I like how you managed to describe it so well with not much detail. Keep up the good work. =)




Hm. All right, here's my critique. But understand that a critique is sometimes critical. Allow me to add that I wouldn't bother writing so much unless I thought you had something to work with here. Because I want to be constructive, I make a lot of suggestions, but you are the author... take them, reject them, or do something else. It's your baby, I'm just telling you what's wrong with it (in my opinion).

I'd say it's Ok... I'm not sure I really identified much with the hero, who seems overconfident and somewhat rude to me. For most of the tale there is also no real tension... memories are nowhere near as threatening as realities (you might want to start your story the other way around - Flare walks in with the news, Adam freaks out, and the rest can be told as a flashback where Adam explains or just as a memory). The major issues I have are:

- You spend much of the second paragraph hitting us with an expository lump in the form of the scientist saying, 'Here's a bunch of things about portal corp.' The general rule for lumps is that they should be excluded unless they are absolutely necessary for the story or otherwise add significantly to it. If you remove everything but the first and last sentance...

"It was just a routine scouting mission," the scientist said. "We were planning on sending him back to his universe once we were done searching, but..." The scienitist's voice trailed off.

We can infer from this that he's unwelcome and from another universe, and you mentioned in the first paragraph and later that he's wounded. Bada-bing bada-boom.

Likewise, it doesn't make much sense for a scientist to have to explain a lot about his company to someone who presumably knows enough about it to have access they would rather give to heavy hitters.

And while we're on that paragraph, doesn't the scientist have a name? Our telepathic hero should know that as easily as everything else, or if he doesn't even care that much you could mention it and reinforce the cocky vibe I was already getting.

- There's a bit of a plausibility gap with the villain... unless the villain has a lot more going on than seems, I find it unlikely that he could track down three of the heaviest hitters when they're alone without anyone finding out or interfering. If it has access to otherworldly information sources, pocket dimensions to avoid intruders, or something else, then this seems like important information that could be pretty easily injected (otherwise other readers might wonder, too).

There's also the problem of the arms race with superheroes. Sure, a hero might deflect pistol shots, but what about rifles? Armour-piercing ammunition? Grenades? Shaped charges? Nuclear missiles? In a different game I had a hero who was scoffed at for his puny power of generating liquids of his choice, but he would deliver coup-de-graces on villians in the form of a fifty-gallon drum of nitroglycerin dropped from a helicopter (messy, but in the game mechanics virtually nothing survived).

Our villain (and Statesman) do pretty well against any other single superhero, but is that really a threat to the world? In the battle we get to see, Statesman never lays a hand on him... so far as we know one AoE attack will wipe the fella out. This might be pretty easy to close up, too.

- It seems out of character to me for Statesman to lose his cool. His powers are supposed to come from some kind of focued willpower, after all.

- If 'a problem' is important enough for Flare to wake up Adam, why does Flare first ingore Adam's advice and then belittle the problem and suggest no interference is necessary?

I think you could stand to be more descriptive. Mystic flare wakes the hero up... is he in the same room or a phone or something else (we learn he's in the room later, but it seems confusing initially)? Is there anything distinctive that lets Adam recognize the voice? How does he experience waking up? And this is just one point. The more you describe instead of tell, the more immersive the story will be. A point you might want to pay particular attention to is the mind-reading scene - this is something none of us do, so we'll need extra help knowing what it's like to read someone's mind and experience they're memories (again, we can piece some of it together later, but it would be nice to be more experiential and less puzzling).

Also, at some points it doesn't quite read like something a person would say. The tale is told in first person, after all. Sitting up in bed, Flare grabs the remote and flicks on the TV. Why do you also mention it's in your room? Is there some reason he might turn on TVs in other rooms or does your hero have a number of beds distributed around? You might want to try reading it aloud and seeing if that's the kind of thing you would say. Or recite the story as if you were actually telling it to another person.

Give it a severe editing no less than a half dozen times, looking at different aspects each time. One bestselling author used to write a new story every Monday and revise it every other day of the week until he put it away on Sunday. You'll know you're done when every paragraph makes you smile at the way you've done it and you have very good reasons why you've made every mistake (no matter what you do, someone's going to think there's something wrong). Or maybe when there's just nothing more you can possibly do to make it better. Just do it.



(Author's Note: Edited! It's alot better now!)
Well, I haven't had alot of Feedback, but...
For the few of you who have read the First Chapter, here's CHAPTER 2!!!
A couple quick things:
-I'm going to switch the narration from a 1st Person Style to a 3rd Person Style. I don't know if anyone will mind this, but it will make it ALOT easier for me to continue this Story!
-Now that I'm writing in 3rd Person, there will be points (specifically, in this next Chapter) where I'll leave the characters from a previous Chapter (Temporarily, of course!) to introduce several new Characers. If you get confused, or don't know what's going on at the time, don't worry: It will all come together, I promise!
-And, as always, Please Please PLEASE send Feedback! Thanks! Now, on with the Story!


The Chaos Saga: The Calm Before the Storm

Dr. Lumina looked out of the window of Portal Corporation. The many Paragon Police and SWAT vehicles had already been taken care of, and only the charred remains of some mufflers and occasional burning tires were left of them. The real threat, of course, were the brightly decorated and extraordinarily gifted individuals advancing on the premeses, despite the droves of Vahzilok Eidolons, Tsoo Enforcers, and 5th Column Reserei Fists fighting (unsuccessfully) to keep them at bay. Dr. Lumina turned away from the window, and eyed his hostages. They were tied to chairs in the small conference room, their hands and feet bound by rope to the wooden conferce chairs.
"I'm tired of these games!" He said, grabbing onto the arms of the chair that a nearby Scientist was in leaning forward so he was hovering over the him. "Tell me now: Just how many of these locks are there?" He narrowed his eyes at the 3 Portal Corp. Scientists, his eyes hardly visible behind the black shawl covering his face.
"I told you, we're all just lower employees! You monsters already killed most of-"
His partner starting coughing uncontrollably for a few moments, looking at the Scientist who was being questioned intently.
"I mean, ALL of the Lead Scientists that-" Unfortunately, his Freudian slip had already been noticed by Dr. Lumina.
"What are the names of the remaining Lead scientists?!" Dr. Lumina hissed, grabbing the Scientist by the throat and moving his own head so close to the Scientist that he could smell Dr. Lumina's foul breath. "THE NAMES!!" Dr. Lumina repeated.
The door swung open as Capt. Ein interrupted the interrogation.
"Dr. Lumina, several of ze Heroes are already inside ze bulding!" Capt. Ein said, his voice sharp and solemn despite the nature of his news.
"Let me see!" Dr. Lumina said, tipping the Scientist's chair over and beginning to storm out of the room. The Scienitist coughed loudly lay helplessly on the floor. Dr. Lumina stopped at the door.
"Musashi!" Dr. Lumina yelled. A bright light filled the hallway as the Tsoo Sorcerer appeared next to Dr. Lumina using his Teleportation technique.
"Yes, Lumina?" Musashi asked, his voice deep and bellowing.
"I want you to stay in here and watch these men! If they get out of line, kill them!" Dr. Lumina demanded.
"No problem." Musashi responded, a wicked smile on his face.

Dr. Lumina proceeded to the Main Chamber of Portal Corp., where Capt. Ein was already viewing the Securtiy Monitors. The Monitors showed several Heroes mowing down the Minions of the Tsoo, Vahzilok, and 5th Column. "How many have made it in?" Dr. Lumina asked.
"Eight." Capt. Ein answered. "They're being led by ze Back Alley Brawler and Sister Psyche, apparently."
"And Statesman?" Dr. Lumina asked, fear in his voice.
"No, he's not with them... I actually haven't heard about him in a vile..." Capt. Ein scratched his chin. "Ve usually can't get through a veek vithout him interfering vith our vork..." He concentrated his focus on the monitors again. "Anyway, I'd say ve have about 10 minutes, maybe less, before zey reach ze main chamber. Vat information did you get?"
"Those insignifigant Scientists were no help." Dr. Lumina said. "But I was able to find out that there may be some higher-ranked scientists still alive. If we find them, we can get into that universe."
"My follower on the inside said that the universe contains a great evil power. Once we find a way to control it, we'll be unstoppable! Not even Statesman will be able to stop us!" Capt. Ein and Dr. Lumina laughed maniacally.
"I know just how to find those Scientists..." Capt. Ein said, scratching his chin and smiling wickedly. "Bring all ze Scientists to ze main chamber!"

The Tsoo Enforcer slashed downward with his sword, aiming at the top of Back Alley Brawler's skull. Back Alley Brawler grabbed ths ninja's hand with his left hand and used his right hand to deliver a blow to the ninja's head, sending him flying across the room until he crashed into a lab table, knocking him unconscious. The Team was working their way through one of the many lab rooms in Portal Corp. This one was usually white and perfectly sterile; now it was a rainbow of colors and definitely NOT sterile. The Tsoo, 5th Column, and Vahzilok resistance inside was more than what had been orginally planned, but the team had been able to deal with everything Villains threw at them. Unfortunately, Back Alley Brawler didn't see the Vahzliok Abomination sneak up behind him while he had been dealing with the Enforcer. He turned just in time to see the corpse raise it's arm and...
The Abomination is blasted away, courtesy of one of Sister Psyche's energy bolts.
A less experienced Hero would stop and thank Sister Psyche at this point, but the Backstreet Brawler knew better than to talk in the middle of a battle, especially when time is of the essence. He smiled to himself. Sister Psyche had proposed the idea to the many Heroes who showed up to help with the situation, and they all agreed on the plan: Most of the Heroes would charge Portal Corp., causing the Villains to release many or all of their minions to stop them. Then, while the Heroes kept the Minions busy outside Portal Corp., one small team of Heroes would be able to sneak inside. Back Alley Brawler and Sister Psyche chose six others, who were fighting alongside them surprisingly well.
"Heh, now THIS is a battle!" Mr. Demolition laughed, happily blasting away at several Vahzilok. His hair was rather unkempt for a hero (his attitude even more so), but he definitely knew had to handle a weapon. He was wearing a black leather coat and black leather pants, complimenting his costume with black metal boots, black sunglasses and a Utility Belt.
"Um... some help would be nice?" Molecula yelled, being overrun by Tsoo Enforcers. Her skin was blue, the result of a Science Experiment gone wrong (like they always do in CoH), resulting in her ability to manipulate matter. Her hair was a red hue, and she wore a one-piece yellow costume that had the symbol of an Atom on it. Fairly simple attire.
"I'm on it." Kinship said, her sweet voice uncommonly solemn. Kinship had wanted to be a nurse when she was young, and her teachers noted how she always seemed to be able to make people feel better, both mentally and physically. Then one day, her pet dog was hit by a car. Kinship was able to heal the dog just by touching it, and the rest is, as they say, history. She was wearing a white tank top and red shorts, with red stilletos and a white mask covering her face (along with her long, blonde hair). A Red Cross symbol on her tank top finished off her costume.
"I sense some innocents nearby," Ryo Kempo said as he knocked out a Nacht Fist. Ryo Kempo was born and raised in Japan, where he studied in a Dojo the art of Kempo Ninjitsu. He was to be the next Dojo Sensei, but when the Tsoo came and razed his Dojo, leaving him as the sole student of Kempo Ninjitsu, he came to Paragon City in a quest of vengence. His costume honors the outfit that students of Kempo Ninjitsu wore, a white robe and white bottoms with black sandals and a black bandanna. He used a scolding hot piece of metal to burn the emblem of his clan into his chest, so he would never forget his quest.
"What's that over there?" Mirage Commander asked as he gave nearby Tsoo an impression that demons were surrounding them. Mirage Commander never discussed his origns; his outfit was a blue hood, with a purple spandex top and purple spandex bottom. He had a white, mystical artifact implanted in his chest, though why and how it's used is unknown.

"Hey, Brawler!" Molecula called, waving her slender hand to signal the rest of the group. "I think this is the door to the main chamber." She gestured to the Triple-Reinforced Titanium doors in front of her. A silence fell over the group.
"We don't have the passcode." Kinship said, stating the obvious.
"I got the passcode right here." Mr. Demolition said, patting his weapon. He unleashed a volley of Buckshots at the door, which subsequently richocheted around the entire metal-plated room. Mr. Demoltion cursed and unloaded his M30 Grenade into the door, which exploded on contact. The door remained unscathed. Back Alley Brawler looked yelled at him to stop it. Mr. Demolition, breathed hard, then looked down at his utility belt.
"It's not easy to get these..." Mr. Demolition thougt as he looked at the door.
"Ah, *&%$ it!" Mr. Demolition said, pulling out a Time Bomb from his utility belt. He planted it on the door. Molecula and Sister Psyche encased everyone in Deflection Shields as he did so. Once the Bomb was in place, Mr. Demolition triggered it and stood back. 15 seconds later, the doors to the main chamber blew open.

Capt. Ein viewed the crowd of Scientists, the whole amount of their hostages numbering around 50. The Abominations and Nebel Officers guarded all the exits, making sure no one got in or out. Musashi was also in the room, his sharp eyes overlooking every Scientist.
"Now zen, we know that at least one among you has ze access codes for ze universe we seek!" Capt. Ein declared, pacing back and forth in front of the scientists in a Fascist march. "Let it be known to those scientists that, if you do not give us ze access codes IMMEDIATELY, we veel kill Scientists at random, until the one ve are looking for is found!" Capt. Ein grabbed the closest scientists and took out a pistol.
"This is your last chance!" Capt. Ein said, placing the barrel of the pistol to the man's temple. "One..." He cocked the pistol. "Two..." He began to squeeze the trigger.
"Wait!" An elderly scientist cried, standing up. "Don't shoot him! I'm the one you're looking for!"

The door to the main portal blasted open just as the final access codes were inputted into the Portal Corp. mainframe. The hollow Portal suddenly became alive with light, signaling the door to Dimension COH-666 was open.
"Heroes!" Dr. Lumina hissed.
"The Portal!" Sister Psyche cried.
"Get them!" Capt. Ein yelled.
"Don't let them get into that Portal!" Brawler yelled as the final crowd of minions bore down on them.
"Quickly, to the portal!" Dr. Lumina screamed as he, Musashi, and Capt. Ein ran for the portal.
"I don't think so." Molecula whispered as she concentrated. Soon, Dr. Lumina, Musashi, and Capt. Ein found they could hardly crawl as they were enraptured in Molecula's "Crushing Field" ability.
"Mirage Commander, you know that new power of yours?" Ryo Kempo asked as he evaded a Mortificator's dart.
"Yeah?" Mirage Commander asked.
"I think it's time we tested it out!" Ryo yelled as he header for the Control Panel. Mirage Commander held out his hands and and concentrated on both Ryo Kempo and the enemies surrounding him.
"Fulcrom Shift!" He yelled as the power of the enemies around him were transferred to Ryo Kempo. Ryo Kempo then focused of all of his newfound power on an Eagle Claw Kick, aimed stragiht at the Control Panel.
It felt like the entire world rocked as a tremendous burst of light emerged from the Portal. Eventually, the light settled back into the Portal, as normal. But the light had changed. It no longer emitted a bright, white light; instead, the light was a swirl of various colors, constantly shifting. But the monitor still read COH-666.
"Is everyone alright?" Backstreet Brawler asked as he got up.
Slowly, everyone answered affirmatively. Except for Molecula; the shock had knocked her out.
"But wait..." Kinship asked, looking around. "Where are those three bad guys?"
"Oh, no..." Sister Psyce said, looking down at Molecula, then back at the portal. "They must have run in when Molecula's hold on them disappeared!"
"First thing's first, Brawler." Sister Psyche said, placing her hand on Brawler's shoulder. "The hostages."
One of the scientists, who had recovered quicker than the others, tried desperately to get the Control Panel back online.
"Is that Portal still going to THAT universe?" Brawler asked.
"Yes," The elderly scientist replied, getting up and rubbing his head. "And no. The effect that you see now," he said, gesturing to the rainbow of colors emitting from the Portal. "Is a result of an imbalance in the Space-Time Continuum. It should fix itself in about an hour or two..." He went over to the Control Panel and tried to salvage it as best he could.
"What do you mean, 'yes and no'? Which is it?" Brawler asked.
"Well, they ARE going to Universe COH-666," the scientist said, pressing a few buttons on the Control Panel. "It's not a question of WHERE, you see, it's a question of WHEN." The Control Panel sparked, and a digital number 12 appeared on the screen. "You see, they're in that universe as it was 12 years ago."

OK, I know that was long, and the last Chapter was probably better, but TRUST me, the story gets ALOT more interesting in the coming chapters! (I should know! )
Now, to keep things interesting, I'm going to be giving a little "Coming Attraction" at the end of each chapter so you can look forward to the new Chapter!
On the next Chapter...

So, it looks like the evil Dr. Lumina, Musashi, and Capt. Ein made it into the universe after all! But what will they see in that universe as it was 12 years ago?
What's this? No crime? A Perfect Paragon City?
And finally, the Team finds the Black Meteorite and that monster known as Chaos... Wait a minute? What's that? That doesn't look like the creature we saw in Chapter 1! What's going on?

Answers on the next Chapter:

The Chaos Saga: The Monster from the Meteorite!
(I'm gonna get bad Feedback for sure... )

Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic



Thanks for the Feedback, Dr. Why!
(By the way, I only saw your post AFTER I finished the 2nd Chapter, so... Yeah, I would've reviewed it more if I saw your post first)
Well, you found one of my worst attributes when writing: Detail!
I'm still trying to perfect it, as you probably can see I put too much detail where it's not needed and too little detail where it IS needed... oh, well, this is what feedback is for! I'll definitely take your advice to heart when writing my next chapter
One thing, though: I know Statesman's not supposed to "Lose his Cool", but I mean, COME ON! His two closest friends and every other hero are DEAD! I'd be scared if Statesman DIDN'T get angry in that situation! So that's the way I wrote him
By the way, I AM going to go into how the monster (his name's "Chaos", by the way) is affected by MANY attacks in the CoH universe. Thanks again for the Review!

Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic



OK, Reviews and Feedback have been slow
For those of you who have been reading my story, if you have ANY Feedback, POSITIVE or NEGATIVE, PLEASE PLEASE POST IT!!!! (Seriously, I'm at the point where even a "This Story Sucks!!!!" Reply would be appreciated! )
Anyway, for those of you who read Chapters 1 and 2, here's CHAPTER 3!!!! From here on in, things get VERY Interesting, Trust me on this!
And now, without further ado, here it is:

The Chaos Saga: The Monster from the Meteorite

"I can't believe we're over an hour late..." Supernovus said as he used his Group Fly ability to fly his Team over the waters of Paragon. He was heading to Peregrine Island, to assist in the siege of Portal Corp.
"Hey, it's not my fault!" Thunder Crush said as he shot a glance at Aurora Blast. "Someone should learn to get ready quicker!"
"Hello? I was woken up at 5 in the morning!" Aurora Blast said. "I looked in the mirror after I took my shower and could hardly recognize my self! There was no way I was going out looking like THAT!"
"It's a shame you couldn't pick up some of your sister's habits." Radiationshield shook her head. "You REALLY need to organize your priorities!"
"She got it from our mother." Sword Strike X said. "Our father was ALOT more strict with those things while I grew up in Kyoto."
"Stop reminiscing and focus." Shadowhand said sharply. "We have a VERY important mission coming up, and we should use this time to STRATEGIZE."
"Well, if Adam is correct, and the creature in this universe is as powerful as he says, we could be in for quite a battle..." Mystic Flare said.
"Hey, I see the Island ahead!" Solarblaze said.
"We'll be there soon, guys. Get ready!" Supernovus said as they approached the island.

The Portal opened up and dumped Dr. Lumina, Musashi, and Capt. Ein in the middle of Atlas Park. The Portal continued to stay open as they composed themselves and looked around.
"Is this the right universe?" Dr. Lumina asked Capt. Ein.
"I don't know. Ze contact ve had on ze inside vas only able to get ze Universe's coordinates, not a description." Capt. Ein said as he looked around the peaceful park. There wasn't a Skull or Hellion to be found.
"This doesn't seem the place that a 'Great Power' would be located. Your contact must have been mistaken." Musashi said to Capt. Ein.
"Ve don't know zat yet, Musashi. Let's see search ze city for any buildings or signs zat might suggest vere to begin our search." Capt. Ein said as he started off in one direction. He was suddenly hit by a Lightning Bolt, the blast damaging his arm.
"What was that?" Dr. Lumina asked as he looked around. He suddenly felt something very hot hit his head. Then his shoulders. Then his whole body. He was in the middle of a Rain of Fire! He tried to run, but then realized his legs were frozen in place by a Chillblain.
"I haven't seen the likes of you three for years." A Hero said as he Hovered above them. There were two other Heros Hovering behind him, both women. "But no matter. You won't be able to stand up against The Trinity!" He and the two women began to pose.
(Cue Background Theme Music)
"Tri Lightning!" The man said, lifting his left arm and making the "Victory" sign with his hand.
"Tri Fire!" One of the women said, blowing a kiss and winking at her opponents.
"Tri Ice!" The other women said, standing upright and pointing at her opponents.
"And together, we are: The Trinity!" The three said in unison as they held their poses.
(End Background Theme Music)
Of course, by this time Musashi had Group Teleported Dr. Lumina, Capt. Ein, and himself elsewhere. The Trinity fell down in surprise.
"Well, they couldn't have gotten far..." Tri Ice said as they composed themselves.
"I can't believe they left during our introduction!" Tri Fire pouted. "That's just rude..."
Suddenly, 8 Heroes seemed to fall from the sky onto the street.
"What the...?" Tri Lightning yelled in surprise as he looked up into the sky. Unfortunately, the Portal had closed by that time, so he didn't see anything. "Where did all of you come from?"
"That's not important." Backstreet Brawler said, still a little groggy as a result of their trip. "We need to..." He stopped short as he looked around, realizing his surroundings for the first time. "This is VERY different from the way Marcus described it..." He said, looking around.
"I see." Sister Psyche said, reading The Trinity's mind. "THIS Paragon City is perfectly safe right now. We must have traveled back far enough to before Chaos appeared."
"Who's Chaos?" Tri Lightning asked, still confused as ever.
"Where the hell did those three get to?" Mr. Demolition asked, looking around as he patted his gun.
"Oh, those three old Villains who were just here?" Tri Fire asked. "They just got away."
"You mean you couldn't stop them?" Kinship asked.
"No, they Teleported away..." Tri Ice said as she eyed the new Heroes. "They're probably somewhere around here..."
"Shouldn't Chaos have appeared by now in this universe?" Backstreet Brawler whispered to Sister Psyche so the Trinity didn't hear.
Sister Psyche was already paying attention to the sky, though. "I think he just did." She said, pointing to small dot in the sky that was increasing in size incredibly fast.
In three minutes, the astral object was large enough to easily idenify (Based on Statesman's Description) as the Meteor that held Chaos. The citizens of this Paragon soon took notice and The Trinity and Backstreet Brawler's group stopped chatting as they saw the object. The object also caught the eye of the only three Villains in THIS Paragon, who were hiding inside the entrance of the Sewers.

"What do you mean we can't go in?!" Mystic Flare yelled as the group stood in the Main Chamber at Portal Corp, talking to the Lead Scientist.
"Look, do you think it's easy to control the very fabric of Space-Time? Especially with a broken Control Panel? That Portal is unstable at BEST! I didn't even want to let the other group of Heroes in, but the Brawler wouldn't listen to me... I don't what will happen with this Portal! It's just too dangerous!" He folded his arms with finality.
"You're worried about what might happen if we get trapped in there, right?" Supernovus said as he read the scientist's mind. "Look, we are willing to take our chances, OK? We have to make sure that what's in that universe doesn't get in THIS universe, OK?"
The Lead Scientist sighed, shook his head, and uncrossed his arms. "Well, if you must go, go. I can't stop you. Just remember-"
"Try to get out as soon as possible, right?" Solarblaze smiled. She winked at her brother, Supernovus. "Don't worry, we'll be fine!" She called back as the 8 Heroes disappeared into the Portal.

In the alternate Paragon, the Meteor finally collided into Paragon, making a huge crater as it landed in Steel Canyon. Musashi quickly Teleported the trio of Villains straight to the Crash Site.
"Holy *&%$, it landed in Steel Canyon!" Mr. Demolition yelled as the group ran/flew through Atlas Park, dodging the panicking Paragon Citizens as they made their way to the Train Station.
"We have to hurry!" Molecula cried as they ran up to the Train Station... and into a Police Officer.
"I'm sorry, folks, but the Meteor's destroyed a section of the Train Tracks! We're closed!" The Police officer said, motioning for them to move on.
"Looks like we're footing it." Mirage Commander said as they ran/flew down the Tunnel leading to Steel Canyon.
"Some of us can fly." Tri Fire laughed.
"Would someone please explain what the hell's going on?" Tri Lightning asked.
"No time. We have to get to that Meteor NOW!" Sister Psyche said as she flew ahead of the others.

A group of reporters and some of the city's Hero's approached the meteor.
"Are we ready?" The Paragon Reporter asked the Cameraman as he straightened out his hair.
"We're live in 5, 4, 3, 2..." The Cameraman signaled the Reporter. The Reporter began his broadcast:
"Thanks, Tom, I'm standing next to the Meteor, which appears to have landed in the South West corner of Steel Canyon. Train Lines are down and Electricity in Steel Canyon is out. I'm going to try and get a closer look as this small band of Heores tries to assess just what this thing is..." The Reporter looked and saw that the Heroes were fighting some Villains. "A New Development! Right now, it appears that the Heroes are engaged in a battle with some Villains! You heard right, Tom, it appears that some Villains have in fact resurfaced and are currently fighting with the Heroes, I'm going to-"
Musashi Teleported next tot the Reporter and hit him on the back of the head, knocking him out. Musashi then grabbed the camera and smashed it on the ground. "Show's over." He said as the Cameraman ran away. He turned to his partners, who had finished disposing of the Heroes. "Let's do what we came here for." He said as he approached the Meteor. He was suddenly knocked back by an Energy Blast.
"Don't take another step towards that Meteorite!" Mystic Flare said as Supernovus' Team landed and surrounded the three Villains.
"Who the Hell are you guys?" Dr. Lumina hissed.
"That doesn't matter. What matters is that you aren't getting near that rock." Thunder Crush said.
Just then, Brawler's Team arrived on the scene, along with The Trinity.
"Hey, who are you guys?" Brawler asked.
Before Supernovus could answer, a large rumbling came from the Meteor. Supernovus, Brawler, and Sister Psyche were faster than everyone else.
"Get Back!" Brawler yelled as Supernovus and Sister Psyche protected everyone in Deflection Shields. Musashi Teleported the Villains to a reasonable distance from the Meteor.
The Meteor exploded open, a bright light encompassing the area as the shockwave knocked everyone back, despite Deflection Shields.
"No... we're too late..." Supernovus whispered as the smoke from the explosion cleared.
But it wasn't what Supernovus was expecting. The Creature was monstrously huge, had long, black arms and legs and a long, black tail, as well as tendrils protruding from it's head where hair should've been. But it's eyes. It's eyes were narrow and red, and it growled with an unearthly tone. What was this Creature?
"Well, it never hurts to try!" Brawler said as he lunged at the creature. He hit the creature with everything he had... and the Creature FLEW back into the wall of the Canyon, and hit it so hard that a landslide collapsed on him. The Creature roared and emerged from the rubble of the landslide, shaken but still ready to fight.
"We can take him." Mr. Demolition smiled as he fired his Buckshot. It hit the Creature, who reeled from it, but recovered quickly as he lunged at Mr. Demolition. Unfortunately for the Creature, Thunder Crush got between them.
"Go to Hell!" Thunder Crush yelled as he punched him with an Energy Punch. The Creature was knocked back. Tri Fire unleashed her Rain of Fire, and Tri Ice Chillblained the Creatured feet so he couldn't escape. The Creature was in pain, but not burned from the attack. All of a sudden, Musashi, Dr. Lumina, and Capt. Ein emerged and attacked.
Mushashi struck Tri Lightning, causing him to turn around and hit him with a Ball of Lightning. Dr. Lumina attacked Ryo Kempo, who sensed it coming, dodged, and counter-attacked with a Storm Kick. Capt. Ein fired his shotgun at Sister Psyche, who protected herself with a Personal Force Field and then hit him with a Mental Blast.
"This is TOO easy!" Mr. Demolition laughed as he fired his M30 grenade at the Creature.
He's right, this is too easy, Supernovus thought. Chaos was alot stronger in the man's memories. What's going on?
All of a sudden, the Creature Teleported right next to Dr. Lumina. He seized the Doctor in his right hand and the Doctor began to... DISAPPEAR into his body! The Creature's hand seemed to "ooze" over the Doctor, as if he was "absorbing" him!
"What the *$%& is that?" Mr. Demolition asked, shocked. Soon, Dr. Lumina was completely absorbed into the Creature.
"What the f-" In the blink of an eye, the Creature Teleported and grabbed Capt. Ein and Musashi. In a matter of seconds, they were gone, absorbed by the Creature.
"So... who's side is this guy on?" Kinship asked.
"Not ours!" Brawler yelled, punching the Creature again. The Creature flew back... and into the Exit Portal that had just appeared out of thin air. The Creature Disappeared into the Portal.
"GET HIM!!!" Brawler yelled, jumping into the Portal. The 20+ Heroes followed him. Soon, they were all back in Portal Corp.
"Oh my God!" Aurora Blast cried as they saw the Creature standing over the corpses of several Portal Corp. Scientists who were unfortunate enough to be standing by the Portal when the Creature came through. The Creature turned as he saw the Heroes.
"Say 'Hello' to my Little Friend!" Mr. Demolition said as he fired a Full Auto from his gun. The Creature's head was blown off. His body slumped to the floor, then disappeared.
"See? That wasn't so hard." Mr. Demolition said, laughing.
"Nice job, kid! Nice job!" Thunder Crush laughed along with him.
"Is it over?" Solarblaze whispered to her brother as the other Heroes were congratulating each other.
Supernovus narrowed his eyes. "I don't think so..." He said.
"What the Hell was all the-" The Lead Scientist stopped short as he saw the Heroes and bodies in the Main Chamber. He stared, raised his hand to say something, then lowered his hand. "I don't even want to know." He said as he stormed back to the Control Panel.

The Creature's body lay on the grass in a remote clearing in OUR Paragon. It had Teleported there by itself once it's head had been destroyed. The head of the creature regenerated in a matter of seconds. The Creature growled, looking around for the scent, the scent of Evil Energy. Soon, he detected what he was looking for. The Creature Teleported to a place known as "The Hive".
Well, that's Chapter 3! It's not over by a long shot, folks! Again, ALL Feedback/Reviews are GREATLY Appreciated! Thanks!

On the Next Chapter...

What is this Creature? Why is it differnt from what the man saw in his memories? Why isn't it as powerful? If it can absorb people, why didn't it absorb any Heroes? And will the Lead Scientist ever get the Control Panel fixed?
What's this? The Creature VS Hamidon? Why would the Creature do that? Many Questions will be Answered on the Next Chapter:

Chapter 4: The Source of Chaos's Power

Remember to Post Feedback!

Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic



Third chapter was good. I'm not an excellent writer by any means but your fight when it first landed was kind of blurry to me. Other than that, it was good.




I appreciate you Feedback, and yes, I was trying to wrap up the chapter at that point to move the story along. Trust me, the fight scenes become MUCH more detailed and exciting in the coming Chapters! I will get the next Chapter up as soon as possible! Thanks for your Review!

Supplemental Galactic Protectorate Fanfic



I have to say that this is some good writing.Also I making my own story from what I think will happen:

Chaos has defeated and absorsbed all the major evil archvillains.His power has increased to a point of unimagible scale.When Chaos first came through the portal into our dimension he had appeared weak and easy.It proves that you can never trust first looks at anything.After Chaos had defeated Hamidon all tha other archvillains were a peace of cake. by the time the Heros caught up him all live even Devouring earth live had been destroyed and/or absorbed.He attacked the heros proveing to strong even for the Mighty Back Street Brawler and Sister Psyche.All the Supergroups full of Heros aggreed to form an allianse until the new threat was over and aggreed to chose Statesman the leader of the newly formed "Ultimate Heros of the Universe"Supergroup.Every single hero that had ever been will be or is attacked Chaos On a large planet in the Zeus Nebula called KingPalace(yes that was the name of the planet)in a event that ripped the very fabric of space.While all the Heros that could shoot from a distance attacked him with everything they got the Melee Heros doing the same thing at a different distance were suddenly thrown up several hundred feet into the air by Chaos's enormous Power Burst attack.The small group of Heros to the left of Chaos however sensed the weakness,generated by the drain of having used so much energy, and hit Chaos with an attack so powerfull it destoryed the planet making the space it once occupied filled with extremely large asteriods.Chaos still not seemingly hurt at all threw several of these the large asteriods at the heros whop were soon crushed by the asteriods.Than he summoned a large Bethmoth using the powers he gained from destroying the Circle of Thorns.Than he summoned several more and direcrted them to attack the heros.A split instant later he teleported right behide Statesman who had been organizing the heros from a corindated distance and blasted him with an energy bolt so powerfull that it caused a hole ion space large enough for him to go through.Chaos jumped through the hole and gathered enough energy while in that alterate existance to ripanother hole through the space-time and using speed unimaginable attacked and defeated every single weak hero he saw.By the tiem he had finished only him and a group of several Heros in which Stateman,Back Alley Brawler,and Sister Psyche had gont to after he had jumped out of the ole in space-time.The heros swarmed him giving evrything they had and more.Chaos than used every single thing he had absorbed in a massive explosion equal to no other.Where twenty plus heros had stodd before now there was a hole from which nothing came out of.Then Chaos started destoying planet afetr planet until nothing but Chaos was letf the end.(remember I am not a great storyteller or speller but I hoped you liked it)

TW/Elec Optimization