If Steelclaw Were An Arch-Villain...

You...you fiend! Do you know what that would do?! It would doom us all!

It's the end. But the moment has been prepared for ...

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow City of Heroes is a game about freedom of expression and variety of experiences far more so than it is about representing any one theme, topic or genre.

An incident from a PnP Supers RPG involved a supervillian base with a large concrete block just inside the main door. It had a nice matte painting of an empty corridor on the forward side, done with lead paint.

I smell another list coming... and I like it.

You MONSTER! Don't you know what those catgirls will do to us!? The unrestricted breeding that will cause!? They'll swarm across the world like a swarm of locusts!

There won't be a stuffed mouse left in sight!

Okay, found the badge for the Steelclaw Strikeforce.

Clicking on the linked image above will take you off the City of Heroes site. However, the guides will be linked back here.

This one should be made by us!

I'd have to say two would be :

*Caught in Catnip Cat-tastrophe in Atlas park after doing claims adjustment for Azuria.

*Took Manticore up on offer of shower to get the cat hair off.

No, no, that's the worst part about the Dark_Respite AV fight.

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

Dark_Respite's Farewell Video: "One Last Day"
THE COURSE OF SUPERHERO ROMANCE CONTINUES!
Book I: A Tale of Nerd Flirting! ~*~ Book II: Courtship and Crime Fighting - Chap Nine live!
MA Arcs - 3430: Hell Hath No Fury / 3515: Positron Gets Some / 6600: Dyne of the Times / 351572: For All the Wrong Reasons
378944: Too Clever by Half / 459581: Kill or Cure / 551680: Clerical Errors (NEW!)

Naw, your would be a epic 30 min movie That has us all in awe so we can't react when you attack us!

Steelclaws would be a 30 min monologue that has us rolling on the floors when it ends so we're all afk and then he proceeds to beat our tushies.

*dies laughing* Especially the final one.

You, sir, have out done yourself.

Bravo

Nice try, but get with the times, man. These days 1) nearly everything is co-op, and 2) every group of meddling do-gooders includes a few trigger-happy Vigilantes.

You PANCAKE!!!

T_T

I seem to recall some 1970's types getting by with a prehistoric superhero caveman instead.


Since you're on the Arch-Villain kick, I'd love to hear your version of the Evil Overlord List.

Okay... I read the list (hilarious!) and while I agree with most of them, I'm not sure that the AV version of me would really have the same goals or the same style as your average Overlord. My AV self wouldn't be interested in ruling the world at all.. WAY too much paperwork and hassle... I think causing mayhem and making the more noir among us try valiantly to suppress laughter while pretending sympathy at my victim's plight fits the bill a little more accurately.

So... here's Arch-Villain Steelclaw's version of the Evil Overlord List...

1) My legions of the absurd will wear street clothes while on missions but back at home will wear something more like a cross between a gothic darque carnival and an upscale brothel.

2) My ventilation ducts will be large enough to crawl through but will all be pressure sensitive so anything heavier than air touching the inside walls will spring a trap that accelerates anything in them to roughly Mach 1.2. Oh, and the vents will be round and the interior walls rifled. The "exit" of said rollercoaster ride will be aimed directly at a large cement wall with a bullseye painted on it. However the bore of the vent is aimed no where near the bullseye so trespassers won't even win the Kupee doll for their troubles.

3) I'm not going to kill any relatives of mine just to protect my so-called "empire". I'm keeping a LOT of them around so that if anyone is hungering for my blood in vengeance for something I did to them I can offer a few cousins to them in hopes of sating that need. "Hey, it's not 100% MY blood but it's at least 25%.... if I give you four of them it's practically the same thing!"

4) While shooting is not too good for my enemies, I have to admit that drugging them and taking pictures of them "obviously drunk" and partying with the Carnival of Shadows to post on the internet is a lot more satisfying in the long run. Also it boosts membership sales to my website.

5) While I don't HAVE an artifact that is the source of my power, I would desperately start rumors that I do. I would also disobey rule 5 further by hiding said fake object somewhere in a far-away place... probably Lord Recluse's living room ... or maybe his john. Either way when the heroes return with the object to destroy me with it or break it to steal away my "powers" I can make a dramatic show of gasping and choking as I apparently die before them... then drop a 400 ton anvil on their heads.

6) Are you kidding? Gloating is half the fun. I will DEFINITELY gloat over their predicaments... but I will do so via a video feed from my winter home in the bahamas. Oh, and I will not limit my gloating to predicaments I created... if a hero ate a bad burrito and is agonizing the aftereffects on the toilet they can count on a video monitor popping up from their toilet tank.

7) Actually, my response will be "Armies? You think there are THAT many people around willing to follow me? I'm not the most stable Arch-Villain on the wiki list you know..."

8) If my advesary said "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" my most likely response would be "if you have to explain a joke it ceases to be funny" followed closely by "You think *I* know?"

9) After I kidnap the beautiful princess or some other attractive heroine/victim sort of person I will be setting her free almost immediately. I'll face heroes... I'll even tussle with another AV if necessary... but I'm not risking wife-aggro!

10) I will DEFINITELY include a self-destruct button, big, red with lots of signs and arrows pointing towards it. I will install such buttons practically everywhere and especially on really important gadgets in my arsenal. However, they will literally be self-destruct buttons, since pressing them will only result in the button itself popping into oblivion.

11) I won't kill infants in the first place. It's not that the Arch-Villain version of myself isn't evil enough for such things but... to be honest... I didn't think the dead-babies jokes were all that funny even when I was a kid.

12) I will interrogate my enemies wherever I want to. But since MY interrogations tend more towards the "What's your favorite color!? What's the capital of Florida?! NO! It's not Tallahassee... the capital of Florida is F you fool!" variety I don't think my captives will be coherent enough to mount an offensive.

13) I will be secure in my superiority... but I will soon be caught up in my obsession with relativity and begin stating that "well, I'm better at this but you're probably better at other things... we need to define what it is we're comparing before we can really... I KNOW! I'll make a spreadsheet and we can judge our relative superiority over several categories!"

14) I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident... actually most of my enemies won't die... except in a "public opinion"/dignity sense... and I certainly will want to take credit for being the one who coated the little dias Synapse stands on with axle grease just to see his little legs blur as he tries to keep his balance.

15) I will make it clear that I understand the meaning of "mercy"... it's mispelled french for "thank you."

16) One of my advisors will be a 5 year old child. If he doesn't laugh at my story boards of nefarious plans then I'll know it's time to scrap it. Oh, and said child will be raised on a diet of nothing but old Warner Bros and Tom and Jerry cartoons... he will NEVER be allowed to watch a Disney Feature Film.

17) All slain enemies will be stuffed with candy and sold as pinatas to underpriveleged children.

18) My undercover agents won't have any identifying marks since most of them would never admit to being associated with me in the first place. 90% of them will desperately try to use white out on your monitor to cover up the "Steelclaw Minion" assignation under their enemy title.

19) The hero is entitled to a last request which I will do my absolute best to Monkey Paw into something 10 times worse than what I had planned for them in the first place. If I can't twist it around to my amusement I'll use it as an escape plan in anticipation of things going awry.. "A BLT with extra mayo, hmmm? Okay, you wait here... I'll fly to the mainland and grab you one... oh... did you want fries with that?"

20) I will employ a countdown with a digital display but instead of numbers it will be the words of one of my favorite songs. When the song completes the device will engage. I anticipate lots of confused heroes screaming "Oh no! Is this the fourth or the fifth chorus of Hey Jude?! I've lost count!" "I think it's the extended cut! We're Doomed!"

21) I will not hire Mad Scientists... they don't bathe regularly... their hair styles get on my nerves after awhile... and they ALWAYS whip out the maniacal laughter before I've properly delivered the punch line to my jokes.

22) I WILL utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know" but it will always be followed by "Who put the bop in the bop-shebop-shebop?"

23) When I employ people as advisers I will make absolutely sure it's not another one of David Letterman's joke writers trying to infiltrate and steal my material... I'm not being fooled by THAT one again.

24) I already have a son, but I wouldn't so much worry that he would usurp my power so much as he would ruin all my punch lines by trying to add his own variation of them or tell everyone what television show I stole the joke from.

25) I already have a daughter too. I don't really have to worry so much about her as she'd be too busy reading manga and watching anime to fall for any male hero's rugged good looks. However, she WOULD make many of them extremely squeamish as she told them which OTHER male heroes she could picture them in a slash fic with.

26) I actually already practice my maniacal laughter on a daily basis so wouldn't be able to resist whipping it out when the occassion demanded. However, since MY maniacal laughter sounds a lot like a rabid cartoon chipmunk being sucked backwards through a jet engine while gargling olive oil, I think my enemies will be too busy staring at me incredulously to take advantage of my distraction.

27) I will hire a team of gothic designers to dress my minions. I will, however, keep these designers well employed since I'll likely change my mind every month or so about what I want them all wearing. "I'm tired of the Carnival look... I think I want an Alice in Wonderland theme now... oh... and less on the Burton, heavy on the McGee.."

28) I wouldn't be tempted with unlimited power in the first place... let's face it... a guy who willingly deletes high level characters to start over... and willfully creates an even MORE binding and restricting set of rules on himself over and above those already in the game... isn't really interested in unlimited power.

29) I will make sure every one of my minions is thoroughly trained in one of my two perfected and personalized hand to hand combat styles... those of Sleeping Cow Kung-Fu or Three Stooges Style Martial Arts.

30) I will maintain a realistic appraisal of my vulnerabilities and strengths. Keeping this in mind, I will bug every... EVERY... contact in Paragon City, the Rogue Isles and Praetoria (just to be sure). If any contact operating in a zone higher than an experience level I feel comfortable with mentions my name I will leave the warehouse/office building/etc they mention immediately. I may actually order my minions to dress up in Arachnos uniforms just to get the heroes, etc in question to never trust that contact again.

31) I will definitely create vulnerable spots on my devices... especially my humanoid robots. However, I will place them in locations that your average hero would be a little hesitant or squeamish about accessing in the first place. "Wait a minute... you mean I have to put my arm in between that robots buttocks? Up to the shoulder?" "Yeah, and then you'll probably need to search around a little bit... the detonation switch is kinda small... oh... and when you find it there's likely to be an explosive release of some kind... but that's okay... you're a tanker so you should survive it..." That way... even if they DO manage to destroy my indestructible robot... at least I'll get a laugh out of it.

32) If I am engaged in a duel to the death with a hero I will not bother with letting him have his weapon back to confuse him... my endless stream of 'yo mamma' insults and lewd hints about his probable ancestry will accomplish that feat...

33) I will never have an attractive member of the opposite sex, prisoner or no, sent to my bedchamber. For one thing the prisoner wouldn't HAVE to kill me... my wife would take care of that for her.