Things You WON'T Be Able to Buy With Your Paragon Points

So those of us who aspire to VIP membership will soon be earning 400 Paragon Points a month which we will be able to apply to a myriad of wonderful and whimsical things. Now, I'm sure we'll be able to purchase Costumes, temp powers, respecs and many other lovely things.

Those are boring, however.

What follows is a list of things you will definitely, uncatagorically NOT be able to purchase using your Paragon Points.

* Developer's home phone numbers.

* The Animated Atlas Statue non-combat pet.

* The full collection of Arch-Villains Gone Wild videos.

* An intimate dinner date with Zwillinger... I was going to say ANY Dev or Mod but I sort of get the feeling a few of our Gamer Gals could talk Beastyle into it.

* The Big Red Ball - some things are just TOO powerful for in-game use.

* A personalized Nemesis Plot. This is because you are already involved in a Nemesis Plot; you're just not aware of it yet.

* The Fusionette locator GPS system; technology just hasn't come far enough yet.

* The Paragon City Bus Travel Power. Yes, I KNOW the joke was too easy... yes, I KNOW I shouldn't have gone there since I've over used the joke too many times as it is...

* You will not be able to use your points to get Steelclaw to not go for the easy, obvious jokes.

* The Sister Psyche/Manticore Honeymoon footage. It's not really worth it anyway... rumor has it the cutscene is only 4 minutes long.

* Captain Mako's "Charlie the Tuna" commercial audition out-takes.

* Special sound effects to help customize your powers. Such as burp sounds for Fire Breath and Admiral Akbar screaming "it's a trap!" for every primary your Traps Defender uses.

* The Dance Gun Temp Power.

* Samuraiko chained to a wall until she makes you a personalized video that you just know will get 4 quadrillion-zillion hits on YouTube.

* Respect. Life. Love. And all those words you sob into your pillow at night when you can't drown the loneliness out anymore all while sinking inevitably into a pit of despair no matter how hard you scrabble and scrape your fingernails bloody against the pit walls your uncaring and distant parents dug for you during the entirety of your so-called "childhood."

* An explanation of that last joke.

* Rhythm; you know who you are.

* The entire Development team showing up at door on Christmas Eve and singing Paragon Parody Christmas Carols.

* A lovely, witty and well-crafted City of Heroes T-Shirt... mass produced and made available to an adoring fan base... .... .... sad, but true...

Dohohohoho! Hey, here's one: getting your life back!
Wait, wouldn't that require us to have on in the first place?
DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samuel_Tow City of Heroes is a game about freedom of expression and variety of experiences far more so than it is about representing any one theme, topic or genre.

Can I get a Summon Steelclaw power?

120 second recharge, causes enemies to laugh until death.

I totally, platonically love you, Steelclaw.

...and I want my dadgum Dance Gun power. That is all.

You know, a big red ball on the VIP server would be sweet.

U make kitty Dissapoint.

You know, come to think of it they probably could put in a dance gun power. Not one that works vs npcs perhaps but WoW has a trinket that is basically the dance gun power.

11/10

This was some quality ****.

Why hasn't Paragon Studios hired Samuraiko Productions on a contractor basis to make all their demorecord videos yet?

It's the end. But the moment has been prepared for ...

I'm still hoping to buy a Dual Archery set with a Healing Arrow power...

.. and I;d forgotten how awesome that dance gun vid is.

True Love.