I'll Take "Things A Tank Might Say" for 400 Alex...

So tonight I was playing my Tank Mistress Monolith... she's one of those tanks specifically geared heavy Primary and mostly ignored secondary to make them as immune to attacks as possible...

While I play most of my characters I have an on-going dialog/role play in my head of what they're saying... Monolith is no different, however I think the stuff she says to her poor opponents could probably be used by tank with a strong defensive build...

For example...

* You behind me... the one with the sledgehammer... a little to the left... I have an itch I can't reach that's been bugging me all day..

* Oh phooey... I have a call on my cell I have to take... no no... you guys dont have to stop... this'll only take a minute...

* That was a great effort! Really.. I'm seeing definite improvement since the start of the fight... Hmmm? Oh, I just didn't want you to feel insecure about your fighting skills... that's all...

* Listen, this just isn't working out... I'm here trying to get my first Debt Badge... no... no don't be like that... listen... it's not you... it's me...

* Dang it... is there any way I can set the difficulty to x10/+6 or something? Darned minions...

* You know, if you want to take a break you can... I imagine by now your arms must be exhausted from all that swinging...

* Sure, we can take five while you check to make sure you're gun's not loaded with blanks..

* Hey it moved that time! I swear, you made my health bar actually move! No, wait.. sorry... it was just a loose eyelash obscuring my vision...

* Darn it you broke my nail!

* Hey... Mister Demolitionist... yeah you with the jackhammer... a little lower and to the right if you please...

* Huh, they said they were going to go get their Psychic Squad to take advantage of my one weakness... boy are they gonna be mad when they learn I got the Elusive Mind accolade during that last invasion...

* Alright... all you perverts just turn around! It's not my fault that my costume isn't as impervious as I am...

It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

Ouchy the Clown- "They are so cute when they fight back."

One said by my Dark Armor tank:

"If the team had invited any other AT, this mob would have been defeated by now"

I keed, I keed. Sorta.

- This is just like being in a mosh pit.
- Have you guys seen the Windows Phone ad? The bit where the guy says 'really'? That's how I feel.
-Look at me. Now look at your friends. Now back to me. I am bigger than your friends. Now back to me. Look at your weapons. Now back to me. I have free tickets to that place you hate. Now back to me. I'm about to make you suffer.
I'm a tank.


S.

I haven't played my ice/axe in a while, but as I recall I had his taunt keybound to fun little zingers. The only one that sticks out in my memory right now is:

"Your mother put up more of a fight."

"hey guys, watch this."

"Guys I'm really sorry that my skin keeps dulling your battle axes and swords. I really am. Tell you what, I know this guy in a Knife shop downtown that can sharpen your weapons to a keen edge. Sharp enough to shave with. And he has reasonable prices, too."

"In case you hadn't noticed, before I transformed to stone, I had a nice suit on. Now, notsomuch. So as much as you want me to, I will NOT be changing back to Human form until I get some pants and we get to a changing room!"

Stuff Heraclea says:

• Men are squishy, and tend to run out of endurance.
• There's nothing wrong with Reichsman that couldn't be fixed with a small loop of piano wire.
• The trick with a Shadowhunter is to know which part to crush first.
• Do you know that's annoying, Crystal Titan?
• So you're Nictus now. I bet your momma's so proud.
• Surrender peacefully, or gentle persuasion will be applied.
• This mission calls for my typical subtlety and finesse.
• This mission calls for my diplomatic skills.

<《 New Colchis / Guides / Mission Architect 》>
"At what point do we say, 'You're mucking with our myths'?" - Harlan Ellison

I have automatic keybinds set up on most of my characters to have them throw out in character comments, and for Tankers and other meleers it's tied to their taunt. I even have some alternate binds specifically for calling back runners. The most memorable of these come from two characters, an Inv/SS Tanker, Blue Diamond, and my Claws/Inv android Scrapper, Rachel.

Blue Diamond, although he's built to have as much offense as possible, has your typical Tanker mindset. Loud, brash, obnoxious, he's got to be the center of attention. To him, black is black and white is white, and he is the good guy, and any bad guy is going to meet the business end of his fist.

Some of his normal taunts:

"Hello, stupid! Time to go to JAIL!"
"Fist, meet bad guy. Bad guy, this is fist."
"You just won an all expense paid flight on Blue Diamond airways. Courtesy of MY FIST!"
"Come on, punk, give me your best shot. I'll even let ya have the first punch."
"Buddy, that don't even hurt."

Taunts for runners:

"That's right, punk! You better run! Run home to mommy!"
"GET BACK HERE!"
"Whatsa matter? Don't ya want me to beat on ya some more?"

Rachel, or R4-CHL, is as I mentioned an android. She is from the 26th century, along with her creator, Alan Midnight. Although she is a Scrapper, her concept is that she's intended to tank, she draws aggro, and holds down other AIs while Alan breaks into computer systems. As such, she is programmed with a very provocative, flirtateous personality, designed to hold the attention of the teenaged boys who are the most common hackers she and Alan go up against in their time. As such, I have two sets of taunts for her, one for male opponents, and one for females.

Her taunts for male foes: (And remember, this is a girl who pops out foot long CLAWS and slices into the men she is saying this to...)

"Oo, look at all the big, bad men against helpless little me!"
"Hey, <villain name>, come and get me!"
"All right, little boys, playtime is over..."
"Oh, you're all so big and strong! I'm so frightened!"

Her taunts for female foes:

"Now, now. No one expects you to be a good fighter."
"That color does NOT look good on you."

Against robots, she usually "hacks into" them, but occasionally she will throw out a pun like, "Hey, <villian name>, you want to take a byte out of my software?"

Against runners:

"What's the matter? Are you afraid of a helpless little girl?"
"Come back! Don't you want to play with me?"

As you might guess, this character always gets a lot of laughs from teammates when I play her with my SG. Recently, I decided to create a villain version as an Arachnos Widow. She is a sort of alternate reality version of Rachel, while she has the same appearance and personality, as a slightly less advanced AI she's not quite as good at acting the part. So instead of the desired effect, she comes off creepy:

"Oh, you are all not weak primitive flesh creatures. I am so frightened by you."
"Hey, meat creatures! Do you not think my body is attractive?"
"You, <villain name>! I am calling you by name in order to entice you."

I think that last really drives home the point that while she's trying to do the same thing as the "good" Rachel, she just doesn't get it.

"You can have the paper when I'm DONE with it!"