Why Steelclaw Should NEVER Be Made A Developer...

* He refers to himself in the third person and everyone who does that is an egomaniac... egomaniacs should never be allowed power of any kind.

* A Spines player gets hit with knockback/down? Sticks to the floor.

* An Ouroboros arc where you go back in time to discover DJ Zero financed his club by a major multi-dimensional crime spree... I mean, come ON... he can open worm holes ANYWHERE and decides to use his powers to make a disco?!

* Destructible zones would be a priority... however after you wreck a wall, etc, a group of angry unionized construction guys run out and immediately start repairing it while swearing at you in Italian.

* The buses run... just never on time.

* Taxi cabs can take you immediately to your mission door at a cost in influence/infamy/information/influenza... however there is a percentage chance the cab driver doesn't speak english... has no idea what you're asking them to do.. and drops you off in the Shadow Shard.

* We're invading D.O.A. and stealing... er... "borrowing" their physics engine!

* Ragdoll physics to be replaced by "death scene melodrama" physics... the higher the level/power of the enemy... the longer their death-throe monologue.

* Sonic Blasters/Defenders/Corruptors can now choose the Electric Guitar/Power Axe power customization.

* Atlas Statue now holds aloft: Big Red Ball.

* New Zone Event in Dark Astoria! Every so often a giant Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man will rampage through the zone. Only affected by fire attacks and long sticks.

* Street villains who are 4 levels or more lower than your hero no longer completely ignore you... instead they run away screaming like the civillians do to them.

* Every time your character levels up... for just a moment... they get a big upside-down-bunch-of-glowing-yellow-bananas hairstyle.

* Placate's animation will change from the "these aren't the droids you're looking for" hand-wave to the "Hey look over there! Is that Elvis?!" point and run.

* Non-Badge history plaque at the entrance to Boomtown. "It was in this spot that Lou Danello, construction contractor and owner of Lou's We-Fix-Anything-Or-Else-We'll-Replace-It-Free advertised guarantee took one look at the city project he'd just won the bid for and promptly shot himself."

* A one-in-one thousand chance that any given Office Building mission that has office workers running around it will have said workers all be direct-port characters from the Dilbert comic strip.

* Speaking of which... from now on... if a Civilian... ANY Civilian... runs into a hero or villain... the CIVILIAN falls down!

* Posted at the entrance of any hazard zone will be one of those "You must be THIS high to ride this ride" signs.

* A new microphone peripheral will be added... as well as a new Power Pool that takes advantage of it. Now your swearing and screaming at your keyboard can actually help your character in the game! The final tier power would be a rezz for when your character falls in battle... however this requires a thirty second sustained blue streak of profanity at approximately the same decibel level as a 747 at idle.

I am so proud that I sensibly put down my can of ginger ale before reading this... but laughing while sneezing is still a painful experience.

Michelle
aka
Samuraiko/Dark_Respite

ROFLMAO!!!! Thank you Steelclaw after working Black Friday weekend I so needed this.
bowing down in Wayne and Garth style I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy.

Steelclaw, I am not understanding how any of this disqualifies you to be a Developer. If anything, it may put current Dev job holders in danger of a pink slip!

(Of course, now I have probably given you an idea about giving Lord Recluse a pink silky undergarment or something... )

I know right? I actually WANT most of these things (as well as an option of having the Visual Sound Effects from that one April Fool the devs pulled that I was disappointed not to actually get). Especially the guitars thing. I want a sidekick for my Rad/Sonic, Power Balladeer.


Also:

Make this man a Dev.




NOW.

There seems to be a typo in the thread title. NEVER doesn't belong there.

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