Henri's Arty Creations and stuff.
By
airhead,
Posted on: 2010-11-19 01:46 in Multi-Media Fan Creations
This is awesome, Henri. Very nice. I want to see what happens next! Get to it. 
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The Queen's Menagerie
Aww man that was great and like Goblin Queen said...I want to see what happens next!
Henri! I'm impressed! Most definitely want to see more!
~*~VexXxa~*~
The City Scoop Art Correspondent/Writer "ART IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER"//"Don't hate because VexXxa is HOT and you're NOT." - JOHNNYKAT
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Originally Posted by Henri
Hi guys. Just thought i'd post something i've been working on, and prehaps add anymore stuffs i do in the future too.
Some of you might have seen i posted some screenies and bio in the 'post you best costume thread' in a very rough and ready comic book format. It was a bit haphazzard as i just had the idea as i was posting them and kind of threw it together. It did get me to thinking tho, that i could take some time and try and create a mini-comic from screenshots. So i did, here it is  Any and all comments are welcome as always. I know i can't take credit for the actually artwork, but any critique of the composition of the shots, the storyline, the presentation, etc would be cool. Cheers H. |
I really like what you've done so far man. Looking forward to the next installment.
Some thoughts/feedback.
1st panel
We don't see anyone outside the door in this shot but then suddenly they appear in the next panel?
It's a double door in the first panel and a single door in the 2nd panel. Perhaps the gangsters are already inside?
Cooper's needs an apostrophe.
2nd panel
How's that lock "coming" might work better than "doing"
The boss in the green vest appears to be doing the "afraid" emote when there might be a better one available to show lock picking. Either the one villains actually use ingame (where it looks like they are hammering) or any of the hands up emotes (cheer, root, type,) might look more convincing. Maybe experiment a bit more.
Also since it appears to be dark outside in the first panel one of the underlings should be doing the flashlight emote on the lock so the boss can see what he's doing.
3rd panel
Are they whispering so as not to draw attention? Mohawks comment ends with a ! which suggests loud talking or shouting?
4th panel
Good composition and I like the broken outline denoting it's a whistle sound and not the word being spoken.
5th panel.
If security is blowing the whistle how is it the cop has his back turned? I do like how Boss is creeping up on him though that works well. Maybe this should happen before (or without) the alarm is triggered?
6th panel
Maybe /e batsmash would be more convincing? or use the temp power Louisville Slugger.
7th panel.
Love this shot with the gangsters standing over the downed cop. One thing though the gangster with the cockney accent (Red shirt and sneakers) appears to be talking without it in this panel. Shouldn't he say something like... "Man! You 'ear im crack?"
8th and 9th. Both these are fine and I love the glowing eyes in the dark bit.
10th panel
Awesome. Love the perspective of looking up at the robot so it's like he is towering over the viewer.
11th panel
It should be "tears" through not tore through. Present tense because it's happening currently not in the past. Also it might read better as... "dealt to either disable or incapacitate. Never to kill."
12th panel
It shouldn't be bounced past tense for the same reason. Bounce (present tense) at the very least but how about careened? Or ricocheted? Either of those imply more action... a whiffle ball can bounce off a wall but bullets ricochet (hit with enough force to change direction but not stop forward momentum). Should be "pitiful" instead of pityful.
I would also take the AIYEEE!!! from the next panel and swap it with the GRURRK!! from this one as the panel is saying men "screamed" in fear and pain and AIYEEE! is more of a scream sound and GRURRK is more of a grunt.
13th panel
Should say "its" assault not "it" assault. Also it might read better if you combine the two sentences since the last bit doesn't work so well on its own. Something like...
"Remorseless, deaf to their pleas, the machine continued its relentless assault on the hapless thugs." (added the word relentless)
14th panel
Not sure why there are spaces in between the exclamation points and the words they are modifying. If you are going to do that it should be done throughout.
15th panel.
Great. Love it.
16th panel
I like how the combat aura switched off here to show he's done kicking butt for now.
The "To be continued" should be on the bottom of the next panel though since this is not the last one.
17th panel
Should be "its" not "it's" since it is not a contraction of "it is" that you are using here. Also you need an "It" or a "He" to describe the robot ( I would use he because you just described him as a metal "man") as in...
"Then abruptly {he/it} turns and stalks down the corridor. Its work here is done.
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Not a comprehensive list and I didn't really look too closely at all the text, this is just what jumped out at me upon a quick read through.
Good stuff Henri and I look forward to what else you have in store.
Thanks for the comments so far guys, having a few ideas for the next installment, and thanks CR for your comments, appreciate you taking the time. You're right about the spelling/grammar errors, something i can improve on i think.
A few things you mentioned that i can explain.
the whistling was the guard whistling to himself rather than raising an alarm, he's unaware of the thugs until the neck chop, hence boss's pose with the flat hand also.
the 3 lackeys are MM thugs so i'm not sure if it's possible to have them emote, might be wrong there. Also meant i had to get all the shots in one run of my AE as if i zoned out, i got different looking thugs :/
the cockney accent... well, i'm a brit trying to do an american thuggy accent, who knows, lol
the spaces before the exclaimation marks... well, annoying this one, but the normal text is standard 12 whilst the screams are bold 16 which made the exclaimation marks look like I's so everyone ended up with italian accents whilst screaming, heh! I put the space in just to make it clearer.
Also I only used the one acct to make this, so only 1 player character on line at a time.
Thanks again for the critique, appreciate it
cheers H.
Hi again. Next instalment is up. I've added it to the first post as a continuous strip.
...and not just one new character... 
Hope you like it, cheers H.
OMG Henri!! I am totally loving this thread of yours! Very well thought out, very well screenshotted (new word), and very well executed!! Totally awesome! Keep 'em coming!
~*~VexXxa~*~
The City Scoop Art Correspondent/Writer "ART IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER"//"Don't hate because VexXxa is HOT and you're NOT." - JOHNNYKAT
really cool
Love it. I totally want to make a toon like Armor Dillo now. Damn you. :P
My Corner of DeviantART
The Queen's Menagerie
Oooooohhhh Who's THAT?!?!?! Great story so far Henri!
Thanks for the comments again guys, glad you're enjoying it . Will post when the next instalment is up. Cheers H.
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Thanks for sharing your creative comic talent. Very nicely done and I can't wait to read the next installment |
Originally Posted by Henri
Thanks for the comments again guys, glad you're enjoying it
. Will post when the next instalment is up. Cheers H. |
Just been messing about staging some screenshots and stuff and thought i'd post one or two. What i'm attempting to do is to try and tell a story just in one screenshot.
I'm calling this one, 'Little Tommys best day EVER!'
like it?
I just love the fact you've managed to make citizen models that look natural, not like the strange, mutated abominations we have on the streets atm.
Seriously, why can't the poor NPCs get an ultra mode too? And the kids! Tis awesome
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Originally Posted by Zwillinger
GG, I would tell you that "I am killing you with my mind", but I couldn't find an emoticon to properly express my sentiment.
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Originally Posted by Captain_Photon
NOTE: The Incarnate System is basically farming for IOs on a larger scale, and with more obtrusive lore.
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You can!|
Originally Posted by Henri
the 3 lackeys are MM thugs so i'm not sure if it's possible to have them emote, might be wrong there.
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http://wiki.cohtitan.com/wiki/Petsay...ash_Command%29
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This is very well done Henri. I like that while little Tommy's costume is similar it actually looks like a "child safe" version of a hero costume you could buy at a store |
Originally Posted by Henri
Just been messing about staging some screenshots and stuff and thought i'd post one or two. What i'm attempting to do is to try and tell a story just in one screenshot.
I'm calling this one, 'Little Tommys best day EVER!' like it? |
("Hey kids, wanna look just like Ultra Magnificent Man?! Now j00 can! All for the low low price just 800,000 influ. *brought to you by Icon brand*)
His suit looks to be cloth while the hero's is metal, safely rounded shoulder pads while the hero has the ridged justice ones,
short generic red cape vs. long flowing red cape with stars, etc etc.
Although the "eat" emote with the donut does work (like he stopped in the middle of eating to look up and see his hero)
perhaps the kid could be doing one of the surprised/amazed/confused emotes? or possibly /e bigwave?
What really cracks me up is that while little Tommy is showing he wants to be a hero when he grows up the little kid in the blue pants off to the side is clearly practicing
the "ebil duck walk" that all villains do when they meander about... there's like a visual metaphor for future generations
as a whole in there somewhere n' stuffz,were I but clever enough to grasp it.
How's that for telling a story in a single image?
*Sidenote: jeez I'm in a philosophical mood today*
*edit: Okay it was pointed out to me that referring to the "other kid" as colored might be offensive to some (really in this day and age?).
The thought actually never crossed my mind being that I have light brown skin myself and was born in another part of the world.
The phrase has no negative connotation to me and I think anyone who knows me will know I meant nothing by it.
heh, really glad you picked up on the 'toy store' version Tommy has, exactly how i was hoping it'd look. Your thoughts on the other kid (he's actually called 'other kid' in my AE ) are interesting, i'm going to see if i can do something with that. Also, i've always wondered how ebil ducks walk, now i know
Techbot, ironic that you say i've made the citizens look so natural, they're actually all 8ft tall to make the kids look smaller...
... doh, given my secrets away now, lol , thanks for liking tho
more to come i reckon.
Hi, got another screenshot story here, following the exploits of 'other kid' after CR put ideas in my head about him, heh. Hope you like it, cheers H.
"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...."
...
*Stares at the Non-Fett*
...God-damn.
*Runs to the tailor*
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Zwillinger
GG, I would tell you that "I am killing you with my mind", but I couldn't find an emoticon to properly express my sentiment.
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Captain_Photon
NOTE: The Incarnate System is basically farming for IOs on a larger scale, and with more obtrusive lore.
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Quote:
funny, i was more proud of the Dengar and Bossk costumes, but there you go |
Originally Posted by Techbot Alpha
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*Stares at the Non-Fett* ...God-damn. *Runs to the tailor* |
Minor typos aside, I'm really enjoying this. More comic, please.
The Alt Alphabet ~ OPC: Other People's Characters ~ Terrific Screenshots of Cool ~ Superhero Fiction
Likewise, keep it up! This is a great comic (But don't feel obliged to send teasers, I'm happy to wait to see finished pages).
Arc: 379017: Outbroken See all your old friends in the Outbreak Tutorial sequel!
Arc: Coming Soon: The Incarnate Shadow Shard of Fire and Ice Mender Rednem needs you!
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Hi guys, don't lose hope, next installment is posted! Hehe, it's taken a little longer this one as i realised i couldn't just keep posting a random fight every week, had to start explaining the story, but then was a bit worried that too much chat and not much action might make it a bit dull. Let me know what you think anyway, more to come soon. Cheers H
Hi again. Been working on a possible splash cover for my mini-comic. I'll post it as a wip as i've just realised i've not included Robot H3NRi, lol. What dyou think?
Hi guys. Just thought i'd post something i've been working on, and prehaps add anymore stuffs i do in the future too.
Some of you might have seen i posted some screenies and bio in the 'post you best costume thread' in a very rough and ready comic book format. It was a bit haphazzard as i just had the idea as i was posting them and kind of threw it together. It did get me to thinking tho, that i could take some time and try and create a mini-comic from screenshots.
So i did, here it is
Any and all comments are welcome as always. I know i can't take credit for the actual artwork, but any critique of the composition of the shots, the storyline, the presentation, etc would be cool. Cheers H.
3
My Mini-Comic
AE arc id: 464928