Valentine's Advice Sought from the Ladies ...

Dear CK,

Love in Paragon can be a difficult but rewarding adventure if you are willing to exemp down and grind some influance to win your beloveds heart.

Note that I said win, not rip out and place in a jar. Nothign turns off the romance like bodily mutilation in the name of evil (Editor Note: Silver Mantis?)

Let me tell you about a recent client of mine, we shall call him HM. HM had a crush for years on a former coworker but his job sent him away and kept him very buisy. The fact that he looked like a giant jello mold didnt help ether.

I told him to remember that looks are superficial and if love is truly meant to be it will transcend small things like bones, organs, and lack of skin. I suggested that he start by sending her letter saying how he truly felt about her. Flowers are also a good thing, though I would suggest not using the type that walk on their own.

Eventually, even after a bit of initial rejection, she fell for him (Editor Note: By fell he means was infected and became a breeder, but who is counting). Their relationship is still a bit rocky, constant heroes assaulting you for merits will do that, but as with anything worth wile you have to work at it and never lose hope.

For you I would suggest something similar. A note of flowers to show your interest in moving past friendship. Lacking anything organic you could send her a gift. I would suggest not sending anything with a mind of it's own as it can cause a girl to become scared.

Don't stress about the age thing. If anybody asks remind them that most of the parts of your body are less than 5 years old.

If that does not work do not give up on your love. Kidnapping and holding the world ransom can bring two people closer together.

Remember though that some relationships are just not ment to be. Don't be afraid of the LJBF zone, it is nowhere as dangerous as the Shadow Shard and leaves openings for future relationships as she matures.


Good Luck CK.



Dr. Calash

"CK" as you call him might benefit from an overhaul and a fresh coat of paint. He should try going on "Pimp My Robot"....

The way to a woman's heart you ask?

SCIENCE!

As the old saying goes 'dazzle them with science'. Of course I don't mean that literally, blinding powder has been around since ancient times so your not inventing something new, you're just blinding a potential love interest which may be handy in the long run but isn't really the refined scientific approach.

If this person rejects your offers of love, using the above method of flowers, gifts and letter writing, why not build yourself a better version of them. Here at Necrotech industries we offer the Dream Partner program, a partner made specifically to your specifications.

Has that robotic heroine in Talos Island constantly turned you down, why not let us build a replica that will love you not matter whether you're hero or villain. Using the latest in genetic manipulation, voodoo, fast growth genetic tanks and a pinch of love we too can create your ideal woman or man. You may even want to consider our optional extras, perhaps you want them to have super powers or just an extra set of arms...

Dream Partners by Necrotech.

Where money really can buy you love.

A few suggestions from the last guy you should ever take advice from...

* Change your fluids! Pickle juice and formaldehyde do not make for the ambrosia of love! Perhaps a brain floating in rose water would be better? The occassional rose petal in the eye is a small price to pay for l'amour.

* Form over function! Except for the Big Gray Raisin you are mostly robotic. Robotic means interchangeable parts. Giant Rusted Monolith isn't bringing the ladies in? Why not try the sleek Cyborg set? If that doesn't work then try to talk the Devs into giving you access to the Praetorian Clockwork pieces. Like the wiZZe bearded ones once said... "Every Girl's Crazy For a Sharp Dressed Man..."

* A girl likes to be appreciated. Sure, you don't have a hormone in your body and the girl in question is one of the most powerful psychics on the planet... but let's face it friend; the "I love you for your mind" line was old back when you were just a toaster oven in your mamma's kitchen. Tell her she's beautiful and that she's more to you than just a Nuclear Power Plant of a brain.

* Express your creative side. Some women fall for the artsy/creative types. You've already shown her you're a passable sculptor with your ambulatory statuary, so why not show her other aspects of your artistry? Perhaps a sonnet or romantic short story? Failing all else you could just read to her the works of someone else...

There once was a girl from old Faultline
I'd been longing to make her just all mine
My love was for real
Then along came Blue Steel
My libido underwent a sharp decline

I know someone just like this "CK", a lot like him in fact, although there are a few minor differences. What he did was take over the entire planet and offer it to the object of his affection. I guess it kind of worked for a little while, but she did sort of run around behind his back with someone else and... well, you can play may arc Against The WickerWork Khan to find out how it went.

Listen CK, you need to man up and stop being an AFC.

First off, it's all about you, not her. You have to work on improving yourself, what is it that you want?

No, saying "P" is not an answer, that's just emotional cover. You, as a man, need to have a purpose in life. Something you devote your mind and cogs to. Some goal that is worth your effort.

Do some soul searching. And afterwards, hit Dr. Mechano for some new parts. Man, have you seen those robotic bodies they have in Praetoria for their local clockwork? Why the heck are you walking around in a clanky rusty old frame when you can have an ergonomic, android body to compliment your mind? You think a new image won't help you? Think again! Make yourself better!

Oh, and "P"? That's it. Listen, you're in the Friendzone, that's a lousy proposition 99% of the time. She gets all the benefits and you get nothing. Attention, validation, personal guardians. Heck, what on Earth were you doing White Knighting in when the Rikti kidnapped her instead of leaving it to the heroes? Did she call you after that? Did she answer you with "okay, let's have a date"? The answer is a big fat NO. It's all about what she gets. Move on man, move on.

Listen, I know it's hard to get over your oneitis. But you have to man it up! Find a real purpose, keep your mind at it. Heck, here's an idea. Praetoria has a full network of telepathic guardians that keep their society "clean." And here you are, a freaking powerful psychic who could easily bypass it. The chics will just fall heads over heels for you, the rebel bad boy who slips by the friends network with your sleek new android body (you ARE getting a new body, don't argue with me about that!). Tell me, does a rebel like that fawn and seek female approval? No. You have a mission, and you don't conform to those lousy rules, you're dangerous and exciting.

Seriously, clean up your act, get a work over, and move to Praetoria for a while. I know it won't be easy, but what is? Nothing important ever is.