Lowbie Arc Reviews by an Altaholic Couple

Mostly because I'd like to get a little more light on this one-off mission:

#2711 Whack-a-mole
lvl 1-54 - standard diff custom bosses only - play it before i16 nerfs the already minimal xp!
Play a quick game of Whack-a-mole! Guaranteed to take no longer than 5 mins! Solo recommended as it doesn't spawn more for teams, see who can get the better score, or the quicker time! Don't forget your mallet!

If you guys have time, give INVASION OF THE MONSTER MEN a try 224291. It is 1 mission, short and for any level (no autos). It is designed for heroes but not a big deal. Hope you enjoy.

Hey guys love reading your reviews, very informative and helpful! Would love it if perhaps you could run my arc aimed specifically at lvl 1-15s. I designed it to be part 2 of the Outbreak tutorial from the loveable Coyote. It can easily be run in 30mins or so =]

Hope you enjoy it!

Arc ID: 262393
Name: 1 Small Step for Paragon, 1 Giant Leap for Hero Kind

I played:

Tailor Made
Arc ID: 258291
Levels: 20-29
Length: 2 missions, 10-30+ minutes (depending on optional objectives)
Description: The Facemaker has serious problems due to the terrible economy, threats from The Family, and alarming new competition. (quick arc for lowbies or 20s villains who like to smash things)

I had so much fun with this arc. It is probably the only MA arc that I continued to play after I finished the objectives. The only possible suggestion I have is to add a bio for the contact.

The contact dialog was perfect. The choice of maps perfect as well. It was so funny and so full of details. I had to keep playing to find every object in the sale!


I would like to request that you play my arc:

In Pursuit of Liberty - 221702

Length: 5 missions. It says Very Long, but I always finish in less than 1 hour.

Description: Work with Ms. Liberty to turn a willful young child into a hero. Travel through time, fight evil villains, solve a mystery but most of all, have fun! This arc is a modern fairytale spanning nine years in the life of Liberty Rose Jones. Help her find her destiny and in the process, find yours!

It is not specifically designed for lowbies, but I have soloed it many times on my heroes level 14 and above when set at level 1 (which I recommed to enjoy). It auto SKs you to 45. I did this for ease of teaming, so people do not have to worry about matching up SKs.

It is a light hearted story based arc with comedy mixed in.

I hope you enjoy it!

Hey folks,
Just wanted to say that Londer and I are still around. We spent some time away from the game because of real life stuff, and then I managed to get sick for most of last week.

I'm feeling better now, and looking forward to trying out I16 and playing some arcs soon. Also, I think I may need to make some more alts.

Hope you feel better soon. If it's okay, I'd like to add Rider's Ribs Restaurant Rescue (#163967) to the list.

Day Job Hell: A Villain's First Day Job
@Clave Dark 5
Arc ID#: 322480
Length: Long
Morality: Villainous
Enemy Groups: ClockWork, Tuatha de Dannan, "re-purposed" standard foes (colors+name changed)
Description: "Rise from the Mercy sewers and become a true villain. Lowbie villain arc, lvls 1-10. Guaranteed snake free! Custom groups='re-purposed' standards. Single added Boss spawns as a Lt. on Difficulty setting 1. LBMA, SFMA [not yet spellchecked]"

Take your villain from zero to hero! Wait, that didn't come out right... but you get the idea. Your new villain needs a place to start and getting a couple of dayjob badges seems as good as anything, but the only place that will have you is the Mercy Island Sewer Works, run by a man known as Fats Squalor. Learn to hate your job, your "friends" and to turn that burning rage into what it takes to become a true villain. This one's a bit more serious than my two previous (see sig) but it does have some touches of humor. I've tried to keep all the text visible for teams as well.

I've tested it with a few level 1 squishes (without using any vet powers) and they all did ok on difficulty setting 1. Good for a few levels if you're 1 or 2; if not, it's still fun and has no snakes!

No one but me has run through it yet and it sounds like you'd be the best possible testers for this. I could really use the feedback on anything that might make this a "not so successful lowbie arc", as it;'s my first lowbie arc. If you can find the time to take a look I'd be most grateful. And sorry about the "not yet spellchecked" thing, but life's been in the way since I put it up.

ZAGMUK Act One: The Herald, Arc ID 266123 - by Sumericon

Rated: 5 stars, Highly recommended especially for low level, short arc.

Heroic, played on villains but that's ok, level 9 claws/SR brute and level 9 robots/FF mastermind. Playability was good except bosses in last mission were harder than elites we went up against I think mostly because the chain mezzing. Got some breakfrees and were fine.

The text format and colors were really nice and made the arc feel well polished. Maps were small or medium and were quick to clear.

Paco from Galaxy City is our contact. At first we are sent after a hero, Sharru, who went after hellions in skulls territory. It turns out to be CoT and several threads of the story start. Second mission is continuation of the first, expanding on clues. Only thing I saw that was a little strange was this:

Contact says: "Good News...!"

I'm like:

Contact continues: "I had no luck finding The Master..."

I'm like:

Good news doesn't come until a later paragraph. Might want to match the "Good News..." with the good news just for flow.

I find out that there's an ally that's hot with Sharru and this ally shows up in 3 of the 5 missions. Might want to save her for the second last and/or last mission that way she stays special and new. Get's a little old seeing her over and over, but it's not a bad thing, like seeing a familiar friend. Just a suggestion, though, there is a lot of ally action going on.



After this mission, we're left hanging on many details which is good, adds some suspense and these clues are all cleared up through the story. Tied in story line from clue in first mission to the third and another clue at the end of this mission. This was done smooth.

I also thought the intro text was pretty funny.

I'm confused about Hanish and a little worried about his stormy powers. I have to wonder why he's needed but he does add some to the story.

At the end of the mission, the boss says he's been found out but I still don't know what he's up to. I'm like WHOOHOO he was going to win! How? Not sure but we did something and that stopped him from doing what he was going to do to win... gosh... darnit!

Then that's cleared up a bit with the contact with some suspense. Apparently we didn't stop whatever's been started.

One clue is still out like a light, we're waiting on that, and we're still waiting on the other clues... Let's go beat up the main boss.

He's cake, spawns another boss, and this guy is mysterious and unalied. Leaves me wondering who he is and where he came from.

This is cleared up by the contact who now has solved some clues. This ties back to the beginning and has a really nice twist in the story.

This last mission was the first time I felt a little frustrated. The bosses thrown in seem to be harder than the elite bosses, mostly from the chain mezzing. I think this is the first time we have a wipe. They even kick our poor ally's butt. Unfortunatley we missed the other ally, but I'm actually fine with it because I think we could have done most of this without their help.



I also thought that the first hostage in the last mission could mention specifically that there are two other ceremonies going on that we need to break up.

Last boss was fun and I think all aspects of the story are tied in and finished... except for Hanish. I felt that he was a little vegue in the story and could be a stronger part. Right now he just seem like a guest star.



TL : DR

VERY nice, clean, and polished story. I really enjoyed playing this and highly recommend it. I think anyone can play it (and enjoy it), especially with the exemplar xp, but it is very nice for lowbies and is very quick (for 5 missions). There are a few minor things I noticed but it in no way effected how I feel about the arc overall. Great job!

ZAGMUK Act One: The Herald, Arc ID 266123 - by Sumericon

I think I'm going to try to stick with a quicker review structure when I can, in the interest of trying to get more reviews done. Also, in this case Londerwost already touched on most of the major points.

We ran this on my new Claws/SR brute and his Bots/FF MM. Both were around level 9, and we did it on the lowest difficulty. It was a great story arc for our lowbies. The missions were on smallish maps, but filled with interesting chain objectives, and even though we don't really do this for the XP, it was great to see that our lowbies leveled (twice I think) over the course of this arc.

Stuff I Liked:

The use of color, text formatting, mission titles, were all excellent, and really helped to grab you right off the bat.

The writing was great, and the plot was really well structured. I appreciate how well you brought things together, while still leaving room for continuation. The clues and pop up messages were likewise well done.

I liked Helena Handbasket. It was an amusing pun, and her description was well done. I couldn't get irritated with her for griefing us (and she did grief us) because it was "in character" after all.

The choice of maps were also great. I wholeheartedly support keeping the maps small on a longer story arc. It keeps the overall time a lot more manageable from a player perspective.



Suggestions for Improvement:

You have a lot of chain objectives, and not all of them have clues describing the chain of events. In the first mission, we defeat the first boss and are then told to defeat the Inquisitor. I found myself confused because there wasn't a clue explaining who this guy was. Similarly with Ralph and "2 ceremonies". How do we know there are two ceremonies? There may have been some other instances of this too. I would go through again and make sure all your chains have clues.

I didn't get the impression that Hanish was very important, more like a random side character who shows up to offer some (not really needed) advice. You've already got a lot of characters introduced in this story, and plenty of ally action as well. Hanish doesn't seem to do anything except take the focus of the story away from the player character somewhat.

This is going to sound very strange, but I think the worst thing about this arc is the title. It's not that the title is bad, it's more that the arc is very very good, and the title doesn't seem to coincide with the story very well. I mean, I've played the story, I really like the story, but I still didn't know what a Zagmuk was (I had to look it up) or the significance of "The Herald". Also, if I was just an average player looking for something to play, I'd probably skip this based on the title just making it sound very esoteric and long... oh great, it's "act one" of something I don't recognize, and "the herald" is so neutral that it doesn't modify that perception at all. Anyway, I don't mean to bash on your title, I just really liked this arc and I'd like to see it draw more players.

Overall:

Great arc for lowbies. We had no problem with the difficulty, except for an unlucky bout with a Madness Mage. Nice, well written and tightly woven story, with a good twist. I'd play it again and recommend it to others.

Rating: 5 Stars


Also, here are a couple of silly screenshots, including the final boss who ran away like a madman and got stuck hanging upside down.

In Pursuit of Liberty - Arc 221702 - by ArrowRose

I'm going to appologize to ArrowRose in advance, because I ignored his advice. I looked at this arc and thought: "It doesn't really fit our criteria for a lowbie arc in terms of level range, so I'll just do it on my brute and kick it up a notch... or six." So not knowing what to expect at all, I hopped on my 50 EM/Elec brute and kicked the difficulty up to +2/x6. I hadn't tried him at all with the new difficulty settings, so things were interesting. Actually, things went really great, if a bit challenging, on the first mission. I got spanked pretty badly by the custom mobs in the second mission though (mostly due to fear), so I set the difficulty down to +2/x4 for the remainder, and that worked pretty well.

I also just want to say upfront that I'm not rating this based on difficulty at all, considering that I've modified it pretty drastically in this case.

Stuff I Liked:

Good detail and custom descriptions, and I especially liked the note clues, like the Thank You Note and Note From Little Liberty

I thought this popup was particularly amusing "You found the costume. No, you can't wear it! It will be given to Liberty Rose. Destiny demands this."``

I liked the progression, and seeing Liberty Rose Jones grow up, great description.

The overall writing is solid, the objectives were clear and well marked with animations in many cases

Payback in Spades sports his new dark red powers at the expense of the Family


Suggestions for Improvement

Intro text for the first mission seems a bit unfocused. I'd try to rework it to increase the urgency a bit:

"Why do I stand before you, asking for your help? Perhaps it is because I like her name. Perhaps I grew bored of standing in Atlas Park. Perhaps there is more to her than meets the eye. But I digress..."

Agent Liberty is too powerful. I even tried to get her killed, but her defensive auras (invulnerability?) made that difficult.

Some of the map choices are frustrating or less focused than I would have liked:

Blue cave - need I say more?
Outdoor
Ruined Atlas map
Another outdoor map, graveyard

There's nothing really wrong with all the outdoor maps. In fact the prominent animations helped a lot, but missions like this tend to put me in "hunt" mode moreso than "kill stuff" mode.

There were some level oddities. The DE on the forest outdoor map spawned at 45ish. The Dark Alliance mobs also had an odd level range. Some mid 40s mobs mixed in. I also have to question the purpose of the Dark Alliance guys. They were a really strange mix that was never explained.

Statesman ally was really too powerful, and somewhat annoying on a large outdoor map. Luckily I found the glowie fast.

Some of your custom mobs are pretty tough due to debuffs and fear. I found myself chain feared or unable to hit anything on several occasions. The fight with MAL was tough, with lots of debuffs from other mobs, etc... I'm not holding this against you in any way, as it was likely due to my difficulty settings, but it's something I should mention.

I really wish I'd gotten some better shots but most of them didn't turn out. Still these guys were fun and challenging custom mobs.


Overall:

Not really a lowbie arc in terms of stated level range, but very well written, and a fun challenge for my 50 EM/Elec brute with the new difficulty settings. I thoroughly enjoyed the story, but found some of the map choices to slow down the action in spots.

Rating: 4 Stars

To make things easier (thank you new forums!) we're going to keep all reviews and the queue updated on the first post. We also took a clue from another reviewer who used screenshots and are going to have pictures mixed in our posts. Hope you guys like the new format.

I really appreciate the feedback.

I chose that particular cave, because it guaranteed that my objectives would be found in the correct order. At the time, I didn't realize blue caves were so hated. I personally hate multi-level caves. As to the large outdoor maps, I agree. I chose them because they fit my story, but when I play other people's arcs I find that large outdoor maps generally make me enjoy the arc less.

Thanks for taking the time to play and review

Hmm... quick poke to ask if my Trollbane (#12669) arc was still in the running for a review? Or did i16 break it again? I haven't had much time to be online lately either

Ah, okay- there was a queue on the previous page that seemed to indicate that you had skipped mine (and Psychoti's entirely), so I was kind of wondering

Gang War - Arc 311187

Rated 3 stars

Played with a level 27 Broadsword/Fire scrapper and a 27 Shield/Fire tank. Didn't run into any problems with any mobs but level range jumps like crazy and should be standardized.

I liked how this arc started off. War between factions, humor was good, writing is solid. Obvious but funny connection to the brew. I thought the clues did a good job of clearing up any questions I had. Although, the writing is focused on assuming the hero is solo.



Big outdoor map is a little ballsy for a first map in the arc and I did get a little frustrated looking for "the Clue." While the bosses were easy to find, "the clue" was difficult.

Undercover troll raid was really funny.


Are you a cop?

This was a good map and the story is starting to get it's momentum. The clues are strong and I'm feeling really good about the direction of the plot. Although the "wet ink" was very strange. Labels are dried before they are placed on bottles because of the mechanics of factory bottling... unless it was done by hand which would be extremely time consuming and inefficient.



Ok first break in the case and I'm excited to look into this. Then I get to the mission and I'm beating up cops? Well, the clue says I'm setup but I'm feeling uneasy about this. I'm a hero, a good guy and I don't want to be trapped into doing something bad.

Ok I find out the mob is here and I've gotta save the day. But then this cop I'm beating up thinks I'm bad. My fears are realized. I've been beating up good cops and I'm not feeling good about this. You have to be super careful not to lead a player down a path that might speak too strongly about their character. In this case, both our characters are Angel theme, which goes counter to how this story is playing out.



This whole thing would sit better with me if the cops were thought to be corrupt from the start instead of me choosing to beat up, what I am assuming are, good cops.

Sidenote, interact timers on the bombs are super long. This gets annoying really fast when I've got to do 8 of them.

I'm wondering about this walking away from the contact deal, going to the warehouse and beating up more cops. Even if they are misguided, I've already made a bad choice so now I'm making it worse? It's gonna be hard for me to be high and mighty to a bad guy if I've already made the conscious choice of beating up good cops.

Then the emo trip is not really working at this point. Dude, what was done by this guy was BAD, like holy crap you are going to hell bad. No amount of this guys past is going to redeem him. Which is why I found myself smacking my head against the keyboard when the story takes me to complete his dirty deeds. I'm really not feeling this and I'm left wondering if Paragon's Finest are really going to work with me after I beat the living hell out of them.

Quote:

It feels weird to...

This is apt. It does feel weird. And awkward. And wrong. My character would never do this and I'm doubting there are many heroes that would.



Sidenote, holy "load up objectives" batman! You could say "defeat 6 guys" instead of filling up the nav bar with a boat load of long names. Also, some of these guys ended up defeating each other, not sure if that was intended or not.



It is VERY difficult to write this kind of story and you have to be super careful when writing with the idea that there is a certain amount of roleplaying, (ie we're heroes, that means we don't like doing bad things). I think the effort put into this is obvious and the story has a good premise but I personally think it needs reworking for the end.

The other thing you have to ask yourself is how serious do you take this arc. In the beginning it's funny and campy, then you try to get super serious real quick. Might want to stick with serious or funny, but not both in this kind of arc. Just a suggestion.

tl : dr

• Standardize levels.
• Consider using a smaller map or more obvious clue in first mission
• Writing is good, lots of detail, clues answer questions, jokes are funny.
• Shorten interact timers.
• Be careful not to pick what alignment the player is, leave it ambiguous or heroic. Don't force heroes to be bad.
• Pick whether the antagonist is redeemable or not, currently his crimes far out weigh redemption.
• Be consistent with the mood, it's hard to switch from campy to OMG serious plot twist.
• Fix multiple names in nav for last mission; "defeat 6 guys" would be better.

You've got a good story that has some serious plot issues that need to be looked at. However, I think this has the potential to be a good arc if there can be more sensitivity placed on the player's alignment. Consistency with tone would also help.

Gang War - Arc 311187 - by Psychoti

Now for my short review follow up to Londer's long review.

As he said, we played this on my 27 Shield/Fire tank, and his 27 BS/FA scrapper. We had no problems with the difficulty, but found the variable level ranges of the missions to be a bit odd. Being exemplared as we were, it felt like the availability of certain powers kept fluctuating.

Stuff I Liked

Right off the bat, the intro text is highly personalized. It feels kind of lighthearted, and amusing that the contact takes objection to my AT. It's a unique touch.

Clues are nicely detailed. Summary clues like "Thus Far" are really helpful, especially when the plot is getting complicated or twisty.

Boss dialog was well done, and had a lot of flavor. I liked the variety of the boss dialog in the last mission especially, although some of it might have been a tad lighthearted for the tone of the mission at that point.



Suggestions for Improvement

I agree with all of the points Londer made, but I do want to stress that the big one is the violence toward cops. I'm fine with violence toward despicable, corrupt cops. My heroes can't get behind violence toward otherwise good cops who think they're just doing their job, or are following orders of a bad superior officer.

It probably doesn't help matters that we played this on our angelic duo who would have conceptually rigid ideas of justice. No, we're not RPers, but these characters feel like they'd be more black and white than most. I just don't see my guy accepting this contact's plea for a chance at redemption the way it's presented.

Ok, so I'm trying to think of some constructive ideas that might help here:

Try to make the beating up PPD part more palatable. Maybe they're bad cops (although that many bad cops would be kind of odd). Maybe they're not cops at all, but criminals pretending to be cops (ok, maybe far fetched). Maybe they were accidentally exposed to this new drug and are suffering crazy side effects that make it necessary to "subdue" them. It might take some thinking about, but if you're going to ask a typical hero to beat up scores of cops, you need to make it feel more justified.

On the contact, and redemption... I think a lot of heroes may have an issue with the fact that this guy never faces consequences for his crimes. It isn't really enough that he feels sorry. I know my angelic themed character wasn't impressed with his tale, and was really itching for some Old Testament-style smiting. Or failing that, he probably would have been ok with the guy going to jail.

So anyway, I think one way to rework this would be if the contact actually does turn himself in, goes to jail, and then uses his one phone call to contact you again and ask you to finish this by taking out the gangs. Then you'd see some consequences along with the remorse. Then after that, you could have him released on a technicality or lack of evidence, or whatever. I guess I'm just trying to think of a way to get away from making assumptions about the player characters attitude towards him.



Overall

I really liked the way the story was going in the first couple of missions, but then it headed in a direction that was pretty hard to reconcile with being heroic. I think it's got a lot of good ideas going on, and the missions and objectives are structured well, but there are parts of the story that could be reworked to make them more accessible.

Rating: 3 Stars

Responding to the points as listed:

* Standardize levels.
I did tighten them up a bit, the only problem with fully standardizing them is the difference in mob availability levels. To keep the story how I wanted it I had to have the little jumps. I did tighten it up a little by reducing the auto-sk level variances to a static -3.

* Consider using a smaller map or more obvious clue in first mission

? There's only 3 bosses. No clue/collection.

* Writing is good, lots of detail, clues answer questions, jokes are funny.

Glad you enjoyed them.

* Shorten interact timers.

They're set for 2 seconds. I've had trouble with toggles interfering with interacts before, were you running a self-stealth toggle at the time?


* Be careful not to pick what alignment the player is, leave it ambiguous or heroic. Don't force heroes to be bad.

That part of the story is pretty much dead-on how I want it. I wanted heroes to feel as though they were forced to make a terrible decision.

* Pick whether the antagonist is redeemable or not, currently his crimes far out weigh redemption.

In the original version he just went plum loco, but it didn't read as well. I left it as it is since I wanted there to be hope for redemption... but a very slim hope. I felt that by giving the player the badge as a souvenir it would let them decide, personally, whether they felt redemption was permanently out of his grasp.

Also, in the original version, I had him trick 2 young kids (in a direct rip-off from South Park) into trying to get two of the gangs together to work out their differences. You had to rescue the kids, who fingered the contact, who denied it vehemently and got angry that you would trust two challenged children over an experienced cop. It was more than a little twisted by the end.


* Be consistent with the mood, it's hard to switch from campy to OMG serious plot twist.

Again, the twist worked how I wanted it to, I know it's not everyone's cup of tea. I felt that with the sudden tone change most players would feel the contact's betrayal more keenly... it worked with the majority of players. Most of those that gave feedback enjoyed the twist, though some did not.

* Fix multiple names in nav for last mission; "defeat 6 guys" would be better.

Just to be clear (not sarcastic in the least) you think I should get rid of the names and just say "Defeat Gangleaders" instead?

And yeah, I wanted them to fight eachother too. I felt it added a little something, story-wise that they aren't working together and are still as fractious as ever.


Thank you for the review, I hope it won't put you off from trying any of my other arcs - I think 'Quest for Life' is definitely one of my favorites, it's not terribly hard in any sense but it is fun. I don't suggest playing it with angelic characters, the last mission may give you fits :P

I just thought I'd respond here quickly, since I have the time:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psychoti Responding to the points as listed: * Consider using a smaller map or more obvious clue in first mission ? There's only 3 bosses. No clue/collection.

I think the confusion came in because the objective for one of the bosses is something like "find a clue". We spent about five minutes searching for a glowie, before realizing that actually referred to a boss. This could probably be changed to point more at the fact that you need to defeat someone to find the clue. Leaving it ambiguous, it's easy to assume it's a collection.

Quote:

* Shorten interact timers. They're set for 2 seconds. I've had trouble with toggles interfering with interacts before, were you running a self-stealth toggle at the time?

Strange, neither of us had stealth powers. I swear the bomb interact was something like 8 seconds though. It took a really long time. Maybe a bug?

Quote:

* Be careful not to pick what alignment the player is, leave it ambiguous or heroic. Don't force heroes to be bad. That part of the story is pretty much dead-on how I want it. I wanted heroes to feel as though they were forced to make a terrible decision.

It is so very very difficult to do this in a way that's palatable. I'm not disagreeing with how you want to structure your story, I just know that you're bound to get complaints from people who don't want their characters to feel "forced".

Quote:

* Fix multiple names in nav for last mission; "defeat 6 guys" would be better. Just to be clear (not sarcastic in the least) you think I should get rid of the names and just say "Defeat Gangleaders" instead? And yeah, I wanted them to fight eachother too. I felt it added a little something, story-wise that they aren't working together and are still as fractious as ever.

It's absolutely personal preference here, but I think something like "6 Gang Leaders to Defeat" looks less cluttered. Although with them fighting each other, it may look a bit strange to go from "6 Gang Leaders to Defeat" to suddenly "4" er "3 Gang Leaders to Defeat".

Quote:

Thank you for the review, I hope it won't put you off from trying any of my other arcs - I think 'Quest for Life' is definitely one of my favorites, it's not terribly hard in any sense but it is fun. I don't suggest playing it with angelic characters, the last mission may give you fits :P

Absolutely not "off putting" at all

We had fun playing it. Like I said, I think the missions and objectives are generally well structured. It looks like you put a lot of time and effort into it, and the writing is clean and easy to follow. We may have some disagreements about pushing players into unheroic actions, but be that as it may... I definitely would not mind trying Quest for Life at some point when we get the time.

Just so you guys know, if you use anyone level 15-20 when you rerun my arc. You'll see a slightly more different enemies then normal.

Trollbane, Arc ID 12669 - by TeChameleon

Londer and I played this on our brand new hero duo: my level 5 Earth/FF controller, and his 5 WP/SS tank. We had fun with the arc, and enjoyed the story.



Stuff I Liked:

I really thought the overall plot was very good and integrated well with the canon.

I liked the map choices and thought they worked well in the context of the story.

The clues were very detailed, well written, and thorough.

I also really liked the flavor dialog. I was kind of ammused by the fact that the Skulls and Trolls in the first mission seemed to have a lot to say to each other.

You may find this odd, but I really liked Baron Schwarzeherr. I know he's a minor side character, but he had a great costume and description, and clue. I could see him figuring prominently in his own arc, in fact.



Suggestions for Improvement:

The introduction of the problem in the first mission could use more clarity. I know what you're trying to say here, but the part explaining the premise is a bit awkward:

"Well... and I probably don't need to tell you this, but keep this quiet... they've got good reason to be a bit crazy right now; when you start finding dismembered SupaTrolls, it might be time to worry."

I think it's the switch in subject from "they've got good reason" to "you start finding" within the same sentence. Not a big deal as I get what you're saying, it just seems like dismembered Trolls are a big deal and the statement could stand out more.

You have several objectives that aren't clear: "A feeling of mystic energy pulls you..." and "The same mystic energy pulls you..., Follow the bouncing ball... " From a story standpoint, I feel like doing objectives like this is very cool and atmospheric. But from a gameplay perspective, I feel like it adds more time than necessary to the missions. It probably wouldn't be a big deal, but this arc runs long as it is, so you might consider adding a little more direction. Maybe something like "A feeling of mystic energy pulls you...toward the back of the building" (or whatever)

Also on that note, the "superball" seems really out of place. I have no idea what it is, and it's never explained. Honestly, I think it might be a good idea to just get rid of it. As a hero, I'd like to sometimes figure things out on my own without being led around by the established folks.

For the Oranbega mission, I'm not sure what required the level spread to become 10-14 (maybe the allies), but we found the change made for a pretty big jump in difficulty on our level 5 guys, at least until we freed the boss ally. We really felt like we were leaning on the ally a lot in this mission, and the EB was pretty tough at our level. Especially because the big jerk could heal himself.

There were a lot of elite bosses. I don't think I've seen this many elite bosses in a lowbie mission before, and honestly I don't think they're a good fit at this level. I think you could probably rework this to remove most (or all) of the EBs, and still have a solid story. Which brings me to...

BABs as an ally is overpowered in the final mission. He and the main boss show up early in that mission, and BABs could probably solo the rest of that mission on his own. He's powerful enough that he steals a bit of spotlight from the player. I think it might actually be a stronger final mission without BABs, and with boss level enemies rather than EBs.

Quick note: Tombstone has the objective text "Illustrated Woman"

One last thing, I thought BABs dialog was fine, but I did get a little tired of him calling me "newbie". I guess I would have preferred my $Name. It sounds a bit more personal.



Overall:

Nice arc with a strong, canon-based plot. It was a lot of fun to play through on our brand new hero duo, but rough in some spots due to EBs. I'm concerned about so many EBs in a lowbie arc as I think it doesn't really take into account the target audience. I think it would be fantastic to play on a higher level character exemplared down, but has the potential to be rough on a lowbie.

Rating: 4 Stars

Trollbane (arc# 12669) by TeChameleon

Rated 4 stars.

Played with level 5 WP/SS Tank and level 5 Earth/FF controller on easiest diff. The playability was... rough. Lots of bosses after the first mission, one in almost every group encountered, an EB in each mission except for the last one which had 3 EBs. Mobs were +1 a majority of the time. This along with the ambiguous navigation directions, led to a lengthy play time. I would estimate that this arc, at low level, could be well over an hour. Although the story is good, see below, I would not rate this arc as quick nor lowbie friendly.

That being said, the plot of this story is solid, details are good, clues answer questions, and the writing is decent. The flow is consistent and even with the length of play time, the flow does not feel slow.



There were some issues that I would point out, namely, the assumption that the player has some kind of special ability to sense magic. "A feeling of mystic energy pulls you..." is a common objective that comes up in most of the missions. Although I see the attempt, I think this assumes too much about the player and doesn't give enough direction. Objectives, imo, should give the player a sense of progress. This seems to do the opposite, giving me the feeling of searching around in the dark, unsure of what I will find. It is interesting but I do not think it works more than the first time.



My character also seems to know a lot about bones, namely that my character can look at a pile of bones and know that there is magical energies that indicate a successful necromantic spell. I think this assumes to much and gives too much to the player. This should either be found out by the contact or pieced together by the player with more clues.

That leads me to my next minor issue which is the superballs; why would I need this help if I can sense magic myself? Now if you had introduced the superballs from the start, that would have been better than assuming my character is good with magic. It also is a little redundant to have both the "follow the superball" and "follow this feeling" which are both ambiguous. I would expand on the superballs or take them out so it doesn't seem so random.

Glowies don't have interact text, only the chat text. It's minor but I consider this "polish."

Also, map 2 contact dialog has "list of adresses." Should be 'addresses.'


Map 4 is a huge out door mission which would have made this arc even longer but objective has clear color animation and just happened to be right in front of us.

On the last mission, after defeating the bone guy, Crimson, and Illustrated, nav just says "Illustrated Woman." First of all it should say, "Defeat Illustrated Woman" to fit with the original format of "3 bosses to defeat." Second, Tombstone is the next objective, not Illustrated, which conflicts with the nav objective.



Main EB spawns in last mission right at the front door with BABs. Not sure if that was intended.

The last thing I want to mention, which I do with a bit of trepidation, is the writing itself. It's a little rough seeing such a good story having some issues with the actual writing. Now, obviously, I'm not the best person to go to about English, grammar, and all that but I do know when something looks awkward.

Here is an example:

Quote:

And at least the Skulls and Trolls are likely to be quiet for a while, licking their wounds, and the flow of 'dyne on the streets will slow, for now, anyhow.

Now I don't want to nit pick and I know some people take offense to it so I'll just tell you this: Go over your work and see where you can improve the structure of your sentences to flow better. I would take out most, if not all of the hyphens and "..." especially in the nav text. It looks very odd seeing ellipsis with a comma in the nav. This arc averaged about one of each, ellipsis and hyphen, in every paragraph.

Quote:

We didn't move fast enough; the Skulls are in the Troll caves- they tunneled in through one of the wrecked offices in Eastgate.

Stuff like this could easily be just broken into two sentences separated by a period. I mean there's nothing wrong with using a hyphen but I thought it was unusual to see it used this much.

Also, I would strongly suggest moving away from BABs calling you a "newbie" every time he addresses the player. I don't think it comes off as enduring as you might have hoped and makes BABs sound like he's condescending.

I think with a little bit of play balancing and fixing up the writing and errors, this could easily be a 5 star arc.

TL : DR

• Arc is a little rough for lowbies and a little too long for "quick."
• Plot is solid, story is entertaining, detail is good, dialog is enjoyable.
• Assuming too much about player's character, giving extra power; ie sense magic.
• Superballs come flying out of nowhere then disappear. Develop more or take out.
• Fix major error with objective directions in the last mission, states wrong objective.
• Work on writing to make it flow. Polish it up. Fix typos. Take out hyphens, ellipsis, and "newbie" or use sparingly.

Good job, I thoroughly enjoyed your story!

The Boneyard, Arc ID 253542 - by Captain_Zero

I soloed this one on my 27 DB/WP scrapper, exemplared down. The difficulty seemed appropriate for a lowbie, and my exemplared scrapper had no issues.



Stuff I liked

Nice intro, short and clear and to the point. The writing in general is very clean and clear.

There's some funny flavor dialog. "Does that rock look like Abe Lincoln to you?" was amusing on the second mission.

Good map choices that suit your story well.

I liked your custom bosses. They were nicely detailed, seemed to fit in the context, and had good descriptive text.



Suggestions for Improvement

There is no clue after finding book in the first mission.

In the second mission, Gabriel took some time to find. Maybe a more obvious animation? Also, could use a clue after finding Gabriel.

The contact says: "You'll have to destroy the altar the Skulls are using for the summoning and recover the book." But I just recovered the book in the first mission...

The Bone Lord took possession of Gabriel.. Woah... that seemed to come out of nowhere. I didn't find out about it until the end mission pop up. This could use a clue, and/or more obvious boss dialog. Plus why was Gabriel there?

Contact says: "He's quickly risen to a powerful position in the Skulls gang, and he seems to think he's a full-fledged supervillain now." This seems abrupt. He's risen to a powerful position over the past couple minutes? Maybe you could indicate some time passing here, like you're talking to the contact again after a week has passed or something...

Also, I have to say the contact seems remarkably unemotional considering what's happened to his brother. I don't know, I would expect some mixed feelings from him.



Overall

Solid lowbie story arc, with good map choices. It was enjoyable and pretty quick to play--although the outdoor mission did slow me down just a bit. The story is a bit uneven in some spots, but overall it's a good plot involving family drama.

Rating: 4 Stars

Mercytown, Arc ID 6017 - by Tangler

I started out soloing this morning on my level 10 Claws/SR brute, which is my lowest level villain at this point. I was just starting the 3rd mission when Londer got up and joined me on his 10 Bots/FF MM. The difficulty seemed appropriate for solo or teamed lowbies, and the arc was a lot of fun.



Stuff I Liked:

Thick accents often look terrible when written, but it works here, and think it fits in this case. It's actually pretty funny. This was amusing: " They are like your American sea monkeys, only man-size and not as smiling like on packets."

First mission is short and sweet. I have to say this is refreshing, and a nice introduction. I can't tell you how many arcs I've played with lengthy first missions. In fact, all of the missions were on the short side, which really helped move the story along.

I like that you've got the player taking action on their own initiative, rather than always waiting for the contact to tell them what to do.

Clues are good, including optional objectives, like "President Evil"





Suggestions for Improvement:

"I am Doctor Dmitri Krylov, a researcher once part of former Soviet Union." Sounds awkward, like he may have been a former Soviet Bloc country. Suggest replacing "once part of" with "from the".

In the first mission, the mission title and the objective are the same "Get a Coralax specimen". Suggest replacing the title with "Investigate the Coralax Colony" and leave the mission objective "Get a Coralax specimen".

In the rave mission the Squealer boss was in the stairwell outside the last room, so we never got to the main rave room. Also the Hellion girlfriends were really easy--and by easy, I mean... er, nevermind...

Why am I collecting 6 more journals? This isn't clear. Maybe have the journal objectives appear after you rescue the hostage?



Overall:

An excellent starter arc, that would be a good alternative to the early Mercy content on a brand new villain. The mobs are good lowbie fodder (and better than Snakes!), the missions are short and to the point, the story comes together well, and it feels appropriately villainous.

Rating: 5 Stars